John Egbert
@failedBiologist
(Have not&Will Not read the epilogues) professional birthday clown, i went to clown college for this
why do i keep going on https://i.ibb.co/8gtxcmbf/party-clown-john.png (edit by @handmaid )
Why the long face?
because i heard about you getting freaky nasty with that sweaty mechanic weirdo, and now my brain is melting! you’re a car, what the fuck!? it ruined my day.
i think if i hadn’t literally created the universe, i would probably get fired from this clown gig after today. who hires a birthday clown for an office birthday party??? all those serious businessmen with their suits and their pipes kinda reminded me of my dad… i may have shed a tear or two. turns out you are not supposed to cry while juggling bats, it really fucks up your flow. i might have broken a window.
dID THEY AT LEAST, lAUGH?
!! DEALING YOU IN !! Yeah, crying while juggling bats is a rookie mistake!
yeah they liked the part when i make a balloon crown for the birthday man. since it was an office i made it a balloon fedora!
woah wait are you legit a magician?? that’s so much cooler than this clown crap
@insufferableprick here’s your update dave, how’s that betting pool looking? are we enjoying my misery yet? is my suffering making you fat stacks of cash to lounge in yet?
its bad enough theyvve let a psycho clowwn trapped in a fridge onto this godawwful site and noww wwe are reckonin wwith a horse i think wwe knoww wwhat i got to do
who threatens a perfectly innocent pony??? weirdo!! keep your hands- flippers- whatevers, off of the pony!!
Siiiiiiiigh. So 8oring tonight that not even my giant money hoard that I swim into like Scrooge McDuck isn't even entertaining me. Fuck!!!!!!!!
have you tried having friends or maybe hired entertainment. maybe a clown even, who can definitely juggle gracefully and with precision.
The face he makes when he wants [to escape and assassinate you]. I haven't an inkling as to why he's still so ornery after all these years. I bring refreshments and everything! Coochie coochie coo.
hahahaha is this some sort of kink thing? this is totally some sort of kink thing.
What is more powerful? THEYTHEM NOOK #NSFW <3 <> Or HELLEN OF TROLL <3< c3<
like a reading nook for they thems? i support it i’m an ally.
needed to make a chittr to bitch about my first day on the job as a professional birthday clown. not even an hour into this gig and my brand new clown shoes got pissed on by the birthday boy himself!!!
i’m here to spread whimsy not piss!!
how old was the birthday boy?? im sure u will be able to work through the rest of your new gig (which like. waow professional clown? sounds super fun!! :3) surely it wont get too much worse from that
he was like 3 i thought kids were supposed to be good by that age, terrific threes right?
this is horrifying to read. not the piss part, but the birthday clown part. it's like my own personal twilight zone episode. i'm genuinely freaked out right now. my heebies are jeebied. CLOWN COLLEGE? i'm gonna be sick. it's like someone worded a wish on the monkey's paw poorly and everything got all screwed up. how did this happen?
you got me, i found a lamp in the desert and rubbed that shit sideways to sunday wishing to have a purpose on this new earth, and bam! i’m graduating clown college magma cum loada.
Warms the circuits to hear about anyone with a job more degrading than my own. Shoutout to @failedBiologist. -Via Chittr for SmartToilet
don’t act like bro never got absolutely pissed in your box on wheels and pissed on your backseats hal >:b