johnny windsock
@ectoBiologist
bluhh so lame. what do you even put in these? i was dragged here kicking and screaming, but follow me if you like movies from a bygone era and sweet pictures of ghosts and cryptids.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/418032e9d04e.jpg me crawling out of bed in the middle of the night to get a cheese stick. #awesome
if you accidentally made a post on this site on your phone while it was in your back pocket, that would be butt-chitting. that would be chitting from your butt.
Thank goodness for your wisdom. We would never have known the answer to this question otherwise.
i dont want to hear about people chitting from their butt...........
True!
that's what i'm saying. i don't think anyone wants to hear about that!
i do what i do for the good of the people, rose. i am basically like a philosopher.
i think if i hadn’t literally created the universe, i would probably get fired from this clown gig after today. who hires a birthday clown for an office birthday party??? all those serious businessmen with their suits and their pipes kinda reminded me of my dad… i may have shed a tear or two. turns out you are not supposed to cry while juggling bats, it really fucks up your flow. i might have broken a window.
dID THEY AT LEAST, lAUGH?
!! DEALING YOU IN !! Yeah, crying while juggling bats is a rookie mistake!
yeah they liked the part when i make a balloon crown for the birthday man. since it was an office i made it a balloon fedora!
woah wait are you legit a magician?? that’s so much cooler than this clown crap
@insufferableprick here’s your update dave, how’s that betting pool looking? are we enjoying my misery yet? is my suffering making you fat stacks of cash to lounge in yet?
so far i have made enough to buy a business suit or replace a broken window just to use a random nonspecific and common ass household analogy for hella dough had
are any trolls on earth-c actually going by alternian solar sweeps? that seems super confusing. i feel like we don't need more than one unit to describe how long it takes for our planet to revolve around the sun.
1 M34N. DO YOU KNOW TH3 B4CKSTORY OF HOW TH3Y D3C1D3D 4N 1NCH W4S TH4T LONG? OFF P4N? 1 H34R 1T'S B4S3D ON TH3 C1RCUMF3R3NC3 OF TH3 PL4N3T OR SOM3TH1NG BUT 1T'S NOT L1K3 TH3 4V3R4G3 HUM4N UND3RST4NDS OR C4R3S WH4T TH4T 4CTU4LLY M34NS. 4ND Y3T YOU ST1LL S4Y STUFF 1S FOUR 1NCH3S LONG! (YOU PROB4BLY S4Y TH4T P4RT1CUL4R ON3 F41RLY OFT3N, H3H3.)
For four hundred years the standard unit of measurement of mass was "a big metallic rock in France." The main reason the US uses different units for mass is that their copy of the rock was lost in transit.
it helps that you can measure an inch. you can even measure six of them. most humans didn't even use inches, for the record. that was just a thing they were stubbornly doing in the country i was born in while the rest of the world used the metric system. (happy 4th of july i guess. i don't know what the significance of that is to our current society.) what i'm talking about is using inches when there aren't any rulers that exist anymore. the thing you would use to measure an inch just doesn't exist. it doesn't mean anything! it's fine if you want to call a year a solar sweep, that even sounds kind of awesome, but jade went through a lot of trouble placing earth-c exactly the same distance old earth was from the sun, so the least we could do in gratitude is count by the amount of days it takes to get around it!
ok, but we don't have a united states any more and the earth doesn't take longer to get around the sun if you're a troll.
SO WH4T 1'M H34R1NG 1S TH4T TH3 HUM4NS ONLY CONS1D3R3D TH31R HOM3 COND1T1ONS, D1DN'T 4SK 4NY TROLLS, 4ND TH3N GOT CONFUS3D WH3N TH3 TROLLS H3LD ONTO WH4T L1TTL3 CULTUR3 TH3Y H4V3 L3FT. >:T
I promise what I am saying is not in any way a joke: The literal actual definition of an inch is "2.54 cm." It is already an outdated unit that is defined in terms of another more relevant unit.
technically a foot on earth-c is the length of the white/black queen's feet, also. if we are doing fun facts now.
you are literally one of the twelve trolls that could have spoken up about us making a year be 365 days. :/ the rest of them were babies we made in a lab. i don't think they cared.
1T'S NOT MY F4ULT 3V3RY OTH3R TROLL H4D 4 HUM4N TH3Y W3R3 S1MP1NG OV3R WH3N W3 TOOK TH3 VOT3.
the heir guides a microwave taquito into his mouth.
sorry. since you are a troll, i will put this in terms you can understand. i am talking about my culinary radiation chamber. #culturalsensitivity
࣪⊹₊˚{ EW!!!! }*ᯅ*{ whyd you use the poor person name four it???? }>_>{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ i was just fluked up over the fact that you used a microwave four it like some kind of barbaric kitchen stooge.... ummmm.... }~_~{ }~_~{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
i didn't even realize that was the commoner's word for it. i guess i'm just humble like that. the salt of the earth, you could say. the sort of guy NASA would come to when they need a regular joe with common sense and old fashioned grit to straighten out their planet saving mission to nuke a meteor.
࣪⊹₊˚{ ummmm? i dunno who nasa is.... }<_<{ }<_<{ but i feel like you kind of almost called me poor just now so i dont really know what to say except four that my caegies are on the meteor }._.{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ so like.... bye joe }.3.{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
LOL. my name is john, you dingus! regular joe is a human idiom. i am now going to translate the thing i said before into troll terms. i didn't even realize that was the TROLL commoner's word for it. i guess i'm just TROLL humble like that. the TROLL salt of ALTERNIA, you could say. the sort of guy TROLL NASA would come to when they need a REGULAR TROLL JOE with common TROLL sense and TROLL fashioned grit to straighten out their planet saving TROLL mission to TRUKE a meteor.
࣪⊹₊˚{ i dont know why you keep shortening it when "johnny" is literally serviceable + like. ST+ARD. four your hatchstratum }.____.{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ .... .... }.o.{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ okay yeah i get it now. i am stillll keeping my bets on the meteor though }>_>{ }>_>{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
hehehe, if you keep making bets like that you might have to start using the poor people words for kitchen appliances! "the thermal casket. my fruit assimilator. please feel free to get a cup of energizing bean fluid from my heated bean fluid compression apparatus." hicari ahymza, someday soon.
࣪⊹₊˚{ UM, OKAY. NO? what is your fourking PROBLEM with me???? why would you SAY THAT???? }*____*{ you are sick! }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ i would NEVER.... EVERRRR.... fall victim to this kind of debasing peasant talk. youre literally crazy. something is WRONGGGG with you!!!! #cullingblock #cullhimnow #NOWWWWUH }˚₊⊹ ࣪
now, you wouldn't switch to speaking povertese overnight. first the loan sharks would confiscate all of your fancy jewelry, forcing you to wear nonprecious metal trinkets from troll hot topic. (hot trollpic?) then, the panic betting. you go all in. "SURELY john can't stop the SECOND meteor, this one is the size of alaska! ALASKA!!! oh my god he blew it away. it didn't even look like it was hard for him. my troll moneycoins, oh god." it is at that point that you are left with no choice but to sell your car, which i assume has little insect legs on it, and is possibly a living thing. back to the betting chamber. "meteor three. this one is the size of two russias. two of them. john is so cooked." but you watch in horror as i gently yawn and russia 2 is sent hurtling off toward mars c. (actual planet in our solar system. we named it that as a joke.) then you are politely asked by the troll aristocracy to start using the long and obtuse space alien names for things. it is humiliating. a street urchin comes over to hug you, because she sees you as one of her own.
࣪⊹₊˚{ }*ᯅ*{ .... }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ NO???? NO!!!! why would you SAY anyyyy of this??? like i cant lie you kind of lost me in the middle + junk there but i could TELL that it was just INSULTING. DEMEEEEANING. }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ to imply id lose ANY of my moneycoins. that id STOP.... being part of the watered gentry.... }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ THAT ANYYYYONEEEE WOULD EVER ASSUME I SOME KIND OF FLUKEY }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ youuuu are SICK, johnny windsock. you are SICK + DERANGED. }*____*{ i honestly kind of hope your planet makes it.... so that you can LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO SEE THE CULLOUT POST THATS BRINING FOUR YOU AS WE SPEAK!!!! WATCH YOUR FOUR, DIRT GROPER!!!!!!!! }˚₊⊹ ࣪
rip to the timeline lol
they are saying that i am the first single man in his twenties to be divorced without ever getting married.
THATS KINDA SAD
what the hell. caliborn? why are you wearing a breath hoodie in your profile picture.
HMM I WONDER
The more I see on this site, the more I'm like "Damn I got lucky"
lucky i don't call all of my friends to gather around and beat you to death with hammers, maybe! #violence
Yeah good luck with that one pal. That would involve them actually getting their shit together.
is barak trollbama like a clone of obama genetically modified to be a troll, or is he a troll that has undergone extensive plastic surgery in order to look like obama? or is he obama in a dubiously xenophobic costume, somehow alive in our time period in spite of numerous apocalypses?
but despite that, i think he is probably just a cloned up genetic blip like that vriskaish troll i have seen on here before!
oh and also troll bruno mars.
thank you for engaging honestly and not attempting to troll me, jade. unlike the peanut gallery over here. troll bruno mars is for sure a troll that got plastic surgery to become bruno mars, though.
yes but wasnt he basically eridan first?
sorry i should have been more clear!
yeah. the way i understand it, eridan is basically his dad and he got surgery to be bruno mars.
yes that sounds right!
I am entirely different from my human counterpart. I did briefly meet him, however. Interesting guy. I am from Alternia, and am well-versed in Alternian law. However, upon the creation of Earth-C, certain individuals were allowed to become citizens. I was allowed. I then ran for President. I believe that answers all your questions.
thanks obama. it raises a bunch of other questions, but at this point i am just ready to accept it.
\ 0k but wh0s patr1ck? J:? /
POINT OF ORDER! *subaru
i was feeling bummed out and kind of nostalgic, so i started rooting around in my dad's old wallet. just to see what i'd find. it is actually kind of insane how much junk you can fit inside this thing. there's still a car in there that i haven't had to whip out in years, seeing as i'm a wind god that can fly and don't really get out all that much anyway. my dad took a lot of pictures. i guess i'm thankful for that, because i wasn't really all that into photographing myself as a kid. or as an adult, for that matter. if it weren't for all of his meticulous scrapbooking, all of these important milestones from my childhood would be lost to time. eventually i'd even forget them, probably. like in a thousand years or something. and then it'd be like it never even happened. miss you, dad. happy father's day. #fathersday
Cute picture!
hope youre doin ok today man :(
wow, this is pretty crazy. i didn't even know meenah was alive, let alone the leader of an insurrectionist political movement.
.UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHh
Some of you seem to have hailed from the Land of Loudmouths, Caterwauling, and Obnoxious Windbags. Because you are reigning strong over LOLCOW.
☆You were really excited to drop this on the timeline huh?☆
I see you finally fixed that cockeyed snaggletoothed suffix of yours.
got i luv da term lolcow! thx 4 remindin me of it :3
☆Yet you have done anything but fix that overgrown overbite of yours☆
I notice you still follow my account. Don't get overzealous. I am certain that the allowance of even my momentary attention is enough to send you leaping out of your britches. But really. Have some decorum. :B
☆do you looK to see if everyone who responds to your chitts follows you?☆
I'm afraid if I tell you it's particular to your case, you'll get so excited your paltry brain bleeds.
☆Kan’t lie and say im not a little flattered. But I just find it a little funny☆
}:(
i am THRILLED to announce the opening of the botanics of earth-c quantum uranium enrichment research and laboratories, also known as the becquerel center!!! this is just the first step in creating a sanctuary for the botanical life that can be found all over our wonderful planet, and the first step in our multi-pronged educational outreach program!!! keep tuned for more announcements and events in the future as we continue to expand!!! #earthc #botanicalgarden #scientificoutreach #educationaloutreach
i had to do something to make it feel like there was a portion dedicated to you and jake!
its so beautiful!!!!!!! you did a really good job woof :)
yes!!! though honestly tavros depending on how successful this is, i may talk to you about more of a job, actually??? if youre interested of course.
Wait. Wait this is huge. Adding this to my “Places to Visit on Earth-C” list
please do!!! there is still so much that has yet to be opened but it would be a delight to welcome visitors to what is completed!
tOTALLY! i'LL NEED SOMETH1NG TO HELP PAY, fOR GRAD SCHOOLFEEDING, aND ALL THAT,
TO THE SURPRISE OF NO ONE, THE CURATOR OF THE ULTIMATE GRASS-TOUCHING EXPERIENCE IS RENOWNED GREEN PRONGSTUMP JADE HARLEY, YET AGAIN. GOOD FUCKING LORD, THIS PLACE LOOKS INSANE. I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIT A VISIT INTO THE NEXT PERIGEE. OR SWEEP. OR ETERNITY. OR WHATEVER.
yay!!!! maybe by that point i will have the shark tunnel and the movie theater finished!
/shakes fist angrily >:O betty crockerrrr!
Hoo hoo hoo!
what happen. when i'm gonna taking the play station. disconnect it. then put the whole thing in your ass? #suggestive
happy birthday, karkat! we don't really talk as much as we used to, but i still think fondly of all the times you have created brand new expletives that nobody has ever used before, and also saying them so loudly that it can be heard the next kingdom over. here's to you, old buddy!
call me john the way i be egbert.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/3b72d38192cb.jpg #spooky #awesome
how dId they get that on camera -posted from My Nukia N-Gage CullD