johnny windsock
@ectoBiologist
bluhh so lame. what do you even put in these? i was dragged here kicking and screaming, but follow me if you like movies from a bygone era and sweet pictures of ghosts and cryptids.
if you accidentally made a post on this site on your phone while it was in your back pocket, that would be butt-chitting. that would be chitting from your butt.
Thank goodness for your wisdom. We would never have known the answer to this question otherwise.
i dont want to hear about people chitting from their butt...........
that's what i'm saying. i don't think anyone wants to hear about that!
i do what i do for the good of the people, rose. i am basically like a philosopher.
are any trolls on earth-c actually going by alternian solar sweeps? that seems super confusing. i feel like we don't need more than one unit to describe how long it takes for our planet to revolve around the sun.
1 M34N. DO YOU KNOW TH3 B4CKSTORY OF HOW TH3Y D3C1D3D 4N 1NCH W4S TH4T LONG? OFF P4N? 1 H34R 1T'S B4S3D ON TH3 C1RCUMF3R3NC3 OF TH3 PL4N3T OR SOM3TH1NG BUT 1T'S NOT L1K3 TH3 4V3R4G3 HUM4N UND3RST4NDS OR C4R3S WH4T TH4T 4CTU4LLY M34NS. 4ND Y3T YOU ST1LL S4Y STUFF 1S FOUR 1NCH3S LONG! (YOU PROB4BLY S4Y TH4T P4RT1CUL4R ON3 F41RLY OFT3N, H3H3.)
For four hundred years the standard unit of measurement of mass was "a big metallic rock in France." The main reason the US uses different units for mass is that their copy of the rock was lost in transit.
it helps that you can measure an inch. you can even measure six of them. most humans didn't even use inches, for the record. that was just a thing they were stubbornly doing in the country i was born in while the rest of the world used the metric system. (happy 4th of july i guess. i don't know what the significance of that is to our current society.) what i'm talking about is using inches when there aren't any rulers that exist anymore. the thing you would use to measure an inch just doesn't exist. it doesn't mean anything! it's fine if you want to call a year a solar sweep, that even sounds kind of awesome, but jade went through a lot of trouble placing earth-c exactly the same distance old earth was from the sun, so the least we could do in gratitude is count by the amount of days it takes to get around it!
ok, but we don't have a united states any more and the earth doesn't take longer to get around the sun if you're a troll.
SO WH4T 1'M H34R1NG 1S TH4T TH3 HUM4NS ONLY CONS1D3R3D TH31R HOM3 COND1T1ONS, D1DN'T 4SK 4NY TROLLS, 4ND TH3N GOT CONFUS3D WH3N TH3 TROLLS H3LD ONTO WH4T L1TTL3 CULTUR3 TH3Y H4V3 L3FT. >:T
I promise what I am saying is not in any way a joke: The literal actual definition of an inch is "2.54 cm." It is already an outdated unit that is defined in terms of another more relevant unit.
technically a foot on earth-c is the length of the white/black queen's feet, also. if we are doing fun facts now.
you are literally one of the twelve trolls that could have spoken up about us making a year be 365 days. :/ the rest of them were babies we made in a lab. i don't think they cared.
1T'S NOT MY F4ULT 3V3RY OTH3R TROLL H4D 4 HUM4N TH3Y W3R3 S1MP1NG OV3R WH3N W3 TOOK TH3 VOT3.
the heir guides a microwave taquito into his mouth.
sorry. since you are a troll, i will put this in terms you can understand. i am talking about my culinary radiation chamber. #culturalsensitivity
࣪⊹₊˚{ EW!!!! }*ᯅ*{ whyd you use the poor person name four it???? }>_>{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ i was just fluked up over the fact that you used a microwave four it like some kind of barbaric kitchen stooge.... ummmm.... }~_~{ }~_~{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
i didn't even realize that was the commoner's word for it. i guess i'm just humble like that. the salt of the earth, you could say. the sort of guy NASA would come to when they need a regular joe with common sense and old fashioned grit to straighten out their planet saving mission to nuke a meteor.
࣪⊹₊˚{ ummmm? i dunno who nasa is.... }<_<{ }<_<{ but i feel like you kind of almost called me poor just now so i dont really know what to say except four that my caegies are on the meteor }._.{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ so like.... bye joe }.3.{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
LOL. my name is john, you dingus! regular joe is a human idiom. i am now going to translate the thing i said before into troll terms. i didn't even realize that was the TROLL commoner's word for it. i guess i'm just TROLL humble like that. the TROLL salt of ALTERNIA, you could say. the sort of guy TROLL NASA would come to when they need a REGULAR TROLL JOE with common TROLL sense and TROLL fashioned grit to straighten out their planet saving TROLL mission to TRUKE a meteor.
࣪⊹₊˚{ i dont know why you keep shortening it when "johnny" is literally serviceable + like. ST+ARD. four your hatchstratum }.____.{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ .... .... }.o.{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ okay yeah i get it now. i am stillll keeping my bets on the meteor though }>_>{ }>_>{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
hehehe, if you keep making bets like that you might have to start using the poor people words for kitchen appliances! "the thermal casket. my fruit assimilator. please feel free to get a cup of energizing bean fluid from my heated bean fluid compression apparatus." hicari ahymza, someday soon.
࣪⊹₊˚{ UM, OKAY. NO? what is your fourking PROBLEM with me???? why would you SAY THAT???? }*____*{ you are sick! }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ i would NEVER.... EVERRRR.... fall victim to this kind of debasing peasant talk. youre literally crazy. something is WRONGGGG with you!!!! #cullingblock #cullhimnow #NOWWWWUH }˚₊⊹ ࣪
now, you wouldn't switch to speaking povertese overnight. first the loan sharks would confiscate all of your fancy jewelry, forcing you to wear nonprecious metal trinkets from troll hot topic. (hot trollpic?) then, the panic betting. you go all in. "SURELY john can't stop the SECOND meteor, this one is the size of alaska! ALASKA!!! oh my god he blew it away. it didn't even look like it was hard for him. my troll moneycoins, oh god." it is at that point that you are left with no choice but to sell your car, which i assume has little insect legs on it, and is possibly a living thing. back to the betting chamber. "meteor three. this one is the size of two russias. two of them. john is so cooked." but you watch in horror as i gently yawn and russia 2 is sent hurtling off toward mars c. (actual planet in our solar system. we named it that as a joke.) then you are politely asked by the troll aristocracy to start using the long and obtuse space alien names for things. it is humiliating. a street urchin comes over to hug you, because she sees you as one of her own.
࣪⊹₊˚{ }*ᯅ*{ .... }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ NO???? NO!!!! why would you SAY anyyyy of this??? like i cant lie you kind of lost me in the middle + junk there but i could TELL that it was just INSULTING. DEMEEEEANING. }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ to imply id lose ANY of my moneycoins. that id STOP.... being part of the watered gentry.... }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ THAT ANYYYYONEEEE WOULD EVER ASSUME I SOME KIND OF FLUKEY }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ youuuu are SICK, johnny windsock. you are SICK + DERANGED. }*____*{ i honestly kind of hope your planet makes it.... so that you can LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO SEE THE CULLOUT POST THATS BRINING FOUR YOU AS WE SPEAK!!!! WATCH YOUR FOUR, DIRT GROPER!!!!!!!! }˚₊⊹ ࣪
they are saying that i am the first single man in his twenties to be divorced without ever getting married.
what the hell. caliborn? why are you wearing a breath hoodie in your profile picture.
The more I see on this site, the more I'm like "Damn I got lucky"
lucky i don't call all of my friends to gather around and beat you to death with hammers, maybe! #violence
Yeah good luck with that one pal. That would involve them actually getting their shit together.
is barak trollbama like a clone of obama genetically modified to be a troll, or is he a troll that has undergone extensive plastic surgery in order to look like obama? or is he obama in a dubiously xenophobic costume, somehow alive in our time period in spite of numerous apocalypses?
but despite that, i think he is probably just a cloned up genetic blip like that vriskaish troll i have seen on here before!
thank you for engaging honestly and not attempting to troll me, jade. unlike the peanut gallery over here. troll bruno mars is for sure a troll that got plastic surgery to become bruno mars, though.
yeah. the way i understand it, eridan is basically his dad and he got surgery to be bruno mars.
I am entirely different from my human counterpart. I did briefly meet him, however. Interesting guy. I am from Alternia, and am well-versed in Alternian law. However, upon the creation of Earth-C, certain individuals were allowed to become citizens. I was allowed. I then ran for President. I believe that answers all your questions.
thanks obama. it raises a bunch of other questions, but at this point i am just ready to accept it.
i was feeling bummed out and kind of nostalgic, so i started rooting around in my dad's old wallet. just to see what i'd find. it is actually kind of insane how much junk you can fit inside this thing. there's still a car in there that i haven't had to whip out in years, seeing as i'm a wind god that can fly and don't really get out all that much anyway. my dad took a lot of pictures. i guess i'm thankful for that, because i wasn't really all that into photographing myself as a kid. or as an adult, for that matter. if it weren't for all of his meticulous scrapbooking, all of these important milestones from my childhood would be lost to time. eventually i'd even forget them, probably. like in a thousand years or something. and then it'd be like it never even happened. miss you, dad. happy father's day. #fathersday
hope youre doin ok today man :(
wow, this is pretty crazy. i didn't even know meenah was alive, let alone the leader of an insurrectionist political movement.
what happen. when i'm gonna taking the play station. disconnect it. then put the whole thing in your ass? #suggestive
happy birthday, karkat! we don't really talk as much as we used to, but i still think fondly of all the times you have created brand new expletives that nobody has ever used before, and also saying them so loudly that it can be heard the next kingdom over. here's to you, old buddy!
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/3b72d38192cb.jpg #spooky #awesome
how dId they get that on camera -posted from My Nukia N-Gage CullD
one zillion boonbucks or dinner with harry anderson from night court?
nice try, troll gandalf, but i wasn't born yesterday. it literally says your name right there.
ohh, i see. well, sex with harry anderson wasn't really on the table for this premise, but i suspect that your mastery of majyyks or whatever would be pretty compelling for a legendary magician like H.E.
good question! let me think. umm... okay well one option is a price and the other is priceless! so obviously i'm taking the money hahaha. just kidding!! i think the answer is pretty obvious. :P
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/513defe184c1.webp https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f16df184e049.jpg this is the dover demon. it's a pretty niche monster as far as cryptids go, because there are actually only a handful of sightings to build any lore off of! basically in 1977, in a place called "dover, massachusetts" three different teenagers claimed to see this creepy, skinny thing with a melon head, red eyes and long fingers. all three teenagers drew pictures, which ended up being eerily similar. one of the kids even swore on a stack of bibles that he saw what he said he saw! (this is a pretty big deal for the trolls out there. and people who live on earth-c.) i like to think that it was some kind of genetic experiment made by the government or something. the government was up to all kinds of kooky and morally questionable junk back then. #awesome #cryptids #johnscryptidcorner #workshoppinghashtags
i can tell this dudes genome just by lookin @ him the govts not special we can dove our OWN demons #true
there should be a reaction button that conveys the emotion of reuniting with your loving wife and daughter.
it should play music when they view the notification too probably. if only there was a really fitting song for that exact scenario.
casey how the hell did you get this picture. was there a hidden camera in that salamander village where we first met? holy crap. i was so oiled up in this photo. my suit, so ruined. embarrassing!
dude yes. fuck, that would be so major. aw jeez, what song would you even USE for that kind of highly emotional scenario?? wait. "i don't want to miss a thing" by aerosmith. NAILED it.
aaaahhhmmm.. just found in itnernet but u so cutteee i miss greenb suit
ah, what the hell. what does it matter. i am just so glad to be reunited once again.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/418032e9d04e.jpg me crawling out of bed in the middle of the night to get a cheese stick. #awesome
thank you, john. can i just say, you're looking great today. very sharp.
casey!? holy crap, this site is so awesome. instant follow.
lmao i did this earlier but instead of the middle o the nite it was an intermission 2 my #classique 3pm cat nap #TWINNING
off to a good start with my #relatable posts. hi roxy! it has been SO long. haha.
hahaha heyyyyy..... yea LOL it kinda has been #longtimenocheet #chittrreunion TOO long iykwim ;) lol!!! where the hellve YOU been hiding!
well god damn! rite under our friggin noses LOL i kinda noticed that tho..... like u stopped comin 2 boys night was it 2 much of a sausage party for ya?? ;)) lmao
wow. is that barak trollbama, president of earth c? (EDIT: and NOT the troll kingdom. does the troll king have an account on this site?) this site is a bigger deal than i thought. thank you for the like, kind president. it's so cool how you are like the final and arguably best president of the united states, but a troll.
President of Earth-C, but "Troll kingdom" gets the general premise I suppose.
sorry, i guess i am not as tuned into politics as i thought i was. i will edit my post, sir.
That's alright. Worse happens on this site; I'm assuming as a John Egbert variant you know of a Strider. You're fine.
(Also, for the record, the troll king does not exist, but the "Troll Queen" does. And yes, she does have an account. Multiple, actually.)
you mean the batter witch? i am PRETTY SURE i'd know if she was in charge of earth c's troll kingdom, considering i took part in slaying that nasty hag!
i guess if you want to suck off an evil tyrant and use all the syllables she likes, sure. :/
Just wanted to ensure we were talking about the same person. I govern directly against her, so we're on the same team here, I assure you.
chittr, i hardly know her! is that anything? hi, i am john. i played a game and it sucked so much ass that nobody has one anymore. i am seeing that this site is some kind of portal to the infinite parallel realities of paradox space, which is pretty crazy if you think about it. it's kind of similar to those little bubbles loaded with stream-of-consciousness gibberish that would pop up all over the place when we would go to sleep and hang out with dead people. does anybody remember that? shoot, i guess that some of you are currently experiencing that. sorry if you're dead and tired of hearing about those goofy bubble things. anyway, my friend/mom/nanna/fellow-god-of-earth @gutsyGumshoe basically demanded i make an account here or she would mercilessly beat me with an oversized spoon, so here i am. i will try to keep up with posting so long as i have the energy for it.
I played a game that killed me and all I got was this shitty t-shirt.
hey, jade. sorry i keep ducking all of your hangout invites. :( i just feel so blehhh sometimes, you know? i swear we will catch up and watch a movie soon.
that is totally fine so long as you promise we will eventually do a watch of something soon! i hope you feel less bluhhh soon, heheh.
no... i was just saying that to impress you. sorry.