Dove Strider
@turntechGodhead
d strider on the comeup dm for collabs profile art by piccasa on tumblr.
the big man on campus is a woman, hate to break to ya. also she likes chicks.
pussy so bald that shit started wearing a snapback #bars #nsfw
wgat
draCula flow type shit
root beer is the most mr president ass beverage ever it straight up tastes like the vibe of the oval office
I WAKE UP AND FLY INTO A BLIND RAGE IM MILKING MOTHERFUCKERS JUST SO I CAN HAVE A BOWL OF CEREAL #TROLLDRACULAFLOW
three fingers in her box got me acting like a caniac #bars #nsfw
Interesting.
y'know if i was a bacteria i would be missing the hell outta her microbiome #vaguepostingiguess
what’s her @
WE ARE MOTHERFUCKIN ENTRENCHED IN THIS BITCH FUCK THE PTSD I AM THE TRAUMATIC EVENT #TROLLDRACULAFLOW
lowkey what were they putting in those chicken sandwiches at burger king shit felt like biting into a motherfucking water balloon of mayo with how loaded up with sauce those bitches were. did the employees just not give a fuck and just close their eyes and spray the chicken with enough sauce to make the messiah proud? shiiiit dog id probably feel the same way seven hours into a ten hour shift at bk that would be a real fucked up life to live. still though that was way too much fuckin sauce for one hungry mouth to handle. i dunno man shit was like the wild west of sauce out there. crazy shit.
<<"sounds like they were putting mayo in it">>
god im really fucking with this apple right now this shit is so crunchy and juicy with a perfect blend of tartness and sweetness. shit is so cash. #breakfast #fruitposting
LET ME SET THE SCENE HERE. I'M SAT IN MY RESPITE BLOCK AT PRESENT, THE ONLY THING I HAVE OPEN ON MY COMPUTER IS CHITTR. IT'S A TEMPERATE MAY DAY IN THE TROLL KINGDOM AND THE RAIN IS COMING DOWN OUTSIDE PRETTY HEAVILY. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I HAVE THE WINDOW OPEN A CRACK TO HEAR IT FALL. THE SYNCOPATED PITTER PATTER ON THE OUTSIDE WINDOW DANCING IN CONCERT WITH THE SOUND OF MY TOUCH STUBS GLIDING ACROSS MY MECHANICAL KEYBOARD. BACK ON ALTERNIA, YOU DID *NOT* WANT YOUR WINDOW OPEN DURING THE RAIN. THAT SHIT WAS PURE ACID, AND THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR HIVE WAS BUILT TO WITHSTAND IT, BUT THE INSIDE SURE WASN'T AND NEITHER WAS YOUR SKIN. FOR SOME TIME, EVEN THOUGH ITS SAFE TO TOUCH THE RAINWATER ON EARTH-C, I REFUSED TO OPEN MY WINDOW. TODAY THAT CHANGED. DO YOU KNOW WHY THAT IS? BECAUSE TODAY IS A DAY OF FIRSTS. UPON REFLECTION, I SUPPOSE THIS IS MY FIRST 'SPONSORED POST'. A BENEFACTOR WHO WILL REMAIN ANONYMOUS GAVE ME A GIFT CARD TO A PIZZA PLACE CALLED GIORDANO'S. THERE WAS ENOUGH ON THIS CARD FOR A MEAL FOR TWO AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE, I *WILL* BE GOING BACK. I HATE EVERYTHING THAT THIS PIZZA TRIP HAS MADE ME BECOME. THE KARKAT THAT YOU KNEW YESTERDAY IS A DEAD MAN. HE'S BEEN LEFT IN THE PAST, MERELY AN ERRANT SPECTER HAUNTING YOUR MEMORY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY, TRULY FUCKING SORRY. I REALLY, REALLY LIKE EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. EXCEPT...I'M NOT SORRY, ACTUALLY. HAD YOU FOR A MOMENT, DIDN'T I? IF THERE IS ONE THING KARKAT VANTAS IS- IT'S UNREPENTANT IN HIS FOOD OPINIONS. DID YOU REALLY THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT I WOULD GROVEL AT YOUR FEET? BESEECH YOUR TEMPLE FOR APOLOGY? THROW MYSELF AT THE MERCY OF THE EXTREMELY FAKE CLOWN GODS ABOVE FOR DARING TO THINK THAT THIS PIZZA *FUCKS SEVERELY*? YOU'RE DEAD FUCKING WRONG. WELCOME TO KARKAT'S PIZZA REVIEWS. THERE IS NO GOD HERE BUT ME. FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR TITHES IN THE TIP JAR AND KISS MY FINALLY BEJEWELED RING YOU ME DAMNED HEATHEN. NORMALLY WHEN I TRY OUT A NEW PIZZA PLACE, I GO FOR THE BASICS. NOT THIS TIME. AS THIS WAS A SPONSORED VISIT, I TOOK INSTRUCTION ON WHAT PIZZA TO GET- ANY VARIETY OF THEIR EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. I SEE NOW WHY SOME HUMANS CALL THIS SHIT A 'PIZZA PIE' BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THAT THING HAD A *CRUST*. IT WAS LIKE EXCAVATING IN A MINE OF SAUCE AND MOLTEN HOT CHEESE. I'LL ADMIT. I WAS VERY HESITANT GOING INTO THIS. SAUCE? ON TOP OF THE PIZZA? HOW NOVEL! HOW STRANGE! I'D HEARD OF SUCH A CONCOCTION, SUCH A WEIRD FUCKING MEAL BEFORE AND I'D SORT OF WRITTEN IT OFF ENTIRELY. HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY APPEAL TO THE PALATE OF ANYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING THINKPAN AND THE FULL POSSESSION OF ONE'S NATURAL FLAVOR BUMPS. I WAS A FUCKING FOOL. A FRAUD, EVEN. I'M A MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN NOW. A BETTER MAN. THAT. SHIT. FUCKED. THIS WILL BE MY FIRST 10/10 REVIEW. THIS BASIC ASS, BEAUTIFULLY SIMPLISTIC CHEESE AND SAUCE DEEP DISH FLAVOR DISC WILL BE MY SWAN SONG. YOU CAN PLAY ME OUT NOW. I CAN DIE HAPPY. LET'S REVIEW WHAT'S GOOD. EVERYTHING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A WORD I JUST SAID? THIS IS UNASSAILABLE! YOU CANNOT HOPE TO ATTAIN THE BENEVOLENT PEAKS THAT THIS FLAVOR DISC PROVIDES, YOU HAPLESS DEGENERATE. YOU SPEND HOURS EVERY DAY GOONING ON CHITTR.ING WHEN THERE'S A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF EXPERIENCES WAITING FOR YOU OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR IF YOU JUST SEEK TO ATTAIN THEM,. THE CRUST FOUGHT ME. IT WAS A BRIEF STRUGGLE TO BITE INTO BEFORE ITS CRISPY DENSENESS YIELDED TO THE SUPERIOR MIGHT OF MY FANGS, LIKE A LOVER JUST A TOUCH TOO SHY TO GIVE IN RIGHT AWAY. THE SAUCE SETTLED ON TOP, A TEASING OCEAN OF TOMATO AND PESTO. SHE STARED AT ME IN OUR TWIN COLOR, EYES ALLURING AND INSPIRING A GROWL FROM ME. IT WAS FERAL. I'M NOT PROUD OF THE WAY I TOOK HER. THE WAY I CLAMPED MY CLAWS AROUND HER AND TORE INTO HER SUPPLE FLESH. ...WHAT? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS #SUGGESTIVE? I'M DESCRIBING BITING INTO A SLICE OF PIZZA YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. THE CHEESE WAS THICK. HAVING BEEN BAKED INTO THE BASED LAYER OF THE PIZZA MEANT THAT SHIT WAS LIKE A LAVA EXPLOSION IN MY MOUTH. THERE WAS SO MUCH OF IT I THOUGHT I MIGHT DIE. IT SCORNED ME AT FIRST, BURNED THE SHIT OUT OF MY CHIN, BUT ENTICED ME WITH HER FLAVOR. SO I PUT IT DOWN AND TOOK A HUGE GLUG OF COKE (WITH ICE) AND THANK YOU TO THE GIORDANO'S STAFF FOR THEIR SWIFT RESPONSE BECAUSE ANY LONGER AND I MIGHT HAVE SCREAMED A LOT AND MADE EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT LOOK AT ME FUNNY AND THAT WOULD HAVE MADE ME NOT WANT TO POST THIS AT ALL. THE FLAVOR PROFILE WAS IMMACULATE. EVERY FLAVOR BLENDED INTO EACH OTHER SO PERFECTLY BUT STILL KEPT THEMSELVES CHASTELY DISTINCT, EACH SHOWING ME WHAT THEY HAD GOING FOR THEM INDIVIDUALLY AS WELL AS A COLLECTIVE. THEY WERE LIKE MY THREE GIRLFRIENDS. AND YES THEY SMOKED WEED. TO PUT INTO THE SIMPLEST WORDS POSSIBLE. I AM A CHANGED MAN. I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON THAN WHO WALKED INTO THAT PIZZA PLACE. THAT SHIT WAS ALSO WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR ME TO EAT IN ONE SITTING SO I STILL HAVE A FEW SLICES LEFT THAT I TOOK HOME AND SHOVED IN THE FRIDGE. VRISKA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS KEEP YOUR HANDSY THIEF PAWS OFF OF MY FUCKING PIZZA I MARKED IT WITH MY BLOOD AND PUNCHED IN TRIPLICATE THAT IT'S FUCKING *MINE*, OKAY? I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU HIGH AND DRY I GOT YOU A BBQ MEATLOVERS IT'S IN THE FRIDGE ON THE BOTTOM SHELF, OKAY? I EVEN GOT YOU A 2L OF SPRITE. YOU *LOVE* SPRITE. IS THIS ENOUGH APPEASEMENT FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR LOUSY, NO GOOD CLAWS OFF OF MY FOOD? YES? GOOD. GLAD WE COULD COME TO AN AGREEMENT. FINAL VERDICT: 10/10. I'VE FOUND A NEW LOVE IN LIFE. A NEW *PURPOSE.* THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE, GUYS. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS GO OUT AND SEIZE IT. CARPE DICKEM OR WHATEVER. THANK YOU AND GOONNIGHT. I MEAN GOODNIGHT.
YOU...REALLY DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. BUT LIKE, IF YOU'RE INSISTING I WON'T SAY NO.
WHOEVER THIS "ANONYMOUS BENEFACTOR" IS, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE RUMBLESPHERE-TWISTING CONUNDRUM OF SIMULTANEOUSLY DELIGHT AND DISGUST AT YOUR DESCRIPTION OF THE CLEARLY RELIGIOUS, ALBEIT DISTURBINGLY *CHARGED* EXPERIENCE YOU HAD SMASHING YOUR SLAVERING MAW AGAINST THAT MOLTEN PUPA POOL OF PIPING HOT, DAIRY-THICK ENLIGHTENMENT. AND I WISH I COULDN'T. BUT READING THIS CAUSED THE CORNERS OF MY MOUTH TO TICK *ONE* DEGREE UPWARD. I APPROVE.
MAYBE I WILL. YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT, LARDAAS. SO RIGHT NOW, I CHOOSE TO SEE YOU AS A DEEP DISH EARTH-C-HICAGO-STYLE PIZZA. AND WE BOTH KNOW *FULL* WELL WHAT A KARKAT CAN DO TO ONE OF THOSE.
WAIT, NO. HANG ON.
awwright fearless leader im takin the hint and goin out for pizza i shall say a prayer of thanks unto you for blessin me wwith your infinite culinary wwisdom and im only being half-sarcastic, the revvieww is sellin it to me big time as a guy wwho typically prefers neww hork pizza, because of course human neww york is simply superior in all respects
LISTEN DUDE, PREPARE TO BE FUCKING FLOORED. IT'S JUST NOT NATURAL HOW GOOD THIS SHIT IS.
...ON WHETHER OR NOT I CONCOCT A FETISH VIDEO FOR AN INCEL? I'M GOOD, MAN.
smoked some slime with sollux and i havent been able to bend my toes for the past three days #substance #ibeenwaddlinglikepingu #thisshitsucks
i feel gay a lot
i’m transferring all of my gay to you man
i cant prove it but fuckin every time i take a nap the piss gnomes go around my crib and change all my apple juice to piss. im going to freak the fuck out if this keeps happening dog something bad is going to happen if i wake up to apple juice to piss transmogrification one more goddamn time.
Hmm.
maybe ur sleep peeing in your drinks.
Hmm.
yknow im glad we dont got mcdonalds anymore they used to be making those nuggets out of dog surgery and roadkill
i dont wanna get into it directly bc some of the worst shit is still fresh for me but heres this wikipedia article https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/List_of_known_Vaults ((ooc. pretend this is a wikipedia article i guess. also tw for like. violence and substances and mental health stuff))
holy shit they really made that one vvault vvote just to see if they wwould do it?? thats so fucked earth really wwas an evvil place and america seemed like a unique evvil and blight upon the wworld
Haha nooo don't kill yourself your ass if too fatᴮˡᵉʰ ᵇˡᵉʰ ᵇˡᵉʰ
the big man on campus is a woman, hate to break to ya. also she likes chicks.
hell yeah girl
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m3too oh mygoodn3SS S3D
Uh. Get it. Yass queen. You are so slay.
so like i gotta say. im not a big fan of the dick vein on snickers. dont get me wrong now i dont play about a good snickers bar yknow like you best be knowing that shit satisfies especially after a long day. like you know they know that snickers really satisfies and you just gotta be like 'hah! you sly rascal.' but the dick vein bro. i dont wanna think of chomping down on some dismembered chocolate cock of christmas past while im getting to the center of this caramel peanuts and nougat. why would i want to be biting down on a cock anyways id be wanting to do some sweet oral acrobatics on it if it was a lover, which snickers definitely could be if it didn't have this goddamn dickvein. like sure its from how they make it or whatever but i feel like we're in a post dick vein society at this point. sufficiently advanced to do away with the nuts and the buts of leaving behind a nasty looking ridge of chocolate that can only be described as a vein running down the length of what is otherwise a perfect satisfying delicious treat man. i dunno bro. i think we can move on from the snickers dick vein to greener dick veinless pastures. who agrees.
... i had literally never seen it as a dick vein. thanks for that i fucking guess! 8T
man i miss snickers. dick vein or not, that shit was tasty
girl block me
mad tasty. even if its got some veinage its still a bomb ass candy bar. praying for the day you can get back in on that deliciousness.
dont think that day will come unless we get some kind of like willy wonka jesus moment here but thanks