dave strider
@turntechsGodhead
dj, really fucking great photographer and owner of the best collection of taxidermy crows this side of the incipisphere
holy shit the chittr timeline is rife with horny on main this is crazy im being bombarded with it right and left you know my delicate eyes cant take it #nsfw
karkat hating my chits must be a day that ends in y
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none of the karkats hate my chits and idk if thats a sign that im doing something really right or really wrong but its for sure a sign im doing something really something
OH, DID YOU THINK I WAS JUST GOING TO POST REVIEWS FOR PIZZA? YOU FOOL. YOU FUCKING MORON. YOU FUCKING IGNORAMUS. OH MY SWEET SUMMER FUCKHEAD. NO, WE'RE MOVING ON TO BURGERS NOW. THE RIGHT BURGER IS SOMETHING THAT CAN RARELY BE PUT INTO WORDS AND MIGHT ONLY BE ABLE TO BE ACCURATELY DESCRIBED WHEN PUT INTO SONG. BUT I'LL TRY MY BEST. FOR YOU. YOU UNGRATEFUL LEECHES. THE METRICS FOR WHICH I ENJOY A BURGER ARE VERY SIMPLE. I LOOK FOR THREE THINGS, NO MATTER WHAT TYPE OF BURGER IT IS: MOIST, FLAVORFUL MEAT, ENOUGH CHEESE TO PUT AN ESPECIALLY LARGE SHRIEKBEAST INTO THE GROUND AND ADEQUATELY TOASTED BUNS. NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO GET IN THE COMMENTS TO SAY: HAHA, BUNS! HAHAHAHAHA, HE SAID MEAT! YES. THIS IS THE PRICE WE PAY WHEN TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING AS WONDERFUL AS THE HUMBLE BURGER. SOMETIMES SHIT IS GOING TO END UP SOUNDING REALLY FUCKING #SUGGESTIVE AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN REALLY DO ABOUT IT. SO HERE, THIS IS YOUR MOMENT. YOUR TIME EVEN! MOIST MEAT. TOASTED BUNS. SUPPLE, DELICATE BREAD. OOEY, GOOEY CHEESE. WASN'T THAT FUNNY? AREN'T YOU JUST TICKLED FUCKING PINK AT THE VAGUEST BULLSHIT? I BET YOU ARE, YOU KNUCKLE-DRAGGING MOUTHBREATHER. ANYWAY, TODAY I VISITED A BURGER PLACE KNOWN AS TITO'S. HERE THEY SERVE A VARIETY OF BURGERS, INCLUDING THE FABLED 'SMASH PATTY', AND HERE'S WHERE OUR TASTES MAY DIFFER. THIS MAY BE THE PART WHERE YOU RAISE YOUR PITCHFORKS AND PUT ME TO THE FUCKING TORCH BECAUSE HOT TAKE? I DON'T REALLY LIKE SMASH PATTIES. I THINK THEY HAVE THEIR PLACE. I WOULDN'T TURN MY NOSE UP IF I FOUND ONE ON MY PLATE, LOVINGLY CRAFTED BY ONE OF MY DEAR FRIENDS WHO SAW FIT TO FEED ME. "YOU'RE SAFE NOW, MY CHILD", THEY SAY. "DON'T EVER FUCKING CALL ME THAT AGAIN!" I REPLY. BUT YEAH I WOULDN'T *CHOOSE* A SMASH PATTY SO THAT'S WHY I'M GLAD TITO'S HAS OTHER OPTIONS. WHEN TRYING OUT A NEW BURGER PLACE I ALWAYS DEFAULT TO THEIR MOST BASIC BURGER AVAILABLE. HERE, THIS HAPPENED TO BE THE DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER. BULLY FOR FUCKING ME, THAT HAPPENS TO BE MY FAVORITE KIND. THIS DOUBLE CHEESE CAME WITH A SALAD TOPPING AND SOME OF THE HOUSE'S SIGNATURE 'BURGER SAUCE', WHICH LOSES POINTS BECAUSE I HATE IT WHEN SHIT IS NAMED LIKE THAT. WHAT'S IN IT? WHAT DOES IT ENTAIL? IS IT SPICY OR SWEET? ROLL THE FUCKING DICE YOU IGNORANT FUCK! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW UNTIL ITS IN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, ASSAULTING YOU WITH ITS AIRHEADS: WHITE MYSTERY. TO CUT A LONG DIATRIBE SHORT THOUGH THE SAUCE WAS FINE I THINK IT WAS A MUSTARD BASE WITH SOME SPICES. I GIVE THIS BURGER A SOLID 7/10. IT WAS A GOOD BURGER! I ENJOYED IT! TASTY ENOUGH FOR SURE AND I WOULDN'T SAY NO TO GOING TO THE PLACE AGAIN. THE MEAT WAS JUICY, AND HELD ALL THE GREASY SHIT THAT I LOVE. TITO, THE PROPRIETOR HIMSELF, WAS MORE THAN WILLING TO ACCOMMODATE MY REQUEST FOR EXTRA CHEESE AND BOY DID HE DELIVER- THAT SHIT WAS DRIBBLING ONTO MY SHIRT I FELT LIKE A WRIGGLER AT MCDISORDERS WHO'S LUSUS IS TOO BUSY TO ADEQUATELY TAKE CARE OF THEM. FAST, FRIENDLY SERVICE. NOW LET'S GO ONTO WHAT BRINGS IT DOWN IN THE SCORE. THE SALAD ITSELF WAS TASTY BUT *NOT* CRISP. WHEN I BITE INTO A PICKLE, I EXPECT IT TO CRUNCH, I EXPECT IT TO RESIST ME. I EXPECT IT TO BE A BRIEF, FLEETING FIGHT BETWEEN MY TEETH AND THIS OBSTINATE VEGETABLE. UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS ALL A BIT LIMP. AS BEFORE MENTIONED, I DON'T ENJOY A MYSTERY SAUCE- EVEN IF I ENDED UP LIKING IT, THE HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE OF BEING HESITANT TO TAKE A BITE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS WHITE SHIT IS KIND OF PUT ME OFF A BIT. THE BIGGEST OFFENDER TO MY RATING SYSTEM WAS THE FACT THAT I HAD TO ORDER FRIES *SEPARATELY*. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHERE A BURGER DOESN'T *COME WITH* THE FRIES? WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING THAT IT'S A SEPARATE CHARGE?! THIS SPITS IN THE FACE OF THE ENTIRE BURGER EXPERIENCE! A BURGER WITHOUT HER FRIES IS LIKE A THRESHECUTIONER WITHOUT HIS SICKLE. WHICH IS TO SAY: HE'S A VERY FUCKING PISS POOR EXCUSE FOR A THRESHIE TO BE QUITE HONEST!!! A DRINK AS A DISJOINTED PIECE I WILL ACCEPT. A DESSERT, TOO! HELL, I'LL EVEN ACCEPT SEPARATE ONION RINGS! BUT FRIES? THE FRIES?! IF THIS IS WHERE THE FUTURE OF THE BURGER RESTAURANT IS HEADED THEN I AM NOT FUCKING OPTIMISTIC. AS ITERATED BEFORE, 7/10. JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHERE I REVIEW A HOT DOG OR SOME SHIT WHO KNOWS! I SURE AS HELL WON'T UNTIL I GET TO THE RESTAURANT, SO FUCK OFF WITH YOUR NOSY, PROGNOSTICATIVE BULLSHIT! KARKAT OUT.
i too expect my pickles to resist me but thats really hard for them naturally
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER PIZZA PLACE TO TRY. I'M STILL SEARCHING FOR ANYWHERE ON EARTH-C WHERE THEY ACTUALLY GET THIS SHIT PERFECT. I'M TALKING THE OPTION FOR STUFFED CRUST, A CRISPY BASE, ADEQUATE GREASE AND PLENTY OF CHEESE. I DON'T CARE WHAT HUMAN '''ITALIANS''' THINK- THE TRADITIONAL STYLE OF FLAVOR DISCS IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. YOU MEAN YOU'RE PAYING FOR SOMEONE TO SKIMP ON THE CHEESE AND FLOUNDER A BUNCH OF GREEN SHIT ON THERE HAPHAZARDLY? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. TODAY'S SLICE ACTUALLY GOT PRETTY FUCKING CLOSE. MY FAVORED TOPPING IS PEPPERONI WITH EXTRA CHEESE AND THEY SURE AS HELL DELIVERED ON THE EXTRA CHEESE PART. THIS SHIT HAS A CHEESE PULL STRAIGHT OUT OF THE ONE IN WHICH AN ANTHROMORPHIC BARKBEAST AND HIS BARKBEAST SON HAVE TO TRAVERSE THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF BEING CARETAKER AND GRUB WHILE ON A SCUTTLEBUGGY TRIP ACROSS THE ALTERNIAN MAIN CONTINENT TO GO FISHING BUT THE KID WANTS TO GO SEE A CONCERT INSTEAD TO IMPRESS HIS FLUSH CRUSH. THE ONLY THING THIS LOSES POINTS FOR IS THAT THE PEPPERONI IS LESS CRISP THAN I'D LIKE. IT SHOULD HOLD THE GREASE LIKE A CUP, PERFECT FOR GETTING ALL OVER YOUR NASTY CHIN AND MAKING YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR LATER AND WONDER WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. ANYWAY, STILL A SOLID 8/10 BUT NOT PERFECT. THE SEARCH CONTINUES. #FOODPOSTING #THESLICESEARCH
THAT'S ALL I NEED TO HEAR. WHAT KIND OF GUY WOULD I BE IF I DIDN'T PUT YOU ONTO SOME OF THE GREASIEST, MOST ARTERY CLOGGING SHIT MONEY CAN BUY?
then youd be the kind of guy that would turn his back on a bro just as desperately in need of pizza as you are leaving me destitute on the ground just short of my lifesaving pizza measure nurse nurse code pepperoni we need triage stat hes running out of sauce whats that? dave strider is coding? no impossible he could never run out of sauce but he can and he would if karkat doesnt let him in on the pizza secret FUCK get him a marinara iv stat
STOP YAPPING AND BEING DRAMATIC I ALREADY LISTED THE FUCKING ADDRESS TO DAVEPETA EARLIER IN THE THREAD. I'D NEVER LET A BRO BE DESTITUTE AND SLICELESS LIKE THAT.
and then they would see this thread and have you locked up for leaving me, such a sweet innocent guy, so destitute and sliceless
I WAS ON THE RUN FROM THE GOVERNMENT BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN A TWINKLE IN PARADOX SPACE'S EYE YOU FUCKING MORON, THEY'D NEVER CATCH ME.
thats what you think theyre gonna light you up like terezi did to lemonsnout
im destitute and sliceless
holy shit karkat just asked what a chud was somebody help him not me but someone
He does not know?
Hm I'm impressed and also feel immeasurable pity for him
i'm down so bad. how can i be down this bad just from a pfp?? i wanna make them break their vows. ♥︎ #nsfw; #concupiscentanonymously ♠
Due to popular demand aka the two other variations of me who told me I could run my mouth I bring to you my walrus taxidermy fun fact happy Thursday so theres this museum in london called the horniman which first of all how are you naming a museum the HORNY MAN i cannot believe i didnt think of that first anyway so its a natural history museum, theyve got all sorts of displays of taxidermy and artifacts etc. one of the displays they have is of this walrus and this walrus is special you wanna know why trust me dude you are simultaneously so ready and entirely NOT ready for this so in the early victorian period, the english were a bunch of dumb fucks who were clueless about a lot of shit including their knowledge of animals that werent native to the area which, walruses are not big surprise there they acquired this dead deflated old husk of a walrus on their hands SOMEHOW and, because they didnt know what a walrus looked like, these dunkasses overstuffed it big time like i am talking monolithic levels of stuffing pushed into this walrus corpse like we are dealing with a walrus the size of planet jupiter houston we have a problem so now we have this gorgeous dry specimen in real life and it sits on display at the fuckin horny man museum and fuck if it isnt glorious i got lucky enough to get a picture of it in real life so here it is folks lookin like a damn christmas ham. feast your eyes https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c2f2d0a15686.jpg
Well Thats Unfortunate
Oh Yes Its Just That Hes Got An Unfortunate Amount Of Aegyo Hes Utterly Flush With It
feeling pretty good! might cause mischief.
we can always count on you for some absolute top tier japery
me and who after hitting a blinker https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/93a89839cec4.jpg #substance maybe fuck i guess
Jesus christ, whys the picture so fucked up and fuzzy? Was this taken at fucking Chernobyl???
jesus christ why did that tag as nsfw its literally stiller and wilson https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/93a89839cec4.jpg
8=8 > Too hot for the feed.