@carbolicGalvanologist — #karknapped
FROM THE ICY BEACHES OF GORETHUMBRIA TO THE GREAT FIRE OF TROME, THIS KARKNAPPINGCATION HAS BEEN A DAYMARE IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE DIRECTION. I'VE BEEN DANGLED OVER EVERY METAPHORICAL SPIKE PIT THERE IS TO SQUIRM OVER, AND @handMaid WAS THE ONE HOLDING THE ROD AND REEL LIKE A GIGGLING ANGLER STRAIGHT OUT OF HELL EVERY SINGLE TIME. THIS PERNICIOUS FUCKING HARPY HAS REMINDED ME WITH EVERY PLIGHT, PERIL, AND TIME PERIOD AT HER DISPOSAL WHY EVERYONE CALLS THIS MAD, RAVING BITCH "THE DEMONESS." AND FOR ALL THE SHIT SHE JUST PUT ME THROUGH OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS? IT WAS. KIND OF FUN. ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. MAY...Read more
DAY FOUR SINCE I WAS #KARKNAPPED. TODAY WAS A FUCKING DOOZY. I SPENT THE EVENING SCUTTLING MY WAY AROUND BEAUTIFUL, BLOODY, BRUTAL-AS-ALL-FUCK ANCIENT ALTERNIA. DURING THE FUCKING MUTANT PURGES. THIS BIG, BLUE, BOW-WIELDING CRUSADER JACKASS CAME TROMPING BY ON A GIGANTIC METAL HOOFBEAST AND NEARLY RAN MY ASS DOWN UNTIL MARA YANKED MY ASS OUT OF THE WAY LIKE A COMICALLY LONG CANE IN A VAUDEVILLE ACT HOOKED AROUND MY NUGSTALK OFFSTAGE. KINDA REMINDED ME OF EQUIUS, ACTUALLY. MARA KNOWS HIM, OR SOMETHING. PROBABLY FUCKED HIM IN A PAST LIFE, I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S THE FREAKMAID. THIS IS PAR FOR THE COURSE. ...Read more
DAY THREE THAT I'VE BEEN #KARKNAPPED. CURRENTLY FLAT ON MY BACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS LATE OTTOTROLL EMPIRE OPIUM DEN. NOW *THIS* IS WHAT I CALL A #SUBSTANCE. WORK HARD, PLAY HARD, I GUESS.
DAY TWO SINCE I WAS #KARKNAPPED. MARA TIME-ZAPPED US TO THE SHORES OF ANCIENT GORETHUMBRIA WHERE I HAD TO LEAD A SHITPISS WEAKSLIME MILITIA AGAINST HER SHIELD WALL OF TIME CLONE HUSKARLS. THAT PSYCHOTIC HARPY REALLY LOVES TO SWING AROUND A BIG-ASS FLAIL. LUCKY FOR ME, I'M GOOD AT DUCKING. WE'RE TAKING A BREAK NOW. ALL IN ALL, STILL ALIVE. PALMHUSK IS AT 75%. I THINK WE'RE GOOD. WILL UPDATE WHEN THE MORTAL PERIL HAS EBBED ONCE MORE.
IT'S BEEN APPROXIMATELY FIVE HOURS SINCE I WAS #KARKNAPPED. GOD DAMN THAT FUCKING CUEBALL FOR POSTING A LITERAL GUIDE TO THIS RIGHT BEFORE THIS HAPPENS. THAT LACQUER-POLISHED SHITFUCK MIGHT AS WELL HAVE DECLARED OPEN SEASON. I'M OKAY. HANDCUFFED TO THE LOUNGEPLANK, BUT OKAY. I GUESS THIS IS WHAT EMPLOYEE RAPPORT-BUILDING TIME LOOKS LIKE WHEN YOU'RE ON FORCED VACATION TIME. JUST DON'T FREAK THE FUCK OUT OVER ME TOO MUCH. I'LL GET OUT OF HERE. I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO PICK A CUFF. OR I CAN FIND THE KEY. MAYBE SHE HID IT IN MY DIGESTION SAC, OR SOMETHING. I COULD START PUNCHING MYSELF UNTIL I COUGH IT U...Read more