D.
@dStrider
Voted Time's Magazine - "Most Annoying Sex Symbol" [ Post-Scratch Dave ] [ Bisexual Monster ]
love ya lil man
mr president a second dick has hit the mother
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i legally cant like this but just know
fuck.
I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.
what’s wrong?
ppreciate the energy, skittles but right now daddy is dealing with a daily crisis of getting really into someone on a first conversation
getting really into someone on a first conversation another day that ends in y
oh gosh, i get how that is. good luckkkk!
you figured it out, detective but i hired you to figure out who stole my dog
i knew it hes out there gambling on those yellow brick streets again
can you get hydraulics on a wheelchair asking for a tangent
pretty sure you could!
thats the know-how i like to hear j.c extraordinary
i am loving these nicknames!!!
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first thing on the fucking agenda, my man
look ive got a hypothetical wheelchair waiting for me in the future and i need to figure out my options ahead of time
I have Hydralics in my prostetic arm, idk why not a wheel chair
hell yeah puppy ken (which btw sounds like a fantastic job to have in barbie world)
Gdi, bro....
got her
You will rue this war, Strider.
sorry i cant hear you over the 200 something dollars i swindled outta you over the years
You can use the funds for the wheelchair you'll soon be requiring.
my blinged out wheelchair has rims that spin on its own
im allowing the employees to invest their break time into an interest bearing account if they invest their 30 minutes now they could have up to 48 hours of break time a day by retirement age
this sounds like it makes sense!
hell yeah lil harley-claire you gotta let people optimize their resources if you want them to work harder
How many employees could you possibly have?
ewwwugh, don't call me harley again, haha! but you're right, it's a good idea!
lets see. theres the recording studio, the game studio, the art studio, the burger king i franchised so i could have one right next to my house, the burger king i franchised so i could have one right next to my office, the actors union, the funeral home and....
whoops sorry jojo
Hm. One moment, I need to inspect the nearest Burger King.
thanks for your business you absolute fool youve been funneling your cash into my pocket this whole time
I will regain my wallets worth through theft. Expect complaints shortly.
forgiven!! :)
sigh
weve decided to give the interns swords and you wouldnt believe what happened
...your investors see the business as cutting-edge and innovative?
i get a lot of flak for the pills, the coke, and the reeses cup addiction but as awful as those might be at least ive never touched league of legends
Proud of you, but at the same time... Reeses cups? Really? With so many objectively better candies out there?
yknow i usually like your posts off principle of supporting my girl but this is just a factually wrong take
morally wrong in fact im cross checking the bible and this gets you sent to a secret 10th bonus level of hell
Reeses cups are overrated. If you're going to be going for an overrated piece of candy, at least do Snickers or Milky Way.
was going to mention how low your bar is but the peanut butter cup hate was more shocking.
see you know to stand beside me for the important issues we have to put aside our mutual distaste for me and join forces to fight the real monsters here
at least it's mutual. could not be this way but i know that's hard for dave's.
im a complex and pragmatic character its impossible to contain just positives in my many many many multitudes but you possess a single attribute: youre adorable cmon youre digging through my old posts to get a comment in id say more but if i publically expose you too hard youll ghost me for a week
in other news, if theres any particularly fiesty old broads out there im looking to hire a hitman to fight @tempestousTheophany out outside the joann fabrics
We've discussed this. There isn't a murderer alive that can free you from my wrath.
her weaknesses include sincere emotions, open communication, and her hook toe
jokes on you dude joanns closed down
im buying joanns fabric ip and reopening it just to stage this fight there will never be a better stage for this womans downfall
how about to-church tuesday where we go to church and think about what weve put on the dash
sOuNdS LiKe yOu kInK ShAmInG MaN. wHaT ThE KiDs dOiN NoW OlD BlOoD?
Don't ruin this for me.
seeing wireplay, tits out, and other things my sweet texas heart cant abide by in other news get the gimp mask on and leash up bitch
thats literally 99% on why im posting this
You're not prepared for the horrors that will visit you when you sleep. Know this.
ill lay out the charcucchi board if youre coming over r.l
You'll lace it with rat poison. #cw-FoodWaste
nAh sOuNdS RiGhT Up yEr aLlY MoThErFuCkEr. (o: CoUrSe iT'S A YoU MoAnInG BoUt gEtTiNg hIs wIrEs pLuCkEd. (O: wAnNa mAkE A MoViE WiTh mE DaVe?
i would never poison the sharkcucci
If my inspection proves otherwise, you will be choking on the 'cucci.
my alts are literally the cutest things ive ever seen im always struggling not to collect them like beanie babies oh this dave? this is ragstitched dave normally restoration drops the value but they actually raised the bar with this iconic stitchwork this dave? thats plaid dave hes a perfectly standard dave but hes got this sick plaid ascot that im not sure every dave could pull off dead dave, do not eat gal dave? we love to see it
This is what I am talking a8out, actually.
we love to see it spidergal
I am not saying you are the only Strider experience, 8ut I would say it is more common that not for your archetype.
not sure you actually said something coherent here but im getting the feeling this is either praise or condemnation
remember to leash your clowns if youre taking them out in public
how could i forget?
see this is the community-minded insight we need from kids today
kids? man, am i that young looking? hehe.
if we doubled your age i would still be older so...
woah. you don't look that old at all!!
thanks could be magic, could be drugs, could be snorting vitamins like an addiction but heres 20$ for stroking my ego
keep your money, its okay!! i'm just being truthful! :)
haha you little asskisser talk like that will get you drowning in werthers originals
well now i want to be more flattering, hehe.
as a wise woman once said... Body like WOW! Pussy 'bout to end this drought Titties so plentiful, fish queen jezebel Should be criminal Don't make sense for a bitch to be this endowed
Please delete this, D. We're worried for you.
friendly reminder to take your meds or yknow give them to a friend (i got competitive rates)
do you want my antidepressants i don't really need them anymore #substance
oh snap i just realized the drug market for ghosts must go donkey kong bananas like all the percs none of the health risks its an untapped market no one thinks to fleece the deceased thanks mini-me, ill send a portion of the profits your way
no problem man i got like a billion ideas all of the time you know how it is
the folds in our brains are so deep and moist theyre getting filmed for cinemax
saying "cant take anything seriously" like thats not a compliment
alright drug deal is done ngl i felt a little bad when the crocker purchasing agent looked like he was gonna start crying after his bids were one-upped by a dollar for an hour also dont hate my drug deals lalonde esp when you (or some variation of a mouthy hag) were the one who told me to buy this one
aight daddy has to go do a drug deal, kids you all be good while im gone
cmon kids can you at least make your substance problems look fun most of yall use drugs like youre going to the dentist
oh dude absolutely let your cup runneth over and gurgle that positive attention like a champ but yknow cheesed typ. means "disappointed, annoyed, or angry" figured you were feelin some type of way bout something
Cheesed as in pleased. Cheesed as a little mouse with a mouthful of Gouda. That good shit, with the expensive label and smoked rind.
oh shit? the GOOD cheese? youre breaking that shit out for lil ol me
Feast thine eyes, big guy. I’m talking Camembert, goat cheese with blackberry compote, a hearty cheddar for those who love the classics.
id pinch your cheeks but tbf theres like multiple factors i gotta clear before i know thats a possibility would you settle for a hair ruffle thats absolutely gonna mess up your look?
I’ll roll my eyes about it, but deep down we both know it’s appreciated.
hair: ruined crops: watered lil man: you
🥹
good emoji big ol eyes like that gets you a twenty slipped in your pocket during a hug
Oh. Fuck. Yes.
he left the severed head of ms piggy on my doormat its okay. his love language is gifts #puppets #puppet-death
oh wait this is the head of ms piggy from his movie
NOOOO PUPPET DEATH??? :(
she died for the arts the arts and a pretty graphic movie
DAWG ITS STILL A PUPPET...
lmao scrub