D.
@dStrider
Voted Time's Magazine - "Most Annoying Sex Symbol" [ Post-Scratch Dave ] [ Bisexual Monster ]
love ya lil man
i mightve daddy'ed when i shoulda fathered
write that down write that down
i need child support
It isn’t too late to delete this.
still hate that puppet
cmon pretty boy, show me those teeth
hey havent been active here for a minute the interns are holding all the executives hostage and i gotta say not a bad experience
// Yo. There was a flood in the house. Apologies to anyone waiting on a response.
// Thankfully in the basement. So it's fine, just a lot of clean up/making sure mold won't develop/calling people to fix things. ))
i stand by the fact micheal myers owns a nintendo 64 cause you know he got that donkey dong
i identify as a nuisance
alright ladies gents robots i was just messin around if everyone can get in line then ill start makin my rounds i have 69.99 hours to kill so enough time to spread the strider love around
alexa how do i say "im gonna make you see god" without sounding cocky?
Is it a requirement to not come off cocky.
im entering my humble era its where i dont change how i act, talk, or think but i tell everyone im in my humble era so far working out pretty well
Something like "This may be a religious experience for you" then.
see i said exactly that (great minds think alike) and i was told i sounded egocentric i even prefaced it with "not to sound egocentric"
It was non-denominal and everything. Touch unreasonable.
real eaters have their mouths too full to talk #nsfw #realeaters #munch
buddy i could be deep throating a traffic cone and still get a word in edgewise
Buckle up sweetheart ill have you praying with your knees skyward. Worked out pretty well for me on a couple of occasions *wink!*
bout to introduce a booty call to a new religious figure
ᨳ Need any more devotees?
appreciate the offer and ill check your references with the other deities ill get back to you on the teamsapp
dudes got that kind of pretty face that perfectly compliments the pillow
8=l < Ah, someone has rechitted me 8=l < I love being relatable 8=l < My power grows
꧁Hhhyeshighblood.꧂
8=l < Keep calling me that, I like it 8=l < I also accept Lord
꧁HHHHhhhhLOrdHIghbLOOd....꧂
8=D < Yesssss
it is with a heavy confused heart that i announce that the queen of the interns brenda was arrested by the police after declaring herself the sword god of chicago confusing because our office is stationed in hollywood your reign of terror and blood will be missed your majesty
i refuse to google translate for pretty anime girls and i refuse to google translate for pretty twink boys
i absolutely will not
if god wanted me to know id already know the language
weeb
is anyone actually surprised? god, do you remember where my old green ghost shirt came from?
wrong flavor of dave, eggs
oh. that's rough buddy.
still you look nice enough yknow besides the whole "you might be a crocker-corp plant" thing
god i hate betty crocker, and everything related. somehow she actually raised my grandma? timelines are weird. also she was an evil fish empress i helped kill? so there's that, but that doesn't mean you believe me.
im not using google translate to figure out what you just said here either but congrats/im sorry to hear about that/thats what a plant would say
wait why would google translate help? i mean i can tell you all kinds of stuff, but it sounds like you wouldn't believe me, not even if i just showed up and flew around.
the son surpasses the father because i think i just saw the stupidest thing thats ever graced the strider line
i wish like i could be like r.l i fantasize about being a financial failure and needing an eldritch pump and dump to support my lifestyle but unfortunately anything i touch just prints money literally gave away billions to charity and somehow made a profit wiping my tears with million dollar bills (if you dont know about million dollar bills youre not in a high enough tax bracket)
Unsurprising that you fantasize about me. One day, you too may be chosen by beings beyond your astoundingly simple understanding and enact their will for a great purpose. Probably not, but that shouldn't stop you from hoping for a meaningful life that has more than cocaine and hookers. #Substances #Sex-work #LifeLessons
first off my life has more than cocaine theres a wide variety of drugs that keep my pathetic mortal coil entertain tyvm & gfys second off if you think i need to pay for sex you really underestimate my tax bracket turns out once you make ludicris amounts of money people start giving you a lot of stuff for free including sex
Entertained is not the same as fulfilled, Strider. Destiny will come for you, eventually. Just don't mistake its calling for one of your psychedelic trips. #Substances #Drugs
the interns are demanding we extend their internship or theyll execute an accountant every hour
tough but fair
i respect the bold choice and the initiative even more reason to hire them on but theyre really fighting becoming full employees
That feels like the reverse of how things usually go but I say hire them anyway. It rewards their tenacity while still keeping you in charge.
▲tried killing one of the interns yet?▼
i cant interns have increased rights once theyre full time employees then they can be put down
The Burger King employees are faring much better.
ofc they make 80k a year w/ full benefits those people would take a bullet before working in the office
How did you ever profit from this business, there are five people who frequent this location.
shrug im cursed lalonde no matter what i do everything i touch becomes a massive success and prints money despite all logic saying it shouldnt really suffering over here
Heavy is the crown. May your interns not remove it, head and all. Guillotines are back in fashion, I fear.
terrible accident at work the interns have used the swords we gave them to take accounting hostage who could have seen this coming?
What was the plan for the swords. If I may ask.
wdym the plan was they got some sweetass swords
hindsight bias
Okay. And then they used them. What's the issue.
the issue is we kinda need accounting if theyre not writing the checks then i gotta handle the payroll and that sounds like a pain
Have you thought about giving the accountants polearms.
youre as smart as youre pretty ill check if amazon sells them
mr president a second dick has hit the mother
dir]{*
i legally cant like this but just know
fuck.
what’s wrong?
ppreciate the energy, skittles but right now daddy is dealing with a daily crisis of getting really into someone on a first conversation
getting really into someone on a first conversation another day that ends in y
oh gosh, i get how that is. good luckkkk!
you figured it out, detective but i hired you to figure out who stole my dog
i knew it hes out there gambling on those yellow brick streets again