♦ pitied by @dStrider
HELD OUT LONG ENOUGH WITHOUT GIVING IN TO THE WIDESPREAD SOCIAL-MEDIA SLOP VIRUS THAT'S INFECTED EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PERSON I'VE EVER KNOWN, AND WILL PROBABLY INFECT MOST OF THE PEOPLE I'LL EVER MEET IN THE FUTURE, INTO DOWNLOADING THIS PIECE OF SHIT APP. UNFORTUNATELY, IF I HAVE TO SCROLL PAST ONE MORE UNSOLICITED PICTURE OF SOME PERVERT'S BARELY CONCEALED BULGE OR AN AI-GENERATED VIDEO OF ANIMALS DOING RACIST HUMAN CARICATURES ON FINSTAGRAM, I WILL PERSONALLY PAY A VISIT TO THEIR HEADQUARTERS AND HAVE THEIR CORPORATE OFFICE LOOKING LIKE THE LAST ACT OF FUCKING “BRAINDEAD”. SO, I'M HERE. AND I'M FAR FROM FUCKING EXCITED ABOUT IT. BUT, IN THE INTEREST OF TRYING NOT TO BE SUCH A CONFLICT-DRIVEN, TERMINALLY AGITATED CUNT-ASS ALL THE TIME, I'M GOING TO EXTEND THE OLIVE BRANCH AND LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT IF YOU'RE NOT AN INSUFFERABLE PRICK, DON'T BE AFRAID TO INTERACT. - KK

okay so the current situation is there is a dave who may or may not be me stuck in a washing machine shut up not in a oh my god step bro way in a genuine i was proving to someone i could fit in one and now i fucked up getting in is one thing, getting out is a different beast
How am I meant to flirt with him in these conditions. This is so ridiculous, I’m laughing.

stealing hearts is a crime

i need child support

here i am eating my ice cream and watching tv theres something touching my foot what the fuck is touching my foot its a cat in my apartment i dont have a cat
[THERE ARE $OME #HITTR U$ER$ I WON'T NAME NAME$ BUT THEY LOOK LIKE THE GAYE$T $TRAIGHT MEN EVER AND IT I$ DI$TRE$$ING]

\ be1ng a brat wh0 als0 l1kes pra1se 1s ann0y1ng /

mister strider with all due respect i dont think anyone should get piercings done at claires

dang

that would make it worse

where

dont fall for me we already tried it youre a bad kisser

Not at all surprised that you can't pick up analgesics on your own. Would you like one dose or two? #Substances #ColdmedicineIsAControlledSubstance
bro learn your hollywood history. showbizz was born on the back of westerns. plus like doesnt terentino where a cowboy hat? or maybe spielberg. i forget.
who was gonna warn me that the chronic fatigue would be indeed chronic and also fatiguing
found out cowboy dave is already real reconsidering my gimmick might fall to robocop give me a min here
Low key fucked up that I'm the only Dave using this power tbh

Good morning. Another #LifeHack, morning can be any point of the day you awaken. Don't allow the social structures of "time" dictate your life.

Why do you guy2 hat3 m3 in th3 not fun and 23xy way?
real eaters have their mouths too full to talk #nsfw #realeaters #munch

A little light headed. Maybe I should have some water.
(( to that dave again: Chittr has decided i'm not allowed to reply to you, which is rude and I don't know how to fix it. Don't worry about it, the error is pretty funny. ))
god i hate betty crocker, and everything related. somehow she actually raised my grandma? timelines are weird. also she was an evil fish empress i helped kill? so there's that, but that doesn't mean you believe me.
8=l < 誰のためにもGoogle翻訳は絶対に使いません 8=l < しかし、私のスマホのキーボードにはイースタンの英語がありません
oh. that's rough buddy.
is anyone actually surprised? god, do you remember where my old green ghost shirt came from?

If you need to try and work out what it means, just assume it's not meant for you.
i mean, i have been learning a lot of japanese.
my son tried to invite his girlfriend over for dinner without my permission. shes a great girl i just didnt make enough food

Entertained is not the same as fulfilled, Strider. Destiny will come for you, eventually. Just don't mistake its calling for one of your psychedelic trips. #Substances #Drugs

Unsurprising that you fantasize about me. One day, you too may be chosen by beings beyond your astoundingly simple understanding and enact their will for a great purpose. Probably not, but that shouldn't stop you from hoping for a meaningful life that has more than cocaine and hookers. #Substances #Sex-work #LifeLessons

Heavy is the crown. May your interns not remove it, head and all. Guillotines are back in fashion, I fear.

How did you ever profit from this business, there are five people who frequent this location.

The Burger King employees are faring much better.

Why are Prince pants so fucking stupid. Nobody wants to be wearing puffy pantaloons, at least trade them out for harem or jodhpur to let us pretend we have dignity.

No, that scans. My brief foray into being part of a work structure involved a lot of mind games. I think I prefer being a sole operator.

The exploitation of the "Exposure and Experience" economy is one of the pillars of business. It seems you've completely flipped it.

I don't understand how this business model works.

▲tried killing one of the interns yet?▼

▲kinda respect the hustle▼

What is hiring if not an indefinite paid internship?

Sounds like they know how to get things done. You should make them proper employees

Good business negotiating.

should let them.

What was the plan for the swords. If I may ask.

The fatigue came quickly. Unfortunate.

i ТТend ТТ[] ТТrusТТ Lal[]ndes and Pyr[]pes ТТ]-[e m[]sТТ ТТ[][] mu[]-[, even

oh gosh, i get how that is. good luckkkk!

what’s wrong?

What is this country and why are all the coolest Lalondes from it.

You can use the funds for the wheelchair you'll soon be requiring.

You will rue this war, Strider.

I will regain my wallets worth through theft. Expect complaints shortly.

ewwwugh, don't call me harley again, haha! but you're right, it's a good idea!

This is cosmic retribution. #Horror #Frightening

This is harassment. Where are the moderators?

Stop that.

at least it's mutual. could not be this way but i know that's hard for dave's.

Seeking: Fatherly figure with an expertise in lacing cocaine with cyanide. If interested, I will forward the alleyway @dStrider is hiding in. #cw-substances #cw-murder #cw-DeathThreats

jokes on you dude joanns closed down

We've discussed this. There isn't a murderer alive that can free you from my wrath.

Don't ruin this for me.

I CAN'T PARTICIPATE IN #TITTYTUESDAY. MY TITTIES ARE GONE. LOST 'EM IN THE GREAT WAR.

yEr lIkE OnE ToO TaLk mOtHeRfUcKeR.

oh are we talking about our alternate selves? i dont think i should speak on this one actually hard pass not opening that can of uncomfortable worms
Some days I really just hate the other guy. Like stop looking back at me with those eyes that I know are just looking through me. Stop looking at me with my face like you know everything. Your a smug asshole because I let you be, I know, but fucking stop.

kids? man, am i that young looking? hehe.

Please delete this, D. We're worried for you.

STRIDER!

That is not what I meant and you know it!!

I'm not getting a minion flag. Unfortunately underlings are hard to come by where I am, but I'll certainly take applications.

Perhaps I should change my flag from toothpaste to Uranic.. #pondering

One of my employees noticed I was down and brought donuts.. perhaps I'm too harsh. These are my loyal friends!

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE A MATCHING PROFILE PICTURE WITH MY LOVER THAT ISN'T HERE. IT HURTS TO GET RID OF IT, THOUGH.

>> there's a lack of gilfs and dilfs in my dms. #nsfw

>> are we yearning on the timeline? i miss the smell of his cigars and the way he smells like gunpowder. or i could say i miss the smell of cake, or his shaving cream. take your pick. i got too many bitches on my plate to decide. #yearning

dude vwho the fuck is you vwhat is you on about

WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT

WHY AM I BEING INCLUDED IN THE PITY REACTS I AINT AN AMPORA I'M A VANTAS.
Amount of* clearly it really got me.
Can an emotionally starved guy not get a little excited about the smallest amount positive attention.
I am so cheesed right now.

GEEEEETT THAT FUCKASS RHOMBUS OFF MY GODDAMN POST. I AM NOT PITYABLE LIKE THE AMPORAS, I AM TOO ADORABLE TO BE PITIED.

vwoe is me.
What are we without whimsy?
did you just tag fun?

takes a lot to survive on alternia man

cmon dude. dont be like that tell me what im up against here what horrors await me

Rainy day...

cant be worse than tumblr ig

DAWG ITS STILL A PUPPET...

NOOOO PUPPET DEATH??? :(

Thats not what I meant!!

The nights are the hardest.

Scrolled so far I reached an hour ago on the dash. I want to get back to work..
Leave me at least one bullet. That should just about tide me over to the afterlife i reckon.
Boy dinners starting to look a little dire gents. #substance #gun
i paused my vibrating cock ring to be here #nsfw

Fuck, today is gonna be tough. Good luck everyone.

3833 < *cc appears on your timeline and steals your wallet*
Not everyone has yet to become EXCITED for the inevitable. Chicken wings are blunt reminders.

You're smart enough to figure this out. You can do it.

ruff! :)

▲theyre just so easy, i swear i dont even try anymore▼
dwaniee, huh....
hot.

▲few of them need to be spayed neutered too▼

honestly people are too nice to me i should be treated like a feral dog

no, do you think i'd be a good fit?

human rights are overrated :)

My daughter blocked my alternate account again. Which only proves how effective my internet safety training is. #ParentingHacks #AlwaysObserve

Growl.

I'm talking about @yourName I could not miss you less.
Ohhh the anonymity. It's on purpose. I have my reasons for being anonymous. But many don't seem to mind! I'm actually quite nice in person!

Yes, Strider?

I will take the bone.

₍ᐢᐢ₎★ how the fuck did you get her ashes? #thatwomanwasatreasure #missthegoldengirls #thatshowwasfunnyasf #whatsthestartingbidoftheashesoutofmorbidcuriosity

₍ᐢᐢ₎★ Damn I didn't know she gambled like that I gotta respect the game #weloveyoubetty #IwouldaskaboutthebetbutIgetthefeelingyourenotgonnatellme #keepyoursecretsdrugstrider

wym the fake wizard beard & hat aint doin nothin 4 u sexually?? #nsfw

well can you at least consider it, o great film director?? :(
Depends. F1nd the r1ght sorta freak and he'll let you call h1m all sorts of nonsense.

or anybody!!! that sounds really diminutive..

so many of them get on my nerves.

nothing is interesting. some things are slightly annoying.

i've seen like a clip of it. is it seriously just that for the whole film? if you so are so right with this comment.

what the fuck is a bee movie?

In and 0ut is real?

Maybe I should get out of my house and visit someone, beats laying around smoking a cigarette while either working on Bro bot 2.0 or playing some roguelike game. #Substance

Hey I'm just keeping it real.

Who the hell bullies someone over a tuna sandwich, they would have to be a very shallow person.

Hey man, don't diss the tuna sandwich, I make a mean sandwich.
shouldmt h>ve evern smoked th>t shit now i w>mnt him b>ck >'[

and you aren't business minded.

he's GOT to be pushing fifty. acting like some p.s.a drug dealer. a little shame is good dave.

Anyone that mattered*.

They provide guidance that the youth surely need. You're doing a disservice by denying communion. When have I ever led anyone astray?

What about an unreliable colleague?

Laced or unlaced?

No need, I have pain killers just, they take a minute to fully kick in.

God, I hate headaches.

On an unrelated note, thank you to the kind gentleman that paid my library fee. Your generosity will not be forgotten.

A shame that this has to be spoon-fed to the general populace...but refrain from trusting the government. If you need to ask why, seek out the Truth.

Spit them out.

I'm never gonna be enough for anyone. That's all.

I'm such a fucking joke. I'm sorry.

Bro these people can't read half the time

Everyone Knows Chittr Is Flat.

I'd win.

Feeling cute, might go experience ego death.

₍ᐢᐢ₎★ Damn I didnt know they doorfash that now #imisscocainelowkey #uppersweremoremything #substance #richpeoplealwayshadthepurestuff

Hating my Chitts doesn't make them any less true.

I WILL THROW YOU.

The difference is that this will require your manual labor rather than using my corpse to adorn my resting place.

OH FUCK OFF

Tried to warn you

Don't worry about it.

It's been 30 minutes and he's already driven me insane.

Yet??

I know I'm not your version because my version of you is dead, like I said in the post. You are, in fact, the alt in question. I'll accept the food though, there better be an egg roll on there.

There is something so horrifically surreal your dead brother's alts being as weird as he was. Like yeah I miss you please come home but good gods you need to shut up sometimes. Obviously this is not one of the many traits I got from him, I know when to shut up.

What did you just call me?

good mornin

Please never call yourself that again.

My apologies, I was worried you'd attempt erotic asphyxiation but clearly my fears of a spectacular death are for naught. #cw-death #cw-gore

꒦꒷ My life has considerably improved since i blocked that guy thank you florid for the idea best decision ive ever taken

This assassination is becoming excessively personal. Are you going to be striking the final blow?

She denies this. She prefers lilies and will have that etched onto her bone. When she burns, you will see her final wishes along with your sins.

You would uses my ashes to grow roses? You truly are a villain. Only a monster would have such clichéd tastes.

They may slaughter me, but my Archival account will remain. Hands remain held, forbidden kisses will continue.

I won't delete my fanfiction. Its protected work.














