Bro Strider
@terribleTutelary
To the tune of Good King Wenceslas Good king pencils last looked out, On the feast of staples. Pens and inks lay round about, Desks like work tables; Brightly shone the lamps that night, Printing things for school, When a poor man came in sight, Bought a Samsung Galaxy 2.
To the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas We wish you a Staples Christmas, We wish you a Staples Christmas, We wish you a Staples Christmas, also, they should sell beer. How cool would that be, if Staples sold beer? Just loose ones in a big fridge. I could drink while I shopped. There should be beer at Staples, There should be beer at Staples, There should be beer at Staples 'cause I don't like my kids. Holidays are hard, 'cause my kids are so weird. Staples would be better if I could just have one beer. The kids only want printer ink, The kids only want printer ink, The kids only want printer ink and I'm not so sure why. Oh, give me a beer, to forget how life is. I married a weird woman and the kids turned out strange. They don't like stuff like Hot Wheels, They don't like stuff like Hot Wheels, They don't like stuff like Hot Wheels so it's another Staples Christmas.
yeah i really don't know what to make of this one chief the other one was funnier
To the tune of O Christmas Tree New pencil case, new pencil case, You're full of pencils and paper. New pencil case, New pencil case, You're full of pencils and paper. It's got a print, that's really cool! I cannot wait, for back to school. New pencil case, new pencil case. You're full of pencils and paper.
#substance #meditation Close your eyes. Count to three. Breathe deeply. Garlic is stuck under your fingernails. Your work shoes are kicked off under the pedals of the car, seat back, Daft Punk's “Discovery” is playing. In the passenger seat sits a man named Ben, with a lazy eye. He’s rolling another joint. A third guy, Kayvon, is in the back seat playing on your Nintendo DS. You're in the parking lot of a Pizza Hut. Your shift ended two hours ago and you're as high as you've ever been. Illuminated by the blue light of your radio, Ben finishes and hands his creation to you. He's muttering something about the girl he just broke up with. Kayvon just dropped out of college. And you? You're sitting in your car. A car that has been in this parking space for three weeks because it won't start. Transmission is seized, or, something. In twenty years, you'll be divorced with a ten year old daughter. Kayvon will be living at home with his mother. Ben will be dead from a Burnout 3 style chain-reaction-car-explosion. Ben looks at you as you take the joint from him. You've been talking for hours, but you can't remember anything you've said. And then he pauses and says: “Hey. What if there was a clothes store that was *this*?” You ask him what he means but he doesn't respond. The car goes quiet. It starts to rain. Welcome to Zumiez.
Thought about puppets and my dick got so hard I could barely think. #nsfw
Close your eyes. Count to three. Breathe deeply. Witches cannot pass over running water. You remember this now, looking at the waterfall that flows down. Past the staircase starting at the pellet grills. Past the propane grills. Past the high end coolers and Thermoses. And down the plaster rocks into the pond below, pooling next to the bamboo forest of fishing poles. The fish in the pond stare at them blithely - the tools of their execution. It's just fish, anyway. Witches could not pass this. If there was a witch buying a grill, she couldn't get a fishing rod. Rivers and running water have always been seen as a barrier against evil things. Why do you think that is? Rivers are powerful, and eternal. No dam on Earth can stop one forever. Sometimes, in calamity, they change course. They destroy. And they carve for themselves a cold narrow groove across this Earth. Grasses springing from the old River bed, freshly fallen trees rotting to feed the banks of the new one. And so with the course of the river, so goes the course of purity that wards against evil. Around the gun counter, a crowd of men gather: huddled, muttering, simian. Downstairs across the river, a fudge shoppe. The lady at the counter told you when you got it home to microwave the fudge. “Try putting it on a graham cracker.” You joked and said, “I'm not sure it's gonna make it home.” She laughed. Maybe. More than anything. The sound is holy. The sound of the river. You hear the waterfall behind you. A fake river, on fake stone. Past stuffed deer and pictures of the Ozarks three-thousand miles away. A river like this might not protect you from anything. But rivers can always change course. Welcome to Bass Pro Shops.
Jack Link's® Duos. Two flavours in One bag. You can feed your hot side with buffalo style dried, smoked & seasoned cuts of chicken. Or perhaps your chill side with Ranched dried and season cuts of chicken.
I think being drawn and quartered would feel really nice for like a second at least.
\ https://en.w1k1ped1a.0rg/w1k1/Er0t1c_asphyx1at10n /
Looking for a fresh face for one of my new Smuppet productions. Apply within. Puppet haters dni. #nsfw
Crazy that Brandon Sanderson named that tineye that.
((I've been talking about Mistborn with my friend for like an hour straight, not paying attention to Chittr. I refresh the dash and this is the first post that came up what da hell))
Happy Tuesday.
#NowPlaying https://i.ibb.co/vCVpkWv6/Screenshot-20260331-225514.png
It's my favorite day of the year because one can do all sorts of heinous shit and get away with it. Might "accidentally" leak my blackmail folder to bring down high ranking officials haha. #AprilFools #Justaprank #FirstOfTheMonth #IDoExpectPayments
Whacked my balls too hard #golfhumour #darkhumour #justajokeliberals
#intox #beer #substances #gaming #tonyhawk #rethawed https://i.ibb.co/FkNv60DG/PXL-20260330-024642190.jpg
oh, dude, there is so much timeline shit going on lmao. XJ gonna have to get used to it!
haha, yeah, you're right. just figured "crabdad" would be weird as hell to open with! 8J
#substance #intox #drinking #beer #alcohol Budweiser.
im stealing the budweiser part of this okay okay
Do not go into the evil scary elevator.
T[][]e scary elevator is perfectly safe! T[][]ere are no [][]azards w[][]atsoever waiting for you inside. :>
Charles Entertainment Cheese will die.
The seven things I hate about you: You're fake, you're gay, you're insecure, You love me, you like her, You make me laugh, you make me cry, I don't know which side to buy, And the seventh thing I hate the most that you do, You make me love you #lyrics #nowplaying
Been rewatching Rick and Morty. #FunniestShitIveEverSeen
Due to a gag order, I am not allowed to mention #selfcest so I won't mention Rick Sanchez #selfcest. So, Rick and Birdperson.
so because of the gag order you cant talk about rick prime bad touching rick c-137 or anything like that at all (tags: Rick Prime/Rick C-137, selfcest, gag order, gags, #nsfw, #selfcest, #nsfwe, #rickcest, archive rating: M)