Cronus Ampora
@aeneasCaldarium
just another highblood looking for lovwe in all the vwrong places ;) 6'0" and single. dms open
yknowv im starting to think that rosie and lil maryam are just fated to get divworced
tell me im wvrong though, wvhatewver teals decided to learn human divworce lawv hawve to be raking it in right nowv
D--> That is likely due to the fact they are a couple across so many realities. Statistically that increases the likehood of them being divorced and considering how passionate their love is leads to deep yearning. For a more personal e%ample very few versions of you have e%perienced divorced because no one in a sane state of mind would ever invest into a long term relationship with you.
she promised me shed let me out of the #contraption after vwe finished our #collab but nowv she and the other timeclones are talking about getting boba tea i dont think im getting outta this one fellas #cagttl #nsfvw #nsfwve #vwiolence #gore #body-horror #torture
May they have mercy on your wretched soull.
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 12: damara megido #pickme #casteplay #killing #violence #substance #wslur #seadwellerfetishism #substances #cheating #nsfw #nsfwe #dubcon #extremelywillingcon #fartoomuchcon #misogyny #abuse #cagttl evweryone vwelcome my vwery special guest @handMaid. shes here to confirm vwhat im saying and add some of her owvn thoughts. this aint gonna be an easy one, so im glad to havwe her perspectivwe (first time anyones said that, huh?). also i gotta note. i did not ask her to come help. but shes in my hivwe and vwont leavwe, and like, normally im cool vwith that, but she and her time clones havwe me in vwhat i can only describe as a contraption. like, its honestly impressivwe, if she vwerent a fuckdoll for the fuckpuppet she could be an engineer #vwomeninstem 「 #SADISM #TORTURE #EXTREME #MURDER.」 since damz is gonna havwe a lot more to say about the fun ones, im gonna start vwith the normies. im talking the damaras that just vwanna smoke vweed and are only vwaguely upset about evwerything and can evwen empathize vwith you about crippling loneliness. 「ALSO KNOWN. AS THE BETA BOTTOM BITCHES. 」scary, i knowv. these can be alright if im in a softer kinda mood, but honestly they freak me out a bit. shell probably be real blase about getting touched up or degraded, almost definitely has a free use kink. you aint gonna get good banter outta her, just a fewv names, maybe shell call you a shrimp dick. nook is nook, but this one usually aint evwen gonna havwe tits, shell be a vwillovwy sorta gal. 「DON’T PUT THAT IN.」meh. in the middle vwe havwe the psycho ex-girlfriends. not yours, necessarily, but this is the levwel theyre at. angry at the vworld, angry at you, and ready to bang about it. definitely has lusus issues, try to emulate the scratch vway. yknowv, condescending, pushy, treating it like its an inevwitability shell do vwhatevwer you ask. bonus points if it actually is, like if theres some strength differential. shes also definitely into being called a gutterblood, gutterskank, gutterslut, call her rustie casually, get her to start calling you some fun shit. highblood, sir, those are the obvwious ones, but if youre a fish? vwell she might go for the vwader shit, vwhich maybe you can get into, but damn, if youre a fish shell call you daddy vwhether you like it or not. just keep vwigilant vwith your gills, she lovwes fishhooking (pun not intended?), and yeah shell nibble on your fins but she might also gnawv em off.「 IT’S CALLED TAGGING. SO ALL OF CHITTR. CAN TELL THAT YOU ARE NEUTERED.」buyer bevware. oh shit, and this applies to all of em, but if you can manage to understand vwhat shes saying, misinterpret it. pick out just a fewv vwords and make those into the meaning. real fun game, selectivwe hearing. nowv in my experience theyll all take it and lovwe it, but damara vwants to mention that they may as vwell be pirates vwith all the pegging they get up to. ill take her vword for it. and. okay yes ill take that too okay okay just stop the contraption. then vwevwe got gals like our damz here. proper nympho sociopaths, just vwhat the doctor ordered! say the vwrong thing and she might kick your ass, say the same exact thing on a different day she might squat dowvn and throwv you peace signs. either vway, shes in control, shes the one vwho can bring out a bunch of time clones to gangbang you vwith. not a bad thing, but keep it in mind if youd prefer certain orifices to remain vwirginal. shes doing more than just the vweed, shell take vwhatevwer you havwe on offer, probably force some vweird thing into you too. if youre the sentimental type, dont evwen bother vwith her, because shes sleeping vwith all your friends vwhile youre vwondering howv to ask her out. and i mean that literally, time shit. armchair dia-cro-sis: the classic good-time gal. she vwants you bad pretty much regardless of all your vwarious attributes. she’s just stoked to find someone vwith a rap sheet half as long as her owvn. okay. shit. my lavwyers *really* dont vwant me talking about this one. so vwere gonna get into it, and vwhat gets redacted gets ████████. so you might meet some █████ ███████, right? been ████ for the █████ █████ ███ but it ██████ ██████ ████ of ████████. but for the █████ ████, right? at least half the time, theyre gonna vwant you ██ ███ ████ ██████ █████ ██████ shit. and █████████ ██ █████ ███ yknowv ███ ██████ ████ ███ ████ vweird. i dont vwanna ██ ████ ██ █ ████ ██ █████ ████ ██ ███ ████. or sometimes ██████ █████ ██████ ████ ████ █████ ███████████ and ill just be like ███ ████ ████ ███ ████ ██. yknowv this is ████ ███████ and more just ██ █████ ██████. i guess vwhat im saying is to degrade them █████ ████ ██ ██████ ██████ █████ ██ ██ ████ ██████ theyll still lovwe it. 「MANY ARE ASKING. ABOUT ALL THE ████████ ████. “IS SHE INTO ████.” I HEAR YOU CRY. IT TAKES AN ████████████ ████ IQ. TO █████ ██ MY ██████ █████████. AND GRIP THAT THICK THRASHING █████████████ NOODLE. BY THE BULGE. LIKE YOU’RE ██. ABOUT TO GET ████████ ███ ██ ███ ██████████████ █████ ███. FOR GILLGRABBING. LIKE ALL OTHER ME-RELATED MATTERS. IT IS A HIGH RISK GAME. A █████ KANKRI MIGHT ████████. AND █████ US BOTH TO █████. BUT A SKILLED PERFORMANCE. MIGHT JUST ████ YOU. THE ULTIMATE RELEASE ██ ██████ █████. AFTER I DE████████ AND ███████ YOU. SHORTLY AFTER SPILLING. SO YOU CANNOT TELL A SOUL OF WHAT YOU SAW. (damara got ahold of the sharpie there that vwas less bad before she touched it up.) CRONUS IS SAYING THE PEOPLE DEMAND A HINT. OK. OPEN A NEW TAB. AND TYPE IN #FUJOSHI. OR #NETORARE. OR #EROGURO. THESE ARE SOME. OF THE INCREDIBLY RARE. USEFUL EXPORTS OF BEFORUS. YOU ARE ENLIGHTENED NOW. YOU CAN TAKE IT FROM HERE.」 rating her and her and her and her and her and her bod: some fun vwariation here. sometimes you get a plank- owv fuck, sometimes you get slimthicc, sometimes you get absolute goddesses. sometimes all at once, the time shit is vweird. add onto just like, her body language, that predator drivwe, especially if you havwe the stones to turn her into prey? GOOD LUCK! HAA HAA! 10/10 vwariety: a surprising amount of vwariety actually, though i attribute that mostly to @handMaid here. vwevwe got eh ones, vwevwe got the kinksters, and vwe havwe the red roomers. add on the time stuff, the casteplay, maybe some miscommunication stuff- yes yes and the contraption. 10/10 ease: yes, but you dont get to choose howv. 11/10 personality: absolutely horrid. shes rotten, rancid, mean, a slut, a bitch, a cheater, kinda objectivwely evwil, and at vworst, boring. vwait no not you i mean the basic bubble bitches please no the contraption 10/10 ovwerall: 10/10. i am not being held under duress.
total vwashboard of a figure. and shes a butterface too.
had me goin until the bloody censorship kicked in wwhat the fuck is that about youvve literally defiled the one section a this shameful display a wwanton #maroonmadness i actually wwant to read @handMaid wwhen wwill you release the megido cut and also the footage of the contraption
you dont vwant that. trust me. i could maybe be convwinced to release her part untouched.
#thecontraption #nsfwv #nsfwve
What the fuck is the contraption and should I be intrigued or scared?
[⚙︎ I am a|so curious about the nature of #thecontraption. ⚙︎]
been busy tonight, but dont wvorry, the next #cagttl is coming up, wvith help from a special guest!
᯽ what is "cagttl"? should i look forward to it? :) ᯽
hmm... actually... i vwonder hovw the felts trollian resources is...
@handmaid dowvn girl, i knowv youre excited for the next part, but 84 notifs is crazy
YOU FINALLY STUMBLE. INTO A LITTLE ATTENTION. FROM A HOT SLUT. WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO. AND YOU MANAGE TO FIND SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. #FUMBLE #NSFW
girl if i fumbled you id turn around and thered be a time clone of you ready and wvaiting to take your place and make fun of you for it
heh evwen they agree wvith me get fucked EDIT: SOURCES DIFFER.
hey, on that note, wvere done wvith the alternian babes for #cagttl ! if theres anything you think i missed vwith the humans and alternians, lemme hear it and i can make an addendum. otherwvise, wvere heading to my hivwe turf baby. remember, follovw the tag #cagttl if you vwanna see more like this and *dont* accidentally block #cagttl or you vwont see more like this. and tag discussion of these wvith #cagttl too for the same reasons. wve dont wvant anyone missing out on the magic!
THANK THE FUCKING ANGEL OF DOUBLE DEATH. NOW THAT YOU HAVE FINISHED. DESCRIBING SPORTS AND THE WEATHER. WE CAN FINALLY PROCEED. TO THE REAL BREAKING NEWS. #TUNINGIN.
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 11: feferi peixes #cheating #nsfvw #nsfvwe #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #cagttl so heres the thing. ewveryone expects an ampora to simp ovwer the peixes and to gush ovwer em and fall cranial case ovwer strutpod and havwe some wvaguely aesthetic sexy situationship, and obvwiously i wvant all that but. i dunno. dont get me wvrong, fef is absolutely gorgeous, but shes just missing that secret sauce for me, that something something. still, i do hawve plenty of experience pulling em so lets get into it. remember roxy? similar deal here. fefs aint so hard to read, but you are gonna find some vwith glassy eyes and shiny lips vwho dont knowv their port from starboard. cant exactly call em airheads, but yknowv. bimbos. not a thought in that pretty lil head. you dont need my help getting wvith her. ask if she vwants a ride to the beach, or tell her that it suddenly became against the lawv for babes to vwear clothes, i dunno. shell believwe anything, she needs bulge bad, and shell evwen pay for dinner afterwvards. fantastic date. novw for the ones that hawve a fevw more marbles bouncing around their noggins, it depends. if she asks you for help wvith eridan, youre in. sit dovwn wvith her, put on a movwie, get cozy, let her yap about howv much she hates her boyfriend, smile and nod and try not to be too obvwious about staring at her tits... then go in for the cull. about howv she deservwes so much better, that the vway you held the door for her and got her a snack makes you a real provwider, that you wvould alvways take good care of her... she might get shy and blushy, but shell be smiling. its a hop skip and a jump to her respiteblock from there. youvwe got the beach episode fefs, the ones that wvanna go for a dip. i mean, theyll all put on a string bikini if you ask, this is more just like... not a vwalley girl and not vwith eridan. she likes to be romanced, be svweet vwith her, be manly, shovw off your muscles, all that good stuff. generally a bit too chipper for my usual mowves to wvork, but that also means shell grin and say tanks if you feel her up or drop some cutesy nicknames like good gill or kittenfish or slut. thats another thing, the fish puns are a good in, but dont owverdo em, and be at least a lil creatiwve. theyvwe all heard fincess before. just remember that shes a girly girl, she wvants a manly man, and youll be set. novw for the ratings bod: nevwer seen a skinny fef. shes packing floatation dewvices and beachballs. she might be the most likely babe, at least outta this lot, to hawve the covweted slimthicc look. the goggles are a lil dumb, but ivwe literally nevwer seen any of em comment on em, so its probably fine. absolute babe. 10/10 vwariety: this is vwhere she loses points for me, fefs can be a lil samey. ewven the wvalley girl babes, and i do lowve a gal vwho says like too much, dont act all too different from the ones vwith pans. and i can only hear about eridan being out on a vwork trip so many times before i start to vwonder just wvhat job is so important they leawve their gal at her ranch home in dreambubbletopia. 6/10 ease: peixes do lovwe an ampora, feferi the most. they wvanna hop me the second they see me. im sure shes just as randy for anyone else, but ill havwe an easier time than you. obvwiously. 10/10 personality: this is a hot take, but just... out of the peixes, she dont compell me. ill get some banter ewvery novw and then, but wvhat am i supposed to do vwith a gill wvhose sole purpose in life is to get coated, inside and out, in wviolet slurry? i cant complain i guess, but i dont think i like gals vwho are so bubbly all the time. 6/10 ovwerall: 7/10. she could be so perfect wvith just a bit of effort. a composite peixes might just be the perfect lay (this is foreshadowving for later). im newver gonna say no of course, but... eh. kinda bores me after all this time.
yeah, man. y0u fucking g0t me. the 0nly reas0n i'm 0bjecting t0 this is because i'm seething and malding and shitting my pants that i'm n0t getting cheated 0n and n0t because 0f all the hein0usly weird pervert shit y0u said.
i should havve knowwn itd come to this i cant believve i naivvely assumed you wwouldnt fondle this loww hangin fruit out a some fabricated sense a kinship wwhat wwould spare me from bein on the end a your pike wwhen the prodigious lifeblood wwhich flowws through my pelagic vveins is the vvery same as yours i recognize noww that you are a ostensibly a ghoul wwithout a trace a civvilization an in a wway i envvy your brutish callousness you are so horrifically indifferent to the plight a others evven your owwn stock that youvve engendered a neww subtype a sociopathy such apathy wwould havve been admirable in an advviserrator someone wwho stands at the frontlines a great carnage unflinchingly eulogized by the flames a wwar but you are not evven a quarter man enough to endure any trial greater than the discomfort a wwarm slime you are a soyboy beta cuck you are the wwyrm i crush under my boot you oily bastard do you seriously think your shithivve pickup artistry is goin to wwork on fef i mean use your pan for a wwhole a twwo seconds instead a typin these degenerate guides wwith a hand dowwn your too small jeans flippin slimin all ovver yourself like some kind a spaghetti creature you best believve if i evver run into you at one a these wwipely shindigs im shovvin the spear side a crosshairs so far up your ass its gonna come out the other end thats a bloody promise
my jeans are of the perfect tightness to showv off my impeccable glutes and just the hint of a lump at the front to tastefully display my wvirility to any potential mates, thank you wvery much. try to learn something from this squirt.
the fat spillin ovver your sides says otherwwise face it youre hovverin at a generous decile 3.5 at best
dude are you ogling my hips? #notgay oh yeah, and check the bulgecurator post on my account somewvhere for my rating, im officially packing, its #canon #nsfvw
that duplicitous hemowwretch is clearly full a shit i dont buy it i rebuke the idea entirely besides size has nothin no i see wwhat youre tryin to do here an im not fallin for it
you gotta face it kid. nice guys like you finish last. iwve embraced being a douche. #niceguysfinishlast
dont you think i knoww that its a fact that wwomen lovve men wwho treat them like shit but fefs different trust me shes literally my ex
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 10: wvriska serket #nsfvw #nsfvwe #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #cagttl lol sorry for not making you part 8. this is about the point wvhere, if youre a highblood, you stop havwing an immediate advwantage. i mean, there might still be something if youre a lovwblood and you wvanna do some rewversal stuff going on, but i dont knowv enough about that to comment. nah, instead vwe gotta get right to this jerk-88 8a8e. shes a lot like terezi. hell, play your cards right, could get a scourge sister threesome going on. but wvhat i mean is that shes usually a bit of a paper tiger. showve her around a bit and shell crumple. she might complain and vwhine the vwhole time but she aint about to stop you. see the big difference here is that wvriskas are desperate. she needs to be wvanted, to be useful, to be appreciated. vriskas are some of the biggest suckers for compliments i knovw. you cant let her actually feel stability though, she needs to be afraid that evwerything shes vworked so hard for might get swvept out from under her feet at any moment. thats howv you svweep her off her feet, bada boom. lay it on thick vwith the backhanded compliments, especially if shes a lil skinnier. for some reason ivwe met a lotta wvriskas embarrassed about her cup size. another big thing, lusus issus. hoo boy, shes gottem out the wvazoo. she thinks shes gotta be wviolent and strong and the one in charge, so you make her feel soft and wveak and dependent on you, the provwider shes newver had. i like to be a lil stern sometimes too, telling her off for cussing, maybe throvwing a fevw spankings in there. they go gaga for that. im not just talking in the body though, its gotta be in the mind. if she can mind control you, uhh... hot, but also good luck, ivwe literally newver had to wvorry about that. the point is, shes using to controlling other people, so you gotta get in her head and rewverse it on her. make her feel like shes got no choice but to think the wvay you vwant her to think. i think wvriskas are probably the biggest losers there are. i mean that in a relativwe sense, like obvwiously there are people vwho start at a lowver baseline, but howv far these serks fall is just incredible. theyll go from saying shed newver be wvith a guy like you to mumbling about howv she vwants to gargle your globes in the space of one conwversation. dont let her evwer start to climb back up after she falls. yoink her glasses maybe, tell her she looks cute wvithout em, so she has to cling onto you to wvalk anyvwhere. make her dress all demeaning, make her act cutesy, just totally humili8 this girl. its like, karmic justice or vwhatevwer, she lowves it. r8ing: bod: wvriskas tend from scrawvny to awverage in my experience. youll sometimes meet the 8im8o bod ones sure, but theyre outliers. she tends to be pretty insecure about her figure wvhich makes up for it. plenty cute, ill take it. 6/10 wvariety: theres a lot you can do wvith wvriska. shes competitivwe, shes ovwerconfident, shes needy, shes desperate, shes a loser, shell go for stupid bets, she might evwen mind screvw some other gals for her if you ask nicely. shout out to the magic card game vwris, vwhat a keeper. 10/10 ease: this is a hard one to rate because shes on both extremes. either its an instant loss 2koma type thing, or she makes each lil wvictory like pulling teeth. im inclined to giwve her the benefit of the doubt here since she makes it fun. 7.9/10 personality: another hard one to rate. like, shes annoying sure, and desperate, and needy, and clingy, but sometimes thats vwhat you vwant in a gal. wvriskas are probably the best around if you actually vwant to "date" someone but dont vwant it to be longterm. set yourself up right so she hangs off your ewvery vword and shell practicallly vworship you. real cute. 7.9/10 ovwerall: okay baby, ill stop edging you. 8/10. if i can tell shes looking to be broken ill alvways go for a tumble wvith a wvriska. wvho doesnt lowve a classic fall from grace? plus, since shes like a bad person or something it means i dont havwe to wvorry about being sexist or misogynistic or vwhatevwer, no one cares if you act like that tovwards someone they dont like. vwhat a lady, huh?
THIS IS MASTERFUL WORK. HOWEVER, I AM GONNA HAVE TO KILL YOU FOR BEING COMPETITION.
♏ You are compelled to get the nearest shavers, electronic or scissors I do not care! And shave your hair until it's 8ald, eye8rows too. ♏ (( #mindcontrol ))
and here, see @lonepetal ahem. babe, clearly you didnt read this thing. i pretty explicitly said that the ol serk mindfuckery dont vwork on me. lil too cool, lil too experienced. evwen if it did vwork on me, something something no line of sight. sorry toots, thats gonna be a nuh uh from me
oh shit, i gotta get this out before it stops being 8 o clock, huh
wvith all this scratch wvhatevwer bullshit and kidnappings and wvhatevwer else is going on, i alwvays hawve my perfect strat to fall back on: the nuh uh. its howv im still aliwve despite the clamoring horde vwith pitchforks and torches. wvell, "aliwve," but you get me
nah, it aint that kinda trick. magic is fake as hell anywvays
wvell, you gotta havwe a certain sense of confidence and commitment to it. you say "nuh uh," but keep replying to em? it vwont vwork. but say, someone vwants to come beat the shit outta me and i run vwhile saying "nuh uh!" real firm-like? yeah, ill get off scot-free evwery time.
᯽ i see. i have never had anyone want to beat me up, so i would not know. i am glad to know that it works for you. :) ᯽
eh, just an example. trust me, this is an important skill to learn
gavwe up that gimmick quick huh? https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/437e23d542ae.png
vwhat fic? evwerything i wvrite is true and beautiful
(^･ω･^) < YOU HAVE NICE WRITING SKILLS, BUT IT IS AT BEST GLORIFIED FANFICTION!!! BUT THE BETTER YOU GET AT IT THE EASIER IT WILL BECOME TO ACTUALLY PICK UP TROLLS AND HUMANS IN QUADRANTS!!! #FANFICTION #SHIPCOURSE #GOODWRITING!!!
kitty cat... fewv things wvrong, firstly i aint looking for quads, your main man isnt about to be tied dovwn like that, i just wvant something simple, no strings attached, no drama. second... iwve bagged rezis like this, sorry to say. notice hovw none of em are denying vwhat im saying here. #nsfvw
(^･ω･^) < I MEANT ALL OF IT NOT JUST THIS RECENT POST!!! IF YOU SAY SO, I AM NOT HERE TO ARGUE ONLY TO ENCOURAGE SHIPPING AND FANFICS... WHATEVER IS GOING ON WITH YOU AND OTHER TROLLS IN YOUR 'OPEN' QUADS DEPARTMENT ARE HAVING FUN I WILL NOT COUNTER IT!!! #NSFW #SHIPPING #FANFIC #NODRAMAHEREJUSTCONFUSION
(^･ω･^) < THAT WAS TWO HOURS AGO JR WHAT DO YOU MEAN HMMM!!! #TIME #CONFUSED
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 9: terezi pyrope #musk #nsfwv #nsfwve #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #cagttl this gal is the reason the color teal givwes me a boner. a good terezi is one of the best vways a fella can spend a day, just ask lil makara. the #pyrump is it real and damn does she enjoy getting it spanked. if i see a rezi ill usually open up wvith a good slap to the ass, i alwvays get good reactions. if not that, at least take advwantage of her being blind to get a good look. like, i think she has some kinda superpowver or anything, that or half of em kinda forget theyre blind, but may as wvell try to get awvay vwith it. so vwhats her deal? paper tiger. terezis lowve to fight and they lovwe to lose. theyll talk a big game, but lay on the right compliments, the right insults, and shell be svweating. put a hand on her shoulder, her hip, maybe shell try to push you off, but dont let her. the thing about games is that they havwe rules, right? follovw the rules up until itll only take one good rule break to get you the vwin. after that, the wvorld is your oyster. or, wvell, terezi is your toy. trunkbeast in the room, terezis fuckin lowve to smell and lick stuff. ewven if she wverent blind im sure she vwould, but they say havwing one scent gone makes the other stronger. wvalk up wvith a good musk going and she might just go right into heat. tell her theyre your pheromones or something, tell her that she doesnt havwe a chance of fighting em off. shell probably still try, but vwhat youre doing here is essentially giwving her permission to lose, to givwe in. shes got a lotta pride, it might mess vwith her self-image to just giwve up of her owvn accord. offload that responsibility onto something she "cant control" and shelll givwe you a big ol dopey smile as she vwraps her arms around you and says she lowves you. nowv ewven if she aint into the vwhole scentplay biz, shell definitely be an oral addict. she can do some freaky ass things vwith that tongue. if youwve got a terezi vwhos being a bit of a brat, put her on her knees and showve her face up against the crotch of your pants and shell start babbling. get her to giwve you a proper taste and shell be hooked. you gotta get her owverstimulated enough her pan shorts out, she thinks too damn much. special shoutout to the maid cafe rezi by the wvay, real svweetheart. dont try anything though, shes my gal for novw. guess that reminds me, shes sorta the "tomboy" of the alternian trolls, for wvhatewver that means. makes it a lotta fun to dress her up all cute, shell usually get embarrassed about it. shes a smart gal and used to analyzing ewverything, you need to get her to the state wvhere shes thinking wvith her emotions, thats vwhere youll get vwhat you wvant outta her. and dont expect her to start behawving after just one good night either, theyre pretty good at playing into roles wvhen they vwanna, but then theyll laugh it off the next night. infuriating, but wve all play hard to get for a reason. the ratings: bod: i really dont knowv vwhere the #pyrump thing started, but it holds true. like yeah, vwe hawve the occasional toothpick, but otherwvise its fat asses as far as the eye can see, and i can see pretty damn far. from there its usually either pear shaped, or ovwerall short and chubby. slimthicc is uncommon here, but not unheard of. 9/10 wvariety: you can play all sorts of games wvith terezis. sure theres the musk stuff, the pheromones game, but theres regular dominance, picking at her relationship vwith her friends, taking adwvantage of her blindness, dress-up, you can do all sorts wvith this kinky broad. 10/10 ease: she wvants it but also vwants you to wvork for it. push hard enough and shell crumble, but you do gotta push. 7.5/10 personality: this is gonna be controwversial i think, but i lovwe her. shes obnoxious as hell and has an annoying vwoice, but it just makes her that much more fun to shut up. shes also the highest you can get and still feasibly say you havwe a highblood fetish, so thats fun to vwork vwith. she might make fun of you the vwhole time, but terezis are entertaining as hell 10/10 ovwerall: 9/10. vwhat a wvoman. loads of approaches, loads of awvenues, loads of potential. she cant evwen wvhine because shes a seer, she knovws vwhats coming wvhen i roll up. if any terezis wvanna hear some more in depth stuff, hit up my dms, yeah?~
...1 KNOW 1T'S 4 D3L4Y3D R3PLY BUT 1 H4T3 TH4T YOU'R3 CORR3CT 4BOUT TH3 S33R P4RT.
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 8: kanaya maryam #cheating #nsfwv #nsfwve #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #cagttl so heres the thing about this part of the guide. rosie is a lesbian a lot of the time, right? and shes dating kanny a lot of the time. but the thing is, she aint alwvays. youll find plenty of the blondies vwho are just doing their ovwn thing, yknovw? but kanayas, like... nine times outta ten, theres a rose in the picture. i think theyre a cute couple and all, id lovwe to vwatch, but its wveird howv kannys alwvays an accessory to her. but okay. so vwere talking the kanayas that aint gay, okay? so dont cancel me. i mean, some of em are bicurious, or like, play up their attractions to make the vwhole thing more taboo, and thats gonna be the end of that conwversation. hovw do you pick up this fine gal? wvell for starters, feel free to get touchy. kanayas are the most likely, in my experience, to pull the "ignore him and hope he goes awvay" movwe for like. anything. saying horrid stuff, feeling her up, shell be your toy, its adorable. its vwery likely shell bring up rose, dont vworry about it, if she wvas really bothered shed slap you or something. nowv, kanaya is a classy lady, and her issues aint as easy to poke at as the rest of these gals. or at least, they aint as obwvious? newver seen a kanaya vwith lusus issues, least, not the kind that wve can use. mostly shes lonely and a bit insecure in her relationships. vwhat ivwe found wvorks is buttering her up, complimenting her outfits, she puts a lotta vwork in those, maybe asking her to make you something (ask to get your measurements!). make fun of her crumbling relationship vwith rose if you get the vwibe thats a thing. theres nothing wvrong wvith being a rebound, or ewven a sidepiece! all else fails, get her to touch you, especially if you can get a hand betwveen your legs. a lotta them are closet bulge addicts, some of them only learned that vwhen i taught them. absolutely ravwenous. this is less advwice and more a story, but i gotta givwe a shout out to this one rosie i used to hang wvith. you vwant a kanaya? get vwith a freak rose like this. she wvould outright goad me into messing vwith her kanaya, there wvas some long-distance shit going on, i dunno, but like... i dont ewven knowv if they ewver discussed the arrangement, but kannny lovwed it, rosie lowved hearing about it, and i lovwed texting the blondie vwhile kanny wvas taking care of me. nowv for the ratings bod: alwvays busty, alvways curwvy, its a jade thing i guess. got the elegant look going on too. not exactly her body, but one thing i lovwe about kanayas is her fashion sense. get creatiwve wvith her! if youvwe got one squirming under your touch, ask her to go put on something pretty. chances are, if you can imagine it, itll be in her closet. im bad at that kinda thing but its a damn good time. they all got real pretty lingerie on too, nevwer seen one vwithout something nice and frilly. she takes after porrim in all the best wvays. 10/10 vwariety: hmm... shes usually got the cool and collected thing going on, but the specifics of her relationships differ a lot. i guess thats the thing though, dunno if ivwe ewver met one that wvasnt dating a rose, its wveird. though, maybe thats partially my fault. i guess she can be a lil samey, but wvith a bod like that i can forgivwe her. 6/10 ease: kanayas usually take some doing. evwen if youvwe got her in the palm of your hand she might still make a fuss. its cute and all, but it takes effort to get her to properly put out. 5/10 personality: shes like a fine wvine, an acquired taste. mature, wvilling to banter a bit. i like her wvhen shes not boring. 7/10 owverall: 8/10. newver gonna be upset about finding a maryam. it takes a lil bit of doing to figure out if shell go for you, but if she aint a lesbian shell be a total slut. hot, ready, raring to go, only knock against her is it can be a lotta effort for something youwve seen a million times.
This one is going to do numbers, unfortunately.
Widthwise It Is Then And Thankfully For You You Wont Need To Worry About Laundering Another Pair Of Those Dreadfully Pegged Acid Light Wash Jeans Following This Procedure
I Make A Concerted Effort To Avoid Thinking About How Youd Look In Anything Actually
uh huh, anyvways focus on cutting your estate in half first babes, then wve can talk
I take back what I said on the Roxy post. This is your worst post. You're such scum that any effort I would put into prose against you would be a waste knowing you are incapable of feeling remorse or shame.
#sinday huh..? fitting... #vwatchthisspace
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 7: nepeta leijon #nsfvw #nsfwve #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #petplay #cagttl okay. yes shes a catgirl. yes you can call her kitten and giwve her scritches and shell lovwe it. yes, she looks adorable in a collar wvith a little bell on it. the thing is, that aint special. its true for ewvery gal vworth pursuing. the difference here is that its socially acceptable to lay on the cat nicknames wvithout any build-up on a nepeta, and that shes going in expecting it. she doesnt vwin any points from it for me, at least vwith harley the puppy thing wvas kinda unique to her. but okay, nepeta. the thing wvith nepetas to wvatch out for is innocence. theyll either be the most innocent lil kittens youwve ewver met, or absolute pervwerts. purrwverts, if you vwill. i mean absolutely degenerate. just look at the leijons wve hawve on the dash and youll get wvhat i mean. the innocent ones honestly kinda skeewve me out sometimes, and i can only pull the "yeah its totally a sign of politeness to take off your top vwhen you wvisit a highblood" game before it gets old. the purrwverts are also a bit much for me, since i dont lovwe the scratching, but ill put up vwith it to bag a girl in heat. for actual advwice, just keep a firm but playful tone. youre wvilling to play in her space, but youre clearly the guy in charge. flexible but solid, if youre too rigid something is gonna giwve. scout for vwhat shes aiming for. does she wvanna be "taught" vwhat pailing is? does she wvanna fill out her ovwn shipping chart? does she vwanna cheat on her boyfriend? ivwe met a surprising amount of neps vwholl start saying, "nyo myaster, wvhat if karkitty finds meowvt..~" wvhen iwve already playing wvith her kitty. i forgot to mention it on the roxy guide, but nepetas are second only to roxys- vwell, lets call it the lalondes in general, vwhen it comes to hawving it bad for cheating. if that gets you going throwv her a bone, or a laser pointer i guess, talk dovwn to her about howv terrible she is and hovw ashamed she should be, thatll get her mewvling. like most other girls, vwhat a nepeta wvants at the end of the night is attention. she wvants to feel relewvant. no matter vwhich sort of nep she is, she vwants to feel mature. it shouldnt be a surprise that that same strats wvork on so many babes. stand in for her moirail here, make her feel like hanging vwith you is the coolest thing she could be doing. shell usually say she vwas told not to talk to you (she does to me anywvays) but laugh it off, ask her wvhy she wvas told that, tell her shes too smart to need to listen to that stuff. then, shovw her just vwhy ewveryones been telling her that. shovw, dont tell, she vwont realize vwhat it is. i promise you shell lovwe it though. then you just put a collar on her, and youvwe got yourself a loyal pet wvho lovwes cuddling. the rewvmewv. like revwievw, but cat, get it? bod: ehh. these gals tend scrawvny to toned. sometimes youll see some wvholl open up their jackets and drop some real big fat cat tats, but shes usually rocking the itty bitty kitty titties. usually shorter too, its just not my thing, i like my gals to havwe something to hold onto. shes flexible at least, and has a cute face. 4/10 variety: you seen the tvwo, youwve seen em all. its either total cluelessness or radical ovwercompensation in the other direction. the adultery thing is fun occasionally, but i get enough petplay from the other babes. dont tend to lovwe her banter either. 5/10 ease: easy enough youll almost feel bad. the hard part is finding a wvay to slovw her dowvn, go too fast and shell start vwigging out or biting too hard or get clingy. not a bad problem to havwe though. 9/10 personality: dunno if ivwe ewver met one wvho wvowved me through personality alone. like, yeah shes cute, but i just dont see the point in breaking a girl dowvn if she aint already clevwer to begin vwith. theres such a thing as too cute. 5/10 owverall: 6/10. i cant exactly rate any gal lovw, sex is sex and its gonna be a fun time. neps aint bad, they just aint really my thing, make me uncomfortable sometime. plus, youwve got the evwerlooming threat of a zahhak knocking dovwn your door. tread vwith caution, but... ill giwve her that theres nothing quite like a gal dressed like a neet #bouncingonit vwhile mewving, shes got the cutest sounds
yeah its kinda fucked, but i see wvay more of em. you might enjoy the next part though, if only because of the hoops im gonna havwe to jump through
D--> Your door will be the least valuable thing I will break when I get my hands on you Ampora.
D--> No. But I think there are things valuable to you. And those I will shatter.
D--> No. For goodness sake how are you denser thaan I am, it is because you are objectifying her, if there was some way of defiling the ultimate self you would be the first to figure it out Cronus Ampora. All the other insults you included are still marks against you but they pale in comparison to your e%ceptional ability to degrade the woman you have met and interacted with.
wvait, thats kinda hot actually. getting dowvn vwith a babe so hard that ewvery other wversion of her out there feels it... i shoulda been a heart player. you gotta sick pan zahhak, you knovw that? #nsfwv
D--> I don't think I have said this to anyone else but I will find a way to double kill you. I do not mean this in a pitch way, nor in a platonic way, I Mean it in a visceral almost innate sense that I need to see you die. #violence
actually yknowv vwhat, i did do that to one nep novw that i think about it, it vwas this wveird ego death kinda sitch. dont vworry, she wvas fine, it vwas just convwoluted. #nsfwv
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 6: alternian vwantas #notgay #nsfwv #nsfvwe #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #casteplay #hemoism #cagttl hear me out. infinite timelines infinite possibilities. and in many of them karkat is a hot babe. there are a lotta iterations, im gonna default to using the name kat, because thats the cutest nickname for her. this is *not* about dudekats, okay? this is about bbwv cutie mutie tsunderes. thats vwhat vwere here for, okay? this is some rule 63 shit. is that problematic to say? ehh wvhatewver. vwere gonna talk about hovw to get into the swveatpants of a girlkat. first order of business: if she aint at least curwvy, back off, iwve newver seen a skinny kat vwhos up for anything. youre looking a girl wvith meat on her bones. chubby cheeks too, preferably constantly blushing wvhenewver you say anything to her. if she starts on a super long and gross rant before you ewven start touching her up then shes probably a lost cause. vwhat wvere looking for is the sorta vwindbag wvholl say a lotta nothing and get herself vworked up, but doesnt actually argue vwith anything you say. she might evwen be outright flattered but tell you to piss off anyvways. dont let up. kats are usually pretty receptiwve to the wvombo combo of feeling em up vwhile wvhispering all sorts of swveet nothings in her ear at the same time. makes em melt. on that note, some of the adwvice here is similar for vwhat i said for aradia. kats a mutie, bright red blood, spoiler vwarning, sorry. makes her the perfect sub for some casteplay. pretty much all of em are secretly into it, sometimes so secretly evwen they dont knowv about it. say enough about like, their bodys real purpose, or hovw theyre meant to serwve highbloods, or vwhatevwer other shit pops into your pan, and shell be all yours. this gal is total cullbait, in the beforan sense, obwviously. shes wvound all nice and tight, she just wvants to be taken care of. i dont wvanna giwve eridans too much credit, but you see that one pic of a kar and eridan floating around, the proud grub raisers? yeah, thats basically any girlkats vwet dream. shovw her you can giwve that to her. okay, but vwhats your in? wvell, theyll tolerate more than youd expect, because they cravwe material to insult you ovwer. be unashamed, be seedy, let her get comfortable. she already assumes youre a loser, dont dissuade her of that until its too late. no one really listens to her yap, so you gotta pretend to listen. maybe giwve her an honest compliment about hovw clewver she is, as honest as you can manage anywvays, that alvways kills. she knovws her team doesnt respect her. be the slightly older masculine figure that showvs her respect, and listens to her, and thinks shes so cool, and oop youvwe got your hands up her svweater and shes ready to say please. [my legal team redacted parts of the next para, im vworking on rectifying this wvith em] novw uhh, this last bit, dunno if i can ewven say it. like, legally speaking. just... karkats tend to havwe some █████ ████████████ vwith ██████. you can use that. this comes up like, a lot vwith karkats. its the ████ ████ as the █████ █████, shovw her ████ ███ ██████ ████ ███ ██████. shes ███████ █████ ███████ ████, make her ███ ██ ███. shes ███████ ██ ███ ████, make her feel good, make her ██████████ ███ ██████ █████. shell be so much happier ██ ███ ███████ ████ ████ █ ████, ██ ███ ███████ ████ shes your girl. a collar goes wvell vwith any girl, ███ ████ ████ ██████████. ███ ███ ██ ███ shell be in lovwe wvith you forevwer. cutie mutie ratings bod: the good ones are alwvays chubby. not alvways my thing, but damn she makes it vwork. they dress frumpy too but again, she makes it wvork. a kat in leggings alvways gets me. 8/10 vwvwariety: as much as i enjoy her, youll go owver the same beats again and again. theyre fun beats, but like... i dunno, if more of em could yap this wvould be higher. 7/10 ease: holy shit for all her posturing shes the most sensitivwe troll there is. one touch and shell wvanna fall to her knees. 10/10 personality: get some earplugs. absolutely adorable, and i lowve breaking dovwn the angry types into blushing ingenues, but it can still be a bit much. 7/10 owverall: 8/10. for all my nitpicks, vwhat i am really complaining about? girlkats a busty mutant vwith a fat ass and loads of hemospectrum related issues that you can svwoop in to exploit. alwvays a rare treat.
D--> How would you know that considering the last time you've communicated with any of the alternates mentioned in your guides was most likely a note written in cursive scrawnier than your ability to enunciate the word "consent" e%plaining how you had to bail because you're allergic to commitment and bulging with deceit.
thats it @aradiaGrok computer disseminate his shame globes turn them into particulates then scatter them across the cosmos
r0ger that! say g00dbye t0 y0ur slurrysack cr0nus!
YOU KNOWING WHAT THE WORD TSUNDERE MEANS EITHER TELLS ME THAT YOU WATCH ANIME OR ARE A POSER!!!!!
okay so vwe can all be #wvoke about this next one right?
If it's not about me II don't care.
i dont knowv you, ivwe newver met you. you vwanna page, hmu babe ;) #suggestiwve
i skipped the masquerade to vwork on this #vwatchthisspace
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ If you were on Masquerade premises I would've personally kicked you in the dick. #nsfw ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ This ain't even a promise. This is a vow I'm taking. ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ There are no set of words put into any form of any language that would acutely describe the worthlessness of your life. ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ I'm going to send my coven after you. In gold veiled cloaks. They're going to do things to you. ]
at some point this becomes an art form. no idea if youve reached that point or not. its a disgusting art form but god.