♦ pitied by @azureAutonomy
i think if i hadn’t literally created the universe, i would probably get fired from this clown gig after today. who hires a birthday clown for an office birthday party??? all those serious businessmen with their suits and their pipes kinda reminded me of my dad… i may have shed a tear or two. turns out you are not supposed to cry while juggling bats, it really fucks up your flow. i might have broken a window.
ᕙ(•̀‸•́‶)ᕗ < How did I miss the low-hanging ab-dorsal-ble.... (。•́︿•̀。)

WHY DOES MY SECOND HOUSE SUDDENLY SMELL OF PISS.

I need to hit on more women
cant stand up without fainting today. whats a guy gotta do to be functional around here.
imagine if id done that the vvitriol sent my wway for subjectin you indecent rubbishmongers wwould rivval your hate for the spectrum as a wwhole flippin concept not complainin about it wwhat a good dog #vvaguepost #nsfww
god fuck wwhen all else fails go wwith the tried and true

look youre cute and all but my vwork must go on.

Okay I give up.

a mOtHeRfUcKeR WoNdErS SoMeTiMeS WhAt's tHe pOiNt oF WaStInG LiKe pItY On hIm. GuShErS StIlL ToO FuCkInG SoFt )O: dOn't wAnT It gEtTiNg hArD EiThEr. No rEaL FuCkIn mIdDlE GrOuNd tO Be hAd.

i think it'd be fun to live a life where not everything is bad for me ykwim



