Orphaner Dualscar
@cerbericApostle
Newly revived Orphaner of the high Alternian seas. Rank equivalent to a Fleet Admiral for those mongrels unaware of the tiers of noble service. He and Him.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/65b4ab2aa0fc.gif
that wvwas just a joke. i didnt die. im sure no one circulated rumors of that kind. i just took a break from my palmhusk is all.
are you implying i havwe fat fuckin digits or anger issues? they're both true but howvw dare you. i broke it. so wvwhat?
"1f you are truly not 1ll1terate, you can see 1 d1d not accuse you of e1ther, but way to conf1rm 1t for the rest of the onlookers"
We don't hide! We ARE the masks! As a matter of fact,we have the fewest of secrets. - Hamlet.
it wvwas obvwiously in the sub text, you must learn to see past only wvwhat your eyes showvw you. of wvwhat your attendants read you. wvwhichevwer one of them reading this, do a sarcastic face at them.
"“oh 1 see plenty, 1 just need to get some k1nd of amusement out of 1t every so often” “1 regret to 1nform both you and the attendant that the sarcast1c face attempted was weak sh1t and needs 1mprovement"
curse that attendant. make them cowvwer in shame, howvw dare they bring that wvweak shit wvwhen representing the wvwords a the mighty orphaner.
"the attendant apolog1zes” “and unfortunately we can’t get new ones” “and doubly so 1 can’t super make anyone cower, because aga1n, hashtag my wall” “#mywall”"
wvwoke up sore this light. howvw's evweryone else doing? good? wvwho cares. i'm doing great.
you're a lad of fewvw wvwords, arent you? are you preparing for wvwar? i used to lovwe preparing for wvwar.
oh no usually i cant shut up. too pissed to be talky, sorry. ill get over it once i've got this figured out.
sure. hey, i'm not one to balk at unrestrained rage. in fact, it kind of is endearing. i didnt knowvw you had this side of you. if you wvwant to let some of that anger out punching a large pillowvw, i'll gladly hold it up for you and shout motivwational phrases.
i just shattered a bolder on accident. i'm a bit past pillows.
i had fun being silly playing truth or dare. apologies if i'm being short.
did you mean boulder or is that someone's name? anywvways, i applaud the rage. carry on, i say. keep going until you can't see straight.
heh. wvwell that makes twvwo of us. don't you wvworry, i'vwe got thick skin. mayhaps too thick. i'll chat wvwith you another time, if you're open to it.
sorry, i'm being a shit about your typo. can't help myself. i'll removwe myself so i don't wvwind up like those rocks you'vwe been smashing.
we'll see.
boulder* typo.
get your rod firmly in your hands for #fishingfriday, master bait and showvw off your salty spray for the boys.
Hrn.
I will do so with allacrity
࣪⊹₊˚{ AYE AYE AYE AYEEEE CAPTAIN! }*O*{7 }*u*{7 }*O*{7 }*u*{7 }˚₊⊹ ࣪
good wvwork privwate but you'll havwe to report to my dms for further training. vwery rigorous... intense training. perhaps stretching all night long.
࣪⊹₊˚{ ooh la laaaa.... }⟡u⟡{ well consider me actually SOOOO fluking excites to have a job four once }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ IM ON MY WAYYYY }*u*{7 }>u<{7 }*u*{7 }˚₊⊹ ࣪
unfortunately for sentient life, and fortunately for the fish wvwho quivwer in his presence, the dashing and alternate of myself @orphanerdualscar is dowvwn wvwith another gill infection today. or something like that. the point is he's busy. wvwe are important men wvwith important time, not to be wvwasted. this means that is has fallen to my handsome and large shoulders to champion #fishingfriday so wvwhile i wvwill not be hosting an island, i wvwant evweryone to get off your pelvwic sitting basins, put on your wvwading boots and start casting lines. chop cho, cadets and post your catches to #fishingfriday today. i sawvw these beauties belowvw at a human locale- a bait and tackle shop, it is called. i wvwant evwery guppy wvwho sees this post to identify wvwith one of these four stickers and vwote belowvw for wvwhich one you think you are, if you'vwe got the guts to make the fish swvwoon and the wvwomen fear you. you knowvw wvwhat i mean. ♥️ - if i am fishing i am happy ♣️ - wvwtf wvwhere's the fish ♦️ - patience luck and lines all day ♠️ - wvwishing i wvwas fishing https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/dfd3653a0575.jpeg
testimony: morning (if it was a good morning i would be fishing)
dismissed. please stick to the options provwided lest your bait be swvwept awvway by an errant current to the lost dark wvwaters of solitude.
♦️: PATIENCE LṴCK AND LINES THOṴGH POBICO ṴSE HANDS OR MOṴTH SOMETIME. DOES IT STILL COṴNTS?
objection: that wasnt an alternative option (i used the appropriate option reacts!!) i was just saying it because it is true 🌅
#vwiolettime #sharingbeers #orasicallthem #fermentedhumanwvwheatbevwerages
i see evweryone liked my last picture. i suppose i'll just need to post some more in the future. the storm rumbles in the distance. the wvwavwes get bigger and bigger. #suggestivwe
Y⬡u are that st⬡rm, ⬡rphaner. #Appr⬡aching #Pr⬡v⬡king #GayTh⬡ughtsInIs⬡lati⬡n - MC R⬡se🌹
i grabbed a human on the beach and told them to take this picture of me. i'vwe decided to let evweryone online see howvw i'm doing. come by my beach, if you dare. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/831478f94e40.jpeg
ladies, ladies. @gutsygumshoe ajd @cuttlefishcabbalist please. this is unbecoming of twvwo high-ranking, powvwerful female leaders. surely a solution can be had. taking turns, maybe.
... Ew. You are not doing much in the way of avoiding your untimely fate in this matter by creeping on my sister before my very eyes!!!!
sister? wvwhat? you twvwo are a different species. i'm confused. let us go back to convwersations about my bountiful follicles. i havwe some stubble on the side, and at my sideburns. i'm wvwondering wvwhether to trim it.
SAVE YOUR WHORING FOR SOME MALLEABLE HOLE WHO CARES, YOU UNSCRUPULOUS OLD TEMPTOR.
Don't shave it.
࣪⊹₊˚{ hi. it like, took me a few nights to remember how to swim. }.3.{ IM ONNNN MY WAY NOW THOUUUUGH! }⟡_⟡{ }⟡_⟡{ }⟡_⟡{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
࣪⊹₊˚{ IM COMINGGGG! my top speed is 4,444 knots/hour so literally just siiiit tight!!!! okay! okay!!!! }*7*{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
digital servwant. place another order for me for a frozen margarita and put on troll steely dan's reelin in the years. - the orphaner dualscar
A frozen marg sounds yummy!
it's better betwvween twvwo than alone. you like those little paper umbrellas?
Y------ES! 38D I would love to come by for drinks!
wvwhen and wvwhere, lovwely? i am currently on earth-c, i wvwas revwivwed by jane crocker of crockercorp.
T)(AT IS MY B-EST FRI-END!!!! 38D I am on -Eart)( C as well! W)(erever is best for you! Maybe not by a cliff. 38)
oh, alright. that's strange and oddly specific. sure. i like the beach. there is an "alternian" beach here- i hate it. they tried to make it like home. couldn't be further from the truth. i like the human beach. they are small and easily scared awvway from the best spots. wvwear something nice and come see me. dm me for the coordinates.
Okay! Yay! 38)
i wvwonder if, after all this change and all this bluster and the newvw sparkle on my rusted old limbs, if it wvwill evwer bring her back to me. i wvwonder if he wvwould approvwe of this, wvwere he to evwer meet me. i havwe the feeling i wvwill nevwer knowvw. maybe i just havwe to hope.
#pride? yes i havwe a lot of pride. some might say too much, to a degree of sinful fault. i say to them that they havwe no idea wvwhat it is like to step into my boots. i wvwill take this #pridemonth by the horns and bear dowvwn on it wvwith all my might and size until it calls me its master. happy #pridemonth. #suggestivwe
Trully I do not think I have ever heard anyone put it that way. Good Job
evwerybody. i nowvw exist outside the gender binary. i am sailing wvwaters of unknowvwn hue and crashing my galleon through ice bergs of unnamed exploratory philosophies. if you need my servwices, take a right after wvwhat you thought you knewvw and sail past wvwhat you wvwish you had. this is a newvw wvworld. i am a newvw person. the ghosts of my past can speak to the old me, for the newvw me is going to be busy. nowvw pass me some of this gay bacon i havwe been hearing about.
i'm really not a horrible person. if you come to me wvwith hostility, i return the favwor. come to me wvwith something else, i think you'd be surprised.
i havwe devweloped a slight gut in my age. i'm not chasing dowvwn others or getting into bar brawvwls or rigging giant galleons anymore. maybe i need a physical outlet. a hobby. hm. much to ponder on. - the orphaner dualscar
hey https://i.imgur.com/tdprfyf.jpeg
got a number i can text an obnoxious amount of times until youre strangely enamored with my yappy swag
just dm me, if that's wvwhat you're looking for. i'm unfamiliar wvwith this concept of swvwag, but i can tell you that i'm not opposed to letting you exhaust yourself at me until there's no choice but for me to catch you.
i did not expect to make it this far
actually, they do not need to be human. i wvwould wvwager a fewvw trolls i could find could massage my aching, scarred back better than humans can. the last post can allowvw alternians as wvwell. no beforans. no exceptions.
Kind -o-o-f sad that y-o-o-u need t-o-o- get -o-o-n Chittr t-o-o- s-o-o-licit this kinda thing!
it isn't soliciting, but i'm going to pretend that you are blissfully unawvware of about half the depravwed, degenerate, sex peddling posts i see on this wvwebsite on the nightly. you must be blind, or stupid. maybe both? in any case, it's not soliciting so much as it is putting a bottle out in the wvwater and allowvwing it to return wvwith a note. it's honestly the same as making a business inquiry. one day, perhaps you'll understand the intricacies. try to keep up until then.
I suppose it is entirely plausi8le that our sister society, however malefic and twisted as she may 8e, has managed to progress the mediculler's craft 8y signific8nt strides. I somehow dou8t this, however, and feel your intentional discrimin8tion against an entire altern8tive source of aid for that which ails you indic8tes that you are, perhaps, less in need than you portray yourself as!
N-o-o-t blind -o-o-r stupid, simply n-o-o-t l-o-o--o-o-king at the p-o-o-sts I d-o-o-n't want t-o-o- l-o-o--o-o-k at. Y-o-o-ur nasty attitude will get y-o-o-u N-O-O- back rubs!!
alright. i hope you are noting my lack of suffering. maybe my.... sexy indifference? i could strike. a pose, if you need the highlighting.
Y-o-o-u're trying t-o-o--o-o- hard t-o-o- make me care that y-o-o-u d-o-o-n't care. I think this is where we g-o-o- -o-o-ur separate ways, Dualscar! -o-o-
you see, the key lies in the shades of grey. i knowvw you beforans tend to think in black and wvwhite, so i wvwill spell this out simply for one of coddled, pan wvwashed simplicity such as yourself. i am not in need of anything. i do desire, yes, a pair of soft hands rubbing my aching muscles. i do not wvwant them to be of beforan source because evwery beforan i havwe met i find such a thorough disagreement wvwith that it alwvways ends in bickering or messier things. like killing. wvwith the exception of twvwo, evwer. because it isn't a neee, but a wvwant, i can afford to maintain my standards and not stoop to the pitiful belly scrapin levwel of an injured bed ridden psycophant wvwho cannot havwe any say in wvwho givwes him his sponge bath. a sight i am sure you are familiar wvwith. that being said, i do havwe one more thing to say. for all that your message infuriates in me. it sounds like.... disappointment. honestly, lamplady swvwansong, do you find yourself hurt that you wvwere rejected out of hand? i could be persuaded to trying to allowvw your hands to find themselvwes here. all you havwe to do is ask.
goodbye, wvwhoevwer your are. wvwhatevwer your name is. please, do take your asinine pandering to someone else's post so you can complain about wvwhat they wvwrite rather than contribute anything meaningful yourself. bye bye.
this human invwention, the la-z-boy, is not unlike the plush thrones i used to grace on my commanding fleets, or in aristocratic ball rooms. howvwevwer, on old alternia, wvwe did not havwe a massage function in the seats. i havwen't receivwed a massage in too many swvweeps to count. i almost drooled. if any attractivwe humans wvwith soft hands find themselvwes in my presence, make it knowvwn to me if you can satiate these tactile needs. you'd be handsomely rewvwarded.
wvwell, i'm not sure wvwhat you expected. seems to me like you can splash others just fine but you drowvwn in an instant.
i get that response a lot, but only from humans and beforans. you clearly don't havwe any perspectivwe on alternia, or at least wvwhat it wvwas like. for me, this kind of hostility barely scratches the surface. if you'd like, i can teach you all about the romantic and trench like depths of a true alternian insult fling, a hate kiss, a pitch wvwhirlwvwind. all you'd havwe to do is say, "take me".
i havwe no fucking idea wvwhat that is. if you're going to mentally check out and start making up bat shit gibberish, can you at least do it under someone else's post so you don't clog my screen wvwith unbearably bright green? you should consider a rebranding of yourself. others may take you seriously if you do.
the humans havwe been sharing their imbibements wvwith me. i suspect it is because my hand can fit around the avwerage human male's skull completely and they fear the crushing pressure of my angered grip. i havwe identified a drink i dare not call my favworite, but one i find favworable to be sure. it is called corona extra. i havwe drank 24 of them. i feel a slight buzz but honestly i find this light, refreshing drink suitable for a man of my royal pedigree. and thine most truthful sentiment in regards to the bevwerage- it fucking crushes one's thirst at the beach. - the orphaner dualscar
here is a pick up for all of you lowvw and foolish fewvw wvwho are failing to find yourselvwes a suitable mate this pailing season. do yourselvwes a favwor and take up good advwice wvwhen you hear it. this kind of line wvworks wvwell on a troll wvwho knowvws class and refinement, but one wvwho is not so up their owvwn chute that they can still appreciate a trashy romp in the dirty tavwern alley wvway after you ditch the ball. hear me good wvwoman, grant me thy leavwe to savwor the confection of thy cookie. my inner hunger roars for the sublime nectar of your person, send me not into loneliness but betwvwixt your mounds. - the orphaner dualscar
this is so asinine. keep your stories. come back wvwhen you aren't steamed like a clam.
haha. i'vwe stumped ye. didn't knowvw that i wvwas capable of taking on such grand romantic ambitions, did ya? do not be afraid. let's chat.
I will, ah, discuss it when my llove returns to my respite bllock. You do know I dedicated my entire llifetime killing members of your cast and the empire, correct?
wvwell wvwouldn't you knowvw it. wvwe havwe that in common. i'm past that nowvw. returning to my old wvways and stretching you limb from limb is something i leavwe for the young nowvw.
How... charming.
i don't think so. but i'll take the compliment. i think it's quite gruesome. i think wvwe all bear the scars of wvwhat wvwe did to survwivwe. wvwhat wvwe thought wvwas right. i think i need 24 more coronas. excuse me.
Enjoy.
am i the only one of my useless fucking alternate selvwes wvwho does not havwe an accent. some of you need speech therapy if you wvwant to claim the title of orphaner dualscar. - the orphaner dualscar
Not only that, but you have quite a smart and savvy suffiX. - MC Oleana
wvwell i figured it wvwas proper for a man of my status to sign my chits. anything i say is something that should be said wvwith my wvwhole chest, my entire magnitude of personality. those of greater destiny wvwill get it, and the peons simply wvwon't. keep up the good wvwork. - the orphaner dualscar
It's like your every post is another timeless quote straight from the biography of your life. - MC Oleana
it'd be a tome wvworth millions, farming both hatred and wvwonder. i havwe a lot people could learn from. perhaps i wvwill publish the tome of my life. the grimoire that is me. cronus. chapter one. nevwer trust scallywvwags, rapscallions or any wvwoman wvwho cannot look you in the eyes wvwhen she says i wvwant to mate wvwith you. - the orphaner dualscar
Okay. That's all great and I wholeheartedly support your endeavor, but you should probably save all that riveting material for the book. - MC Oleana
there is no need to savwor the quality wvwork if it abounds like the flowvwin sea. nevwer running dry. i appreciate the sentiment. - the orphaner dualscar
i havwe taken to wvwearing something the humans call... hawvwaiian shirts, as of late. is this anything? - the orphaner dualscar
It's a bit tacky, but quite co+mfo+rtable. And depending o+n where yo+u are, quite the fashio+n statement.
Y-----ES! It is ---EV------ERYT)(ING.
they are surprisingly comfortable. perhaps i wvwas wvwrong to dismiss them. i may make a post later. i havwe recently been introduced the concept of a selfie.
You s)(ould post a s)(ellfie, it would really improve upon t)(e timeline! 38)