Seymor Coblof
@companyCacophony
CLOURTMO CO.™’S #1 DESK JOCKEY! 𓂃✍︎
MY COWORKER IS WHINING ABOUT “BOOHOO OUR SUPERIOR ASKED ME TO LICK HIS BOOTS!” OKAY? AND? START LICKING! LUCKY BASTARD! 𓂃✍︎
It's always "Bulge, bulge, bulge" with you people. Never "Job".
You're So " Real ", Zuzu.
| hve noth|n else 2 b lArks|ee bb 💯
<action; statement input; statement: my job is a constant very |itera| agony that i cannot escape input; statement: i wou|d much rather think about bu|ge than the ship using my pan as a comm& centre />
€learly your employer isn't working you hard enough if you €an still think of bulge on the €lo€k. Would you like me to get in tou€h with them?
<action; statement input; statement: i don't have much panspace that is a||otted for me to use for my own thoughts input; statement: my superiors don't seem to care if i think about bu|ge with said panspace as |ong as i obey swift|y input; statement: which i do because i have correction coding that forces my attention to any who require it & punishes me if i take too |ong to fu|fi|| [#vio|ence]. the window is very short. />
<action; statement input; statement: he|mstro||s/pi|otbatteries can be programmed |ike this input; statement: regu|ar go|db|oods cannot. />
<action; statement input; statement: i did not want to give you that information. input; statement: but you're we|come. i suppose. />
▬ ¥ou can also do both if ¥ou have the will and vigor ᝰ
THE HORN ON THE SIDE OF MY HEAD MAY BE DISGUSTING AND ASYMMETRICAL, YES, BUT IT CAN ALSO BE PRACTICAL! I CAN HANG THE KEYRINGS OF ANY OF MY OFFICE COMPATRIOTS ON IT UNTIL THEY’RE READY TO USE THEM! 𓂃✍︎
>>| .are you not .afraid someone can steal them that way?
I GUARD THEM LIKE A FIERCE STRIPEBEAST! NOTHING IS GETTING PAST THESE KEEN BULBS! 𓂃✍︎
>>| .alright. still, possibility .is .out there. .i wonder what happens .if highblood decides to steal them.
WELL IF A HIGHBLOOD WANTS THEM THEY PROBABLY NEED THEM FOR SOMETHING IMPORTANT! ANY HIGHBLOOD IN OR OUT OF MY OFFICESPACE IS MY SUPERIOR! 𓂃✍︎
YEAH, I CAN DOM. DOMINATE THE FIRM REVENUE CHARTS. #SUPERSERIOUSBUSINESS
FOR THE RECORD, I AM NOT AWAKE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I CANNOT SLEEP! I AM AWAKE BECAUSE I AM DOING IMPORTANT BUSINESS THINGS! MUCH TO THINK ABOUT! 𓂃✍︎
ONE OF MY COWORKERS HAS BEEN IN THE DISCIPLINE HOLE FOR THREE WORKNIGHTS NOW! I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT HEINOUS, INCOMPETENT THING HE COULD’VE DONE TO GET HIMSELF BANISHED FOR THAT LONG! I HOPE HE LEARNS HIS LESSON! 𓂃✍︎
Lik£, this might b£ lik£, an upgrad£ from th£ bad £mploy££ lik£, corn£r that I might lik£, us£! Lik£, LMAO!
YES, IT IS VERY EFFECTIVE! I’VE NEVER SEEN ANY ERRANT BEHAVIOR THAT A STINT IN THE HOLE COULD NOT FIX! I EVEN DUG MY OWN HOLE AT MY HIVE, SO I CAN STAY DILIGENT EVEN OFF THE CLOCK! 𓂃✍︎
Lik£, OMFG. Lik£, you ar£ lik£, so totally d£dicat£d? Lik£, OMFG.. Lik£ im impr£ss£d!! ;]
Th€r€'$ nothing a$ thrilling a$ ₩atching th€ $tock mark€t ngl... Lik€ ¥€$ mak€ that traj€ctor¥ go up
↗️OH MY GOD YES.↗️
Th€r€'$ f€₩ thing$ that can giv€ ¥ou th€ $am€ ru$h (€xc€pt ma¥b€ cok€ but ¥k)
↘️when i am buying low and selling high, i feel alive.↘️ ↗️NOTHING MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.↗️ ↘️not even that.↘️
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A TROLL SO ROTTED IN THE PAN IT MAKES YOU SICK? THIS IS WHAT MY BULBS HAVE BEEN SUBJECT TO FOR THE LAST EXCRUCIATING TEN MINUTES! I AM GOING TO THINK ABOUT BETTER THINGS! SUCH AS A FRESH SLEEVE OF STAPLES! OR A BRAND NEW BALLPOINT PEN! MUCH BETTER! 𓂃✍︎
OKAY! THAT GUY’S OFF HIS ROCKER! THAT’S ENOUGH CHITTR FOR TOLIGHT! I AM GOING TO RETURN TO BEING GAINFULLY EMPLOYED! 𓂃✍︎
WOW HI CHITTR I CANNOT SLEEP SO I’M JUST GOING TO CHECK AND S HEY WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BEETLES UNDER MY DERMIS! WHAT! IF THEY’RE GONNA LIVE THERE THEY BETTER BE PAYING RENT! #VAGUEPOST 𓂃✍︎
ssccaarr yy, -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
I DON’T THINK THEY’RE ACTUALLY THERE! I THINK THE GUY SPEWING THAT NONSENSE IS JUST CERTIFIABLE! 𓂃✍︎
ii ssttiillll ddoonntt , lliikkee tthhee vviissuuaall ,, eeuugghh, hh, iittcchhyy , -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
YOU SHOULD VISUALIZE SOMETHING ELSE INSTEAD! LIKE A NEATLY FILED QUARTERLY REPORT! 𓂃✍︎
hhff, yyeess, tthhiiss iiss mmuucchh bbeetttteerr, , , ii wwiillll, aallssoo tthhiinnkk aabboouutt mmyy, mmeettiiccuulloouussllyy oorrggaanniizzee dd, nnootteess, ,, -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
YES! THIS IS THE WAY! BUSINESS-MINDED IS HOW IT OUGHT TO BE! 𓂃✍︎
WHY ARE WE ALL TALKING ABOUT TRAUMA? I DIDN’T KNOW THERE WAS A NIGHT FOR THIS! THAT COULD NEVER BE ME! MY EMPLOYERS PUT ME IN THE DISCIPLINE HOLE WHEN I MESSED UP AND I TURNED OUT FINE! 𓂃✍︎
THE PRODUCTS CLOURTMO CO.™ MAKES ARE TOP NOTCH, I’M TELLING YOU! I REALLY WISH I COULD AFFORD THEM! I’VE BEEN SAVING UP! SEEING THOSE SHINY NEW HUSKTOPS IN THE DISPLAY WINDOW NEARLY HAS ME SALIVATING ALL OVER MY CUBICLE! ONE NIGHT IT WILL BE MINE! 𓂃✍︎
I FINISHED DIGGING MY PERSONAL DISCIPLINE HOLE! IT TOOK ALL LIGHT, AND NOW IT’S TIME FOR WORK! I’M SO TIRED, BUT IT’S NOTHING FIVE CUPS OF CAFFEINATED BROWN SLUDGE CAN’T FIX! 𓂃✍︎
Br◎ke? D◎n't be, get ⟁ j◎b! J◎in the h⟁ppy m◎vement ◎f w⟁ge sl⟁ves!
◎f c◎urse n◎t, I ◎wn Empyre⟁n Tech, the empire's le⟁ding ⟁nd ◎NLY medic⟁l tech c◎mp⟁ny!
⍙vV-oH ThEn... TrI˄NgLeS? iZr˄ C˄Ll pYr˄/V\IdS BeC˄UsE LoOk f˄nCiEr tH˄N TrI˄NgLe-Vv⍙
◎h I misre⟁d y◎ur c◎mment, I s⟁w the w◎rd pyr⟁mid ⟁nd went blind. Yes it's just ⟁ tri⟁ngle in ⟁ circle.
Why th⟁nk y◎u~!
I’M ALWAYS DROPPING NOTES INTO THE SUGGESTION BOX SAYING THAT THEY SHOULD INVEST IN MANUFACTURING SMART MICROWAVES, BUT SO FAR IT HASN’T STUCK! I’M NOT UPSET THOUGH! I’M JUST A LOWLY DESK JOCKEY! IT WOULD BE A PRIVILEGE FOR MY LITTLE SUGGESTION TO BE CONSIDERED BY THE TROLLS ON TOP! 𓂃✍︎
I THINK I’M GOING TO DIG MY OWN PERSONAL DISCIPLINE HOLE OUTSIDE OF MY HIVE! FOR WHENEVER I MAKE MISTAKES OFF THE CLOCK! I HAVE TO HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE, AFTER ALL! 𓂃✍︎
Man.
vveerryy ssmmaarr tt,, ttoo ddoo , -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
MY COWORKER IS WHINING ABOUT “BOOHOO OUR SUPERIOR ASKED ME TO LICK HIS BOOTS!” OKAY? AND? START LICKING! LUCKY BASTARD! 𓂃✍︎
Man
More trolls need to be like you𝐿𝑒𝓍𝒾𝒶𝓃 𝐸𝓋𝒾𝒾𝓃𝓉
They have you beat like a hound. I hope you get to feeling better.
YEAH, ME TOO! MAYBE I’LL FEEL BETTER WHEN IT’S MY TURN TO DO THE LICKING! 𓂃✍︎
WORK CHUD? I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT! DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, BUT IF IT’S WORK ANYTHING, IT HAS TO BE GOOD! 𓂃✍︎
Exa€tly the attitude I'm looking for, honestly.
WELL THEN I HOPE ALL OF YOUR CURRENT AND FUTURE EMPLOYEES BRING THIS ENERGY TO THE PROVERBIAL TABLE! 𓂃✍︎
WERE I A LESS DIGNIFIED TROLL, I WOULD HAVE STARTED CHUGGING STRAIGHT FROM THE COMMUNAL CAFFEINATED BROWN SLUDGE POT AGES AGO! 𓂃✍︎
I DIP MY OBLONG MEAT PRODUCTS INTO MY CAFFEINATED BROWN SLUDGE FOR MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY! NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE FUEL TO START THE NIGHT! 𓂃✍︎
CONSIDER·THIS· FECAL·=·FVNNY THERE·IT·IS·LITERALLY·THAT·SIMPLE·THIS·IS·SCHOOLFEEDING·LEVEL·SHIT
CONSIDER THAT YOU ARE WRONG AND COMEDY IS SUBJECTIVE! EXCEPT FOR YOUR COMEDY, WHICH SO FAR HAS PROVEN TO BE EXCEEDINGLY UNFUNNY! 𓂃✍︎
COMEDY·IS·COMPLETELY·OBIECTIVE·AND·IT·IS·MY·MOTHERFVCKING·BIRTHRIGHT·TO·DEEM·IT·SO· #OVNAGE·VPON·YE
DID YOU PERHAPS FALL ON YOUR HEAD AS A WRIGGLER? OR MAYBE IT WAS MORE RECENT? 𓂃✍︎
MY·HORNS·ARE·TOO·LARGE·THEY·VOVLD·HAVE·SOFTENED·THE·BLOV·VERE·SVCH·A·THING·TO·HAPPEN· I·SVPPOSE·YOV·CANNOT·RELATE·VITH·YOVR·SHRIMP·HORNS
OH I SEE! LARGE HORNS AND SMALL THOUGHTSPONGE AS OPPOSED TO SMALL HORNS AND LARGE THOUGHTSPONGE! 𓂃✍︎
OH! WHAT’S THAT? I THINK I HEARD THE BUZZING OF SOME MISERABLE LITTLE FLY THAT I WILL NOW BE DISREGARDING! THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF THE TOP TEN MOST USELESS CONVERSATIONS I HAVE EVER HAD! 𓂃✍︎
CLOURTMO CO.™ HAS THIS METHOD OF DISCIPLINE WHERE IF YOU’RE A FAILURE, THEY PUT YOU IN THE HOLE! COMPLETELY DARK, NOTHING AROUND, NOWHERE TO GO, AND THEY DROP SLOP INTO IT NOW AND THEN TO KEEP YOU FED! IT DOES WONDERS FOR PUTTING LACKLUSTER EMPLOYEES AND TWO-BIT SLACKERS BACK IN LINE! 𓂃✍︎
ssccaarryy, bb, bbuutt pprroobbaabbllyy, aa ggoooodd lleeaarrnniinngg eexxppeerriieenncc ee , -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
INDEED IT IS! I ADMIT, I WAS PUT IN THE HOLE A FEW TIMES WHEN I WAS JUST STARTING OUT! EMBARRASSING, I KNOW! BUT I HAVEN’T MADE ANY BLUNDERS LIKE THOSE SINCE! 𓂃✍︎
mmaayybbee,, iitt wwaass,, aa ggoooodd tthhiinngg mmaakkiinngg tthhee mmiissttaakkeess tthheenn,, aanndd lleeaarrnniinngg, ssoo yyuuoo ddoonntt mmaakkee tthheemm, nnooww, -- H. MERGAL, SECRETARY [ABG INC.]
RIGHT YOU ARE! THE LESSON HAD TO BE LEARNED AT SOME POINT! I’M JUST GLAD THEY WERE ABLE TO WHIP ME INTO SHAPE! 𓂃✍︎
WOAH! BEEN SEEING A LOT OF #NSFW POSTING TONIGHT! BAH! WHY ARE YOU GRINDING ON EACH OTHER WHEN YOU COULD BE GRINDING OUT ANOTHER REPORT AT YOUR JOBS? 𓂃✍︎
Maybe to you. Maybe I'll invite you over and see that it's not so bad
Of course, yes a wipeend. Just be careful pal, I'd hate to see a nice man like yourself get totally burnt out.
I’LL HOLD MYSELF TO IT AS WELL! CAN’T BE CAUGHT SLACKING! AND ALSO IF I DO SLACK THEY PUT ME IN THE HOLE! 𓂃✍︎
Interesting.