Chaffi Azlure
@flurriedFiduciary
;; §he/her ;; ;; legi§lacerator ;; ;; p-plea§e don't §ue me or cull me if i lo§e your ca§e, i'm ju§t here for the p-paycheck and in§urance ;; ;; <> @piousPorcine ;;
;; m-my bo§§ j-ju§t told me t-that the firm refu§e§ to d-demote me to a le§§ ca§e-inten§ive po§ition b-becau§e they h-haven't had a legi§lacerator a§ proficient at culling "high-threat client§" in §-§weep§. i-i'm going to throw up i'm going to throw up i want to quit i want to quit i want to throw up... hhhh hhh ;;
;; §-§udden urge to hit the intern§ with a §tapler. ;;
↗️D-DO YOU EVER H-HAVE THE URGE TO REMOVE T-THE MARBLES FROM YOUR MISINFORMATIONCAVERN B-BEFORE YOU AUTHOR A POST.↗️
It'sss only fun about 60% of the time. Any other time it'sss a little disssheartening.
I wouldn't, if I were you. I'd use something larger. Like a briefcase. - MC Oleana
↗️Y-YES.↗️
Persssonally I ussse my sssword if they're being too obssstinate. Easssier and cleaner than bludgeoning.
↗️I-I WILL CONTINUE TO D-DO WHAT I LIKE.↗️
;; §§§§TAB§ YOU §TAB§ YOU §TAB§ YOU §TAB§ YOU §TAB§ YOUR §IDEBURN§. §TAB§ YOUR §IDEBURN§ IN YOUR §IDEBURN§. §§§HH HHH HH H H HH H HH H . . H HH H . .. .H. H..H . H. H. H. H.H .HHHHHH WEEHHHHHH... ;;
;; t-the mini§try of ju§tice... really need§ to figure out a better §orting §y§tem for all the§e file§ in the archive§! it §eem§ like §ome of thi§ §tuff ha§n't been organized in §weep§! ( •̀⤙•́ ) ;;
well w)(ats t)(e system you use now
consider: most of us don't Bother Sorting it either. how often are records Actually pulled and Useful?
true t)(at s)(red em all
;; bwehhhh... my §uit i§ §o §weaty. hhh h. into the wa§her with you! ;;
;; b-bwehhhh, j-ju§t another day of tediou§ paperwork... hhh hh. a-another day of beaurocracy b-before they §end me out there again to cull §ome... hhh h big §cary feral lu§u§... t-that could totally kill me hh h... bwehhhh... i need more coffee... ;;
;; t-today i'm gonna do it... i'm finally gonna do it today... gonna kill my bo§§... w-wi§h me luck! #violence ;;
⚇ fuck no. ⚇ chaffi got me covered. ⚇ for any of that boring shit. ⚇ she's smart. ⚇ and actually attractive. ⚇ unlike your scruffy ass ⚇ look like you and a razorblade had a messy quadrant breakup. ⚇ and you took the sideburns in the divorce. ⚇
♰ stop quadbaiting my pitch you freak :) ♰
<action; statement input; statement: this made my night bearab|e />
↗️IS THERE NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU THAT IS NOT GROTESQUELY INTERTWINED.↗️
↘️i can only stand in the presence of your admonishments and bow my shameful nub.↘️ ↗️I CAN ONLY ACCEPT YOUR ANTI-PRAISE WITH THE SAME GRACIOUSNESS ONE MIGHT ACCEPT A POOR EMPLOYEE REVIEW OR PHYSICAL REPRIMANDING FOR AN UNGRACIOUS WORK PERFORMANCE.↗️ ↘️i am not going to shave my sideburns.↘️ ↗️BUT I AM LISTENING AND I AM ALSO LEARNING.↗️ ↘️how can i do better.↘️
⚇ shave your sideburns. ⚇ and spend the rest of your life being nice to my moirail. ⚇ even if it hurts. ⚇ consider it holy penance. Conviction 5:66 - “When your feet are unsure and what comes on you is un-fucking-funny, seek you holy suffering in penance.” ⚇
↗️I↗️
↘️cannot do that.↘️
⚇ then keep your eyes open, wrothe aiaray. ⚇ keep your ears pricked. ⚇ keep looking behind you. ⚇ because one day i'll find you ⚇ and then you'll be clown food. ⚇
;; t-there'§ §o much §tuff on §treaming §ervice§ the§e day§. t-too much, really! i-i have no idea what to watch!! ;;
☆~𖦹 Watch the first thing your eyes see, no matter what it is :) 𖦹~☆
Read a book girly pop
Ugh
☆ watch band doKumentaries, or some gun review videos those are my favorites☆
;; IIIIIII HHHHHHAVE A TUMMY ACHEEEEEE BLEHHHHHHHH HWHEHHHH HHHH BLEHHhhhhhhhhh ;;
c< water? wOuld yOu care 4 sOMe water? >c
;; h-h-h-how am i §uppo§ed to §-§top thinking about the c-chittr anonymou§ confe§§ion... how am i p-po§§ibly §uppo§ed to §top thinking about it? hhh hh... hhh hhh hh??? hwehh?? ;;
;; H-HWY WHAT WHY WOULD I DO THI§ D-DO YOU WANT TO HURT ME WITH A R-ROCK YOU WANTN TE. TTO YOU UHUIT MY HADNEAD? W-W-W-WHHTIWTH A ROCK? WHHHHHHYYYYYYY WOULD Y-Y-Y-Y--Y-Y-YOUUUU WANNA DO THI§???? I'MMMHHHHH HHH HHWHWEHHHHHHHH E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭 ;;
;; E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭 ;;
^^ Oh my god. ^^
c< i dONt blaMe yOu tbH, tHat sHit was scary >c
I don't want to hurt you with a rock. I just think getting hit in the head with a rock is like. That'll wipe your memory.
;; E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ueU WANT TO HURT CHAFFI?? 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭??? WhywYhyyHHYY WOULD UO YOU WANT0-?? E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭 ;;
Are you actually crying when you type out your cries
i also agree with the chittr anonymous confession!!!
;; OVER§TIMMMMMMEEEEEDDDD HWEHHHH HHHH HH?? ?!! ;;
- Awesomme! 😁😁😁 Keep up the good Work, mmy technical superior! 👏👏👏
- Wait I thought this said overtimme/. I'mm on heavy pain mmedication. I'mm sorry. I'mm sorry. I'mm sorry. I'mm sorry. I'mm sorry. I'mm so sorry. I'mm sorry. I
- I amm ALWAYS on the lookout for potential legal representation... a good defense can never not be Handy! 👏😁 - I amm so sorry, mma'amm.
;; I-I'M A LEGI§LA§CERATOR I-I ONLY PRO§ECUTRE. W-W-W-W-WHHHOOOOO ARE YOU??? HWHAT? ;;
- Listen, mmiss. Sommetimmes the best defense is a COUNTER-SUIT. Everyone knows that. 🤣🤣🤣 Of course, I assumme you also do, too. #IUnderstood #IGotYourSarcasmm - It is just good for mme to know a lot of legal professionals. I'mm "netWorking." Because I mmyself amm a professional. 😁
;; I-I'M GONNA FROW UP... BLEHHHHHH... ;;
;; I-I'M NOT §URE WHETHER TO FEEL FLATTERED OR OBJECTIFIED. B-BOTH? H-HWEHHH? HHH HHH HH... I-I'M NOT U§ED TO PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME T-THI§ I§ TOO MUCH PRE§§URE I'M GONNA THROW UP... ;;
c< wOuld, yOu liKe sOMe water? Or sOMetHiNg? >c
c< uNderstaNdable, i dONt tHiNK id KNOw HOw 2 HaNdle beiN cONfessed abOut eitHer >c
;; g-go§h! the§e anonymou§ confe§§ion§ are §o... um... bold! ;;
;; y-you can't §tre§§ me out now! i'm at hive! i'm §afe at hive!! ;;
nofin nofin you all g
↘️you are missing your work emails.↘️ ↗️WHEN YOU RETURN TO YOUR CORPORATE HUSKDEVICE TOMORROW, THERE WILL BE OVER ONE HUNDRED UNREAD MESSAGES, ALL OF THEM MARKED VERY IMPORTANT.↗️ ↘️and then, the server will crash, and you will not be able to answer any of the time sensitive messages contained within.↘️
↗️IT IS TRUE.↗️
;; ppfbfbfbffffttttt... §tinky §tinky §tinky. n-not li§tening to you! la la la!! ;;
↘️and your boss will not only berate you for your misdoings, but physically punish you.↘️
;; H-HWEHHH? LA LA LA LALALALALAL LALALAL LALALALALLALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALA. ;;
↗️YOU WILL WELT BEFORE THEY RELENT.↗️ ↘️a deserved, unending barrage of corporal punishment.↘️ ↗️YOU WILL GO HIVE. AND FEEL SO UNWELL THAT YOU WILL NOT EVEN WANT TO DRINK YOUR BEER.↗️
;; f-finally hive! p-phew! i can't believe i got to leave work early... ehehee! ;;
;; o-okay! time to commute hive! ;;
;; cigarette§ and beer acquired! chaffi §ucce§§! ;;
c< aN iNcredibly cOMMON cHaffi wiN! >c
;; i-i get to go hive early t-today! w-wow! go§h thi§ ha§ never happened before... i don't even know what i'm going to do with my§elf for the re§t of the night!! i'm going to §moke §o many cigarette§... ;;
Fuck me if this ain't the most relatable thing I've ever read on this site so far.
;; i-i'm going to convenience §tore right now! i'm going to buy a whole pack of cigarette§ a-and a cheap ca§e of beer! i'm §o happy!! ehehee! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ thi§ i§ the be§t night ever!! ;;
Nevermind, THIS is the most relatable thing I've seen on the website so far. Godspeed, and enjoy it while you can.
== you should... watch a show you like... i think... ==
[|87 :: You and me both
c< cONgrats! iM glad yOure dOiNg better! >c
ʚ•ɞ W••H••!!! U can enj•y urself!! Have s• much fun!! ^v^ ʚ•ɞ
;; p-phewwwww... hhh... hwehhhh... o-okay. that'§ two out of three of today'§ client§ on my ca§eload lacerated... hhh hhh... i'm §o tired... ;;
;; hhhh hh o-okay that'§ another one done... uuueee... ee... hhhhh hh... ;;
⚇ you good girl :8? ⚇
;; n-no... j-ju§t had to c-cull a t-twelve foot §-§ubjugglator t-that w-went heretic a-and h-had a warrant for t-their laceration put on my c-ca§eload by the mini§try of ju§tice... hhh hh... i-i don't know w-what to do with the body... ;;
⚇ awh motherfucker...⚇ i ain't got no love for kin killing ⚇ but heretics ain't kin no more. ⚇ you did the right thing. ⚇ shit uh...okay, listen, if you need body disposal tips. ⚇ you can ask in dm? ⚇ if you need it? ⚇ i don't want you...cryin' n shit. ⚇
;; i-it'§ not really about right or wrong... i-it'§ ju§t... work i§ work... hh hhh h🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭 UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 E EUE🥺🥺😭UUUUE😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧ee😭🥺💧ue 🥺e e🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭 ;;
⚇ oh. awh fuck. ⚇ uh. ⚇ um. ⚇ uh. ⚇ erm. ⚇ fuck. ⚇ uh. ⚇ fuck. ⚇ SHIT i dunno how to. ⚇ please...don't cry??? ⚇ its okay motherfucker, you're good!!! ⚇ it'll be okay!!! ⚇ fuck!!! ⚇
;; a-a§§igned to lacerate a-another "high threat client"... i-i don't wanna... i-iw wanna go hive hhhh hwehhhhhhh hhh §ave meeeeeeeeeeeee ;;