TRYCKS TREATS
@glitteringAcuity
INTRODUCTIONS FROM THE DEFENSE/PROSECUTION/PLAINTIFF! * she/it/he/sev/star * legislacerator * gamblignant * absolute freak for troll magic: the gathering sincerely, Trycks Treats / Filigree Hallowen
SIDEBAR OUTSIDE EARSHOT OF THE JURY! sometimes it's your own co-counsel that doesn't know how to make an objection to save their life. or to enter an exhibit into evidence. or PRACTICE LAW
POINT OF ORDER! i'm not firing my intern because he's going to die very soon if he keeps this shit up
THE KINDS OF LOWLY FUCKS THAT I SEE IN THE COURTHOUSES ON DIVIDEND WOULD MAKE THE MOTHERGRUB WEEP. I'M DRAFTING UP REFORMS AS WE SPEAK SO IT'S GOOD TO SEE THAT THERE'S AT LEAST SOMEONE LEFT ON CHITTR WHO SEEMS TO ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT DUE PROCESS AND THE SANCTITY OF THE COURTHOUSE. I KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS SHIT THAN I EVER THOUGHT FUCKING POSSIBLE THANKS TO THE MIND EMPRESS.
ZZZOLZZZZZZ xoundzz like they zzhould die if they cant evvven do anything on the job dezzcrribtion </3
CROSS(?) EXAMINATION TESTIMONY! i care a lot about the proceedings of a trial & everything being done properly according to procedure. but i am in it for the love of the game & also for the money
WELL OF COURSE. WE'RE TROLLS, NOT PHILANTHROPISTS. WHAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT YOUR JOB- I DIDN'T MEAN THAT I'M EXPECTING CHARITY FROM LEGISLACERATORS OR SOME KIND OF CARE FOR THE TRIAL ITSELF BEYOND WHAT IT SERVES YOU. DO YOUR JOB, DO IT WELL. THAT'S ALL THAT CONCERNS ME. I'LL ONLY TAKE ISSUE WHEN A LACK OF COMPETENCE IS DISPLAYED WHICH, FROM A CURSORY GLANCE AT YOUR PROFILE, IS CLEARLY NOT THE CASE.
PRE-TRIAL MEDIATION! hey, if you need someone to do my job & do it well, i know a guy who can make it happen ᴹ:)
TCH. AS SOON AS THIS TRANSPORTALIZER TECHNOLOGY IS WORKED OUT, FEEL FREE TO SUBMIT YOUR APPLICATION DIRECTLY TO MY OFFICE. IF NOTHING ELSE I'D RESPECT THE FUCKING GUMPTION.
PRE-TRIAL MEDIATION! my caseload is dull right now. does anyone on chittr have some wacky shit they would either like to sue someone over or are looking for legislaceratorial defense over
POINT OF ORDER! tonight only: discounts for people who aren't losers or geeds (terminology to be defined at applied at my own discretion)
Would you like me to get into legal trouble, Master Treats?
READING ONTO THE RECORD! if nobody's got me, i know @todaysDreamer's got me
you and your 10 alternate selves do intimidate me you're the first non strider ive seen so many of
RESPONSE ON THOSE GROUNDS! it's not my fault!!! i don't want there to be so many of me on this platform either but apparently i'm just very prone to making a social media account in all these stupid fucking timelines
COMPLAINING ONTO THE RECORD! i noticed many legal inaccuracies in the human film Coyote vs. Acme
RESPONSE ON THOSE GROUNDS! HOPE HAVE YOU CONSIDERED IT'S A SILLY CARTOON MOVIE THAT HAPPENS TO INTERSECT A LOT WITH SOMETHING I'M VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT & i'm giving them LOTS of leeway already on the implausible & inconsistent worldbuilding about cartoon law!!!
That's fair I'm just teasing you, I'm just thinking that you've put a lot more thought into it than the writers did. Which is a fun thing don't stop! Just saying.
POINT OF ORDER! imagine they made a "silly cartoon movie" about YOUR day job, transporting through dimensions & dying for other people's sins or whatever & then it was full of GRATING inaccuracies!!!
I'd be concerned. But really they already make medical dramas that don't follow reality and that's what my real job is.
I don't talk about my day job much because of patient confidentiality but I do indeed run a clinic that I've started to open up to be more. Multidimensional
RESPONSE ON THOSE GROUNDS! ...well & do you never see those medical dramas & note the inaccuracies
READING ONTO THE RECORD! i don't think anyone else is appreciating enough that next perigee is literally October.
⚇ It's so fuckin' true. ⚇ If there's one thing we can agree on its that October? ⚇ Best perigee overall. ⚇
⚇ DAMN, FINE! ⚇ *I'LL* take October from now on. ⚇ Your favorite wipe can be like... Intercalamaris or something. ⚇
RESPONSE ON THOSE GROUNDS! NO WAY IN HELL you have to take pierrot. i hatched in october i have DIBS
⚇ NOPE! ⚇ You didn't wanna share, *you* relinquished it! ⚇ October is mine! ⚇
⚇ Damn, it's honestly pretty nice! ⚇ Keeping this WHOLE WIPE to myself! ⚇ October's so fucking cool! ⚇ All 45 of those nights! All mine! ⚇
MOTION TO ENTER EXHIBIT INTO EVIDENCE! ...while i'm quadposting anyways, have some more poetry. in case anyone forgot that i'm really good at poetry
⚇ Like he needed to breathe. ⚇
⚇ This shit wasn't for you, sister. ⚇ Motherfucker's runnin' 'round thinkin' that this wasn't targeted. ⚇ Like I am not possessed of these fine ass syllables. ⚇
I t0tally kn0w that. I d0nt really kn0w the guy at all. But i happened t0 read the p0em and it sp0ke t0 me deeply. I wasnt trying t0 "claim" it 0r anything.
⚇ Good. ⚇ See to it that it stays that way, gutterblood. ⚇
S0rry if i made things awkward. I genuinely just wanted t0 sh0w admirati0n f0r y0ur p0em.
POINT OF ORDER! i appreciated your admiration for my poem! suidae's just very jealous
READING ONTO THE RECORD! Opposing counsel never seems to underst& how lucky they are to be alive
⚇ Funny. ⚇ I was 'boutta 'boutta 'boutta say the same God damn shit. ⚇
MOTION TO ENTER EXHIBIT INTO EVIDENCE! i should probably do another photoshoot soon. using the same three pictures for all my billboards feels a little tacky (your regular reminder that these photos i use were taken by @whetherNet who is a joy to work with)
POINT OF ORDER! do you see how The Dogfather's face is in this one, albeit grossly out of scale
MOTION TO ENTER EXHIBIT INTO EVIDENCE! business card in pinned.
hey just the troll i kIndA mAybE nEEd to sEE right now! do yOU know if tAgorA's AlivE. and if not. do yOU want a new clIEnt
DIRECT EXAMINATION TESTIMONY! he's alive. for now. but also more busy than anyone has ever been, which is a damn shame... also yes
DON'T LOOK AT ME 𓂃۶ৎ [ https://file.garden/ZaNs35zqMBk7KeGf/chowdonut.png ]
DIRECT EXAMINATION EXPERT TESTIMONY! Well. listen me & him can work out the finer details there. as long as you can afford two legislacerators you can have two legislacerators
cOOl i hAvEn't bEEn pAyIng him. the frAUd's bEEn pAyIn for it. shit, he's bEEn pAyIng me hAhA. AnywAy nIcE dOIn bUsinEss with ya.
Lik£, amazing!!!!<> Lik£, looks lik£, so good. ;)
READING ONTO THE RECORD! maybe, in the far-off future, i might go a full wipe without my friend [cz] telling me to cull myself.
POINT OF ORDER! is it problematic that i have twice as many followers as my matesprit?
RE: YOUR TREAT(S)! (CROWD AWWW!) (CROWD SNAPPING THEIR STUMPS) (I SHOULD'VE COME ↑ WITH THAT FIRST (⒈st)!)
fucking g&&er are you serious;
POINT OF ORDER! woah hey it's a little early in the relationship for pailing
*DIRECT* EXAMINATION TESTIMONY! about a wipe & a half ago ᴹ:) it's been really nice
READING ONTO THE RECORD! i've made it to 200 followers... it's good to be famous. MOTION TO ENTER EXHIBIT INTO EVIDENCE! https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/6ff68fed7053.png
SIDEBAR OUTSIDE EARSHOT OF THE JURY! i've been having weird dreams lately. i keep finding myself in a strange, purple city, a maze of towering spires & dark alleyways... it's populated entirely by creatures that are a little shorter than most trolls, with chitin like the night sky.
I KNEW YOU WERE A DERSE DREAMER! (CROWD WOW!) (CROWD CHEER!)
READING ONTO THE RECORD! one of the most underrated words in the Alternian language is "amortization". just a very pleasant collection of sounds
INTRODUCTIONS FROM THE PLAINTIFF! I'm the luckiest troll alive.
READING ONTO THE RECORD! i'm teal for a tautological reason.
Keeping it Real with Teal since they keep it Real.
DISCLAIMER! i'm not saying i CONDONE the evil professor from Legally Bronze,
isnt the evil profess|| a misogynist i dont remember(watching(it));
CROSS EXAMINATION TESTIMONY! HE ALSO RUNS A BILLION DOLLAR LAW FIRM
MOTION TO ENTER EXHIBIT INTO EVIDENCE! okay whoever left the conspiracy board of me in the unused conference room by mistake has apparently shifted focus????? why do they care about my friend [cz]??? https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/73ee7a0a559c.png
POINT OF ORDER! @algorithmCarnage
They're still working on a wavelength we just can't reach.
READING ONTO THE RECORD! why "be true" to "thine own self"? that just happens. instead you should be true to a substantially more financially successful version of "thine own self". get it together trolliam shakespeare
i dont think(you should(try(to be the mafia you)));
OBJ- SIDEB- READING ONTO THE RECORD! YEAH MAN I FUCKING GUESS NOT.
SIDEBAR OUTSIDE EARSHOT OF THE JURY! i just don't know how i'll know when i've earned the Friend of Chchow badge...
You shall know when you have spilled bllood in her name.
POINT OF ORDER! WAIT THAT'S EASY I CAN GET THAT DONE LIKE TOLIGHT
Go, my student. And kill for very llittlle reason at all
OBJECTION! ...i don't see you sporting the badge in question, actually. i have no problem with wanton violence for very little reason but VOIR DIRE! how are you fulfilling the prongs of 702(b-d) here. what are the facts or data, the gold-st&ard-in-your-field principles & methods, & the explicit assertion that the latter were applied RELIABLY to the former!!!
I am 500 sweeps olld. What??? I do not have the badge due to the fact that I do not llike asking for badges. It pllucks at my high-strung nerves.
OBJECTION! under Imperial Rule of Evidence 401 evidence is only admitted if such evidence makes the fact in question more or less probable; it is my assertion now that being 500 sweeps old does not meaningfully preclude the defendant from knowing how to read, thus not actually making the fact in question more or less probably. furthermore i object under rule 404(a)(1), evidence of a person's character trait (i.e. "being old") is inadmissible to determine a person acted in accordance with that trait (i.e. "was confused"). finally, i also object under rule 601, which is to say witnesses must be competent to testify; if the defendant truly can't follow the train of logic (regardless of alleged senility) they must step down from the st&.
DISCLAIMER! SORRY I DON'T ACTUALLY. HM. I believe you are friends with Chchow & would like to be friends with you also
xx_WHAT!!!_ZOMG_TRYCKS_YUO_COULD_ASK_4_IT_NOW_IF_YUO_WANT_x))_I_LUV_SEEING_YUO_IN_MY_NOTIFS!_xx