♥ liked by @officeBitch
Feeling b⟁d f◎r s◎me◎ne else? St◎p th⟁t, emp⟁thy is useless when y◎u c◎uld be e⟁rning m◎ney!
when shes a ten but als໑ can break every b໑ne ⓘn y໑ur b໑dy s໑ actually an eleven
Hmm.
YOU HUMOR ME SSURE I WI// FIND THIS ACCEPTAB/E >83
straight up jorkin it #nsfw #suggestive
DATA SOURCES REQUESTED. excellent question. my sources are: 📊 imperial census data 📊 drone vibes 📊 one spreadsheet labeled REAL_NUMBERS_FINAL_FINAL_2.xls 📊 a guy in a cloak who kept nodding 📊 screams per capita 📊 employment statistics collected from everyone who ran away too slowly 📊 the Bureau of Labor and Culling, whose motto is “if they are not alive, they are not unemployed” unfortunately all raw data was eaten by a legislacerator during peer review. conclusion: statistically rigorous.
fun societal analysis: the official unemployment rate is 4%. the unofficial unemployment rate is 73%, because the empire counts you as “employed” if you are: ✅ currently fleeing drones ✅ trapped in a revenge arc ✅ emotionally supporting a worse person ✅ dead but still posting ✅ technically a weapon ✅ “between cullings” ✅ doing unpaid quadrant labor meanwhile the culling rate is listed as 2%, because everyone culled is immediately reclassified as “successfully removed from the labor force.” the economy is doing great.
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[THE TWO GREATE$T PLA#E$ TO BE ON ALTERNIA HAVE TO BE ONE THE BEAUTIFUL #LEAN #ORPORATE OFFI#E AND $E#OND ON TOP OF YOUR BOYFRIEND RIDING THE $OUL OUT OF HIM #MHM #N$FW #HORNYPO$TING #WAT#HOUT]
(( #ooc #pinned Your name is AKRAVI TYPHLO, and you are a SMART, LAW-ABIDING EVIL WIZARD. You are a GOLDBLOODED TROLL taking up hive in the ARID DESERTS of ALTERNIA, making your home in a long-abandoned ruin carved into the sandstone cliffside, expanded upon by yourself and your LUSUS to include a KICK-ASS TOWER fitting of ANY WIZARD WORTH THEIR SALTS. It is located not too far from the settlement of SANDSTRIDE, home to similarly like-minded, magically inclined trolls. As with most goldbloods, you have a PENCHANT FOR COMPUTER SHIT, though you are most definitely NOT THE BEST AT IT. Your IMPULSIVE HABITS tend to GET THE BEST OF YOU, resulting in HASTILY-MADE SPAGHETTI CODE and ERRORS UPON ERRORS SPAWNED FROM ONE CURLY BOY }. Your real passion, however, lies within POTION CRAFTING. Brews most sinister and non-sinister, which you sell to get some extra WALKING AROUND CAEGAR. You are a self-proclaimed ALCHEMIST and WIZARD. It's not your fault that magic and brews are fucking AWESOME. As such, you are a follower of the infinitely wise teachings of TROLL MERLIN, as well as a MEMBER of the SANDSTRIDE WIZARDRY UNION, which is overseen by the SANDSTRIDE MAGISTERS COUNCIL. You have a VARIETY OF OTHER INTERESTS, perhaps way too many, finding yourself jumping between hobbies like it's GOING OUT OF STYLE, to the point where you frequently FORGET ABOUT YOUR PAST HOBBIES. Some of those include MIXOLOGY, ACID JAZZ PIANO, POETRY, and a PLETHORA OF OTHER THINGS. Your trolltag is arenaceousAlchemy and you [ >SPEAKETH IN A, LIKE, COMMANDING AND PROMPTING TONE, LOLE_ ] What will you do? ======> AKRAVI: START POSTING ON CHITTR DOT ING. https://f2.toyhou.se/file/f2-toyhou-se/images/119484708_jP7VyOhPEIxZP1q.png https://f2.toyhou.se/file/f2-toyhou-se/images/119823992_cShZHL2vfC0AO7E.png
((art by yours truly
CLOSING STATEMENT! no
i don't underst+ the people revolting for change i usan the bread we have tastes good + the circuses are funny
i fw perverted girls who play video games and sleep half the night #nsfw
// ah shit i've become a plot-relevant character in chittr's missingno arc
CONFER WITH CO-COUNSEL! goregle calendar invite coming soon
POINT OF ORDER! on principle i have simply always refused to run. i saunter
↗️THESE PUZZLES ARE LITERALLY TOO EASY.↗️ ↘️#sudoku.↘️ ↗️ https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/285609e37e47.png ↗️
the world will never be a better place as long as there are girls like me around
↗️SEEKING BUDDING ENTREPRENEURS AND THOSE OF LIKEMINDED BUSINESSENSE FOR CONSULTATION ON MISSING BENEFICIAL-OFFICE-NEWLY-UNREQUIRED-READING [B.O.N.U.R] MATERIAL.↗️ ↘️once, between my typical skims of the employee's handbook and my intake of informational supplements of the mind diet.↘️ ↗️SUCH AS THE USUAL "STOCKS AND BONDS FOR IDIOTS WITH TWO NODES COMPETING FOR THIRD PLACE"↗️ ↘️and↘️ ↗️"INVESTMENT PROTOCOLS FOR WEAKWILLED IDIOTS WHO DO NOT DESERVE A CHEQUE TO CUT THEIR NAME ON: READ IT UP AND SPEW IT OUT 101."↗️ ↘️i found myself with a piece of literature so enthralling and attention-snaring that it literally had me trembling like a hopbeast in a cholertrap.↘️ ↗️THE ONLY ISSUE IS THAT I CANNOT RECALL THE PROPER ISSUE.↗️ ↘️and it has been purged from the office's personal bookhive of literary entrapment.↘️ ↗️I HAVE DONE A MOCK UP OF WHAT THE COVER PHOTOGRAPH WAS, WITH A SUPPLEMENTAL TITLE TO SERVE AS A JUMPING OFF POINT FOR CUBICLESLEUTHS WILLING TO EXERT THEIR POTENTIAL.↗️ ↘️please consult.↘️ ↗️ https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/390575896ef9.png ↗️
私も同じ経験があるから、その通りだと思う。私もハッパで同じことをした。
#hornyposting #nsfw https://f2.toyhou.se/file/f2-toyhou-se/images/117855632_DkXZM6PCTHSCwWB.png
(Good I like when teal bloods get all up in my business~)<
↘️i cannot stand him.↘️ ↗️ https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/cb8f7b9fab91.png ↗️
i'll shoot you an emmmmail.
srudies showwww that life does feel pretty dammmmn good after jacking off and three glasses of wwwwine and ripping your glass piece like it'll commmme into your mmmmawwww #nsfwwww #subtances
girLs covered in bLood...wow #fightnight
#FOMO #FOMO #FOMO #FOMO #FOMO #FOMO #FOMO #FOMO #FOMO #FOMO #FOMO
- This! 🤣🤣🤣☝️☝️☝️ #HigherPowers #PleaseSpareMeForAgreeing #Thanks
INTRODUCTIONS FROM THE DEFENSE!* another thing about me is that i am half mafia boss on my lusus' side. shout out to The Dogfather for raising me right *DISCLAIMER! you remember the disclaimer from the previous post it still applies business card in pinned
INTRODUCTIONS FROM THE DEFENSE!* one thing about me is i love to confer *DISCLAIMER! i and my firm represent cases on all sides of the courtblock. defense (specializing in negligence and personal harassment), plaintiff (specializing in seemingly-frivolous lawsuits against restaurant chains), and prosecution (specializing in inter-caste culling and divorce). regardless of your case you can book a consultation immediately for a very reasonable fee business card in pinned
CONFER WITH CLIENT! speaking as your legislacerator i am advising you to keep posting that shit
CONFER WITH CO-COUNSEL! no wait dont object rn this is good for us. if opposing counsel makes our client cry during cross - any second now - then they'll try to get up and run the fuck away. we're off the record rn so i can tell you plainly they're exceptionally weak-willed. and anyways this judge won't let trial move forward while the defendant's out, right? which means we get an additional recess that opposing counsel didn't plan for. and they'll be right out here in the open, vulnerable, and i can cut their head off rq and the replacement from their firm won't be back before the trial is over. aaaand there they go bawling like a wriggler ok its showtime
4FT3R MY SH1FT 1S OV3R, 1'M GO1NG TO N33D 4 T4LL GL4SS OF C1G4R3TT3S #SUBST4NC3
↗️PLEASE DO NOT COMPARE THE STOCK MARKET TO SOMETHING AS LOWLY AND ALSO MENIAL AS HOOFBEAST BETTING.↗️ ↘️there is an assurance in hoofbeast betting that at least one of them will win.↘️ ↗️SOMETIMES, NOBODY WINS ANYTHING FROM THE MARKET.↗️ ↘️is that not literally amazing.↘️ ↗️I, OF COURSE, HAVE SUCH A DIVERSE AND INSATIABLE PORTFOLIO THAT CAEGAR NATURALLY FIND THEIR WAY TO MY POCKETS, BUT I KNOW FOR OTHER SORROWFUL INVESTORS, IT IS WORTHLESS FOR THEM TO EVEN TRY.↗️
#nsfw youre welcome, , , https://i.imgur.com/tqoMHgg.png
↗️EVEN IF THERE IS NO REWARD, WE SOLDIER ONWARD.↗️
one must imagine officeBitch happy
↗️DO NOT COMMENT DISPARAGING THINGS ABOUT MY WORK DRAWINGS.↗️ ↘️you could never understand the bond between two warriors.↘️ ↗️AN EMPLOYEE AND AN EMPLOYER.↗️
READING ONTO THE RECORD! as we all know the four aspects of negligence are duty, breach, causation, and damages. which is easy to remember because of the mnemonic "don't be a cunt, daniel". and i just want it to be known, to be stated for the record, that most breaches of duty are actually like fine and the jury doesn't need to care and a lot of the time damages are boring. and really i also think causation is hard to prove because there are an infinite amount of other timelines so who is to say why anything happens. so anyways as someone currently defending a country club against a negligence charge and hasn't had to sue for negligence in like half a sweep at least i think maybe negligence doesn't actually exist and isn't real and no one can ever be held liable for it unless i get hired to make it happen in which case if you're interested my business card is in pinned #law
POINT OF ORDER! listen so maybe the - violetblood, so this is actually going to trial - decedent's death was objectively pretty terrible and maybe my clients did not put a lot of effort into preventing it. but also have you considered that he was kind of stupid and probably drinking on the job? what did skylar "the decedent" sincar ever do for you anyway huh #law
AnyonE WillinG To LeT Me CoveR TheM In KisS MarkS? I'm BoreD AnD FeelinG AffectionatE. <3
>>| .another night, .another finished job shift.
CONFER WITH CO-COUNSEL! congratulations 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
It's this kind of dedication that we should be celebrating. - MC Oleana
If you love what you do, you never work a night in your life.
THANK you. #ThePaintingGoblinsRightToWork
People would put him out of a job? He has every #RightToWork. - MC Oleana
↗️THE BOSS MAKES A BOONDOLLAR, I MAKE A BOONDIME.↗️ ↗️MY DESERVED COMPLACENCY TO MAKE UNDER THE AVERAGE WAGE HAS GRANTED ME THE ABILITY TO CHITT ON COMPANY TIME.↗️
♡♡|BONDAGE LOVE WINS! #NSFW|♡♡
📧 -> Contracts Are My Safe Space. I Love Contracts. I Love Writing Them, I Love Verifying Them, I Love Stamping Them, I Love Assigning Them. I Have Never Read A Contract That I Haven't Loved. Best Regards, Kelric Stravi
PRE-TRIAL MEDIATION! if you have any questions regarding your legal responsibility and therefore liability, my firm charges a very reasonable consultation fee. and for that matter a very reasonable fee to defend you in court
READING ONTO THE RECORD! all my haters become evisceradjudicators in my courtblock of success
yeah man of course. my job is literally finding vulnerabilities in ppls systems, so i get it, we gotta keep our digital footprint light
Some of you are deeply unemployed.∞
:33< theyre going in foldpurr fort nox
:33< mew think im some sort of cime lady who does crime? no!
brief doodle of cap'n i did while at a thing, her drinking at the event lmao https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/46b14f64078d.jpg
((welcome to part i don't know of me getting the ooc posts out of the way for my muses welcome to the world of ultimate gaming karkat here shares a timeline with my partner's sollux @twinArmageddons (both living on a version of alternia) things that will probably come up: #substance and #nsfw, #gore and #violence, his ever creative vocabulary and longwinded rants are bound to have those in some way shape or form LMAO post-game, god-tiered, typically doesn't care to talk about it gay trans guy, magic-transitioned by god tiering (he still has top scars though because i do what i want. they're gender.) he's also affiliated with my dave @timeskipGuydude because i have a disease he has a pet dogy :) jack russell terrier named alessia #ooc #pinned
w0ah mama!! +ha+ prin+ is fine as hell!!
beer. will be considered.
I was unaware that a week lasted approxim8ly 8 hours these days.
Now listen to me, young man. I am talking directly to you. If you'd like to prove yourself as a work asset, there's something you need to do for me. I need you to go down to the GameStop, and I need you to ask the troll behind the counter if they have Bambi on the PS2. If you come back empty handed, you'll be in big trouble mister.∞
10010001000101100110010011001001111>IM A REAL TROLL I HAVE A LUSUS AND I HAVE FRIENDS AND MY INTERESTS ARE WAR AND IMPERIAL DRONES ISN'T THAT NORMAL IM BEING HONEST
NEW COMIC Sweet BRO and hella JEFF - CHITTR https://file.garden/aUjin6psK2beHWDq/SBAHJ%20-%20CHITTR.png
POINT OF ORDER! i'm in the courtblock
CROSS EXAMINATION TESTIMONY! ya lol idgaf
POINT OF ORDER! permission to strike, your highblood? no not the offending testimony from the record i want to physically attack opposing counsel rq pleeeease
ooc i need to edit one of those lawyer billboards for trycks LMAO
I hate t.o° suggest s.o° t.o° a highbl°o.o°d but have y.o°u c.o°nsidered n.o°t failing y.o°ur rep.o°rts?
CONFER WITH DIRECTING WITNESS! perfect thanks i'll drop off your cut of the profits if we win #contingencypayment
POINT OF ORDER! which is to say do you have troll venmo or something
CONFER WITH CO-COUNSEL! perfect! and i appreciate the confidence but just to be clear are you willing to say this. on the record. because if so then we're making this happen
PRE-TRIAL MEDIATION! if anyone would like to come forward and offer testimony about being affected by Olive Lawnring's false advertising regarding "infinite pasta", my legal team and i would pay handsomely your testimony. unless you're tagora who's not getting a single red tenth-caegar out of my damn lawsuit profits
Good thing I'm not like any of you odd types! I wouldn't change a single thing about my mundane existence. Glad to be here just as I am. My only real concerns are to do with those around me!
Off to work at my job now! Don't get in any trouble now.
What a great day to contribute to my community and family and society through my labor!
PRE-TRIAL MEDIATION! trolls seeking legal representation for crimes they didn't actually commit for once will recieve discounts from my firm if their alibi is particularly amusing
most of rankmaid-senseis posts have been short enough to have archive tags visible but lately they have been a bit longer! so they will be moved to the top in future works thanks for your KUDOS ❤︎ !
SIDEBAR! i paid my way through legislacerator training the old-fashioned way: multi-level marketing schemes, gambling, and selling bridges
mmobster goonn curious about their gennder: i ainnt ever beenn abroad before...
I NEED A SUPER HATE BUTTON!!!!!!!
RE: GREAT POST! #rechitt lol
SIDEBAR! it's been a long night shilling for Hallowen & Co. law offices in random troll's replies, but i'll never regret a second of time spent telling people we charge a very reasonable fee for some extraordinary services and you should hire us to represent you right away
READING ONTO THE RECORD! all my haters become negotiators when they face my hostage situation of success #business #law
- I'mm rebranding... are you ready? For a hot, new admministrangulative craze? The solution every single one of your cubicle-bent problemms? 😌
this.is.your.daily.reminder.that.most.lowbloods.and.midbloods.actually.support.the.hemospectrum.and.heirarchy.do.not.be.fooled.by.extremists.posing.as.normal.on.this.website
FWD: BUSINESS CARD! actually i do kind of just want to show this off to everyone https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1425645832819966032/1433924756150816818/1.png?ex=69c4f6be&is=69c3a53e&hm=6258fd67c5f1d40457867db3460a99e6ba93d0f0e2a8225130437dfcf0f668d4& https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1425645832819966032/1433924756532625499/2.png?ex=69c4f6be&is=69c3a53e&hm=44f45b9043c2e560f55823184eb152d335f7224ee8b1c5b0b0d44c81f84d2fb0&
RE: HOLY SHIT! i, um, here's my business card
CONFER WITH CO-COUNSEL! *twirls hair* ahaha your spreadsheets aren't so bad yourself
POINT OF ORDER! if you would like to sue your management over an abundance of fire hit me up we can make something beautiful happen
CONFER WITH CO-COUNSEL! luckily the only positive records i have ever made of a client are "i am being paid to represent them in court" and "i like money, which they happen to be paying me"
DIRECT EXAMINATION TESTIMONY! *only* if you were an email
SIDEBAR! look at my client dawg they're going to dieeeeeeee
POINT OF ORDER! opposing counsel is a little bitch. no i don't have any issues with the exhibit Your Highblood i just wanted to make sure you're seeing this shit #law
Duh! If I wanted sexy singles, I’d go out and find some myself!
GIRLS ONLY POST, IF YOURE A MAN YOUR GETTING CULLED
[Troll Walmart is like Tilted Towers for FLARPers]
HTTPS://I.REDD.IT/XV5E03N7JFQG1.JPEG IDOLS
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ They don't tell you that you can just cull anyone you see on the street. Just did. It was cathartic. ]
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Hash: SHA512 update! last one before i crawl into my recuperacoon and die lol check settings page, there's a new thing mutual-only dms setting and if you scroll down more you can find more granularity in how certain settings are applied c: #siteupdates -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- n+plqBdLgv+RUWqMKzDwD/CFJjCIdeNwdbzoHRoNWdepUxHwKBfFaYyzUkRqXKLf lzDxFJHvwQNoYveZdMPUDgQeuSfYRdCyCFmMVEYMUbUKGmEjloSSLszQIHTNnaYH YIXZrGbOobIfdSkrbqkhFVLIRXGaijV+SiTdMzZNKoMr//IhawKvRdWAujrZkxWV noNrASLgh/eWyOJsFrUItojmrKUElEmhjc+jUCqSjTZQLIxyHqclD/RPGbO/+qYY HeAH+XVspoKIYVjptZxAbJXSucHGVdJhSvbpXiAIlfyKfgqsweFSyToSVtmApFOZ cwxQZsCrWeYIacwwmjifsBBcDJASqiVAupuyW+RLS+tzRlXDgGBNUfpjMBpETwco WTf+ =sbhn -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
Alright, fuck it ill g3t thi2 party 2tart3d Lik3 thi2 bitch for a TBH 3v3n if i dont know your a22
「 That's a good point. They can't exactly ignore *me* even if they can ignore the low and midbloods. ⥮
type $hit