The Baronair
@paleHighblood
HEAd of PinniP's oil reserves ANd the toP emPloyer of LOWBLOOdS on Beforus | Current Project: Royal Flush Host Club ANd Bar
When my moirail is in one of his "MOOdS" he likes to Pour SCALdING hot CONGEALEd ANd PASTEURIZEd muscle beast milk with miniature green foliage on my laP to get a reaction out of me. I never give it to him unless he's been GOOd but it's sweet that he still tries. #abuse #mutualpalegreement
- I see. So mmy attemmpts at affection aren't good enough for you then. I thought you liked being "palebaited." Well. Shamme on mme. I suppose I was wrong. ※ NOTICE: I will be discontinuing all scheduled and autommatically shipped orders of the mminiature flora, by the way. I don't expect that we'll need it anymmore.
※ URGENT NOTICE: Do *not* call it a pitch fit. If I were vacillating for you right now, you'd be able to tell. ※ ADDENDUM: And your prongsies are cold.
I can't believe some of you don't recognize me just because I don't go by Bucket Cumjar anymore/
My name has changed, but my purpose hasn't/
A cumjar by any other name is just as sweet/
-- PINNED POST -- You are THE LUNARCH, and you are the uncontested CHAMPION CULLTAKER of Beforan Ethically Subjugated Entity 41014. Mostly because that's KIND OF A THING YOU TRAILBLAZED YOURSELF, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Some trolls like to tell you that CULLING YOUR BELOVED LESSERS is not inherently an Imperial Assignment, and to that you say COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG, BROTATO CHIP. COME TO MY CRANIAL STEM OF THE WOODS AND SEE IF YOU DON'T END UP CULLCHOW. You were practically still in your larval molt when you achieved your wildest dreams of GLOBAL FIDUSPAWN CHAMPIONSHIP. In fact, your status as a COMMODIFIED BEAST ZEALOT shot your wriggler ass straight up the rankings of LUCKY ELITE AGENTS designated worthy of leaving your home planet for the POMON COLONY CLUSTER- the home of the FIDUSPAWN, where they are carefully biomanufactured for WALLET-DEFYING SHOWMANSHIP AND FESTIVITY. 41014 is the TROPICAL SHINING JEWEL of this miniature paradise (within the larger and MOST UNIMPEACHABLE BEFORAN UTOPIA of course) and alongside your beloved STARBAT LUSUS and your MILITARY GRADE FIDUSPAWN, you defend 41014 and its troll inhabitants from INTERDIMENSIONAL HORRORS BEYOND MORTAL COMPREHENSION. You also HOST TOURNAMENTS on the hiveturf in search of BEFORUS' BEST AND BRIGHTEST TRAINERS, and have remained PRETTY FUCKING FAMOUS for bringing the beatdown on and off the battlefield. Frankly, you don't remember or care how the hell they did things before you showed up, because they're FUCKIN' WITH THE BIG BEASTS NOW. It is rare that a purple such as yourself reach a caliber of excellence that they are permitted to oversee more than a small handful of warmerbloods, but you are nothing if not a RECORD-BUSTING MONSTER in all aspects of life. Each of the terrestrial-dwelling inhabitants of 41014 lives, works hard, and PARTIES HARDER under your DOTING STEWARDSHIP. In exchange for your UTTER DEVOTION and INTERPLANETARY CELEBRITY SPONSORSHIP, it seems like a pretty low toll to demand your faithful underlings LOVE, SUPPORT AND TRUST YOU UNCONDITIONALLY. What will you do?
↗️IMAGINE THIS↗️ ↘️you are at work when you receive a text from him.↘️ ↗️"LOOK WHAT I FOUND~"↗️ ↘️with a picture of your imperial identification security card.↘️ ↗️"NO, PLEASE, DON'T DO IT."↗️ ↘️you beg.↘️ ↗️HE DOES NOT LISTEN.↗️ ↘️you receive another image, your card burnt and ashen under the heat of a raging flame.↘️ ↗️"GO TO YOUR OFFICE'S ABLUTION BLOCK AND SEND ME A SCREENSHOT OF YOUR DMB APPOINTMENT~"↗️ ↘️he forces you to endure countless bureaucratic instances.↘️ ↗️HE FORCES YOU TO NOT ONLY SUBMIT TO HIM, BUT TO SUBMIT TO THE MONOTONY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR BUGGIES.↗️ ↘️i am picturing it right now.↘️
Moirail FOUNd the manifesto, fuuuuuuuuuck.
The what now
OHHH Thanks. I was confused and scared.
Will you pet my hair?
Snf... Yes please
Venturing into hostile territory. #FeltOpening
Christ of yore, I am sucked into this corset. I feel like a can of biscuits busting out of this sucker. No, Unreal Heiress. Don't post that.
Big changes coming! @involuntarilyLulzworthy Your "throne" awaits. :B
It's charming when cobalts think and act like they're highbloods~.
I don't find them threatening enough to truly be bothered~. In a way, I find the audacity entertaining~.
@accedenceManaged ?dO you ever miss how I was Pre-molt?
꧁@paleHighblood #nsfw #bulgerating #chucklevoodoos #newformat Okay everyone. This is a unique one! The stats basically matter less than they should, which is humiliating to admit, because ordinarily I like numbers to stay where I put them. Strength: 5. Pliability: 7. Length: 6. Girth: 4. X-Factor: 9. Purpleblood, yes. Beforan, yes. Highblood, yes. Still modest. Sorry. The Baronair’s bulge is bullying my pan. It has decent give, better response to attention than force, and a very strange relationship with authority. I do not think it impresses by size. I think it impresses by getting everyone nearby to behave like size was never the most important part. The X-Factor is through chuckleconditioning. Lowbloods, office cullployees, moirails with poor stress management, cullployee host bar applicants, and whatever the Annalist is doing near the desk are all part of the field around it. Try being told to get on the desk near this bulge. You will probably feel better and worse. There's almost a radiating warmth from it. As bleak as this troll can be at times, it makes my pan feel better just communing with it. His bulge is not overly large. That is probably why it has developed an entire office around itself. Cigar smoke. Scotch. Cold slime. Petroleum residue. Expensive chair leather. Stress-sweat. A little panic. Old money pretending it is comfort. It smells like a cigar lounge built inside a recuperacoon, and I regret how much that explains. Taste is bitter smoke, dark sugar, salt, and something medicinal from the cigars. Texture is smooth, warm, and more responsive than the measurements deserve. There is no severe ridge profile, no dramatic purpleblood overdevelopment, no historic caste nightmare hiding under the desk. The underside is sensitive enough to explain the bossiness. Not justify it. Explain. The Baronair is ideal for anyone trying to experience Beforan highblood workplace meionics without being physically overwhelmed. Small. Bossy. Desk-certified. Huskboard-adjacent. Better in a lap than in a joust. Palind Pinnip is for communing. The Baronair is for being managed.꧂
꧁You'd be excellent. Yourbulge remindsme of someone.꧂
꧁palind pinnip @tumblingTenet ??? she is my friend he got me off the moon i love palind but now im back on the moon꧂
꧁no. iwasachud palind wasnt there꧂