♣ mediated by @paleHighblood
- I see. So mmy attemmpts at affection aren't good enough for you then. I thought you liked being "palebaited." Well. Shamme on mme. I suppose I was wrong. ※ NOTICE: I will be discontinuing all scheduled and autommatically shipped orders of the mminiature flora, by the way. I don't expect that we'll need it anymmore.
※ URGENT NOTICE: Do *not* call it a pitch fit. If I were vacillating for you right now, you'd be able to tell. ※ ADDENDUM: And your prongsies are cold.
-- PINNED POST -- You are THE LUNARCH, and you are the uncontested CHAMPION CULLTAKER of Beforan Ethically Subjugated Entity 41014. Mostly because that's KIND OF A THING YOU TRAILBLAZED YOURSELF, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Some trolls like to tell you that CULLING YOUR BELOVED LESSERS is not inherently an Imperial Assignment, and to that you say COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG, BROTATO CHIP. COME TO MY CRANIAL STEM OF THE WOODS AND SEE IF YOU DON'T END UP CULLCHOW. You were practically still in your larval molt when you achieved your wildest dreams of GLOBAL FIDUSPAWN CHAMPIONSHIP. In fact, your status as a COMMODIFIED BEAST ZEALOT shot your wriggler ass straight up the rankings of LUCKY ELITE AGENTS designated worthy of leaving your home planet for the POMON COLONY CLUSTER- the home of the FIDUSPAWN, where they are carefully biomanufactured for WALLET-DEFYING SHOWMANSHIP AND FESTIVITY. 41014 is the TROPICAL SHINING JEWEL of this miniature paradise (within the larger and MOST UNIMPEACHABLE BEFORAN UTOPIA of course) and alongside your beloved STARBAT LUSUS and your MILITARY GRADE FIDUSPAWN, you defend 41014 and its troll inhabitants from INTERDIMENSIONAL HORRORS BEYOND MORTAL COMPREHENSION. You also HOST TOURNAMENTS on the hiveturf in search of BEFORUS' BEST AND BRIGHTEST TRAINERS, and have remained PRETTY FUCKING FAMOUS for bringing the beatdown on and off the battlefield. Frankly, you don't remember or care how the hell they did things before you showed up, because they're FUCKIN' WITH THE BIG BEASTS NOW. It is rare that a purple such as yourself reach a caliber of excellence that they are permitted to oversee more than a small handful of warmerbloods, but you are nothing if not a RECORD-BUSTING MONSTER in all aspects of life. Each of the terrestrial-dwelling inhabitants of 41014 lives, works hard, and PARTIES HARDER under your DOTING STEWARDSHIP. In exchange for your UTTER DEVOTION and INTERPLANETARY CELEBRITY SPONSORSHIP, it seems like a pretty low toll to demand your faithful underlings LOVE, SUPPORT AND TRUST YOU UNCONDITIONALLY. What will you do?
Venturing into hostile territory. #FeltOpening
Christ of yore, I am sucked into this corset. I feel like a can of biscuits busting out of this sucker. No, Unreal Heiress. Don't post that.
Big changes coming! @involuntarilyLulzworthy Your "throne" awaits. :B
꧁@paleHighblood #nsfw #bulgerating #chucklevoodoos #newformat Okay everyone. This is a unique one! The stats basically matter less than they should, which is humiliating to admit, because ordinarily I like numbers to stay where I put them. Strength: 5. Pliability: 7. Length: 6. Girth: 4. X-Factor: 9. Purpleblood, yes. Beforan, yes. Highblood, yes. Still modest. Sorry. The Baronair’s bulge is bullying my pan. It has decent give, better response to attention than force, and a very strange relationship with authority. I do not think it impresses by size. I think it impresses by getting everyone nearby to behave like size was never the most important part. The X-Factor is through chuckleconditioning. Lowbloods, office cullployees, moirails with poor stress management, cullployee host bar applicants, and whatever the Annalist is doing near the desk are all part of the field around it. Try being told to get on the desk near this bulge. You will probably feel better and worse. There's almost a radiating warmth from it. As bleak as this troll can be at times, it makes my pan feel better just communing with it. His bulge is not overly large. That is probably why it has developed an entire office around itself. Cigar smoke. Scotch. Cold slime. Petroleum residue. Expensive chair leather. Stress-sweat. A little panic. Old money pretending it is comfort. It smells like a cigar lounge built inside a recuperacoon, and I regret how much that explains. Taste is bitter smoke, dark sugar, salt, and something medicinal from the cigars. Texture is smooth, warm, and more responsive than the measurements deserve. There is no severe ridge profile, no dramatic purpleblood overdevelopment, no historic caste nightmare hiding under the desk. The underside is sensitive enough to explain the bossiness. Not justify it. Explain. The Baronair is ideal for anyone trying to experience Beforan highblood workplace meionics without being physically overwhelmed. Small. Bossy. Desk-certified. Huskboard-adjacent. Better in a lap than in a joust. Palind Pinnip is for communing. The Baronair is for being managed.꧂
- No No no sir I don't want to hurt you and I amm just THIS pitiful naturally. I pale you. I pale you mmore than anything else - You were mmy favorite client. I pitied you fromm the start yyou know that right - PLEASE DON'T DIG A HOLE A PALIND I'LL DO ANYTHING
- My Baronair., Do you really cast mme away for slights and petty jealously? Me? Your pitiful palecull. Your' Beforan bad boy. Your weathered sickly Prince of the chammpagne tower. Your papper of the mmagic Hands - Please. I don't t know what I will do with mmyself. I'mm 18 sweeps and I've never. had to fill up a scuftle buggy with gas on mmy own. I don't even really know what the thermmosstat does or how to mmake it Work. I've never had to. I amm Helpless. Utterly Helpless. ※ PROPOSAL: Is there anyone on this website that's willing or half-willing to take on a culled, greying rescue oliv e if he breaks up with mme? Serious inquires only.
-Pleeeeasseejhhheeemm mmy Baronairb I would never mmean it sir ※ NOTE : I'mm sorryyyyyyyy".'6yyy One mmoirail for LIFE you know this sirr
Sir please I didn't mmean it like that
- I don't care anymmore whatever size load it is I'll just take it ※ REMINDER: PLEASE. YOU CAN'T UN-CULL ME. Bbaaaabbbeee
- OHHH. Seriously? You don't think I'mm SERIOUS about our vow? So all of those sweeps of being faithful to you while I got asked, *BEGGED* for pile service day after ding-dong freaking DAY mmean nothing to you? - RIGHT. But I'mm not serious the mmomment a bouncier, younger Tsurga shammbles in. Right, don't mmind the fact that our genetic donations have produced at least 5-11 descendants with, potentially, direct heritability. PAY NO MIND to the fact that I've commmmitted to spending the *entirety* of mmy lifespan with YOU, even when I know you'll probably take another mmoirail after I die. - None of that mmatters because I'mm against the idea of training mmy younger, alternate self to do all your favorite tricks. Hmmmm! I wonder why!!!!!!
➡️I have fixed my cravat and am willing to step up where a more weary employee will buckle.➡️ ➡️He must be overworked and overpaid, swallowed in the sea of his own doubt. Cordial Findash placed 4th in his last 100 meter yard gallop, the third consecutive nearfail of his young career. Bad percentages, he won't be favored to win.➡️ ➡️I am both an analytical tactician and host, potential.➡️ ➡️Will they swallow my key all the same.➡️ ➡️Champagne tower.➡️ ➡️Your best friend sips his bubbly. Final song.➡️
※ NOTE: This user is displaying an unseemmly ammount of aggression towards an online stranger. ※ RESOLUTION: Shall we mmediate? c3< ;-)
I WIN EVERY DEBATE. CALIBORN 1. OTHER GuYS 0. CALIBORN WON.