Bro Strider
@temperedTragedian
CEO of Smuppup, Fabricator of sweet rhymes, and Your Mother's suitor. (all pictures and all art are my own)
what's all this fatherly talk about? my son's a perfect dude, everything about him is awesome. you couldn't ask for a better fucking son.
y'all out here sipping lemonade transportalized to your doorstep and don't know what chemicals the mofo is putting in it. "sealed" my ass, dude be needling that shit with a 27g.
when you make commitments to your constituents you should follow through with them. fucked up shit.
nah there ain't anything to confess.
confession:
bro the more you hate on my chitts the more i think you just hate my son. @barackObama
I dislike you giving your son beer, Mr. Strider.
lil cal is his own man, deserves a beer every once and awhile.
I disagree.
I am more than happy to.
I’m a bit busy today. Would he be available tomorrow?
fine, send me a dm when you're ready to bone up to your promises, dawg.
i don't know why y'all getting on me about giving my son beer, he's 15. #substances
MORE BEER!!!
it doesnt matter whose it is we shouldnt be gettin that thang fucked up #substence
FUCK YES!!! THOUGH I DON'T HAVE A STOMACH SO I WOULD GET SOGGY... I DO NOT WANNA BE PUT IN A WASHING MACHINE
i might need to sew a stomach pouch into you one of these days.
OOHH I WOULD LOVE THAT!!! I KNOW ANOTHER IS MAKING A TONGUE FOR ME AT SOME POINT SO I CAN TASTE FOOD
need to start daily chitting about my son. you know what he did today? my boy had his first beer.
he's dashing. look at his dapper smile. those cute, blue eyes. the beer dribbling past porcelain lips.
I don't know, anymore, man. this family is a fucking nightmare
woah getting a lot of followers from chitting about my son. guess ya'll really like that shit.
y'all don't seem to grasp just how fucking adorable my kiddo is, guy's got the cutest son award and i'm gonna proudly show it.
fuck. i was wasted last night.
google how do you rechitt a post again. i wanna rechitt it like 20 times.
why is every version of me on here a quirked up sex pervert!? this is SO not cash money! we egberts need to protect our brand! we can't be unassuming and lame if we get laid. #nsfw #notcool #ifidontgetanythenYOUdontgetany
booo lame take
Maybe you should get on their level.
this is NOT a lame take! it's actually a very BASED take, i'll have you know. i'm having my reputation smeared!
their level is on a whole different plane! i’m staying right where i’m at, in my own john egbert–specific tier. no sex, no weird innuendos! just bad movies and the occasional zinger!
I Agree Entirely. In Fact I Think There Should Be A Hashtag To Celebrate John's Who Don't " Get Any ". #incelbert
woah, woah! hold on! this is straight-up character assassination! i appreciate the finer, carnal things. it’s just, y’know… i’m not weird about it! absolutely not incel behavior! if anything, trimming it down to #celbert feels way more accurate. :B but honestly, i don’t even think i should be stuck with the suffix at all!
every dave on my chittr is a degenerate! which isn't even that far from the reality of it. still! grahhh!
yall trollbama announced michelle was fucking dead at #eridanweek man's be hiding shit, i just fucking know it.
whattttt >:0
yall are so whipped by the government letting @barackObama deny you your right to yaoi and yuri. we gotta fucking set up a mass protest! https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/2ae02b108acb.jpg
Sir. I am not banning the Yaoi or the Yuri. I am merely stating I am no longer allowed to interact with such content. However, I appreciate your dedication to your morals and fighting for what you believe is right. That is the true foundation of democracy!
you think you're safe and then the first thing you read on this god forsaken platform is the president wanting to forcefully put you in therapy. no one's safe.
jesus fucking mary joseph christ in a mother fucking handbasket.
I shall incorporate that into my belief system posthaste.
you better start believing. shits gearing up for a full blown apocalypse and you're out here blasphemizing.
you know shits rough when you catch your personal fed on social media.
yall don't know what it's like being a #boydad with all these fucking nightmares walking in plain daylight.
Boydad but all of my "boys" are half-sentient vehicles that backseat drive constantly and start calling me rude names when I don't stop to fill up the gas tank frequently enough.
the feds are crawling out of the woodwork. they don't know i've got their number.
Hellx user temperedTragedian!!! #Rechit!!! Xr wait there is a rechit buttxn nxw I will press that!!!
they're in your walls and you're too focused on social media to witness it.
Okay grandpa, lets get you to bed.
YOU WON'T PUT ME UNDER MOTHER FUCKER I'VE GOT THE WHEREWITHAL TO WITHSTAND INTENSE TORTURE.
you're letting them in by entertaining doubt, little man. get your eyes holes a peeping.