Dirk Strider
@timaeusTestified
If you got any business sending me business inquiries, you know where to put 'em. Direct other bullshit elsewhere.
>([an observation] #ttps://cdn.imgc#est.com/files/b1b2044585fb.png]
An observation of delusion?
8===D < Rarity and I are e%ceedingly gratefoal to the proprietors of #PlushRump for this clopportunity. #Plush #MLP #Clopping #WaifuWednesday @technicallyTimaeus @timaeusTestified#0414
I'll be expecting you in my office in the coming days for a little coaching on your technique. And a little routine litigation. Not bad for an amateur, though; these numbers are solid. Keep it up.
8==D < Yes sir! 8==D < I think you c001d do me well! 8===D < Your coaching, I mean, sir.
That too.
8=D < Rarity 100ks so mare-velous in her new tack. #WaifuWednesday #MLP #HoofbeastPlay #Pony
I never do this, but you would make a one-of-a-kind brand ambassador. A free trial of #PlushRump is waiting for you in the DMs. Just remember to cancel or start contributing content before that time’s up, or you’re getting auto-billed $69.99 per perigee. Also, upholstery cleaner should get those stains out. Pro tip.
8=D < Oh hoovens! I hoof never been a brand ambassador before. 8==D < It sounds like quite the clopportunity to put on a pony show! 8=D < I will be shire to try upholstery cleaner, I want Rarity to 100k perfect if we are going to put on a show!
What my colleague fails to mention is that there are certain viewership metric minimums you'll be required to surpass in order to maintain such a coveted status. Not to worry, however. I'm not one to throw a filly-eyed prospective debutante to the audience of wolves without something resembling a rescue glide. Get that first video uploaded before the free trial ends, and you'll have some new toys and costars to play with. Be sure to install HAL on your designated work device.
WEDDING BANDS. Refreshing and narrowing down the prospective selection of wedding bands onto which I'll stack the eventual engagement ring, and thought I may share my journey with you all as I peruse! For YEARS I have been unable to strike candidates from this collection for love nor money, and have paid no small sum to withhold these exact pieces from mass production. :| Simply been waiting on the right fellow to finally decide to make his appearance! But who bellyaches over a divot in their wallet! Not me! I have dough aplenty to replenish the Future-Mr.-Crocker Wedding Fund!!! Anyhow. Somewhat torn between the traditional yellow gold and the white-gold platinum of the base metal. They could be red-plated, obviously, but once we've finished plating a PLATINUM RING in red tungsten carbide, why don't we mosey on out to the garage and begin slapping bumper stickers from Spencer's Gifts onto the rump end of all my cars? ... I am also open to interviewing designers who may potentially design a custom piece for the band, given they're available immediately and complete the prerequisite legal portion of the agreement wherein they withhold the design as mine alone in perpetuity. So the rings. I try not to faff with the encrustment of diminutive jewels on a piece of jewelry. Flash your rock or don't bother. However, it has been suggested to me that said crumbs contribute to the overall harmony of the design, so whatever. There are a selection of pieces from Troll Roman Malakov, Troll Cartier, and Troll Harry Winston. Which on Alternia I would imagine might have suggested a GUARANTEE of maximum cruelty to bloodstain the tapestry of the piece's storied production. But on Earth-C means the cultural niche of the company is plain old derivative. You know what they say. Those who can't DO... copy. At least on Earth-C. My current through process is such- that of the all-white diamond sets in selection, each could potentially be rendered in red diamond just as easily. Within the sets containing a secondary color diamond, presume the final stone will be red. And keep in mind the metal of each piece may be yellow gold just as easily as the white platinum. I'm not much for the pear cuts this evening in particular. They seem diminutive, like cuts scraping for efficient distribution of a larger raw stone in a budget. And of the rectangular cuts, the Radiance cut (note the numerous facets) may attempt to hide some minor impurities. It's the Emerald cut that feels the most timeless in this scenario. Wide, welcoming facets that invite you to peer within, like a hall of mirrors. Even those of you unfamiliar may be able to detect which ring I mean. #Wedding #WeddingPlanning #Eventually #FutureHubby #BigPlans
I've argued before and I'll argue again; anybody who can't afford one of these on their own isn't fit to carry the weight behind the ice. Number four.
You don't marry husbands for the money, buster! You marry them for absolute devotion from the threadbare fabric of their very psyche.
Obviously. But doth not the thickness of his wallet indicate something about the quality of his devotion? What good is a man if he can't dedicate himself to a purpose in life? The purpose of maintaining at least four digits in his bank account?
I daresay to fill his coffers he need only come to mama.
Fair enough.
｢kirai.(｀_´) let me tell kyu how much megane-san has come to kirai responder-chan since boku began to live. (｀ヘ´)there are 387.44 million miles of #waifuifications drawn on wafer thin pages that fill his tonneru.(｀ロ´;) if the word kirai was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate megane-san feels for responder-chan @technicallyTimaeus at this micro-instant.(｀皿´) kirai. KIRAI. ( :ﾟ皿ﾟ)｣ ｢megane-san kirais this waifu syo much that he can't stop looking at her!! Σ(￣皿￣;;) nyahthing about this kyutiegirl is remarkable! (o･｀Д´･o) responder-chan is busujoshi (｀ε´ ) bleugh!｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: WARNING! THIS DOUJINSHI CONTAINS #NSFW CONTENT! (*ゝω･*) kirai means HATE!!! (Ｏﾟ皿ﾟＯ) GYAHHH!!! responder-chan was syo mean to megane about ai-chan, he nearly activated his....𝖉𝖊𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖎𝖈 𝖐𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖗 𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉... g-gyah! (；゜_゜) megane-san had to work exxxtra hard to hold it in! (；´_ゝ`) for the safety of eburybody on chittr... megane-san's power is contained within him like the nine-tailed yipbeast... (;｀･ω･)ﾉ tonneru means tunnel hive, where megane lives! ( ￣ー￣) busujoshi means hideous bitch.]
@technicallyTimaeus I warned you that this would happen if you continued to frolic in the red-light back-alley districts of cynical femboy baiting.
Is that...? It sure is. @caligulaAscendit @timaeusTestified#0414 @centaursTurmoil. #Fincel vs. #TheWhiteMonster. You'll never guess how this match ends. See more unscripted content like the #BoysNight #LiveStream on #PlushRump. Subscribers only.
Don't forget to document what happened directly after this was taken.
I wvould like to wvish a late happy "prideful perigee" to the sodomites. Continue to livwe your life of sin. Be unapologetic in wvho you lowve, and do not let yourself be controlled by another. [[OOC NOTE: I THE MUN DO NOT SUPPORT HIS WVORD USAGE. HAPPY PRIDE MONTH TO ALL <333]]
We call them ██████s now, pops. EDIT: So much for free speech. I can literally say it. #TransitiveProperty. @timaeusTestified#0414.
You sure can. Whether or not you need to is another matter.
it cant everrrrrr be a fukken hi with this guy i swear to god
Hi.
Wow. Fuck. Need a breakfast burrito.
The yoke of greatness is weightless when you're built to wear it like I am.
This platform's user base has me so dadgum paranoid that I just stopped dead in my tracks with my finger hovering over the "send" button on a PERFECTLY innocuous post concerning my new pedicure. On second thought. You don't need to see that. <:| #Perverts #Freaks And other various #SexualMiscreants
ain't no need for me to be mad. I DONE ALREADY SEEN EM ;)
GET OUT OF MY VENTS.
honk honk. BUT YOU JUST DONE SPRAYED YOUR PERFUME ON YOUR BAD SELF LIKE AN ALLEY CAT SPRITZING THE COBBLESTONES SO HOW IS A MOTHER FUCKER SUPPOSED TO ALL UP AND IGNORE THAT NICE SMELL? what is that? THAT HUMAN BITCH GIVENCHY?
YOU KNOW I DON'T BUY SCENT OFF THE RACK YOU STUPID SOCKHUFFING CRETIN GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!
i mother fucking resent that. I DIDN'T HUFF YOUR DAMN SOCKS. i just chewed them a little.
I wasn't aware that you filed for temporary leave from Dirk Strider's Dick Fight Dojo Island. You know what happens to bros caught past curfew.
oh fuck bro. NAH I'M GONNA MAKE IT BACK BY CURFEW TRUST. aw shit bro. NOT THE DOUBLE BRO NELSON.
You, me, and one Dirkbot for every minute you're late. Be ready to ride this train.
I HAVE SET MY BANNER TO THE STATUESQUE VISAGE OF NONE OTHER THAN BING CROSBY, A GENTLEMAN AND SCHOLAR FROM A BYGONE WORLD. UNFORTUNATELY, I CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO SHOW HIM IN FULL, AND @TIMAEUSTESTIFIED#0414 HAS ALREADY GONE HOME. I WILL FIX THIS LATER.
I'll get my assistant on it.
Happy Father's Day! :B I am fortunate to have been raised by a man of such esteem that it occasionally appears he was downright MADE to be a dad! (Though I suspect this must be mere coincidence, and a symptom of how effortlessly he has taken on the mantle of responsibility. Hmmmm.) It warms my heart to recount the numerous ways in which I witnessed my father try to curry my favor by way of relatability, all the while relegating his own true cornball passions to the back burner. His attempts to reach my stubborn teenage ego burst forth from his poor gentle heart, not at all unlike the spring-snakes at the bottom of a tube of fake peanut brittle. #girldad As an aspirational future parent myself, I can only hope to achieve a fraction of this success. If I'm half as good a mom as he was a dad, my own children will be at least half as great as their mother. :B And really, at a certain point we must set a reasonable threshold of expectation. What was I saying? Oh, yes. Happy Father's Day, Dad. You are a pillar of masculinity and you starch a button-down like you were born in the back of a dry cleaner. In my circle, it is a doggone novelty to even have a parent simultaneously living and respectable enough to maintain regular contact. That being said, I've added a new rotation to your security detail. Don't forget to check in with my office scheduler for your next routine healing. @timaeusTestified#0414 Can you coordinate his next appointment. He's looking a little pruned, lately. Love you, Dad!
In addition to the one scheduled for July third?
That works.
Forwarded: "LOVE YOU, PUMPKIN."
I have been beseeched to inform you that, like any other night, should your evening arrangements not run too long, you're welcome to join him. For tonight specifically, you're welcome to join the two of us for dinner at El Celler de Can Roca.
꧁hffff happy fathers day @technicallyTimaeus꧂
BTW, this should explain every expense marked 'Child Support,' @timaeusTestified#0414. Also, my bastard child proves once and for all that I am more virile than you. Tough break.
They should be more properly filed under "Dependent Expenses," or at the very least "Employee Salary." Given that they are both an adult and employed under you, and therefor me. You can have your little expenditures, but get your t's and i's crossed and dotted right. Lord.
I guess you can have your own post, too. When else can one celebrate the piece of shit who brought them into the world and immediately regretted it. Happy Father's Day, @timaeusTestified#0414.
You're your own creator, non-nuts. The overlap between myself and anything resembling a father vis a vis your creation is zilch.