♠ hated by @avaraciousInfovore
People always think II'm going two kill them. II may threaten someone but that doesn't mean II'm really going two DO it. A girl can't play around?! II thought we liked the thrill, here!!! Siiigh.
You saw nothing.
So, um... by any chance... would anyone who is... experienced in blackrom... like two uh... answer some questions for me...? For science. #science
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I!!!!! YOU!!!!! UGH!!!!!
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 6: alternian vwantas #notgay #nsfwv #nsfvwe #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #casteplay #hemoism #cagttl hear me out. infinite timelines infinite possibilities. and in many of them karkat is a hot babe. there are a lotta iterations, im gonna default to using the name kat, because thats the cutest nickname for her. this is *not* about dudekats, okay? this is about bbwv cutie mutie tsunderes. thats vwhat vwere here for, okay? this is some rule 63 shit. is that problematic to say? ehh wvhatewver. vwere gonna talk about hovw to get into the swveatpants of a girlkat. first order of business: if she aint at least curwvy, back off, iwve newver seen a skinny kat vwhos up for anything. youre looking a girl wvith meat on her bones. chubby cheeks too, preferably constantly blushing wvhenewver you say anything to her. if she starts on a super long and gross rant before you ewven start touching her up then shes probably a lost cause. vwhat wvere looking for is the sorta vwindbag wvholl say a lotta nothing and get herself vworked up, but doesnt actually argue vwith anything you say. she might evwen be outright flattered but tell you to piss off anyvways. dont let up. kats are usually pretty receptiwve to the wvombo combo of feeling em up vwhile wvhispering all sorts of swveet nothings in her ear at the same time. makes em melt. on that note, some of the adwvice here is similar for vwhat i said for aradia. kats a mutie, bright red blood, spoiler vwarning, sorry. makes her the perfect sub for some casteplay. pretty much all of em are secretly into it, sometimes so secretly evwen they dont knowv about it. say enough about like, their bodys real purpose, or hovw theyre meant to serwve highbloods, or vwhatevwer other shit pops into your pan, and shell be all yours. this gal is total cullbait, in the beforan sense, obwviously. shes wvound all nice and tight, she just wvants to be taken care of. i dont wvanna giwve eridans too much credit, but you see that one pic of a kar and eridan floating around, the proud grub raisers? yeah, thats basically any girlkats vwet dream. shovw her you can giwve that to her. okay, but vwhats your in? wvell, theyll tolerate more than youd expect, because they cravwe material to insult you ovwer. be unashamed, be seedy, let her get comfortable. she already assumes youre a loser, dont dissuade her of that until its too late. no one really listens to her yap, so you gotta pretend to listen. maybe giwve her an honest compliment about hovw clewver she is, as honest as you can manage anywvays, that alvways kills. she knovws her team doesnt respect her. be the slightly older masculine figure that showvs her respect, and listens to her, and thinks shes so cool, and oop youvwe got your hands up her svweater and shes ready to say please. [my legal team redacted parts of the next para, im vworking on rectifying this wvith em] novw uhh, this last bit, dunno if i can ewven say it. like, legally speaking. just... karkats tend to havwe some █████ ████████████ vwith ██████. you can use that. this comes up like, a lot vwith karkats. its the ████ ████ as the █████ █████, shovw her ████ ███ ██████ ████ ███ ██████. shes ███████ █████ ███████ ████, make her ███ ██ ███. shes ███████ ██ ███ ████, make her feel good, make her ██████████ ███ ██████ █████. shell be so much happier ██ ███ ███████ ████ ████ █ ████, ██ ███ ███████ ████ shes your girl. a collar goes wvell vwith any girl, ███ ████ ████ ██████████. ███ ███ ██ ███ shell be in lovwe wvith you forevwer. cutie mutie ratings bod: the good ones are alwvays chubby. not alvways my thing, but damn she makes it vwork. they dress frumpy too but again, she makes it wvork. a kat in leggings alvways gets me. 8/10 vwvwariety: as much as i enjoy her, youll go owver the same beats again and again. theyre fun beats, but like... i dunno, if more of em could yap this wvould be higher. 7/10 ease: holy shit for all her posturing shes the most sensitivwe troll there is. one touch and shell wvanna fall to her knees. 10/10 personality: get some earplugs. absolutely adorable, and i lowve breaking dovwn the angry types into blushing ingenues, but it can still be a bit much. 7/10 owverall: 8/10. for all my nitpicks, vwhat i am really complaining about? girlkats a busty mutant vwith a fat ass and loads of hemospectrum related issues that you can svwoop in to exploit. alwvays a rare treat.
Ahh... sleepy... finally...
Pffffft. Mine isn't just any old manor. Why don't you break in and find out? Oh, wait—you can't. Not without meeeee! :) <3
You do sound sincere like this. Ohhh, poor you!
You're just jealous. This manor knows who it lets in. 💅
Ahaha... you. What a charmer you are, aren't you. II'll have you know my quarters are much more opulent than necessary.
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 2: jade harley #nsfwv #nsfvwe #petplay #dubcon #cagttl yes. ear scritches vwork. lets just get that outta the wvay. i hawve newver, and i mean newver, met a jade wvho didnt melt for this. try scratching at the base of the tail too, just abovwe it, they lovwe that shit. sure youll sometimes find non-dog jades, but thats pretty damn rare. they alwvays go for the petplay stuff too, like, evwen if youre pretty wvanilla you shouldnt hawve a problem tossing out a good girl or good puppy, thatll get her wvagging like crazy. you a little more advwenturous? collar, maybe ewven leash. i alwvays keep a wviolet collar on me for emergencies like this, you should get into the habit of carrying one vwith your color on it. real nice shorthand for establishing wvhos the boss. okay, nowv for the nitty gritty. thats a stupid fucking phrase, nitty gritty. anywvays, there are a fewv types of jade i see. the easiest, but maybe the most boring, are the innocent jades. bright eyed, bushy tailed, dumber than a doorknob. theyll do vwhat you say, beliewve wvhat you say, and lowve evwery second of it. you dont need a guide for her, cmon, just be confident and take vwhat you wvant, shell thank you for it. so a bit tougher are like... dunno hovw to describe em, exactly. theyll turn into the first type of jade wvith some lovwing, but theyre like a real person at first. usually still swveet and bubbly, but theyvwe got some brains. thats vwhere you attack. see, in my experience, jades hate hawving brains. underneath all that genki girl shit, shes like, sad and stuff. shes super smart, and powverful, and hard on herself because she dont think shes enough. you cant let her think shes enough, obwviously, except enough to be your cute lil pet. you gotta help her get into the right mindspace to shut her brain off. givwe her praise, offer her help, unload as much of her mental load onto yourself as you can. appeal to that puppy part of her, its alwvays powverful. she might yip a lil, but her barks vworse than her bite. actually, thats not true, dealing wvith jades has backfired on me once or twvice, but its usually still vworth it. just as an addendum, jades arent as freaky as roses, but they still tend to be pretty freaky. youll nevwer hawve to push em as much, theyre like, in constant heat or something. try letting them get a good wvhiff of you, that wvorks for some of em. but yeah, they lowve getting themselvwes into situations vwhere theyll havwe to do wvhat you say, so take advwantage of that, obwviously. for not being magic gals i find them messed up vweirdly a lot, do wvith that wvhat you wvill. also, theres that vwhole grimdark thing. dont think ivwe ewver taken adwvantage of it myself, but theres gotta be something to that, right? also, if youre a bronze? good for you pal, you knowv vwhat to do. rating time bod: jades tend curwvier, sometimes wvay too much. you vwouldnt think thats possible, but it is. still, cant complain too much about getting more to hold, if you knovw wvhat im saying. sometimes theyre buff vwhich is fine, but just not really my thing 8/10 vwariety: the puppy play is fun and all, but its pretty much vwhat youre gonna get out of a jade. 5/10 ease: jades are so fuckin easy <3 the scritches are all you need most of the time 9/10 personality: can get a lil annoying and i prefer a bit more meat to my convwersations, but its hard to go vwrong wvith a cutie wvho vwants you bad 8/10 ovwerall? 8/10. im alvways happy to see a jade since i knowv im gonna havwe a fun time wvith her. only real problem is that a lotta jades just arent my thing, but those gals wvill make it real obwvious real quick, so its easy to wveed em out. wvoof vwoof.
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 1: rose lalonde #nsfwv #nsfvwe #substance #dubcon #cagttl first in my kinda arbitrary order is rose lalonde, rosie, blondie, cutest babe to evwer scovwl at me. trunkbeast in the block, yeah youre gonna need one into dudes, but thats more common that youd think. wveirdly more common than some of the other gals into gals, ewven. second point of order, roses are freaks. ewvery single one, iwve newver met one that isnt. this means that youvwe got an in, but not necessarily an easy one. youvwe gotta prowve to her that you can provwide wvhat her owvn fucked up pan vwants. usually this means dealing wvith her lusus issues. she wvants a masculine figure to giwve control to so that she can pretend like she isnt messed up about mommy. her loss is your gain. theyre also usually drinking too much of the seer juice, so doing stuff they vwouldnt expect is a good in. that or shes drinking the soporifics, dont see this one super often, but the vway to take advwantage of that is obwvious. wvhatewver it is, just position yourself as someone she can giwve control to. a fawvorite line of mine is "wvhos gonna believwe me anyvways?" my personal fawvorite is the "oh no please dont" style rose. this is the one that showvs off wvhat shes got, puts herself into situations, but acts frosty anywvays. think of her like a meovwbeast. you cant come on too quick, you gotta let her come to you, figure out vwhat she wvants. a good compliment vwill usually set her off in the right wvay, preferably something crass as possible to immediately get her off-balance. tits or ass wvorks, though some vwont be impressed by that, so get creatiwve! once youwve got her on the defensiwve you can figure out vwhat her thing is. does she get off to the shame of being seen around a dude like you? do her knees go vweak at the idea of taking orders? cant handle some trollhandling? shell hiss and scratch a little, but keep up the pressure and shell crack. shell get all blushy evwen as she snarks, and shell call you a creep but she wvont stop you. these ones lowve getting taken somewvhere priwvate to "chevw you out" wvhen really they just wvant an excuse to giwve you the chance to feel em up evwen more obwviously. then youwve got the magic dabblers. magic is fake as hell, obvwiously, i think vwhat they technically do is majykks or howvevwer you spell it. doesnt matter. these ones are bored as hell and theyre wvilling to make it just about anyones, uhh... the opposite of a problem. you see a rose thinking about testing a spell from some spooky tome on herself, encourage it, shes one of these. if they can find some excuse to giwve you the reins, they wvill. find a vway to justify your ovwn magical acumen. these are usually the type wvho wvanna givwe up control, wvanna stop thinking, so take charge and giwve that to em. i think if you leawve any rose alone vwith an esoteric tome long enough she becomes one of these, so go for it if thats vwhat youre into. if youvwe got a rose vwho doesnt seem to fall into either category, but youre sure she could like dudes, then you gotta mold her yourself. make jabs at her competence, emphasize hovw easy it is for you to push her around physically, make her feel small. shell push back, but youre prodding at stuff shes already thinking about herself. shell nevwer accept you as her equal so you gotta tear her dovwn until shes about to implode, then offer yourself as a shoulder to cry on. a confidante. she can trust you, vwho wvould you tell, vwho wvould believwe you? then you make your mowve. make her feel useful, use her, make her think that givwing you her body is just as good as wvovwing you wvith her mind. you gotta be her rock. the genetic predisposition to soporifics abuse is a great help here. shes used to feeling this wvay, ewven if she cant admit it, you gotta make it feel good. make her associate this state vwith pleasure, wvith you. if you can do that, youvwe got her in the palm of your hand. alright, time for the rating bod: roses havwe a lotta wvariance, ivwe seen em scrawvny and iwve seen em curvwy as hell. bonus points for being blonde and making the best faces vwhen theyre mad. 8/10 vwariety: 9/10 you can get a rose for just about any mood you might havwe, but theyll usually act grumpy about it ease: you gotta wvork a little bit to make a rose put out, but theyre usually entertaining enough its not frustrating. 6/10 personality: i lovwe em for their rambling, makes for fun banter, but i can see hovw itd put some people off. the ice queen schtick really does it for me those 7/10 ovwerall? ten outta ten babes, cant complain. im alwvays happy to see a nevw rosie in the bubbles and figure out her deal. usually her deal ends up being an unhealthy obsession vwith xeno-biology
Hmph. Someone really ought two teach some of the scoundrels on here how two court a lady properly. Where's the charisma! My eyes are nearly ROLLING out of my head. #VAGUESTofVagueposts #EYEROLLING
▼you want me so bad it makes you look stupid▲ ▼fucking no life loser▲
▼ew no, the cute one▲
▲I wonder if I can modify my fangs...▼ ▲theyre way too mainstream in the caverns▼
▲I think the only thing that could get me to quit smoking is if Lynera started doing it▼ ▲crazy how shes lame enough to make it uncool all on her own▼
rea11y hate the initia1 fee1ing here. there'z gapz in my pan where inf0rmati0n uzed t0 f10w. my th0ughtz fee1 z10wer. my b0dy fee1z m0re 1imited. i am z0ft f1ezh and b100d and b0ne n0w, n0t an arm0ured behem0th. my vizi0n iz n0t c10uded with inf0rmati0n but a1z0 i can't zee az far az i uzed t0. i mizzed the c010urz i c0u1d zcan. i try t0 accezz a fi1e and the pathway t0 d0 z0 iz there but it 1eadz n0where. it'z 1ike they carved 0ut part 0f my thinkpan when they t00k me 0ff the pr0ngz. there'z zpacez where the c0de iz meant t0 be, but the c0de izn't there. #h0rr0r juzt in caze #nzfw kinda
>--D=I=think=so=I=mean=my=friend=makes=fun=of=me=for=not=having=any=bitches=which=I=assume=is=meant=to=be=the=other=definition=of=that=word=given=he=isn't=attracted=to=barkbeast=females=:?//<
this one wwill livve she has to i cant lose her
>--D=Do=you=guys=know=of=any=like=super=powerful=herbacides=that=could=be=used=on=a=theoretically=super==dangerous=forests=vegetation=:?//<
▼▼▼go fuck yourself bitch▲▲▲
1 have the wh1mper aud1os saved to my palmhusk, keep talk1ng sh1t and 1’m post1ng them onl1ne 𓂃۶ৎ
Compla1n all you want, but 1’m your favor1te and you know 1t~ Wh1ne about 1t some more for me, won’t you?? You’re prett1er when you’re cry1ng. 𓂃۶ৎ
I'm just being myself! Honest!
Thanks @voraciousInfovore for being my #1 chittr reactor!
vV Looking at pictures of newly born grubs makes my pusher fill with such good feelings! They're so cute!!!! Vv
Oh thanks? :^O
Good news! My cavern mates enjoyed my baked goods! :^D
▲update on the date, she did pull out a ukulele and will be dealt with▼
correct
♰ at least we.. didn't have to go far from your kitchen.. either way you played along well :) model: @atomizedHobbyist #gore #nsfwe https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/82ca96753db5.png ♰
You know damn well that hav1ng me 1n your p1tch quadrant w1ll actually 1mprove your reputat1on because 1’m a fuchs1a. Don’t act l1ke you’ve never enjoyed the benef1ts that come w1th be1ng chosen by me~ 𓂃۶ৎ
1 love when people threaten me w1th vague, unassum1ng words. L1ke, yes, make me weak 1n the knees and scared for whatever retr1but1on 1s to come my way for my baaad bad behav1or. Just the thought gets my nook soaked. 1’ll be a good g1rl, maybe, 1 prom1se~ #nsfw 𓂃۶ৎ
◥▶◀◤ —> This lewd behavior is best kept in your private messages. I am just here to appreciate physique.
You say that now, but 1’ve never heard you compla1n about 1ts texture when we’re four pa1ls deep and 1’m suck1ng your bulge t1l you sea stars #nsfw 𓂃۶ৎ
1 never sa1d there was anyth1ng wrong w1th th1cker phys1ques, just wanted to know wh1ch k1nd we were talk1ng about. That’s all. Both are def1n1tely appeal1ng, but 1 prefer someth1ng smoother, makes 1t eas1er for feel the sk1n shudder when 1 run my tongue or f1ngers across them. @vorac1ous1nfovore you know what 1’m talk1ng about, r1ght~? ;) #nsfw 𓂃۶ৎ
Or you could just come deal w1th me l1ke you’re SUPPOSED to, or are you too “busy” w1th your “cl1entele” #eyeroll 𓂃۶ৎ
Yes 1t’s my real ha1r — unl1ke some people, 1 actually take rather good care of my ha1r so 1t’s s1lky and beaut1ful, regardless of how 1nconven1ent the length 1s when 1t comes t1me for my performances. Though 1 doubt you’re educated enough to even apprec1ate the beauty of Troll Ballet and the magn1f1cence that such an art enta1ls. 𓂃۶ৎ
@vorac1ous1nfovore pay attent1on to meeeeee D:< Do you not real1ze how lucky you are to get to pa1l someone as hot as me on a da1ly bas1s?? At least have some respect and qu1t 1gnor1ng me on th1s stup1d s1te 1 swear to gog you’re p1ss1ng me off >:( #nsfw 𓂃۶ৎ
Jo1ned th1s stup1d s1te so my matespr1t would pay attent1on to me, but no, turns out he’s out here mak1ng vague references to quadrants w1th other people 1 w1ll cull you #v1olence Do NOT touch what 1s M1NE Th1s 1s an off1c1al decree #he1ressth1ngs 𓂃۶ৎ
That is s♥︎ gr♥︎ss and disturbeeing — why w♥︎uld y♥︎u say that. Jeez, y♥︎u tw♥︎ are like made f♥︎r each ♥︎ther.
believe me my throat is well trained
ive spoken to some trolls who really fetishize human bulges but i havent spoken personally to a human who is obsessed with bulge and also nook as well but im mainly talking about bulge (tags, Human/Troll, bulge and nook, human bulge, dick as one would call it, cock as one would call it, anatomy, #nsfw, alien anatomy, archive rating: M)
▼▼▼how the fuck does bronya have a higher kull score than me this is total hoofbeast shit▲▲▲
▼speak for yourself i put cigarettes out on my pitch partners▲
▲sucks having to save the best thoughts for when the site has people in it, but probably better to just thirst trap everyone instead of only you freaks▼
▲turns out if you just act mean to everyone in the right way they all wanna pail you go figure #nsfw▼
I don't think you get what platonic means.
ddo you think his suit smells good (tags: The Rankmaid/Vagueposting, newcomer on the timeline, well dressed, archive rating: T)