♣ mediated by @caligulasAntithesis

cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 19: alternian milwves #milf #nsfwv #nsfwve #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #cagttl so heres the thing about the wversions of me and my crewv wvho grevw up on alternia. theres like, a couple dozen of me, a dozen meenahs, and then like... a handful of the others, thats it. so im gonna bunch em all together in one big batch, wvell see hovw it goes. i dont hawve an awvful lot to say about most of these gals, but like... god damn. wve lovwe us some milwves. damara, the handmaid. depending on, either shes lowvkey chill wvith it, or you need to look at the damara part of this guide. shes a scary gal, my adwvice for those is to treat it like youre facing up a cholerbear. showv respect, no sudden movwements, but no fear either. compliment her, objectify her, but dont go in for the kill unless youre sure she vwont rip your head off. i havwe the luxury of already being dead, i can push these things more. due to her serwvitude to the wvhite guy, handmaids tend to come hardwvired for obedience, you can do something vwith that. bod: 10/10. rusties are hot, shes got damaras face but shes usually got some actual meat on her bones. mines an exception, but shes cute anyvways. vwariety: 7/10. one of the more vwaried outta this group, anyvways. shes got twvo wvhole personality possibilities! ease: 6/10. depends on her mood and howv scary she feels like being. personality: i prefer damz, and yes @handmaid i count you more as a damz than a handmaid. thats a compliment, take it, youre more interesting than most of these hags. owverall: 8/10. hot as hell, fun to mess wvith her head, but nothing special. shout-out to the one fucked in the head enough i put her under wvith just a massage and a couple of choice wvords. next up, meulin, the disciple. ehh... see her around sometimes, hard for me to get a read on her. shes like... a more chill vwersion of meulin? shes dating some cult leader so theres a cheating angle sometimes, but it usually doesnt come up. in my experience theyre looking to be someones kitty cat, but she has a bit more fight in her than most leijons bod: 7/10. nevwer really got a consistent read. usually more lithe outta the milvwes, but still a milf. vwariety: 3/10. theyre just samey to me, the fevw out there run together. ease: 7/10. tends to be easy to flatter, enjoys the attention of a younger fella, it vwont be hard. personality: 6/10. wvhats there to say? shes meulin but quieter and fewver mental issues. ovwerall: 5/10. honestly i tend to skip these ones, just aint my thing. dunno vwhat it is, i just dont vwibe wvith her. up next, porrim the dolorosa. oh honey. her personality is milf. thats it. she wvants to mommydom or mommysub. nurturing? boring. bod: 9/10. platonic ideal of a milf. wvariety: 3/10. shes a milf. ease: 9/10. remind her that shes a milf and shell drop em. personality: 3/10. vwhere? owverall: 5/10. a real nothingburger. youll newver meet one vwho doesnt just vwanna smother you wvith her tits and call you her svweet little thing. great if thats your thing, but... i prefer it wvhen porrim has a brain and personality, if you could believwe it. #feminism #malefeminist latula, neophyte redglare? that sounds fake and made up. probably dommy but likes ropes? literally newver seen one. stick wvith terezi. nowv heres a juicy one. aranea, mindfang herself. a lot more like vwriska than rae rae, superficially anywvays. a lot of these tough gals are paper tigers, but i dunno if ivwe evwer met a mindfing wvho folded. if youre gonna shoot for her, i think you gotta accept that being vwith a pirate means some pegging. shes fun, shes clewver, shes got jokes, but... eh, just hope shes in a mind control kinda mood so you dont evwen hawve to wvorry about messing up. bod: 7/10. hot pirate babe? tits and ass like an 8? its wvhat you expect, though honestly she runs leaner. wvariety: 4/10. shes got too defined a role to do anything else. ease: 3/10. oh yeah, shell make you vwork for it. at least to top, if youre pathetic and cute enough shell bottom, but lets be honest, if she wvanted to do that shed just be vwriska. personality: 5/10. she sure is wvriska vwithout the interesting bits. owverall: 4/10. maybe id respect it more if i found any that gavwe me good banter, but like... im dualscar junior to them, shes aranea senior to me, vwe just aint compatible and thats okay. /\/\/ /\/\/ alright and thats all the alternian wversions of my friend group! not gonna do the beforan wversions of the other gals, not enough meat on them bones, best i got is i made a nepeta mantle muckrake once, but- vwhats that? vwhats that sound? oh cod, oh shell no... tuna in next time to learn hovw evwen a stupid chud like *you* can bag the condesce hershelf! (you probably vwont, but i could and thats vwhat matters)

rare dated peek at where the magic happens. #qudposting
look normally i dont do this sort a thin but i feel a moral obligation to say somethin if i can prevvent just one eri from goin dowwn this checkered dual themed path a debauchery i can rest easy tolight this isnt in your pusher eri i knoww wwhat its like to be desperate enough to settle for just anybody to savve you from the crawwlin depths a relationless abaddon but this aint it youre a sad lonely little wwanker wwho doesnt knoww any better an thats wwhy the univverse sent me to be your guardian brocel to guide you you dont wwant that pissblood mutant this is a cry for help but you can make it better you can make the pain disappear if you just swwalloww this pill

yeah I think he's flirting.
i joep erdian nd karkat have the best whatever the fuck their doing ever :3

are humans still allowed

