Colonel Sassacre (death by jigsaw)
@colonelSassacre
You can't reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.
ENEMY LIST: 1. @colonelSassacre was behind the geese 2. Guy who invented not being able to buy just one egg you have to buy the whole carton 3. Whoever invented eating two spaghetti meals 4. Whoever made coffee more than a dime 5. The geese (conquered)
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/KUUREE.PNG I FEARED I'D NEVER HAVE TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS BUT I FEAR I MUST MAKE A POST WARNING THE KIND SWEET NORMAL PEOPLE OF CHITTR.ING.COM @NORMALPUPPET HAS TRAGICALLY GONE FULL JONKER. IF YOU SEE THIS SICK AND TWISTED TRICYCLE PATH PLEASE RUN THE OTHER WAY. REPORT THEM FOR MY MURDER.
Holy shit I look badass here.
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/DOA2R3.PNG I WAS DRAGGED OUT OF MY FAVORITE "EMPIRE LIMITED-TIME EDITION" QUEEN SIZED LAZY BOY TO RESPOND TO A KIND MESSAGE. @TAUTOLOGICALTECHNIQUE I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL REPAY THIS KINDNESS OF YOURS TENFOLD. MARK THESE WORDS. YOU WILL BE TREASURED BY THOSE THAT LOVE YOU.
YOUR DAMN ASSASSINS FAILED THEIR JOBS MY LITTLE FRIEND. NEXT TIME DON'T SEND A GOOSE TO DO A REAL MANS JOB. I'VE BEEN BIDING MY TIME WAITING FOR YOUR GUARD TO DROP.. YOU CAN'T RIDE YOUR LITTLE BIKE FOREVER.
Can you watch this video and see if you have a heart attack? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMgsFZ4rkEI
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/ZGZ6QX.GIF GADZOOOKS!! AAAAH!! OH EVEN!! DEAR GOODNESS!! I'VE BEEN KILLED. SPOOKED SO BADLY I WAS KILLED INSTANTLY ON IMPACT WITH THE FLOOR AS MY HEART EXPLODED. I HAVE SINCE LEFT THIS MORTAL COIL.
HOW OFTEN DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'VE "FUMBLED THE BAG"? I THINK THAT'S HOW YOU USE THE TERM. I SEEM TO KEEP PUTTING MY PROVERBIAL FOOT IN MY OWN MOUTH.. IT'S JUST HARD TO NOT GET SO EXCITED ABOUT ALL THESE BIG FISH "BABES" ON THIS SITE..
im alwvays saying this man
FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE THAT UNDERSTANDS MY PLIGHT. YOU GET ME, CRONUS. WE SHOULD "HANG OUT" SOME TIME, I HAVE A FINE CUBAN CIGAR WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.
oh hell yes i lowve cigs. ill talk about fishy milwves all day vwith you old man.
A MAN AFTER MY OWN HEART. I TOO AM A LOVER OF FINE TOBACCO PRODUCTS ALL THESE DAMN MODERN RESTAURANTS HAVE BANNED SMOKING INSIDE, I'M SURE WE COULD FIND A WAFFLE HOUSE TO "CHILLAX" AND "MAX" WITH POSSIBILITY TO "RELAX" AT OUR LEISURE, YOUNG CHAP
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/2EV23M.PNG JUST A SILLY LITTLE PICTURE WITH MY SWEETHEART OF A DAUGHTER FROM QUITE A WHILE AGO.. THEY REALLY DO GROW UP SO FAST. COULD YOU BELIEVE SHE HAS HER OWN LITTLE FAMILY NOW? BLOWS MY MIND THAT THEY CALL HER NANNA NOW..
pff, yea t)(at makes moray sense u ol windbag embarrfis)(in im like quadruple yo age n yet never t)(rew out my back t)(o jus sayin
IT IS INDEED! SHE WAS SUCH RAMBUNCTIOUS LITTLE LAS THAT COULD PRANK WITH THE BEST OF 'EM!
OHHOOHOO! I'VE TRIED MANY TIMES OVER TO "THROW OUT THAT BACK" :^P CAN'T COUNT THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I THREW OUT MY OWN IN THOSE ENDEAVORS.
snrk o)( my fuckin cod u goofy pervert c)(ill on t)(e post about yo )(uman daug)(ter buoy
oh my god you're colonel sassacre? you have a chittr? how even.
PLEASE EXCUSE MY BIT OF "GOONIN'" AS THE KIDS SAY, I GOT TOO FAR AHEAD OF MYSELF. I JUST SEE A BIG FISH ON A HOOK AND CAN'T HELP MYSELF BUT TRY TO REEL IT IN HOOHOO
SOME VERY YOUNG SPIRITED TROLLS I'VE MET ON MY TRAVELS TURNED ME HIP TO THIS WORLD WIDE WEBBED SITE. STILL NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING BUT I'M JUST AN OLD MAN TRYING TO HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF FUN!
takin s)(ots at a target ain’t nobubbly can )(it atp buoy at least up to game 3B-)
*up yo game
I'LL BE DOING SOME TARGET PRACTICE OVER THE WEEKEND. BET, I'LL MAKE SURE TO HIT MY TARGET NEXT TIME I TRY TO HIT SUCH A BIG TUNA LIKE YOU ;^D
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/K03KSN.GIF ISN'T IT WILD THAT ONE DAY WE'LL ALL JUST LAY AT THE BOTTOM OF SOME PIT AND ROT LONGER THEN WE'VE EXISTED? ANYWAYS DID YOU GUYS KNOW THE RAT FROM BARNYARD WAS VOICE BY THE TALENTED MUSICIAN "SHAGGY" AKA MR. BOMBASTIC?
I'M SO SORRY, SWEETNESS, I FEEL AS IF OTHERS NEED TO LEARN THE FACTS OF THIS REAL LIFE THAT HAVE HAUNTED ME IN THIS MODERN AGE.
((could someone help me justify drawing other peoples trolls when im just playing an old white man ahaha. i'm an artist more then a writer and i just want to interact with people more. im even worse in DMs a few condies can attest to that fact. im just getting the hang of the MSPA style and want to interact with people so badly.))
(( seconding this!!
(( being a wife guy to the queen has helped a lot in trying to justify things and my bad memory of lore stuff ahaha. but you're right, that would help a lot and it just being his perspective of a moment is more then enough to draw funny moments. i'll keep this in mind ty))
people love art and do what you want forever!!!
(( THIS IS A VERY good point. I love that idea, im not sure how much of an artist Mark Twain was but THIS guy only draws...we'll see if he draws as good as me at the start or just draws doodoo for the bit ))
(( this is my fav reply so far. i still feel silly going "hello fellow kids" to so many trolls ahahah. im sure once the art flows i'll get the groove of things))
//please it would be so fucking funny of him to just do that since old people are just likethat
((oh i'm very VERY aware of how much people just love art. it's why i feel so silly playing a character i'm struggling to justify hanging out with others so i could draw them together... maybe he's just making young hip friends and i can talk about what he's learned? DMS scare me so freaking much but i should jump in them..))
(( This is a memetic hazard I swear I am seeing the same fucking comment on literally every single post what did you do to me?
//HAHAHAHA GET OVERLOADED
(( DD:
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/GM4V0L.GIF JUST A NICE MOMENT TAKING IN A SUMMER NIGHT. OH HOW FANTASTIC IT IS TO SPEND TIME WITH MY LADY LOVE.
THANK YOU, YOUNG SWEET TROLL LASS! IT'S JUST SUCH A TREAT TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE SO IMPORTANT. I HOPE YOU FIND SOMEONE THAT HOLDS YOU CLOSE, AS MY WIFE DOES ME.
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/P08OXH.PNG IT'S BEEN SUCH A TREAT AS OF LATE TO GO THROUGH SOME OLD FAMILY PHOTOS. HOW TIME PASSES AND KIDS GROW UP. BUT THEY NEVER STOP BEING THE BOUNCY LITTLE BABY THAT ALMOST CRUSHED YOU UNDER A ROCK THEY RODE DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS.. OH MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD~
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/PFKD7A.GIF I'M NOT SOMEONE TO POINT OUT THE LITTLE DETAILS IN THE WORLD WHEN ASKED, JUST PUT OUT MY OWN MUSINGS AS THEY COME TO ME. BUT ISN'T IT A LITTLE ODD HOW MANY PARALLELS THERE ARE BETWEEN EARTH AND ALTERNIAN CULTURE? I SWEAR EARTH HAS A FAMOUS LA (LOS ANGELES), CA (CALIFORNIA) DETECTIVE ALMOST MATCHING A @FRANKCOLOMBO TO A "T"!! WHAT A STRANGE COINCIDENCE..
yeah, i think earth echoes a lot of what alternia had culturally!
OOHHOOHOO! THAT HAD COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND, GRANDCHILD! SOME NICE YOUNG TROLL EXPLAINED THAT TO ME A LONG TIME AGO.. I THINK IN A DREAM? WE ARE JUST THE ECHO OF ALTERNIA
... wasn't expecting to be called that today! uh, yeah! yeah though. earth isn't an "echo" of alternia, it is a new thing that has grown and bloomed, but the culture of the world that lead to its creation is everpresent.
Just one more thing... Oh wow, I am flattered, really. I've got to show this to my matesprite... I mean wow.
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/JJB85R.PNG JUST WANTED TO SHOW OFF SOME MORE OLD PICTURES OF MY BODACIOUSLY SHAPED PARAMOUNT PARAMORE THAT MAKES MY LITTLE SASSACRE "QUIVER".
૮ ․ ․ ྀིა the dress on the right hand side is very pretty and also in my colour! Ი𐑼
IT WAS A QUITE BEAUTIFUL FLAPPERGIRLS DRESS ALL THE BEAUTIFUL MODELS OF THE TIME WERE WEARING OUT TO SHINDIGS IN NEW YORK CITY! WHAT A GREAT TIME
૮ ․ ․ ྀིა that sounds quite fun!૮꒰˶•༝•˶꒱ა ♡ I'd like to go to a party like that! Ი𐑼
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/7MQNZS.PNG FUN SUMMER TRIP PICTURE FROM OUR NOVEMBER 22, 1963 TRIP TO DALLAS, THAT MY WIFE INSISTED WE WENT ON.. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN BUT THERE WAS A REALLY SAD POINT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. WE HAD SOME TASTY FAJITAS THAT DAY
i'm svre no+hing +oo bad happened +ha+ day.
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/PQ1LNL.PNG FOUND A GOODIE OF AN OLD PIC AT THE BOTTOM OF A MOVING BOX, STUFFED WITH VERY EXPIRED CAKE MIXES. THAT WOMAN WAS ABLE TO HIDE A MILE OF HAIR AND 20 FEET OF HORNS UNDER THAT WIG. OR MAYBE LOVE JUST MAKES ONE BLIND TO THE LITTLE THINGS..
i just wanted tw0 say i'm a huge fan at this transitory and easily missed h0ur i can sweep under the rug later.
huh. you two look happy!
oh man. are you why i have hyper hidrosis.
I'VE ONLY RECENTLY LEARNED I TOO SUFFER FROM THIS "HYPERHIDROSIS". JUST ASSUMED FOR YEARS I WAS A VERY DAMPED DUE TO MY 100% COTTON SUITS. I APOLOGIZE, GREAT GRANDSON, FOR THIS TERRIBLE CURSE I'VE LEFT IN LINEAGE..
it's ok, you don't have to apologize for something you never had control over. it is not your fault, and i understand.
APOLOGIES I WAS VERY UNAWARE OF THE MANY VERSIONS OF MY WIFE, FLY THICC FISHY HONEY, OUR QUEEN? EXIST ON THIS SITE. THIS HAS COME AS A BIT OF A STRUGGLE FOR THIS SIMPLE MAN FROM A SIMPLER TIME BEFORE ALL THIS MULTIVERSE MALARKEY THAT BLASTED MCU (MARVELED CINEMA UNIVERSE) CURSED THESE NEW GENERATIONS WITH..
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/57XAJO.GIF APOLOGIES CHITTR, I WAS SWEPT OFF MY FEET THESE LAST FEW WEEKS ON A BIG SPACE TRIP WITH MY SWEET HOT HONEY BABY A FEW WEEKS AGO. THIS HAS BEEN QUITE A LOT OF FUN BUT I'D BE "LYING" IF I SAID I FEEL OKAY ABOUT EACH OF THE PLANETS FULL SOLAR DESTRUCTION AS WE LEAVE POST DISAPPOINTMENT.. EITHER WAY I'M HAVING QUITE A GOOD TIME.
Many would consider you quite the lucky man, Colonel.
a)(. youre still wit)( yours, )(u)(
This. Certainlly is an image that I have seen.
it was, or feels like, a long time ago. its complicated.
Right.
I CONSIDER MY SELF AS PART OF THE "MANY", I AM QUITE A LUCKY MAN, DOCTOR SCRATCH. TRULY UNBELIEVABLE I WAS ABLE TO NAB SUCH A WOMAN.
APOLOGIES IS SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING EARLIER BEFORE I TRIED TO SLIDE INTO THOSE DM'S (DIRECT MESSAGES). SHES AWAY ON BUSINESS QUITE OFTEN.. I GET VERY LONELY.
mmmmm. dunno )(ow to feel about t)(at.
ENEMY LIST: 1. @colonelSassacre was behind the geese 2. Guy who invented not being able to buy just one egg you have to buy the whole carton 3. Whoever invented eating two spaghetti meals 4. Whoever made coffee more than a dime 5. The geese (conquered)
I could not agree with #2 more, actually. Also #4.
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/F4J7FD.PNG I REGRET TO ADMIT THIS BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE SURVIVAL OF @NORMALPUPPET. I AM NOW ON A HIT LIST DUE TO MY INACTION IN THEIR TIME OF NEED.. BUT TO BE FRANK IT WAS VERY FUNNY TO WATCH AT THE TIME.
Ah moments before the bomb, I was so innocent then
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/01UAIK.PNG SHE WASN'T KIDDING WHEN SHE SAID "FUCK IT W-----E BALL!!!!" @CORONATECRUELTY I WASN'T PREPARED LIKE SHE WAS FOR A QUICK 1 ON 1 SESH OF B-BALL.. THESE OLD BONES WEREN'T MADE TO DUNK.
c< HOly sHit sHes fucKiNg balliNg >c
)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A YOU STILL )(AV-E T)(AT PICTUR-E, OLD MAN? w)(at an amazin day w)(en i got to field in for t)(e lakers back on t)(at eart)(. s)(oulda seen t)(e look on lebron's face. "i know s)(e can cook but i didnt know s)(e could cook on t)(e court, too!" better fuckin believe i can cook on t)(e court, BITC)(
)(øly s)(it s)(e can fucking ball.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME I TRULY FEEL A BIT OF A GROWING PIT OF MY STOMACH. I DIDN'T EXPECT ANY OF MY KIDS TO SEE MY VERY MATURE POSTS OR MY INABILITY TO HOLD BACK THE HATE THIS SITE BRINGS OUT OF ME.. ANYWAYS LIKE MY WIFE LOVES TO SAY IN TIMES LIKE THESE "FUCK IT WE BALL".
FUCK IT W-----E BALL!!!!
SMART WOMAN. —EMBER💥
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THIS WORLD. FIND SOMEONE TO HATE AND JUST HATE THEM TILL YOUR DYING BREATH. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. #CARPEDIEM
sig)(... stuff like t)(ats w)(y i fell in love wit)( ya, ya silly, silly man...
hello dad :)
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/DDQ9PW.PNG I LEARNED FROM THE BEST THAT'S EVER DONE IT <3
a)(... o)( cod... i-i need a moment... mon c)(erie... its just a lot of feelins to )(andle at once.....!
HTTPS://FILES.CATBOX.MOE/7K16OI.PNG WHAT A TREAT I WAS ABLE CAPTURE THE MOMENT BEFORE I PROPOSED TO MY STATUESQUE (NOW WIFE) PARTNER A FEW SWEEPS BACK. SHE DID NOT EXPECT IT ONE BIT, SHE WAS DEEPLY ENTHRALLED WITH A MASSIVE 5 BOAT PILE UP. AND SUBSEQUENT EXPLOSION AT THE "KEY WEST SUPER BOAT INTERNATIONAL WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP". #TRUELOVE
tHIS IS, sO ROMANTIC i WANT, tO GIVE A RING TO THE GIRL i, lOVE ONE NIGHT,