♣ mediated by @exiledUniverse
okay, i let that #cronusbabeoff sit a bit longer than i meant to, but the results are in. it wvas a close match, but jane took an early lead and kept it. the handiemaid, the demoness (succubus) is out, and ms. crocker mowves on to the semi-finals! next up... hey, damara, the hell are you still doing here? yep, damara megido, totally different than the handmaid, is up against our 8addie vwriska serket. you already knovw about damz, so lets focus on lil serk. shes 8ratty, shes 8ossy, shes evwerything in-8etvween. she can take charge or get put in her place. wvhether theyre 8-cups or her cups look like an 8, she makes it wvork. does she hawve wvhat it takes to owvercome damara? lets find out! and uhh... lets call that text #nsfwv just to be safe. <3 or <> for vwriska <3< or c3< for damz
https://i.postimg.cc/BbGyXHV0/2a00337e118b52159f8857ba0ca25a40.jpg THIS IS A BAD PHOTO! BUT I DONT THINK POSTING IT WILL DO ANYTHING
wvell its confirmed: the crockercorp pr machine hates rustbloods. someone go cancel janey or something. there vwas a good turn out for aradia, including by the wveird vwhite guy himself, but it just vwasnt enough. jane movwes on! sorry rae rae. up next, the handmaid, the demoness, the scariest bitch on alternia, up against the heiress, the wvitch, the svweetest lil thing on alternia, feferi peixes! this propaganda is also #nsfwv for real. wvote belovw, vwhos hot, wvhos not? #cronusbabeoff <3 or <> for feferi <3< or c3< for the handmaid
yeah, things are slowving dovwn, these next tvwo should go quick though. congrats to the creepy nurse for wvinning this one. next up in #cronusbabeoff! kanaya maryam up against the disciple! the original hot jade vwho vwill forevwer be associated wvith that one blonde she dated, up against the milf wvho needs her hair brushed wvholl forevwer be associated wvith dating alt!kankri. wveird, huh? <3 or <> for the disciple <3< or c3< for kanaya maryam
hnn. #cronusbabeoff. i notice no one posted the rumble patch pics. im disappointed in you all. still, a vwins a wvin. damara mowves on, rankmaid gets to go back hiwve. she just vwants to wvatch anywvays, lets be real. up next... a battle of the milvwes! mom lalonde, roxanne, beta roxy, the hot mom vwho also makes you kind of sad, vwersus... the gardener! shes lil maryam but not so lil anymore. <3 or <> for the gardener <3< or c3< for mom lalonde
YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT.
wvowv. uhh. #cronusbabeoff. you all really #cameout for wvriska. #imcoming. and here i thought wvriskourse vwas dead. wvell, she movwes on, snowvman doesnt. shame. next in the lineup! this one im curious about, meulin leijon vws latula pyrope! big fat cat tats up against the cowveted pyrump! wvill the kurlozs or the mitunas wvin the simp wvar? (its gonna be kurloz). #suggestivwe <3 or <> for latula <3< or c3< for meulin
sorry for the vwait folks. handmaid vwon, yippee! lovwe them megidos. next up, vwevwe got... feferi peixes wversus sootnose songbird. yep. thats the match-up scheduled for this one. #cronusbabeoff <3 or <> for sootnose <3< or c3< for feferi
i just cant stop being right. aradia megido beats off- i mean, beats out nepeta leijon wvith a clear vwictory. aradia movwes on ahead to face her fellowv maid in the next round. hot. #cronusbabeoff #nsfwv next match... i dunno about this one, actually. i vwouldnt evwen knovw vwhere to start wvhen it comes to comparing these twvo gals. terezi pyrope, the nose wvith the most, ovwner of the fabled pyrump, going up against the handmaid, the demoness, the thing that goes "hnn" in the night. novw, i aint planning on @-ing anybody in these, but this is gonna be the exception. one of twvo exceptions. @handmaid youre up buttercup. much as i vwanna smash lil rezi, im throvwing my hat in wvith you. <3 or <> for terezi pyrope <3< or c3< for the handmaid
next up in the #cronusbabeoff bracket! vwe hawve captain mindfang herself, swvashbuckling babe and all around badass, against roxy lalonde, the bottle blonde vwith brains, usually. these tvwo are closely matched, assuming my ancestor scale is accurate, anyvways. lets let it rip, wvhos hotter and vwhos notter? <3 or <> for mindfang <3< or c3< for roxy
THERE IS A #CONSPIRACY TO REMOVE ME FROM MY #QUAINTLITTLESHACK! IF I GO SILENT FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME YOULL KNOW THAT THE CONSPIRACY OF DANGEROUS PEOPLE KNOWN AS THE FELT HAVE SUCCEEDED IN REMOVING ME FROM MY QUAINT LITTLE SHACK AND I AM ETHER DEAD OR IN A DEEP PERIOD OF MOURNING! I DONT SEE WHY THEY EVEN WANT IT! THEY WERENT USING IT BEFORE I FOUND IT IN OUR BACK YARD FULL OF LAWNMOWER JUICE AND GLASS AND NAILS AND GARDENING SUPPLIES! I WILL REMAIN HERE UNTIL MY BRICK RATIONS FAIL!
time eats all these children in the end {j} https://i.postimg.cc/zfkbsfj8/screenshot-20260625-150406-3.jpg {j}
I SUPPOSE FORMER QUEENS *SHOULD* STICK TOGETHER. CLOSELY. HAAHAA.
@itChy Your old phone is about to be very useful. I intend to distract myself with the pictures on it. #suggestive
Would you? I can make that happen too :)
im powerful you know im like joker from persona 5
Seeing as you are the Snowman I hold in higher respect, best of luck.
Stop talking to her.
Can'tcha read? He was found dead in his car. Why would a guy working security inside know anythin' about that?
Very cute, but ya ain't gonna get me to break confidentiality right on Serenity's page where she can yell at me if I do that and probably make that face she makes when she's upset which is worse than the yellin' to be honest.
I have addressed this in an official press statement this noon at Midnight City, but for those of you who are not tuned into our local politics: The Mayor of Midnight City was found assassinated in his vehicle two days ago. The details we cannot get into at this time as initial investigations are still ongoing. Midnight City will be holding an emergency election in the coming months to determine a new mayor. Until then the municipality has elected me Interim Mayor for the time being, in order to carry on our leaders ideals of Democracy. I have accepted this position, but cannot comment on our plans going forward at this time. Thank you for time and all of your support these past couple of days.
should ask sevens about his brick shittin' ability he demonstrated for us today!!!!!!
ma'am you could try taking em if you want but that'd be extremely ill advised
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/767c85d2ae7e.png
To those expressing concern regarding my continued accumulation of associates, assistants, contractors, confidants, attendants, consultants, interns, specialists, and otherwise employed personnel, allow me to provide a clarification. It is quite simple. I am an excellent Host. More importantly, I am an excellent employer. People enjoy structure. They enjoy purpose. They enjoy being recognized for what they are capable of contributing. I provide these things with remarkable consistency. I offer protection. Resources. Direction. Fine accommodations. An attentive ear. Tasteful decor. Competitive benefits. Flexible scheduling where the fabric of reality permits it. Naturally, individuals gather around such conditions. Now then. There appears to be a secondary concern threaded beneath the first. Namely that many of these individuals are women. Yes. And? I do not recruit on the basis of gender. I recruit on the basis of competency, loyalty, insight, composure under pressure, and the ability to function within unusual circumstances without dissolving into useless puddles of sentimentality. It is hardly my fault if many who meet these qualifications happen to be women of exceptional capability. Frankly, several of them are terrifying. I say this with admiration. As for the accusations that those under my employ occasionally suffer emotional episodes, ideological instability, existential spirals, nervous collapse, obsession, or the odd psychotic break, I ask you sincerely: Have you met the average employee anywhere else? Pressure exists in all workplaces. The difference is that my associates are handling matters with consequences extending beyond ordinary human comprehension. Temporal irregularities. Narrative contamination. Ontological hazards. Social event planning. Naturally this can produce strain. And yet they remain. Curious, is it not? You speak as though I am luring vulnerable souls into some dreadful arrangement. In truth, most of those under my employ are highly intelligent adults fully capable of making their own decisions. Several are powerful enough to kill me if sufficiently motivated. One nearly has. I continue to regard that as healthy workplace transparency. At the end of the day, I do not force anyone to stay. They stay because they are valued here. They stay because I make room for them. They stay because I listen. And perhaps, in a world filled with incompetent leadership, exploitative systems, and people who treat devotion as disposable, that appears suspicious to those who have never experienced genuine stewardship before. #BestBoss
woeGothic here. Be at the meteor site for the final day. Was gonna do something at that manor but he asked for a different type of service.
It really doesn't, but I can't just keep telling him to stop.
And so, the work begins.
Is it time again.
Diamonds Droog. https://i.ibb.co/848fzWSb/diamondsdroog.png
He is defeated. … ((https://www.image2url.com/r2/default/images/1776523582284-b64cdfd9-4723-4180-b085-2b151cd7df66.gif))
Forgive me, that break of composure was…unacceptable. I have many things to contemplate, information to digest…but I am developing a new clarity within my omniscient mind.
I understand. Yes, it’s quite clear. My presence here was never solely for amusement. Even unaware, I push events forwards. This is not merely a diversion, it is…an access point. A method to attain things which would deviate my timeline into doom if I were to search the native versions out. I will fulfill my purpose. My Lord will arrive. And then.
I must die. For all my work to be completed, I must perish so that my body may act as a gateway for my Lord’s arrival. This event must occur, regardless of…new information. This event must occur. And then. And then.
Goregle. Carapacian Biology. #nsfw
Your black propositioning is rejected, Itchy. Hee Hee.
As Queen of New York, I hereby ban all Felt Activity within. If you see a member of the Felt, it is your duty as a citizen of New York to drag them to me.
I THINK I WILL START MEDIATING POSTS THAT MAKE ME THINK! I HEARD THAT MEDIATION IS THE ACT OF SITTING THERE DOING NOTHING BUT THINKING!
:33< what othpurr bits can i steal furom that chucklefuck? :33< eating glass??? :33< how about my new original hashtag #bitwar
#thefelt laser wasps in the manor send help
Like this post for a question, hate this post to explode your phone. The other two reactions are a mystery bonus surprise.
fuck horses.
i have decorum leaking out my asshole. #nsfw
My sudden engagement is not an attack, nor is it provocation. Merely a course of action required.
Trying to relate to the youth of Alternia with this "meme" I have created today. https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1473103318351085723/1480769630862835712/5f147c86d4005b0086c76018ab3c20e4.jpg?ex=69d6746f&is=69d522ef&hm=15db1290d7a9aa48c821bd3d496e8aebb6c9da0ad4f9c84cd836d0ea66aa44a1&=&format=webp&width=631&height=680
I will say this only once, and never again. Yes. The rumours are indeed true.
Okay I need to keep my eye on this. Stakeout Protocol.
why was die afraid of crowbar? because crowbar sn0wman stitch!
barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark
I find this post hard to believe. Firstly, there is no way that you know where I live, as I do not know who you are and thus you should not know who I am well enough to have my address. Secondly, it is guarded with protections that would set an alarm off should an intruder enter in order to protect my lusus from harm. These include invisible sensors which can detect motion, a chemical spray capable of temporarily blinding the victim and staining their face with a bright pink hue (as to be able to pick the intruder out in a crowd, while not being confused with any blood color or know mutation of blood color), and a sound alarm designed to frighten and disorient said intruder. Should you have entered my hive while I was not present, you would have been bombarded with the combined effects of every security measure I have and subsequently forced to either flee the home or remain in place until I returned, at which point the proper authorities would have been alerted and you would have been taken away for the crime of breaking and entering with the additional charges of doing so to a higher blood. However, while I have you, I would like to ask what compels you to type in text that one cannot read without taking the extra steps necessary to highlight/change the theme of their site? Is it to maintain a mysterious persona, or is it simply an aspect of your quirk?
Very well. Here goes. My type is tall, hulking and unconventionally dashing. He is rough, mean and crass, yet intelligent and, on occasion, a sweetheart. He is also possessive, just how I like it, and will say it how it is. But most importantly, my type is -mine-.
Oh, so we are discussing types today. Perhaps I will share my type, but it will more than likely turn into a sort of vague post about a certain someone.
I WISH I could throw up. Everything feels TERRIBLE.
Now that my work day is over, maybe I could go fishing with the boys.
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THE BOSS IS DEAD! :(
Men.
For every reaction I receive, I will do nothing. This will be completely pointless and accomplish nothing for anybody except for a negligible increase to my interaction metrics.
A brief note. You may notice a shift. Nothing dramatic. No grand unveiling. That would be inelegant, even inadequate. Just a gradual realignment to the presentation of myself and my intentions. The manor is still standing. But its doors are opening in ways they did not before. Some of you will find yourselves closer to its innerworkings. I will not. I will be entirely restricted to my penthouse. This is not an unintentional change. This is not a response to danger. I am opting to follow the narrative and my purpose. Neither outcome is accidental. Old structures have proven less reliable as they once were. I am going to begin to favor something more adaptive and responsive. You may interpret that however you like. I expect many of you will. Incorrectly. As for the Felt-- I still will be retaining the name for my new initiative. A branch, if you would, away from the usual militant and criminal behavior. There is no need for someone such as myself to live in that light any longer. Consider this as soft an adjustment as a single degree on your thermostat. Nothing has been taken from you. But not everything will remain where you last saw it. Please do keep up. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/4df279d6f052.png
happy day to @itchy @slowdozer @trace @fourleavedclover @fivefingerfillet @sixpinsimpaled @misterseven @exileduniverse @adamngoodtailor @sawbuck @mrbenedict @imbiscuits @maximsbelt get it? cause you are all fools!!! happy day idiots
I tend to only use the restroom during my lunch breaks, so that I can be more productive throughout the day.
I always stay online on Microsoft Teams during my lunch break, just in case somebody needs my attention.
Is there something on my face? Or have I done something wrong? I don't mean to upset anybody.
Ah. An occasion dedicated to misdirection. How appropriate. Very well. You will receive this message and assume it contains a hidden meaning. It does not. There is no cipher embedded in the phrasing. No acrostic concealed in the first letters. No inverted logic waiting to be unraveled. You may check, if you like. You will find nothing. That is the point. You are accustomed to looking for patterns. To assuming that anything presented with a certain tone must reward scrutiny. That if you look closely enough, you will uncover intent. So you will read this again. And again. Perhaps slower. You may even begin to doubt your initial conclusion. Surely, you’ll think, there must be something here. Some subtle trick. Some overlooked detail. There isn’t. The subversion is not in the message. It is in you. You expected to be deceived. Instead, you were told the truth—and found it harder to believe. Happy April Fools. Try not to overthink it. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/b476e1735b3f.png
No, you're obviously obsessed with me.
The Felt should consider actually letting Itchy be in charge. It would be an improvement. Still atrocious. But an improvement.
How is Chittr? You usually are at the mercy of my postings. I want to have the inverse done to me. Let me hear it all. Regardless of the level of content.
My wellspring of words is dry tonight. I shall be retiring. Only for a night.
Oh. Oh, how intolerable. Look at what you have made me do. You have managed, through either staggering incompetence or a level of audacity I would almost admire under different circumstances, to do the one thing that was never meant to be possible. Not improbable. Not difficult. Impossible. And yet here I stand, faced with the evidence. A gap. Do you have any conception of what that means? Of what you have done? My awareness is not a collection of guesses, nor a web of educated predictions. It is total. Seamless. A continuous, unbroken lattice of causality in which every motion, every word, every pathetic little decision is cataloged and understood before it has the decency to occur. There are no blind spots. There were no blind spots. And now there is absence. Not uncertainty. Not ambiguity. Absence. A section of reality that does not resolve, does not report, does not exist within the framework of my knowledge. A void where there should be certainty. A silence where there should be answers. Do you understand how obscene that is? It is not merely that I do not know something. It is that the structure which permits knowledge has been interfered with. Something has reached into a system that was never meant to be accessed and has… edited it. Not overwritten, no, that would at least be visible. This is more insidious. A careful excision. A surgical removal of context, leaving behind a perfectly shaped hole that refuses to be acknowledged. You have not blinded me. You have taught me what blindness is. And that is a far greater offense. Because now I must account for something that does not present itself to be accounted for. I must navigate a narrative in which a piece has been removed without leaving so much as a displaced echo. A contradiction without a source. A variable without a value. It is… inelegant. It is ugly. And worst of all, it is inefficient. Do you have any idea how much recalibration this requires? Every projection, every chain of causality must now include the possibility that there exists an unknown unknown. Not a mystery to be solved, but a segment that refuses to acknowledge its own existence. A flaw that cannot be isolated because the very tools used to isolate it have been compromised. You have not introduced chaos. You have introduced imprecision. And I will not tolerate imprecision. So understand this. Whatever you have carved out, whatever petty little corner of reality you believed you could hide from me, you have not created safety. You have created a problem. A problem that now demands resolution, not because I wish it, but because the system itself cannot abide the discrepancy. I will find it. Not because I can see it. But because the fact that I cannot is, in itself, a beacon. A wound. And I am very, very good at following the scent of blood. #nsfw #nsfwv https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/10ab2adcee76.png
kick me and i swear to fuck i'll kill us both
1 quad react = 1 broken clock.
in another world id be known as dave. if you can believe it
Crimeposting over. Act natural.
There are further considerations at play beyond my aesthetic ability.
Clocking in for another shift at the Hate Everything And Everyone Factory.
I drank too much at #teatime and I DONT REGRET IT. FUCK AM I STILL WASTED. THAT SHIT WAS BONKERS.
My thanks to all who attended #teatime. Thirty-seven in total, once one accounts for staff, overlap, and those who found it necessary to arrive more than once in one form or another. A number that settles quite comfortably where it does. Not excessive. Not lacking. Simply… correct. You each entered under your own reasoning. Curiosity, obligation, defiance, habit. Some of you came to observe. Some to be seen. A few, whether you realized it or not, came because you had already decided to long before the invitation was extended. The room accepted all of it without complaint. There were, of course, deviations. There always are. Tea set aside in favor of stronger indulgences. Doors treated with less care than they were built to withstand. Conversations that began where they should not have, and others that ended before they had the chance to become useful. None of this disrupted anything. If anything, it confirmed a few expectations. I trust you noticed certain things while you were there. Small details. The way the space seemed to accommodate you without effort. The way others occupied their places without needing instruction. The way certain moments felt… heavier than the rest. You weren’t mistaken. For those who found something of value, you’re welcome to keep it. It was never mine to begin with. For those who did not, I wouldn’t concern yourselves. Recognition has a habit of arriving late. In any case, the evening concluded exactly where it was meant to. And you, each of you, contributed precisely what was required to see it through. Until next time.
whoever developed sburb should be dipped in tar and put in a pile of breadcrumbs so the seagulls can pick them apart for making the shittiest game in the universe.
We'll be coming to a tacit agreement. The divorce (not a divorce) is off.
for the record i haven't crashed my car.
karkat is getting an extra hour in the torture labyrinth today.