Colonel Sassacre
@frivolousJapery
Southern Colonel & Humorist. Happily married!
𝄠𝄵𝄆𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮 If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worthwhile. 𝇓𝇓𝇓𝄀
Hoo hoo! I am sure the lot of you anticipated some grand buffoonery from yours truly the night prior, perhaps jacks in your soles and cakes aplenty. Alas, I had failed to inform the lot of you, that the first of April is my break from the tomfoolery. 365 days of japes does take something out of a man..
<3-The-ultimate-prank...-No-prank-at-all.-Masterfully-done-Colonel.
Some may consider it lame, but anticipation without follow-up does have a place in comedy. I thank you for your words, Pugilistic friend.
Tomorrow arrives swiftly. I will be as busy as they come these passing few hours. Much I must attend to.
The most hallowed of days, April first, draws ever nearer with every passing second. Tell me, friends, compatriots, how do you plan to participate in the whimsy and frivolities of such a truly excellent holiday?
it sounds like a wonderful time, dear one. would you tell me about the finer details of this highly anticipated holiday?
THE CORRECT ANSWER! Hoo hoo! I expect nothing less of you, dear Jane. A true Prankster Prodigy. Yes, please forgive my rudeness for asking at all.
im gunna do crimes and debaucheries #nsfw #violence
I won't blame you for one moment for fielding off your anticipation! Nor for weeding out the ninnies.
i got a head start on japery with some outfit swaps!!!
Oh, but it's perhaps the most wondrous of occasions here on earth, you see. April Fools, we call it - perhaps the only time of year in which you can find your fedora freaks and finery fiends tossing cream pies and dropping decks of cards, all in the name of entertaining your fellow man whilst keeping them humble.
how absolutely wonderful! a celebration dedicated to the act of joyous whimsy. what could be better? thank you for sharing this with me, dear one. i shall endeavor to participate! (:^
"seafood alfredo?" yeah, I'll see food and then I'll fredo #shimp🦐 mew~ 💖✨
<3-What-do-you-mean-you'll-"fredo"-what-does-that-mean?
I stack racks so fat, bitches be thinking they're silicone. They don't make them like they make me anymore, man. I'm a demon. I'll clown your whole squad for bus fare and then WALK. Prankster's Gambit so high and my dick's still bigger. Make my wife wear groucho glasses while she rides it, call that shit beaglepussy. #nsfw
Bars.
tHIS IS SOME, sERIOUS, sICK FIRES, mISTER sASSACRE!
You're too kind! Really! They say the mark of a good wordsmith is fluency in multiple different literary arts, so I do my best to keep myself up-to-date.
The mark of a zenith in any particular medium is their versatility. Keep stuntin'on 'em, big dog.
Apparently in the modern day Butterfingers Solitaire has left the comedic zeitgeist and has "died" within the field of humorists. I do not think I will ever recover.
When it comes to matters monetarily aligned, I find myself constantly befuddled. I am forever thankful for my wife, who is entirely superior in the field. I have astounded her (and not in the good way) time and time again with the deposits and investments I make on young talent and comedic prospects alike!
It makes me so immensely elated to see that classic buffoonery persist! The painted clowns and harlequins always mesmerized an old soul such as myself, and I was horrified that the changing tides of society would wash them away, like water to oil-painted flesh.
If I may garner the ire of your beagle pussed faces, then I may rest happy. For to be acknowledge with chagrin is better to not be acknowledged at all! Hoo hoo. I do hope you all are not such sourpusses of course. To be made a fool is a gift unlike any other, as you must already know. A trade in gambit is an exchange in humanity.
better *than to not be acknowledged at all! I suppose the pie is on my face now. Hoo hoo!
Good morning dad
Good day to you, Jane dearest. By gum, have you entered the school of jesterhood since our last altercation? I must say you look wonderful in your most silly of caps! Much love!
I am quite fond of these "pikmin" fellows!
theyre pretty chill
Quite! They remind me of a certain three man act that was up-and-coming in my time - those Three Stooges? They have a similar bumbling air about them.
Much to my chagrin, it seems I am somehow entirely out of bourbon.. Would anyone be willing to lend a poor old coot a hand? I'll be sure to cover the cost, down to the cent!
Excellent! Now, I simply need you to travel back through the timestream, and hop across an insurmountable amount of space - can you do that for me? Surely it would be of no issue to a young, spry guppy such as yourself?
Well, that certainly is a step in the right direction! I respect your candid attempt wholeheartedly, my friend.
What a joyous day it is. One of many, I am sure! Hoo hoo! Every day is a gift when I have people to care for who'll care in return. I may be a fool, but I know that for certain.
I am finding the greatest challenge of the modern day is the adjustment process. I am a humorist of an older time, and as much as things stay the same, they also change. You'd think otherwise, but it's always the little things which catch me flat-footed. Changes in vocabulary and culture that you wouldn't even notice in your day-to-day. As always, I am elated to learn and grow.
I feel it important to stress that while my teachings are a guideline, they are NOT to be treated as gospel. I love nothing more than to see capers crafted by the younger generations! Creativity is to be celebrated! I am happiest when I am the butt of another's joke.
Halley has been rather uppity recently, the poor dog. It's a damned shame that it has been so cold this past month. The boy deserves his walks, but these old bones just aren't what they used to be.
wat da FUCK.
try a dog park maybe? that way your dog can still get exercise!
Is something the matter, dearest Betty? You sound like you've seen a ghost! Hoo hoo.
Hello there! That is quite the surplus of question marks. :-)
That would most likely be wise, yes. Thank you for your suggestion!
It seems most are shocked by my arrival! I would be lying if I said I don't feel an iota of pride, knowing that my presence alone is enough to qualify as a jape. Hoo hoo!
Wishing you all an excellent day. If only I could make heads or tails of these newfangled devices! Hoo hoo
ITS YOU!
Is that you, dear Jane? Why, the last I saw of you, you were still in diapers! I trust you've been alright without me?