♥ liked by @gallowsCalibrator
to my haters who hoped and prayed 1 d1ed for real th1s t1me:
THE. FUCKING. ODYSSEY. LONGTIME READERS AND FIRST-TIME OBSERVERS, I BRING YOU THE #MOVIEKAT REVIEW TO MARK THE FUCKING AGES. I STARTED THIS REVIEW UNDER THE PRETENSE THAT I WOULD BE GOING ON THIS JOURNEY ON MY OWN. BUT HUBRIS HAS A REAL FUNNY WAY OF KICKING YOU IN THE SHINS (SPOILERS). I TOLD @CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST ABOUT THE FACT THAT I’D JUST SAT THERE IN A DARK THEATRE AND GNAWED BASICALLY THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF MY KERNELSPLOSION BUCKET FOR THREE HOURS, AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HE DID? HE SAID TO ME, “KARKAT. WE HAVE TO DO THIS TOGETHER. WE HAVE TO DELIVER ODYSSEY TO THE PEOPLE.” SO. HERE WE ARE. A CO-WRITTEN REVIEW (WHICH IS MOSTLY ME AND NO, VANTAS, YOU CAN’T REMOVE THIS PART, FUCK YOU) BY THE ONLY TWO TROLLS IN PARADOX SPACE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS TO REIN NOT ONE, BUT *TWO* OF US IN? THIS REVIEW IS THE *EPITOME* OF TWO DUMB BITCHES SAYING “EXACTLYYYYYYYYY”. THIS IS GOING TO BE AN INCREDIBLY LONG ANALYSIS FOR YOU PEA-BRAINED IMPS WITH NEXT-TO-ZERO READING COMPREHENSION AND CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS, BUT MAYBE YOU CAN TREAT THIS AS A SPONGE EXERCISE. AND FOR THE REST OF YOU WHO ARE EAGER TO MUNCH YOUR WAY DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF *THIS* KERNELSPLOSION BUCKET AND GET YOUR MONEY’S WORTH OF THE THE BUTTERY, SOGGY MORSELS: SIT BACK. RELAX. MAYBE TAKE A MIGRAINE PILL PREEMPTIVELY. AND LET’S FUCKING GO. —- REVIEW BEGIN —- ZEUS’S LAW. THE CORNERSTONE OF ANCIENT HUMAN GREEK RELIGION AND PHILOSOPHY. THOUGH NOT A WRITTEN STATUTE, IT DEFINES THE SACRED OBLIGATIONS THAT COMPRISE A DIVINE MORAL ORDER, GOVERNING COMMUNITY, OATHS, KINGSHIP, JUSTICE, AND THE RESPECT OF THE STRANGER. POETRY AND FICTIVE WORKS BACK IN YE OLDE HUMAN DAYS DEPICT ZEUS AS THE OMNIPOTENT FORCE TOWARD PROTECTION OF THE VULNERABLE. AND IT COMES WITH A BIG RED FLASHING WARNING LABEL: ANYONE CAN BE A GOD, SO YOU BETTER FUCKING TREAT EVERYONE AS IF THEY WERE. THIS UNCERTAIN PROBABILITY SHAPED AN ENTIRE SOCIETY FOR AN EON TO COME, BASED ON THE CHOICE TO BELIEVE. RELATIONSHIPS FORGED FROM RITUALISED FRIENDSHIP WENT ON TO SHAPE ARISTOCRACY AND GOVERNMENT, INHERITED GUEST-FRIENDS THROUGHOUT GENERATIONS, AND BUILT THE FOUNDATIONS OF AN EVER-GROWING POLITICAL — AND FAMILIAL— NETWORK. BOOM. HISTORY LESSON. YEAH, WE’RE BOTH ADVANCED HUMAN HISTORY BUFFS. YOU KIND OF HAVE TO BE INTO THAT SORT OF THING TO KNOW YOUR MOVIES AS WELL AS WE DO, YOU FEEL ME? BUT, CLASSIC MOVE FROM US, HERE– AND I MEAN ALL OF PARADOX SPACE — WE SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT ALL OF THAT AS TIME GOES ON. INCREASINGLY, WE LIVE IN A WORLD THAT HAS TURNED ITSELF ASS-BACKWARDS. WE TREAT EACH OTHER AND OURSELVES WITH AN INDIFFERENCE UNRIVALLED TO ANYTHING SOCIETY HAS SEEN BEFORE. EVEN THE DAMN WORDS THAT SHAPE OUR STORYTELLING AND SOCIETY HAVE GONE INWARD TOO, FORGETTING THE TANGIBLE AND BECOMING INCREASINGLY ABSTRACT AND CLINICAL. LOGIC, TREATMENT, REGULATION, FAVOURED OVER STORY, COMPANIONSHIP, COURAGE. THE CONNOTATIONS CAN’T BE CLEARER. WE’RE LOSING EACH OTHER AND OURSELVES TO THE CHARYBDIS, SPINNING AND SPINNING TOWARD A WILD, THRASHING END. TRANSLATOR NOTE: THIS MEANS THAT WE ARE FUCKED. ALMOST, WITH A COUPLE OF HUGE FLASHING *ASTERISKS*. WHAT HAPPENS TO US IF WE DON’T SURVIVE CIRCLING THE DRAIN? SOMETHING HAS TO PULL US OUT OF IT, LEST WE FORGET THE WEB HUMANITY BUILT IS THERE TO SERVE A PURPOSE. WE ARGUE THAT THIS MODERN INTERPRETATION OF THE ODYSSEY SERVES AS A REACHING, LONG-LOST PART OF OURSELVES, CRYING OUT: SAVE YOURSELF. SAVE YOUR BROODMATE. SAVE US ALL. HERE’S HOW. BUT LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS ABOUT THE FILM ITSELF, FIRST. HUMAN CHRISTOPHER NOLAN HAD SOMETHING HUGE TO CONQUER, MUCH LIKE ODYSSEUS HIMSELF. TRANSLATING AN ANCIENT TEXT, REGARDLESS OF ITS PUNY SIMPLETON HUMAN ORIGIN, IS A MASSIVE UNDERTAKING. IT REQUIRES A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF AWARENESS THAT OFTENTIMES IS LACKING IN LARGE-SCALE PRODUCTIONS, WHETHER THAT’S DUE TO THE CLEANSING OF NARRATIVE IN THE INTEREST OF PLACATING A WIDE AS POSSIBLE AUDIENCE, OR BEING SIMPLY TOO COWARDLY TO GET TO THE POINT. NORMALLY, I WOULD SAY, “YOU CAN ALL ACT LIKE BRAINDEAD ASSWIPES IN YOUR OWN FESTERING FLAP OF PARADOX SPACE, FINE WITH ME”, BUT NOT IN THIS INSTANCE. NUH UH. NOT ONLY THIS, BUT DUE TO THE SHEER VOLUME OF THE TEXT ITSELF (WITHOUT EVEN TOUCHING THE TALE OF THE ILIAD), THERE ARE WHAT SEEM LIKE ENDLESS POINTS OF INTEREST AND A PLETHORA OF LESSONS TO BE LEARNED. THEY LURK AROUND SHADOWY CORNERS, BARREL TOWARD US IN LUMBERING FOOTSTEPS, SING TO US WITH A SIREN’S SONG. SO MANY OPTIONS IN A NARRATIVE THAT SPEAKS AD NAUSEAM, THAT NOLAN WAS SURELY SPOILED FOR CHOICE LIKE A GRUB IN A GODDAMN CANDY STORE SETTING THEIR GANDERBULBS ON A FRESH CUP OF ANT POPPING BOBA. AND ANYHOW— WHAT IS THE RELEVANCE OF A TEXT LIKE THE ODYSSEY? WHY ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT IT? THE ODYSSEY’S POWER LIES IN THE TRUTH OF IT BEING “THE OLDEST STORY”. IT CONTAINS THE ABILITY TO TRANSMUTE ITSELF TO FIT THE CURRENT SOCIAL NARRATIVE AND BE APPLICABLE TO OUR LIVES THROUGHOUT THE AGES. THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF A TEXT LIKE THIS; OVER THE COURSE OF 3,000 EARTH YEARS, IT STILL TRANSFORMS ITS OWN MEANING OVER TIME. IT IS NO SURPRISE OR SECRET THAT NOLAN DOES NOT STAY COMPLETELY FAITHFUL TO THE SOURCE TEXT. HOWEVER, I RAISE THE QUESTION, IF THE ODYSSEY WAS A MASSIVE PHILOSOPHICAL ALLEGORY FOR HIS TIME, WHY CAN’T WE USE IT AS ONE FOR NOW? THIS IS WHERE NOLAN TAKES THE REINS. HEAVY ARE THE GYVES OF A MONUMENTAL AND OVERWHELMING LITERARY MASTERPIECE, SHACKLING ONESELF IN ORDER TO CONVEY MEANING TO AN AUDIENCE THAT, FRANKLY, ARE A MISERABLE POINTLESS CROP OF LIFEFORMS FROM A MEANINGLESS BORING PUSTULE OF A PLANET. NOLAN DOES A FANTASTIC JOB, HOWEVER, OF RELAYING NARRATIVE INFORMATION THAT TRULY RESONATES, LEAVING ITS SOLID CORE. YOU CAN’T HELP BUT THINK ABOUT IT, EVEN LONG AFTER THE THREE HOUR LONG FILM ENDS. I KNOW I DID, AND SO DID VANTAS. WE COULDN’T FUCKING SHUT UP ABOUT IT. SO. THIS BRINGS US TO THE SEVERAL THEMES OF THIS FILM, AND WHY WE THINK IT’S IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM. ODYSSEUS IS NOT NECESSARILY THIS BIG HERO WE’RE ALL COUNTING ON HIM TO BE. WE UNDERSTAND THE CONTEXT OF ODYSSEUS’ STORY AS A DESPERATE WARNING IF WE JUST TAKE TWO SECONDS TO REALLY LOOK AT IT. IF YOU VIEW ODYSSEUS AS THE PROTAGONIST, AT FACE VALUE, IT’S ABOUT BEING A LEADER. HE IS INDEED THE BRAVE WARRIOR WHO DEFEATED AN ARMY IN THE BATTLE OF TROY, THEN MADE THE PERILOUS JOURNEY BACK HOME TO HIS WIFE AND SON. ISN’T THAT ADMIRABLE? BUT YOU WOULD BE A FLAMING IDIOT IF YOU STOPPED YOUR THOUGHT TRAIN AT THIS STATION. THE FIRST SCENE WE WITNESS IS SINON TAKING HIS DYING BREATH, PINNED AGAINST THE TROJAN HORSE. A SACRIFICE, AND ONE THAT WE LATER FIND OUT IS BUILT ON A FARCE; SINON IS LED TO BELIEVE THAT HE ISN’T A SACRIFICE AT ALL, THAT THE IMPOSING STATUE IS HOLLOW. HE DIES WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING THAT HE IS NOTHING BUT A PAWN FOR ONE MAN’S CHOICE. IT IS THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL OF ZEUS’S LAW, AND THUS THE BETRAYAL OF COMPASSION AND EMPATHY. ODYSSEUS BETRAYS THIS LAW TIME AND TIME AGAIN, HIS PRIDE SWELLING FAR TOO WIDE IN HIS CHEST TO MAKE ROOM FOR HIS PUSHER. HE REFUSES TO LISTEN TO HIS SLOWLY DWINDLING ARMY AS THEY CROSS TREACHEROUS SEAS AND ENCOUNTER DANGERS AT EVERY STOP. HE FIRES AN ARROW AT POLYPHEMUS JUST BECAUSE HE DESIRES TO SHOW HIS SUCCESS IN OVERCOMING HIM, FORCES HIMSELF TO LISTEN TO THE SIREN’S SONG JUST BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO HAVE HEARD IT AND SURVIVED. HE TURNS AWAY FROM HADES AND THE FACES OF HELL HE RECOGNISES WITH A REFUSAL TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE INEVITABILITY OF A FATE HE DOESN’T WANT. OH-DICK-SEUS. THAT’S WHAT HE IS. HA. HA HA, EVEN. LIKEWISE, THE ATROCITIES COMMITTED THEREOF ARE ALSO DEMONSTRATED IN THE SUITORS OF PENELOPE; THEY CONSUME AND TERRORISE THE PALACE, SLAUGHTER HIS LIVESTOCK, DRINK HIS WINE, INTIMIDATE TELEMACHUS, PRESSURE PENELOPE AND CONTEMPLATE MURDER. THEIR CRIME IS NOT SIMPLE DISCOURTESY. THEY CONVERT HOSPITALITY INTO PARASITISM. IT IS THIS BASTARDISATION OF TRUST, THE VIOLATION OF INSTITUTIONAL ALLIANCE, THAT BREAKS THIS ANCIENT SOCIETY— AND US, THOUSANDS OF YEARS IN THE FUTURE— APART. THE CATASTROPHE RESULTING IS CUMULATIVE RATHER THAN INSTANTANEOUS. THE SUITORS ARE REPEATEDLY WARNED BY BOTH PENELOPE AND TELEMACHUS. THERE ARE COUNTLESS OPPORTUNITIES TO TURN BACK, TO REPENT, TO CONCEDE, TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE GODS HAVE PROPHESIED. THERE ARE MOMENTS, EVEN, OF PROSPERITY AMONGST WARRIORS; BUT UNRESOLVED VIOLATION ACCUMULATES UNTIL REVERSAL BECOMES UNAVOIDABLE. IN FACT, ATHENA CAN’T MAKE THINGS ANY CLEARER TO ODYSSEUS WHEN SHE SAYS, “WHO DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THUNDER? FIRE? A CHILD’S SMILE? A GOOD HARVEST?” IT DEMONSTRATES THAT GUIDANCE ONLY COMES FROM THE WILLINGNESS TO UNDERSTAND BY TRUE PERCEPTION, SOMETHING THAT ODYSSEUS IS REFUSING TO LOOK IN THE EYE. LEAVING ODYSSEUS AS THE LAST OF THE LAST ABOARD A SINKING SHIP IN THE MIDDLE OF ZEUS’S MIGHTY STORM IS ONLY THE TERMINAL EVENT. THE DEEPER PUNISHMENT IS HIS OWN REFUSAL TO ADMIT WHEN ENOUGH IS FUCKING ENOUGH. HUBRIS. ONE MAN’S CHOICE. THIS IS WHAT PULLS APART THE INTRICATE WEB THE ODYSSEY WEAVES. AND THE CONSEQUENCES ENDURE: CIVILISATION IS TESTED BY THE TREATMENT OF A STRANGER. ZEUS’S LAW REMAINS RELEVANT IF WE OBSERVE ITS APPLICATIONS IN TODAY’S SOCIOPOLITICAL UNREST. THE POLITICS OF REPRESENTATION IN A TIME LIKE THE ONE WE OCCUPY DO NOT GO UNNOTICED. NOLAN’S DECISIONS ON CASTING, THEMATIC LANGUAGE, VISUALISATION, AND STORYTELLING POSITION HIM IN A VERY DELIBERATE AND SPECIFIC PLACE AMONGST THE STORM OF MODERN CULTURE. WE’VE SEEN SO MANY PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT THE GODDAMN BULLSHIT THAT IS “WOKEISM” IN CINEMA, AND THAT NOLAN IS ONLY PULLING THESE SORTS OF MOVES TO TICK HIS BOXES. THIS IS A FATAL MISSTEP, HOWEVER; AN OVERSIGHT TO AN INTENTIONAL PROVOCATION. AND REALLY– HOW OFTEN DOES THIS HAPPEN IN OUR LIVES TODAY TO THOSE OF US THAT ARE SCAPEGOATED FOR THEIR MERE EXISTENCE? FOR THEIR CHOICES, REGARDLESS OF THEIR MORAL STANDING? FOR EXAMPLE, SINON THOUGHT HE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING. NO ONE ELSE DID. AND ODYSSEUS LET THEM BELIEVE THAT. PERHAPS HE EVEN BELIEVED IT HIMSELF. THE HOLINESS OF OUR BRETHREN, KNOWN OR UNKNOWN, HAS BEEN LOST TO MYTH. IT SEEMS WE HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT THE STRANGER IS SACRED. WHAT THIS FILM ACHIEVES IS A PULL TOWARD THIS ORIGINAL DOCTRINE, BUT ALSO A LAMENTATION ON WHAT WE HAVE ALREADY LOST. ZEUS'S LAW ISN'T JUST BETRAYED THROUGH ODYSSEUS, IT'S FLIPPED — SEE DIVINITY IN THE GRACE OF THE STRANGER, AND YOU WILL FIND THEIR MOST DIVINE QUALITIES. SEE AN ENEMY, AND YOU WILL FIND AN ENEMY. WE ARE TRAINED TO SEE THE WAY WE SEE. WE MUST RECOGNIZE THAT IT IS WITHIN OUR POWER TO TRAIN. IT IS A VISUALISATION OF A WORLD COMING TO TERMS WITH THE VIOLENCE IT HAS INFLICTED ON ITSELF, AND THE INTENTIONAL BLINDERS THAT WE STILL WEAR. NOLAN’S FILM IS A DEEP EXAMINATION OF THE POWER A NARRATIVE CAN HOLD, THE APPEAL OF A MEMORY, AND THE BELIEF IN AN UNRELIABLE NARRATOR. IT'S NOT A DESIRE FOR SOMETHING YOU DON'T HAVE, IT'S A LONGING FOR THAT WHICH YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST AND CANNOT BEAR TO BE WITHOUT. STORIES ARE HOW PEOPLE WAGE WARS, BUILD EMPIRES, AND CONVEY MEANING. THEY ARE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION AS MUCH AS THEY ARE AN OLIVE BRANCH. THE ODYSSEY IS BOTH, AND THE TEXT’S UNRELIABILITY STEEPED IN A RICH, DEVELOPED SET OF PHILOSOPHICAL IDEOLOGY MAKES FOR A FINE RECIPE FOR MODERN DISCOURSE. NOLAN MAKES A CHOICE TO DELIBERATELY MOVE AWAY FROM THE ORIGINAL TEXTUAL CANON IN ORDER TO ASK THE BIGGER QUESTION FOLLOWING ITS EXISTENCE: WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS STORY RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW? IN THIS, THE FILM IS PARTICULARLY POIGNANT, TAKING SERIOUSLY WHAT WE KNEW THEN AND STILL BEING EARNEST IN WHAT WE UNDERSTAND ABOUT LIFE TODAY. IT SERVES A SIMILAR PURPOSE TO OTHER TEXTS THAT STAND THE TEST OF TIME. THE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS THEY PRESENT THROUGH THE MEANS OF FICTION APPEAL TO A WIDE RANGE OF SOCIOPOLITICAL THOUGHT AND ALLOW PEOPLE TO PROJECT THEIR OWN IDEOLOGIES ONTO THOSE TOPICS, CHANGING THEIR MEANINGS INTO SOMETHING TANGIBLE FOR ANY MODERN AUDIENCE, NO MATTER IF YOU’RE A WINDSOCK HEADED SHITMOUTH OR A BLITHERING MOANY NOOKSUCKER, WHICH MOST OF YOU CERTAINLY ARE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE THINGS. EVERYONE CAN FIND AN INTERPRETATION THAT SUITS THEIR PERSONAL NARRATIVE. IF YOU THINK IT AGREES WITH YOU, IT’S BECAUSE IT *DOES*, BUT NEVER ENTIRELY, NEVER WITH CONVICTION. MORE OFTEN, IT CHALLENGES. IT MAY FORCE YOU TO LOOK IN PLACES YOU WOULD RATHER NOT. IT MAY FORCE YOU TO EXAMINE THE WAYS IN WHICH WE HAVE FAILED OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS, WHO STOPPED BEING GUEST-FRIENDS A LONG TIME AGO. IT MAY ASK YOU WHETHER YOU CAN COMPREHEND WHAT ALL OF PARADOX SPACE NEEDS, OR IF YOU ARE SIMPLY REFUSING TO BE PRESENT. AND IT WILL WARN YOU AS IT HAS WARNED ALL OF US TIME AND TIME AGAIN, THAT THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING CANNOT STAY THAT WAY. HEED THE ADVICE OF ATHENA: WHO DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THUNDER? FIRE?
DO I HAVE BUG EYES. BE HONEST.
GREAT TALKS IN #ABCC #ABCCGMT’S FILM CLUB FORUM. A WELCOME DISTRACTION FOR ME RIGHT NOW. #GETIN. #MOVIEKAT HTTPS://MSPARP.CHAT/ABCCFILMCLUB
I POSTED THIS ON MY SEVERANCE THREAD ON MY PAGE, BUT FELT IT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO LET EVERYONE ELSE WHO ISN’T KEEPING UP WITH THE TAG OR MY PAGE KNOW ABOUT IT. SO NOW THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM. I HAVE FINISHED SEVERANCE SEASON ONE. I HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING BUSY THAT I’M NOT GOING TO POST PER-EPISODE FOR THE LATTER HALF OF SEASON ONE, BUT JUST KNOW I HAVE *THOUGHTS*, AND I AM PHYSICALLY RESTRAINING MYSELF FROM TYPING AN ANTHOLOGY FOR YOUR SAKE AND MY OWN. MY TAKEAWAYS, WITHOUT RECAPPING THE PLOT, BECAUSE AGAIN, NOBODY HAS THE SPONGECELLS: THE INNIES LEARN A SNIPPET OF WHAT THEIR LIVES ARE RESPECTIVELY LIKE FOR THEIR OUTIES DUE TO THE OVERTIME CONTINGENCY CONSPIRACY THEY PULL OFF, AND HOLY SHIT?! HELLY IS AN EGAN? AND SHE’S KIND OF DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR FURTHERING LUMON’S BULLSHIT. AND WE LEARN THAT MARK’S WIFE IS ***ALIVE***, AND SHE’S… MISS CASEY?! FUCKKKKKK. OH MY GOD. I NEED A MINUTE. WHAT THE FUCKING BARFING SHITTING FUCK IS THE WAFFLE PARTY ABOUT. UGH, IT GIVES ME SHIVERS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. THERE’S DEFINITELY SOMETHING HEINOUSLY CULTY ABOUT LUMON (DUH), FROM THE WEIRD ORGY DANCE CEREMONY POOR DYLAN HAD TO EXPERIENCE TO THE HUMAN SCIENTOLOGY REFERENCES DOWN TO EVEN KIER EGAN’S FACE BEING ON ALL OF THE LICENSE PLATES AND RESTAURANTS BEING NAMED BY THE FOUR TEMPERS, IT’S CLEAR THEY’RE RUNNING THIS SHIT. BUT WHAT’S THE *PURPOSE*. THAT’S WHAT I’M MISSING. MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE I’M NOT A PSYCHO AND THEREFORE DON’T THINK LIKE ONE, BUT I CAN’T SEEM TO MAKE THE COMPLETE CONNECTION JUST YET. I’M ALREADY EAGERLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WATCHING AND SUBSEQUENTLY REWATCHING ALL THE REST OF THE EPISODES. HAVE THIS GODAWFUL SCREEN GRAB OF SETH THAT MAKES MY PUSHER DROP INTO MY ASSHOLE. #MOVIEKAT #SEVERANCE HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/E433084A0106.JPEG
SEE THAT? ANKLE-MONITOR FREE. WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK. SOMEONE SHOULD BUY ME A DRINK TO CELEBRATE. IN FACT, THERE’S A LOT TO CELEBRATE RIGHT NOW. #FEETFRIDAY BEING ONE OF THEM. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/0CD1B3193E98.PNG ((CREDS TO RATKINGBUFFET ON TUMBLR <3))
Skunks aren't mustelids, s-o-o- yes. Y-o-o-u're wr-o-o-ng.
I HAVE FINISHED SEVERANCE SEASON ONE. I HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING BUSY THAT I’M NOT GOING TO POST PER-EPISODE FOR THE LATTER HALF OF SEASON ONE, BUT JUST KNOW I HAVE *THOUGHTS*, AND I AM PHYSICALLY RESTRAINING MYSELF FROM TYPING AN ANTHOLOGY FOR YOUR SAKE AND MY OWN. MY TAKEAWAYS, WITHOUT RECAPPING THE PLOT, BECAUSE AGAIN, NOBODY HAS THE SPONGECELLS: THE INNIES LEARN A SNIPPET OF WHAT THEIR LIVES ARE RESPECTIVELY LIKE FOR THEIR OUTIES DUE TO THE OVERTIME CONTINGENCY CONSPIRACY THEY PULL OFF, AND HOLY SHIT?! HELLY IS AN EGAN? AND SHE’S KIND OF DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR FURTHERING LUMON’S BULLSHIT. AND WE LEARN THAT MARK’S WIFE IS ***ALIVE***, AND SHE’S… MISS CASEY?! FUCKKKKKK. OH MY GOD. I NEED A MINUTE. WHAT THE FUCKING BARFING SHITTING FUCK IS THE WAFFLE PARTY ABOUT. UGH, IT GIVES ME SHIVERS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. THERE’S DEFINITELY SOMETHING HEINOUSLY CULTY ABOUT LUMON (DUH), FROM THE WEIRD ORGY DANCE CEREMONY POOR DYLAN HAD TO EXPERIENCE TO THE HUMAN SCIENTOLOGY REFERENCES DOWN TO EVEN KIER EGAN’S FACE BEING ON ALL OF THE LICENSE PLATES AND RESTAURANTS BEING NAMED BY THE FOUR TEMPERS, IT’S CLEAR THEY’RE RUNNING THIS SHIT. BUT WHAT’S THE *PURPOSE*. THAT’S WHAT I’M MISSING. MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE I’M NOT A PSYCHO AND THEREFORE DON’T THINK LIKE ONE, BUT I CAN’T SEEM TO MAKE THE COMPLETE CONNECTION JUST YET. I’M ALREADY EAGERLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WATCHING AND SUBSEQUENTLY REWATCHING ALL THE REST OF THE EPISODES. HAVE THIS GODAWFUL SCREEN GRAB OF SETH THAT MAKES MY PUSHER DROP INTO MY ASSHOLE. #MOVIEKAT #SEVERANCE HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/E433084A0106.JPEG
❤ Getting compliments on my PFP I think is great motivation to finally post the whole thing <3 <3 <3 https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/211c64b5ceda.png ❤
I am a cute little puzzle boy playing with my puzzle
DO YOU NEED A #CULLMOMMY? HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/3262FD57E1C1.JPEG HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/1684BE9DC34D.JPEG HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/30B2A88B66F6.JPEG #NSFW #BEFORANCULLING
BEFORE YOU ASK: NO, I DIDN’T FALL IN. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/EBAEDEB61489.JPEG
@ANONYMOUSECATALOG JUST POSTED THIS CANDID OF ME GETTING BENT OVER AND ROYALLY COMPLETELY FUCKED. WHAT’S THE VERDICT? HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/7475E40B072A.JPG #SUGGESTIVE #HIVEARREST
:33 < Oh yes!! If you ever have a scoop fur me my ears are wiiiide open!!
FUCK DO YOU MEAN. 「VANISHED.」 I'M RIGHT HERE. 0u0
:33 < Purreaking!! We have an update on the #Situation concerning Karkat Vantas and Damara Megido's arrests the other night!! :33 < The pair was arrested outside of the Rusty Spade the night of the 16th on multiple counts of aggravated assault and resisting culling. :33 < Mew leaked photos show their arrest outside of the Rusty Spade bar!! :33 < Karkat Vantas was bailed out the following night, and is now on hive arrest, while Damara remains at large after having vanished furom her cell! :33 < Her whereabouts are currently unknown, and the Cull Brigade is searching fur her. :33 < Unfurtunately I could not get my paws on the uncensored version of Mistfur Vantas's arrest photo, so all those juicy details about what may be hidden undfur that censor bar are left up to the imagination... #BefuranCulling #KarkatVantas #MissingPersons #PersonOfInterest #Drama #Gossip #JailBird #Leak #LeakedPhotos #Arrested #CensoredGills?? #WhatIsHeHiding!!! #JailedCuties #MogShots # LeakedImages #CullingStruggle #YuriBait #NipSlip [images submitted by @chelifurmGyves and @handMaid <3]
:33 < Awww thank you!! :33 < Somenyan has to be the one to say it!!
:33 < Controversial!! Should you give your lusus a palmhusk? :33 < Some sources indicate yes! :33 < Although your lusus may not be able to speak in the traditional manfur that doesn't mean they can't expurress themselves! :33 < Following is a statement furom my own lusus! ":33 < HGGHRHJKSKNHRHjhdhj937ywhll dhhhhhhhhhhr rhhsklrppuwuh dbbwh72727yagnrhrhjjjjjjjshwjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjueywyeyy beheheuuehehehop!!!&÷hehhwj......&^÷hhrheioue77f749" :33 < How infurmative!! Thank you Pounce! #Sponsorship #IHuskSponsor #Controversial #HotTopic #Drama #Debate
Lik£, OMG. Lik£, AW£SOM£!!!!! Lik£, im lik£, Corvo£. Lik£, WOW. Lik£, LOL.
I CAN’T WIN SHIT IN THIS WORLD.
THE #FELTOPENING IS FUZZY. I WOKE UP WITH THIS AS NOT ONLY MY PALMHUSK LOCK SCREEN, BUT MY HUSKTOP, MY TELEVISION LOADING SCREEN, AND SOMEHOW ALSO TAPED TO THE MIRROR IN MY ABLUTIONBLOCK. THANK YOU @GALLOWSCALIBRATOR#0701, I’M SURE YOU DIDN’T ALSO SEND THIS TO FUCKING EVERYBODY YOU KNOW. FEATURING @CENTAURSTURMOIL TOO. DON’T WE ALL LOOK SO CUTE. I AM BEING PLEASANT AND AGREEABLE, AND I WILL GENTLY LOWER A MAGNIFICENT, CORUSCATING COLUMN OF HOT FUCK YOU DOWN THE PROTEIN CHUTE OF ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/059A9C647786.PNG
[DEATH BY BEHEADING] <[WE'RE LOOKING FOR CONTESTANTS! YOU! Yes, YOU! Want to get RICH quick? IMPRESS your quadrant? Make your custodian PROUD? Feel the THRILL and have an unforgettable time? Then you belong with US! We’re looking for the BRAVEST, most DARING, and most DETERMINED trolls ready to compete and tear each other’s THROATS out in a thrilling game of LIFE AND DEATH! The winner takes it all! Think you can SURPRISE us? Then stay tuned for when applications open! I’m your host RGABIE ADAMAN, and I welcome you to WHEEL OF TORTURE!]
Chittr? I think I'd prefer to listen to actual bugs! Grahahahahahaha
Ugly? Might need to get your prescription checked! Grahahahahaha
not that i dont love a fun bit but why did someone fully lean closer to sniff me as i walked by. they didnt even give me a chance to do it back which is the most upsetting part lowkey
I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING NASTY, BUT GENUINELY, THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE. GOOD JOB, EVEN THOUGH I OBJECTIVELY DON’T LOOK LIKE A BUG.
wOW, tHIS IS SO GOOD, i LIKE HIS ANGRY LITTLE FACE, eHEHE,
yEAH, i LOOK FORWARD TO, eNJOYING, (i PURPOSEFULLY AM AVOIDING SAYING, sEEING, hERE, bOTH BECAUSE OF YOUR BLINDNESS AND BECAUSE, tHERE 1S MORE TO ART, tHAN V1SUALS, eVEN IN THE CASE OF, vISUAL ART) WHATEVER IT IS, yOU CREATE,
WHAT THE FUCKK THATS SO BEAUTIFUL??????? :O girl this is amaaaziinggg omgg i love it!!! <333
I DON'T WANT THIS.
HELLO. BITCHES AND THE BITCHLESS. IT IS I. THE HAND. MAID. I HAVE JUST WATCHED. THE BEST MOVIE. I HAVE EVER GANDERED. WITH THESE TWO. FLASHING. GANDERBULBS. IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. AND THAT IS REALLY FUCKING SAYING SOMETHING. BECAUSE I AM SUCH AN OLD. GRODY. BITCH. AND BECAUSE IT IS SO GOOD. GOOD ENOUGH THAT I ENDORSE IT. WITH MY WHOLE. SAGGY. AORTICALLY COLLAPSED. PUSHER. I HAVE DECIDED. TO WRITE AN ENTIRE REVIEW. ON THE LEGENDARY QUALITY. AND TIMELESS AMUSEMENT. OF THIS MOVIE. THIS IS MY FULL-LENGTH REVIEW. ON THE 2015. LUCASFILMS JUKEBOX MUSICAL. STRANGE MAGIC. STRANGE MAGIC IS MANY THINGS. A FANTASY FILM. A SHAKESPEARIAN PERMUTATION. A NINETY-NINE-MINUTE BUTCHERY OF SOME REAL. CLASSIC. BANGERS. AND A SCREAMING ABATTOIR. OF FLAT-OUT MISOGYNY. THE LIKES OF WHICH. COULD ONLY BE WRITTEN BY A WASHED-OUT FANTASY NERD WITH AN ORAL FIXATION AND A LUST FOR THE SWEET. PLASTICKY. SEX APPEAL. OF COMPUTER-GENERATED FREAKS. WHO APPARENTLY WANTED TO MAKE A FILM FOR HIS THREE FEMALE DESCENDANTS. AND FOR FIFTEEN YEARS OF PRODUCTION. DREAMED OF MAKING "STAR WARS BUT FOR SIX SWEEP-OLD GIRLS." LIKE SOME KIND OF FUCKING MANIAC. BUT ABOVE ALL OF THESE THINGS. AT ITS SWEET. SENTIMENTAL CORE. WRAPPED IN LAYERS OF HOT. REEKING GARBAGE. LIKE A BEAUTIFUL ROSEBUD. AT ITS ROSEATE CENTER. IT IS THE BEST KIND OF MOVIE. IT IS. A ROMANCE. A ROMANCE ABOUT TWO NAIVE DUMBFUCKS. WHO HAVE BEEN BURNED SO BADLY BY LOVE. THAT THEY HAVE FORMED A THICK. PRICKLY. IMPENETRABLE CRUST. LIKE A FULL SUIT OF PLATE ARMOR. MADE OF SCAR TISSUE. TO PREVENT THEMSELVES FROM EVER FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN. AND IT IS FOR THIS EXACT MUTUAL BADDIESHIP. THAT THESE TWO DIPSHITS. TUMBLE INTO THE HOTTEST. STEAMIEST. MOST UNLIKELY. AND VISCERALLY UNPLEASANT TO WATCH MATESPRITSHIP. EVER SEEN ON THE SCREEN. ALSO THEY ARE FAIRIES. SO IF YOU ARE ONE OF THE TROLLS OUT THERE. WHOSE GOSSAMER WINGS ARE ALREADY AFLUTTER WITH UNCHECKED AROUSAL. AT THE MERE CONCEPT THUS FAR. THIS ONE. IS FOR THE GIRLIES. LET US FIRST BEGIN. WITH A BRIEF SYNOPSIS. SPOILERS AHEAD. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO WATCH. THIS LOIN-ROILING. CINEMATIC. MASTERPIECE. FIRST-HAND. LONG AGO. IN A FOREST FAR. FAR AWAY. THERE IS A REALM DIVIDED. BETWEEN THE FAIRY KINGDOM. AND THE DARK FOREST. AND IN THIS REALM. THERE EXISTS A FAIRY. THE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY, TO BE EXACT. WHO CAN TURN PRIMROSE PETALS. INTO LOVE POTIONS. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DETAIL OF THE MOVIE. SO DO NOT. FUCKING. FORGET THIS. FROM THE FAIRY KINGDOM COMES PRINCESS MARIANNE. WHO IS A NAIVE. ROYAL. BIMBO TART. DIPSHIT. WHO IMMEDIATELY FINDS OUT. THAT HER PHILANDERING ASSCLOWN FIANCE. ROLAND. A BLOND, SELF-ABSORBED FUCKFACE. WITH THE MOST SNATCHED WAIST. OF ANY MAN. TO EVER SWING AROUND. A COUNTRY BOY ACCENT. IS CHEATING ON HER. WITH SOME NAMELESS HUSSIE. WHO IS NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN. AND MARIANNE IS SO RIGHTFULLY PUMP-SMASHED OVER HIS BULLSHIT. THAT SHE GETS GUSSIED UP IN HER FINEST EYELINER MADE OF BLUEBERRIES. AND DRESSES LIKE A PROPER MEAN BITCH. AND VOWS OFF OF LOVE. FOREVER. NOW. MEANWHILE. IN THE DARK FOREST. WHERE THE REAL. SLIMY. FREAKS OF THE FEY WORLD LIVE. WE MEET. THE REAL. HIGHLIGHT OF THIS FILM. A BAD BITCH. OF SUCH DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS. LIP-BITING. AURA-FARMING. TROLL HENRY SELICK DESIGN LOOKING-ASS. GRUMBLR SEXYMAN APPEAL. THAT THEY SEALED THE FUCKING DEAL. BY CASTING HIM AS RENOWNED STAR OF SCREEN AND STAGE. ALAN CUMMING. WHOSE LAST NAME. IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING. AS SOON AS HE SANG HIS FIRST MUSICAL NUMBER. IF YOU WANT TO DRAW ART OF ME. *COPIOUS* ART OF ME. VIOLENTLY TONGUEING THAT MAN. ON HIS HOT MOUTH. OR ANY OTHER. SIMILARLY. SAUCY. SELF-INDULGENT FANART. PLEASE. PLEASE DO SO. AND SHOW IT TO ME. NO MATTER WHAT I SAY. OR DO. AFTER THIS. BECAUSE THAT IS SIMPLY MY PRONGHINGE-JERK REFLEX. LEAVING ME UNABLE TO OPENLY. AND GLEEFULLY ACCEPT. THE BOUNTY. OF THE BOOTY. SO JUST HEAP THAT SHIT ON ME. FULL SPEED AHEAD. WHERE WAS I. I GOT LOST THERE FOR A MINUTE. YES. THE BOG KING. MY BELOVED BAD BOY. HE HAS ORDERED THAT ALL THE PRIMROSES IN THE REALM BE CUT. AND HAS IMPRISONED THE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY. SO THAT NO MORE LOVE POTIONS CAN BE MADE. BECAUSE HE HAS ALSO. SWORN OFF OF LOVE. FOREVER. FOR A REASON HE ADAMANTLY REFUSES TO ELABORATE ON. NO MATTER HOW MUCH EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MINION IN HIS WHOLE KINGDOM. POKES HIM ABOUT IT. BUT THEY CONSTANTLY ALLUDE TO SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED LONG AGO. IN HIS TRAGIC. SEXY. BACKSTORY. WHO HURT HIM. I WANT TO KNOW. I NEEDED TO KNOW. THAT IS WHY I WATCHED THE WHOLE FILM. NOW STRAP IN. YOU WEAK-WILLED STOOGES. BECAUSE HERE. IS WHERE THE SHIT. GETS GOING. YOU SEE. MARIANNE. HAS A SISTER. DAWN. WHO IS A CHIPPER. SACCHARINE. BALL OF SUNSHINE. THE KIND THAT WOULD MELT THE FLESH. RIGHT OFF YOUR BONES. AND THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN WITHSTAND. HER FULL FORCE BEAUTIFIC IMMOLATION. IS A SHORT. UNFLATTERINGLY CARICATURIZED ELF. NAMED SUNNY. GET IT. DAWN. SUNNY. YOU MAY LAUGH NOW. WELL THIS IS IMPORTANT. BECAUSE WHEN ROLAND SHOWS UP TO ASK MARIANNE TO FORGIVE HIM. WITH A SONG THAT ADMITTEDLY KIND OF FUCKS. AND SHE THROWS HIS ASS OUT. WITH A SONG THAT FUCKING SUCKS. THIS SMARMY. CREEPY. COWBOY SLUT. CONVINCES SUNNY TO SNEAK INTO THE DARK FOREST. FIND THE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY. BRING A PRIMROSE PETAL. AND BRING BACK A LOVE POTION. WITH WHICH TO DUBCON THE BAD BITCH. HE SO EGREGIOUSLY FUMBLED. BUT WHEN HE DOES. AND THE BOG KING SHOWS UP. TO ROCK MY UGLY PANTIES. WITH SUCH ENORMOUS FORCE. THAT IT REHYDRATES A BARREN RIVERBED. THAT LAY DUSTY AND RUINOUS. FOR UNTOLD EONS. WITH HIS OPENING NUMBER. ALL OF THE SHIT. HITS THE OSCILLATING WIND DEVICE. DAWN IS HIT WITH THE LOVE POTION. MY BEAUTIFUL BOGGY WOGGY DEMANDS THAT THE POTION BE RETURNED. THIS LITTLE. FUCKASS IMP. WHO IS THE EXACT SIZE, HEIGHT, AND LEVEL OF DIPSHIT INTELLECT AS THE GREEN MANLET WHO SIGNS MY CHECKS. WHO SHOULD DEFINITELY BE READING THIS REVIEW RIGHT NOW. STEALS THE POTION AND JUST STARTS SPRAYING THAT SHIT ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE. TURNING THE WHOLE FOREST. INTO ONE FUCKED UP. SAUCY. INTERSPECIES. TONGUEFEST. MARIANNE GOES AFTER HER ENSORCELLED CLUTCHSISTER. ROLAND GATHERS AN ARMY. AND WORST. OF ALL. THAT DUMB. FAWNING BITCH. DAWN. HAS THE RAW UNMITIGATED *GUMPTION.* TO FALL MAGICALLY IN LOVE. WITH MY BOGGY WOGGY. THE CONNIVING WHORE. I WILL FEED HER ASS ON A PLATTER. TO THE ANGEL OF DOUBLE DEATH ITSELF. FOR STEPPING ON MY MAN. BY NOW. THE MORE LITERATE. AND LESS CULTURALLY PAN-DEAD AMONG YOU. HAVE PROBABLY SURMISED THAT THIS IS ESSENTIALLY THE PLOT OF A MIDPERIHELION LIGHT'S DREAM. SO I WILL SKIP SOME OF THE FINER POINTS. FOR REDUNDANT BREVITY. THE MAIN POINT IS THAT THE MOMENT THIS FILM COMES ONLINE. IN A BIG. BIG. WAY. IS WHEN MARIANNE CONFRONTS THE BOG KING. IN A FEVERISH. FRONDSTUB-CURLING. MELEE. WHERE THEY REALIZE THAT THEY ARE EVENLY MATCHED. NOT ONLY IN FIGHTING ABILITY. BUT IN THE DEPTH OF THE WOUNDS DEALT TO THEIR PUSHERS. BY THEIR LOSSES OF LOVE. AND THE DEATH OF THEIR INNOCENCE. AND IN THEIR MUTUAL DESIRE TO FREE DAWN OF THE SPELL. THESE TWO SCORNED. LOVELESS BADDIES. REALIZED THAT THEIR FREAK. MATCHES EACH OTHER'S FREAK. IN A WAY NO FREAK. OF ANY SPECIES. EVER HAS. THIS WAS THE MOMENT. THAT IT ALL REALLY BEGAN TO MAKE SENSE TO ME. I BEGAN TO SEE MYSELF IN MARIANNE'S PETITE. ONE INCH-TALL. SHOES. I SAW THE PAIN OF MY PAST IN HER. AND THROUGH HER GANDERBULBS. SAW EVERYTHING THAT SHE SAW. IN THAT THORNY. RAW. MISTREATED. LOVEBOAT. AND FROM THAT MOMENT ON. THIS MOVIE. BECAME UNIRONICALLY GOOD. FUCK THE HIT-OR-MISS SONG QUALITY. FUCK THE DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE ANIMATION. THAT WOULD MAKE TROLL STAR WARS'S WATTO. LOOK LIKE SOME FORGETTABLE. NOTHING SHIT. WITH ALL THE FUCKING. MAW SHOTS. WHICH I WILL POST IMAGES OF. BECAUSE THIS SHIT NEEDS TO BE SEEN. TO BE BELIEVED. AND FUCK THE GOD-AWFUL. GRUBFORSAKEN PACING OF THIS WHOLE SLURRYPOOL SHITFEST. BECAUSE I SHIT YOU NOT. THE ROMANCE BETWEEN THESE TWO. IS ACTUALLY KIND OF FUN TO WATCH. I FOUND MYSELF ROOTING FOR THEM AT EVERY TURN. EVEN THE DOWNTURNS. AND THE TWISTS. BECAUSE I WANTED THAT TO BE ME. WITH ALL MY PUSHER. ALL MY SOUL. AND EVERY MOTE OF DUST. IN MY DRY. BARREN. REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THEIR FIRST DATE. COMES WITH THE EPONYMOUS SONG OF THE FILM. WHICH IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE HITS AS FAR AS THE MUSIC GOES. AND LET ME TELL YOU. THE PAYOFF. IS WORTH. EVERY POSTURE POLE-TINGLING. CHUTE-CLENCHING MOMENT. OF ANTICIPATION. I'M NOT KIDDING. SHE KIND OF TICKLES HIS ASSHOLE. FULLY ON-SCREEN. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. WATCH THE MOVIE IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME. BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAST I WILL SAY. ON THE MATTER. THIS MOVIE. OPENED MY GANDERBULBS WIDE. TO WHAT A ROMANCE COULD BE. GONE IS MY PURE. SEETHING INDIFFERENCE. FOR REDROM. AND THE ENEMIES TO FLUSHMATES TROPE. THIS SHIT. IS PURE. MUSICAL. CRACK. IF ANYTHING. THE MISOGYNY. AND THE UNCOMFORTABLE MINORITY DEPICTIONS. MAKE IT BETTER. AND MORE FLAVORFUL. FOR THE REAL. TROLLS. OF CULTURE. IN THE AUDIENCE. TAKE NINETY-NINE MINUTES OUT OF YOUR DAY. RIGHT NOW. WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE. OR WOULD LIKE TO LOVE. AND WATCH THIS MASTERPIECE. OF AN ANIMATED. SCUTTLETRAINWRECK. AND WHEN YOU DO. THINK OF ME. AND MY DERANGED. FACE-SPLITTING. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CHOCOLATE CHEESED SMILE. THROUGH THE ENTIRE THING. HEE HEE. HOO HOO. HAA HAA. IN SUMMARY. STRANGE MAGIC RECEIVES. TEN OUT OF TEN HAIRPINS. STUCK STRAIGHT THROUGH MY BESOTTED BULBS. SO THAT THE LAST IMAGE IMPRINTED ON MY GANDERNERVES. IS OF MY REAL DARK OVERLORD. THE REALEST STICKBUG. IF YOU REPLACE THE "ST" IN THAT WORD WITH THE LETTER "D." MY #BOGGYWOGGY. TO WHOM I CONSIDER MYSELF. LAWFULLY. AND LEGALLY MARRIED. AND IF YOU ARE STILL ON THE FENCE. ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT. YOU SHOULD DEDICATE. AN ENTIRE. IRREVOCABLE MORNING. TO SITTING YOUR WORTHLESS ASS IN FRONT OF YOUR VIEWSCREEN. AND JAMMING ALONG. TO TROLL LUCAS'S UNSUNG. BUT ALSO LITERALLY SUNG. OEUVRE. THEN TO QUOTE THE TITLE OF THE HIT SONG. BY BIG CITY GERMS. WHICH YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS REVIEW. "DO IT." ANYWAYS. THAT IS ALL. #NSFW #NSFWE JUST BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT HOLD IT TOGETHER. WHILE I WROTE THIS REVIEW. ME. DAMARA. THE HAND. MAID. WITH MY OWN TYPESTUBS. ALSO. FOR NO REASON AT ALL. SOMEONE SHOULD GO AND LET KARKAT OUT OF MAIDJAIL. BECAUSE THE FUMES. FROM THE ATTEMPT. TO CREATE A WATER CLOCK. IN ORDER TO PERMIT TIME TO PASS. VIA A LIGHTER. CHOPPED-UP FURNITURE. A KETTLE MADE OF THE MOP BUCKET. AND SOME PARADOX-STRENGTH DISINFECTANT. TO CREATE A MICROCLIMATE THAT WOULD DRIP CONDENSATION INTO A NEARBY VESSEL. TO THEREFORE PERCEIVE THE PASSAGE OF TIME. THEREBY PERMITTING JUST ENOUGH CONSEQUENCE. FOR HIM TO TRY AND SMASH A HOLE IN THE FOURTH WALL. IS CURRENTLY FILLING THE ROOM WITH DEADLY FUMES. AND UNLESS HE CAN PUT THIS STUPID FUCKING WIGGLER CHAIR THROUGH THIS SCREEN. IN THE NEXT SIXTY SECONDS. HE IS PROBABLY GOING TO FUCKING DIE. PLEASE HEART REACT. AND FOLLOW. FOR MORE SAUCY. BOG KING. CONTENT. ESPECIALLY @TIPSYGNOSTALGIC#2248. AND @GUTSYGUMSHOE. WHO WILL KNOW. EXACTLY. WHAT THE FUCK. IS UP. AS PROMISED. ENJOY THE #MAWSHOTS.
STATISTICALLY I HAVE TO BE. I'M ELIMINATING OPTIONS ONE BY ONE DAY BY DAY AND I JUST KNOW THAT SOON I'LL FIND IT. THE BEAUTIFUL SLICE THAT ELUDES ME. THAT HAUNTS MY EVERY DAYMARE LIKE A BEWITCHING LOVER LOST TO MY QUADRANTS FAR TOO EARLY.
PELOZI'S PIZZA PALACE ON 72 AND HERALD - TROLL KINGDOM.
B33 < drop the name/location karkat I gotta s33 if this ones in my timeline B33 < do they charge reasonably or do they oversell it
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER PIZZA PLACE TO TRY. I'M STILL SEARCHING FOR ANYWHERE ON EARTH-C WHERE THEY ACTUALLY GET THIS SHIT PERFECT. I'M TALKING THE OPTION FOR STUFFED CRUST, A CRISPY BASE, ADEQUATE GREASE AND PLENTY OF CHEESE. I DON'T CARE WHAT HUMAN '''ITALIANS''' THINK- THE TRADITIONAL STYLE OF FLAVOR DISCS IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. YOU MEAN YOU'RE PAYING FOR SOMEONE TO SKIMP ON THE CHEESE AND FLOUNDER A BUNCH OF GREEN SHIT ON THERE HAPHAZARDLY? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. TODAY'S SLICE ACTUALLY GOT PRETTY FUCKING CLOSE. MY FAVORED TOPPING IS PEPPERONI WITH EXTRA CHEESE AND THEY SURE AS HELL DELIVERED ON THE EXTRA CHEESE PART. THIS SHIT HAS A CHEESE PULL STRAIGHT OUT OF THE ONE IN WHICH AN ANTHROMORPHIC BARKBEAST AND HIS BARKBEAST SON HAVE TO TRAVERSE THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF BEING CARETAKER AND GRUB WHILE ON A SCUTTLEBUGGY TRIP ACROSS THE ALTERNIAN MAIN CONTINENT TO GO FISHING BUT THE KID WANTS TO GO SEE A CONCERT INSTEAD TO IMPRESS HIS FLUSH CRUSH. THE ONLY THING THIS LOSES POINTS FOR IS THAT THE PEPPERONI IS LESS CRISP THAN I'D LIKE. IT SHOULD HOLD THE GREASE LIKE A CUP, PERFECT FOR GETTING ALL OVER YOUR NASTY CHIN AND MAKING YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR LATER AND WONDER WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. ANYWAY, STILL A SOLID 8/10 BUT NOT PERFECT. THE SEARCH CONTINUES. #FOODPOSTING #THESLICESEARCH
Eating crayons.
nOW THIS WAS A FUN RUN, fLYING MIGHT JUST BE THE BEST TYPE, eVEN IF IT IS ONLY REALLY EVER, a SECONDARY TYPING? dELIBIRD HERE WAS, aCTUALLY INCREDIBLE, tHEY GAVE HIM rEFRIGERATE, fAKE oUT, aND eXTREMESPEED, aND THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH ALL HE NEEDED TO TAKE OUT, sOME IMPORTANT THREATS, HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/1B024426DBD1.JPG
@adiosToreador Your next FLARP is going to be truly epic, Orbie tells me. It truly will be akin to a gigantomachy in scale, a war between giants and gods through a proxy body, and you will have your work cut out for you. Also, Terezi said she would be down to play in it, but that isn’t part of the fortune. She just let me know. Exciting news. #askorbie ; my apologies for the delay. The Gift comes when it wants.
lIFE COULD BE DREAM,
↘️i am so sorry for not being able to catch this image the second it was posted.↘️ ↗️I WAS LOCKED IN, MISTER AMPORA.↗️ ↘️but i am about to paint you an illustrious image.↘️ ↗️PICTURE ME, AN OFFICEDRONE↗️ ↘️(not like that)↘️ ↗️CREATING A SPREADSHEET TO PROPERLY ORGANIZE THE CHANGING SHIFTS OF MY LESSER COWORKERS.↗️ ↘️the trolls they scrape off the floor at nutrient consumption establishments and put to labor, as if they are capable of any thought higher than "i need to wake up tonight and suckle down a puck-shaped meat patty of debatable tenderness and also succulence."↘️ ↗️NOT ENTIRELY UNSIMILAR TO THE ALGAE AND THE OTHER MICROORGANISMS ADHERED TO YOUR BOAT.↗️ ↘️what i would give to be there with you.↘️ ↗️FOR POSSIBLY THE FIRST TIME IN MY SEVERAL SOLAR SWEEPS SPENT BASKING IN MY EMPLOYMENT, I AM WISHING I COULD FORSAKE IT ALL.↗️ ↘️i would literally give anything to be there.↘️ ↗️THE FIRST THING I AM NOTICING ABOUT THIS IMAGE IS NOT EVEN THE REFINED CLOTHING↗️ ↘️or lack thereof↘️ ↗️IT IS THE CRISP, UNDERSTATED LUXURY OF A GOOD SHIP.↗️ ↘️you have removed yourself from the color pallet typically denoting the royal lineage of your blood color.↘️ ↗️FORESAKEN THE TYPICAL SCHEME ASSOCIATED WITH THE RULING CLASS IN LIEU OF OPTING FOR HIGH VISIBILITY OPTICS AND A MORE MUTED, UNDERSTATED SENSE OF REGALITY.↗️ ↘️in removing the violet, you have only managed to make its presence more prominent.↘️ ↗️BY CONTRASTING YOUR FORM AGAINST THE PALE, STURDY FIGURE OF BOTH THE SHIP↗️ ↘️and that hunk of squishy, biologically inferior but ultimately still capable and vastly more responsible, human male meat↘️ ↗️YOU HAVE FURTHER STATED YOUR SOCIAL INFLUENCE AND INNATE BULB OF BUSINESS WITHOUT EVEN SAYING ANY WORDS.↗️ ↘️by lowering yourself, you have ascended.↘️ ↗️BY BEING STILL, YOU HAVE DONE IT ALL.↗️ ↘️you have fought a war without even lifting one of your muscular, strong prongs outward to command your army of underclassmen and pieces of bloodshed fodder to do your bidding.↘️ ↗️BUT YOU WOULD NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO TELL THAT MUCH, THE STARK LINE OF MUSCULATURE THAT EXTENDS FROM THE FLARE OF YOUR GILLS TO THE SLOPE OF YOUR TRUNKONOUS PECTORALS, STATING THAT YOU ARE ANYTHING BUT SOME KIND OF PASSIVE, LAZY MONARCH.↗️ ↘️you are an active ruler, an antagonist against those bathing themselves in the water of funemployment.↘️ ↗️A GREAT OCEAN FINBEAST, WITH ROWS OF FANGS SO NUMEROUS THAT THE ONLY THING I AM LEFT SAYING IS↗️ ↘️"we need a bigger boat."↘️ ↗️YOU ARE SMELLING BLOOD IN THE WATER, AN APEX PREDATOR WITH THE HONED PHYSIQUE AND BIOLOGY TO BACK IT UP.↗️ ↘️an essence of vicious business acumen that is sure to send every feeble investor and lesser-panned predator alike quivering in the wake of your attentions.↘️ ↗️YOU ARE MAKING WAVES, BOTH LITERALLY AND METAPHORICALLY, KNOCKING DOWN PROSPECTIVE ENEMIES BEFORE THEY HAVE EVEN DEIGNED TO↗️ ↘️foolishly↘️ ↗️RAISE THEIR WEAPONS AGAINST YOU.↗️ ↘️now, there is little in this image to dissect in regards to your fashion.↘️ ↗️I AM TYPICALLY QUICK TO PICK OUT THE FLATTERING CUTS OF MATERIAL, THE CURVATURE OF YOUR TAILORED UNIFORM, THE LOWLIGHTS THAT ARE TURNED INTO HIGHLIGHTS BY THE CAREFULLY MANUFACTURED AND CORPORATE IMAGE YOU HAVE BEEN PORTRAYING IN TANDEM WITH THE EVER-FLATTERING MISS CROCKER.↗️ ↘️you have bowed your crown, but it is solely for adjusting.↘️ ↗️HER DEDICATED, STRONG GRASP CAREFULLY ARRANGING THE PROVERBIAL, ORNATE GEMSTONES OF YOUR HEIRLOOM HATCHRIGHT.↗️ ↘️she possesses many of the traits that you do, a composition of two complete portfolios that has my coffers sweating preemptively at the idea of your↘️ ↗️LUCRATIVE DEALINGS.↗️ ↘️i cannot imagine what goes on behind the vertical support structures of your workblock.↘️ ↗️BUT I LITERALLY WISH WITH ALL OF MY PUSHER THAT ONE NIGHT I AM ABLE TO BE BROUGHT UP TO YOUR LEVEL↗️ ↘️temporarily ascended from the bottom by your firm, broad, guiding, principled, reassuring, smooth, capable, unyielding grasp↘️ ↗️TO "SIT IN" WHILE THE BIG BARKBEASTS DISCUSS PLOTS I CANNOT EVEN CONCEPTUALIZE↗️ ↘️let alone realize↘️ ↗️ON MY OWN TIME.↗️ ↘️i am salivating at the notion, my bodily excretions churning with the sluggish pumping of my↘️ ↗️THRUMMING BLOODPUSHER.↗️ ↘️like i was saying, there is little to denote about this particular serving of fashion and prestige.↘️ ↗️EVERYTHING IS LAID OUT IN ITS MOST SIMPLISTIC FORM, A FAVOR DONE TO ALL TREMBLE-NODED LESSERS.↗️ ↘️our thoughtsponges cannot process an overwhelming amount of information, and you are literally so gracious as to sample us only bite-sized morsels of what we are granted the privilege of witnessing.↘️ ↗️YOU ARE SERVING UP LOOKS ON A NEED-TO-KNOW BASIS.↗️ ↘️and i am living for it.↘️ ↗️I AM CHAMPING AT THE BIT FOR MORE, BUT YOU ARE RESPECTFULLY STRIPPING AWAY EVERY FROUGHT ASPECT WITH THE KINDEST REGARDS TO MY FLOUNDERING THOUGHTCAVERN.↗️ ↘️i do not know where i would be if it weren't for you, but i shudder to imagine.↘️ ↗️WHAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME I WILL TAKE IN BOTH OPEN FONDLEPLANES AND DENOTE WITH AS FEW, SUCCINCT, ACUTE SENTENCES AS POSSIBLE.↗️ ↘️i do not want to make this "hypepost" overly wordy, as we all know that your caegar-squandering unpaid interns cannot possibly possess the IQ points necessary to read this.↘️ ↗️MUCH LESS TAKE IT ALL INTO THEIR DIGESTION CHAMBER AND RUMINATION GLAND FOR A PROPER BREAKDOWN OF THE STAUNCH WORDS OF TRUTH I AM SPITTING LIKE A WAD OF CHEWED RUBBER MASTICATION DEVICES ONTO THE GRASS.↗️ ↘️i have come to understand that "earth c", the planet you are calling home is devoid of all alternian glories↘️ ↗️BARRING YOUR CASTE-DESIGNATED FEATS OF DOMINATION AND ALSO CLASS↗️ ↘️but i can literally only imagine that your slackluster office staff's pans have been corroded by acid rain.↘️ ↗️LITERALLY SO MISFORTUNATE.↗️ ↘️the cut of your pure black swim trousers is possibly one of the most flattering i have ever seen.↘️ ↗️LIKE A WINDING RIVER THROUGH CHISELED, GREY ROCKS, GLISTENING WITH A SHEEN OF WATER↗️ ↘️and in your case↘️ ↗️ALSO PROBABLY SWEAT FROM THE HOT, BEATING HEAT OF EARTH'S UNBEARABLE BUT ULTIMATELY WALKABLE SUN↗️ ↘️i can track your line of influence.↘️ ↗️FROM THE STAUNCH JUT OF VIOLET THAT INFLECTS YOUR CLASS, DOWN THE GENTLE DIVOT OF YOUR BULGING PECTORAL LIFTMUSCLES, OVER THE LANDSCAPE OF YOUR ABDOMEN THAT DIVIDES ITSELF INTO CATEGORICAL DISPLAYS OF YOUR UNDERLAYER↗️ ↘️(abs)↘️ ↗️LIKE A PACKAGE OF PRE-SECTIONED AND PORTIONED GRUBLOAF, DOWN TO THE REINFORCED, WATER WICKING COVERINGS OF YOUR TOP-CLASS SWIM APPEAREL,↗️ ↘️your violet influence reigns supreme.↘️ ↗️THE SLIGHT SHEEN OF THE MATERIAL TO REFLECT THE RIBBINOUS LIFEFLUID THAT COURSES THROUGH YOUR THUNDEROUS VEINS, MATCHING PERFECTLY WITH YOUR GRUBSCARS AND FRILLED GILLMATERIAL↗️ ↘️is almost too perfect.↘️ ↗️YOUR SWIMSHORTS ARE PAYING DIVIDENDS.↗️ ↘️and housing heft funds, i am sure.↘️ ↗️I WOULD BE REMISS TO NOT MENTION THE ADDITION OF YOUR OPPOSING-COLORED DRAWSTRING.↗️ ↘️in my pusher of pushers, i want to believe you are paying homage to your elite employee.↘️ ↗️THAT YOU ARE ENGAGING IN BASE-LEVEL FLATTERIFICS TO GAIN MY FAVOR, AS IF I AM NOT LITERALLY THROWING MYSELF TOWARDS THE SCREEN FOR EVERY PHOTOGRAPH YOU POST AND INTERACTION YOU DEIGN TO ALLOW ME TO HAVE WITH NONE OTHER THAN THE CEO OF AMPORACOIN AND ALSO OTHER STRENUOUS BUSINESSVENTURES.↗️ ↘️but i am not foolish, and i know i am not even deserving of this.↘️ ↗️I KNOW THAT YOU ARE SO SHARP AND HONED IN YOUR PERCEPTION OF OTHERS AND YOUR QUIVERING SIMP OF A SUBORDINATE THAT YOU KNOW THAT I DO NOT EVEN DESERVE IT.↗️ ↘️that i am worth nothing but five taps on your palmhusk screen and waffling acknowledgement.↘️ ↗️IF WE WERE MEETING SNOUT TO SNOUT, I WOULD NOT EVEN DESERVE TO BREATHE THE SAME AIR AS YOU.↗️ ↘️i would instinctively hold mine, as to not suck up your valuable h2o and deprive others of sampling your glory through way of errant germspray and accident-sputum.↘️ ↗️I WOULD BE SHAMEFULLY BLUE IN THE FACE.↗️ ↘️i also do not want you to accidentally smell the exhalation of my yoghurt and baked protein pellet in sweetened brown juicesludge odor, as my midshift meals have↘️ ↗️APPARENTLY↗️ ↘️made me unpleasant to inhale around.↘️ ↗️I AM "BURNING THE INNER FOLLICULAR LINING OFF OF FELLOW TROLLS' SCENTHOLES", ACCORDING TO INHUMANE RESOURCES.↗️ ↘️but that is unimportant, this is literally not even about me.↘️ ↗️IT IS ABOUT YOU.↗️ ↘️your honor.↘️ ↗️YOUR REGALITY.↗️ ↘️your superiority.↘️ ↗️YOUR DRAWSTRING.↗️ ↘️donning a color associated with a lower caste only designates that you are "real" and kind of "aloofly down to earth" with it.↘️ ↗️A PRIME ADVANTAGE OF MARKETING YOURSELF AS THE EVERYMANS' MAN IS THAT YOU ARE NOT JUST ERIDAN, BUT AN IDOL OF THE WORKING LABORS↗️ ↘️a bastion of those who devote themselves prong over grasper for you.↘️ ↗️I AM TRACKING BACK UPWARDS NOW TO YOUR NEWLY BEFITTED SPECTACLES.↗️ ↘️i myself am unable to don protective eyewear, as my vision has so entirely depreciated that i am likely to send myself plummeting from the highest level of my workblock if i were to put them on.↘️ ↗️AND IT HAS ONLY MADE ME MORE JEALOUS OF YOUR STUDIOUSLY DESIGNED SHADERS.↗️ ↘️the stark white carving of your symbol into the lenses do not do anything to impede your vision, i hope.↘️ ↗️BUT IF IT DID, I HAVE LITERALLY NO DOUBT THAT IT WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO BOTHER YOU.↗️ ↘️like an apex prowlerbeast, you do not need vision to know where to land your mark.↘️ ↗️YOU DO NOT NEED YOUR VITAL SENSES TO KNOW WHERE TO HEDGE YOUR BETS.↗️ ↘️(or your funds.)↘️ ↗️YOU ARE ABLE TO INTUIT IT INSTINCTIVELY THROUGH THE SHEER GUIDE OF THE PLATNIUM CARD BULGING A DENT INTO YOUR PADDED POCKETS.↗️ ↘️chumpchange, if you do not make the wisest investment.↘️ ↗️BUT I HAVE NOT KNOWN YOU TO MISS YET, MISTER AMPORA.↗️ ↘️i am eagerly awaiting your next post.↘️ ↗️THE NEXT PIECE OF EVIDENCE THAT YOUR VISAGE CONTINUES TO APPRECIATE IN VALUE, A METEORIC RISE TO THE HIGHEST CLIMBS OF THE IMPERIAL STOCK BOARD, ALL ON MERIT OF YOUR EXUBERANCE AND↗️ ↘️dare i say↘️ ↗️SWWAG.↗️ ↘️please do not forget to tag me next time.↘️ ↗️THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW THINGS THAT KEEPS ME INSPIRED TO PERSIST IN MY STARBOARD WORK ETHIC.↗️ ↘️your clout is groundbreaking, mister ampora.↘️ ↗️I HOPE THIS MESSAGE FINDS YOU WELL.↗️ ↘️signed,↘️ ↗️WROTHE AIARAY.↗️ ↘️your most devoted and overly eager wageslave.↘️ ↗️@caligulasAquarium ↗️ ↘️ https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/fda3e3773ca0.jpg ↘️
i DO!
hOW ABOUT, yOUR FAVORITE fIDUSPAWN OR pOKEMON AND YOU, hANGING OUT?
@gallow2Caliibrator#0701 II have no iidea how the2e human2 could have po22iibly 2uffered u2iing the2e awful priinter2, the driiver2 mu2t have been made the 2ame way they joked iif they put enough monkey2 iin a room wiith a 'typewriiter' that 2omehow '2hake2peare' would be produced, no iit wa2 not 2hake2peare, what came out iin2tead wa2 the computer code that made the2e driiver2 up! 2tiill though, CHECK THII2 OUT! http2://cdn.iimgche2t.com/fiile2/2f4ecd0cb8b9.png
i WOULD RATHER NOT, dISCUSS MY LACK OF PSYCHOSEXUAL ISSUES, wITH YOU, eVEN THOUGH YOU SEEM VERY POLITE, yOU ARE A STRANGER,
𖠰Watering my plants. Greedy little fucks.
iT HELPED A LOT, tHANK YOU,
yAY i NEEDED THIS, iN THESE TRYING TIMES IN MY LIFE, tHANK YOU,
sURE, iT WOULD BE AWESOME TO, hANG WITH A FELLOW, cOOL GIRL, pAL FRIEND, lIKE YOU, iN THE ARTISTIC MEDIUM, oF SEQUENTIAL COMIC PANELS,
Chef2 kii22. Never change. IIt'2 moment2 and god tiier art and comedy that keep me goiing cycle after cycle. #fuckiingawe2ome
yES!!!! i DO MISS, fLARPING WITH YOU AND aRADIA, wE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES, }:)
SOMETHING ABOUT A COOL CASE BEING SOLVED. OR SOMETHING WITH A LOT OF COLORS. #HELLYEAH
love it :)
STOP REACTING LIKE THAT I'M NOT LOOKING FOR PITY. IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, ITS JUST LITERALLY SO FUCKING ALIEN TO ME THAT THERE COULD BE A VERSION OF ME WHO ACTS LIKE A FRESH-FACED WRIGGLER. ITS ALMOST EMBARRASSING.
◥▶◀◤ —> Does anyone else just comment on posts without reading them because they lack men, horses, or other things of interest?
UGH, YOURE JUST AS WEIRD AS EVER. ITS GOOD TO SEE YOU, TEREZI.
...OKAY I DEFINITELY SEE HOW IT CAME OFF THAT WAY AND I'M SORRY. WHAT I MORESO MEANT TO IMPLY IS THAT THE WOMEN IN OUR TEAM ARE ALL EXTREMELY SCARY AND HYPERCOMPETENT COMPARED TO THE MEN WHO ARE ALL KIND OF WIMPS, BUT I DO SEE YOUR POINT.