♥ liked by @xxRecordgalxx
ᐖ ᐖATS WHY I SEᐖ IT RESPEᑈKFULLY ᐛ
I HAVE A BIRTHDAY GIFT TO FuRNISH. FOR MY BELOVED BROTHER FIGuRE. uNCLE STAND IN. FATHER IN SPIRIT. MY uNHOLY TRINITY. HE WHO ACTS AS ONE HELL OF A BuTLER. AN uNERRINGLY LOYAL FRIEND. AND ABOVE ALL ELSE. A REALLY SWELL FuCKING RuNS HIS MOuTH A TON GuY. WHICH LEAVES ME LITTLE RECOuRSE. BEYOND THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT IMAGINABLE. MINE. THAT IS TO SAY. I AM GIFTING DOC SCRATCH. HIS VERY OWN BIRTHDAY. AND THAT BIRTHDAY. IS TODAY. WHAT DO YOu GET FOR THE MAN WHO WILL EVENTuALLY HAVE EVERYTHING? THIS IS A QuESTION ASKED OF MYSELF. BY ME. COuNTLESS MERITED TIMES. ACROSS ALL OF CONTINuITY. WHATEVER THE HELL HE WANTS. IS THE ANSWER MOST ACCuRATE. BuT SOMETIMES WANT. CAN BE A DuBIOuS THING. IN FACT. IT CAN BE uNPALATABLE AND YuCKY EVEN. IMPOSSIBLE TO uNTANGLE FROM THE WEB OF EXCRuCIATING EXCREMENT uNEXTRACTING EMINENCE THAT COMES WITH BEING. ONE WHO DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT. ONE WHO IS. CONSTIPATED WITH CONFIDENCE. HE DOES NOT GIVE A CRAP ABOuT JuSTIFYING. IT PRECEDES HIM. LIKE NAME. REPuTATION. FEAR STOKING CREEP FACTOR. AND CHARISMA uNRIVALED. HE IS. HOST. TO SO MANY. SO MuCH. AND SO ME-NY. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DOLE OuT ENOuGH PRAISES. LIKE SO MANY FRIENDLINESS PELLET SHAPED BuLLETS RIPPING THROuGH ALLIED PuPPET FLESH. OR BITE WOuNDS THAT SHATTER AND FRAGMENT SuRFACES OTHERWISE IMMACuLATELY WITHOuT BLEMISH. WHICH IS WHY I HAVE DECIDED THAT TODAY IS. IN FACT. LEGALLY. DOC SCRATCH'S BIRTHDAY. I HAVE ALREADY HANDLED ALL OF THE PAPERWORK. THE MuNICIPAL BuLLSHIT INVOLVED IN REGISTERING A FATHOMLESS BEING WITHOuT BEGINNING OR END. PREDATING MOST LEGISLATIVE REQuIREMENTS FOR PROOF OF IDENTITY. OR THE BuRDEN OF A BIRTHPLACE. BY BEING THERE BEFORE IT HAPPENED. ALL OF THIS. CIVILIZATION BuLLSHIT. I PLAYED THE GAMES. DOMINATED. THROuGH A BRuTAL MILITARY VICTORY. AND FOuND A CIVILIZATION BEFORE RECORDED HISTORY. AND TOOK DOC. TO PORT. IN PuBLIC GODDAMN RECORDS. THAT IS TO SAY. DOC. IS THE FIRST CITIZEN. EVER. OH YES. SOCIALEST SECuRITY. NuMBER 000-0000-001. WHICH IS EVEN FuNNIER. BECAuSE. OF YOuR PREOCCuPATION WITH SILLY NuMBERS. AND MEANINGLESS SYMBOLISM. THAT IS BOTH uNCOMFORTABLE. AND FASCINATING. YOuR BIRTHDAY. NOW FALLS ON THE TWO HuNDRED AND FORTY FIFTH DAY OF THE YEAR. TWO. PLuS. FOuR. PLuS. FIVE. GIVES YOu ELEVEN. THE MASTER NuMBER. MY. BIRTHDAY. ELEVEN ELVEN. THE ELEVENER ELEVEN. SEPTEMBER SECOND. IS ALSO. THE PRIMORDIAL START OF AuTuMN FOR HuMANITY. ITS. FALL. EVEN. LARGELY uNRECORDED. BuT TRuE. TRuST ME. I WAS THERE. THE ANCIENT MESOPOTAMIAN CITY STATE OF uR. AND ALL OF HISTORY. uNRAVELING FROM THAT BITCHING NEXuS. NOW RECOGNIZES YOu AS BEING BORN. ON SEPTEMBER SECOND. AND EVERY SECOND THEREAFTER. A COMPLAINT WAS INSCRIBED IN YOuR NAME. MADE OuT TO ONE. EA-NĀṢIR. FOR HIS SHIT HOCKING SuBPAR SERVICE. AND INEDIBLE COPPER NuGGETS. WHICH. DESITE THE NAME. TASTED FuCKING GODAWFuL. THANK FuCK. I uNLOCKED THE GIFT OF GAB. FROM THE KIDDIE CAMPER HANDYSASH. EONS AGO. OTHERWISE. I WOuLD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CALL HIM AN INEPT CuNTWIT TO HIS FACE. uSING HIS OWN SILLY ASS ESOTERIC WORDS. I ALSO. MADE THE DuMB BITCH SELL HALF HIS HOME TO A NEIGHBOR. BECAuSE IT SEEMS LIKE THE SORT OF PETTY THING YOu WOuLD WANT. AS A PART OF YOuR LEGACY. BECAuSE I DID. AND. ALMOST LIKE. FAMILY OF SORTS. I WANTED WHAT WAS BEST FOR YOu. THAT BEING. OF COuRSE. ABSOLuTE MISERY FOR SOMEONE YOu HAVE NEVER MET. FOR A MINOR BREACH. OF SOCIAL DECORuM. ALL OF THIS TO SAY. WHAT IS uP DOC? AND THE ANSWER. IS STOCK IN $DOC. I RETROACTIVELY. INVENTED A COMPANY. THAT HELPED. COLLAPSE WORLD BANKS. THERE IS NO RECORD OF IT EVER HAVING EXISTED. OuTSIDE OF THE DAYS LEADING TO THE BIGGEST MARKET PuMP AND DuMPS IN HISTORY. YOu ARE NOW. THE uNCREDITED REASON. FOR uNTOLD BILLIONS MISSING. HOMES FORECLOSED ON. AND GREEDY SPECuLATORS. GETTING PISS FuCKALL ON THEIR RETuRNS. AFTER PLEDGING THEIR uNDYING LOYALTY. TO A FACELESS JACK IN THE BOX MASCOT. A SOCK PuPPET. A LIL DOC CALAMITY. HARMLESS. AND YET. LIFE uPENDING. AGAIN. FOR A MINOR BREACH. OF SOCIAL DECORuM. NOT ONE OF THESE SCuMFuCKS EVER SHOWED uP WITH AN APPROPRIATELY DONE TIE. OR CLOCKED IN AND OuT. AT THE REGuLARLY EXPECTED INTERVALS. EXCEPT JuLI FROM ACCOuNTING. JuLI RETIRED TO LIVE OuT HER REMAINING YEARS IN RELATIVE OBSCuRITY. PRESuMABLY STILL WEARING A NICE PLAID TIE WITH A LITTLE WHITE BROOCH IN THE CENTER. AND A NEWFOuND FONDNESS. FOR WAXY HEADED BALD MEN WHO ARE GOOD WITH NuMBERS. AND GRIM PROGNOSTICATIONS OF FuTuRE TRAGEDIES FOREWARNED AGAINST. JuST IN TIME. THIS. AND SO MuCH MORE. I WILL NOT EVEN TELL YOu ABOuT YET. BECAuSE YOu TECHNICALLY ALREADY KNOW. HAVING SET THIS ALL uP FOR YOuRSELF. BuT I HAVE SET uP ENOuGH HIJINKS. AND WRETCHED CONSEQuENCES. FOR THE NEXT ONE HuNDRED YEARS. SO THAT TODAY. YOu CAN CELEBRATE. YOuR FIRST. ONE HuNDREDTH BIRTHDAY. EVEN THOuGH YOu ARE MuCH OLDER THAN THAT. WE ARE COuNTING BACKWARDS HERE. HAPPY BIRTHDAYS. GET. FuCKED uP. GET. KRuNKED. BREACH. SOCIAL DECORuM. BuT MORE IMPORTANT THAN ALL OF THESE SuGGESTIONS THAT WILL GO uNHuMORED. REMEMBER. THAT YOu ARE ALWAYS REMEMBERED. BEFORE. DuRING. AND AFTER. BECAuSE EVEN FOR THE BIRTHDAYS. YOu CANNOT MAKE IT TO. TODAY. AND ALL OTHER TODAYS IN THE FuTuRE TO COME. ARE STILL HELD. IN YOuR HONOR. DOT. DOT. DOT. ALRIGHT. SNF. THAT IS ENOuGH SINCERITY. FOR ONE DEDICATED EXISTENCE. SEND CHITT.
“...And at the end of the night I watched them erect the Big Top. Their 'family' danced and sang and drank merry as the large tent eclipsed the rising sun, providing shade and shelter for all from its angry glare. I think that's when I first felt it, the camaraderie, the mirth. The MOTHERFUCKING FAMILY." -Carnivals 12:4 REMINDER TO YOU ALL! AT THE END OF THE FUCKIN NIGHT AND ALL THROUGHOUT THE MOTHERFUCKIN BURNING DAY, WE ARE FAMILY! HONK HONK! #scripture #inspiration
[Scanning...] ▒ ▒ ▒▒ ▒ ▒ @xxrecordgalxx ▒he haz zaid to inform you he enjoyz your muzic. ▒thank you for thiz. ▒ ▒ ▒▒ ▒ ▒ [Target locked.]
I WOULD TASTE HER, Y’KNOW, ‘CAUSE SHE PROBABLY TASTES REALLY AWESOME, BUT I COULDN’T BRING MYSELF TO EAT.
Kill them.
MY TOP FIVE TROLL WEEZER SONGS, FROM LOWEST TO HIGHEST, ARE: 5 - [I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE] - LISTEN. I'LL BE THE FIRST TROLL TO SAY THAT TROLL RIVERS CUOMO IS CERTIFIABLY, SHITSCUTTLINGLY INSANE. BUT IT'S A HIGHLY SPECIFIC METHOD OF MADNESS. THE METHOD THAT SAW THIS POOR, SWEATING, SHAKY-PRONGED FAILMALE ON THE DREADMILL EVERY NIGHT, LISTENING OBSESSIVELY TO THE TOP POP SONGS OF EVERY TEN-SWEEP INCREMENT FOR THE LAST SEVENTY SWEEPS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DOES TO A MAN. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SOUL-COMPACTING, DIAMOND-FORMING, ABDOMEN CHEEK-CLENCHING PRESSURE OF CONFORMITY THAT KIND OF CREATIVE PROCESS PUTS A TROLL UNDER? THIS IS A SMALL REBELLION. THIS IS A TWITCH IN THE DEAD, GALVANIZED STRUTPOD OF AN ELECTROCUTED SQUEAKBEAST. A SPARK OF LIFE IN THE PUSHER OF A BLOATED CORPSE. SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT THE ALBUM IT'S ON. THIS ONE IS FOR THE HATERS. 4 - [SMALL OBLONG ROEFRUITS OF WRATH] - AGAIN, I DEMAND THAT YOU WITHHOLD YOUR POD-JERK INSTINCT TO AUDIBLY GAG AT THIS CHOICE. HEAR ME OUT. THIS SONG IS FUCKING STUPID. IT HAS A A CATCHY HOOK. IT HAS LITTLE ELSE. IT'S ABOUT AS EMOTIONALLY OR MUSICALLY MEANINGFUL AS A BRICK TO THE NUGBONE. BUT IT IS ALSO AN AUDIOBOOK PLATFORM ADVERTISEMENT. BY TROLL RIVERS CUOMO. THE BIGGEST, NERDIEST BOOKMAGGOT TO EVER PUT A TROLL BUC-EES STICKER ON HIS BUZZHARP. SOMEHOW, EVEN IN HIS DEFLATED COMMERCIALISM STATE, I CAN HEAR A SMILE ON HIS FACE. 3 - [HAUNT YOU EVERY NIGHT] - ANYONE WHO WANTS TO CLOWN ME OFF OF CHITTR FOR PUTTING A SONG FROM THIS UTTERLY CHUTEBLASTED, MAGGOT-RIDDEN HEAP OF SHIT OF AN ALBUM IS WELCOME TO DO SO. BUT NOT BEFORE YOU LISTEN TO THIS SONG AGAIN. THE MOURNFUL WAIL. THE LUGUBRIOUS HOWL. THIS SONG DRIVES A WROUGHT-IRON STAKE DEEP INTO THE RECESSES OF MY BLOOD PUSHER. DEEPER AND DEEPER STILL, THE MELODY HAMMERS THE GUTWRENCHING METAL WEDGE INTO MY SOPPING FEELMEAT. AND WHEN IT'S DONE, IT YANKS THE WHOLE THING OUT AND STARTS POURING A PITCHER OF CAUSTIC BLACK TAR INTO THE YAWNING, BLOOD-SOAKED CAVITY. THIS SONG IS DEPRESSION INCARNATE. I LOVE HOW BAD IT FEELS TO LISTEN TO IT. THIS IS *THE* ALBUM CLOSER. 2 - [YOU GAVE YOUR FLUSH CRUSH TO ME SOFTLY] - I'VE ALREADY MADE MY VEHEMENT RUMINATIONS ON HOW STUPID GOOD TROLL PINKERTON IS. THERE ARE SOME REAL SHAMEDUCT-JERKERS ON THIS ALBUM. SEE THE ABOVE DESCRIPTION ON THE RANKING LIST FOR A GENERAL IDEA OF THE EXPECTED FEELINGS THEY ELICIT. THIS SONG IS A FRESH, FAT BAND-ACHE ON ALL OF THAT. THIS SONG IS PURE AFTERCARE. CHASED WITH A FIZZING, FORTY-OUNCE SLURPVESSEL OF ADRENAL SLUDGE. SERIOUSLY, THIS SONG COULD BE A TROLL ANIME OPENING. 1 - [ALL MY FAVORITE SONGS] - I. CAN'T REALLY EXPLAIN THIS ONE. IT JUST REALLY SITS WITH ME. IF YOU'RE SICK IN THE NUG ENOUGH TO HAVE READ THIS FAR, THEN MAYBE I CAN JUST TRUST YOU TO LISTEN TO THIS ONE. THE MUSIC BULBFEED IS PRETTY TRACT-TWISTING, TOO. I'LL LINK IT TO THE CHIT. I HATE SAYING THIS, BUT. I APPRECIATE IT. HTTPS://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/WATCH?V=AGPDXYG1MSG
Huzzah!
Here is a normal song. https://open.spotify.com/track/44DCjBHfvn5s6ZfLHpKmBi?si=z2Tgd2XKSiCSHYh_xH6Fcw&utm_source=copy-link
it'S a layered joke, because i actually do like weezer.
[Scanning...] thiz one. will. zhow him. the. zong. thiz one. hopez. it. amuzez him. [Target not designated.]
Stan Getz’s discography is quite good! I’m a fan of jazz, and it’s not always for everyone, but I’d recommend checking him out.
[Scanning...] thiz one. thinkz. you zhould. tell. him. thiz one. would like. other muzic. [Target not designated.]
thanks man. really put my pusher into this one
sometimes i just beatbox to myself
hotdog in my hand, uh money on my pan, uh going to subway with a new man buys me a sandwich yeah that is the plan how many meatballs inside (five) how many of my opps have died? (A LOT) (P-P-P-P-PHUNT ON THE MIC) do we have any thoughts?
(ಥ﹏ಥ) Why does there have to be two of them. ♫ (ಥ﹏ಥ) WHY ARE THEY BOTH HOT?! ♫
(´・ω・`) Hehehe... ♫
RISE AND SHINE AND GRIND YOUR ENEMIES TO MAKE YOUR SPECIAL STARDUST! LET NOTHING GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MIRTH, MY MOTHERS AND FUCKERS! #INSPIRATION
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SPILLED SOME BLOOD, GOT YOUR PUSHER PUMPING? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU REMINDED YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SELF HOW EASY IT IS TO KICK THIS SHIT AND END UP ON THE MOTHERFUCKING DIRT TASTING YOUR OWN PAINT? REJOICE, MOTHERFUCKERS, EVERY DAY YOU FUCKING REJOICE YOU STILL HAVE THE HONOR TO FILL YOUR FUCKING BELLOW SACS WITH AIR! NOW GO OUT THERE AND GIVE A HERETIC A CHANCE TO REALLY FEEL THAT FUCKIN FEAR THAT WE SHOULD KNOW NOTHING OF! WHOOP WHOOP! #INSPIRATION
>> ¡ def¡n¡te1y fee1 heard and ડeen
just xX start xXx throwing xXx free xXx weights xXx big xXx sis
sO trUE sIstEr!!! :) It Is ImpOrtAnt tO kEEp frOnds At wOrk sO wE mIght bE EvEr rEAdy tO sErvE thE mEssIAhs bEst
how else would 7ou bug a room?
\ n >< n / #juniorhappytohelp
Hmm... #juniorconsiderations... #juniorbadgedyou!
Cinderblock.
holy shit the legends were true
(╬ Ò﹏Ó) . . . . (￣ヘ￣) . . . (>_<) . . . ♫
I Don't 7ike Th@t There'$ @n Evi7 Chchow
A CYBERSECURITY FLEA IS MORE LIKE IT. CONSIDER YOURSELF THOROUGHLY INFESTED, BURROWED INTO, AND GNAWED UPON. REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT I OR THE TIME MAFIA THAT I WORK FOR WOULD EVEN *BEGIN* TO CONSIDER YOU OR YOUR FUCKASS RECORD LABEL WORTHY OF THE FELT'S ATTENTION, YOU'VE TUGGED PAINFULLY ENOUGH AT MINE. HERE. TAKE THIS CRUMB OF AWARENESS AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE BEING PERCEIVED. MAYBE EVEN FOLLOWED. .
we shuld have 1 million chchows
you NEED to find and give me a record deal ASAP. big phunt on the mic
Nah it's a long story, alien for real you'll run into a few of us, but I can be a troll if I really wanted to be. Not something others do generally
Got my own record deals goin on thiiiink they'd be pissed if I started asking to sign deals with cool aliens
Shoort hair looooks gooood oon yoou
that's right as fuck we love confidence in this hive
if you don't mind me saiein you fine as fuck
