♣ mediated by @cresciveAbyss
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[ >PREACHETH_ ]
Much of Uesugi Karkat's early life is completely unknown. Due to his total hemoanonymity over the many sweeps of his time in East Alternia, it cannot be deduced what province, prefecture, or continent he hailed from before his sudden arrival in Trollshiwara, the famous red light district of Troll Edo. What remains consistent is this — he arrived as a foreigner who did not speak the language, seemingly fallen out of the sky and into the cart of a local brothel owner. The owner was purportedly so taken with his boyish beauty and gap moe tsundere personality that he immediately set him to work as a courtesan within his business. It was here that Uesugi Karkat was first referred to by his East Alternian title, the AKATSUKI. Under the strict tutelage of the other courtesans, he learned to dance, sing, play music, pour tea with delicately trembling wrists, feign laughter at unfunny jokes, and weaponize the nape of his nugstalk in the way that an anglerfish lures its prey into its abyssal maw. However, accounts from the other brothel workers say that he was too ornery and foul-mouthed to do any of these things without erupting with rage. He did, however, learn the local language with surprising acuity, and the courtesans were deeply impressed with his natural propensity for writing romantic long-form poetry. Furthermore, rather than selling his concupiscent services as a low-ranking courtesan was expected to, the Akatsuki was supposedly so renowned for his talents as a pale quadrant advisor and ashen mediator that guests of some of the highest castes in Troll Edo sought him out solely for his comfort and advice. No information on the Akatsuki's hemocaste could be discerned during this time, due to never once shedding his genetic material with any customer or courtesan alike. In fact, so preternatural was his ability to touch the pusher of a customer without ever shedding his kimono that within three sweeps, he had already reached the prestigious rank among courtesans of a Boiran (boy oiran), which offered him considerable wealth and empowered him with the right to turn away any offer made in poor taste, even if they were of a higher-blooded caste. It was due to this prestige that he was later discovered by his next wealthy benefactor, who was the leader of a troupe of Grubuki actors, and began his next career as the ONNAGATA. Attached is one of the most popularly sold woodblock-print wall scrolls of his likeness, titled "Delicious Fucking Shit," for the ambiguity of its referral to either the grub-tempura or the courtesan himself. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/17e0aad9aa46.png #uesugikarkat
You're literally a government employee, you don't need the compensation check.
motherfucker TRIEd to wreck my QUAdRANT -posted from My Nukia N-Gage CullD
Blew up a lowblood today, feeling cute~
hopesploded the pink moon green moons next
- Well, on mmy end of the wipe-end victory thing there's this guy I've always wanted to see experience a little good ol' fashioned, all-Alternian torture... 😆😆 And, LOL, guess what. 🫢 - They are FINALLY torturing himm. 🤣🤣😁😁😁👏👏👏 #WINNING
I know we don't always get along. Like when I forgot to bring your favorite toXic waste. Or when you crushed my first two-wheeled travel apparatus with your large body. Or when you accidentally ate my favorite pair of Slewboutins. But I'm thankful for you, nonetheless. I won't belabor the sentimentality, as I know we'd both rather be flayed and dunked into hot oil. Happy #LususDay, dumpmother. I hope you enjoy your gift. #LususReveal #MyLusus https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/7500b3ad0dfc.png - MC Oleana
!!thats the goal!! im going to be FRIENdS with everyone if the messiahs will it
I would like to justly and diplomatically put your dummy in the dirt. - MC Oleana
It's only just occured to me that I could nearly double my output with mediate reacts. - MC Oleana
Hey Palind, we don't talk, I do see you around though. Love the dedication to your craft and Messiah and shit, if he starts crying will you post a picture?
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
hey... he better not be wearing the cllothes i made him bc otherwise that hurts
kick him off the Program ANd SENd him here
my emPloyee has FORCEd my Prong where it has been MAdE clear that corPorate corPoral Punishment is necessary to reestablish the Power dYNAMIC because he is clearly getting too massive for his cheaP 2 THREAd count britches hes Practically tearing out of them
↘️ok yes i have made a mistake andd i am willing to pay for it in any way possible.↘️ ↗️IF YOU THINK IT IS BEFITTING, I AM WILLING TO WEAR YOUR REPRIMANDING ON MY LITERAL SLEEVE.↗️ ↘️or the front of my trunk.↘️ ↗️IF YOU WISH TO STAPLE MY WRITE UP TO ME.↗️ ↘️in a cruel, unusual punishment that will leave metal shrapnel embedded into the heave of my trembling stalk.↘️ ↗️I AM SORRY.↗️
<3-Gills-are-so-sensitive-it's-cute.-It's-so-easy-to-rile-up-a-fish.
--[| I see you fools joke about fake highbloods like "se*dw*llers" aren't invasive alien hybrids bred here to subjugate the native TRUE INSECTOID Alternians like docile woolbeasts #wakeup #horror #bodyhorror #trollsdonthavegills |]--