♣ mediated by @terminallyCapricious
Uhm,,, you didn't really raise me,,, i mean she didn't. My mom,, i mean. I still have my dad though,,, kind of.
Because he's not my,,, hohoho, okay i get it this is all just,, a big campus prank,,, hoho okay everybody lets pick on the voluntary half orphan by making a fake account for his mother,, and respond to his posts on it,,, hohoho you really got me guys look at me i'm chortling so much my cheeks are rosy hohohohoho,,,!
... Why not?! <:|
i,,, don't want to call him dad,
"UNCLE?"
<8B hhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,hiii uncle Gamzee n,,, nice to see you kic,,,kicking again,,,
yeah ill call that a vwrap, i kinda wvanna rush through these boring match-ups. surprise surprise, aranea beat the lady nobody knovws in the #cronusbabeoff. shocker. bye dollie, better luck next time. er, hmm. actually im feeling a lil bad for her, giwven vwho she vwent against and wvhos running the thing... wvell! aranea movwes on! next up, novw heres an interesting one. porrim maryam vws. jane crocker! this is a high seed against lovw, but i think it could be anyones game. porrim has the ravw sex appeal and charisma, but janes been established on this site for a vwhile, just look through the "adored" tab dovwn there and youll see plenty of her cleawvage. i might havwe to let this one run a wvhile if its close. wvote belowv, as usual, for wvhich babe is hottest. #suggestiwve #nsfwv? <3 or <> for porrim <3< or c3< for jane
This platform's user base has me so dadgum paranoid that I just stopped dead in my tracks with my finger hovering over the "send" button on a PERFECTLY innocuous post concerning my new pedicure. On second thought. You don't need to see that. <:| #Perverts #Freaks And other various #SexualMiscreants
Happy Father's Day! :B I am fortunate to have been raised by a man of such esteem that it occasionally appears he was downright MADE to be a dad! (Though I suspect this must be mere coincidence, and a symptom of how effortlessly he has taken on the mantle of responsibility. Hmmmm.) It warms my heart to recount the numerous ways in which I witnessed my father try to curry my favor by way of relatability, all the while relegating his own true cornball passions to the back burner. His attempts to reach my stubborn teenage ego burst forth from his poor gentle heart, not at all unlike the spring-snakes at the bottom of a tube of fake peanut brittle. #girldad As an aspirational future parent myself, I can only hope to achieve a fraction of this success. If I'm half as good a mom as he was a dad, my own children will be at least half as great as their mother. :B And really, at a certain point we must set a reasonable threshold of expectation. What was I saying? Oh, yes. Happy Father's Day, Dad. You are a pillar of masculinity and you starch a button-down like you were born in the back of a dry cleaner. In my circle, it is a doggone novelty to even have a parent simultaneously living and respectable enough to maintain regular contact. That being said, I've added a new rotation to your security detail. Don't forget to check in with my office scheduler for your next routine healing. @timaeusTestified#0414 Can you coordinate his next appointment. He's looking a little pruned, lately. Love you, Dad!
(=^･⩊･^=) < LAST SELFIES OF THE NIGHT!~ JUST ME IN MY CASUAL ATTIRE.
THIRTEEN SWEEPS, PAINSTAKINGLY STACKED ATOP THE OTHER, SURVIVED ONE BRUTAL BILUNAR PERIGEE AT A TIME. HALF OF THEM ON A PLANET I WAKE UP AND GIVE THE FAT, FLAMING MIDDLE PRONGSTUB TO EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE, AND THE REST ON A DUMPSTER FIRE OF A WORLD OF MY OWN "CREATION." ONLY SOME OF THEM I WAS REALLY, TRULY PRESENT FOR. THREE *THOUSAND* SWEEPS SPENT IN AN INESCAPABLE TORMENT NEXUS MEANT TO SAND DOWN ANY PROPRIETARY CONCEPT OF TIME I EVER HAD. WHICH I ESCAPED, ANYWAY. BUT NOT BEFORE IT SMOOTHED SOME OF THE HARD, JAGGED EDGES, TRY AS I MIGHT TO SHARPEN THEM BACK TO GANDERBULB-STABBING AND SPONGECASE-BLUDGEONING LETHAL FORCE. AND AS IF I COULDN'T PUSH THE INCREDULITY OF MY SHITHIVE MAGGOTS NARRATIVE ANY FURTHER, TWELVE SWEEPS AFTER THAT, IN A FAR-FLUNG PAST SO STUPID THAT IT'S LEFT INDELIBLE MARKS ON MY VOCABULARY. AND SOME UNCOMFORTABLE SKILLS TO ADMIT ARE CURRENTLY PADDING OUT MY RESUME. A FAT, MALIGNANT PILE OF GREASY BLACK TRASH BAGS IN THE RUSTING DUMPSTER OF MY PERSONAL HISTORY, BOILING IN THE OPEN SUN AS THE LOOMING MONOLITH TO MY EVERY GRUELING SWEEP OF MERCILESS LIFE DARKENS THE FUCKING SKY. SO AT THIS POINT? FUCK IT. WHAT'S ONE MORE? #WRIGGLINGDAY. (AND BEFORE YOU ASK, YES, I'M STILL IN THE FUCKING FELT MANOR. THIS IMAGE HAS BEEN *HEAVILY* DOCTORTURED TO RESEMBLE ANYTHING CLOSE TO EARTH-C'S NATURAL DAYLIGHT. BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND TO SEE ANY MORE FUCKING GREEN. I DECIDED I WANTED TO LOOK O.G., TODAY.)
⚇ Laughter 2:20 ⚇ "Listen listen listen, this motherfucker is SO fucking DUMB! HAW HAW HAW! Dumbass little brother mine waltzed on up to the counter at Little Cease Hers, and he's like 'you ain't put pepperoni on my flavor disc!'. Well you know how these places is staffed, its all lowbloods n shit who ain't paid enough to care. But we's highbloods so you know the lil' mustard was scared as SHIT. So motherfucker starts shaking and apologizing, and it sets off lil' bro's killing rage. He tries to vault the fuckin' counter, and the mustard fuckin' SPRAYS SAUCE AT HIM FROM A BOTTLE HAW HAW HAW! AND AND AND. HOLY FUCK! HE TRIES TO GET UP AFTER THE GOD DAMN INDIGNITY...AND SLIPS ON IT ON THE FLOOR AND FALLS OVER AGAIN! BAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! Ahhh...I had to cull the mustard, 'course. Can't let 'em think we ain't united. But DAMN, brother, you ain't NEVER looked stupider!" ⚇ #MirthfulChittr #Clownposting #Scripture ⚇
Sorry, I blacked out for a second.
i'LL GO FOR THE PARFAIT, mAYBE, yOU MADE SOME WITHOUT OVUM FOR ME, rIGHT? i FORGET WHICH LABEL, iS WHICH,
UNHOLY ROILING ABYSS OF THE BLACK FUCKING CULLPITS. IT'S LIKE YOU PAID A BURLY LUMBERJACK TO CHOP DOWN A CROSS-SECTION OF A TREE FROM TROLL WILLY WONKA'S THOUSAND SWEEP-OLD ENDANGERED BRISTLECONE PINE FOREST AND FOUND TROLL FUCKING METHUSELAH. IF I STUCK A CAKE KNIFE IN THIS THING, WHOEVER COULD PULL IT OUT WOULD BE THE TRUE EMPRESS OF ALTERNIA. THE IDEA ALONE OF TAKING A BITE FROM THIS THING FEELS LIKE IT WOULD SEND ME INTO A THIRD BULB-OPENING DIABETIC SPIRIT WALK TO THE FUCKING ASTRAL REALM. I'VE NEVER FELT SO MUCH SIMULTANEOUS FEAR AND PURE, HUNGERTRAP-WATERING MANIA. I'M GOING TO BURROW INTO THIS THING LIKE A FUCKING TERMITE. THANK YOU, JANE. YOU FUCKING ROCK.
@carbolicGalvanologist I would be remiss not to deliver upon my promise to celebrate your presence in my life- in the only dark, earthy tones that seem to proportionately convey my appreciation. Behold. I have named her The Bogtrotter. Twenty-four layers and ten inches in diameter. Roughly the weight of a rotund first-grader. Old Bruce himself could not have served you better if he'd been liquefied and baked into a juvenile diabetic puck. Happy Wriggling Day, KV. From your pal. :B
aCTUALLY, uPON REVIEW i WAS MAKING AN ASSUMPTION, pERHAPS FOOL1SHLY, tHAT "GIRLS K1SSING," WAS AN OLD THING THAT GOT SCRUBBED BUT NO, iT LOOKS LIKE IT IS STILL, aLIVE AND WELL!
FOR THE SOLE REASON THAT IT IS MY WRIGGLING DAY AND I AM THEREFORE ALLOWED TO UTTER THIS WILL THE FULL-FORCE PURE ELATION OF AN INTERNET OLDHEAD FROM THE ERA WHEN ALL "SLOP" WAS PRONG-CRAFTED GOLD. KUDOS. KUDOS.
tHAT SOUNDS LIKE, a REALLY GOOD TIME, i AM DOWN, i LOVE ALL, tHIS NOSTALGIC STUFF, lIKE THIS!
I lied. Put your clothes back on. We're watching old Youtube for the next six hours. Excluding official music videos, but including noteworthy brand advertisements. Justin Beiber's Baby is out. Rebecca Black's Friday is in. Old Spice "The Man Your Man Could Smell Like" is a-go. We have a sensible bouquet of Key of Awesome, The Gregory Brothers, and the RESPECTABLE Lonely Island skits. The old ones, with the homemade aesthetic. We have a thirty minute block of talking and/or emoting baby videos, followed by an Annoying Orange "Wazzup" palate cleanser, immediately followed by thirty more minutes of various cat videos. Nyan Cat falls under the animated chapter of the docket rather than the feline, for what I hope are obvious reasons. We then have a full hour of adult men angrily reviewing various pieces of media AND/OR ragequitting from a game. I like to mix my unjustifiable tirades with full-blown meltdowns for variety. From there we dive headfirst into the animation section. I've compiled a Llamas with Hats extended edit, amongst others. Then I say we cut a left to comedic skit dub-overs, culminating in The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger. Then onto the bloopers. We have a SUPERCUT of various gaffes and boners ranging from popular cinematic works to voice-acting to news reels. Our musical outro will be the DJ Earworm United State of Pop 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011 in that order. THEN if you're still feeling froggy, we can pivot to old-school brawling videos caught on tape, from your phone, under the blankets. You will have to hold the phone up. And then sex I guess. #NSFW.
LOL! SO TЯRUE, BЯROTHEЯR MI_E. :oX SHOW ME, THE_. LAY THAT TEE_Y TI_Y TЯRUTH O_ MY GA_DEЯRBULBS.
GET THE FUCK OFF MY POST YOU STUPID BITCH.
LITTLE YAPBEAST LIKES TO BAЯRK! I SEE WHY HE LIKED YOU. :oX
@terminallyCapricious#2753 I suggest you get her.
COULD_'T SCЯRAPE TOGETHEЯR TWO PA_CELLS TO FIGUЯRE THAT O_E OUT?
... You two know each other.
SO THIS THE EX YOU WEЯRE TELLI_G ME ABOUT? THE MESSIAHS WOЯRK I_ MYSTEЯRAUCAUS WAYS. :oX
Considering #RumbleNight never came to full fruition, there's no harm in posting one or two of the early promotional photos.
STOP SENDING ME THIS IMAGE.
https://forms.gle/x4TxK9MCvd3betJ57 #nsfw QUESTION: What's the cut-off point between stubble or peach fuzz, and a proper mustache? Asking for a friend. ANSWER: Peach fuzz you can see in the light, but not feel. Stubble you can feel and easily see! A proper mustache makes you feel like someone just sat you on the corner of the washing machine on hard tumble. The difference between them is at which point you give up before achieving your own final form.
I'm not dignifying this spam with a response proper. I simply thought I would tack it to the board for your amusement! See below. QUESTION: What is your name? What is your Chittr Handle? What secret would your character protect even from someone they love? What promise has your character kept for the longest time? What promise has your character broken and never forgiven themself for? What does your character believe they are owed by the world? What does your character believe they owe to someone else? What is your character most afraid people will discover about them? What compliment does your character secretly crave? What insult would cut your character deepest? What ordinary chore does your character hate more than they admit? What everyday comfort makes your character feel safe? What smell instantly takes your character back to childhood? What sound makes your character tense before they know why? What food does your character associate with home? What food would your character refuse even when starving? What object does your character carry that has no practical use? What possession would your character risk their life to recover? What possession would your character sell first in desperation? What did your character want to become as a child? What did adults expect your character to become? What childhood belief did your character outgrow painfully? What childhood belief does your character still cling to? What was your character's first experience with failure? What was your character's first real victory? What moment taught your character to lie? What moment taught your character to trust? What is the earliest memory your character doubts is accurate? What family story does your character know by heart? What family story does your character suspect is false? What relative shaped your character the most? What social cue does your character notice before anyone else? What social cue does your character miss? What does your character assume too quickly? What does your character refuse to assume? What do others misinterpret about your character? What does your character misinterpret about others? What kind of silence comforts your character? What kind of silence terrifies your character? What tone of voice makes your character defensive? What tone of voice disarms your character? What does your character need to hear during conflict? What phrase makes your character angrier every time? What does your character do during an argument? What does your character do after an argument? What lie would your character tell to protect a relationship? What truth would your character reveal to end a relationship? What secret would your character tell only a lover? What secret would your character keep from a lover? What does commitment mean to your character? What does betrayal mean to your character? What betrayal would your character forgive fastest? What betrayal would your character never forgive? What relative does your character try not to resemble? What lesson did your character learn from their mother or mother figure? What lesson did your character learn from their father or father figure? What lesson did your character learn from a sibling, cousin, or peer? What did your character never receive enough of growing up? What did your character receive too much of growing up? What rule in their childhood home did your character resent? What rule in their childhood home does your character still follow? What did your character do as a child that everyone found strange? What childish habit has your character never fully lost? What childish habit did your character force themself to abandon? What name or nickname does your character hate being called? What name or nickname does your character wish someone would use? What does your character's handwriting look like? What does your character's room or private space reveal about them? What would someone find hidden under your character's bed or floorboards? What is always in your character's pockets or bag? What does your character look like when they are exhausted? What does your character look like when they are trying to impress someone? What physical feature does your character dislike most? What physical feature does your character secretly like? What scar, mark, or old injury has a story behind it? What does your character do with their hands when nervous? What does your character do with their voice when lying? What facial expression gives your character away? What posture does your character default to around authority? What posture does your character default to around friends? What kind of clothing makes your character feel powerful? What kind of clothing makes your character feel exposed? What color does your character avoid wearing? What color does your character choose when they want to be noticed? What personal grooming habit matters most to your character? What grooming habit does your character neglect? What is your character's relationship with mirrors? What is your character's relationship with photographs or portraits? What does your character think they look like to strangers? What does your character wish they looked like to strangers? What does your character consider beautiful? What does your character consider vulgar? What does your character find attractive despite themself? What does your character find repulsive for reasons they cannot explain? What does your character do when they wake up before anyone else? What does your character do right before sleep? What dream does your character remember most vividly? What recurring nightmare visits your character? What secret fantasy comforts your character during hard times? What does your character pray for, even if they are not religious? What would make your character stop praying? What does your character do when no one is watching? What behavior does your character only show around people they trust? What behavior does your character only show around people they dislike? What makes your character laugh too hard? What kind of joke does your character never find funny? What does your character pretend to understand? What does your character pretend not to notice? What subject could your character talk about for hours? What subject makes your character immediately defensive? What topic does your character change whenever it comes up? What question does your character wish someone would ask them? What question does your character dread hearing? What is your character's favorite lie to tell? What truth does your character phrase like a joke? What apology does your character still need to give? What apology does your character still need to receive? What apology would your character refuse to accept? What does forgiveness mean to your character? What does revenge mean to your character? What does justice mean to your character? What does mercy mean to your character? What does loyalty mean to your character? What does freedom mean to your character? What does love mean to your character? What does power mean to your character? What does weakness mean to your character? What does courage mean to your character? What does cowardice mean to your character? What does success mean to your character? What does failure mean to your character? What does home mean to your character? What does family mean to your character? What does honor mean to your character? What does shame mean to your character? What does your character believe makes a person dangerous? What does your character believe makes a person trustworthy? What does your character believe makes a person pathetic? What does your character believe makes a person admirable? What moral line would your character cross for survival? What moral line would your character cross for love? What moral line would your character cross for revenge? What moral line would your character never cross, even to survive? What law does your character respect most? What law does your character think is absurd? What social custom does your character follow without question? What social custom does your character quietly despise? What tradition does your character want to preserve? What tradition does your character want to destroy? What superstition does your character pretend not to believe? What superstition does your character obey without admitting it? What does your character believe happens after death? What would make your character question their faith or worldview? What event would make your character more devout? What kind of person does your character envy? What kind of person does your character pity? What kind of person does your character fear becoming? What kind of person does your character want to become? What kind of person does your character think they already are? What kind of person is your character wrong about being? What does your character think is their greatest strength? What is actually your character's greatest strength? What does your character think is their worst flaw? What is actually your character's worst flaw? What flaw does your character romanticize? What virtue does your character undervalue? What romantic gesture would work on your character? What romantic gesture would make your character leave the room? What makes your character jealous in friendship? What makes your character jealous in romance? What kind of affection does your character understand best? What kind of affection confuses your character? What kind of affection frightens your character? What does your character do when they have a crush? What does your character do when they are loved sincerely? What does your character do when someone flirts badly? What does your character do when someone flirts well? What kind of partner would challenge your character? What kind of partner would enable your character's worst traits? What vice does your character excuse in themself? What vice does your character condemn in others? What skill is your character proudest of? What skill is your character embarrassed not to have? What skill did your character learn out of necessity? What skill did your character learn to impress someone? What skill did your character abandon? What subject did your character struggle to learn? What subject came naturally to your character? What teacher or mentor figure changed your character's life? What teacher or mentor figure failed your character badly? What lesson did your character learn too late? What lesson did your character learn too early? What does your character do better under pressure? What does your character do worse under pressure? What situation makes your character freeze? What situation makes your character reckless? What danger does your character underestimate? What danger does your character overestimate? What does your character do immediately after surviving something terrible? What does your character do immediately after hurting someone? What does your character do immediately after being hurt? What does your character do after being praised? What does your character do after being humiliated? What does your character do when plans collapse? What does your character do after winning? What does your character do after losing? What does your character do when someone else takes charge? What does your character do when no one takes charge? What leadership style does your character respond to best? What leadership style does your character resist? What kind of follower is your character? What kind of leader is your character? What responsibility does your character avoid? What responsibility does your character accept too quickly? What job would your character be terrible at? What job would your character be surprisingly good at? What work makes your character feel useful? What work makes your character feel trapped? What does your character spend money on first? What does your character refuse to spend money on? What does your character save for? What debt does your character owe? What debt does your character believe can never be repaid? What gift would insult your character? What gift would your character give someone they fear? What gift would your character give someone they love? What does generosity look like from your character? What does selfishness look like from your character? What does your character hoard? What does your character throw away too easily? What would your character steal? What would your character never steal? What does your character think they deserve? What does your character think they do not deserve? What is your character's relationship with wealth? What is your character's relationship with poverty? What luxury would your character indulge in immediately? What hardship has your character normalized? What discomfort makes your character irrationally angry? What comfort makes your character suspicious? What environment relaxes your character? What environment makes your character feel hunted? What weather does your character love? What weather does your character dread? What time of day suits your character best? What season does your character associate with loss? What season does your character associate with hope? What place would your character never return to willingly? What place would your character return to despite the danger? What place exists only in your character's memory now? What place does your character lie about having been? What map would your character know without looking? What road, route, or path changed your character's life? What border does your character wish they had never crossed? What journey does your character still need to make? What is your character's relationship with animals? What animal does your character identify with? What animal unsettles your character? What plant, flower, or tree matters to your character? What natural phenomenon feels personal to your character? What machine, tool, or weapon feels personal to your character? What weapon would your character choose if all options were available? What weapon would your character use only in desperation? What does your character think violence is for? What does your character think violence cannot solve? What kind of opponent does your character respect? What kind of opponent does your character despise? What would make your character spare an enemy? What would make your character execute an enemy? What does your character do with prisoners? What does your character do with trophies? What does your character do with graves? What does your character do with the belongings of the dead? What funeral rite would your character want for themself? What funeral rite would your character arrange for someone they hated? What memory of death shaped your character most? What loss does your character talk about too easily? What loss does your character never mention? What grief has your character mistaken for anger? What anger has your character mistaken for grief? What does your character do when someone cries? What does your character do when they are about to cry? What does your character consider weakness in others? What weakness in others makes your character protective? What vulnerability does your character show first in a relationship? What vulnerability does your character hide until the end? What does your character need from a friend? What does your character offer as a friend? What does your character demand from a rival? What does your character offer as a rival?
https://forms.gle/2w9FseGAoHseZEcN7 QUESTION: how does it feel to be that pretty... ANSWER: ... Oh. Thank you. I don't think I expected to receive any earnest praise from actual strangers. Most people utilize the anonymity of the askbox to be obnoxious, or skirt the boundaries of social propriety. Very kind.
https://forms.gle/2w9FseGAoHseZEcN7 QUESTION: Would you make out with Roxy Lalonde sloppy style ANSWER: What? What. I don't. You want... Of all the preposterous- insufferable- INTENTIONALLY INFLAMMATORY- THIS IS OBVIOUSLY MEANT TO INCITE SOME SORT OF- WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK ME THAT? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THAT? YOU OBVIOUSLY WANT TO COMPLICATE MY PERFECTLY WHOLESOME FRIENDSHIPS. THIS BORDERS ON SOCIAL SABOTAGE. YOU WANT ME TO SAY SOMETHING TO EMBARRASS MYSELF. WELL, GUESS WHAT, BUCKARONI! NO FUCKING DICE! I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND AS FAR AS MAINTAINING COMPOSURE GOES, I AM SIMPLY THE BEST THERE IS!!!!!
Working on it.
-=[googly moogly_☺]=-
👍
u CANNOT just post this kinda stuff 4 free
https://forms.gle/2w9FseGAoHseZEcN7 QUESTION: So you have the apple bottom jeans? Perhaps some boots with the fur to go along with them? And have you ever gotten "low" while wearing them? ANSWER: I did promise to deliver. Pardon me if I retain my vertical integrity on camera, though. I won't be getting "low" on demand.
Your fucking what.
Cleaning out my desk. #StraightPride #Ex #NotExStraight #ExBoyfriend #StillStraight #FYI
tbh i feel so bad for ness from earthbound sometimes bc like fuck dude! lmao!! what if YOUR friend got manipulated/cahooted on by sum grand force of massive fuckin world ending EVIL & then later on went to try n kill the ever luving shit out of u about it??? i mean could you even imagine
BЯROTHEЯRS A_D SISTEЯRS OF THE GЯRA_D CAЯR_IVAL GATHEЯRED TO_IGHT BE_EATH THE SHADOW OF THE EXECUTIO_EЯR'S SCYTHE TO ЯROAЯR, LAUGH, A_D WEEP OVEЯR THE EMPTY HUSK OF A TЯRUE DAЯRK PЯROPHET. ALTHOUGH I COULD ATTE_D I_ THE FLESH, SO STЯRO_GLY DID MY PUSHEЯR BEAT FOЯR A FELLOW BЯROTHEЯR THAT I COULD SEE IT AS IF I WEЯRE. A_D I HAVE BEE_ BLESSED WITH THE I_SPIЯRATIO_ TO WЯRITE I_ HIS HO_OЯR. ЯRHYMEBOY MAЯRSHALL. *THE* SLIM SHADY. O_E OF THE WICKEDEST, FASTEST, MOST MOTHEЯRFUCKI_G BLASPHEMOUS MOUTHS TO EVEЯR GЯRACE A PUЯRPLEBLOODED AЯRE_A. WE ALL K_OW HE WAS A FЯREAK OF _ATUЯRE-- WHILE THE ЯREST OF US BOAST THE GLOЯRIOUS, MUTED GЯREY SKI_ OF OUЯR WAЯRЯRIOЯR ЯRACE, BЯROTHEЯR MAЯRSHALL TOOK THE AЯRT OF FOOLISH VISAGE TO A TEЯRЯRIFYI_G EXTЯREME. HE WAS BOЯR_ FЯREAKISHLY, BLI_DI_GLY PALE. AS IF THE MOTHEЯR GЯRUB FOЯRGOT TO I_JECT A_Y PIGME_T I_TO HIS POD AT ALL. HE LOOKED LIKE A WALKI_G COЯRPSE EVE_ BEFOЯRE HE DIED, A GHOST I_ COAЯRSE CLOTHI_G-- YET HIS THI_KPA_ WAS FILLED TO THE BЯRIM WITH THE HOLY WHIMSY OF THE MIЯRTHFUL MESSIAHS. HE TOOK THE AЯRT OF THE ЯRHYME SLAM A_D TUЯR_ED IT I_TO A LITEЯRAL, BO_E-S_APPI_G SLAUGHTEЯRHOUSE. HE SPE_T HIS LO_G (BUT _OT LO_G E_OUGH) EXISTE_CE VEЯRBALLY CULLI_G A_YO_E WHO DAЯRED TO BЯREATHE HIS AIЯR. PAI_TED TAЯRGETS O_ THE TAЯRGETLESS. TЯREATED LOWBLOOD SCUM LESSEЯR THA_ THE WOЯRMS BE_EATH HIS STЯRUT PODS. HE I_SULTED THE WEAK, MOCKED THE SUBJUGGLATOЯR AUTHOЯRITIES, A_D WOЯRE HIS OW_ PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE LIKE A BEAUTIFUL, TEЯRЯRIFYI_G COAT OF HOLY FACE PAI_T. WHO AMO_G US CA_ FOЯRGET HIS HOLY SCЯRIPTUЯRES? HE SPOKE OF HIS LUSUS’ GЯRUBLOAF, HEAVY O_ HIS SWEATEЯR ALЯREADY. PALMS SWEATY. K_EES SPAGHETTI. HE SPAT HOT, PSYCHIC FIЯRE SO FAST IT WOULD SCЯRAMBLE A_Y U_PЯREPAЯRED CHUCKLEFUCKEЯR'S CHAOS CO_COCTIO_. HE WAS A MASTEЯR OF THE BЯRUTAL, U_HI_GED DISS TЯRACK, WHICH IS _OTHI_G SHOЯRT OF A VEЯRBAL JUGGLI_G ACT WHEЯRE THE CLUBS AЯRE LACED WITH ЯRUSTED ЯRAZOЯR BLADES. LET US _OT FOЯRGET HIS COMPLICATED ЯRECKO_I_G WITH HIS QUADЯRA_TS. WE ALL ЯREJOICED WHE_ HE UTTEЯRLY EVISCEЯRATED THAT LOUD-MOUTHED, HIGH-MAI_TE_A_CE POP-DЯRO_E MAЯRIAH. SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD PLAY SOME MI_D GAMES WITH A HIGHEЯR SUBJUGGLATOЯR, BUT HE TЯRASHED THAT OBSESSIVE EX-MATESPЯRIT SO HAЯRD I_ THE AЯRE_A THE WHOLE QUADЯRA_T COLLAPSED I_TO COLD, DEAD CHU_KS. HE PUT HEЯR ASS I_ THE GAЯRBAGE COMPACTOЯR WHEЯRE ALL HIGH STЯRU_G CHATTEЯRBOXES BELO_G. HE HAS EXITED THIS TE_T OF ЯREALITY. HIS VOICE HAS GO_E QUIET, LEAVI_G THE EMPIЯRE A FAЯR MOЯRE BOЯRI_G, PATHETIC PLACE. BUT WE K_OW THE TЯRUTH-- HE HAS _OT TЯRULY CEASED TO BE. HE HAS GO_E TO JOI_ THE DAЯRK CAЯR_IVAL I_ THE SKY, WHEЯRE THE FAYGO FLOWS LIKE HEMOLYMPH, A_D THE JOKES _EVEЯR, EVEЯR STOP KILLI_G. SO ЯRAISE YOUЯR BOTTLES TO THE SKY. LET OUT A MOTHEЯRFUCKI_G HO_K THAT ЯRATTLES THE STAЯRS THEMSELVES. MAY YOUЯR ЯREST BE VIOLE_T, BЯROTHEЯR SHADY. THE EMPIЯRE WAS _EVEЯR ЯREADY FOЯR YOUЯR BЯRA_D OF MIЯRACLES.
Continuing the history of Uesugi Karkat from the Nobushii era: It is at this moment that the Uesugi Karkat Historical Preservation Foundation would like to acknowledge the profundity of Uesugi Karkat's vacant flushed quadrant. Despite a lengthy career of over ten sweeps in the Troll Edo period and the approach of a number of suitors during that time, he was notorious for keeping his red quadrant completely closed off. Some have theorized that this is because he was extremely dedicated to his life's ultimate goal of fighting Imperial involvement in East Alternia, and was therefore "married to his work." Others believe that he had a matesprit already, either on another continent or in another life altogether — a deceased lover, perhaps. The discredited academics who insist on the "time traveler" hypothesis, which has inspired songs like the one famously written and performed by Troll Hiromitsu Agatsuma, suggest something else altogether — that his flushed celibacy was to ensure that he did not alter the flow of the future so profoundly that it would unmake a matespritship he could later return to. An extremely vocal subset of enthusiasts who have co-opted the Saga of Uesugi Karkat, whom the Foundation acknowledges, but does not publicly condone, insist that the true, real reason is that he was simply a "tsundere" who was playing hard to get, and that his pale ardor was not so pale after all. The truth will never be known, as this piece of Uesugi Karkat's history is completely lost to us. All that is known is that on the light before the Battle of Fearoyama, the massacre for which he would be remembered forever, he sat down and wrote a single romantic poem, then sealed it away in perhaps the most secure hiding place of all — inside the haft of his sickle, where it was discovered by the Foundation after it was procured from the estate of a deceased royalblooded seadweller. As the Troll Edo period came to a close, Imperial forces had begun to converge on East Alternia with the intention of modernizing the region and bringing it into the fold of the rest of the global Alternian empire. The local government's armed forces were asked to stand down, swear allegiance to the new heiress, and resign their strife modi. After many skirmishes and border conflicts that he had strategically eked narrow victories out of, the Nobushii, now known to his dauntless loyalists by his final title, the SHIKIKAN UESUGI KARKAT, made a sudden and extremely rash decision after a long night of moongazing. He declared that he would meet the Imperial forces in a bloody last stand at Mount Fearoyama, where the remaining rebels would die fighting against insurmountable odds in the final, twitching death-throe of the Pre-Restoration era. His followers pleaded with him to reconsider, but to no avail. When asked why he was so adamant in his decision to die at Fearoyama, the Shikikan was said to have looked skyward, gazing directly into the light of the Green Moon. It is to this moment that we attribute one of Uesugi Karkat's most famous quotes, for he replied, "THE MEMORY OF TIME WON'T REMEMBER MY NAME UNLESS I SHOUT IT FROM THE TOP OF MY FUCKING BELLOWSACS. THIS IS HOW I MAKE SURE IT WILL HEAR ME. DE ARINSU." Little else in the way of context has survived to go on the record. His intense fixation with moongazing and astronomy, especially in the nights leading up to the Battle of Fearoyama, is frequently cited as a relevant detail to his famous quote. Others say that it was merely another means of waxing poetic, as he was oft to do. What has survived is a single daguerreotype picture, taken the night before the battle. The history of Uesugi Karkat will be concluded in the following chitt. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/a8da5cf95f75.png https://open.spotify.com/track/0bP8YBOidQqrFNsw0IJamB?si=f89c1f630b3147c0 #uesugikarkat
(=^･⩊･^=) < HAHAHA.. HEHEHE.... (₌ ꈍᆽꈍ₌) HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/D8A186214F2D.PNG HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/71CFF50127B6.PNG #NSFW #SELFIES
(=^･⩊･^=) < OKAY, LAST ONE OF THE NIGHT! HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/DC3FACA10102.PNG #SELFIES #NSFW #SUGGESTIVE
th|s took WAY 2 lng 4 me 2 f|nd :) me l|ekkk | th|nk Almst 7 sweeps Ago! At some event fro who knos whAt https://|.|mgur.com/pG1gMXF.png
⊹₊˚{ lowtideuinely, there is NOBODY in the universe who underst+s the way i feel right now, besties. }/ᯅ<{ #glubinterrupted #violethysteria }˚₊⊹ ࣪
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. I’VE NEVER BEEN SORRY. AND I’M NOT STARTING NOW.
THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. WELCOME TO THE FELT. IDIOT.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA. HOW MUCH SINCERE #EMPLOYEESATISFACTION. CAN BE WROUGHT. FROM SEEING YOU PULL THIS BULLSHIT. ON SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ME. #KUDOS!
YOUR MAIDLY APRON. SO KAWAII. YOUR EXPRESSION. SO TSUNDERE. I WAS WONDERING. WHAT THE FUCK HE WAS COOKING. HIRING A MAN. BUT NOW I SEE. YOUR BITCHLY AURA. BASICALLY MAKES YOU ONE OF US. #BURGUNDYBADDIE #MAROONMINX #SUGGESTIVE. WELCOME TO THE #RUSTIEFACTORY. DID HE FORGET TO MENTION. THERE IS NO CLOCKING OUT. HAA HAA.
HTTPS://I.IBB.CO/NGSXTNJL/IMAGE.PNG THANK YOU. @TERMINALLYCAPRICIOUS#2753. MY NEW FAVORITE CLOWN. (DUE TO DISQUALIFICATION. OF THE PREVIOUS SHITHEAD.) FOR MAKING THIS HIVE. INTO A HOME. #HIVEIMPROVEMENT #HIVEDESTRUCTION #HIVEGORE. @CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST BITCH BOY. COME GET YOUR WORKSLOP. I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOU TO CLEAN. ON PRONGS AND STEMJOINTS.
ATTENTION, WORTHLESS CHITTRLINGS. LONG TIME, NO CHITT. THERE HAVE BEEN SOME *AGGRAVATING* DEVELOPMENTS IN MY CAREER AS A PLATFORM USER, AS A CREATOR, AND ABOVE ALL, AS ONE OF THE UNLUCKY JACKOFFS STILL UNACCOUNTABLY FORCED TO EXIST IN A PLACE AND TIME WITHIN A MULTIVERSAL CONTINUITY OF ENDLESS, CACOPHONOUS FUCKRUMPUS PARADOX CHICANERY. BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BUSY TRYING AND FAILING TO WRIGGLE OUT OF THESE DEVELOPMENTS, I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN AROUND TO PROVIDE AN UPDATE. I'M GOING TO DO THAT NOW. SO DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF, BECAUSE I WON'T. I'LL JUST PULL UP THIS CHITT, SEIZE YOU VIOLENTLY BY THE HEAD, AND SHOVE YOUR BLOODSHOT GANDERBULBS AGAINST THE SCREEN UNTIL THE AMBIENT HEAT COOKS THEM LIKE EGGS. READ, SHITSPONGE. READ THIS AND GET OFF MY DORSAL RIDGE ABOUT IT, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE WHOLE. FUCKING. SCOOP. STARTING WITH THE BIG ONE. I WORK FOR THE FELT, NOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. I CAN HEAR THE QUESTION AT THE VERY FRONT OF YOUR THOUGHTSPONGE DOING BACKFLIPS, FRONTFLIPS, CARTWHEELS, AND ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTES. "KARKAT, WHAT KIND OF TURBO-CHARGED JUJU-FLAVORED CRACK HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? DIDN'T YOU SPEND YOUR ENTIRE SESSION FIGHTING THIS JOLLY GREEN MANLET AND HIS BUMBLING CADRE OF BUMBLING ASS-BURGLARS? WHAT IN THE FRESH, FULMINATING *FUCK* MADE YOU SIGN A CONTRACT WITH *THESE* LOONEYBLOCK TIME BANDITS?" THE SHORT ANSWER? THE MIME MADE ME DO IT. LITERALLY. MY SPONGE STILL HURTS FROM WHERE HE SHOVED HIS PRONG IN IT LIKE A GLOVE AND MADE ME TYPE UP THAT APPLICATION. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PLAN IS HERE, BUT I'M WILLING TO BET *ANYTHING* THAT HE'S GOT ONE. SO YES. AGAINST MY WILL. AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT. AGAINST A THOUSAND ETERNITIES OF BALEFUL, ENDLESS SUFFERING, I HAVE A NEW NINE TO FIVE. AND WITH IT, A NEW TITLE. ONE WHICH I AM *OBLIGATED* TO USE IN OFFICIAL CAPACITY, BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU CALL ME "CHALKBOX" WHILE I'M OFF THE CLOCK, I'M GOING TO INVENT A NEW WAY TO PERFORM A LOBOTOMY. FUCK YOU, KURLOZ. FUCK YOU, SCRATCH. AND MOST OF ALL, COMING IN HARD WITH THE FUCK YOU X3 COMBO, IT'S A WHOPPING FIVE-SCOOP, CHOCOLATE-DRIZZLED FUCK YOU SUNDAE FESTOONED WITH OBLONG BUNCHFRUIT, WHIPPED CREAM, SPRINKLES, AND A CHERRY-RED MIDDLE FINGER ON TOP FOR MR. MALDING GREEN MANLET HIMSELF. I'M WEARING THE BADGE OUT OF SPITE. I AM CLOCKING IN FOR THE LONGEST DAY AT THE LONG DAY FACTORY I HAVE EVER WORKED. AND IF I EVER MANAGE TO CLOCK OUT, THERE WILL BE *HELL* TO PAY. ANYWAYS. I HAVE TO GO MOP UP A NASTY, REEKING PUDDLE OF NON-NEWTONIAN ECTO-PHLEGM, OR SOMETHING. HERE'S A PICTURE FOR THE ALGORITHM. THIS IS THE CHALKBOX, SAYING, "GO BRING THAT PILE OF DIRTY CUPS AND PLATES IN YOUR RESPITEBLOCK TO THE SINK, YOU FILTHY, WALLOWING SLOBHOGS." HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/67CB4DD16DFF.JPG
- Oops! Haha, look at this ENTIRELY CANDID picture of mme that @oleanderSupernova mmanaged to snag earlier, fromm right after I fell! 😅 Now... how in the mmetrically-mmeasured heck did she mmanage to do that? LOL! What lucky timming! 😆😆🤣 - I still have no idea how this happened. But one thing's for sure. You know wommen, folks? Yeah. 🙂↕️ They sure can get the Job done. 😌😌 #SittingMyNubsDown #AndListening - https://i.ibb.co/HfRb9qGC/Mintyl.png
nO, i'M NOT! i DON'T, dO THAT! aNYTHING SIMILAR TO THAT NATURE, i MAY OR MAY NOT, eNGAGE IN, iS BOTH OF A REGULAR AMOUNT OF TIME, aND NOT TO MY FRIENDS! #NSFW
wELL, iF YOU SAY SO, i'LL GO KISS gAMZEE i GUESS,,?
my gills are sore as fuck
H0w many bite marks d0 y0u have
i have a concussion whats everyone up to (tags: The Rankmaid/Chittr, #teamtheyswitch, archive rating: G)
concept: feeling their touch travelling over you when they wake up first the sensation rousing you you stay completely still as they move their hands carefully to gain access to you you continue pretending to be asleep and hope they keep going anyways which one of you is more disgusting? (tags: Reader/Anonymous, #nsfw, #nsfwe, #rankworks, #cnc, somnophilia, somno, rankmaid arisen, early thoughts, free use, only one recuperacoon, archive rating: M)
Unreal Heiress, play No More I Love Yous by Annie Lennox. Or whichever song of hers is the one that goes doopie doopie doop doop doop oh.
@caligulasAquarium @golgothasTerror @terminallyCapricious#2753 #rumble https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/464d8dd0344b.png
@golgothasTerror @caligulasAquarium #rumble https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c1ea4d8c10f2.png
@terminallyCapricious#2753 @caligulasAquarium #rumble https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/405e732f4313.png
clearly you all enjoyed shrimp wwith the wwimps but are you ready to dine on lobster wwith the monsters #rumble #yaoi #rankbait https://msparp.chat/rumbleindapumpkinpatch
https://msparp.chat/rumbleindapumpkinpatch NOW SELLING FUJOSHI GIRLSLUDGE! #lube #sweat #blood #megidomay #rankbait #imcoming #rumble
https://msparp.chat/rumbleindapumpkinpatch the megidos are currently wwrasslin in a wwiggler pool full a lube
NEVER SUBMIT. NEVER SURRENDER. #NSFW. #TEAMDIRK #DIRKJAKE #RUMBLE @ARCHIVEADDICT HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/73869E08C8E2.PNG HTTPS://MSPARP.CHAT/RUMBLEINDAPUMPKINPATCH
maid vs maid livefeed https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f9e8f4146822.png #jakedirk #rumbleindapumpkinpatch
#nsfw #bulgerating @terminallyCapricious#2753 https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScbly6NLeS7p-MQb61x9AdAftQP_unmBPZ8Hg4R1AElPpz7Ew/viewform?usp=header While I'm at it, attaching my image of approval here. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c15a5232b436.png A bulge of concern. I feel strange reading it, given recent events. But the show must go on! Gamzee Makara is a subjuggulator who has earned a lot of respect from me across the various instances of myself gazing at his postings. Even if it's not necesssarily *THIS* Gamzee Makara. Hfff. Also. He is VAGUELY. Not too sure. But he is VAGUELY communing back with me as I try to read his bulge. It seems to be very angry mutterings. His chucklevoodoos must be particularly active! -------- Ｓｔａｔｓ Ｓｔｒｅｎｇｔｈ： 8 I do not know if this is because of his recently increased state of rage, or if it is always this powerful. Gamzee Makara's bulge is quite capable of breaking some of my digits if I mishandle it. This thought both excited and frightens me. Moreso, it makes me worry for his various partners he has had. Ｐｌｉａｂｉｌｉｔｙ： 6 I think this is a respectable statistic, and I am frankly glad it is somewhat inhibited here. Ｌｅｎｇｔｈ： 9 Hffff. Okayokay. Ihavehad. Thishighblood'sbulge onmypan for quite sometime. I can only imagine whatit would be like to be in a position in which he gets to loftily weigh it upon your face. Ｇｉｒｔｈ： 7 Heh. Hhehheh. Ｘ－Ｆａｃｔｏｒ： 5 His X-Factor is interesting. It comes from the subtle features. I will explain in full after the stats and attributes section. -------- Ａｔｔｒｉｂｕｔｅｓ Ｓｃｅｎｔ： He sort of smells like cough drops? A stale, sweet, medicinal taste. Which, frankly, if this were the medicine I were perscribed, I would be happy... Ｔａｓｔｅ： The taste is better than the smell. Like, the opposite of soap. There is a mustiness to it, that comes with the business, but still. The taste is much more lively than the smell. Ｔｅｘｔｕｒｅ： Rubbery, and, has a feature often seen in seadwellers. Microscales. The texture is smooth in one direction, but rough as he leaves. With his strength, I wouldn't be surprised if he could do some damage to a nook... Oh... That's what I saw... Weight: 2.4 Pounds. The X-Factor Score comes from the troll's texture, strength, and shape combination. His bulge has a weight distribution that leaves the base much denser than the tip. This means he is extra agile at the end, and his bulge likely curls in on itself in such a way when it's in you that it feels even bigger and better.
Humans are very amusing a8out their shipping semantics 8ecause many of them confuse surface aesthetics with interpersonal reality. Jake English possesses the demeanor of someone who 8elieves he should 8e dominant. Adventurous. Dashing. Masculine in an almost theatrical sense. The sort of man who imagines himself sweeping others into his arms atop a moving train. Dirk Strider, meanwhile, possesses the infinitely more dangerous trait of actual psychological control. This creates a fascinating discrepancy in which Jake may occasionally occupy the physical role while Dirk continues to dominate the emotional, conversational, logistical, and narrative flow of the relationship entirely. In other words: #JakeDirk is often still #DirkJake.
wwith each year spent alivve and awway from the dream bubbles the memories fade further into obscurity to the point i begin wwonderin did any a that shit really happen did i evver actually knoww those people and did they knoww me or just a facsimile a eridan a screenshot a wwhat he wwas that nevver got to become anythin more did he die again wwhen i came back and im just vvaguely recallin the things he felt at least i still remember the eridan ampora secret handshake me and the other eris came up wwith
My bro gamzee just... always knows how to keep it all down! Ive never had a fella settle in and keep it warmed for so dang long but that maw of yours sure did fit mighty fine around it. Just found yourself at home and all! Boy.
I DO_'T HAVE LICE. I USE TOO MA_Y OF YOUЯR PЯRODUCTS. THA_KS, BABES. <3 <3< <> <3< <3
⊹₊˚{ YOU ARE SOOOO GROSS FOR THAT!!!! #nsfw #nsff }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ i bought you more shampoo, bee tee dubs.... you licentious mummer.... }>_>{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
⊹₊˚{ DONT LOOK. #nsfw #nsff (#notsafefourflarp) #UGHHHH }˚₊⊹ ࣪
⠀⠀⡞⠉⠙⡆⠀⠀⠀⣠⠤⠤⣄⠀⠀ :oX ⠓⠚⣖⠚⠉⠀⡠⠖⢡⠤⢦⡀⡸⣀⠇ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠱⠤⠖⠋⠀⠀
⊹₊˚{ OMG. PUT THAT AWAY RIGHT NOW GIRL #nsfw #hersquiggly }˚₊⊹ ࣪
⊹₊˚{ give her whatever she wants.... just charge the card on my tab if shes ordering anything okay sweet sokari }@⸝⸝⸝⸝@{ #hatethisfish #glubbinHATEEEEher #ughhhh }˚₊⊹ ࣪
⊹₊˚{ WOWWWW! YOU ARE JUST THE WORST!!!! UGH, GIRL!!!! }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ SAVE SOME CHITIN SCRUB FOR MY HOSTAGE WILL YOU! UGHHHH, GIRL! <3< <3< <3< <3< }˚₊⊹ ࣪
WHAT IS_'T WЯRO_G WITH ME IS WHAT EVEЯRYBODY WA_TS TO K_OW. BUT WILL _EVEЯR BE ABLE TO FIGUЯRE OUT. I LIKE IT WHE_ YOU TЯRY A_D PI_ IT DOW_, THOUGH. YOU'ЯRE GOOD AT THAT. ;oX
WHE_ MY HIHI FLIЯRTS WITH A CLOW_ THAT'S _OT ME I USE HEЯR MOST EXPE_SIVE BUBBLE ELIXIЯR I_ HEЯR ABLUTIO_ TЯRAP.
⊹₊˚{ um, when she technically sees you <3< flirting with a clown thats not her on the timeline.... #oops #imliterallysoooobad }˚₊⊹ ࣪
1 LOV3 R4NDOM D3PR3SS1ON 4ND BR34K1NG DOWN 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF TH3 N1GHT!!! >:']
Grab your britches and tighten your belts- the rumblethon-a-rama is set to blow your briefs plum OFF until youre sitting in your skivvies thinking... *shucks* these guys are going at each other hardcore. Were going BACK TO THE PUMPKIN PATCH. Skipping hump day and sliding straight to tussletime thursday! You havent seen oil like this since #eridanweek... and whos to say i wont be taking two princes once more? Fit to make the last set of wicked heels look like damn tubby time. Two for two in a one on one youll never guess what weve got stocked in the back! Well have MUSIC and RHYMES and best of all... two chuckleheads going railing hard as all get out on each other until the fat lady SINGS. Yowzers!!! Someone turn OFF the heat because this whole shindig is about to be FIRE. Be there or be square... more deets in the works so #watchthisspace! https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/beee53c3eedb.gif
OKAY. BUT. SHE ATE MY FUCKING SOUL. AND NOW SHE'S PLAYING WITH MY GUY. SO EVEN IF I LEAVE A SMOKING CRATER. WHERE THE CASTLE USED TO BE. (WHICH WOULD BE INADVISABLE. AS IT WOULD LEAVE ME DOWN ONE LOYAL STAN. AND MY NUMBERS. ARE FRANKLY NOT FANTASTIC. OUTSIDE THE FAITHFUL.) MY RAINBOWDRINKER. IN THE GAME. WOULD NOT BE VICTORIOUS. WITHOUT LIVING PLAYERS. TO DEFEAT. I FEAR. HUMBLING AS IT MAY BE. MY BEST HOPE. AND THE CLOSEST I CAN COME. TO TOTAL VICTORY. IS PRAYING THAT MY #ALPHABEAST #NOSFERATUBUILD. WILL CARRY THE @FREAKNASTY BITCH TO THE ENDGAME. THUS VALIDATING MY GUY. IN THE GAME. AND MY #TACTICS AND #STRATEGY. IN THE REAL.
⊹₊˚{ THIS STUPID IDIOT LOWLIFE BASEMENT DWELLING SCUMSUCKING NOOB IS MAKING MY RAINBOW DRINKER BUTLERS RUN AWAY.... my nflarp! MY NFLARP! }>ᯅ<{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
I don't know. Who cares. Everything is terrible.
wwhat wwere wwe fightin about again
how does it make you feel in detail
no keep talking about it here
get him to keep talking about it here onegai its making me feel funny
Do you understand why I had to punish you.
yeh
Who said anything about Jake? Not everything is about him. This is all about my preordained victory over a homie in need of correcting.
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. Part trois. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/69c71ccb275b.png
And No For The Record This Is Not Me Telegraphing Some Open Invitation To A Nebulous Empty Space In My Quarters Or At My Kitchen Table This Is Simply To Forgo All The Unnecessary Questions #YesImDivorced #WhoEvenCares
@ARCHIVEADDICT YOUR BIAS IS STRAYING AGAIN.
@golgothasTerror Is bringing a surprise guest over for an evening rendezvous. I must admit, after the week I've had it will be nice to put my legs up and unwind. Hopefully his taste in secondary company rivals his primary.
#fishingfriday #fitcheck as our wweekly foray into maritime recreation drawws to a close (wwith nary evven a single damn post in the tag wwtf is wwrong wwith you guys) i am once again carryin on the tradition a furnishin you all wwith photographic commemoration a the day i had out on the wwater "the fishing wwas good. it wwas the catching that wwas bad" -barak trollbama https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c8f1e58286f7.png off to the masquerade
Your name is HILDAH THUBAN. God DAMN do you love your job. Even amongst your ELITELY mirthful peers, you are a CHAMPION of SUBJUGGLATION and a DECORATED RINGMASTER of your own tent in the Dark Carnival. You are the CHOSEN HEROINE of the mythical dragon RESHIRAM, and with the blazing blue flare of TRUTH behind your ROTATING BIZARSENAL, there is nothing that any SCUMSUCKING IDEALIST GUTTERBLOOD can do to stop you. From your spiraling tower, you help to maintain the peace of your assigned colony, POMON. Unless you're in the mood to disturb it, which is as OCCASIONAL as it is your MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHRIGHT. You like to engage in the cultural zeitgeist that dominates your planet's professional, recreational, and economical spheres, FIDUSPAWN; you are as formidable of a beast on the MAKE-BELIEVE BATTLEFIELD as you are on the REAL ONE. The WARRIOR'S BURDEN also follows you home when you aren't at work or at play, forcing you into nightly WRANGLING SESSIONS between YOURSELF, your FIERY, OVERBOARING MOTHER, and your CO-GLADIATOR. This often results in you walking away SOOT-FACED and SINGED TO SHIT, though your unruly mane grows back unrealistically fast. You enjoy yourself a good CONCERT, catching the early-morning GAME on the PROPAGANDA BOX, and long STALKS on UNDELLA BEACH. You're told you have a TOOTHY smile, even when you manage to keep your mouth shut. :oX Your trolltag is achromaticCrusade [AC] and you type with the GUTTUЯRAL GЯROWL of a woman who WANTS FOЯR _OTHING. STOP ASKI_G. (( Lore overview to be added in replies! )) https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/cd140be0a19c.jpg
1 KNOW Y’4LL W4NT 4 THRO4T GO4T BUT 1’M 4 T33TH T3RRY #NSFW
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/facba58a1d7b.png
@gutlessGorturer Alrighty. Let us dispense with the pretense of pleasantry, here. I am going to shift to a lower gear NOT in retreat, but in response to what you must assume is a well-calculated assessment of my person. Some minor concessions. That I stress test my alternates and peers for low-risk data by which I may color my own upward momentum. Such is the necessary vehicle of self-improvement when one has blown off the training wheels and is shakily keeping upright of their own volition- something you know nothing about!! Also, they need a little pushing. It's good for them, and for you. Or it would be, if you weren't too augmented to make use of peer feedback. :P Anyhow, that is where your potency as a social saboteur falls to a fizzling, flat failure. Now on to your points in order. 1.) "Biological clock." Nonexistent. Someone tell this dizzy broad that MY ova are EVER-replenished. Frankly, you ought to know this if YOUR spawncannon is as fruitful as it must be for you to attack MY lack of reproductive bounty. I had better watch the accordion-fold print of YOUR legion of heiresses SPILL from your wallet. LET'S SEE UNREAL HEIRESS' LITTER. The mother hen scratches herself a proper nest before letting loose! I have AS LONG AS I'D LIKE to situate that space before engaging in Phase Two. 2.) You have narrated the cycle of behaviors in my posts. Congratulations. With effort, you might bust out of your CURRENT toady britches of absolute servitude and land a gig in the social media department at MY headquarters! Oh, wait, no. These are the baseline double-digit IQ observations of essentially anyone on the platform who performs a regular check-in on my page. Congratulations rescinded. 3.) I "speak like a CEO" because I am a CEO, who is electing voluntarily to share my personal opinions on certain matters on my PERSONAL SOCIAL MEDIA PAGE. If I were any battier on the main feed, it would be a disservice to my accomplishments in the court of public opinion. Again, a cavelike simplicity to the logic you wield. Could we wake up the SUPERcomputer? I fear my genetic neighbor is burning the interior of the TI-84 she's got banging around up in that empty coconut! 4.) I am a conduit of raw Creation and those properties of Life are mine to "abuse," although I take issue with your liberal application of the word. No jokes here. I am simply going to continue doing what I want! :B 5.) (To the reader: she counted my posts. What a fucking loonybird.) YOU have posted [TOO MANY] times, comprising a quantity I refuse to dignify with an actual figure. Whatever quantity of blithering has escaped your flapping mouth has run past the dadgum fill line. 6.) Eridan Week was in fact spectacular. We are eclipsing into a rare alignment of ideals for this brief moment. Bask in the shadow of my footsteps and see how much wiggle-room you've got yet to fill on those toes. 7.) Again with the a-words. Assault? I have a towering stack of liability waivers that beg to differ. Also missing the strategic point of that night and the greater event as a whole, which doesn't surprise me. You are such a dogmatic black hole that no humor may escape your gaze with ANY remaining merit, even the shroud of joviality over actual gamepiece movement! 8.) I LOATHE being subjected to the fumbling of an individual wearing my face and name. In your case, I'll give you a pass, because you've been rendered little more than an enforcer, and at that task within your own chronology I'm sure you're quite successful. I do not SELF-loathe. This is an inaccurate interpretation of my deeper motivations spawned by YOUR artificial imperative to get me on board with your Ponzi hubbub. Durr. On the off chance that these insults are being relayed strictly for guffaws (which I doubt), you're equally missing the mark. Missy, I have got your number as well as you think you've got mine. At the end of the day, I have BEEN you. You have never been me! One day, when the circlet falls from your scalp and the scales from your eyes, I will accept your blubbering apology in the form of your face mashed against the polished marble of my executive office floors. And then perhaps, PERHAPS, in the name of sisterhood, I will drop you a couple of pointers. Or maybe you'll just die like that OTHER Jane, tormented in biological inauthenticity and so augmented that her tether to Life itself pinched shut in utter rejection of her fate. But trust. It's one or the other for you. :B
lEt’s dIp bAcK InTo tHe hOnEyPoT AwHiLe. GeT OuRsElVeS ThOrOuGhLy mOtHeR FuCkInG LaCqUeReD In iTs gOlDeN JuIcEs. ReJuVeNaTe tHe sPiRiT On tHe sUgAr oF LiFe iTsElF AnD ReMiNd oUr wEaRy bOnEs wHaT It iS We sTiLl hUnGeR FoR BeNeAtH AlL ThE FuCkErY. fLiP ThE ShIt rIgHt oFf yOuR PaN. lEt iT SpLaTtEr aGaInSt tHe fLoOrBoArDs aNd jUsT LoOk aT It fOr a sEcOnD. tHe wAy iT SpReAdS OuT AlL FrOtHy, CoLlApSeD; uNeVeN-LyK. lIkE SoMe fUcKeD-Up fLaPjAcK SaCrIfIcEd tO GrAvItY. aNd iNsTeAd oF SeEiNg a bEaUtIfUl lItTlE BuTtErMiLk dIsC Of cOmFoRt, PrOjEcT YoUr sTrAiN OnTo tHaT BiTcH. yOuR FaTiGuE. yOuR BiTtErNeSs. ThE UgLy sHiT GnAwInG HoLeS ThRoUgH YoUr sPiRiT At aSs'oClOcK. :o) gEt sOmE ShIt oFf yOuR ChEsT, fAmIlIa. BuRdEn tHe wOrLd wItH YoUr aNxIeTiEs aWhIlE. tHeY WeRe nEvEr mEaNt tO Be cArRiEd bY SoLeLy yOu. SuFfErInG IsOlAtEs 'CuZ IsOlAtIoN MaKeS SuFfErInG EaSiEr tO FuCkIn' SwAlLoW, y'dIg? BuT We bE PaRt oF A GrEaTeR HiVe-mInD Of mOtHeR FuCkInG SeLf-rEaLiZaTiOn. A CoNgReGaTiOn oF BrUiSeD CoNsCiOuSnEsS StUmBlInG ToWaRd uNdErStAnDiNg tOgEtHeR. aNd iT Is oUr sHaReD ReSpOnSiBiLiTy tO PuRgE OuR CoLlEcTiVe bUlLsHiT As oNe bReAtHiNg oRgAnIsM InStEaD Of rOtTiNg aLoNe iN PrIvAtE SiLeNcE. If wE PoSsEsS ThE CaPaCiTy tO TaKe eAcH OtHeR’S MoThErFuCkInG LiVeS, tHeN SuReLy wE PoSsEsS ThE CaPaCiTy tO TaKe eAcH OtHeR’S MoThErFuCkInG BlIgHtS ToO. hOnK. #PrAyEr #ViBeS #fAiTh
https://i.ibb.co/DDZsNgPd/image.png The New Alpha Kids: almost the same great taste you know and love. IMG: @terminallyCapricious#2753 @caligulasAquarium @adiosToreador @tipsyGnostalgic#2248 @golgothasTerror @gutsyGumshoe @timaeusTestified#0414
Just go. >:(
ATTENTION @TERMINALLYCAPRICIOUS#2753. THIS IS, APPARENTLY, YOUR HANDLER SPEAKING. LOOK, TIMELINES ARE COMPLICATED AND SO IS MOIRAILLEGIANCE, BUT YOU WORK WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, NOT WHAT YOU WISHED FOR. SO HERE IT IS. HERE IS YOUR TACTICAL RESPONSE. I GET IT. YOU ARE UPSET. YOU CONTAIN WITHIN YOU THE UNBRIDLED BURNING FUCKAGEDDON-IGNITING HEAT OF A THOUSAND GREEN SUNS. IT IS THE HEAT OF A FULL-BLOWN REACTOR MELTDOWN, AND IT FEELS LIKE NO QUANTITY OF CONCRETE AND BORON, NO MATTER HOW CYCLOPEAN THE SIZE OF THE FAT FUCKING DUMPSCUTTLETRUCK THAT BACKS IT UP, COULD POSSIBLY QUENCH THE FALLOUT OF THIS *THERMONUCLEAR* CRASH-OUT YOU ARE HAVING. AND BY THE METRIC OF YOUR OWN SICK, TWISTED, LOOP-DE-LOOP HOPBEAST CARNIVAL LOGIC HAPPENING INSIDE YOUR SLUDGY THINKPAN RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE JUSTIFIED. THAT ASSHOLE'S HORNS STOLE HER GANDERBULBS AWAY FROM YOU FOR FIVE SWEET, PRECIOUS SECONDS, AND IF YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM, THEN YOU'LL SCOOP THEM OUT WITH A SERRATED LARGE ROUND BUNCHFRUIT SPOON AND SPREAD THEM ON TOAST. BUT, TO QUOTE THE INSIPID VERNACULAR OF A BESPECTACLED DIPSHIT RAP GOD I AM SO BALEFULLY ACQUAINTED WITH, YOU ARE CURRENTLY, AS THEY SAY, "SCARING THE HOES." SO IT IS WITH THE REQUISITE CLEARANCE CODES AND THE EN ROUTE BALLISTIC MISSILE OF MY CATASTROPHIC FULL-BORE PALE POWER THAT I SAY TO YOU NOW. LET'S JUST COOL IT FOR NOW, MAN. WE CAN WATCH TROLL AIR BUD, IF YOU WANT. I WILL WATCH *UP TO FIVE* OF THE TROLL AIR BUD MOVIES WITH YOU. SIGH. -- CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST SENT YOU A PAP. --
1F YOU B3COM3 CR1SPY 1'M GONN4 L4UGH.
nOw, I kNoW hE mAd. AnD iT mAy SeEm LiKe ThE mOsT iNcOrReCt MoThEr FuCkInG oPiNiOn EvEr To Be ToLd As A mOtHeR fUcKiNg OpInIoN aNd NoT, lIkE... a StRaIgHt Up LiE, aNd ShIt? BuT uHh. y'KnOw. We ChIlL. wE cHiLl, FaMiLiA. wE sO cHiLl. :o) sPaRe BuDdY a CoNsIdErAtIoN, wOn'T yOu? He'S aLsO lOwKeY mE, aNd LiKe... I'm NoT rEaLlY gOn' ApOlOgIzE fOr ThAt ShIt, CuZ iT iS wHaT iT iS. bUt We HeLlA cHiLl. LiKe We JuSt In OuR oWn wOrLd Fr. It JuSt GeTs A lIl CrAzY wHeN wE gOtTa StOp BeInG iN oUr... In OuR wOrLd, AnD aLlAt. Y'kNoW? yEaHhH. yEaH, y'KnOw. wE cHiLl. :o)
Damn, that's crazy! Too 8ad I respect myself enough to know that's a task for a Maryam, not me!
Fucks sakes everyone it's jane crocker she's *fine*
Oh. Don't you worry. Your hello-nurse is ON THE WAY.
its crazy that you think id even care abt who started it bc idc & i not rly even sure why i would lmao think you should probs figure out how much youd like being in a sensory depriving tank for the rest of however long bc youre abt to net yourself a free trip 2 one :/
@terminallyCapricious#2753 STOP QUAD REACTING MY POSTS! YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT!
JANE?! Are you alright? I was so worried. I.
ALSO, THIS ONE ISN'T MY MOIRAIL. BUT MY LEGENDARY PAPS COME LOCKED AND LOADED AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE. THEY'RE JUST HEAVY-ORDNANCE CALIBER AND CAN'T BE DEPLOYED WITHOUT THE RIGHT CLEARANCE. THESE PAPS REQUIRE PRESIDENTIAL LAUNCH CODES. AND "MADAME PRESIDENT" IS BUSY HAVING A NIGHT OUT.
LOOK, *GUARD.* I'M GOING TO CUT YOU A THICK, MEATY SLICE OF SLACK HERE BECAUSE I'LL IMAGINE THIS SITUATION ISN'T FUN FOR YOU IN PARTICULAR TO WATCH, BUT I'VE BEEN STUCK WATCHING THE ONE-ACT INFINITELY LOOPING PSYCHODRAMA THAT IS THIS PAIR'S UNSPEAKABLE PITCHPLAY FROM HELL AS FAR FROM THE BLAST RADIUS AS POSSIBLE EVER SINCE I LANDED ON THIS PLANET. I SAY THIS AS A CERTIFIABLE QUAD DOCTORTURER. THIS IS WHAT ENRICHMENT LOOKS LIKE FOR THESE TWO. THIS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF TWO ANIMATED, SENTIENT GOLDEN CORRALS TAKING FAT, NASTY BITES OUT OF EACH OTHER. ESPECIALLY SO IN JANE'S CASE. JUST GET BACK INTO YOUR SCUTTLEBUGGY AND FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO EAT.
B33 < kill him jane kill him #girlpower
HTTPS://M3D14.T3NOR.COM/HC8XLYRQNVY4444C/BOOOOOO-TH1S-GUY-ST1NKS.G1F #D4SHW4TCH1NG
HOW TRAGIC. MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD @ RON SWANSON AND TELL HIM HIS WIFE IS GETTING DUMPSTERED ON LIVE SOCIAL MEDIA.
First time?
I'm going to have a pusher attack at this rate.
Regarding @aeneasCaldarium's #CAGTTL. I have thoroughly reviewed both the content of these dossiers AND the general community backlash. My own personal revulsion aside, I must deliver down props where due for this greased-down reprobate's investigative chops. In a way, they're sales chops, and he is the community's MOST reviled door-to-door entrepreneur! It is a shame that burrowing betwixt the legs of a woman like a fat starving tick seems to occupy the greater share of his cognitive ability, because imagine what he could do if he weren't such a foaming pervert! I have seen the societal contributor that he is FIRSTHAND on the opposite face of the dimensional coin. Slight detraction: I wonder if Gameward has laid eyes on this open admission of desperation and his feelings on the matter. I must forward the guide to him later. BACK TO TOPIC. What else could I possibly say? Am I expected to unflinchingly take up the woman's side of this double shield wall? Normally, I say "very well, bub! And hand me that spear while you're at it!" But lordy, he has read you two so transparently that I daresay your iterations have COLLECTIVELY failed to preserve the mystery. He has you open like the morning paper, and you have permitted such prying eyes in exchange for the cheap thrill and the currency of fleeting romantic attention from a man you do not even actually want! There is a lesson about self-esteem to be delivered here by someone with a gentler touch than mine. For now, I shall simply say this. PLEASE, for the love of all womankind, get shrewd and don't just rummage for these cheap loose sexual extremities out of the bargain bin. #nsfw I guess.
i NeEdS mE a CoLd GlAsS oF mIlK sOmEtHiN’ fIeRcE rIgHt NoW. y'AlL fUcK wIt' MiLk? SaCrEd TiTtY-aMbRoSiA pUlLeD sTrAiGhT fRoM tHe MoThEr FuCkInG mOtHeR sOuRcE oF cReAtIoN hErSeLf. gOt BiScUiTs TaStInG dOwNrIgHt DiViNe WhEn YoU dOuBlE-dIp 'Em AnD sHiT. hAhAhA. :o)
Scientists have discovered the fringe alternate timeline in which the human Creators are all British in origin. Everything is the same, practically speaking, but it's Rouse and Rouxy Lalonde.
man dont be like that!! its literally not bc of anything u did LMAO or if it was itd only be bc of like 2 or 3 or 6 of the things also you n jane r like..... hangin out & so youre a no-go zone for me NE ways #NothingPersonnel
[4 V3RY BLURRY PHOTO OF J1NX 3GB3RT THROUGH 4 W1NDOW.]
And the good Lord (rest his soul) said arise, my brother. #BoysNight https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/18766a5844c1.png @caligulasAquarium @terminallyCapricious#2753 @gutsyGumshoe @technicallyTimaeus @tipsyGnostalgic#2248
Rest assured that once you DO receive some official Crocker family portraiture, it will NOT be me sporting one measly half-feathered hellspawn. In fact, what you OUGHT to picture is a room-stifling crowd of well-bred heirs and heiresses. FORGET the Quiverfull. Mother's loading another mag. She's about to riddle the streets with twenty more. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/4ead170a8217.PNG
Who the fuck is miles https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1490429768170995883/1500885563589394512/Tumblr_l_197653682857049.jpg?ex=69fa101b&is=69f8be9b&hm=1851013c71beabb0cb847cb85be25cfa9e4815377098e216be532047600a6632&
@GUTSYGUMSHOE TRANSLATION. “MOE” MEANS CUTE. AND GAP IS ALREADY IN ENGLISH. GAP MOE IS THE CUTENESS RESULTING FROM A GAP OF EXPECTATION. FOR EXAMPLE. IF I TOOK A BRIEF BREAK FROM KICKING ASS. AND TAKING NAMES. TO BE #NICE TO AN ANIMAL OR CHILD. THIS WOULD BE GAP MOE. BUT PLEASE TRUST. I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING. THE AURA LOSS FROM THIS HYPOTHETICAL IS BAD ENOUGH.
What on God's green Earth is a "tsundere." Should I be offended.
GOING TO BE HANGING OUT WITH AN OLD FRIEND TODAY ON MY ENDLESS BULLSHIT WHIRLWIND CAMPAIGN TO ACTUALLY GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH PEOPLE. ...THIS IS ACTUALLY KIND OF NICE.
OH BECAUSE HE WAS GAY SHE HAD A CRUSH ON HIM AND HE WAS GAY IS THAT YOUR JOKE YOU COCKFUCKING BUFFOON IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO? MAYBE SHE SHOULD HAVE MARRIED THE GAY COUPLE!!!! ... What are we even arguing about right now.
WHY DID YOU AT ME.
EVERYONE WITH A 'VERIFIED' CHECK MARK FROM OUR GROUP IS SUCH A FUCKING POSER. DIDN'T WE SPEND, LIKE, SEVERAL SWEEPS ESTABLISHING THAT NONE OF US ARE CAPABLE OF CLAIMING TO BE THE ONE TRUE VERSION OF ANY ONE OF US? THIS GOES FOR PAST/FUTURE/ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF ME, BY THE WAY! YOU'RE THE BIGGEST JOKE OF THEM ALL CONSIDERING HOW MUCH TIME WE SPEND ARGUING WITH OTHER VERSIONS OF OURSELVES, AND YOU'RE PUTTING A PRETTY LITTLE CHECKMARK ON YOUR PROFILE AS IF YOU'RE SOMEBODY? SO FUCKING SELF CENTERED!
the riots are not letting up i dont understand collective punishment has always worked before my empress is working on it but i dont know what else she can do i dont have to know though im just the attack dog
A clown just ran past my house.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/479e6bc636b5.png (tags: The Rankmaid/Vagueposting, currently hiding, archive rating: M)
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/8756e37bfdcb.png
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ Further context on that last post, I think quadrants are labels and you can't really label what I feel for vecks or devotchkas. I know most lewdies see not sticking to one devotchka for each quadrant as a taboo topic-- but you know I was hatched to love.. To restrict my love feels unfair. Never have I found an occupation more meaningful than to love. #nsfw #quadtalk #corny ]
Since we're in Quadrants and Charms 1101 this afternoon. React to this chit with the quadrant in which you suppose you would be your absolute MOST toxic.
Received a comment on my previous post that read "I KEEP CHEATING ON MY MOIRAILS" and burst into laughter. I may be the boneheaded neanderthal in all this business, but discovering a partner has been unfaithful in THAT department simply does not deliver the same level of drama in my mind. "Dear, I cooked." "Oh, swell. What's for dinner?" "THAT FLOOZY YOU'VE BEEN PAPPING." #nsfw #gore too, I guess. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/3db3e2e0cdbd.jpeg
Right. Ok. Yes, right there on the tin. I don't know what I expected. Secondary inquiry. If you're evil, why are you even concerned with the confusion of the masses as to your intentions?
Unreal Heiress, play XS by Rina Sawayama.
I don't get how the lot of you require the shadecover of an anonymous account to profess your more controversial musings. Have you even SEEN the baseline of depravity we have all collectively decided to allow on the feed? I'll say something controversial for every like on this post, no censorship required. Stop limiting yourselves. Go whole hog.
Here you are. In installments of five. Part one. #janetalk #controversial #hidenolonger 1.) I automatically assume the majority of you are nineteen (YEARS old) and unemployed unless proven otherwise. 2.) Some of your typing quirks are conceptually so stupid or painful to read that I ignore your entire person. 3.) Nary a fucking one of you has facial hair worth a second glance. (Save for one I've seen, and he knows who he is.) 4.) I am constantly comparing alternative iterations of my companions to see who is or isn't measuring up. My group is typically on the winning end by my own metrics. 5.) I would LIKE to do so with my own iterations, but you all just KEEP BEING such insufferable numbskulls that I consider you Janes in name alone.
I ORGANIZED A COORDINATED #SUBSTANCE RELATED SHINDIG. I kept my clothes ON, mind you. It is everyone else who got all ants in their pants. #nsfw
In installments of five. Part two. #janetalk #controversial #hidenolonger 6.) I find the social matriarchy of Alternia absolutely doggone hysterical. I think it's great and you can't change my mind. 7.) As a matter of fact, my baseline of perceived competency is automatically lower in men than it is in women. I have higher expectations of them, and therefore I find (especially here) that they disappoint me more frequently. 8.) Every time you indulge your masturbatory habits on the feed right in my face, I lose some personal respect for you. 9.) I sincerely hope this is the reason my own companions have not resorted to such measures. If I am the limiter weighing on their minds like a Catholic saint imposing sexually repressive religious guilt, then so be it. 10.) I consider Creators dating non-players a measure of desperation. #sorry #notsorry #nsfw Maybe?
Another installment of five. Part three. #janetalk #controversial #hidenolonger 11.) Some among you loudly disclaiming my ideology on the feed are DEBASING YOURSELVES in my direct messages. 12.) I am not nearly as bad as a number of you are making me out to be. You wouldn't blink twice if the same opinions were delivered to your chat client by a local highblood, but your preconceptions about overly-mushy human sentimentality blind you to the fact that nothing I am saying or doing is that dadgum bad. 13.) Baking isn't that hard. You are simply piss poor at following instructions. We as a corporation have boiled the process down to the point that most primates could nail it after a couple of tries and a number of you are STILL frying crunchy-crust crudcakes straight out of your grimy ovens. Get better. 14.) I have a private tier list of you ALL ranked best to worst in terms of my personal favor. There are NO ties. I don't believe in them. Each of you is above someone and below someone else, Scooby Doo sandwich style. This includes personal friends and their iterations. You could climb or plummet from the leaderboards on a daily basis. 15.) As of the time of posting, every Alternian heiress prior to the one with which I am acquainted does not exist to me.
Good morning, Chittrlings. (Fantastic term recommended to me by @ectoBiologist#9531 btw. Not only is it cut directly from the theming of the platform, it works because you all go on for miles and are ceaselessly full of shit!)
WHO IN THE COCKFUCKING BLAZES IS CALLING ME THE MEG GRIFFIN OF THE ALPHA KIDS THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
@caligulasAquarium returned from his shindig shortly after I returned home from my own trip, and we spent some time at the house just catching up on all the latest developments. Had dinner, et cetera. Which quickly devolved into watching CMV (Creator Music Videos) edits online. Now, *I* thought he was going to despise the myriad of Eridan edits compiled to the tune of "DON'T MESS WITH ME" by Temposhark (because they make ME guffaw like a starving mule; I find them absurd), but to my surprise he actually quite enjoyed them!! :| It THEN became my intention to find one that eclipsed his need for public attention into full-blown mortification. And I did, sure as sugar cubes. "KISS WITH A FIST" by Florence + the Machine. #erisol. I suspect each of the Creators has a most AND least favorite song to which their worshippers compile their lives into pithy shortform content. It has become my mission to find those songs.
A ranking of the first several Jane Crocker Creator Music Video edits I can find online after a shallow, perfunctory skim: NEVERMIND. STOP THE PRESSES. SUDDEN DEVELOPMENT. What is this. I've been laughing for five minutes. This was SO high in the search results. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/8e0eef0f99ab.png
Maybe the real yaoi was the heterosexuality we found along the way.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/5c7b57c37ec1.png
I've been advised to issue an apology to the gay community for my "insensitive" comments. I am "sorry" for asking if the real yaoi was the heterosexuality we found along the way. It was a genuine inquiry. I will continue listening and learning, maybe.
ANYWAY. The real dealie this go around. Worst to best. A ranking of the first several Jane Crocker Creator Music Video edits I can find online after a shallow, perfunctory skim: 6.) DANGEROUS WOMAN by ARIANA GRANDE - Worst one. This song was so misplaced it actually scored a chuckle out of me. I GUESS I could find some flattery in the association, but neither the lyrics nor the energy of the instrumental feel all that synchronized with who I am as a person. 5.) HIP TO BE SQUARE by HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS - I get it already. The yuppie jokes. The American Psycho. It's me, allegedly. Barring the cinematic comparisons, I disagree with the sense of complacency in Huey's lines as he's tamped down into the constraints of working class society. Do I LOOK like a middle management salaryman with mustard on his tie? It's not even remotely the same thing. 4.) ALL EYES ON ME by OR3O - It's my impression that this is some fansong for a piece of media with which I'm unfamiliar. I don't really get how it applies to me. I like the electroswing. It's fine. 3.) USING YOU by MARS ARGO - Admittedly a song I already enjoy and listen to in my leisuretime. Not even a dynamic which I would disown, but I refuse to dignify WHICH Creator the original poster designated "my boy." :| 2.) STILL ALIVE by GLaDOS, I guess? - NOW into the meat of the stuff. I can absolutely see how we arrived to this juncture. The piece is as charming now as it was in 2007. She is just so smarmy. <3 1.) JANE! by THE LONG FACES - ... No notes. I like it. Her Life's work WAS in fact dirtied by the fools who adore her.
In honor of 420. In an official capacity, I must disclaim that this chart is entirely divorced from my own real-life experiences. I, Jane Crocker, Maid of Life, have never done a drug. Never do a drug. #neverdoadrug Anywhoodle. #substances https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/dfa29e0a13b9.PNG
Why are you questioning this decision. The judges have spoken.
Disagree thoroughly with the budding sentiment that boys should not be fighting over you and rather should simply begin tonguing EACH OTHER. Whoever decided THAT was the move? I demand you resume the scuffle at once. Tear him to shreds! Your status in my periphery depends on it!!!
My wishing numbers/times are 111 and 11:11 for what I hope are obvious reasons. Not that I use them often. But it's fun to partake in a lick of silliness every now and again. What do you wish for?
Three likes on this post and I will do something you don't expect.
Ask and you shall receive. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c1786790d99d.PNG
Swoon.
You are a consistent author of good points, Eridan Ampora.
We could probably cut the series down to these two characters and the franchise would be all the better for it. I would bankroll that.
I hope I don't need to tell you all I don't know jack diddly shit about anime. But under duress (a quad react for you if you can guess who) I've watched an ABRIDGED VERSION of the Dragonball-Z-what have you franchise. Cut for brevity. ... No tier list here. It's Vegeta+Bulma at the top as a singular unit and everyone else in a mulch pile at the bottom. I defy you to even lay a dent in that arrangement. You can't. They're stupendous.
Trying to pinpoint my insecurities by highlighting CURRENT failings will not give you a foothold on my nerves. You simply have to know how mortifying I was to be around in 2011. You want to antagonize me? I suggest you find my quasi-twee epic bacons graphic tee teenage polyvores!
My backside is average texture and consistency, thank you. What an odd leap of causality. If you're not embarrassed by your teenage self, I daresay that is evidence that you have not grown.
LEAVE ME ALONE! GRAHHH. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/72724fb3c6db.jpg https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/d17d73bfdb1e.jpg
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/29bd4bd6803b.png
STOP MAILING ME PRINTED COPIES OF THIS IMAGE I DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE THAT. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/689864295712.PNG
DON'T ACCURATELY INSULT ME ON MY OWN POST!
WHAT THE HELL.
This month's Bake-A-Wish recipient is ten year old PETROC of the Troll Kingdom who wrote a very compelling letter about his... I don't really remember. Voidrot or something. I'm told it was extremely touching. Anyhow. He declined the FULL SUITE OF BETTY CROCKER HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES in favor of his custom wish, which was to- I am NOT paraphrasing- "please make Five Nights At Freddy's Real." ... I believe we at Crockercorp have some unorthodox research and development on the docket! Also the prerequisite healing of his gummy skullholes. It would be a real Eeyore moment if he were to croak prior to the completion of his custom treat. #gore I guess?
Unreal Heiress, play You Are by Lionel Richie.
Humph.
... Thank you.
This is an iteration of myself. :| Though judging what I know of your world, I figure her position as my elder clone signs and seals her my direct predecessor in your eyes.
A vintage illustration from Nanna's youth, as I understand it. Felt worth sharing. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c19f20d44a2d.png
Comment below and tell me what you did to celebrate 4/20. #substances. And perhaps #nsfw depending on your answers.
En route to the office. Unreal Heiress, play Big One by Flyana Boss.
DON'T LET THAT JOKE ESCAPE CONTAINMENT. THEY ARE GOING TO BEGIN TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
I just know it as fact that some of you are making Janes in Tomodachi Life and dipping them in tar or boiling water or somesuch.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/01884cd4eab8.jpg
... I don't actually know. Let me screen the applicants. BUT THE VERBIAGE IS OBVIOUSLY FROM AN OUTDATED PROGRAM. It seems she requires another tune-up. :|
YOU ALSO BUTTON YOUR STUPID TRAP.
UNREAL HEIRESS, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would like to issue a formal apology for the rocky introduction of the Unreal Heiress artificial intelligence. Some bugs were quickly overturned by the Chittr userbase and another round of reeducation has been administered.
Girls' night is going swimmingly, for those of you curious. <:|
Girls' Night! Many thanks to @coralConviviality. ... It went great. Don't ask. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/cfe4d9dbf6a5.PNG
DINER QUESTIONNAIRE. VERY serious business. I advise you all to proceed with caution. ♤ - Waffles. ♢ - Pancakes. ♧ - French toast. ♡ - Doot-doo-doot-doo, can't wait to get a mouthful.
"MOUTHFUL OF WHAT. MOUTHFUL OF WHAT." OH, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T REALIZE EVERY ALLUSION TO A BODILY ORIFICE WOULD LAUNCH ME INTO A SUDDEN DEATH ROUND OF OF POKE THE PERVERT!!!!! I AM BEATING YOU PEOPLE OFF WITH STICKS HERE!
I went to matesprit island and they were redefining their tourism laws to preclude your entry. #matespritisland
Even in childhood, I could never grow my hair out past my chin for one very important reason. ... The (presumably universally relatable) skin-crawling sensation of one's hair touching one's neck and/or shoulders. How do you all do that.
You can make me out to be the couture curmudgeon if you like, and this may be my father talking, but I am going to say what we are ALL clearly thinking: After a certain point, tie knots do not NEED to be seventeen pleats with the full-frontal loop-dee-loop and the seductive curl at the tail. Tie yourself a firm, respectable Windsor. Double it if you mean business. Triple it if you're about to dominate the board room. Don't tie a Half Windsor. You're not a douchebag at a three star hotel bar. Don't Half Windsor two shirts. Whole Windsor one shirt. "NO ONE KNOWS THESE NECKTIE KNOTS EXIST!!!" Yes, because we're going to have to unleash the jaws of life on your VP of Sales rep's neckline to free him of that blasted arrangement. You spent twenty minutes fiddling with the ALEXANDER THE GREAT SIGMA MALE UNCONCERNED LION KNOT and didn't bother to starch your flimsy shirt. Let us all learn to crawl before we start SOMERSAULTING peacock maneuvers to impress our professional associates. Wisdom of the day. No charge. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c63694df9641.jpg
just receivved the unvvarnished textless photograph for my covver on next months edition of cosmocean magazine look out for my intervvieww therein about howw my rearin as a wwarrior destined to succeed in the genesis of a neww univverse informs my decisions as an executivve and howw i maintain my iconic ampora hair swwoop evven in high wwindspeed conditions https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/796f1a15c2d6.png #fitcheck #cosmocean #business #empiremindset @gratuitousAnnuity
OK THANK YOU FOR THE VOCAB LESSON. GREAT! What do you mean fat women. Is that real.
Nevermind. Just reread the entire post. You never cease to say some oddball malarkey shit.
I think this was originally about blood castes, but good to know. I didn't know it could potentially apply to this area of identity as well.
What's the difference between a personal preference and a so-called "chaser." Out of purely hypothetical curiosity.
Took the Kinsey Scale Test. I believe my results may be unfairly skewed by the limited options for feedback.
I don't think this is right. They're definitely incidental, if they even exist. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/e9c025a4d922.PNG
"I love the Beta Kids. I only pray to the Beta Kids." https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/867e846db184.png
My gay husband. My disco ball and chain, if you will.
@gynarchsGoverness UNREAL HEIRESS, I WILL NOT COMMISSION YOU AN ANDROID CHASSIS. STOP SENDING ME THIS FUCKING IMAGE. #nsfw I am pretty sure. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/3b3457465b20.jpg
Heterosexual this and homosexual that. Where in blue blazes are my metrosexual scumbags in their skinny scarves and deep V-neck shirts??? Am I suddenly describing an endangered species? A relic lost to time? No one remembers 2011???
I used the word metrosexual one meager singular piddling time and my notification tab instantly became an Ampora glue trap.
There exists a devoted sect of Life worshippers who have diverted MY personal scripture and convinced themselves under false pretenses I cannot steward my raw force of Creation while also reaching my professional goals. Which would be nonsense, but ignorable nonsense- except they continue to send me this image. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0682dcbf30c6.png
Oh. My god. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/d6fee404b14a.jpeg
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/182598789468.png
Movie night with Dirk. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/98bf3461dbed.jpg
For you, I could stand to spare it.
Chittr is unprepared for the unlikely friendship bridging Jane Crocker and Folykl Darane.
God forbid I ask the real questions in my quest to become ever-more educated on the subject of trolls. Such as this. Does a fresh-hatched grub have that warm buttered-baby scalp scent, or would I find the odor repulsive. Like a burning tire skidmark. We may need to test this hypothesis in real time. @grimAuxiliatrix
#LetJaneSmellTheCaverns #ForScience Get it trending.
Your own hand might do in a pinch! Or you could cruise the classic route and STUFF AN F-ING SOCK IN IT.
?? Bobo.
On the subject. Have you considered a diaper for your ceaseless spewing maw.
Unreal Heiress, play P. Control by Prince.
I am proud to announce that I will be THE FIRST human interloper to set foot within the brooding caverns of Earth-C. This was mostly borne of olfactory curiosity, but I shall keep you, the curious public, posted on my findings.
In honor of #fishingfriday, I'd like to commemorate the most DESIRABLE CATCHES the parasocial users of this platform are endlessly baiting their hooks over. Beware: - The REASSURANCE REAPER. Most commonly downplaying their own social prowess (although at this point I think you people might be grading yourselves quite fairly). - The SYMPATHY SIFTER. Did you purchase yourself a coffee this morning? Good for you. They've never tried it. The purpleblood that keeps them locked in their basement makes them lick dirty puddle water from the dripping rusty pipes. They will make this your problem. - The SEXUAL ATTENTION SCAVENGER. No description for this one. I didn't say his name, but he popped up in your mind, didn't he?
GREAT START. THANKS. THANK YOU KINDLY. :| ... You are. An iteration of one of the people I hold most dearly in my life. So by proxy I suppose a portion of that care extends to you. See, this is harder when you come swinging lecherously out of the gate.
... Oh. It's you. Ahem. I actually have no complaints regarding your account. You seem decently intelligent and pleasant to be around. I... also enjoy the color scheme of your profile.
Ok. I can tell I am stomping the gas pedal on the general populace with undeserved vigor. We're #niceposting now. React and I will say something nice to you.
Which of these #BettyBother legacy emojis are you? https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/457f6937724c.PNG
My #SignatureScent is not a fragrance which can be purchased "off the rack," as it were. It is olfactory couture, and the formula is proprietary. You would know it instantly if you smelled it, but recreating the exact proportions is impossible. It is like the formula for Coca-Cola that way! It has been engineered- shall we say maximized?- for the precise balance between the natural pH of my skin and the underlying chemical signals. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/a2e25cb205f3.png
I'm so proud of her. :B
And by "we," I mean Eridan.
Obviously we're workshopping a #SignatureScent for @caligulasAquarium. I believe we're nearing the final result. Give him a sniff if you ever have the chance. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/2563b639e71b.png
Like this chit and I'll tell you if your typing quirk is moronic, based purely on a superficial skim of your profile.
@grimAuxiliatrix I am en route to the brooding caverns. Do I need. I don't know. A poncho. Is it going to be sticky. Or slime-ish. Should I change out of my suit. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/d494e2a4b84f.jpg
DO NOT enter the brooding caverns if you are unprepared to be covered in dozens of crawling, squirming, greasy infant-sized larvae with semi-sapient eyes.
History indeed! :B That is an excellent summation of your person! You are history.
I would bet my hat you just hunched forward over your desk to formulate that response. Shall we continue to go back and forth over which of us is POSITIVELY NOT BOTHERED? It must be a difficult pill to swallow for a woman who once imagined eternity sprawled before her and then got her everloving shit rocked. How should I say this. You're being let go; your department's being downsized; you're part of an outplacement; we're going in a different direction. Your services among sapient civilization will no longer be required. Enjoy that hot pink slip. :B
They say perfection is the enemy of good (humor)! - Also me, also just now.
You keep telling yourself that! Something tells me your alternates would find this mortifying.
You assume this is some puritanical rant. I am merely swiping at the low hanging fruit, here. Whoops. No pun intended. Anyhow, that's disappointing. You've made an object of yourself. Not very regal.
I visited your page again to take another crack at your score. Did you post your nudes. :|
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better, but the frog dies. - Jane Crocker, thirty seconds ago.
HOLD A MOMENT. I've only just recalled an inquiry I have been toting from several days ago. WHAT is a chubby chaser. <:| #nsfw I presume.
You go listen to Too Young to Die on Jamiroquai's EMERGENCY ON PLANET EARTH album and tell me he wasn't a stealth agent for the human resistance. What did he know??? https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/14a55fa7b1f8.jpeg
H3'S R34LLY GOOD 4T TH4T
You ought to report this to a news outlet. The world will be UTTERLY SHOCKED at the prospect that JANE CROCKER might not be gung-ho and slinging placation about this hippie-dippie commune living. Also. *Closed-minded. And also *after all. This concludes our interaction. You're dismissed.
I don't believe in reeducation on this caliber of social felony. Now, if she were the one picking her cream of the crop and you were home keeping house... that would be inspired.
You slay me.
Your filly ought to be canonized into some religion's church as the patron saint of forgiveness, because I would have paved you still breathing under an asphalt road! #gore I SUPPOSE.
... Am I correctly reading your bio that you're married.
... Yes? Is this where you show enough gumption and follow-through to make a certified pass?
My eyes are simply glazing over at the thin, cheap veneer of these reassurances.
Alright. DM incoming.
There exists a singular ailment BEYOND my abilities as a healer to remedy alone. It's called Baby Fever, and it has only one cure.
IT WASN'T THAT BAD. GOOD LORD. This is why I button up on the feed. I am surrounded by lily-livered false idols of perversion. What's the term. You people are LARPing.
Showed @caligulasAquarium ONE PRIVATE INBOX with an old flame and he was too mortified to snoop through my phone any further. He's been slumping with his forehead against the car window for eight minutes.
The #totaldramaisland auditions are ROLLING IN. We are pleased to report a BUMPER CROP of eligible candidates. Please continue to post your submissions and to tag myself and @starPower. ... I WISH you could read what I'm reading. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/e01183f9898c.png
overw)(elmin? im just wonderin if t)(eyre inspired. say, w)(eres t)(e clown troll ya keep around...
If you find these posts overwhelming, may I suggest you cease munching shrimps with the wimps and sample some lobster with the monster?
Some of you perverted reprobates ought to have your physical addresses reclassified as Superfund sites. I shudder to imagine what encrustation of bodily material hazards your F-ing dwellings. No, hold on. My moment in the seer's hood. I'm receiving a vision. Mmhmm. Yes. :| Some of you have stalactites hanging over your computer desks. I shan't say what of. #NSFW #NSFWE at this point.
THIS ONE WINS.
Everyone wants to be the biggest pervert in the sherbert.
Are YOU excited for #TotalDramaIslandInterdimensional?
Sopranos Tier List. Correct opinions only. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ea90f699102e.PNG
... I regret to report that I have become derailed from my own thought processes while attempting to formulate a proper Breaking Bad tier list. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0ffcae3e3db3.PNG
Twilight. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/fc3814af138a.PNG
Like this post if you consider yourself an extremely forgettable member of the Chittr userbase to be entered into a random undisclosed lottery. Real nobodies only.
@obliqueDetourer https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0046055a3877.gif
Where did you even get this.
NOT FOR YOU!
STOP ASKING ME IF NANNASPRITE IS SINGLE. YOU COULDN'T HANDLE IT.
WHAT?
Just checked. It's Meenah. Saw her most recent submission. I think it's fairly safe to assume my initial point stands.
Are the Peixes even associated with culinary hobbies? This feels like a reach.
I'm not competing, dingbat.
I could never audition for #AngelsNutritionBlock as my sheer culinary prowess would tank the competitive spirits of the other amateur contestants. But please rest assured I WILL be watching this evening, popcorn in hand.
OOC // UPDATED PINNED POST Jane Crocker. Earth-C. Details below. https://gutsygumshoe-chittr.carrd.co/ https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f0d6b970c1f1.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/04a43867d9bf.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/2b98abba0f13.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/b068a46fc3d1.png
AHEM. I may circulate this post for the afternoon and evening crowds again, so don't be surprised if you see a repost. Here are the details for the next season of TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND INTERDIMENSIONAL. Our roster will include: - Twelve trolls, rust through violet castes. Two will be permitted to enter as hemoanonymous. - Four carapacians. - Eight human beings. - Two wildcards. Sprites, cherubs, and species otherwise not listed here. The grand prize for winning will be a fast track to sleazy tabloid fame, a small fortune, and *one* favor of your choice granted by myself. TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND INTERDIMENSIONAL will be sponsored by Crockercorp and air exclusively on the Bettybroadcast Worldwide network (BBW). You have until May 1st to get your auditions in, at which point we will announce the final cast! We will begin live broadcasting on May 11. Please *Read* and fill out the attached form to audition. https://forms.gle/4LzUEzdjbB3ijuqD8 #totaldramaisland
They say all press is good press.
Porterhouse, rare. Eggs, over easy. Single malt scotch, NO ICE. Strawberry shortcake. How is everyone else's evening faring.
The face he makes when he wants... oh, forget it. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f706e8291fe2.png
Serious inquiry for those who have reached immortality only. ... If you wore spectacles- shaded or otherwise- prior to your ascension, do you actually still need them? Medically? Or are you simply committing to your personal branding?
I am never donning another garment that hasn't been cradled in the attentive hands of my tailor ever again. Why is it that when a pair of pants fits your hips, the waistband is miserably oversized?
I would never, for the life of me, call an adult man my "dinky baby boy."
Ahem. THE SLOBBERING DIMWIT'S GUIDE TO BUTTERCREAM VARIATIONS. If you have stumbled upon this post in search of instructions on how to assemble ANY buttercream, period, I advise you politely retract yourself. You may find yourself better suited for THE CULINARY NEANDERTHAL'S FIRST DAY ON EARTH. This is also going to be heavily-laden with my personal opinions... which on this matter I advise you to accept as fact. SWISS MERINGUE: Soft, shiny, and comparable to a marshmallow whip. Best suited as a chocolate frosting, to lend some variation in texture to a layer cake with a denser ganache filling. ITALIAN MERINGUE: More stable in shape and texture than her Swiss counterpart. Light and fluffy. Become more adventurous with your decorative swirls when you pipe your Italian meringue. Well-suited to lemon cake- again, with a heavy curd between internal layers. FRENCH: Custardy. Nearly as thick as the American, but richer due to its high egg yolk content. Pairs excellently with the dark bittersweet notes of dense sponge doused in espresso. AMERICAN: THE superior choice in sugar crusting. Delightfully crisp when bitten into after an evening of drying. Oft-accused of being overly sweet. Pair with simple yellow or confetti cake. Holds sprinkles like a champion. GERMAN: The unflinching centrist. Balanced in texture, weight, stability, and richness. Fewer yolks than the French. Not a poor choice for any partner if you're unwilling to take a hard stance. BEST suited to accompany a cake filled or topped with fresh fruit pieces. CREAM CHEESE: A heavy, tangy delight. Tank thick layers of dense sponge with this big girl. Carrot or spice cake filled with chopped nuts. No need to even carve your cake. Simply pare off the dome, frost, and go. CONDENSED MILK: A silkier, more relaxed hold on shape. Don't expect any fanciful swirls to last more than an hour outside the fridge. DO pair this toasty buttercream with a complimentary caramel layer- either betwixt your sponge, in a butterscotch chip, or in the composition of the batter itself. ERMINE: As luxurious as its stoat-pelt namesake suggests. Stabilized with a boiled flour roux. A superior balance of sweetness and texture if seeking a lighter cream whip. THE traditional choice of frosting to accompany a dark, moist, fluffy red velvet cake. Feel free to post your inquiries below. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/dc28e4b07c3f.jpg
I thank you all for one hundred followers! I have a celebratory post regarding the various differentials between the most common types of buttercream in the works. You're welcome in advance.
I happen to find this Dean Dracon account perfectly charming. However (and I do not understand this reference) my social media manager is encouraging me to ask @downcastDaylight if, based on the visage of his PFP, he did indeed "make the mimic," and if "it was difficult to put the pieces together."
Nevermind. Just got the sleeve of my blazer caught on a fucking doorknob. Everything is cancelled. Tell the Carapacian dignitary I'm cancelling.
And that is a wrap on another productive day at the office.
Day is absolutely stuffed with meetings. I'll see you all in approximately eight hours.
-------------------------------------OOC------------------------------------- ---------------------- PINNED POST / ACCOUNT ESSENTIALS --------------------- DISCLAIMER: If you have been blocked, please do not take it personally. Some blocks are being used more as a "mute" function, and very few are actually serious. If you write something I don't want to see, I will probably block you to avoid accidentally interacting. This may include extreme #NSFW, visual nudity, ERP, #incest, or fetishposting. Exceptions made when it's funny. Roger Rabbit Rules on all things. -------------------------------- JANE CROCKER -------------------------------- Generic Earth C Jane Crocker. 25 years old. CEO of Crockercorp. Unethical billionaire, socially controversial figure, NOT YET pursuing a career in politics. May not be canon compliant. Not married or publicly affiliated in any romantic relationship. No children (yet). Slowly drifting apart from the other Creators. Neurotic. Rude. Self-enabling. Closet case. Millennial. Spoilers from other timelines are A-OK. Doubles are great. DMs are open to all for IC and OOC interaction. Will thread in DM or move longform to MXRP.
Tavros CROCKER? ... Not that there's anything wrong with the man, but he doesn't quite seem like my type. That sounds improbable to me.
CEASE POSTING YOUR ILLICIT EMPLOYEE CONFESSIONS!!!
Pinned post incoming soon.
If you misunderstood my post as a jab over someone with whom I have already dealt, allow me to clarify. It was purposed more toward anyone ELSE who might be seeing my posts and who fall into the referenced category. I WAS content to simply block and move on, until it happened twice in one day. At which point I feel the need to apply a general rule for these jokers to find plastered on the wall. If my post inflamed you in some way, you're welcome to message me directly to sort it out. My DMs are, as always, wide open.
... No. I can't laugh yet. I've got to hold it in.
I can't believe I have to say this, and I believe I speak for my cohorts when I say this, but I will not be entertaining any accounts actively engaging in #incest. Odd that it happened twice in a single day. Odder that they're iterations of familiar faces, but in the mathematical inevitability of the multiverse, some of you have incurred a substantial enough quantity of brain damage so as to no longer even remotely resemble yourselves. ... But I just thought it would make you- I don't know- type differently! Not pork your relatives!!! #nsfw I assume.
Watching the twenty-four hour timer I set for myself before I can post another rant about baking. In the interest of maintaining a fair pace. I don't want to blow my wad prematurely. Not that I'm liable to run out of opinions.
Another important and yet apparently controversial note... NO. MORE. FONDANT. You went to the effort of baking, layering, frosting and assembling a cake. WHY would you cover it with an unpalatable layer of rubbery elephant skin? Say it with me. "We will not add inedible toppings to our desserts." Obviously if you are toothpicking paper dinosaurs onto Little Jimmy's birthday cupcakes, that is a different story. But if I see another cake studded with molar-shattering "edible" pearls, I am going to lose my marbles. And you dizzy people are going to scoop them all up and feed them to a bunch of adolescents, because that is how low you have allowed your confectionery bar to droop. But this is mostly about the fondant. If I attend your function and you make me peel my slice of cake like a chimp with a banana, I am going home.
I have downright DELIGHTED in the company of a select number of you. This platform has introduced me to the most unlikely of cohorts, and unearthed common ground I might have never otherwise excavated. I almost forgive the rest of you for running around with your feverish hand down your trousers. #nsfw I guess.
By George, who is that charming little horse thing?
My ultimate social dividends. Behold the new badge.
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Good morning! The correct answer to what should top a pizza is either plain pepperoni, meat lover's with pineapple, or nothing. Enough with the vegetables and let us stop deluding ourselves.
... IF I DECLINE PTO ON A BLACKOUT DATE BUT OFFER TO HEAL YOUR AILING MOTHER, I HARDLY FIND IT GROUNDS FOR COMPLAINT! ... Did we fire him? ... Oh, right.
Why would it hurt when you... nevermind. I don't want to know.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN CROCKERCORP ANONYMOUS. @crockercorpAnonymous Dispense with this endeavor and delete this account immediately. Who is this.
OOC // ok you people made me oocpost for the first time which i wasnt going to do and wont do again if i can help it but the person being referenced about "being sensitive about doubles" is currently at work but would like to pass along that they were making that comment 100% ic and do not care about doubles LOL. they are not kinning and do not actually care and are totally ok with doubles. but now that their comment in-character has been misconstrued as like REAL WORLD GRIEF somehow i'm just issuing a small statement on their behalf if someone was offended by an IC comment made by a character you DO have the right to block them rather than vagueposting them multiple times ooc. not encouraging counter-hate back to those people cause i dont think any of us give a fuck but. just reminding you thats an option LOL
Based on current iclinations. Subject to change. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/91c141f38920.PNG
I don't think it was at all that serious. I just caught glimpse of his face on my scroll.
I don't need a wing man! I'm not taking flight! This vessel is planting its squat behind FIRMLY on the ground, Goose!
I'm fine. I'm composed. Don't worry about it. This has all been a test. ... Of the Mustache Red Alert System.
Good LORD, who is that. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/981039a7427b.PNG
Is absolutely no one going to check on @centaursTesticle ?? He seems to have been poisoned. ... It's making for some hilarious timeline fodder, but I'm bordering on concerned he'll croak. Just make sure whomever finds him deposits him somewhere I can access the cadaver, if you please. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/8320cb97ab90.PNG
Just put real dollars on the line on whether or not Karkat Vantas gets his face kicked in by an opponent of reasonable strength. I have a feeling this one is sort of a layup.
@caligulasAquarium @timaeusTestified#0414 Official summons to extend your social courtesies to @anthelionsAlysm as fellow Princes. You're both welcome in advance. Now giddyup! :B
Not you either. Again, the apex of everything wrong with you lot has yet to rear his mug.
You think you're the guy. Pally, you are not the guy. None of you at your peak could ever hope to become half as insufferable.
NO clownposting. You're going to summon him.
Anyway. That was a joke. My car is fine. I don't know which iteration of myself THAT fellow just sabotaged, but I am pretty certain my iteration of him is still in the dungeon where he belongs.
-- gutsyGumshoe's car exploded! --
Witching hour up to answer emails before I hit the hay a second time. If you find yourself unable to interact with my profile, I do NOT want you to extrapolate any quantity of personal dislike from the mere gesture of my block. It is possible you merely differentiate from the iteration of you to which I am accustomed SO MUCH that you have become unrecognizable. It is also possible that you repeatedly posted your genitalia. Finally, I don't think I have the psychological sand to interact with Troll Wendy Williams, or whomever the hell these Alternian pop culture equivalent figures are. The existence of those accounts in particular are simply too silly for me to wrap my head around. That's all.
I am catching some shuteye and I say a quick bedside prayer to whichever deity of yore can ensure you're all fully dressed by sunup. Also, do not text your exes.
I will not be boarding this trend today or any day.
I've asked my social media intern how to properly convey that my meetings stretched well into the evening and it will be morning before I can complete my shill obligations. As someone who prides herself on crushing a deadline, I hope this sums it up. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/bc7661d06e7b.jpg
I've been accused of shilling for social currency and meaningless online status figures. ... I mean, durr. Have you met me.
I warn you all in advance that I have a whole heap of self-assigned homework to attend to after close of business day. If I turn your feed blue, apologies in advance. So many of you are curious about what desserts I would associate with you, and I am prepared to answer with, as promised, varying degrees of effort based on my whims in that very moment. I'm officially announcing final call on that post, so hop on the wagon while I've still got the tarp open, little Ingalls. Found under my profile.
Initiate Get Badge protocol. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/7e1e90902e91.PNG
Ten reacts and I'll share the plot of the godfiction that made me lobby for the criminalization of godfiction on Earth-C.
Ahem. Those who followed instructions first, as planned. Then the rest of you. @tabescentGlamour ... Ok. I opened your profile to peruse your writings and I have questions about at least one of the words in your bio. At first glance you seem to be taking up a profession which requires the capture of your peers' attention, apparently at any cost- including your own modesty. You don't have to put on the thigh highs. I think that's a song by The Police. So I would pretty much forego a dessert of any real substance and assign you something flashy and overpriced, meant to drop rumps into seats. Here's the Sugar Factory goblet cocktail. https://tinyurl.com/5n6t4we5
React to this post and I'll assign you the dessert I would associate most closely with you, with varying degrees of effort and interpretation based upon how much I enjoy you or remotely give a hoot about your existence.
There's always a stark difference between those who worship at the Altar of Life/Hope/what have you and those who have a personal, professional, or political stake in the public-facing Creator personas. One is more... reverent, I suppose, but the latter makes for such superior conversation.
As aesthetically pleasing as a tall, decorative swirl of hearty buttercream looks atop a cupcake, several considerations are at play. Is the crumb of the cake substantial enough that the cupcake itself isn't top-heavy? You cannot simply rely on a foil liner to prevent the little dolt from flopping over. When you take a bite into dense frosting, you will find yourself underwhelmed by the base sponge. The whole experience is ruined!!! The simple truth of the matter is that you NEED a denser, richer cake base for tall frosting-toppers for both weight distribution and a cohesive textural experience. And if we're getting extremely controversial today, some of you are getting a little too gung-ho and WAY overfrosting your cupcakes. You can overfrost a cake for aesthetic purposes because you eat the slice with a fork, and can portion out your sponge-to-filling-to-frosting ratio with each bite. It is amateurish, but it's less of a hate crime. But when you are unwrapping a cupcake, and the swirl atop is plumb tall as your dadgum nose, HOW are you supposed to eat it? If you need a fork to attack what is meant to be a simple handheld treat, you have failed in its assembly and should be ashamed. Ok, my receptionist is telling me not to use the word ashamed. You have failed in its assembly and... I am very disappointed in you.
You continue to have good opinions. Why are you homeless right now.
I've been told to rephrase my inquiry to sound more sensitive to your predicament. What happened to make you homeless right now.
Something to do with a jolly, green giant and his penchant for technicolour pyrotechnics. I'm in the midst of coming to an agreement that will hopefully remedy this unfortunate state of circumstances. But, thank you for your consideration nevertheless.
Not ideal. I'm familiar with the tactic. Errr. Right. Well, bully for you. I'd have offered to put you up somewhere, but at this point I never know which if you is off-planet and which are actually within my range of aid.
No, not terribly. Worry not, however. Whilst your generosity will surely one day earn you the gratitude of all those you have offered such extensions towards, I've got my business covered. P.S. The Super Moist French Vanilla mix is my favorite.
... Yes, it seems you do. :B Your business and your taste. Feel free to keep me posted directly on your progress.
Sometimes you just hate to see someone bastardizing the purity of one's craft as a quick attention-grab.
Now, that is downright serendipitous! :B https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/6944337cc43f.PNG
Speaking of breakfast. ♥ - The whole shebang. Eggs, bacon and sausage, toast, hash browns, pancakes/waffles. ♠ - The Continental. Pastries, yogurt, fruit, coffee, juice. ♦ - All the bacon and eggs. All of them. Bankrupt the kitchen. ♣ - No breakfast, like a dimwit.
Another would-be assassin apprehended at headquarters and now my coffee is taking forever. The in-house appearifier simply does something odorous to beverages that I prefer to go without. Nothing is as good as coffee hand-delivered by a sweating intern with flapping tie and grass-stained shoes.
Good morning, Chittr.
I believe that about does it for the day! Good evening.
OH NOW THIS IS JUST EFFING RIDICULOUS. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/7069d50cd0cc.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/17db64adab59.png
Apparently that post spawned some additional submissions to my direct messages. This piece had no title. I'm not sure I appreciate it. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/4594c0e2e575.png
I suppose I'm obligated to utilize the new functions of the site as they're bestowed upon the userbase. All I really have on hand are unsolicited messages from my other platforms. This piece was an artistic rendering of my infantile delivery unto Earth-A, entitled "Heiress Never Cry." https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/a34387f29476.png
I cannot believe Jake would make a statement so barbarically outdated and ignorant so as to put the aesthetics of a single hemocaste on some big towering pedestal. ... And not even pick the right one.
Why any of you would want to willingly enter a nebulous, undefined relationship wracked with longing and unfulfillment is beyond me. ... :|
Go on.
Ok yeah sure whatever great.
I refuse to believe a single one of you is actually drinking gasoline.
... Go on.
Have you been performing this ritual on the regular?
That about ties a bow on it, yes! I can't wait to watch you beat away the overwhelming tides of barely sapient drivel this establishment offers on tap.
Oh, good. Vantas has thrown HIS schlubby little hat into the ring. :B
I have been alerted by Jake that there are numerous posts calling for my immediate social execution on grounds of unfair judgment. However, these posts have been made by mouth breathers whom I have barricaded from my feed for the sake of my own sanity and/or general disdain for exposed genitalia. IF you are reading this, possibly through a companion or a burner account, I may consider unblocking you if at some random interval I review your profile and you no are no longer suffocatingly annoying. Carry on!
Hello, you.
What.
Why are you trying to do that!!!
I don't think anyone was doing that on this thread in particular!
Nesben posts once and every Nesbian on the platform comes crawling out of the woodwork.
A general Nesben enthusiast, I'd say. But sure, that too.
♥ - Betty Crocker Super Moist Chocolate Fudge ♠ - Betty Crocker Super Moist Classic Vanilla ♦ - Betty Crocker Super Moist Red Velvet ♣ - Betty Crocker Super Moist Rainbow Chip (Funfetti)
Are you the one pretending to be blind online.
Ok. :|
Out of general curiosity. Are ALL of the trolls on this platform from Alternia itself? Are any of you by any chance civilians of Earth-C?
That was a fat load of expository tripe you just unloaded onto me. Have you not a care in the world for casual spoilers? :B What do you mean "ancestor."
Where are you getting 400 years from?
You did this.
Right. Like the hot, shredded ham of lore. That thing everyone sure knows about, straight out of the cultural lexicon.
... Am I having a stroke? I was born in 1996.
Forget snooping on one's likes and dislikes. I am rapidly approaching Jake's Kult score- a fact which I fully intend to rub his snout in over lunch tomorrow. ... Whatever it signifies.
... What in Creation is the Autoresponder doing here?
I felt it was the only way to properly convey my feelings on the matter. :B
If that's the case, I've been caught with my britches down on one more thing to which the rest of our sphere is up to snuff!
I guess so. Isn't it just sort of a mechanism of convenience for Dirk? Everyone keeps describing it like he's some bonafide fellow.
... Er. Ok. No, I suppose not. It occurs to me that we may not be operating on the same chronological wavelength, either.
Did you just pop me back? :B
I'm a fan of Nesben.
Get your rancid mug off my screen.
... Interesting. Now that is an industry into which I have not yet broken ground.
I really don't want to find myself caught in the seductive pull of the neverending schlock scroll cycle. I have too much to do today.
I don't know that it's constructive to thrust me onto each and every social media platform that gains a certain threshold of traction in the public sphere. But I guess that's why you hire a social media consultant. ... Still. Some of these posts and profiles don't even bode, chronologically. I think there may be some shenanigans afoot.
... Nothing. Proceed.
OBEY. SUBMIT. CONSUME. __________________________________ My calculations tell me this shit is trash. __________________________________ EMBRACE YOUR CULLING. CONFORM TO SOCIAL ORDER. STAY ASLEEP.
OH, THAT IS RICH COMING FROM YOU. AS IF I WOULD EVER ALLOW YOU NEAR AN IMPRESSIONABLE SPAWN OF MINE. THIS PIECE OF FICTION IS CLEARLY UNRELATED TO EITHER OF US!!!!! Mark my WORDS. You and I will never. EVER. UNTIL THE HEAT DEATH OF THE MULTIVERSE. HAVE "HUMAN BABIES."
↘️yes.↘️ ↗️IT IS A LITERAL HONOR TO RECEIVE SUCH HIGH PRAISE FROM SOMEONE IN YOUR POSITION.↗️ ↘️socially, physically↘️ ↗️OTHERWISE.↗️
I posted a single innocuous inquiry about chubby chasing, and the clown is ALREADY standing outside my home office window. How he managed to bypass the estate security is anyone's guess, but also utterly predictable. He's out there posing like Justin Beiber. On his way to make One Less Lonely (Fat) Girl. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/2172617eea7f.jpeg
↗️I AM DENOTING THAT YOU ARE LOOKING UNCOMFORTABLE AND ALSO DISINTERESTED IN ENGAGING WITH THE MAJORITY OF THESE GRUBLINGS, PRESUMABLY BECAUSE THEY ARE OF A LESSER SOCIAL DESIGNATION TO YOU.↗️ ↘️this is totally understandable, and only admirable.↘️ ↗️TO ENTER A CAVERN AND CODDLE THE FUTURE WORKING CLASS↗️ ↘️to hold them in your delicate and glorious prongs↘️ ↗️IT TRULY GOES TO SHOW HOW CONNECTED YOU ARE TO THE INFERIORS OF YOUR SOCIETY.↗️ ↘️i wish that were me.↘️ ↗️OR THAT I WAS THE ONE PHOTOGRAPHING THIS ORDEAL.↗️ ↘️as so i might stand in the presence of greatness just once.↘️ ↗️AMAZING.↗️ ↘️hh↘️
Dear god. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/7d4308246c45.PNG
... AND THANK YOU I GUESS!
WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM.
Just for the record, and speaking extremely o8jectively, Jane is 8Y FAR the most fucka8le of the alphas. The lead she has on the rest of you is craaaaaaaazy. This is, of course, with Callie in consider8tion, for those of you at the edge of your seats. If we include Tavros and Eridan, Tavros just 8arely eeks out a win against Jane, and Eridan juuuuuuuust loses to Jape for 7th place! Sad. @adiosToreador @gutsyGumshoe @timaeusTestified#0414 @golgothasTerror @caligulasAquarium @tipsyGnostalgic#2248 @uranianUm8ra#4373
tHE UHH, sPECIFICS OF OUR, sPECIFIC BOND ARE TOO, cOMPLEX TO BE DISTILLED DOWN INTO, sOMETHING LIKE THIS,
BUT THE SELECTIONS ARE MY HYPOTHETICAL CHOICE. I AM CAPABLE OF SELECTING MY OWN RIDICULOUSLY OVERPOPULATED MOB OF- why am I arguing about this.
could you imagine if you were in love like in love love so flushed the world felt like it would crumble if you were apart from them and through unexpected circumstances you die and your matesprit is so destroyed by losing you they spend sweeps trying to perfect a perfect copy in the form of a robot or ai and time and time again it just isnt right so they kill you or at least an iteration of you over and over with their own hands as they rework code or rebuild structures to try and find the same warmth and devotion they held towards you trying to fill the void with a mechanical creation made in your image sinking deeper and deeper into their obsessive sickness missing your kiss your touch your laugh the unending desire to return you to them completely destroying them from the inside out because even this impossible goal of recreating you at least keeps you fresh enough in their mind where they can make out your face as they try to fall asleep when the work is over each day (tags: Reader/Matesprit, im not really sure, #nsfw, #violence, hurt no comfort, #rankbait, flushfic, major character death, yearning, robotics, archive rating: T)
You can't pick Jirachi.
I didn't say that just to you because you're. You know. I'm an ally. #ally
~let us see the spheres clovvnbae
anyone else feel like those horns are kinda familiar
Good morning, you.
THANK you.
Dont Ashen Pale My Chit
jude left a bottle outside of my room labeled "among us potion". i am not drinking this.
be my guest scary clown troll
It Is Much Too Early For You To Be Attempting To Get My Gallopbeast
my soul / idk
it weirdly does / thank you