R. Lalonde
@titularTerror
Author. Not much else. Please direct all business inquiries to my DMs.
I have retreated upstate for the time being, as the wetland that is Old New York has made this recent humidity wave unbearable to weather in the surrounding areas. I wish only the best to those who will face the floods head on as this week-long storm approaches.
Stay safe up there. Bundle up.
Didn’t you know? I am the patron saint of safety.
If I decide I want to drown in my own sweat secretions I’ll follow your advice.
I'm told that we should brace our loved ones in the on coming storm. I would recommend getting a boogie board instead. #SurfsUp
I have recently been contacted by a shifty organization that dub themselves the “Shadow Money Wizard Gang”. Could this interest in me and my work be caused by one of you all?
Time for the announcement I have been excited to make! To celebrate 100+ followers, I will be holding a meet and greet gala soon. Please respond here or in a post tagged #CofLGala with an image or collage of what you would wear to such an event. I will randomly choose a few fans to take pictures with to promote the newest entry in the #CotL series. Show off your finery for a chance to win a rendition from yours truly. Thank you for your time and I hope to see you there. https://i.ibb.co/nN4B6zcK/IMG-8771.jpg
iii might need to consult with a fashion expert i know before i submit for this but it'd be so fun!
Would it be excessive? Obscenely so. Would it be called for? Objectively so. I would be more inclined to hasten my efforts to don this garb in earnest if I could persuade, by force or by spell, other friends to don the remainder of the Gatewatch's numbers...but it's almost more entertaining if I were the only one sporting an esoteric and obscurely donned set of necromantic digs. https://i.imgur.com/BufMH7a.png
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/e4c2b63b5039.png pullin up in one of these what else
https://i.postimg.cc/sgNnbchW/IMG-6018.jpg I would be delighted to attend. You are an inspirational author. #Unbiased
so this is how you treat your first and most loyal fan fucked up
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http2://cdn.imgche2t.com/file2/3474fe65c55d.jpg Only the be2t. #CofLGala
https://i.etsystatic.com/62833947/c/1024/1024/0/0/il/aeee48/7657512986/il_800x800.7657512986_ncvp.jpg I pray something like this isnt too garish... but i like to think its at least somewhat befitting of the #cofl aesthetic!! #coflgala
Hm. I’m getting word from my social media manager that something happened to how that image is rendering. Perhaps I fudged the file while I was attempting to upload it. Something about a black blur obscuring me? It’s no matter, I will try again with a colored photo this time. https://i.ibb.co/spqt27p1/IMG-8775.jpg
YES THERE IS IN FACT STILL A PROBLEM! THOUGH THE MORE I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE I THINK IT IS BEFITTING OF YOUR STYLE AND LITERATURE. I LIKE IT! POST REPLY.
I comprehend this image just fine. Not sure why everyone else seems to be having trouble. New haircut looks good.
Why thank you, Dirk. It seems all normal on my end. Perhaps it is not me but certain onlookers who are wrong.
If that is the case then perhaps I will simply stop worrying about it and maybe the problem will resolve itself.
Hello, dear readers. I am happy to announce my recent headshots have come in. To any excited fans or preying tabloid eyes, please be sure to use this approved image of yours truly from now on. Thank you. https://i.ibb.co/kVq58MtJ/IMG-8776.jpg
They’re called headshots because they are portraits in which the focus is on the subject's face. If this is a cruel threat onto my life, know that bigger fish than you have tried me.
I appreciate your reply but for future reference, adding an ‘I think’ on a lady’s portrait reads as backhanded and disingenuous, which is a tonal indication that I am sure is below you, Mr. Egbert.
OF COURSE! THOUGH TO BE CLEAR, THE COMMUNICATION THERE WAS ENTIRELY INTENTIONAL. I AM STILL PROCESSING MY OWN EMOTIONS REGARDING YOUR FACE AND WILL AMEND MY REACTION WITH A SEPARATE REPLY IN THE FUTURE IF THAT THOUGHT RESOLVES ITSELF. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO MY DICTION! IT'S AN HONOR TO HAVE SUCH SKILLED EYES PROVIDING ASSISTANCE TOWARDS MY DIGITAL PENMANSHIP! POST REPLY.
If I see another one of these clearly doctored photos in any press release or tabloid again I’m going to fire my entire publicity team out of a real and true canon. I must take new headshots soon to give these people an accurate photo when they slander me.
YUSSSSSS #UWillWin #FIGHTFIGHTFIGHT #SueThePantsOffTmFuckinZ #AndThenCurseThem #TheySaidYouWereRlyGoodAtCurses #GETTTTTHEM
Hello all. Please forgive my absence. I was struck down with a sickness that I suspect to have been caused by some form of biological warfare. To all others suffering from similar symptoms : my condolences to your family and loved ones for your inevitable loss. To my enemies: I lived, bitch.
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Glad to see you're on the up and up. #AtEm.
And For Quite A While Longer Still Shall You Continue To Live I Hope
I’m getting word from the outer gods that my nephew has now completely and utterly succumbed to evil. I knew that already, though. I see the things he rechitts in secret.
It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming... on days like these, kids like you... should be enjoying yourselves.
It’s because of the likes of you and your kind that beautiful days like today are an increased rarity on Earth.
did you write this lovely poem yourself?
Dr. English! What a pleasure to have you write to me. As for the sentiment held within my chit, no, I’m afraid not. It came to me in a vision and stuck with me since.
what wonderful company you make! Feel free to write at your leasure
I’m pleased to announce an upcoming event that my publisher has promised to host should this account 1) refocus on actually promoting our beloved series and 2) reach 100 followers. I will keep you all updated as things fall into place.
looking forward to what youve got in store
put moray fis)( in yo books itll kelp
Great. The @horrorTerror broke my notification hub. It’s now glitching out rapidly and completely useless. That’s what I get for trying to follow up on the email I sent.
There is nothing to forgive, my vast and unknowable wine-dark patron… At least the effects have began to fade.
It seems as if our pond has grown enough to attract some bigger fish. So long, my sanctuary. The sharks are already here.
Tis I ye little \/\/aguepostin shite. I dunnae kno\/\/\/\/ ye. But I am th'only aquatic predator this side o' the ocean.
But ye admit I am a catch. I am flattered, but m'quadrants are strictly for highbloods and mythical types.
Dash yourself upon some rocks and be gone from my sight. It’s your empress I’m really worried about.
Ah, the Empress! \/\/\/\/here? I \/\/\/\/ould like to get an autograph.
I have glorious news. After being in touch with a secret contact, I have procured a “badge” to promote the upcoming press tour for my newest novel. Witness its slithering splendor and prepare yourself for the next installment of Calmasis’ journey…
Spiffy. I've been considering an equivalent mark of affiliation. :B
Damn it all. I always forget to time my delivery order so that they don’t arrive while I’m waist-deep in communing with dark forces. How am I going to explain the sulfuric smell to the Dominoes Pizza guy who’s most definitely also a spy sent by the witch.
Speaking personally, I’d be delighted to find myself waist-deep in a dark communion.
slide 'em a $20 as a tip and tell 'em to never speak of what they saw ever again
I should research rituals to see if I can tap into your timeline. Aside from all the obvious positives from knowing the future, perhaps you might find yourself in the unlikely position of moonlighting as a Domino's Pizza Delivery Driver/Imperial Spy. In which case, I’ll be sure to tip extra for your favorable discernment.
Unfortunately even my overflowing wealth holds nary a candle to the psychological vice grip the batterwitch has on these pitiful fools.
I’d rather resign myself to an honest job in food service than work for you-know-who. Anyhow, I think I’d also enjoy that. If there’s anything you need to know, do feel free to ask. Tips are also appreciated.
I’m unfortunately lagging behind temporally, it seems. That is, if your reported sweeps are anything to go by. I am almost scared to ask how it all goes even more wrong in the coming years.
Finally, some peace and quiet around here. Now I can muster up the concentration to begin my ritual.
I need material for my next work in my series is all. My editor has resorted to threatening innocents. @gardenGamma @torturedTragedian @ectoBiologist#5688
Are you one of the innocents. It’s more dire than I could have possibly imagined…
I don’t believe in these petty squabbles of ego. At least not up until my personal ego is prodded. But I am a Lalonde and so I must show my support or face great shame. And I can’t do that, I have books to sell. #Lalondesupremacy
Forced cold turkey for three minutes. #ImDistressed
I don’t mean to shame any of my beloved followers but a pair of abs just followed me. This is even more intense than the boob situation. #nsfw
I Don'7 Believe I7, I7's Almos7 Too Good To Be True
Greetings and salutations! And apologies for the terrible first impression i really didnt mean to fall tits forwards into your notifications, im still getting the hand of this newfangled site...
No apologies necessary, my chiseled friend. Pleasure to have you in my midst.
Thank goodness that’s done with. Now I can go back to focusing on my visions.
Thank you to the talented @hatsuneMiku for agreeing to work with me to promote our beloved #ComplacencyoftheLearned. Follow her to see an upcoming CalmasisXMiku collab.
