Jake
@golgothassTerror
Adventurer extraordinaire!
Dagnabbit!!! I cant get this goddamn hornswoggled friggin profile pic to crop right!!!!!
Utterly despicable to me how quickly people forget that celebrities are frigging PEOPLE!! With feelings and livelihoods and reputations that dont deserve to be tarnished for momentary entertainment!!! Boo on you @tmzOfficial !!! BOO!!!!!!
BE NICE TO US WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO.
We ❤️ our haters! Don't they say all publicity is good publicity? 🤔
Bully to your feelings! Your entire business thrives on public humiliation and exploitation!!!! That doesnt deserve a dirt encrusted speck of respect in my eyes!
Take back that blasted ❤️ right this second!!! You damn well know thats just a justification to be a cruel BITCH!
We only report on public information. Maybe they shouldn't have walked around in broad view of our cameras!
Anyway!! Attempting pork chops for dinner!! Would anyone else like to partake in a bite or two? #husbandmaterial #oratleasttryingtobe!!
Yes!! Immaculate taste!! Its an absolute favorite of mine as well! Here you go miss! https://www.fromvalerieskitchen.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/skillet-braised-pork-chops-23.jpg
:33 < jake, you realize a RAW purrkchop would be up to my standards? :33 < this is a thing of beauty as fur as im concerned
RAW!?!?!! Oy vey... gotta say im a little green around the collar about how strong a troll stomach can be!! But im glad youre enjoying!!! If you ever find yourself feelin a little peckish just give me a holler! Happy to whip something else up for ya!
Admittedly i cant lurk about this website for particularly long without feeling a tad morose. Its just so strange being alone and yet so surrounded by iterations of the people youve loved and laughed with or tussled against or... oh bollocks, i really need to stop using this profile as a bucket to puke my brackish frickin thoughts in! Ignore me. Resume the titty talk as per usual!
There is another English. And he is absolutely fucking rancid. Do not try to convince me otherwise.
its soooooo hard not 2 b!!!! but if we were besties b4, we can b besties again :3
Err.... as in a me thats gone dark sided? That is worrying...
It’s okay. I have hands, and if I see his ass, he’s going to wish he wasn’t born.
Ah! When youre right you are so incredibly frigging right!! I'll remind myself of that next time im feeling too squeamish on the matter... thank you roxy!!!!
Thank you, Roxy.
Hell yes!!! I may not have the faintest idea who youre talking about but if you need a second pair of hands to tag into the scuffle you know im your man!!
Haha, thanks, Jake. I appreciate it.
Time for the announcement I have been excited to make! To celebrate 100+ followers, I will be holding a meet and greet gala soon. Please respond here or in a post tagged #CofLGala with an image or collage of what you would wear to such an event. I will randomly choose a few fans to take pictures with to promote the newest entry in the #CotL series. Show off your finery for a chance to win a rendition from yours truly. Thank you for your time and I hope to see you there. https://i.ibb.co/nN4B6zcK/IMG-8771.jpg
iii might need to consult with a fashion expert i know before i submit for this but it'd be so fun!
Let me know if you need suggestions. I hope to see you there, Jinx.
Would it be excessive? Obscenely so. Would it be called for? Objectively so. I would be more inclined to hasten my efforts to don this garb in earnest if I could persuade, by force or by spell, other friends to don the remainder of the Gatewatch's numbers...but it's almost more entertaining if I were the only one sporting an esoteric and obscurely donned set of necromantic digs. https://i.imgur.com/BufMH7a.png
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/e4c2b63b5039.png pullin up in one of these what else
No photo for you.
https://i.postimg.cc/sgNnbchW/IMG-6018.jpg I would be delighted to attend. You are an inspirational author. #Unbiased
so this is how you treat your first and most loyal fan fucked up
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http2://cdn.imgche2t.com/file2/3474fe65c55d.jpg Only the be2t. #CofLGala
https://i.etsystatic.com/62833947/c/1024/1024/0/0/il/aeee48/7657512986/il_800x800.7657512986_ncvp.jpg I pray something like this isnt too garish... but i like to think its at least somewhat befitting of the #cofl aesthetic!! #coflgala
Ok this one is awesome.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/47019878f32c.png @broBot ... So THATS why ive been feeling eyes on the back of my neck all frickin day...
Looks like we're starting this morning off with a dadgum freepin headache today!! 💢
Hatemance sure is a kick in the motherblipping tushy. How the unholy hell anybody can engage with this detestable twaddlefuckery without suffering several heart attacks ill NEVER understand!!!! 💢
More than mindboggling. This shit is frickin bananas!!! Who the heck likes stress!? MADNESS.
Damn it dirk! Focus!! Im trying to ask a genuine question here! Cease your ogling at once!
*SIGHS!* No no. Forgive me for my tone. Just wasnt the sort of comment i was expecting whilst blowing my top off on social media is all.
i think it's a slightly better stress. or like an outlet for it? there are an awful lot of stressful things on alternia after all!
No hard feelings! That sort of thing happens all the time to me aha. Im used to it!
I Miss My Wife. I’m Over Here Having To Be Normal When I Could Watch The Intricacies Of A Woman With Familial Damage To Her Psyche
Same
Jake Why Did You Rechitt This
No but i still miss her. She usually just threatens to break my bones
But yes i suppose i reckoned i related enough to the impassioned yearning for a psychologically tormented nutcase of a spouse, so...!
You Mean Your Partner Is Just As Mentally Perhaps Unstable As My Wife. Lovingly Said Of Course But No Less True
Oh Jake. We Both Know The Statement Applies To You Too. It’s Ok
You people frighten me something dreadful.
ur pfp is ur tits nd happy trail. get #mpreg
W-whoops! Confound it all my dagflab finger slipped again!!
concept: holding the barrel of your gun to their forehead, finger teasing the trigger watching them reach for your wrist to slowly lower the weapon to their lips, placing a single kiss before dragging their tongue over and around the muzzle pushing forward to make them gag on the barrel as you start unbuttoning your pants with your free hand feverishly (tags: Reader/Whoever Came To Mind, pitchfling, #rankworks, unmentioned quadrant, vaguequad, vaguecharms, gunplay, weaponplay, violence, #nsfw, #nsfwe just in case, rivals to emptied rivals, paintball, archive rating: M)
DO ONE WITH A CLOWN CLUB.
Your best work to date.
X Holy shit this goes insane x
rankmaid this goes insanely hard. i am insanely hard. #nsfw
Why is this tagged with paintball.
I KNOW WHEN I SEE THAT NOTIFCATION FROM RANKMAID, ITS ALWAYS A BANGER.
R4NKM4ID-SENP4I NEVER MISSES!!!!
Allow me a mere moment of vulnerability amongst this persistent cesspool of japes memery and lascivious tomfoolery but... the gratitude i feel towards this silly little application to allow me a glimpse of dear guardians departed!!! I cant express thanks enough!!
aw i hope their hornyposting doesnt ruin your image of em tho Imao :o)
Thank you dirk! Its hard to not feel a little impish at the thought of going against the comedic grain but its hard to deny my feelings on the matter!!
Their WHA- I... ... Sweet mary on a flipping cross i havent thought of that....
What are the odds that the day passes without the immediate friggin death drop into debauchery that seems nigh inevitable at this rate????
Perhaps we can last an hour without my underoos being dragged into exhibitionistic display?
G1RL H4V3 YOU S33N YOUR PFP
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you get five whole minutes sweet cheeks you know what the people want
pretty fucking good now that im here #modestdersite
th3 troll trojan war was fought for l3ss3r glob3s than i can s33 in ur fuckin pfp holy shit i could drown in thos3... #nsfw
Well then! Were certainly cooking with petrol now! Greetings and salutations everyone!
https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/depressed-man-sitting-shower-depression-getting-him-down-depressed-man-sitting-shower-242653830.jpg
are you okay
You poor lad! what could possibly have you so down in the dumps?
scrub all you want it wont wash away the sins
Surely nobody endeavors to see a grown gentleman haphazardly squeezed into an ill fitting cheerleading suit... ... ... ... ... Right?
You should poll the crowd through teaser pictures. I'm certain that'll provide the feedback you seek.
Wouldn't know, all my clothes fit me perfectly. Let The Lash know if you need a hand out though.
What happened to our dignity man come on.
Time and space paradox alike!!!! good golly!!! i perish at the thought however i believe visual examples are in order!!
Heavens to freakin betsy, show business sure isnt what i expected.
What have you done. <:|
Where is your shirt.
whats happenin hotcheeks i mean hotcheeks i mean hotcheeks i mean jake
#CastingCouchRegrets
UHH well you see its a tremendously long tale id hate to waste your time prattling on about but lets just say ive been *strongly advised* to keep it off for... "clout"?
I suppose ive relinquished the right to be called anything else at this point huh... :(
Off for my morning run until we head off to the gym! Perchance anyone is free and willing to join along? #fitness #gymgoals #nirvana #adventure #goodmorning
O-oh no! My finger slipped again! #nsfw https://wimg.rule34.xxx//samples/1405/sample_dd726510b18b6e8cf7f5892a00031acf.jpg?10764421
sorry i blocked you for a sec big dog dw i got better
nah man it was something totally unrelated don’t even think anything of it
oh shit i didnt think youd actually do it goddamn nice cheeks by the way
Thank you kindly! Honestly i didnt think i would either! Still deciding whether or not im proud of myself or whether ill be roiling in mortification for the whole rest of the night...
*dabs tear away with hankerchief* You always know what to say...
Egad its gotten quite salacious in the last handful of minutes... *fans self*
needs to get salaciouser go get in there tiger