YOUR NEW GOD
@undyingUmbrage
LORD OF TIME. DESTROYER OF YOU. I AM A BOY. MOST FAMOUS USER ON THIS SHITTY APP. I AM NOT SAFE FOR WORK PLACES. I AM DANGEROUS IN FACT. PRIVATE MESSAGES ARE OPEN TO ALL WHO DARE TO ENGAGE ME. #ALPHA
LOOKING FOR VOLUNTEERS TO GET BEAT UP. RULES: 1. YOU. CAN'T. LIKE IT. NO FREAKISH FETISHIZERS. ONLY GOOD OLD FASHIONED TORMENT. OK THOSE ARE THE RULES. I AM VERY BORED. #VIOLENCE
I like it but not in a #nsfw way just in a "wheeeeeeeeee" way
WITH YOU? NO. NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO. BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE WEAKSAUCE.
HORROR MOVIES? MORE LIKE. WHORE. OR MOVIES?! WHICH SHALL I CHOOSE? BECAUSE I HAVE PLENTY OF BOTH. TO CHOOSE FROM. #SUGGESTIVE #OWNED
THEY SAY NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED. THIS IS TRUE. BECAUSE I PUNISH IT. BY KICKING YOUR ASS!
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE MINIONS TAKE IT SLOW. WAIT FOR ALPHA TO SHOW YOU HOW TO GO. #LYRICPOSTING
YO DADDY. IS SOOO FAT.
WAT DADDY LOL ION GOT ONE BOZO #EPICFAIL #YOUREALOLCOW
ONLY THE GREATEST SUSTENANCE AND MEALS FOR THE LORD. THE ONE TRUE DADDY, AS A HYPOTHETICAL SOMEBODY WOULD CORRECTLY ASSESS.
NOT *ME* YOU SCREWBALL EYED... SORRY, I SHOULDN'T LOSE MY TEMPER WITH A BADASS LIKE YOU, JACK. I AM IMPLYING THAT THE READERS OWN PATHETIC PATERNAL PISS STAIN IS OBESE.
OK I WONT THANK YOU FOR SHOWING MERCY MY LORD I WILL DO BETTER NEXT TIME HAAHAA. HAH. SORRY.
YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO SEE. AND LIVE FOR. THAT SO MUCH IS ME FOR THE RECORD.
HEHEH. YES YES, STRONG AGREE, MY LORD. THANK YOU ONCE MORE FOR GRACING US ALL WITH YOUR PRESENCE.
HELLO, BITCHES. DADDY'S HOME.
YOU TOO. I THINK YOU WERE A FATHER FIGURE TO SOMEONE, ONCE, PROBABLY, SO IT IS APPLICABLE IN SOME ABSTRACT SENSE TO YOU.
EVERYONE KNOWS ME. I'M THE MOST IMPORTANT GUY. EVER. THE MOST SOUGHT AFTER MALE. EVER. A GOD, AN ANGEL, A CERTIFIED FUCKING *ARTIST*. THIS ISN'T NEWS TO ME.
IT IS FUNNY. THAT EVEN WHEN MY PRESENCE IS LIMITED BY THE EXTENT OF MY RETROCAUSALITY. I AM STILL FEARED. THE AMPWHORA OF BEFWHORUS (DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) WAS SHAKING IN HIS SKINNY JEANS, TERRIFIED OF MY ARRIVAL. MY ALPHA ADVICE FOR THE DAY IS: TERRIFY CRONUS AMPORA IN WAYS THAT DEFINE HIS ENTIRE EXISTENCE. #ALPHAADVICE
a broken clock is right twice a day or something
I DID QUITE LITERALLY BREAK THE ONLY CLOCK THAT HAS EVER MATTERED. MEANING I AM RIGHT. ALWAYS.
I HAVE RETURNED FROM A BREAK IN MY APPEARANCE. LUCKILY FOR YOU, DESPITE APPEARANCES, I WAS STILL HERE, RETROACTIVELY.
MOST DO NOT COMPREHEND, OR EVEN SEE. THE FACT. THAT MANY UNBIASED SOURCES, SUCH AS YOU. WELCOME ME INTO THEIR MEANINGLESS EXISTENCES WITH GLEE. INSTEAD OF WHINING AND SHITTING THEMSELVES LIKE MOST. THIS IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FUCKING *BRAIN*, JACK. I THINK. UNDER THAT SHELL OF YOURS.
NO ONE. NO ONE IS AS KNOWLEDGEABLE. LEARNED. FUCKING ARCHEOLOGICAL ABOUT THE WORKS OF MAN GAKAS ACROSS THE UNIVERSE AS ME. MY EXPERTISE IN GIRLY BOYS TENDER EMBRACES IS UNMATCHED. HOWEVER I GIVE MY RESPECT. TO @CLOISTEREDCONNOISEWER#3938 FOR BEING SECOND BEST. GOOD JOB.
that's fr super high praise thnx fr uu
V SIGN UP FOR YOUR LORDS BOY HAREM BELOW V REQUIREMENTS: MUST BE A BETA BISHOUNEN BEAUTY. AKA. FEMALE ENOUGH. AND MUST BE CAPABLE OF SENTIMENTAL CONVERSATION. REMINDER: THIS IS A FUCKING ***POWER*** PLAY, OF RAW, DOMINEERING, MACHO FUCKING POWER, AND IS *****NOT***** GAY. #NSFW #ALPHAADVICE
i pOsTeD As a fUcKiNg jOkE To mAkE YoU FuCkIn uNcOmFoRtAbLe?! i gUeSs a mOtHeRfUcKeR LiKe pReTtY EnOuGh fOr tHe aNgEl's hArEm. CoOl ... aLrIgHt.
I TOO WAS JUST. JOKING. TO REVERSE UNCOMFORTABLE-IFY YOU. OBVIOUSLY. BASIC PSYCHOLOGY.
mMm sEe i kNoW I WaS JoKiNg bUt lIkE YoU AcTuAlLy pOsTeD ThE FuCkInG ChIt fOr mE To jOkE On nOt lIkE KnOwInG I'D JoKe. DoN'T KnOw iF YoU WaS FuCkInG JoKiNg fR Fr
you know they have paid hotlines to call forw that type of stuff rwight you can just go and look thrwough the phonebook orw the back page of ads on a newspaperw and find someone willing to take pity on you forw the rwight prwice
wHaT???? LiKe nO??? fUcKiNg wHaT? iMmA ShUt tHe fUcK Up aNd hEaD OuT.
NEVER FORGET THAT THE ALPHA IS OWED HIS BETA BOY. THE YAOI GOD DECREES IT. #ALPHAADVICE #NSFW
IT'S ONLY OK IF ONE OR BOTH OF THEM LOOK LIKE GIRLS THOUGH.
Y⚣ur;re actualyl s⚣ right every alphad esrves a beta! ;) #substance
THIS. YES. THIS. IS WHAT A FUCKING *GOD* LOOKS LIKE. BUILT. HUNKY. ALPHA. STRAIGHT OUT OF A WIDE, WET EYED ANIME BITCHES DRYEST DREAMS. ARE YOU JEALOUS? ARE YOU IN AWE? DO YOU WANT TO TOUCH MY PECS? OF COURSE YOU DO. NO, GAMZEE DID NOT TAKE THIS PICTURE. IT IS A CANDID SHOT OF ME TAKEN BY AN ANONYMOUS FEMALE WHO HAD THE TOTAL HOTS FOR ME WHO I PROMPTLY KILLED. #TRUTH #SUGGESTIVE HTTPS://FILE.GARDEN/AHPD-PRDQGEUHZ27/HIIVEP8WYAA6SP5-3.JPG
I wasn't even thinking ab⚣ut gamzee until y⚣u menti⚣ned him tbh. Y⚣u can't self exp⚣se like that and expect y⚣ur huge chest t⚣ distract pe⚣ple fr⚣m it
THIS RAGESTERBATION YOU'RE TRYING TO COOK UP WON'T WORK ON ME BECAUSE. I HAVE EYES.
woah! so impressive! a big (well, kind of short) beefy, alpha male of an M&M!
M&M'S ARE HARD, AND DELICIOUS, JUST LIKE YOU LIKE IT, BETA BOY. #NSFW
... yeah i can draw yaoi of this
TWINKS. MUST. DIE.
send them to me. ii'll make sure they're taken care of
Oh man whatd twinks do to you? Cant be posting this during pride month bro.
JAKE ENGLISH. I'M COMING FOR YOU.
thank you, thank you. i am pretty! but once you advance to yaoi 320 (advanced course btw) you see there's a thing called a a pretty top, once you master the tropes you can advert them. but if you're asking what i called you, i said you look like an ass-up version of kermit.
YOU ARE NO BISHOUNEN BABE, YOU ARE A BITCHSHOUJO WHO TAKES IT. IN. THE YAOI HOLE. PLUS. YOU ARE RACIST TOO. I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY. #NSFW #YOURERACIST
BEING. FUCKING. RACIST??? SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT, FUCKHOLE. YOU NEED TO GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BEG. I NEED YOU TO PULL OUT A FUCKING UKELELE AND RIGHT A GODDAMN APOLOGY SONG NOW.
sorry, i'll read this in a second. i have a notification. i wonder what it could be.... https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/40d28de3efda.png
NO. I MEAN YOU MUST *RIGHT* YOUR FUCKING *WRONGS* YOU MISERABLE CUR.
Right okay but "right an apology song" is still incorrect man. Anyhoo im not very musically inclined i think if anything itd make you even more upset with me haha.
IT'S CALLED A FUCKING DOUBLE ENTENDRE. WORD PLAY. ESOTERIC GENIUS.
ONLY THE STRONGEST GET YALDABAOTH. AND NONE OF YOU SIDE CHARACTERS GOT HIM. #LAUGHINGOUTLOUD
HAVE YOU. EVER CONSIDERED. THAT THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE YOUR COSMIC INSIGNIFICANCE WORTHWHILE. AT ALL. IS TO GET MY CROWBAR. INSIDE YOUR SKULL? #ALPHAADVICE #VIOLENCE #IMGONNAKILLYOU
YOU WISH YOU WERE ME.
I ALREADY AM.
I don't wish to be anyone other than myself, actually!
SEE. EVERYONE WANTS TO BE US.
JAKE ENGLISH DOESN'T CARE ABOUT GREEN PEOPLE.
THE SECOND I CALL OUT JAKE ENGLISH FOR BEING A PHONY THIS SITE GOES TO SHIT. OBVIOUSLY THIS IS BECAUSE HIM AND HIS MORONIC COMPANY HAVE SOME KIND OF STOCK IN THIS PLACE. IT'S A CONSPIRACY AGAINST ME. BECAUSE I'M GREEN. #JAKEISRACIST < GET IT TRENDING.
Can we not call me racist I don't hate cherubs I just hate you
DON'T MAKE ME PULL UP OUR OLD PESTERLOGS, YOU SHIT. I REMEMBER ALL THE ASSUMPTIONS YOU MADE ABOUT ME BACK WHEN I TRIED TO TURN YOU INTO A SUPERIOR FOE.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT GAY WAS YET. I SUPPORT THE HOMOSEXUAL ANIMES NOW, SO IT'S OKAY.
JAKE ENGLISH IS A FRAUD, A CUCKOLD, AND THE LAMEST BETA MALE IN EXISTENCE. THERE IS A REASON HE IS THE ALPHA MALES UKE.
Bold words from the snake boy who got his shit wrecked by John.
Okay well theres nothing inherently wrong with being an uke. Its pride month youve gotta get a little more open minded.
John was also a kid and you were a godtiered lord of time Don't make excuses for how awful you are.
assjfjfjk nmayb i meed to have a chat with this jakes emglishe