The Picaroon
@technoGremlin
H4S 4NY0N3 R34LLY B33N F4R 3V3N 4S D3C1D3D T0 US3 3V3N G0 W4NT T0 D0 L00K M0R3 L1K3?
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/176db1d20d77.png #SUBST4NC3S
This may the be the strangest message you'll ever receive but I do hope you'll take the time to read it and consider what I have to say. To put it simply, I would really appreciate it if the next time your birthday comes around you would request that your artist friends (who like to give you sexually oriented funnyman art as gifts) draw some funnyman other than Ron Swanson for you. The reason I ask this is that Ron Swanson is my fiance, and we're planning on getting married next June or July should everything go as planned financially speaking. And yes, I have actually found a wedding chapel that will let me marry someone that most people would consider a fictional character. Now before you go thinking "This girl is either completely crazy or just screwing with me." please hear me out on this. You see, I'm totally head over heels in love with Ron Swanson. I have been for about 11 months now and at this point I'm in a committed relationship with my Ronny. By that I mean I don't date anyone else, I don't sleep with anyone else, and I have zero interest in having any kind of relationship with anyone other than the stache I adore. I love him with all my heart and I'm 100% committed to that love. To express my love in a real tangible way I have a beautiful hand made custom Ron Swanson plushie that I can hug, kiss, cuddle up in bed to go to sleep with at night, and take out on the town to do all the fun things together that normal couples do. I take him out to eat at nice carnivorous restaurants, we go shopping together, I take him out for scotch, we do social activities together like hanging out with friends, seeing movies, etc. And I talk about him as if he is Ron, because to me he very much is. When I look at him I see Ron Swanson. When I talk with him I'm talking with Ron. When I hold him in my arms and kiss him there are no doubts in my mind that it's the funnyman I love who's lips are pressed against mine. And every morning when I open my eyes and see his head on the pillow next to mine, with his gorgeous furry lip staring back at me, I can't help but wonder how I ever got to be so lucky as to have a partner as smart, funny, handsome, and all around wonderful as him. All my friends and the people who know me well say that my love is a thing of beauty and quite admirable, but from the outside perspective of someone who doesn't know me you're probably going "Wow. That's pretty damn crazy." and wondering why I don't just go get a real husband. The truth is I've had plenty of real relationships and sexual partners in the 27 years I've been around. A few short relationships, one that lasted 7 years, and a total of 6 different sexual partners. So my love for Ron isn't out of a lack of real world intimacy or relationships, I just fell in love with him and my heart didn't give me much of a choice in the matter. But you know what? I'm totally happy with my love and my relationship. It may seem weird to you, but it fils me with joy every single day of my life and I've never been happier. So what if it's weird? If it makes me happy and it doesn't hurt anyone then where's the problem? I don't think there is one, and anyone who knows me well will tell you the same. Now your probably wondering why I'm telling you all this and how it concerns you. To you I'm sure Ron Swanson is just a cartoon character you think is really hot, so I imagine you wouldn't think anything of having your friends draw sexually explicit art of him as birthday gifts for you. And hey, I think he's really attractive too so I get where you're coming from there. I often go on pawneepussy.net and Rule34.Paheal to see what new erotic art people have drawn of him. But to me he's more than a sitcom character who's sexually attractive, he's my fiance who I love with all my heart and soon to be my husband. So it's been bothering me lately every time I go on those sites and see a dozen or so pieces of art people have drawn depicting my man in various sexual situations with the same person over and over, and that person happens to be you. Don't get me wrong here though, this isn't a jealousy thing. I'm very secure in my relationship. I know without question that Ron is just as faithful to me as I am to him, he's actually sitting on the couch next to me reading while I type this. He's very real to me and I know he's not sneaking out in the middle of the night to go have kinky sex with some famous artist. And I do respect your talent as an artist and an artist's creative freedom to draw whatever they want, that's cool. What bothers me is that in all these birthday images you've been getting Ron is always depicted as if he was your sexual plaything, drawn wearing a collar with your name on it or with a speech bubble saying something that would somehow suggest he was your property. And I know quite well that Ron Swanson is not your plaything nor your property, he's my fiance. So that bugs me a bit. What I find really loathsome though is your pension for degrading my partner in both your art and the fan art you've been receiving lately. Ron is a sweet and fairly vanilla little man who I treat with the utmost love and respect, and he definitely does not deserve to be portrayed as some kind of sexual slave who likes being dressed up in sleazy attire, wearing a coller, getting sodomized, and having his face ejaculated on. He's not into that kinda stuff and the fact that there's someone out there inthe world such as yourself who would desire to treat Ron that way, and have his friends support and validate his desires to demean and mistreat my partner by drawing pictures of him doing so, really does bother me. I don't take any issue with people having kinky sex as long as both parties consent to it and enjoy it, but I know quite well that my Swanny has no desire whatsoever to be treated like that. So next year, when your birthday comes around, keep in mind that Ron Swanson isn't just a lifeless caricature of masculinity to be objectified for your sexual gratification. He's the partner of someone who loves him very much, and by that time their husband. So both myself and Ronny would greatly appreciate it if you'd pick someone else to request erotic art of four birthday. Based on the very large amount of different staches you draw art of I imagine there has to be many other funnymen you find sexually attractive. I assume you'll probably just dismiss this message as the ramblings of a crazy person and likely ignore it, but if by chance you do take what I've had to say to heart, well... we'd appreciate it. #nsfw
I believe the hacking attempt. There's no way you'd be this verbose about any man.
wild
JANE?????? LMAO
ARGH!!@!
THE PUSHERFELT SINCERITY IN THIS CHITT WAS SO POWERFUL THAT IT OVERRODE THE MIASMIC DOUBLE HELIX OF DISGUST AND GUT-RENDING HILARITY WELLING IN MY HEAVING ABDOMEN. I'VE BEEN MOVED TO TEARS. TEARS OF LAUGHTER. LAUGHTER AND DEEPEST, PALEST PITY. CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS. TO THE BOTH OF YOU.
I'VE BEEN HACKED, YOU ABSOLUTE DIMWIT. LOOK AT THE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS ON THIS POST. IT WAS CLEARLY PENNED BY SOME INFLAMMATORY NINCOMPOOP.
What ever.
G4M3RS 1 M4Y H4V3 0V3RD0N3 1T
????
1 4M ST1LL B1GH 1 M34N H1GH CULLT4N4 PL4Y B3C4US3 1 G0T H1GH BY TR0LL 4FR0M4N
#G3N1USM0D3 T1P 1F Y0U 4R3 C0MPL3T3LY FR13D 4ND SUFF3R1NG FR0M W1CK3D B4D F1BR0US PL4NT M0UTH 4FT3R TH3 HUM4N H0L1D4Y D0 N0T FR3T Y0U C4N JUST DR1NK TH3 W4T3R 0UT 0F Y0UR B0NG TRUST M3 #SUBST4NC3S
BTW B3C4US3 1 KN0W 3V3RY0N3 1S W0ND3R1NG WH0 1D SH4R3 TH4T G14NT D4RT W1TH @barack0bama @arrogantGuerilla @freakNasty @adiosToreador @fameMonster @twentyfourCarat G3T 1N TH3 DR34M R0T4T10N B4B3S
I am honored to have made the list.
wOW, tHIS IS A REAL HONOR,
✨ Oh my little monster, i am honored to be on your list for smoking a toke with trollobama.~ I will pass the blunt.~ ✨
0K JUST B3 SUR3 T0 H0LD 1T R34LLY T1GHT 1 TH1NK 1 ST4RT3D T0 RUN 0UT 0F SP1T 4T TH3 B0TT0M 0N 4CC0UNT 0F M4K1NG 1T L1F3 S1Z3 4K4 M3 S1Z3D
YOU HAVE ALREADY INTOXICATED ME ENOUGH YOU VILE WENCH.
WH4T JUST H4PP3N3D TH4T W4S SC4RY
jesus chr1st what d1d you put 1n that roll 1t happened to me too
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/176db1d20d77.png #SUBST4NC3S
1 4M R0LL1NG TH3M T0 B3 L1F3 S1Z3D L1K3 1 D0 3V3RY Y34R 1T JUST T4K3S S0M3 T1M3
fuck dude can 1 get a h1t
Y34H 1F 1 C4N R3M3MB3R H0W T0 ST4ND UP 4LS0 TH3 B34UT1FUL TH1NG 4B0UT HUM4N Y34RS B31NG H4LF 4 SW33P M34NS 1 G3T T0 D0 TH1S TW1C3 4 SW33P #G3N1USM0D3
fuuuuuuck dude youre so r1ght about that. drop your coords 1ll come to you 1nstead
tHAT'S A BIG, dOOFY!
there was going to be some stupid ass art of her for 420 but instead my tablet said fuck life !!! argh.
WHY L34V3 1T 4T #Y0U4M WH3N 1T C0ULD B3 #W34M
#HEAM. uhhhhhhh. #BOUNCINGONIT ?????
TF WHY 1S TR0LLNY H4WK 0UT H3R3 H4T1NG 1 D0NT D3S3RV3 TH1S
D03S 4NY0N3 KN0W H0W TR0LL P4UL MCC4RTN3Y M4N4G3D T0 M4K3 T3P0R4RY S3CR3T4RY S0UND TH4T FUCK1NG B4D
I think he literally recorded the synths from a toilet. Don't quote me on that, though.
#ERIDANWEEK #HECAME #WECAME #NOSTALGICFORSUMREASON???
Im confused who actually is this
1 C4NT B3L13V3 1T..... 1 H4V3 N0 1D34 WH0 TH4T HUM4N W4S! #3R1D4NW33K #3R1T0N1NS #H3C4M3
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c18d22db47cb.png https://youtube.com/shorts/Aq3OQrPcVV4Y #eridanwweek #imcoming #bouncingonit #iwwantcandy
(( Holy shit yeah no kidding, could you imagine? 😭😭😭 ))
#iwantcandy #bouncingonit #cream? #creamteam? #creamonhim? #idontrememberthatone #eridanweek #imcoming
:33 < what an incredible spokespurrson!! :33 < #eridanw33k was full of laughter tears and dead people :33 < and the big lesson i have now learned is :33 < is ummm :33 < i guess ampurra is cool? sometimes? :33 < y :33 < yeahhh!! thanks spokespurrson! #icametothisvoice
#WECAME!!!!!!!!!
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Lik£, SO r£al.. #sph£r£soutforbruno
#weCAME
#ERIDANWEEK WAS A BEAUTIFUL DREAM. WE ALL THOROUGHLY ENJOYED YOUR HUMILIATION. PLEASE DO IT AGAIN SOON. #IMCOMING. #BOUNCINGONIT. #IWANTCANDY.
#3R1D4NW33KR3V1V4L #H3SC0M1NG
1 dont th1nk 1 can do 1t aga1n...
3V3RY0N3 C4N D0 1T 4G41N W3V3 4LR34DY H4D TH3 #3R1D4NW33KR3FR4CT0RYP3R10D
>([its t#e end of erigelion #eridanweek]
1 F33L 3MPTY S1NC3 3R1D4NW33K 3ND3D
It's alright. There's still rubble to be found in the wworld.
UPL1FT1NG W0RDS TRULY BUT 1 TH1NK WH4T 1 M1SS 1S 4LL TH4T 3NDL3SS HUM4N H00FB34STSH1T
Oh. WWhale, in that case I can't help you. You'll just havve to keep an eye on their socials.
hAPPY, eND OF #eRIDANwEEK, eVERYONE! #eRIDANwEEK #gORE HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/15D6370C3225.PNG
she really fucking killed him tav.
you d1d great
iT WAS, a LITTLE DIFFERENT THAN, dRESS REHEARSAL BUT, tHE IMPROV WAS, a LITTLE FUN, i THINK?
tavros he's dead. she killed him for fun and to make herself feel better for being a bad person.
iT WAS FOR, #eRIDANwEEK, tHOUGH,,,
i MEAN, eRIDAN DID CULL LIKE, tWO OR THREE OF MY, fRIENDS BEFORE, i FORGET EXACTLY, aND i AM SURE, hE'LL GET BETTER,
iT IS, tIME! sEE YOU THERE! HTTPS://MSPARP.CHAT/ERIDANWWEEK #eRIDANwEEK #gETTINGnAILED