KARKAT VANTAS, THE CHALKBOX
@carbolicGalvanologist
IF YOU USE MY TITLE WHEN I'M NOT ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN A WORK-RELEVANT CAPACITY, PREPARE TO RECEIVE MY FIERY, FLAMING MIDDLE PRONGSTUB BEAM. FROM ORBIT. EMPLOYED FULL-TIME BY THE FELT. ♦️🔒.♣️🔒.♠️🔒
RIGHT. *THOSE* GOD POWERS. I MUST HAVE MISPLACED THEM. TEMPORARILY. AS A RESULT. I'M BASICALLY MADE OF GLASS. UNARMED. DEFANGED. EXTREMELY WEAK AND KILLABLE. WITH THE FAWNING BAABEAST EYES. OF A HELPLESS PREY ANIMAL. ANYWAY. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW. DO YOU WANT TO COME OVER. @0u0@
IF I WASN'T SO BUSY WITH THE WORK TASKS THAT *YOU*, I MIGHT ADD, OH SO GENEROUSLY BESTOWED UPON ME AS MY """"""SUPERVISOR""""", I WOULD COME OVER THERE AND ASH A FUCKING CIGARETTE INTO YOUR MOUTH JUST FOR BOTHERING ME WITH THIS EYE-TWITCHING PLEA FOR ATTENTION. AND THAT'S IF I DON'T SKEWER THIS MOP UP YOUR CHUTE FOR IT, FIRST. I'LL SEE.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣾⡿⠿⠿⢿⣷⣶⣦⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣿⠟⠋⠉⠀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⡉⠙⠻⣿⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⡿⠋⢀⡄⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⠙⢿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣴⣿⠋⢀⣴⣿⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠙⣿⣦⠀⠀ Whips, chains, restraint, and consent! ⠀⣼⡿⠁⣰⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠈⢿⣧⠀ ⢰⣿⠃⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⡄⠘⣿⡆ Junior respects the craft of BDSM, and now ⣾⡿⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠙⠿⣿⡿⠋⠁⢀⣤⣤⣶⣦⣤⣀⠀⠙⢷⠀⢿⣷ you can boast your risk-aware community pride! ⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⢼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠈⠀⢸⣿ ⢿⣷⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⣾⡿ Stay hydrated, and get your badge today. ⠸⣿⡄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⠃⢠⣿⠇ ⠀⢻⣷⡀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⢀⣾⡟⠀ Or don't; Junior is just informing you!! ⠀⠀⠻⣿⣄⠈⠛⠿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠋⠁⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣠⣿⠟⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣷⣄⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⣠⣾⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⣿⣦⣄⣈⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⣁⣠⣴⣿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠻⠿⢿⣷⣶⣶⣾⡿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
SEEMS IRRELEVANT, UNINTERESTING, AND STUPID. I'M PURPOSEFULLY IGNORING THIS BADGE.
xx_hai_guys_letz_talk_aboutb_video_gaem_chchow_liekz_pokemon_x)_ESP_da_older_gamez_xx
THE NUMBER OF IRREVOCABLE HOURS I HAVE PISSED DOWN THE FUCKING DRAIN PLAYING MOTHERFUCKING TERRARIA. SGRUB NEVER STOOD A CHANCE. MY LAND WAS JUST *BEGGING* TO HAVE A FUCKING HELLEVATOR IN IT.
xx_hey_xx
WHAT A HORRIBLE FUCKING DAY TO HAVE GANDERBULBS. WHAT AN EVEN MORE HORRIBLE DAY TO BE EVIDET OZATAP, CEO OF OZA-TAP. PROUD BIOLOGICAL MOTHERFATHERGRUB OF A PENISGNOMELING. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT TODAY.
Wh★tever, go my dr★wing.
IT'S LIKE I DON'T NEED TO SAY A FUCKING THING. YOU'RE JUST ALWAYS ON IT. KUDOS.
On behalf of @carbolicGalvanologist , I invite you all to join us tonight/tolight in our first #abcc showing of "The Princess Bride", the classic fantasy love story, and one of the first that manages to break the fourth wall. Also one of the most memed movies in history. Make sure you reach out to Karkat to reserve your spot, and best hurry, because there's only about 12 of them in the room, and they go like freshly baked bread. The screening will begin at 7 pm PST, which is to say, about three hours from now. In the words of the man himself, #getin
FORTY-EIGHT MINUTES TO GO TIME. #GETIN THERE WITH THOSE RSVPS, ASSHOLES. ROSE HERE HAS MY EXPLICIT ENDORSEMENT, IN CASE THAT WASN'T ALREADY OBVIOUS.
WE'RE AT CAPACITY, EVERYONE. RESERVE YOUR SEATS FOR FRIDAY OR FOREVER FUCK OFF.
DON'T LOOK AT ME 𓂃۶ৎ [ #TheFeltOpening pamphlet, take a read! https://file.garden/ZaNs35zqMBk7KeGf/thefeltopening2.png ]
C★n I throw pe★nuts ★t the employees or is th★t out of the picture?
DON'T LOOK AT ME 𓂃۶ৎ [ A few of them will probably maul you ]
So it's ★n "★t your own risk" sort of situ★tion?
YOU THROW A PEANUT AT ME AND MAKE *ME* CLEAN IT UP, AND WE'RE GOING TO SEE IF THE BROOM TRULY IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD.
Wh★t if I throw ★ pe★nut ★t you ★nd cle★n it up myself?
IF WE'RE IN AGREEMENT THAT THE PEANUTS ARE A "CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF" AMMO SOURCE, THEN WE'RE GOING TO SPEND THE ENTIRE EVENING REENACTING THE ENTIRE FUCKING MATRIX TRILOGY BUT WITH PEANUTS INSTEAD OF BULLETS. IF YOU WANT DEX BUILD ON DEX BUILD ACTION, YOU BETTER BRING IT THE FUCK ON, PROTAH.
So long ★s you ★ren't ★ sore loser V★nt★s.
。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。 ♫
OH, I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU LIKE THIS. SIGH. CYPHEL. LOOK. YOU MAY BE THE MOST ANNOYING BUGWINGED BLOODSUCKER EVER TO BUZZ RIGHT INTO MY AURICULAR CLOT LIKE A GUIDED MISSILE STRAIGHT TO MY FUCKING IRE GLAND, BUT DESPITE BEING SOME KIND OF EAST ALTERNIABOO TROGLODYTE, YOU'RE ALSO A GODDAMNED PERSON. AND THERE IS NO PERSON IN ANY WORLD IN *ANY* TIMELINE WHO SHOULD THROW AWAY THEIR SHOT WHEN YOU WANT SOMEONE WHO IS YOUR "HELL YES." IF SHE'S A "HELL YES," THEN WORK AT IT. DON'T GO HURLING ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS OUT AT ONCE. BUT GO AFTER HER. YOU CAN'T BE *THAT* DISGUSTING A PROSPECT AS A QUADMATE TO WHOEVER THIS IS. I MEAN. I'LL ADMIT IT. THERE ARE SOME TIMES WHEN I THINK I'VE BEEN SURREPTITIOUSLY LOBOTOMIZED. BECAUSE IN THOSE LACUNAE OF FUCKADDLED DELIRIUM, I THINK YOU'RE AN ITTY. BITTY. TEENY. TINY. CRUMB OF A FUCKING *NANOANGSTROM.* BIT FUNNY. AND THAT HAS TO COUNT FOR SOMETHING. SO, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. GET IN THERE. GET IN THEIR FUCKING DMS. FUCK YEAH. HELL FUCKING YEAH.
((╬◣﹏◢)) THIS IS THE MOST BACKHANDED FUCKING PEP-TALK I'VE EVER SEEN, VANTAS-SAN AND I'M STRONGLY CONSIDERING DROPPING THE RESPECT FROM YOUR NAME AND JUST FINDING YOUR LOCATION AND RIPPING YOUR CELL MARACA OUT OF YOUR SIDE! (҂`з´) But... (╥﹏╥) I do get what you're saying... (╥﹏╥) But what if she doesn't want me that way?! I've never asked someone out before! I've never been rejected... (ಥ﹏ಥ) I'm just a pure maiden!!! What if my delicate blood pusher can't take it?! ♫
GOD, YOU MAKE ME SO FUCKING MAD. I HATE THIS. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THAT YOU'RE MAKING ME DO THIS. BUT I CAN'T BACK DOWN ABOUT THIS *SPECIFIC* FUCKING THING, SO COUNT YOURSELF SO, *SO* LUCKY THAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY. HERE'S A PIECE OF ADVICE FROM A KNIGHT. "TO STRIKE WITH YOUR SICKLE, YOU MUST FIRST LOWER YOUR SHIELD." THAT'S THE DIGNITY OF RISK, CYPHEL. DON'T DIE ALONE LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. IF YOU'RE GOING TO DIE ALONE, THEN DO IT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING CHAMPION WHO WENT OUT SWINGING. OR DON'T DIE AT ALL. AND WIN.
( ╥ω╥ ) Ughhhh I hate that you talk like such a loser but you're right... ( ╥ω╥ ) You should say more things that suck so I can ignore you instead of being forced to take your advice on principal!!! (￢ ￢) Like, whatever...I'll take your advice. (￢ ￢) ...Probably. (￢ ￢) You should DEFINITELY consider yourself PRIVILEGED that I've allowed even THIS much, though. ♫
YEAH, YEAH. I'M FAINTING WITH FUCKING ADULATION. GET ON WITH IT, SHIT-FOR-SPONGE. GO SPARK A ZESTY ONLINE ROMANCE, OR SOMETHING.
(≖ ͜ʖ≖) Heh, for what it's worth, I already have something in the works for a different quadrant ♫ (≖ ͜ʖ≖) I just need to work up the courage for this OTHER one. ♫ (≖ ͜ʖ≖) I'm so much cooler than you in every respect, its ridiculous! ♫ (*°▽°*) KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ♫
FUCK YOU. THE MOMENT IS OVER. I'M BLASTING YOU WITH MY HATRED BEAM, NOW.
࣪⊹₊˚{ { POTENTSHOAL HICAPOINTS PRIZES - DRAFT 1/???? } }˚₊⊹ ࣪ keychain with hicaris adorsalble face on it - 400 HICAPOINTS temperature activated #mugcari - 600 HICAPOINTS butlers unifourm {to serve hicari in} - 2,000 HICAPOINTS coupon to brush hicaris hair - 12,000 HICAPOINTS a little vial, of my blood - ⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡ HICAPOINTS coupon to receive 1 platonic PAP from hicari - 16,000 HICAPOINTS ࣪⊹₊˚{ soooo what do we think of the menu so far? do we like it? }9u9ʃƪ{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
DO YOU HAVE LITERALLY ANY IDEA WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO.
࣪⊹₊˚{ FUCK ME!!!! I DROPPED MY < }˚₊⊹ ࣪
PRETTY GUTSY FUMBLE THERE. KIND OF A SEVERELY EXCRUCIATING AURA LOSS, ACTUALLY. I MIGHT BE CONVINCED TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY AND FORGET IT EVER HAPPENED. YOU KNOW, FOR AN OFF-THE-BOOKS BOATLOAD OF HICAPOINTS. WHO KNOWS, MAYBE I JUST FEEL LIKE WEARING A BUTLER'S UNIFORM, FOR THE BIT. JUST TO FUCK WITH YOU.
࣪⊹₊˚{ NOT THAT I KNOW WHAT YOUR PAP EELS LIKE!!!! }˚₊⊹ ࣪
࣪⊹₊˚{ UUUUGH FOURGET IT ALLLL }>A\{ #krillingmyself #SEARIOUSLYIMEANIT }˚₊⊹ ࣪
࣪⊹₊˚{ }>ᯅ>{ dont say i lost aura!!!! you dont reely think that!!!! }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ }<n<{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ how many digies of hicapoints are we talking aboat here }˚₊⊹ ࣪
STAY THY PRONG, YOU RIDICULOUS, SIMPERING DRAMA EMPRESS.
DEPENDS ON HOW MANY DIGIES YOUR DIGNITY IS WORTH TO YOU. OR HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO SEE ME BRUSHING YOUR HAIR IN A BUTLER'S UNIFORM WITH A VIAL OF YOUR BLOOD ON A STRING AROUND MY NECK.
࣪⊹₊˚{ + ⟡,⟡⟡⟡,⟡⟡⟡ HICAPOINTS }˚₊⊹ ࣪
<3<.