KARKAT VANTAS, THE CHALKBOX
@carbolicGalvanologist
AT THE BEHEST OF EVERY BAWLING, WHINING, HEAR DUCT-GRATING, SPONGE-AGGRIEVING, NIGH-INSUFFERABLE SACK OF STEAMING-HOT GUTWASTE TO BEG ME TO DO THIS, HERE I AM. EMPLOYED FULL-TIME BY THE FELT.
"JUST ONE MORE TEAR TO CRY ONE TEARDROP FROM MY EYE YOU BETTER SAVE IT FOR THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN THINGS AREN'T BLACK AND WHITE" https://open.spotify.com/track/3qhlB30KknSejmIvZZLjOD?si=7db3ae73530a4b6d #Lyricposting
IN LIEU OF A BETTER LIFE-UPDATE CHITT, ESPECIALLY GIVEN THAT MY "LIFE" IS A LOOPING TORMENT NEXUS OF CLOGGED LOAD GAPERS AND MILDEW-ENCRUSTED TILES, I'LL JUST SAY THIS. I STILL HAVEN'T CUT MY HAIR, YET. THERE. ALL YOU SICK, OPINIONATED FUCKS WHO WANT ME TO KEEP IT DON'T HAVE TO MOURN ANYTHING, YET. I'LL SEE HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT IN A FEW WIPES.
MOVIE NIGHTS ARE GOING TO STICK AROUND. I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT MUCH. NO SWEATY GREEN ASSHOLE IS GOING TO WRENCH THAT STAPLE OUT OF MY CLAWS.
NO ONE CAN STOP THE POWER OF WATCHING HER WITH A GROUP OF FREAKS #affectionate
REMIND ME THAT WHEN IT COMES TIME FOR ME TO START ANNIHILATING PEOPLE WITH TIME POWERS LIKE A PROPER EVIL ASSHOLE AT THE EVIL ASSHOLE SYNDICATE, I'M GOING TO START WITH YOU. AWAIT MY SHITHIVE LEADER-RAGE BEAM ATTACK.
okay what the fuck ii2 up wiith karkat2 and long haiir on thii2 app ii2 iit becau2e the only way youre able two 2tart lookiing le22 liike an angry hedgebea2t ii2 after you 2tart beiing completely diivorced from the alpha tiimeliine
iif you compare every a2pect of your2elf two another a2pect of your2elf iit would look fiine karkat that2 why you gotta mea2ure the re2t of realiity two get a clue about where youre 2tandiing
OKAY. LET'S GET ONE THING *ABUNDANTLY* FUCKING CLEAR. IS THIS STRONG, BILE-FILLED CASE YOU'RE MAKING IN *OPPOSITION* TO THE IDEA OF ME WITH LONG HAIR, OR IN APPROVAL? BECAUSE I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE JUST SAYING I LOOK LIKE SHIT NO MATTER WHAT, AND WHETHER TO START SENDING YOU HIGH-RESOLUTION .PNGS OF MY MIDDLE FINGERS.
were all u2ed two you not under2tandiing 2hiit KK iit2 okay what iim ba2iically tryiing two 2ay ii2 you do look better wiith the long haiir iin tn that you upgraded from hedgebea2t two fruiitrabiiemunebea2t iim ju2t al2o 2ayiing that iif you iincrea2e the 2ample 2iize of troll2 beyond your2elf youll 2ee how not fiine you are and iit only get2 exponentiial after the fiir2t troll not endiing iin Vanta2
hahaha okay. i can't wait! is this big crazy beam of yours gonna make ME bald? i don't know if i could rock the chrome dome look.
WE'RE LITERALLY AT NEAR-CAPACITY. THE FIRST ONE THROUGH THE DOOR GETS THE GOLDEN FUCKING HONKBEAST. EVERYONE AFTER THAT CAN FIGHT AND KILL EACH OTHER FOR THE WAITLIST. BUT SERIOUSLY, DON'T WORRY. I PLAN ON SHOWING THIS ONE AGAIN NO MATTER WHAT. PROBABLY AT A LATER TIMELINEZONE, ANYWAY. YOU KNOW, FOR ANYONE IN BILIOUS STANDARD TIME OR SIMILAR. MR. NOBODY, ASSHOLES. THE FLAGSHIP PRIDE OF MY CURATED COLLECTION. #GETIN. #ABCC #WATCHPARTY #MRNOBODY
CAPACITY REACHED. THE NEXT SHOWING WILL BE HELD AT "WHEN I FUCKING SAY SO" O' CLOCK. SHARP.
THIS WILL BE THE FINAL ADVERTISEMENT. THE FINAL. FUCKING. ADVERTISEMENT. UNTIL I START ACTUALLY SENDING OUT THE LINK. TONIGHT AT THE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY CINEMASSACRE CLUB, WE WILL BE WATCHING MY FAVORITE FILM. MY FAVORITE. FUCKING. FILM. THE 2009 SPONGE-BENDING PANFUCK ROMANCE OF ALL TIME, MR. NOBODY. I'M GOING TO GIVE A BIT OF A WARNING WITH THIS ONE. IT'S DENSE. IT'S SERIOUS. RATED R MOSTLY FOR SEXUAL CONTENT AND SOME EMOTIONALLY ABDOMINAL SAUSAGE-RENDING SCENES, BUT THE REAL THING YOU NEED TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT IS THAT IT'S A HUMAN FRENCH FILM. IN ENGLISH, BUT IT STILL READS LIKE A HUMAN FRENCH FILM. SO BE WARNED. THIS SHIT GETS WEIRD. TENTATIVE START TIME IS AT 5 PM PST [PLACIDIC STANDARD TIME] *TODAY.* SOME OF YOU HAVE ALREADY RSVP'ED LIKE A RESPONSIBLE PACK OF FUCKWITS, SO YOU'LL BE RECEIVING PRIORITY INVITATIONS. AFTER THAT, THE LINK GOES OUT TO THE PUBLIC. MY HUNDRED-SWEEP NAP IS OVER. AND STOP ASKING ME WHETHER OR NOT I'VE CUT MY HAIR, YET. #ABCC #WATCHPARTY #MRNOBODY
I ★m ★bout 50/50 on if I'll be ★ble to m★ke it, but I ★m honored to h★ve received ★n invite. ★lso welcome b★ck from the edo period.
I THINK I'VE SUCCESSFULLY WRUNG THE "DE ARINSUS" OUT OF MY SYSTEM TO THE POINT WHERE THEY'RE NO LONGER INVOLUNTARY. I'M CONSIDERING THIS AN IMPROVEMENT. YOU'LL RECEIVE A PRIORITY INVITE, REGARDLESS. ONE, BECAUSE I'M NEVER GOING TO TURN AWAY A CINEPHILE WITH THE GOOD FUCKING SENSE TO BROADEN THEIR TASTE IN *MY* SPHERE OF INFLUENCE, AND TWO, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN IN AN ONGOING BET WITH A CERTAIN ROYALBLOODED EAST ALTERNIAN MIKKADDO THAT THE BRUSH *IS,* IN FACT, MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD, AND I THINK THAT THE SHITHIVE BANANAS GODLIKE WRITING OF THIS MOVIE COUNTS ABOUT AS MUCH AS MY DERIVATIVE ROMANTIC POETRY EVER DID. AND YOU'RE THE FUCKING SWORD TROLL. SO YOU CAN WEIGH IN ON WHAT INSTRUMENT IS BETTER AT EXCORIATING A PUSHER WHEN YOU'VE SEEN IT.
wait the movie wasnt yesterday??? I THOUGHT IT WAS YESTERDAY THAT MEANS I CAN BE #inthere !!!!! yippie (|:)
I WILL *LITERALLY* RUN THIS MOVIE A SECOND TIME IF WE HIT CAPACITY. I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK. YOU'RE WATCHING THIS ONE WITH ME IF I HAVE TO WATCH YOUR EAST ALTERNIAN ALTSELF SHOOT ME A *HUNDRED* FUCKING TIMES TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.
The french part is the most prevalent warning you need to provide.
I KEEP MISSING THESE. I GUESS OUR TIMELINES JUST CAN’T EVER DECIDE TO LINE UP. I’LL HAVE TO JUST DO MY OWN RESEARCH THEN AND CATCH UP.
IF YOU SEE THIS POST MULTIPLE TIMES, NO, IT IS NOT ANOTHER FUCKING TIME RECURSION. BUT I *AM* CHITTING THIS FROM INSIDE OF MAIDJAIL. WHICH I HAVE RE-ENTERED. VOLUNTARILY. BECAUSE I NEED A FUCKING NAP, AND I DON'T WANT ANY FORCE IN THIS OR ANY UNIVERSE TO GET IN THE WAY OF THAT, RIGHT NOW. I AM CALLING THE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY CINEMASSACRE CLUB TO ACTION. YES. RIGHT AFTER COMING BACK FROM TROLL EDO. I NEED THIS. LET ME HAVE THIS. WE WILL BE WATCHING MY FAVORITE FILM. MY FAVORITE. FUCKING. FILM. THE 2009 SPONGE-BENDING PANFUCK ROMANCE OF ALL TIME, MR. NOBODY. I'M GOING TO GIVE A BIT OF A WARNING WITH THIS ONE. IT'S DENSE. IT'S SERIOUS. RATED R MOSTLY FOR SEXUAL CONTENT AND SOME EMOTIONALLY ABDOMINAL SAUSAGE-RENDING SCENES, BUT THE REAL THING YOU NEED TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT IS THAT IT'S A HUMAN FRENCH FILM. IN ENGLISH, BUT IT STILL READS LIKE A HUMAN FRENCH FILM. SO BE WARNED. THIS SHIT GETS WEIRD. TENTATIVE START TIME IS AT 5 PM PST [PLACIDIC STANDARD TIME] ON SUNDAY, 5/31. I'LL SET THIS CHITT TO LOOP A FEW TIMES IN THE NEXT BILUNAR PERIGEE OR TWO SO THAT IT GETS SEEN, AND I'LL SEND THE LINK OUT WHEN IT'S TIME. RSVP, IF YOU GIVE A SHIT. STILL TAKING A HUNDRED-SWEEP NAP. #ABCC #WATCHPARTY #MRNOBODY
IF YOU SEE THIS POST MULTIPLE TIMES, NO, IT IS NOT ANOTHER FUCKING TIME RECURSION. BUT I *AM* CHITTING THIS FROM INSIDE OF MAIDJAIL. WHICH I HAVE RE-ENTERED. VOLUNTARILY. BECAUSE I NEED A FUCKING NAP, AND I DON'T WANT ANY FORCE IN THIS OR ANY UNIVERSE TO GET IN THE WAY OF THAT, RIGHT NOW. I AM CALLING THE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY CINEMASSACRE CLUB TO ACTION. YES. RIGHT AFTER COMING BACK FROM TROLL EDO. I NEED THIS. LET ME HAVE THIS. WE WILL BE WATCHING MY FAVORITE FILM. MY FAVORITE. FUCKING. FILM. THE 2009 SPONGE-BENDING PANFUCK ROMANCE OF ALL TIME, MR. NOBODY. I'M GOING TO GIVE A BIT OF A WARNING WITH THIS ONE. IT'S DENSE. IT'S SERIOUS. RATED R MOSTLY FOR SEXUAL CONTENT AND SOME EMOTIONALLY ABDOMINAL SAUSAGE-RENDING SCENES, BUT THE REAL THING YOU NEED TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT IS THAT IT'S A HUMAN FRENCH FILM. IN ENGLISH, BUT IT STILL READS LIKE A HUMAN FRENCH FILM. SO BE WARNED. THIS SHIT GETS WEIRD. TENTATIVE START TIME IS AT 5 PM PST [PLACIDIC STANDARD TIME] ON SUNDAY, 5/31. I'LL SET THIS CHITT TO LOOP A FEW TIMES IN THE NEXT BILUNAR PERIGEE OR TWO SO THAT IT GETS SEEN, AND I'LL SEND THE LINK OUT WHEN IT'S TIME. RSVP, IF YOU GIVE A SHIT. TIME TO TAKE A HUNDRED-SWEEP NAP. #ABCC #WATCHPARTY #MRNOBODY
pretty sure ill be stuck with work duties at that time so I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY THE MOVIE (|:D
1'M TOT4LLY COM1NG FOR TH1S!
will try 2 join if i can that shit was a wild ride 2 read
HOLY FUCK. HOLY FUCKING FUCK, THAT WORKED. I'M BACK. WHAT THE FEUDAL FUCK IS THAT MALIGNANT MASS OF TEXT UPLOADED FROM MY CHITTR PROFILE.
:33< hey oh my gods :33< are mew alright??? X00< i swear im not active at the right meowment and everything happens!
SHUT THE FUCK UP. I DIDN'T AGE A FUCKING *DAY* DURING THAT ENTIRE ORDEAL. I KNOW, BECAUSE I SPENT THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME AFTER I GOT BOOTED FROM THE THEATER EXPECTING MY MOLT TO HAPPEN, AND IT NEVER DID. I'M ALMOST POSITIVE THAT MY CURRENT LABOR CONTRACT RENDERS ME EFFECTIVELY TIMELESS. AND FOR THE RECORD, THAT'S NOT EVEN *COUNTING* HOW LONG I WAS AWAKE AND AWARE WHILE I WAS IN FUCKING MAIDJAIL. INCONSOLABLE WEEPING BROODMOTHER. THE MOTHERGRUB OF ALL TORMENT NEXI.
hUH,,, yEAH, tHAT SOUNDS LIKE IT SUCKS, tHOUGH i GUESS YOU KNOW SHIBARI NOW? aND A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF, tHAT IS PROBABLY A GOOD RESUME FILLER FOR, wHEN YOU GET OUT OF THERE AND NEED TO APPLY, tO A NEW PLACE OF WORK,
OH. OH GOD. THAT. IS WAY TOO MUCH PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE. PLASTERED ALL OVER MY CHITTR PROFILE. I THINK I'M GOING TO THROW UP.
HELLO, SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON FROM MY PLANET OF ORIGIN WHO I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT FOR A HOT FUCKING MINUTE. I'M A LITTLE TOO FRIED UPSIDE THE SPONGE TO DEVOTE THE NECESSARY PAN-POWER TO PROCESSING THIS, BUT I'LL GET BACK TO YOU WITH MORE THAN A "YUP" ONCE I'VE HAD A FUCKING CIGARETTE. BLUH.
WELCOME BACK CHALKY!!! (|:D not gonna lie i dunno if im gonna retain like MOST of what that all was but I hope you have FUN or at least got a break (|:P
SIGH. THANKS, CUEKEEPER. CUEKEEP. CUKE? NO, FUCK THAT. SIGH. THANKS, SERPAZ.
D--> I would say we need to put a bell on you but no bell we pull on could rival whatever invasive tagging mechanism the Felt are likely to insert in you now that you have been recaptured. Morbid future aside I am glad to see you back, with a body that is slightly STRONGER than it once was. I did miss you as did many others.
:o) Welcome home, Mr. Vantas :o) ...You were missed.
Concluding the history of Uesugi Karkat from the Shikikan era: The Battle of Fearoyama is a seminal turning point in the history of the East Alternian Restoration era. It was simultaneously the end of Troll Edo's anti-Imperial resistance in the region, the official beginning of the Restoration era, and the final battle that resulted in the death of the Shikikan Uesugi Karkat. Prior to the battle, the Shikikan urged his followers to depart, insisting that their deaths would be unnecessary and brutal if they remained. However, so steadfast was the resolve of his allies, especially those he had stood beside many sweeps ago during his era as the Nobushii, that they would not be deterred from following him into death. The Shikikan was forced to begrudgingly accept their deaths. It is said that he engaged in one secret, clandestine tryst in the dead of light just before the battle. Though no written records were made from the Shikikan himself, the journal of the Mikkaddo provides sufficient allusion to the event to indicate that he was the one that met with the Shikikan to parley before they met in open war. In spite of all that they had shared as moirails, the Mikkaddo was unable to be swayed from his allegiance to the new heiress. Resigned to this, the Shikikan asked a single favor of the Mikkaddo to be repaid the very next night. When the battle began at first dusk, the Imperial forces had already surrounded the rebel encampment. Their superior weaponry and soldiers outnumbered their forces sixty to one. As they encroached upon the rebel forces, a charge led by the Shikikan Uesugi Karkat himself broke through the vanguard and inspired his warriors to charge in after him. This, however, was not the element that gave them their advantage. In an act of unprecedented strategic planning, the Imperial forces were awed by the sudden and seemingly divine dimming of the sky. The Pink Moon had disappeared behind the Green Moon, and the Green Moon had been hidden from the sun by Alternia. The Imperial army was briefly but critically cowed into supernatural terror as the Shikikan's rebel forces charged forth through the penumbra of a Bilunar Total Eclipse. The Imperial forces, taken aback by this phenomenon, suffered greatly for their hesitation. The first waves were cut down in the Shikikan's charge and many more routed near-instantly. It was only at the very end of the twelve-minute eclipse that a searing beam of bright white light illuminated the battlefield and speared the Shikikan through the pusher. In an act of monumental betrayal, the Mikkaddo, who had waited in hiding with his reserves, struck from the high ground to grievously wound his former moirail. As he lay dying, the Shikikan watched the Mikkaddo approach after carving through his retainers, the wound instantly cauterized by the beam weapon's passage so as not to reveal the color of his blood. The Mikkaddo's journal says that in a final moment of pale solidarity beyond the echoes of eons past, the two moirails-made-mortal-enemies locked eyes, shared a nod, and wept bitter tears before the Shikikan's body was completely obliterated. Thus ended the Shikikan's Rebellion, and the life of Uesugi Karkat. It is unclear if the Shikikan knew that this event of extraordinary celestial happenstance would be of strategic value to his forces during the battle itself. What is known, however, is that in spite of the otherwise nebulous timeline of events spanning Uesugi Karkat's appearance in Trollshiwara to his death at the Battle of Fearoyama, the fact that a bilunar total eclipse occurred at the moment of the battle's commencement offers historians a uniquely exacting precision of its chronology. Eclipses, like other astronomical phenomena, are governed by mathematical trajectories that follow consistent patterns across time. It is therefore possible to determine via a priori deduction exactly when and where the Battle of Fearoyama began and ended all the way down to the very minute. Though much of the Shikikan Uesugi Karkat's life still remains a mystery to this night, the Uesugi Karkat Historical Preservation Foundation can declare with absolute, unerring certainty that the time of his death was at [T̵̢̡̡͍̜͓̼͈̠̙̩̉̐̋̃̈͋́̉̑́̄I̴̫̣̬̐̍̈́͘M̸̨̖͍̭̞̥̣̠̩̩̦̹̫̬̀̏̿̂̓̐̒́̆Ȇ̷̢̛̜̻̜̘̦̞̦̱̠̘̺̻̝̱̺̖͐͂̓͋͐̇̽̈́͌̿͆̕ ̸̛̝̭̻͈̦̤͎̝͙͖̖̖̞͇̝̻͋̿̓̌̇̒̄̎̔͋́̀̌̕̕ͅŔ̵̺̾͒́̊͑Ȩ̵͇̦̘̎̽̂̽͋́̀̃̋́̕͠͝T̵̡̛̜͈͎̜̤̠̖̗͍̞̥̃͐͛͌̒C̷̳͍̦͉͈̭͈͚̄̾̐̑̍̈́͝O̴̡͔͔̟̖͓̝͉̻̭͓̩̱̜̣͑͒̈́͐͜ͅŃ̵͉̳̬̮̦̰̞̝̊͑ͅ.̸̜͉̥̬͚̤͇̳͎̮̤̳̠͖͕̠̀͐̾̈́̂̃̔͛̀̓ ̸̨̨̲̯̣̣̺̝͙̠͇̰͎̓̏͆̉͐̈D̵̡̢̻͎̙̜͆͂̄̍́̍͒̈́̄̀̊͐͘͜͠Ë̴̢̧̜̩̬͚͈̱͖͇̟̈́̀̈́S̴̨̡̫̜͎̩͚̦̈̈́̓͘T̶̨̢͇̩̩̞̹͉͉̯̟͖͈̱̬͗̒̀̆͐̾͜ͅÏ̴̡̭͉̜̘͕͝͝Ň̸̛̼̼̠̩̀͋̑̄͗A̷̲̖͚̞̩̗͐̈́̊̓̈̈́̾͆͂̐̒̓͂́̃̕͝T̷̲̫͎͖͎͈͈̲́̉̎̓͊̾̓̉̈́̅̑͒̋̀͜͜Ĭ̵̡̛̞̼̫̦̯͍̳͐̽̅̒́̏̓̽͗͜͝Ö̴̡͍̭̬̹̰͎̖͙̤̱̱̤̪̑̏̋͂̓̈́̓͋̆̓̉͠͝N̷̯̭̮̽̏́̌̐̄͋͘ͅ.̶̹̞̩̪̩̺̩͈͒̉̽̆͌̕ͅ ̴̥̖̼͍̳̒̒́̎̀͒̐̑̈́̊̓͛̚͜͠͝T̴̢̙͖͇̠̱̮̹̱̙̖̻͉̩͐̆̈́̄͜Ṟ̶̢̧̡̟̳͙̺͚̺͚̫̩̼͙̦̭̈̂͝Ä̴̧̢̟̣̣̫̀͂̐̆̏̈J̶̘̺̐Ḙ̶͚̘̑C̴̡̦̳̲̜̱͍͈͈͚̰̙̣͙̟̥͕̿̄̾̿̀͌T̴̡̹̯̣͇͖̮̩͙͍͈͚̟͖̊͊̀̏̀́͂̃̒̔̀͆̚͝͝͝O̷̧̤̼̓R̸̟̯̽͋͘͘͝͝Y̵̳͙̏͐.̸̟͈̲̪͓͕̌̊̿͂̆́̔̃̄̈́̋̕͘͝ ̴̤̥͕̘̰̬͓͕͖͓̻̠̞͉͂͌̈̏̋͝Ȧ̶̟̯͍͗͋̄̀̽͆̑́͑͂̏G̶̘͍̰͍͈̤̋̽̈ͅR̴̘̱͎̥̲̗̫̟͚̠̖̜͎͗̈́͋̏͊͘͝E̵̥̍̋̃̾̂̓̊͆́̑͒̑͝͠͝Ę̴̮͈́́̄̍͐̈́̂̾̅̂͗̑̔̕͠͠M̶̨̡̧̮͔̗͚̭̖̺̬̙̹̻̫̅͒̆̽͛̈̕E̴͙͕͆̔̀̓̋̽̽͛̂̅̕N̷̡̺̪̰̭͈̗̝̅̐̑͋̀̿̾͜T̸̨̰̥̹̂͒͌͋.̴̢̡̳̦͎͇̫͖̤͎̯̹̺̪̋̒̅̄̔͜ͅ ̷̠̀̈́̃̐̑̓̈́G̶̞͖̬̀͗̿́̏͐́̂̌̒̔́͛̃̆̊͝Ȩ̵̟͙͎̹̝͙̥̠̭̝͓̖̜͆͛͑͐͋̐͜T̴̢̻͖̞̬̪̬̟͍̰̩͈͓̱̉ͅ ̸̡͉̺̠͓͓̺̦͙͍̤̿H̶͇̯̘̦̰̣̺̝̫̮̜̽̄̎̎̀̓̒͋͝͝͝I̵̢̨̧̘̯̫̻̦͔͉͍͉̦̔̽̾̇͑͗͐̑̍̊̕̕͜͠M̵̤͉̬̳̰̪͖̳͍̩͔̳̱̫̉̏̓̊̀̈́̔̿̾͜͝ ̴̨̝̺̺̦̩̓̄̇̈̽͐̉͘͘N̶̬̩͎̭͕̩̠̖̽̅̑̅̓̌̎̐̂̓̏̌͌͘O̶̧͔̝͈̼̤͍͔̝͔͓̜̣͉̠͊̂ͅͅW̸̢̛̰͓̳̦̗̐̐́.̸̺͇͙͊̈͗] As for the Mikkaddo, whose exhumed journal allowed for the corroboration of some of the more fantastical elements of the Shikikan's conclusive ending, the veracity of events described cannot be taken as holistic fact. His writing style was particularly florid and dramatic, even for a royal dignitary of the era. As such, it cannot be inferred with certainty that the Shikikan's death was truly premeditated the light prior in that furtive meeting between the two, and that his death at the Mikkaddo's hands allowed him to disappear from existence without the color of his blood ever being seen or his head ever being captured. It is the pure pale ardor between the Shikikan and the Mikkaddo that naturally draws so much interest from the common laytroll to the history of Uesugi Karkat. Many plays, songs, historical television dramas, and East Alternian manga series have adapted this historical account into a popularized fiction. The Foundation seeks to distinguish fact from fiction. However, it is for the sake of emphasizing the cultural significance of the Saga of the Shikikan Uesugi Karkat that the Foundation acknowledges that despite the fact that all evidence determines the relationship between the famed courtesan, actor, rope-master, rebel leader, and romantic poet and his deeply conflicted, royalblooded moirail to be of determinately solid pale fidelity in all respects without the slightest hint of vacillation, the single most profound impact of this historical account is on its adaptation within the community of East Alternian media-obsessed internet perverts known as "fujoshi," who ceaselessly delight in arguing that the two trolls were the most quadrant-smearing flushmates of all time. It is through this lens that the Saga of Uesugi Karkat survives as a debatable historical fiction in this niche community, who revere it as one of the oldest epics in the genre that they so odiously call #rankbait. The Uesugi Karkat Historical Preservation Foundation does not condone this. Thank you for reading. We hope that this was educational and enlightening to the Chittr community. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ef45720d8121.png https://open.spotify.com/track/2aL4Dr516WsEswstjfnyYr?si=2b475268653f49b0 #uesugikarkat
- Ohhhh there's a cool olive on a hoofbeast in this one
- History... is SO awesomme. 🙂↕️🙂↕️😆😆🙌🙌
am i east alternian
Continuing the history of Uesugi Karkat from the Nobushii era: It is at this moment that the Uesugi Karkat Historical Preservation Foundation would like to acknowledge the profundity of Uesugi Karkat's vacant flushed quadrant. Despite a lengthy career of over ten sweeps in the Troll Edo period and the approach of a number of suitors during that time, he was notorious for keeping his red quadrant completely closed off. Some have theorized that this is because he was extremely dedicated to his life's ultimate goal of fighting Imperial involvement in East Alternia, and was therefore "married to his work." Others believe that he had a matesprit already, either on another continent or in another life altogether — a deceased lover, perhaps. The discredited academics who insist on the "time traveler" hypothesis, which has inspired songs like the one famously written and performed by Troll Hiromitsu Agatsuma, suggest something else altogether — that his flushed celibacy was to ensure that he did not alter the flow of the future so profoundly that it would unmake a matespritship he could later return to. An extremely vocal subset of enthusiasts who have co-opted the Saga of Uesugi Karkat, whom the Foundation acknowledges, but does not publicly condone, insist that the true, real reason is that he was simply a "tsundere" who was playing hard to get, and that his pale ardor was not so pale after all. The truth will never be known, as this piece of Uesugi Karkat's history is completely lost to us. All that is known is that on the light before the Battle of Fearoyama, the massacre for which he would be remembered forever, he sat down and wrote a single romantic poem, then sealed it away in perhaps the most secure hiding place of all — inside the haft of his sickle, where it was discovered by the Foundation after it was procured from the estate of a deceased royalblooded seadweller. As the Troll Edo period came to a close, Imperial forces had begun to converge on East Alternia with the intention of modernizing the region and bringing it into the fold of the rest of the global Alternian empire. The local government's armed forces were asked to stand down, swear allegiance to the new heiress, and resign their strife modi. After many skirmishes and border conflicts that he had strategically eked narrow victories out of, the Nobushii, now known to his dauntless loyalists by his final title, the SHIKIKAN UESUGI KARKAT, made a sudden and extremely rash decision after a long night of moongazing. He declared that he would meet the Imperial forces in a bloody last stand at Mount Fearoyama, where the remaining rebels would die fighting against insurmountable odds in the final, twitching death-throe of the Pre-Restoration era. His followers pleaded with him to reconsider, but to no avail. When asked why he was so adamant in his decision to die at Fearoyama, the Shikikan was said to have looked skyward, gazing directly into the light of the Green Moon. It is to this moment that we attribute one of Uesugi Karkat's most famous quotes, for he replied, "THE MEMORY OF TIME WON'T REMEMBER MY NAME UNLESS I SHOUT IT FROM THE TOP OF MY FUCKING BELLOWSACS. THIS IS HOW I MAKE SURE IT WILL HEAR ME. DE ARINSU." Little else in the way of context has survived to go on the record. His intense fixation with moongazing and astronomy, especially in the nights leading up to the Battle of Fearoyama, is frequently cited as a relevant detail to his famous quote. Others say that it was merely another means of waxing poetic, as he was oft to do. What has survived is a single daguerreotype picture, taken the night before the battle. The history of Uesugi Karkat will be concluded in the following chitt. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/a8da5cf95f75.png https://open.spotify.com/track/0bP8YBOidQqrFNsw0IJamB?si=f89c1f630b3147c0 #uesugikarkat
THE MOON... MAYBE HE WAS NOT A COMPLETE SHIT FOR BRAINS IDIOT AFTER ALL.
Continuing the history of Uesugi Karkat from the Nawashii era: Shortly after his dismissal from the realm of Grubuki theatre, the once again-titleless Uesugi Karkat sought to invest his amassed wealth. He was known for being particularly preoccupied with the sciences — specifically, horology, chronology, and astronomy. Though he was a deeply private person, he was known for being eminently fixated on the movements and arithmetic of the Green Moon. Some of his studies involved tracking its lunar phases, cataloging previous celestial events, and learning to predict the path that the moons would take in the future. However, this was still not enough to turn his liquid capital into stable assets. One day, a peasant girl from a distant, rural village appeared in the city, pleading for aid from anyone who would heed her. A vicious band of mountain bandits had been terrorizing her village and reaping its resources to the brink of collapse. However, no matter how many mercenaries and samuraisolators she petitioned for help, none came to her aid. When Uesugi Karkat encountered her by chance, it is said that he was seized with a sudden and immediate purpose, as if the recognition of her face alone were sufficient to declare his support. Furthermore, the Mikkaddo who had inadvertently led to the former Grubuki actor's disgrace was so deeply moved by this act of passion that he declared his support as well. By pledging his retainers, his allies, and his crosshairs to the cause, the Mikkaddo set out to help Uesugi Karkat prepare the village's defenses before the bandits' next raid, and in doing so, forged a moiraillegiance with the would-be rebel leader of such wholesome magnitude that its pale reverberations would be felt through time. Gone were Uesugi Karkat's demure robes. His lacquerware hair descramblers and false theatre horns were cast aside for armor and weaponry. Rather than wielding a sword or the era's rapidly developing firearms, the Nobushii chose to wield a simple, bespoke sickle of custom, apparently "nostalgic" design. As a gift from the Mikkaddo, it was forged by his personal weaponsmiths and equipped with a weighted chain concurrent with the sickle-based weaponry of the time. This weapon, whose name is translated into contemporary Alternian as "the See you Later, Dear Brother," is among the artifacts kept on display at the Uesugi Karkat Historical Preservation Foundation. After emptying his coffers to hire several capable warriors and miscreants found around the region, the Nobushii led a team of twelve total trolls to rally the villagers and fend off the mountain bandits. The battle was long, bloody, and deeply dramatic — likely because a former Grubuki actor had absolutely no way of being "normal" and "mundane" during any sort of armed conflict. This, however, would be the event to forge the moiraillegiance between Uesugi Karkat and the violetblooded Mikkaddo into an unbreakable blade of pure, pale dedication beyond all question of fidelity. When the battle concluded and the bandits were repelled, the village became an important hub of operations for the Nobushii and his small, eclectic warband. Though they would later separate and go their own ways, several of them — including the oliveblooded NEKOJITA and the bronzeblooded TOGYUSHI — remained together, unified by mutual beliefs in freedom and opposition of Imperial hegemony. The Mikkaddo, however, would later be seduced into the employ of a powerful East Alternian heiress, culminating in a conflict that would define the future of the East Alternian Restoration era and the enduring legacy of Uesugi Karkat, whose next title, the SHIKIKAN, would be his last. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/9fd47e8259d7.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/3b53fcf8c9d8.png #uesugikarkat
🞜 also. so as to be appropriately disrespectful to the historical record. thank fuck you have gotten to the goddamn yaoi. 🞜 which is what we are all here for. obviously.
tHE tOGYUSH1,,, tHAT T1TLE NEVER STUCK TO ME. 1T 1S FOR THE BEST, - n1TRAM-DONO
fidelity my shiny amphibious ass the guy sets one strutpod in troll edo and careens into the powwerful conciliatory arms a some OTHER royalblood jackass this is BULLSHIT thats it im eatin my feelins tonight
BEFORE YOU DO THAT. CONSULT THE PREVIOUS HISTORYPOST. IT'S IMPORTANT. AND THEN TEXT ME. ONCE YOU HAVE ABSORBED THE KNOWLEDGE CONTAINED THERE. BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING. HAVE HAPPENED? ERIDAN. IT'S MAJOR.
Continuing the history of Uesugi Karkat from the Onnagata era: The Pre-Restoration Troll Edo period of East Alternia was marked by rising agitation against global Imperial rule. This rising sentiment of rebellion (believed by many to be directly affected by rising rebellious philosophy begun in the West, though it is the view of this Foundation that such a political response was merely an emergent school of thought from a coincidental, equifinal era) surfaced in the culture of Grabuki theater through bold stories of rebellious, lowblooded heroes stirring unrest against what they saw as an oppressive regime. Such figures were often depicted under the restrictions of "hojojutsu," the method of rope-binding by which prisoners were publicly bound in such a way as to inflict pain, denote the manner of the crime, and ultimately humiliate the bound captive. This painful method needed to be adapted for the theater so as to present its actors in similarly degrading circumstances without rendering their prongs numb. Thus, the noble art of Shibari was hatched. A noble art that Uesugi Karkat, by way of learning from the various stagehands and Jadeblooded costume designers of the time, came to master. Behind the scenes, the famous Onnagata took on a more private persona. As the NAWASHII, Uesugi Karkat lived his stagely praxis by practicing his knotwork on his fellow actors — especially when they were unruly, poor in performance, or dared to question his taste in romantic poetry. So severe was his ire when spoken through the language of ropework that even trolls who believed themselves to be of likely higher caste than the hemoanonymous Onnagata surrendered to the chance to be bound so deftly. Shibari itself is, of course, a complex language. The arrangement of the knotwork can symbolize the nature of the captive's offense, the identity and status of the captor, the nature of the humiliation waiting for them, and even imbued emotion from the rope-master. It is in this language that the Nawashii also considered himself a romantic poet, and in doing so transcribed the rageful monologue for which he was renowned, the Akkuttai, into a shibari form that purportedly could only be experienced to be understood. Unfortunately, it could not last. The Nawashii's secret practice was eventually discovered when a wealthy seadweller of violet caste called the MIKKADDO, who wanted to see the Akkuttai for himself, drew unnecessary attention to this clandestine taboo. The famed Onnagata was forced to step down from his position at the Grabuki theater by the Mikkaddo's jealous kismesis, leaving Uesugi Karkat with a vast fortune amassed during his lengthy entertainment career, but no immediate future prospects. This aimlessness, however, is what would lead him to meander into a wholly new occupation — the NOBUSHII — and a militant style of leadership for which he would eventually be chiefly known. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/011ed0849dc2.png #nsfw #suggestive #uesugikarkat
your breast is out my dude
THANK FUCK. FINALLY. HE'S DEVELOPING RELEVANT AND PRODUCTIVE SKILLS. FOR AN UNDYING LIFE OF ORGANIZED CRIME. HE JUST NEEDED TO RUN AROUND. HAVING GIRL ADVENTURES. FOR SEVERAL SWEEPS. AND GET THAT FRILLY BULLSHIT OUT OF HIS SYSTEM. BUT ALL IS ACCORDING TO KEIKAKU ONCE MORE.
Continuing the history of Uesugi Karkat from his courtesan era: The life of a courtesan had educated the Akatsuki in language, poetry, refinement, and performance before a small audience. The next chapter of his life would prepare him to perform in front of a large one. Chosen for youth, beauty, and the type of androgynous features that can be easily slanted towards femininity with a little cosmetic prestidigitation, the life of an ONNAGATA — a Grubuki actor who plays predominantly feminine roles — afforded the troll who would become Uesugi Karkat tremendous fame, recognition, and inordinate wealth for a commoner of foreign hatching. As a former Boiran, the Onnagata had already learned how to wear the feminine grace of a courtesan like a costume in the theater of the Trollshiwara red light district. It was for this reason that he was scouted to play one of the most prestigious roles in any Grubuki play — the leading female role of Aggaei Makkie in the play "The Florastalk of Troll Edo" — for which the character, a commanding, fiercely loyal, and deeply passionate high-ranking courtesan, spurns a wealthy, but abusive highblood customer to protect her quadmate in one of the most famous monologues of scathing, acerbic, pitch-black venom ever recited in Grubuki theatre — the AKKUTTAI. It was for channeling this performance with such peerless vitriol that Uesugi Karkat became one of the most famous Onnagatas of the Troll Edo period. Naturally, the life of a Grubuki actor means constant pressure. Rehearsal, training, perfection of one's craft. Many onnagata of the time preferred to live their craft vicariously at all times, adopting a female persona through which to hone their "method" in everyday life. This was not the case for Uesugi Karkat, who shed his many-colored persona when off the stage to don nondescript gray robes whenever possible. Yet the constant pressure of life in a Grubuki theatre troupe and his ability to navigate it with grace made him both a leader among his fellow actors and something of a popular figure with the stagehands who he commiserated with in the wings. It was from these stagehands, many of whom were well-versed in the art of securing props with ropes, fastening theatrical rigging, and tying elaborate, functional knots, that the famed Onnagata would learn one final skill from the world of the theatre — one that would lead to his secret life as the NAWASHII. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ee6014bb70e8.png #uesugikarkat
TREMENDOUS IMPLICATIONS FOR #GIRLSNIGHT GOING FORWARD.
CHOTTO FUCKING MATTE. HIS SECRET LIFE AS THE WHAT.
Much of Uesugi Karkat's early life is completely unknown. Due to his total hemoanonymity over the many sweeps of his time in East Alternia, it cannot be deduced what province, prefecture, or continent he hailed from before his sudden arrival in Trollshiwara, the famous red light district of Troll Edo. What remains consistent is this — he arrived as a foreigner who did not speak the language, seemingly fallen out of the sky and into the cart of a local brothel owner. The owner was purportedly so taken with his boyish beauty and gap moe tsundere personality that he immediately set him to work as a courtesan within his business. It was here that Uesugi Karkat was first referred to by his East Alternian title, the AKATSUKI. Under the strict tutelage of the other courtesans, he learned to dance, sing, play music, pour tea with delicately trembling wrists, feign laughter at unfunny jokes, and weaponize the nape of his nugstalk in the way that an anglerfish lures its prey into its abyssal maw. However, accounts from the other brothel workers say that he was too ornery and foul-mouthed to do any of these things without erupting with rage. He did, however, learn the local language with surprising acuity, and the courtesans were deeply impressed with his natural propensity for writing romantic long-form poetry. Furthermore, rather than selling his concupiscent services as a low-ranking courtesan was expected to, the Akatsuki was supposedly so renowned for his talents as a pale quadrant advisor and ashen mediator that guests of some of the highest castes in Troll Edo sought him out solely for his comfort and advice. No information on the Akatsuki's hemocaste could be discerned during this time, due to never once shedding his genetic material with any customer or courtesan alike. In fact, so preternatural was his ability to touch the pusher of a customer without ever shedding his kimono that within three sweeps, he had already reached the prestigious rank among courtesans of a Boiran (boy oiran), which offered him considerable wealth and empowered him with the right to turn away any offer made in poor taste, even if they were of a higher-blooded caste. It was due to this prestige that he was later discovered by his next wealthy benefactor, who was the leader of a troupe of Grubuki actors, and began his next career as the ONNAGATA. Attached is one of the most popularly sold woodblock-print wall scrolls of his likeness, titled "Delicious Fucking Shit," for the ambiguity of its referral to either the grub-tempura or the courtesan himself. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/17e0aad9aa46.png #uesugikarkat
The Uesugi Karkat Historical Preservation Foundation is a non-profit organization dedicated to researching and preserving all records, artifacts, cultural relics, woodblock prints, romantic poetry, and erotic wall scrolls belonging or related to the Pre-East Alternian Restoration era figure Uesugi Karkat. Founded in late 20XX many sweeps after the Restoration, it was determined that this historical figure warranted further inquiry when a lacquerware hair de-wrangler once belonging to the enigmatic figure during his courtesan era was scanned using material dating technology. The scan revealed a hollow interior to the de-wrangler which, when split open, contained instructions in both archaic East Alternian and the modern-day parlance on how to find and log into the Chittr account formerly belonging to the user @carbolicGalvanologist. This has led to a dramatic re-examination of his possible origins, one which has stirred controversy among Alternia's foremost scholars. This account endeavors to offer an authentic and evidence-based chronicle of the life of Uesugi Karkat from his mysterious appearance in the Troll Edo period to his death at the Battle of Fearoyama, rejecting the insufficiently substantiated and formally unrecognized theory of time travel as of this moment in the Foundation's deliberation process. Chitts will be posted from this account related to the numerous and varied arcs of this esoteric, hemoanonymous leader of the Pre-Restoration era. The Head Curator has decided that all information hereafter will be displayed in a quirkless format for legibility. DMs are for historical inquiry only. #uesugikarkat
@handMaid actually before you do im going to try and get my prongs on these erotic wall scrolls
:oO Oh my... :o) He's truly living a whole life out there, isn't he? :o) ... go get 'em, little brother.
wwhat the fuck kar are you eastern alternian noww i thought you wwere from mexicull
everything has gotten so out of hand that im getting a HISTORY LESSON from this wish history was half as interesting in school as it is here i woulda been LOCKED IN!!!! also no rupturekernels for all this (|:/
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO -- carbolicGalvanologist [CG] has lost connection to the timeline. --
:o) My my... :o) What could he have seen, dear viewers?
what in the goddamn fuck is going on over there
Oh, what a shame. I imagine that's what happens when you deal with such filth. Sad. Anyways.
(=ＴェＴ=) < YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TALK TO ME LATER, WHAT HAPPENED???
NO
WAIT
CHALKBOX, DAY ONE. FIFTY-TWO-ISH KARKAT HOURS. I'VE SEEN A LOT OF BULLSHIT IN MY LIFE. A *LOT.* BULLSHIT OF SUCH A MYRIAD VARIETY THAT IF YOU WENT INTO A BULLSHIT PARLOR ADVERTISING EVERY FLAVOR OF BULLSHIT UNDER THE SUN, BULLSHIT NEAPOLITAN, BULLSHIT SPUMONI, BULLSHIT SORBET, BULLSHIT OF EVERY POSSIBLE QUALITY AND CONSISTENCY, AND THEN SERVED ME UP A TALL, HEAPING BULLSHIT CONE STACKED TO A HEIGHT THAT WOULD SEND EVEN TROLL SCOOBY-DOO INTO A FUCKING COMA, I WOULD SAMPLE EVERY SINGLE FLAVOR ON THAT MILE-HIGH BULLSHIT SUNDAE WITHOUT BATTING A FUCKING BULB. BECAUSE I'VE SEEN IT BEFORE. THIS. THIS IS THE FRESHEST BULLSHIT I'VE EVER TASTED. WHAT. THE FUCK. IS THIS. THIS IS SINGLE-HANDEDLY THE MOST PAN-MELTINGLY GARISH BLOCK IN AN ALREADY EYE-SEARING TORMENT NEXUS OF UGLY GREEN BLOCKS. WHY IS IT SO SMALL. WHY DOES THE FURNITURE LOOK LIKE IT'S FOR WIGGLERS OF RECENTLY DIVORCED LUSUSDADS. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS ON THE WALL. I CAN'T EVEN PARSE THIS SHIT WITH A FINE TOOTH HAIR DE-WRANGLER. NOBODY SHINE A FUCKING BLACK LIGHT IN HERE. I'M CHITTING THE PICTURE FOR POSTERITY. BECAUSE SEEING IS BELIEVING, AND I CAN BARELY BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING. BUT ALSO BECAUSE I'M GOING TO MOP THIS BULLSHIT RIGHT OFF THE FACE OF THE MOON. UPDATES WILL COME. GIVE ME TWO KARKAT HOURS. ACTUALLY, MAKE THAT FOUR. THE SHEER REPELLANT HIDEOUSNESS OF THIS RETCH-WORTHY FURNITURE IS PLAYING MY QUEASY INTERNAL CLOCK ON HALF-SPEED. I'M GETTING OLDER EVERY MOMENT I'M FORCED TO LOOK AT THE CHAIRS. THESE CHAIRS ARE MAKING ME OLD. ONWARD, TO WAR. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/388EDBE6A8DD.PNG
- Hi, Karkat! 👋😆 If you need any fresh tips for ablution and "waste Managemment" Jobs, feel free to ring mmy line! It's one of mmy mmany specialities. 😏😉😁😁 - I know you can get the Job done, Workbro. Hope this Helps! 🙌
WOW THAT LOOKS ABOUT 1/13 AS BAD AS MY YOUNGER BROTHERS PLACE!!! IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE YOUR WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU.
I'VE STARTED USING MY OWN METRIC IN A LIMP-FRONDED ATTEMPT TO TRACK *SOME* SEMBLANCE OF THE PASSAGE OF TIME *WITHOUT* REFERRING TO ANY OF THE EVIL FUCKING CLOCKS FESTOONING THIS HELLHOLE. IT'S AN INCREMENT OF MY OWN INVENTION. THEY'RE CALLED KARKAT HOURS. ONE KARKAT HOUR = ANY AMOUNT OF TIME SPENT DOING SOME BULLSHIT THAT FEELS LIKE IT IS *ACTIVELY* AGING ME AND ROBBING ME OF MY WANING LIFE FORCE. SO BASICALLY, ANY SHIT THAT MAKES ME OLD. LIKE THIS JOB. THIS JOB IS MAKING ME OLD. WE ARE FORTY-THREE KARKAT HOURS IN. I'VE SWEPT UP THE FLOOR. AS IN I'VE SWEPT THE ENTIRE FLOOR *OUT* OF THIS ABLUTION BLOCK, BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE SHE PUT ON THE BIGGEST BOOTS HER STUMPY LITTLE LEGS COULD FIT INTO AND STOMPED THE TILE INTO FUCKING GRAVEL. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REDO THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU TO DEATH. WRITING THIS CHITT TOOK AN ENTIRE KARKAT HOUR IN OF ITSELF. WILL UPDATE AS NEEDED.
WHEN YOU'RE DONE THERE. I HAVE A SOFTBALL FOR YOU. A ROOM WITH NO CLOCKS. AND ALMOST NO FURNITURE. AND ONLY A FEW. RELATIVELY FRESH STAINS. IT SHOULD BE LIGHT WORK. FOR A LOWLY MOPBITCH. OF YOUR RECENTLY ACQUIRED TALENTS.
OH, DON'T YOU FUCKING WORRY. DON'T YOU SWEAT YOUR LOAD GAPER PORCELAIN DOLL HEAD OFF. I'LL BE THERE. IF I HAVEN'T ADDED A FEW STAINS MYSELF BY RUPTURING A FUCKING BLOOD VESSEL BY THE TIME I GET THERE, YOU CAN CONSIDER IT AS GOOD AS GUTFUCKED. YOU HAVEN'T BROKEN ME, YET. I CAN SHOVE MY WHOLE FUCKING PRONG UP THE WASTE CHUTE OF WHATEVER MESS YOU THROW AT ME. BRING IT ON, BITCH. BRING. IT. ON.
NOTICE. THE WAY I'M NOT MEDIATING YOUR CHITT. BECAUSE YOU'RE FINALLY ACCESSING. SOME OF THE WHITE HOT. HIGH OCTANE. UNFILTERED RAGE. REQUIRED FOR THE JOB. HOLD ONTO THAT. IT IS A SECRET TOOL. TO HELP YOU LATER.
LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT. LOOK AT IT. I CAN'T FATHOM HOW SHE EVEN GOT IT THIS BAD. NOTHING BUT SEVERE DECOMPOSITION COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE ABLUTION BLOCK INTO A STATE OF THIS MUCH GROTTY FUCKING PUTRESCENCE. THIS ABLUTION BLOCK HAS HAD A LONGER DAY THAN *I* HAVE. AND SINCE THE MOMENT I SET FROND IN THIS GRUBFORSAKEN GREEN LABYRINTH, I FEEL LIKE THE DAY THAT *I'VE* HAD HAS YET TO FUCKING CEASE. NOT EVEN THE LAMEST EXCUSE FOR A DAYMARE-INFESTED NAP ON THE LOUNGEPLANK DID ANYTHING TO UNFUCK MY SPONGE AFTER THE LAST GAUNTLET MY SUPERVISOR FROM HELL THREW MY WAY. LIKE I'M LIVING ONE LONG, CONTINUOUS WORK-NIGHT. NO TENS. NO THIRTIES. AND NO LIMIT WITHIN SIGHT OF HOW MANY HOURS CAN BE CONTAINED WITHIN A SINGLE BILUNAR PERIGEE. AS FAR AS I'M AWARE, KARKAT'S LONG DAY AT THE LONG DAY MANSION #KLDATLDM #NOTPUNCHYENOUGH IS AT AN ONGOING THIRTY-TWO HOURS AND COUNTING. AND THAT'S A BALLPARK ESTIMATE, BASED OFF COUNTING THE RINGS UNDER MY FUCKING GANDERBULBS. FUCK ME. I'M GOING TO WRING HER NECK LIKE A TOWEL. SIGH. LET'S GET THIS GRUBLOAF. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/FFAC10FCDC1F.PNG
Id be m0re w0rried ab0ut the arsenic thats definitely been used t0 dye every item in that h0use
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I RESCINDED MY PALE REACT. I RIPPED IT FROM YOUR PRONGS AS SOON AS I REALIZED YOU HAD ALREADY STUCK A KNIFE IN MY DORSAL RIDGE. MINISCULE CRUMB OF MY APPRECIATION DENIED. EAT A BAG OF BULGES.
:33 < a full bag? g33, karkat. i don't know. i had a heavy lunch.
I just assumed we'd have commissioned some poor craftsman to make Green Ceramics for all of them!
Do you know how expensive that is? Like hell we are. Same wit' da sinks. Water runs through that shit constantly.
AND we have to replace 'em regularly thanks to certain folks of the crew and their shenanigans, cough fuckin' cough. No namin' names but you know who youse are.
holy crap uhhhhh YOU GOT THIS CHALKY (|:D ill uh try to keep folks away so you can uhhhh unfuck this place in peace
I DON'T KNOW IF THE FACT THAT YOU'RE QUICKLY BECOMING ONE OF MY ONLY FUCKING ALLIES IN THIS ROTTING HIVE OF HORRORS IS DEPRESSING OR UPLIFTING. THE BEST JOKE YOU'VE EVER MADE TO DATE IS DECIDING TO BEFRIEND THE FUCKING JANITOR. I'LL REMEMBER THIS.