♥ liked by @porcelainPrankster
no im not playing on my phone im taking care of business.
humping the fuuuuck out of my bed and i get a phonecall about overdue rent or some shit. major fucking boner killer. god forbid a man have fun. #nsfw
while im posting about music i enjoy. kmfdm. my favorite song of theirs (and favorite song of all time, for that matter) happens to have a name im not willing to type out on the basis that it probably breaks some kind of rule. but take it like a man is a close second. good shit.
I AM HAPPIER WHEN I HURT YOU.
you're a fucking dollbaby.
your typing style is really fucking weird. are you trying to sound like a dipshit?
cal knows how to smooth out wrinkles so damn fucking well.
hey baby.
i finally have an air conditioner this shit is a fucking blessing.
♡♤♢♧ Greetings and salutations, Chittr! We have a new Quadnote from an anonymous source, meant for one @porcelainPrankster Your message is as follows: “i don't get it. are you some living version of cal? my little man? i've been feeling a way. ever since i saw you. i think we should hang. not like weirdly. just. i want to know the real you. or learn if the idea of you i've had. for all of these years. was just an orchestrated figment.” Oohh. A fascinating one! Your curious postman wishes he knew more about this... If you would like to submit a note of your own, follow the link below! Arrivederci! #Quadnotes ♧♢♤♡
i pity react so often that i wonder if some people think its a gimmick. that being said it most definitely is not. i just happen to feel bad for most of you.
Note how they change the rules because they don't want me to win. Lmao. @barackObama Help a brother out.
trying to decipher anything dave sends me when he first wakes up is honestly a fucking nightmare. open your eyes fully before texting.
ill start doing it to short people too if that helps any.
arguing with people over this is funny. i truly dont care how tall you are but im still going to tell you youre not.
The fact of the matter is Chittr has a block button and the fact you're all still interacting with my posts makes it pretty fucking apparent that deep down you love me.
//how i feel sitting here at my lesbian pc desk with a lesbian vn open in another tab listening to lady gaga writing ultimate dirk saying the most disgustingly casually misogynist drivel ever
Almost said "It's awesome how you've become less funny since you transitioned. Really gender affirming stuff." to a trans woman but that's too far even for me.
#lesbianlifehack 12: You can only say "Attention: I am a lesbian" so many times before people start expecting you to have literally anything else going for you.
#lesbianlifehack 11: Sex isn't going to fix you, no matter how hard or often you have it. You can't fuck your way into being a better person. People will still get sick of your shit no matter how hot you are. Try doing your friends actual favours as well as sexual favours. #nsfw
#gaymanlifehack 2: You're an adult. Speak like one. At the very least, treat me like one. Don't yass at me, don't call me a kween, don't do the wrist thing at me, especially after I've told you to stop. I'm a fully grown man and I have a life outside of sucking dick. Maybe you should take a page out of my book. #nsfw
#lesbianlifehack 10: Objectifying people and turning them into sex objects devoid of agency doesn't become okay just because you're a lesbian and a bottom.
You're literally scrambling to find a way to own me for saying "objectifying women is wrong" just because you don't want to agree with me.
But when I say this I'm Hitler reincarnated.
of course. i'm the main man. you should know that.
Stop looking in the toilet bowl.
spirals power is like, what if being stubborn was the physics engine. which rules. it is the dewalt 20v of hope. be stubborn. hope to push forward. spiral is growth. spiral is evolution. anti-spirals are wrong because they are pussies. whatever. 'oh no infinity is scary!' no man. it's like, a welcoming comfort around you in every direction. stupid fucks. believe in the motion. keep turning. do not become a monument to your own fear. anyway. giant robots are cool.
Note how not a single person has actually disputed anything I've said, they're just mad that I'm saying it. It's misandry, plain and simple. You'd be eating this shit up if I was "Ultimate Rose" or some shit.
(And, sidenote for my #lesbianlifehack: If you insist on abiding by the nonsensical construct of butch/femme, don't try and pigeonhole certain ethnicities into having "natural leanings" to one side or the other. You know who you fucking are. What are we doing here. Get your act together, women.)
#lesbianlifehack 5: Butch/femme isn't fucking real. Don't let it dictate your life. You've just reinvented "okay but which one is the boy boy and which one is the girl boy" but for women. Dress how you want, act like you want, date who you want, live like you want. You're an adult, allegedly, not a box-ticking experiment.
good music, great puppetry. more people should know about this. https://i.postimg.cc/gjw5z49p/lmb.gif
#lesbianlifehack 4: Being kinky isn't having a personality. Deep down you're a vanilla bitch who just wants to feel valued and you're lying about being into the fetish du jour for lesboclout, but even if you were serious about any of that shit it wouldn't fucking matter if you can't hold a conversation. Learn how to actually engage in small-talk. Ask her how her fucking day was before asking if you can choke on it and call her mommy. #nsfw
I do not associate myself with that guy.
Interesting how the hysterical hordes of women are realising I actually make good points once they sit down to read what I say instead of parroting what they've been told to think about me.
the realest motherfuckers around. https://i.postimg.cc/yxcgnp2w/image.png
hell yeah.
can we get dirk horu but its jst us serin how fast theh kill eajc other
"That can't be on your birth certificate." Of course not. I'm trans, and my father named me Siseph, and I married a woman (and divorced) named Marmalade.
I should visit Zabrak and throw down sometime.
Sup.
₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ♡ ༘⋆ watching chittr struggle with dirk is amusing. he's projecting on a level never seen before. ⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊🐇୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
Do you actually think Lalonde using 500 words to say nothing of any value make her smart? Christ, you people are stupid.
@insufferablePrick Just backread your profile. You're the only Dave here who grew a sack and didn't have it taken by one of those Vantii. Keep up the good work, champ. I'm almost proud of you.
Fuck it. We ball.
Nobody's answering your fucking google forms. Some of us have better things to do than ask the 10th carbon copy of the same douchebag what kind of cheese they like in their sandwiches.
hey cal.
joint pains. this sucks. i feel old.
morning.
yeah of course, you're way too sweet not to love you.
no baby, i love you.
fuck... it's been awhile, i forgot your sexy ass was on here. might need to kiss it better.
a little to much, baby.
need to start daily chitting about my son. you know what he did today? my boy had his first beer.
i don't know why y'all getting on me about giving my son beer, he's 15. #substances
bro the more you hate on my chitts the more i think you just hate my son. @barackObama
nah there ain't anything to confess.
confession:
when you make commitments to your constituents you should follow through with them. fucked up shit.
y'all out here sipping lemonade transportalized to your doorstep and don't know what chemicals the mofo is putting in it. "sealed" my ass, dude be needling that shit with a 27g.
woke up feeling like my entire body was being weighed down by fucking bricks. the hell.
i barely use this shit, and i'm getting a silver fox following me? what'd i do.
hm.
i am a busy man lately.
- Say say say my name! - Who missed Daddy Beetle? I've been BUUUUSY, busy as a BEE! Do you know how many random people summon you, get scared you're real, and then send you back? TOO MANY. - 𝟛 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖘! -
Ain’t he a cute lil thing. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ee1fc7161a0e.jpeg
downed a handful of salt in a moment of pure desperation. remind me to actually take care of myself tomorrow because all ive done today is stumble and faint. fuck pots.
i forgot to drink anything other than vodka until 6pm so ive downed about 48oz of water and one of those nasty electrolyte drinks in about an hour in hopes to make myself less dizzy and tachy. #substances
was 100% certain i am strictly a top. keyword WAS. what the fuck. #nsfw
I fucking love JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.
It's like a fucking Petri dish of Striders on this hellsite.
facts my brother. spit your shit indeed.
hell yeah man.
sometimes the pity option feels appropriate. some of you are disturbingly pathetic.
I think you're like my favorite Cal now.
Oh dude sick. That sounds cool as shit.
YOOO. Dude I didn't know you could type.
i might need to sew a stomach pouch into you one of these days.
anything for you, kiddo.
hey. <3
i always miss my son.
- Say say say my name! - Hello Chitter! I'm the every so WONDERFUL Beetle Ghest, or Betelgeuse, Beetlejuice, whatever you wanna call me. But if you need me, you know how to reach me for my services, LIVING EXTERMINATOR. That's right, my amazing business is here too! No, it does not work in text. Gotta say say say it out loud, and we can get buddy-buddy! But not too buddy-buddy, anyway, ANYWAY. Nice to meet you all, here's my business card! [ooc:// If you like this post, a business card appears near your muse] - 𝟛 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖘! -
- Say say say my name! - Daddy's gotta go, for a few hours, I'll be back later! - 𝟛 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖘! -
ᐖ ᐖIS IS TRUE #ONEWAYSTREETS ᐛ
6/10
// you the realest.
ooc: // I need you guys to know my bro strider is 100% my propaganda for big muscular men who are bottoms. And even more so that he's a beautiful black man who is a bottom. I need you to look at him and visualize this man taking it. #nsfw
Oh, that's neat, well I'm happy for you then :)
when i tell you my heart stopped the #horror https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/7fa604b52143.png
I am surprised Lil Cal is sentient, by the way. Mine was just a puppet.
Oh okay. This is a thing that would happen to me. Hi Cal.
[ I am having a neutral day. ]
Brothers are. Complicated.
concept: you can barely breathe between them like this your matesprit on one side and a perfect duplicate of them on the other theyre both making it their mission to unravel you two sets of lips on your neck four hands exploring the parts of you they both know far too well their identical voices whispering in your ears "which one of us are you going to start with?" "or would you rather just watch us have all the fun together instead?" (tags: Reader/Matesprit/Matesprit, #rankworks, #selfcest, timetravelplay, paradoxspaceplay, flushfic, redrom, threesome, #nsfw, exhibitionism, two of them, archive rating: M)
Someone anonymously sent me money to see me in a button-up shirt and a pencil skirt, and you know what, I can be paid to wear something. So I will be doing that when I am done being elbows deep in my current work.
I'm going to eat drywall.
every0ne here exists in the minds 0f neur0divergent adults that never g0t 0ver their 0ld hyperfixati0ns. 0u0
You weren’t supposed to exist, nor was I, that’s why continuing to live is the least I can. It’s all in spite.
I'm calm. Not really but If I tell myself that I will calm down.
Well. I guess we really are in it now. https://file.garden/acR4O28XdjJpG0lX/chittr%20obamaverse/oh%20broseph%20were%20really%20in%20it%20now.png
I mean do it lady. BUT ALSO. G I DONT THINK IM THAT FORWARD. i'm losing my mind. This goes against my romantic manifestos. I need to sit down.
Aye-aye.
Holy shit, is that Troll Barak Obama? Why the fuck did nobody get me on here sooner?
There's something pretty chill about a new account somewhere where nobody knows you. And before some smartass rolls in with "hur dur, there are plenty of Dirks here," none of those Dirks are me any more than I'm them.
I'm a lover not a fighter. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/4d5cf8a1e6e2.png
You know, usually. I don't notice shit. I sure do be noticing. With my peepers. #notsovagueposting
No commentary for this one, to be honest. #broselfiestrider https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/31264eb04ccd.png #nsfw
Going to do something I normally don't do.
// I finished it, but I'll post it in about 2ish hours. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/fdc41f48c24d.png
:D
[ THANK YOU FOR THE AGREEMENT THAT CALIBORN IS A QUEEF @porcelainPrankster ]
[ No Caliborn. You're the queef. ]
Mmmm. Nope, not a fan. #vagueposting
Getting actually flung by a trebuchet could fix me.
// as the night winds down... i will draw Bro's ass. #nsfw
Been far too aware of a certain someone, as though things haven't been shitty enough.
I'm going to post my arm.
Yes, and that's not good, and only when I'm not getting sued.
WHOOHOO TREBUCHET! Sending this straight to Trollbama! [Pictured is a fully finished trebuchet. It's big. Bro has his brothers standing next to it for scale.]
#nowplaying Transcedental Cha Cha Cha - Tom Cardy https://open.spotify.com/track/1gaa0N2DGSLKcW7aIQu9xF?si=c5ddb5c3939f4578
Not a good day to be in my head.
Five of them.
// everyone missed my bro's hole post... except two people hehehehehohohohoho. #nsfw
// what if I drew bro's hole. for all of you... his... booty hole. Ignore my intense sweating and shaking this is for all of u not me... #nsfw
// I wanna play with yall but I am very bad at these games LOL
I have never played amongus and I'd probably be bad at it.
i let her pay for dinner. 🙄 next time it will be my turn. @astroPhysicist
#CanItRunHAL: Imperial Drone. #WatchThisSpace.
concept: your eyes widen as their pace becomes frantic trying to push themself over the edge "are you ready to be a single mother?" they snarl (tags: Reader/Anonymous, #nsfw, breeding kink, #rankworks, no protection, still working on the breeding fic but i like this quote, humans!, humansona, pitchslop, blackrom coded, i learned so much in breeding class the other night, i love humans, archive rating: M)
440. New PB. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/72b46a7b609c.png
I've debased myself in ways hitherto thought impossible tonight. Expect big things to come in more ways than one on PlushRump.com.
Overall, cute post from Mr. President. I did chuckle a little.
[|87 :: Operat;on D;rk chaser has commenced. Bravo 6, go;n dark!
I have created this piece to hang by my desk to remind me of what is most important. While I did not want to include any members of my Cabinet, I feared for my safety had I not included Madame Lalonde. You are all in no particular order, I was simply struck with inspiration from @exuberantArchivist's wonderful post. Pictured are ten of my valued constituents. https://file.garden/acR4O28XdjJpG0lX/chittr%20obamaverse/do%20it%20for%20them.png
>> Hey Ch¡ttr ¡ juડt want you a11 know ¡ 1ove a11 of you and ¡ hope you are a11 hav¡ng a great t¡me and that good th¡ngડ happen to you and uh,, ¡ hope you get to enjoy ડome good food or ડometh¡ng. :))
We need to give roombas knives.
Projects - Trebuchet - 70% completions - Nuclear Reactor - come back to that - Scarab robot that has a command system that has "___ my scarab" - Buy more modest shirts, I think I'm giving people heart attacks.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/9673053651be.png
THEY SAID I COuLD PROTOTYPE ANYTHING I WANTED. SO I TOOK THE REGISTERED GOD PARTICLE ON MY HIP. AND I CHuCKED THAT SHIT LIKE IT WAS A CABER TOSS FREELIFT IN THE uPPER WEIGHT CATEGORY. AND I LANDED THAT SHIT SMACK DAB IN THE 12 O' CLOCK POSITION. RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE GOLDEN GLOWING BuTTHOLE OF AuRA ITSELF. NOW NO ONE WILL FuCK WITH ME. GuESS WHY. GuESS WHY. BECAuSE MY ANuS IS A DICK GuILLOTINE. I'VE GOT EVERY SHOOTER uNDER MY COMMAND. ALL THE GuNS ARE CALIBORN CALIBER. https://i.imgur.com/P3cC8YX.png
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f9731f3f74de.png
WE CAN DO THIS THE SIMPLE WAY BUT I KEEP SHIT COMPLICATED YOU AINT GETTING JUST A SLICE OF ME MOTHERFUCKER YOURE GETTING THE WHOLE DAMN PIE #TROLLDRACULAFLOW
I'll take it then
Everyone is in need of a deep-dish pizza with a concerning amount of pepperonis. Solution: Pizza party.
Time to invent a tongue for puppets to taste with.
(°. y𖦹u're n𖦹 l𖦹nger safe fr𖦹m my h𖦹rniness .°)
i'm in desperate need of a deep dish pizza with a concerning amount of pepperoni.
Honestly, you'd think I would have far better embarrassing things to say in a scenario such as this, but alas... Too many of the things I've had access to as of late would turn him on if I bothered to share. #suggestive
He's going to end up locked out of the account if he's not careful. The atrociously incorrect passwords keep coming.
THIS IS THE MOST ROuNABOuT WAY. ANYONE HAS EVER SAID THEY WANTED TO FuCK ME. I'M KIND OF IMPRESSED AT THE ARTISTRY. EVERYONE KNOWS. THE GREEN M&M IS THE MOST. EMINENTLY FuCKABLE. BY EVERY CONCEIVABLE METRIC. CuRVES. CuNTY LIPS. THE HIGH HEELS. THAT SHE WILL ALWAYS FuCKING HAVE.
thers only 1 lil cal i wll evr follow