The Good Shepherd 🪷
@coralConsternation
I may be the ruler of the Great Beforan -Empire, but I'm just like you! If you ever need to chat, my DMs are alwaves open, guppies. <3 ((pfp by foxxisms on tumblr))
O)(!!! Beac)(fore I forget, I did )(ave a R-EAL post to make for #Fis)(ingFriday, )(e)(e)(. Not really s)(ore w)(at t)(is t)(ing is, but I snagged it from t)(e bottom of t)(e lake. Isn't it just T)(-E CUT-EST!!!! And a little familiar... (( original karkat labubu by u/Beelzeboba on reddit, edited by me lol )) )(ttps://cdn.imgc)(est.com/files/90f48f6cf352.png
FIRST OFF, THANKS, I HATE IT. SECOND, THERE IS NO CONCEIVABLE *WAY* YOU WILL CATCH *ANYTHING* GOOD WITH THIS AS YOUR BAIT. IF YOU AREN'T KEEN ON DREGING UP AN INCHOATE RAGING TIME BITCH OR YET ANOTHER RUSTBLOOD WHOSE HABITUAL MANNER OF GREETING INVOLVES SHOVING HAIRPINS THROUGH YOUR GANDERBULBS, I SUGGEST YOU CATCH AND RELEASE.
You )(ave SUC)( a way wit)( words, Mr. T)(e C)(alkbox! I'm rat)(er impressed by your mastery of evocative language, especially for a troll like you!! Keep up t)(e good work! )(owever, t)(ere's no way I can just toss it back in t)(e water!! Its miscevic)(eous little grin and pitifully nubby )(orns are far too c)(arming to ignore. I just want to SQU-E-EZ-E IT until it pops!
-E)(-E)(-E)(, you're adorabubble. #Fis)(ingFriday
\\__They_have_some_dedication_to_the_hate__\\
Your conc)(cern is appreciated, but it's okay, dear!! It's all in good fun. Isn't t)(at rig)(t? @orp)(anerDualscar
#Fis)(ingFriday
I,it is that time of the week, isn't it..? I should get on that........
@orp)(anerDualscar Ooo)(, a R-EC)(ITT t)(is time? )(ow bold! I wonder w)(at I )(ave to do to get you to MANTA RAY UP and say )(i? Does tagging it #Fis)(ingFriday )(elp? )(ttps://cdn.imgc)(est.com/files/8a0cc29335ad.png
Perhaps they are iintiimiidated by the sheer warmth of your presence? IIt iis a wonder your spectacular seadwellera countenance does not dry out!!
Could be!!! W)(at do YOU say, Dolp)(iner? Are you too FINTIMIDAT-ED by my presence? I )(ope not. I promise I don't bite unless you want me to. @orp)(anerDualscar
Aww, p)(ooey, you didn't rec)(itt t)(is one. Is t)(at a yes? 38) @orp)(anerDualscar
T)(at's better!!! Good buoy! @orp)(anerDualscar
)(appy #Fis)(ingFriday to you too, Gameward!!! Or is it Orp)(aner again? You Amporas are so silly. 38P @orp)(anerDualscar )(ttps://cdn.imgc)(est.com/files/d2b41f00a99b.png
I sea we're talking about clones tonig)(t! LOBST-ERVIOUSLY it goes wit)(out saying, but my clones and I would be best friends! W)(o would G-ET me betta t)(an me, rig)(t? 38D
it wouldnt last.
[i]~[like]~[to]~[think]~[i]~[would]~[get]~[along]~[with]~[my]~[clone!]~[also]~[hello]~[ma'am!]~[(✿◡‿◡)]
Are YOU a psionically gifted warmblood w)(o's reefcently fallen on )(ard times? No s)(ame in it! We've ALL been t)(ere! It's time for you to stop being unemployed and start being FUN---EMPLOY--ED!!!! W)(y not conc)(sider signing up for )(elpsman duty? As an Imperial )(elpsman, you'll be joining a fast-paced, creatively-inclined environment tailored to suit YOUR unique needs w)(ile also making your -Empire PROUD! INT-ER-EST-ED? Don't be afraid to comment down below or send me a direct message to learn more! I just ADOR---E )(earing from you all!!! )(ttps://cdn.imgc)(est.com/files/5d5fa7df47b7.png
>PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK TELL ME I GET TO BLOW MY LOAD ON THE JOB SIGN ME THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW AND DRAIN ME OF ALL I HAVE
T)(ank you, my most loyal )(elpsman! I'm so glad I can ALWAV-ES count on you for your kind words of support!
Ɏ look baabe the only thing worse thaan being culled would be bein employed Ɏ
Gos)(, it just breaks my bloodpumper to t)(ink of all your )(elping potential going to waste... Per)(aps I'LL )(ave to oversea your assignment perc)(sonally to make sure your talents are being put to good use. I'll be keeping a V-ERY CLOS-E -EY-E ON YOU, Sillence!
ALLWAV-ES!! Though thiis concern iis beneath you please accept my personal apology for collapsiing on the job two days priior!! II accept full responsiibiiliity.
Apology accepted!!! Just try not to let it )(appen again, okay? -Every second you spend unconscious is anot)(er second t)(at t)(e power grid underperforms!
Don't II know iit!! Here's hopiing your recruiitiing efforts bear fruiit. Thiis has been a fantastiic usage of my fiive miinute break. Back to work!!
38/
NOT)(ING. I am just going to )(ave to )(ave a polite little talk wit)( someone I T)(OUG)(T I could trust.
Wow, t)(is place is getting more and more Beforan by t)(e nig)(t! Your -Empress is SO )(APPY to sea you all!!! <3
yeah and were well ii wouldnt 2ay happy but iit2 niice cu2 youve got that you know ii mean fuck you know what ii mean liike you really got iit compared two not that your alterniian 2elf 2he2 great two you know but liike
actually your alterniian counterpart would be the conde2ce not my fef 2o yeah you are ju2t 2traiight up b etter iin every way iincludiing a better a22
Keep being adorabubble like t)(is and you mig)(t just get your c)(ance, cutiefins. 3;)
T)(is #Fis)(ingFriday, you can CATC)( me in a brand new ensemble courtesy of @containedArmageddons. T)(anks, guppy! I R-E-ELly love my new )(OOK!! )(ere's )(oping I snag somet)(ing good at t)(e end of my ROD tonig)(t!! #Fis)(ingPuns #GetIt )(ttps://cdn.imgc)(est.com/files/8dbf87da3a70.png
hot damn. yknowv, miss empress, i alvways had myself a little crush. used to listen in on you and lamescar getting it on. fueled my spank bank for perigees before i got my hands on my first stag mags. those vwere the golden days. miss those playdates, man. they vwere something else.
You don't know...? O)( my. )(ave you been busy wit)( duties? 38(
I t)(ink maybe you need to learn t)(e diffcurrents between inside t)(oug)(ts and outside t)(oug)(ts! Not everyfin needs to be s)(ared!
I understand completely! 38( It is so )(ard )(aving to bear t)(e weig)(t of t)(e crown. I )(ope you can find some reprieve.
nah, i think you needed to hear this. vwanted to hear it, evwen. lets face it, nowv that ivwe molted into a musclebound adonis in a svweet leather jacket, theres no reason for you to deny vwhats alvways been in your pumper, mother grub.
O)(? I wasn't aware you were ALSO AN -EMPR-ESS. Is t)(at w)(at you mean by understanding? 38)
you look like a soccer mom's idea of a bratz doll. its like you were caug)(t candid fis)(in in t)(e sc)(ool lake after t)(e pta meetin. eart)( 2002 wants a fuckin word wit)( you, britney (( i love t)(e design! <3 ))
)(e)(e! Cute! You mig)(t want to repeat some affirmations for yourself since you seem to be coming from a place of insecurity in your pus)(er, Feferi! Surely you did not forget t)(e )(ards)(ips an )(eiress )(as to endure, no? W)(ere is your empat)(y and kindness? 38?
T)(is pailing season, if you findeed are on a version of Beforus experiencing pailing season rig)(t now, I would also like to remind you t)(at culled trolls are NOT R-EQUIR-ED, and in some cases W)(OLLY IN---ELIGIBL---E for pail contributions! You poor t)(ings )(ave so muc)( trouble in your lives as it is, we wouldn't want you to )(urt yourselves attempting to fornicate!!! If YOU are a troll current-ly undergoing culling, w)(y not kick back and reelax for a w)(ile? T)(e rest of us can take on t)(e difficult task of adding to t)(e gene pool finstead! <3 #NSFW #PailingSeason
I've alwaves appreciated t)(e findomitable lowblood spirit! But asexual means you're uninterested anyway, yes? Instead of causing yours)(ellf undue anxiety at t)(e scary prospect of needing to fill a pail, you s)(ould find more fun ways of occupying your time!
There is no anxiety you fllatfinned witch. Im gonna do it WHILE performing a stunt.
I am aware. I am simply ensuring all 6ases are c9vered. I'm currently drafting a l9nger-f9rm essay 9n the matters raised 6y this p9st, 6ut t9 give a 6rief rund9wn: Firstly, the entire c9ncept 9f #culling is 9ppressive and stifling, and w9rks t9 er9de any s9rt 9f aut9n9my 9r capacity f9r independence - and c9nsidering this pred9minantly affects warm6l99ds and th9se 9therwise c9nsidered 'incapa6le' 9f caring f9r themselves, it results in an entire s9cial class 6arred fr9m participating in s9ciety with the same freed9ms as cullers. It r96s them 9f the chance t9 realize their 9wn dreams and am6iti9ns, and ensures the structures 9f #9ppressi9n remain intact when their v9ices can simply 6e sh99shed away. Sec9ndly, that th9se culled are at 6est disc9uraged and at w9rst c9mpletely 6arred fr9m c9ntri6uting t9 the genetic slurry (#nsfw #repr9ducti9n #pailing) ensures that their genes 6ec9me under-represented in the p99l, and thus inevita6ly results in c9ld6l99ds having infinitely m9re d9minance 9ver it. The insinuati9n 9f c9urse is that this is ideal, that warm6l99ds and th9se less-a6led have genes that are in s9me way less desira6le than that 9f the c9ld6l99ds, which I sh9uld n9t have t9 tell y9u is a gr9ss and insensitive stance t9 take 9n the matter. T9 cullers, an 9ff-spectrum individual like myself is little m9re than an undesira6le m*tant t9 6e made d9cile and unparticipat9ry in 9ur s9ciety as a wh9le. I, myself, ch99se a celi6ate lifestyle; whether 9r n9t I am 'all9wed' t9 pail d9es n9t materially affect me. H9wever, I (and th9se such as I) sh9uld have the freed9m t9 ch99se f9r 9urselves. As the empress, 6ef9rus l99ks t9 y9u f9r guidance. As the empress, y9u sh9uld take care n9t t9 end9rse and adv9cate f9r these t9xic systems. I impl9re y9u t9 d9 6etter.
T)(at's dangerous. 38( It makes your S)(ep)(erd sad to )(ear t)(e risks you are putting yours)(ellf t)(roug)(! You said previously you were dead, yes? Maybe I need to put out anotter call for a volunteer culler in t)(e afterlife!
)(ow well-written and articullate of you! I'm so proud of )(ow well you are able to put toget)(er an argument!!!
Does your -Empress often make you feel disrespected? T)(at wasn't my intent! 38( Your feedback is just as valuabubble to me as anyone else's!
...I endeav9ur t9 ensure my w9rds are as effective as p9ssi6le. H9wever, praise al9ne d9es n9t fix systemic issues.
You are everyt)(ing I )(ad )(oped to be as a ruler! T)(ank you for taking care of your lovely nation!
S)(ep)(erd Constern's Friendly Reminder of t)(e Day: Don't forget, YOU are a reefpresentative of your -Empire! Anyt)(ing you say online is a reeflection of t)(e values of t)(e kind and benevolent world t)(at raised you in its loving embrace, so )(onor your Beforan )(eritage by keeping your finternet presence w)(olesome!!! <3
Well said, Your Majesty. Send your descendant my 8est regards too ::::)
Of course t)(ey can! Propogation of t)(e species is V---ERY important and every good Beforan citizen knows t)(at!
D —> Yes my beautiful shining infallible Shepherd D —> This statement is so true D —> That one c001d even call it a truth nuclear device D —> Due to just how true it is
アタシは低血人です。そういうわけで、誰かに所有されたいの。高血人の良き妻になりたい。ペットとして飼って、性的に満足させてご褒美をください。アタシの乳首を優しく舐めて、気にかけてくれてることを示して。献身的な奉仕によってその地位を勝ち取るつもり。考えるだけで、アタシのクリがゾクゾクする。帝国万歳。 #nsfw
T)(at's t)(e spirit! I )(ope you find a )(ig)(blood to treat you nicely one day! 38)
S)(ello, everyone!!! Are t)(ere any deceased Beac)(foran )(ig)(bloods out t)(ere reading t)(is w)(o is willing to take on a culling assignment in t)(e afterlife? If so, please DM me! I )(ave a very precious little goldblood for you in need of some special care and attention!!! Alternians need not apply. T)(ank you!
D--> I see, you did not specify they were from Beforus. That makes sense then, people should stick to their kind after all. Carry on and my apologies for interfering.
Of course! I'm glad we could clear up your misundersanding!
D--> Then what is. I tr001y unable to find any issue with my original reply outside of that admittedly embarrassing lack of closer e%amination.
...Good question!! I bassumed t)(ere was only one. @twobulgeAtrocious Tuna, darling, w)(ic)( afterlife is it in w)(ic)( you reefside?
11D0N7 KN0WUH 8U88L3??/????? W417 1 55H0ULND7 73LL Y0U77H47. UPYY0UR3 N00K 15 WH3R3 1 4M 3H3HH34H4HAHA4H4
@circuitousTautology Crude jokes aside, )(ere's your answer!
iT'S THAT CULLING SUCKS BAD, oN aLTERNIA AND bEFORUS, tHAT WAS LIKE, tHE ENTIRE MORAL LESSON, cOME ON,
D--> I will admit I have not spent much if any time around our dancestors nor asked in-depth about what culling was like. But from what I have heard it did sound rather pleasant compared to our own definition of the term, although that is not a high bar.
i DO NOT WANT TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU MYSELF, fOR FEAR OF WEIRD NOISES BUT, nO IT MESSED AND MESSES PEOPLE, uP IS MY UNDERSTANDING, eVEN IF THEY REMAIN NOT DEAD,
D--> I see. Even so I do not regret suggesting the tolls I did, I have faith in them to recognise if a system is unjust and to decide not to follow it if they do. I cannot imagine any version of Karkat willingly tormenting another lowb100d, at least the ones that went through proper development at least.
...Wow, is s)(e STILL going? T)(at's embarracudassing. Some people would really bent)(icfit from t)(e gentle, loving touc)( of a culler to ease t)(eir woes. #Vagueposting
it aint no problem it just shows ya gotta mako up for sayin all sorta nonsense but good loch w that
O)(, RIG)(T!!! Silly me. 38P I nearly forgot t)(at you Altunaians turned it into somet)(ing so violent. T)(anks so muc)( for t)(e fis)()(eads-up! I would N----EV-ER wis)( )(arm on anyone like t)(at!
Well of course!!!!! Since you were so enc)(anc)(ovied by MY punnage t)(at you adopted t)(em for yours)(ellf, I )(ave to be a good role model for you! 38)
bitch i kno you did naut js say u invented ocean puns -E-ELMAO #sadasf #loser #lookatthisclownfishtrynaswimandsink
*Finvented, dear, please. If you're going to step to t)(e -Empress, you better put your best foot forward!
nah when im done witchu you gonna wish all i did was step on yo fins #violence
)(-E)(-E)(-E)(, keep telling yours)(ellf t)(at! I love t)(e conc)(findense!!!
For t)(ose of you w)(o missed it yesternig)(t: You are a lotus flower. 🪷 Let not)(ing and no one get under your skin. #Positivity
gosh! i don't think i get what that means.
lotus flower postin mig)(t as well be a fuckin drinkin game as t)(is rate
qand klike qa klotus rthrough rthe nmurk qwe astretch yupwards astarved dfor klight! qah, asuch hjourneys qwe nmust rtake!
⊹₊˚{ YESSSS, FINFROND <3 <> <3 <> }˚₊⊹ ࣪
As everyone gets busy wit)( t)(eir )(oles, I must reefmind you all to be careful wit)( t)(em! You wouldn't want to damage t)(e structural fintegrity of your )(ole by letting t)(e wrong person fall into it!!!
Anyways, )(ow is t)(e masquerade going? I'm a teensy bit too busy to come, but I )(ope everyone )(as SO MUC)( FUN!!! <3
I JUST T)(INK @ing me directly and t)(en being mad at M-E for some indecip)(erabubble reason is t)(e work of a true lunatic. But w)(at do I know!
finally, youre capable of a real t)(reat. i t)(oug)(t you were all soccer mom ap)(orisms and sad little passive aggressions, but i see now youve got a little bit more bite to you. s)(ow me t)(at real face, just a bit more...
meenah just knoww that no matter wwhat faux vvicious or vvillainous acts or threats you throww at me i wwill alwways look you in the eyes and say it is okay i forgivve you
FAUX VILLIANOUS FAUX VILLIANOUS?! )(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)()(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)()(A AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)( )(AAAAAA)(AAAAA)()(AAAAAAAAA)(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
im goin to fuckin castrate you. i'm goin to strap your body down and take a scalpel and systematically cut your c)(ittinous exterior into 1x1 meter squares. im goin to s)(arpen eac)( edge, of your exterior c)(ittinous caparace. like itty bitty little knives. and im goin to bury t)(em into your exposed, spongey dermis. im goin to bury t)(em superficially, but deep enoug)( t)(at every sinle last one of t)(em begins drawin blood across every part of your body. im goin to keep you alive to pipe t)(is blood down your c)(ute to c)(oke on it. im goin to sew your eyes open and stab your )(ands and finers down so t)(ey can move, feet bound. and im goin to sit by you and watc)(. im goin to pet your )(ead and wit)( unblinkin dedication, im goin to watc)( your sufferin unfold perpetually. you will be my goldfis)( in t)(is state, and i will take care of you by takin a random day to cut out a random organ to crus)( in front of your eyes and replace wit)( an artificial one. until you are not)(in more t)(an a mannequin dedicated to pain. until you are my toy. my toy. #gore #)(orror
take notes by t)(e way. because t)(is is )(ow an empress acts and instills fear. i want you to know- t)(at ive )(ad t)(e pleasure of doin t)(is to trolls before. trolls t)(at are my favorites. i want you to know t)(at wasnt a t)(reat. i want you to know t)(at is a promise to your moirail you cannot stop.
empress it is quite unbecoming to display ones heated sordid desire to hivvewwreck a beautiful pair of pale nobles wwith beautiful intertwwined destinies as it stands i must reject your callous and caliginous advvances as i can smell the lack of convvicting comin from your breath alternia stagnates under your rule as you perpetuate the same status quo of vviolence and ignorance wwhen you speak of beforus and its rule you are merely a cavve troll shouting at the glitter of the golden city outside its cavvern i do hope you find someone wwho understands you so you may groww and mature good day
t)(is aint caliginous. i am goin to straig)(t up torture you. )(e)(. so muc)( for forgiveness t)(o, )(u)(? fuckin petulant welp, s)(ows w)(at you get for your miserable yappin
my dear meenah you mistake me standing my ground and refusing to showw my belly wwith a hollowwness in my morality this is not the case or perhaps it is my forgivveness of your many many insecurities making you hurt me this wway likely due to your harsh upbringing and unfortunate care taking i so wwish i could havve guided your lusus to take better care of you in wwhat wwas so clearly a misguided and cruel wwriggler hood but please remember that wwhile i do forgivve you that does not mean i wwill ignore a threat to my life
stop sayin t)(at name. im not )(er. w)(atever stupid mental image you )(ave, t)(row it away. i didnt )(AV----E a lusus. i -----EARN-ED one, in COMBAT, against anot)(er fusc)(ia blood. i was forged t)(roug)( murder, bloods)(ed, and strengt)(. all of w)(ic)( you lack. conviction; let me tell you about conviction. you see me t)(reatenin you, you don't do /s)(it/ about it. you )(ave no sense of survival, no sense of actual self-preservation. you won't ignore it. ill make it so. no one ignores me, for long.
S)(ep)(erd Constern's Tip Of T)(e Day: If some weird )(oe tries to sandtagonize you in your mentions w)(ile you're just MINDING your ABYSSIN-ESS, it's best to just let )(er keep going w)(ile you go and do somefin better wit)( your time. S)(e'll get bored eventually. Like tiny barkbeasts, some people just like to yap and yap and yap until t)(ey tire t)(ems)(ellves out. R-E-EFM-EMB-ER: You are a lotus flower. 🪷
condy tip of t)(e day: imitation is t)(e most sincere form of flattery in t)(e face of fools w)(o lack t)(e resume and t)(e stature of ac)(ievement to back up anyfin t)(ey say ever remember: flowers are meant to be crus)(ed alongside dreams
cooL aS a SEa cUcUmbER~ thatS thE kinDa EmpRESS ya LikE to SEE!
W)(y, you're rig)(t. I AM flattered you'd imitate my Tip of T)(e Day! And on MY POST at t)(at!!! I really am a trendsetter. <3
i t)(ink im goin to slice open your finers wit)( your own finernails
STFUUUU
SO TRU-----E, M-----E! 38D We are Z------EN!!!!
Yawwwn! I'm not empressed. #T)(atsAn-EmpressPun #GetIt
O)(, please, I'm above petty squabbling wit)( my lessers. I t)(ink we s)(ould all just get along. 38)
i t)(ink you s)(ould eat your crown face up so you can impale your brain and confirm to us t)(at blood actually circulates enoug)( sufficiently for you to )(ave actual, meaninful t)(oug)(ts besides t)(ese sad, -----EMPTY platitudes of P-EAC------E AND FUCKING LOV-------E