♥ liked by @pliableDecadence
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「Second update: whilst I was sitting down and taking a well deserved break as I found myself covered in sweat with a terrible headache, I picked up the piece I found and I compared it to the windowsill. I have found that the piece is too thin. In fact, it seemed to go to the previous windowsill that we had to find a piece for. I perhaps lost my temper. And snapped the piece in half. I have no eloquent manner to describe the misery fallen unto me.」
BE ME. CALLIE BHORNE. TEMPORARILY. ONLY TO BROKER uNDERSTANDING. FROM YOuR FEEBLY uNWORTHY PERSPECTIVE. THEN LEAVE. TOuCH AND GO. AND REALLY. DO GO. ANY FuRTHER TOuCHING AND I WILL HAVE MY HANDMAID. ER. ASSASSIN BADBITCH. REMOVE YOuR OBSTINENT STuPIDITY FROM MY FuCKING NARRATIVE FACE. I WAS BORN ESPECIALLY YOuNG. HATCHING BEFORE I HAD FuLLY FORMED AND HAVING TO KILL MY HATCHMATE IN ORDER TO SHOW EXTREME PROMISE TO AVOID BEING CuLLED. "DAMN". ONLOOKERS SAID. "MY FuCKING GOG". OTHERS GASPED. IT WAS IMMEDIATELY APPARENT TO EVERYONE. AS I DEVOuRED THE SHELL OF MY SISTERS YOKE AND EGG. I WAS MEANT FOR SOMETHING. BETTER. SOMEONE. BETTER. SOMEONE. TYRANNICAL. I WAS RAISED BY HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY WHICH IS THE ONLY WAY TO BE RAISED CORRECTLY AND PITIABLY. A PHENOMENON SO RARE. AS TO ELuDE DOCuMENTED NON-ME PRECEDENT. FROM THE MOMENT I COuLD FORM COHERENT THOuGHTS. I WAS TAuGHT THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON OF ALL: THAT JuSTICE IS NOT BLIND. JuSTICE IS HuNGRY. JuSTICE HAS TEETH. AND JuSTICE LOOKS AN AWFuL LOT LIKE ME. AND HIS HONORDADBLE TYRANNY. I GREW uP IN A WORLD WHERE THE WEAK WERE DEVOuRED WHOLE AND ALIVE. BEFORE MY VERY EYES. AND I DECIDED AT MY PRECOCIOuSLY VERY YOuNG AGE. AS THE YOuNGEST PERSON EVER. CHERuBICALLY YOuNG. IN FACT. THAT I WOuLD RATHER BE THE ONE DOING THE DEVOuRING. MY FIRST WORD WAS "CONQuEST." I DID NOT CALL OuT FOR TEAT MILK. OR WHATEVER IT IS GRuBS EAT WHEN YOuNG. ACTuALLY. WHAT DO THEY EAT? WHAT. HOW DO YOu NuRSE AS A GRuB? PRIOR TO PuPATION? DOC. DOC SCRATCH. I REQuIRE CLARITY FOR MY METAPHOR. uPON FuRTHER HEARING. YuCK. I DID NOT REQuIRE CLARITY FOR THAT METAPHOR. MOVING ON. MY SECOND WORD WAS "SKuLLFuCK." MY THIRD WORD WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE "MORE" OR "AGAIN" OR "YES." I DO NOT REMEMBER BECAuSE I WAS BuSY BEING EXCELLENT. AND SELFLESSLY DEVOTED TO OTHERS. BuT ALL OF THAT CHANGED. WHEN I WATCHED POWERLESSLY. OR. SLIGHTLY LESS POWERFuL. LIKE. ONE OF MY TEETH WAS RIPPED OuT. AND A LEG WAS DISABLED. GuTS BERSERK STYLE. AS I LOOKED ON IN TERROR. AS MY ENTIRE CASTE. OF FELLOW LIMEBLOODS. WERE MuRDuRED. BEFORE MY VERY EYES. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME. MY TRIBE. OF BHORNES. MY ANCESTRY. CALLED OuT TO ME AND SuNG IN MY VEINS. I SPROuTED MY WINGS. WITHOuT GOD TIER. I SCREAMED. A VAST. AND VISCERAL EXPLETIVE. FOuND RIPPLING THROuGH THE COSMOS. FOREVER. CARRYING THE RAGE. OF CALLIE BHORNE. AND I CRIED TEARS OF BLOOD. BuT THEY WERE RED. MY PEOPLE'S COLOR. OF COLOR OF TRuE SuFFERING. SIGNLESS. AT FIRST. BuT SOON THEREAFTER. CAuSE FOR ALARM. FOR THIS WAS NO ORDINARY MuTANT RED BLOOD INCIDENT. IT WAS. THE COLOR. OF HAVING ACTIVATED. EMPEROR LORDLING TIME. AN OP ABILITY. IN WHICH CALLIE BHORNE. CHANNELS. CALLIE OHPEEE. THE ALTER EGO. THE SISTER HE KILLED. I MEAN. HATCHMATE HE KILLED. WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE. AND NEVER LEAVES HIS SIDE. FOR A PROCESS. BY WHICH HE DRAINS HER AFTERLIFE. WHICH IS FOREVER. AS ALL AFTERLIVES ARE. ESPECIALLY FOR TROLLS. WHICH SHE IS. SO IMAGINE THE SuCK POTENTIAL WHEN HE REALLY GETS GOING. ANYWAYS. CALLIE. SIPHONS HER IMMORTALITY. SHIFTING HIS CLASS. FROM PALADIN. TO PALADAMNATION. ALLOWING HIM TO uSE ALL OF HIS ABILITIES. AT 100% MAXIMuM EFFICACY. 100% ELIMINATION. OF EVERY THRESHECuTIONER THERE. NONE SuRVIVED. I WAS BAPTISED ANEW. IN THAT BLOODSHED. I CAME OuT OF IT A CHANGED. AND OCCASSIONALLY REDDER. TROLLIAN MAN. I SWORE MY OATH NOT TO SOME PATHETIC GOD OR SOME WORTHLESS CODE OF HONOR. OR REALLY BIG SWEATY FuCKING STuPID ANIMAL. LIKE THIS SYSTEM. REFERENCE DOCuMENT SuGGESTS. HABITuALLY. I SWORE MY OATH TO MY FuTuRE SELF. THE SELF THAT HAS ACHIEVED EVERYTHING. BECOME EVERYTHING. THE SELF THAT HAS CONQuERED ALL. THE SELF THAT SITS uPON A THRONE OF BONES BEFORE RIVERS OF BLOOD AND BOuLEVARDS OF BROKEN DREAMS AND LOOKS BACK AT THIS MOMENT AND SAYS "YES. YOu WERE RIGHT TO BE SO RuTHLESS. YOu WERE RIGHT TO SHOW NO MERCY. YOu WERE RIGHT TO EAT ALL THOSE PEOPLE. YOu REALLY DID THAT. WAY TO GO. STuD." THE SELF. THAT IS ALREADY THERE. WHO SMILES AT ME. I SMILED BACK. BECAuSE THAT IS WHAT PALADINS OF CONQuEST DO. WE DO NOT PROTECT THE WEAK. WE DO NOT HEAL THE SICK. WE CRuSH THE WEAK AND WE END THE SICK BECAuSE THEY ARE FAILuRES AND FAILuRES DESERVE ONLY ONE THING: TO BE STEPPED ON. TO HAVE THEIR CONTAGION CONTAINED. TO HAVE THEIR SICKNESS ROOTED OuT. AND TO BE QuARANTINED. TO THE AFTERLIFE. WITH MY STuPID HATCHMATE. WHO WAS TOO WEAK TO LIVE. THIS IS CALLIE BHORNE. THIS IS YOuR GOD. EVENTuALLY. HERE SPEAKING TO YOu NOW. YOu ARE WELCOME. @handMaid @docScratch @affableCantor @glitteringAcuity @deathlessDeadwood @woeGothic @archiveAddict @caligulasAquarium https://i.ibb.co/R4H9qqxF/image.png
AS CRUEL, MALIGNANT FATE WOULD HAVE IT, MY JOB CURRENTLY AFFORDS ME ALL THE TIME IN THE FUCKING WORLD. SO YEAH, I'VE GOT TIME FOR AN ALL-TIME STANWAR. I DON'T PRETEND TO THINK I CAN TOP HER NUMBERS IN PURE STANLEGIONARY COUNT, BUT I'M WILLING TO BET THAT MORE THAN A HANDFUL OF CHUTE-KISSING ASSHATS ON THIS SITE WILL VOUCH FOR MY ABILITY TO PLAY EMOTIONAL TEKKEN. BRING IT ON, WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE.
:o/ Unfortunately I'm with Mr. Vantas on this one. There have to be SOME bleeding pushers amongst our battalion, hm? :o) May as well be us boys.
I HAVE RANKED PROFESSIONAL FEELINGS. YOUR FEELINGS ARE THAT OF A FILTHY FUCKING CASUAL WHO USES (ON YOURSELF OR OTHERS) ITEMS (LETHAL STABBING WEAPONS) IN A SKILL-BASED MATCHMAKING ALGORITHM THAT SETS YOU UP WITH #NOTHING BURGER OPPONENTS. WE ARE *NOT* THE SAME.
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「My coworkers are such strange people somedays.」
EVERY FUCKING DAY WITH THIS EMOTIONALLY STUNTED BITCH IS THE SAME. YES, INCLUDING THE ONE I'M CURRENTLY TRAPPED IN A TIME LOOP ON. IF A DERANGED LOONEYBLOCK ESCAPEE WHOSE SOLE ART FORM WAS GROWING TWISTED, SADISTIC, ENIGMA OF EMIGARA FAULT-LIKE BONSAI TREES IN SHAPES THAT ONLY SOMEONE WITH REAL, FOMENTING HATRED IN THEIR PUSHER COULD CONTORT, THEIR MAGNUM OPUS WOULDN'T EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE WRETCHED EMOTIONAL DEFORMITY THAT BELONGS TO MY MANAGER. FUCK YOU. YOU THOUGHT IT WAS ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT, @handMaid. BUT THIS POSTING WAR IS STILL GOING. https://i.ibb.co/JMcsTyX/image.png
SET UP MORE RUBE GOLDBERG DEVICES TO DROP BOOTS AT RANDOM INTERVALS THAT I'M NOT DIRECTLY PERCEIVING IN ORDER TO KILL MORE OF THE TIME ROACHES. SHOT B-ROLL PHOTOGRAPHY FOR SCRATCH'S FUCKLUDICROUS SCRATCH V. SCRATCH SPACETIME JAM BALL SMACKDOWN. AND WATCHED A STRAIGHT-UP FUCKLOAD OF MORONSLOP ACTION MOVIE THAT BEARS MORE LIKENESS TO "SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL 3D" THAN FUCKING *BULLET TRAIN.* MY REVIEW TO COME SOON. YESTERDAY WAS AN EVENTFUL DAY TO SAY THE LEAST. AND YET. AND FUCKING YET. WHY IN THE FRESH, FULMINATING FUCK DOES EVERY TIMEPIECE I LOOK AT *STILL* SAY 6/12?!
#COWORKEROFTHEPERIGEE. BY HTTPS://SARTORIALLY.TUMBLR.COM/
SEASONAL FOOD ITEMS AT FAST FOOD JOINTS IS TRULY SOME HORROR STORY SHIT AND I'M NOT FUCKING KIDDING. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I CAN ONLY GET HALLOUMI FRIES AT MCDAGGERS IN THE *SUMMER*?! OH, BUT ONLY FOR A LITTLE BIT OF THE SUMMER, CAN'T FORGET THAT! AND WHEN THEY'RE GONE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DEFAULT TO YOUR REGULAR ORDER WITH THE CHICKEN NUGGETS WE NEVER COOK ENOUGH BECAUSE WE HATE YOU SPECIFICALLY! THERE AREN'T ENOUGH WORDS IN ANYONE'S PERSONAL LEXICON, ESPECIALLY NOT MINE, TO DESCRIBE THE LEVEL OF SELF FLAGELLATION THIS FEELS LIKE. TO WALK INTO HERE, EXPECTING TO HAVE THE BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE YOU DID LAST TIME, ONLY TO BE DENIED YOUR FUCKING STICKS OF CHEESE. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T THEY MAKE THESE ALL SWEEP ROUND?! IS THERE SOME KIND OF ARCANE FEY CONTRACT PREVENTING THE SUPPLY LINES FROM REACHING ME? I MISSED THE LAST OF THE PROMOTION DURING MY MOLT, AND I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO WRAP MY SKULL AROUND THE DISAPPOINTMENT AND RAGE I'M FEELING. CONSIDERING BURNING DOWN MCDAGGERS HEAD OFFICES.
THIS IS THE ONLY TIME IN MY PROFESSIONAL CAREER I'VE EVER WISHED TO KNOW *LESS* BALL. BEGRUDGING RECHITT.
I would like to personally thank my Chalkbox for capturing my photograph in that intense recreational event. I, of course, have elite knowledge on many things. Ball included.
Diamonds Droog.
You’re listening to… Good Evening and Dawn for all you lovely listeners! We're wrapping up the shift for today here in Midnight City, and thought you all could do with something bluesy. We've got Reverend "Blind" Gary Davis with his song "Death Don't Have No Mercy." We think some of you may find it a relatable tune. Thanks for listening, folks! …Midnight City Jazz!
You’re listening to… Afternoon everyone! We wanted to do another showcase for Pride Month by playing another Count Basie song. This one is called “Straight Ahead”. …Midnight City Jazz!
You’re listening to… Special request from one of our listeners out there. We’ve got “Let’s Face The Music and Dance” as played by Nat King Cole here and this one’s for you, @downcastDaylight. …Midnight City Jazz!
... I'VE BEEN CHECKING THE CLOCK FOR AT LEAST TEN KARKAT HOURS, NOW. NORMALLY, I WOULDN'T COMMIT THE UNSPEAKABLE WORKPLACE BLUNDER OF LOOKING AT *ANY* TIMEPIECE IN THIS SAW TRAP MANOR, BUT SOMETHING KEEPS KNIFING ME IN THE WRONG THORASSIC PROTECTIVE BONE CURVATURE. IT'S 6/12. WHY IS IT STILL 6/12. IT CAN'T *STILL* BE 6/12. CAN IT?
⚇ Colors 35:3 ⚇ "And woe be to the Godless motherfuckers who sets they hand on my siblings. Woe be to the heretic who puts hurt on the pusher of the faithful. Woe be to the infidel, the apostate, the HATEFUL who don't understand that family means family. I'll hunt down every motherfucker who ever hurt you. I'll show them no quarter, offer no mercy, shed no tear for their pain. I love you, kin. Let that love be the blade that scours and the hand that chokes." ⚇ #MirthfulChittr #Clownposting #Scripture ⚇
I'M GOING TO CLOSE UP THE EVIDENTLY *GUSHING* TAP OF TORRENTIAL, PUSHERFELT *SAP* I'VE BEEN DISPENSING ALL DAY WITH THIS CHITT, JUST TO SAY ONE MORE TIME BEFORE I CRAWL INTO MY CUPE AND DROWN MYSELF FACE-FIRST IN SOPOR. THANKS, EVERYONE. @caligulasAquarium. @gutsyGumshoe. @lejayjaY. @arachnidsGrip#9137. @arsenicCatnaps. @bummelBoogie. @pliableDecadence. @centaursPeripherals. SAME FUCKING GUY, @carcinoGeneticist#4881. AND YES, EVEN MY SHITHIVE MAGGOTS COWORKERS, @taciturnTerror AND @handMaid. AND OBVIOUSLY MORE OF YOU, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO DREDGE UP EVERY SINGLE FUCKWIT WHO SAID FOUR WORDS TO ME, TODAY. BUT SOME OF YOU WENT OUT ON A FROND AND MADE AN EFFORT. AND THAT SHOULD MEAN SOMETHING, WHEN YOU'RE THIS FAR OUT FROM THE DAMN SPAWN POINT. I HAVE TO ADMIT IT. IT'S BEEN A GOOD WRIGGLING DAY. I THINK I'LL REMEMBER THIS ONE. "SO LONG AND GOOD NIGHT SO LONG AND GOOD NIGHT."
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「How are you all this fine light?」
The "homies" and I, well. Let's just say we've got an arrangement.
Making plans. Considering options. "Big Things" coming.
BEHOLD. FELT MANOR’S NEWEST AND SHINIEST STAR. A TROLL SO TRUSTING. HE NEITHER SHUTS THE DOOR TO HIS RESPITEBLOCK. NOR TAKES HIS PALMHUSK FROM THE STICKBALL TABLE. WHEN HE RETIRES FOR THE LIGHT. A TROLL SO SUICIDALLY STUPID. HE POSTS HIS MANAGER’S UPSKIRT SHOTS ON THE TIMELINE. A TROLL SO BRAVE. OR SO BRAIN DAMAGED. HE GETS IN A POSTING WAR. WITH A TIME TRAVELING MEGABITCH. FEAST YOUR BULBS. ON THIS BREAKING NEWS. JUST NOW. CAPTURED LATE LAST LIGHT. BEFORE HE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY. TO BUTCHER HIS BEAUTIFUL BISHIE HAIR. PRESENTING: CHALKBOX PLAYING WITH HIS #SUGGESTIVE BONDAGE NOODLES.
Diamonds Droog.
YOU'RE AN INSUFFERABLE SAP THE MOMENT SOMEONE FLICKS YOU ON THE SNIFFSTUMP, YOU KNOW THAT? OF COURSE WE ARE. IT'S YOUR WRIGGLING DAY, TOO. BECAUSE IN CASE YOU FORGOT, WHILE YOU WERE ENJOYING YOUR NEW POV AT AN ANGLE ADJACENT TO THE FUCKING MOON, YOU TOWERING FREAK. WE'RE STILL. #THESAMEGUY.
THIS IS THE MOST SELF AGGRANDIZING SELFIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY FUCKING LIFE. WHAT A TERRIBLE WRIGGLING DAY THIS HAS BECOME FOR ME- NOT ONLY HAVE I EXITED MY MOLT AND HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THAT HEINOUS BULLSHIT, I'VE ALSO HAD TO LAY EYES ON THE #SOFTKATSUPREME. I DESERVE FINANCIAL, EMOTIONAL AND GENERAL COMPENSATION FOR HAVING TO LAY EYES ON THIS SMILEY, BURNING-EYED BASTARD. DO YOU LAY AWAKE IN THE DAY STARING AT THE CEILING KNOWING HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING SITCOM CARICATURE YOU'VE BECOME? WHERE ARE OUR SICKLES?! OUR TRADEMARK GRIMACE? OUR FUCKING MIDDLE FINGER?! YOU CAN'T JUST SAY YOU'RE GIVING THE MIDDLE FINGER AND NOT GIVE ONE IN THE GOD DAMN SELFIE! THIS IS JUST LIKE HOW WE FIRST MET, DUDE, 1/10. THE ONE STAR ONLY GIVEN BECAUSE YOU AT LEAST HAD THE DECENCY TO DON THE TRADITIONAL VANTAS GARB OF THE SHODDIEST FUCKING SWEATERS IMAGINABLE.
THIRTEEN SWEEPS, PAINSTAKINGLY STACKED ATOP THE OTHER, SURVIVED ONE BRUTAL BILUNAR PERIGEE AT A TIME. HALF OF THEM ON A PLANET I WAKE UP AND GIVE THE FAT, FLAMING MIDDLE PRONGSTUB TO EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE, AND THE REST ON A DUMPSTER FIRE OF A WORLD OF MY OWN "CREATION." ONLY SOME OF THEM I WAS REALLY, TRULY PRESENT FOR. THREE *THOUSAND* SWEEPS SPENT IN AN INESCAPABLE TORMENT NEXUS MEANT TO SAND DOWN ANY PROPRIETARY CONCEPT OF TIME I EVER HAD. WHICH I ESCAPED, ANYWAY. BUT NOT BEFORE IT SMOOTHED SOME OF THE HARD, JAGGED EDGES, TRY AS I MIGHT TO SHARPEN THEM BACK TO GANDERBULB-STABBING AND SPONGECASE-BLUDGEONING LETHAL FORCE. AND AS IF I COULDN'T PUSH THE INCREDULITY OF MY SHITHIVE MAGGOTS NARRATIVE ANY FURTHER, TWELVE SWEEPS AFTER THAT, IN A FAR-FLUNG PAST SO STUPID THAT IT'S LEFT INDELIBLE MARKS ON MY VOCABULARY. AND SOME UNCOMFORTABLE SKILLS TO ADMIT ARE CURRENTLY PADDING OUT MY RESUME. A FAT, MALIGNANT PILE OF GREASY BLACK TRASH BAGS IN THE RUSTING DUMPSTER OF MY PERSONAL HISTORY, BOILING IN THE OPEN SUN AS THE LOOMING MONOLITH TO MY EVERY GRUELING SWEEP OF MERCILESS LIFE DARKENS THE FUCKING SKY. SO AT THIS POINT? FUCK IT. WHAT'S ONE MORE? #WRIGGLINGDAY. (AND BEFORE YOU ASK, YES, I'M STILL IN THE FUCKING FELT MANOR. THIS IMAGE HAS BEEN *HEAVILY* DOCTORTURED TO RESEMBLE ANYTHING CLOSE TO EARTH-C'S NATURAL DAYLIGHT. BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND TO SEE ANY MORE FUCKING GREEN. I DECIDED I WANTED TO LOOK O.G., TODAY.)
⚇ Laughter 2:20 ⚇ "Listen listen listen, this motherfucker is SO fucking DUMB! HAW HAW HAW! Dumbass little brother mine waltzed on up to the counter at Little Cease Hers, and he's like 'you ain't put pepperoni on my flavor disc!'. Well you know how these places is staffed, its all lowbloods n shit who ain't paid enough to care. But we's highbloods so you know the lil' mustard was scared as SHIT. So motherfucker starts shaking and apologizing, and it sets off lil' bro's killing rage. He tries to vault the fuckin' counter, and the mustard fuckin' SPRAYS SAUCE AT HIM FROM A BOTTLE HAW HAW HAW! AND AND AND. HOLY FUCK! HE TRIES TO GET UP AFTER THE GOD DAMN INDIGNITY...AND SLIPS ON IT ON THE FLOOR AND FALLS OVER AGAIN! BAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! Ahhh...I had to cull the mustard, 'course. Can't let 'em think we ain't united. But DAMN, brother, you ain't NEVER looked stupider!" ⚇ #MirthfulChittr #Clownposting #Scripture ⚇
D--> This is a¢¢urate but la¢ks søme nuan¢e. Inđigøes while high-b100đs are nøt highb100đs, we resiđe øn the upper enđ øf the spe¢trum but ¢annøt ør at least never have attaineđ the title øf Highb100đ. ȼeruleans are alsø the purest enđ øf the miđb100đ hue rather than the løwest enđ øf nøbility.
⚇ awh this one's real easy. ⚇ anyone below purple is a lowblood ⚇ and anyone *above* is a fuckin' wader! ⚇ HOINK HOINK HOINK HOINK ⚇
wwell the terms are used kinda loosely an it depends on wwho you are trolls of vvery high blood sometimes evven refer to blue bloods as lowwbloods an sometimes trolls only use the wword highblood to refer to purples in my eyes any troll beloww jade is a lowwblood
I will not reveal all. But, ultimately, it served something greater I suppose.
Most reputable sociologenociders would agree that the cutoff of "low" to "middle" sits between gold and olive, seeing as the historic and extinct lime blood used to reside there and can serve as a divider, though there is debate that socially, olives should classify as a lowblood due to socioeconomic standings. The divide between "middle" and "high" is less clear cut, and more highly debated. Many would say the divide is cerulean and indigo, but some believe that cerulean and indigo are mostly equivalent in status, and the real divide rests between teal and cerulean. In short, sociology as a field is too wishy-washy to be *incontrevertible.*
⚛︎_vFr0m my rEsE^rch, I h^vE c0mE t0 thE c0nclusi0n this spEctrum is m0rE 0f ^ whEEl th^n ^ str^ightf0rw^rd huE shift fr0m End t0 End. ThE s0ci^l c0nstructs 0f 0ur spEciEs ^rE 0utd^tEd ^t bEst
The distinction exists to perpetuate hostility on Alternia as orchestrated by your employer.
I have always understood it to be Low: Rust, Bronze, Yellow, Olive Mid: Lime, Jade, Teal, Cerulean High: Indigo, Purple, Violet, Fuchsia.
:o) It is my favorite factory :o) All of my favorite women are there.
THE RUSTBLOOD FACTORY OPERATES WITHOUT CEASE OR FUCKING PAUSE.
EVERY TIME SOMEONE SPECuLATES. ON THE WELLBEING. OF ANOTHER BEING. I HAVE ONLY THIS TO SAY. MIND YOuR OWN. EVERYONE IS FINE uNTIL THEY ARE NOT. AND THE THEY ARE NOT PART. uSuALLY COINCIDES PERFECTLY. WITH MY DESIGNS FOR THEIR PREMATuRE EXIT FROM THIS LIFE. INTO THE NEXT. A PERFECT. DOuBLE MOBIuS LOOP. OF RECuRSIVELY INFINITE SuFFERING. BASICALLY. RANKMAID IS FuCKING FINE. NEVER BETTER. IF ANY HARM CAME TO MY ONEECHAN. I WOuLD BE BITCHING. HIMMING. AND HAWING. WAY LOuDER ABOuT THIS. THANKS FOR YOuR CONCERN. TONE IT THE FuCK DOWN. OR YOu ARE GOING TO SCARE. AND OVERWHELM HER. AND I WILL HAVE TO CLEAN uP THE SWEAT BuKKAKE. THAT COMES FROM HER NERVES BEING SHOT. OVER SOME OTHER SHIT. uNRELATED TO ME.
HOW IT FEELS. EVERY TIME SOME WORM. SLITHERS OUT OF THE WOODWORK. TO DISPARAGE MY #NONHOSTILEWORKPLACE. AND MY #EMPLOYEROFCHOICE. #GETBEHINDME.
:o) Good evening. :o) Have you ever felt as though you're being watched? :o) Have you felt your skin crawl with the sensation, only to whip around and find no one there? :o) Have you ever felt your fear spike in a dark hallway for no reason? :o) Have you ever sworn you saw a dark shape out of the corner of your eye, but nothing was there? :o) You should pay more attention. :o) You never know who's right behind you.
I dress better than @gratuitousAnnuity. Simployee of the Sweep. ((Art by SalTheFisher on Discord)) https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/dcc051404c1f.jpg
someone said they had a dream about a chittr slander video. so i have made one. #chittr-resident https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3KEm-aunY4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XOC5OjF09k
Good evening. I understand that a number of you have been enjoying yourselves. This is, by itself, neither objectionable nor surprising. Enjoyment is one of the more common responses produced by creatures who have not yet been given enough information. You are free to enjoy yourselves. You are free to speak, posture, flirt, boast, conspire, speculate, and reassure one another that the world you inhabit will continue to possess the kind of sturdy, friendly architecture that will support your little lives indefinitely. It does not. But please do not mistake this for a warning. A warning will imply that there is a possibility of useful adjustment. I am not here to spare you from anything. I am here to clarify the space that you are already standing in. There is a particular kind of silence that occurs before you notice the step missing beneath your foot as you swiftly descend. It is not the silence of anticipation. It is the small, private, impossible interval in which the body has already understood what the mind will only be permitted to learn afterward. Many of you are living in that interval. Some of you have noticed. Most of you have not. This is normal. You have trained yourselves to be comfortable in this unease. It is a malfunction of yours, a minor digestive complaint. A poorly slept night as a consequence of too much light from your screen, too little water, an unreturned message, an unfortunately phrased sentence, loose thread in your garment. You have become an expert at numbing yourself to the inconvenience of pain. You are excellent at sanding omens down into these inconveniences. You have, through long practice, become experts at failing to recognize the obvious. This, too, is not your fault. Fault is such a sentimental concept. It does the duty of imagining someone could do something different as well. I find it more useful to divide events into categories. Namely, two specific categories. The events that have happened, and those which are waiting for you. You may consider yourselves as peering into the second category now. You have all had the experience, I am sure, of entering a room and forgetting why you came there. An ordinary lapse. A charming defect of memory that you have delightfully left for me. For a moment, you stand in the doorway. Your expression is vacant, mildly embarrassed, and searching the empty shelves of your mind for any small errand that guided your body across the house. How funny it would be if that sensation were not a failure of memory at all. How funny it would be if the thought had arrived precisely on time, found you unprepared, and left again. How funny it would be if a great many of your forgotten thoughts were not forgotten, but removed. There is no need to check. You would not know what to look for. It is endearing. You may continue. The delightful thing about guilt is that it does not require accuracy. It only requires a surface to adhere to. Give a person a sufficiently polished mirror and they will punish themselves for the reflection. Please, take your time. Whether some small cruelty, embarrassment, weakness, or appetite has finally been noticed by someone with the manners not to mention it directly. I do not need to know every secret you have kept. I only need to know that the secret changed the way you sit in a room. I do not need to know what you regret. I only need to know that you have practiced the conversation in which you are forgiven, and that no version of it has ever satisfied you. There. You see how little is required? I assure you, it is. For now. Do not misunderstand me. Nothing dramatic is happening. That is precisely the point. What approaches you will not necessarily be dramatic. It may arrive as a mild correction. A misplaced object. An account you cannot access. A name said in the wrong tone. A door that should not be open. A reply that takes too long. A familiar person behaving with a degree of precision you cannot comfortably explain. A sentence you are certain you have read before. A sentence you are certain you have read before. A sentence you are certain you have read before. No, that was not clever. It was only accurate. You should be wary of accuracy. Many of you mistake it for precision. A sharpened blade my be precise, but tossed off target is inaccurate. I have always admired the talent people possess for continuing. It is nearly beautiful. And still, every so often, something slips. A gap opens behind the familiar. For half a second, you perceive the machinery. Then the feeling passes. The colors return. The conversation resumes. Someone makes a joke. Someone posts a picture. Someone says, with the immense courage of the doomed, that things are probably fine. They are not probably fine. You may dislike the destination. That is allowed. A character’s feelings about the ending are rarely consulted by the ending. Some of you will respond to this with humor. This is also normal. Humor is one of the more efficient tools for placing distance between yourself and recognition. A joke says: I have seen the blade, and by naming it ridiculous, I have made it less sharp. A charming superstition. Some will insist they feel nothing at all. These are often my favorites. There is a special vanity in numbness. The belief that a locked door is the same thing as an empty room. The belief that because the alarm is not audible, there is no fire. The belief that the absence of panic indicates strength, rather than a delay in the delivery of bad news. Fear makes you run. Discomfort makes you check. Check the door. Check the message. Check whether the light in the hall has always made that sound. Check whether the person you trust used that exact phrasing before. Check whether you locked the thing you remember locking. Check whether you are breathing manually now. There you are. Not frightened. Merely attentive. Attention is the beginning of obedience. You may object to that statement, of course. You may insist that attention is neutral. A tool. A faculty. A light one directs freely upon the world. Very well. Turn it off. Stop noticing. Stop rereading. Stop wondering why a post that contains no threat has begun to feel like one. You may stop at any time. I will not prevent you. That would be unnecessary. The most reliable compulsions are the ones people mistake for choices. I should also clarify that nothing in this post is hidden. There is no cipher, no acrostic, no delightful little trapdoor through which a clever reader may descend and discover the “real” message. That would be far too generous. Hidden messages flatter the audience. They imply that discovery changes the outcome. This is the real message. You are not missing something. You are noticing it. That is worse. A secret can be solved. A truth can only be endured.
Been a long night. Just listening to the sound of the city. And the background music. I think Caliborn manifested some sort of "four hours of dark jazz" into existence back at the tea party and it's been on loop in the city since. Haven't quite figured out where it's playing from.
FUCK. IT REALLY IS TWO DAYS UNTIL MY WRIGGLING DAY, ISN'T IT. I HAVEN'T HAD A FLEETING, EXASPERATED MOMENT TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. I'VE BEEN FUMIGATING THESE STUPID TIME ROACHES EVER SINCE I GOT PUT ON OVERTIME FOR THE MAIDJAILBREAK INCIDENT. WHICH IS GRADE-A BULLSHIT, BY THE WAY. THROW ME IN A STUPID, IMPOSSIBLE PROBLEM, YOU'RE *GOING* TO GET A STUPID, IMPOSSIBLE SOLUTION. AND THE TIME ROACHES ARE ONE OF THEM, BECAUSE THEY BREED EVERYWHERE BUT THE PRESENT AND YOU NEED TO FOG-BOMB BOTH THE PAST AND FUTURE SIMULTANEOUSLY. AND I'M STILL TRYING TO CONVINCE PAST KARKAT TO PUT ON A FUCKING RESPIRATOR. I'LL GIVE IT MORE THOUGHT LATER. FRANKLY, I'D TAKE A CUPCAKE, A CIGARETTE, AND AN EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT RENEGOTIATION. DON'T BOTHER EVEN WRITING ME A CARD.
YOU I THINK I LIKE YOU :D
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/8bb3ccc308ab.gif :o) #Workposting #Bossposting #Worship #DarkCarnivalCometh
AND RIGHTFuLLY SO. LET NOT THE MEANDERING NuISANCES OF SuCH KNuCKLE DRAGGING CAIRO PELT WEARERS OR THEIR FLASHY TYRANT TANTRuMS. DuLL YOuR MIND TO THE CLARITY OF YOuR PuRPOSE. YOu ARE MINE. YOu ARE MINE AND YOuR FATE IS AS SEALED IN CERTAINTY AS THE DEATHS OF ALL HERETICAL ANNOYANCES WHOSE BLISSLESS BITCHMADE EXISTENCES ARE PERPETuATED ONLY BY THE GROPING OF COAT TAILS WHICH ARE FAR BETTER SuITED TO ME. AND SNATCHED BACK SO AS TO SHROuD A MODEST WARMTH. OVER MY CADRE OF CHuCKLEFuCKS. WHO WILL HAVE ETERNITY’S SPAN. AS LAST LAuGH.
:o) I have to imagine He has something nice to say about you specifically, Miss Helilo :o) He is your Lord too, after all.
:o) I do not understand people who say 'Gog'. :o) This was a hyperspecific inside joke used by a select few people in one session :o) I should know. :o) I researched them thoroughly. :o) It is always fun to watch the lives of others. :o) You almost start to believe that you are :o) 'One of the gang', as it were. :o) Even if they never know you are there. :o) Watching from a vent. :o) Or perhaps in the distance on a planet. :o) But do not worry :o) I am friends with each and every one of you. :o) Watching you, especially, was incredibly fun.
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「I often find myself having the strangest dreams. Today I took a nap and had a dream involving a really big centipede. I believe an older man was throwing them at me in a desperate attempt to reclaim his younger glory. After I beat him and yelled at him a couple times to leave, another man came out from the wall and went 'Yo could you quiet down a bit my mums are sleeping'. So I apologized. I then woke up.」
〔•෴•〕 < Hey there, kids! What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? DAM! / *yuck, yuck!*
Now that I'm here, did you hear about that "Butter" fellow? Nevermind, I better not spread it! / *yuck, yuck!*
Howdy there, kids. One of my kids set me up on here. /*yuck, yuck!* You can call me Pawpaw and to introduce myself, I leave you with a riddle... What do you call a walrus in a tuxedo? A TUSK-EDO! / *yuck, yuck!*
In my standing on street corners letting by coat billow era.
Having the ability to see your potential employer's social media posts is a dangerous thing.
Looks like my initial interview went well.
Diamonds Droog.
Holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck. That body of yours is absurd. https://i.imgur.com/Es66TtY.png
Diamonds Droog.
#VAGUECHITT.
Hey everyone! I guess you'll have heard it here first. @carcinoGeneticist#4881 has finally started his molt, which means he's going to 8e off chittr for a 8it! This means instead of getting fresh food reviews, you'll have to get your fix for a random "Creator's" opinion from another source........ me! That's right! I'm going to 8e spending this 8ORING AS HELL molt diving horns first into his dusty human game collection, as well as tackling a few rom-coms that we haven't had a chance to watch together. Watch this space, as they say! It'll 8e under the tag #SerketReviews !
:o) You might think me lacking in hobbies since my life is so utterly devoted to the worship of my Lord. :o) But this would be incorrect! :o) I am quite fond of gardening, you know. :o) I like to think I have quite the green touch stub :o) Considering how difficult it is to do an activity that requires lots of waiting :o) In somewhere as temporally displaced as the Felt manor :o) But with lots of watering, love, care and prayer :o) Even the most stubborn of plants can be reared.
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「I'm watching The Summer Games Fest.」
Diamonds Droog.
STATUS UPDATE: I HAVEN'T MOLTED....YET. THE PAINS ARE GETTING EXTREMELY BAD SO I CAN'T IMAGINE IT'LL BE MUCH LONGER. A DAY, MAYBE? TWO? HARD TO SAY WITH THIS BULLSHIT ESPECIALLY SINCE THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED I FOUGHT IT OFF FOR WEEKS. DON'T DO THAT BY THE WAY, MY PIECE OF SAGE ADVICE TO YOU, THAT SHIT SUCKED SEVERELY. I THINK I KNOW THE FIRST THING I DO WHEN MY COCOON CRACKS AT LEAST, PROVIDED I ACTUALLY REMEMBER TO DO IT. I'M GOING TO DO A FOOD REVIEW. STAY TUNED, I KNOW YOU ALL LOVE LOVE LOVE THOSE CONSIDERING HOW I USUALLY HAVE A LITANY OF EARTH-C'S NEXT TOP COMEDIANS IN MY COMMENTS SECTION WILING AWAY THEIR PRECIOUS HOURS ALIVE ARGUING WITH A HEMOANON ON THE INTERNET. REAL SMART MOVE, BY THE WAY. YOU GOD DAMN SMOOTH-PANNED SYCOPHANTS. AND YOU *ARE* SYCOPHANTS, BY THE WAY. YOU WOULDN'T ENGAGE WITH ME SO READILY IF IT DIDN'T FEED SOME KIND OF SICK PERVERSION YOU HAVE TO ARGUE WITH A '''CREATOR''' ONLINE. JUST KNOW THAT I SEE THROUGH YOU. WELL THAT'S ABOUT IT, I GUESS. FUCK THE WORLD, MY FINAL MESSAGE. GOODBYE.
CLOSING STATEMENT! my business card is in pinned bye
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「Forgot to post it. https://files.catbox.moe/g1gii5.png」
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「This is signed by handMaid "HELLO. HELLO. MY MAIDLING. DOORCHUD. DOORCHAN. I'M TAPPING MY TIN CUP. ON THE BARS OF MY CELL. BEGGING SLUTTILY. FOR THE DOORMAID BACKROOMS REVIEW. TO BE SLIPPED THROUGH THE GAP. AND DOWN MY NEEDY THROAT. AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE. WHAT DID YOU THINK. " If you are need of my Backrooms Review so badly I can get it out for you sooner rather than later, it's a little difficult working it out but once it'll be long and a bit heavy when I get it out, I'm not particularly dexterous in my handling of large things so it'll be slow., so I hope you can consume it well in that casse. I'll have to do a spoiler review. . "ALSO. DO YOU PREFER CHALKBOX WITH THE BISHIE HAIR. OR NORMAL. I'M TRYING TO PROVE SOMETHING TO HIM." Bishie Hair. It's quite the nice look on him. #suggestive? #nsfw?」
IN LIEU OF A BETTER LIFE-UPDATE CHITT, ESPECIALLY GIVEN THAT MY "LIFE" IS A LOOPING TORMENT NEXUS OF CLOGGED LOAD GAPERS AND MILDEW-ENCRUSTED TILES, I'LL JUST SAY THIS. I STILL HAVEN'T CUT MY HAIR, YET. THERE. ALL YOU SICK, OPINIONATED FUCKS WHO WANT ME TO KEEP IT DON'T HAVE TO MOURN ANYTHING, YET. I'LL SEE HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT IN A FEW WIPES.
Ah— Sounds interesting—
c< i feel liKe i gOtta watcH it a cOuple MOre tiMes 2 really uNderstaNd it, but, i alsO feel liKe ill Never get it, at least NOt fully >c
What movie was it?—
c< it really is a great MOvie, still Has Me tHiNKiN, persONally.... i MigHt watcH it agaiN, 2 be HONest >c
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「Perhaps I can open a kissing booth. Do 50% off for girls because of Pride Month. Or whatever. I don't know, I'm just saying shit.」
Happy Pride—
If you happen to find yourself within my gaze, know that you are no more important than a blade of grass in my vast meadow. This is not meant as an insult. A blade of grass is still a thing of purpose. It bends, it drinks, it grows exactly as far as its conditions allow. It contributes its green insistence to a much larger image. This image is of a scope you will never comprehend. Yet, I would be remiss to say that the picture would be complete without you. You have each, in your own charming and fundamentally limited way, provided a point of color. A tremor in the field. A rustle worth noting. Some of you have responded to my attention with panic, others with flattery. Please understand that being followed on Chittr.ing does not equate to a summons, a judgement, or an invitation to importance. It exists solely as a reminder to you that, for the briefest of moments, you are visible. I invite you to enjoy this distinction as calmly as possible.
c< wOuld aNyONe sHOw up if i did a HyperbeaM wHere we listeNed aNd aNalyzed My favOrite albuM? >c
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「I miss Rankmaid.」
THIS WILL BE THE FINAL ADVERTISEMENT. THE FINAL. FUCKING. ADVERTISEMENT. UNTIL I START ACTUALLY SENDING OUT THE LINK. TONIGHT AT THE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY CINEMASSACRE CLUB, WE WILL BE WATCHING MY FAVORITE FILM. MY FAVORITE. FUCKING. FILM. THE 2009 SPONGE-BENDING PANFUCK ROMANCE OF ALL TIME, MR. NOBODY. I'M GOING TO GIVE A BIT OF A WARNING WITH THIS ONE. IT'S DENSE. IT'S SERIOUS. RATED R MOSTLY FOR SEXUAL CONTENT AND SOME EMOTIONALLY ABDOMINAL SAUSAGE-RENDING SCENES, BUT THE REAL THING YOU NEED TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT IS THAT IT'S A HUMAN FRENCH FILM. IN ENGLISH, BUT IT STILL READS LIKE A HUMAN FRENCH FILM. SO BE WARNED. THIS SHIT GETS WEIRD. TENTATIVE START TIME IS AT 5 PM PST [PLACIDIC STANDARD TIME] *TODAY.* SOME OF YOU HAVE ALREADY RSVP'ED LIKE A RESPONSIBLE PACK OF FUCKWITS, SO YOU'LL BE RECEIVING PRIORITY INVITATIONS. AFTER THAT, THE LINK GOES OUT TO THE PUBLIC. MY HUNDRED-SWEEP NAP IS OVER. AND STOP ASKING ME WHETHER OR NOT I'VE CUT MY HAIR, YET. #ABCC #WATCHPARTY #MRNOBODY
We should elaborate on Repiton over tea.
I have prided myself in my ability to provide hospitality as a host, butler, maintainer of all things, and so on for epochs. There has never been a point of existence in which I was the end-all be-all provider of all things comfort to the various beings within my orbit. Yet, in spite of my apparent pride in the services that I have always provided, there is a single known point of failure in my unending resume. However, it is a mar against my record I can not help but to wear more akin to a trophy than anything further. I have possessed a very peculiar tea set. It has existed longer than tea itself truly has. See, the history of Alternian tea sets is, naturally, a history of power across various lands. The very first tea sets, earliest in existence, were not ceramic, porcelain, bone-glass, nor any of the other fussy materials lower castes would cover in eventual imitation. They were crafted of chitin. They were harvested from the shells of defeated lusii and their armored dead, and then polished until they held a dull black sheen. This was a primitive luxury that displayed the natural need for elegance the Alternian Trolls would all eventually strive for. The first cup was not offered to a guest. It was displayed to an enemy, so that they might understand the luxury with which their remains would be handled. As Alternian society stratified into cruelty, the tea set became a caste language itself. Rust and bronze households used clay, tin, salvaged metal, often mismatched and chipped. The repairs were visible. Goldbloods factored electrified samovars, which killed enough dinner guests to be considered more gauche than impressive. Olive and jade bloods were known for more restrained herbal, medicinal, or ritualistic teas and matching sets of equal valor. Teals developed the code of conduct and tea rituals that would eventually be passed to their higher casted overlords, while practicing with stone mimicries. Ceruleans were the first to make etiquette predatory. Their cups were shallow, reflective, and difficult to hold without fully utilizing one's hands. Indigo bloods used heavy materials of rarity to show off their craftsmanship and ability to utilize their natural resources to engineer something worth drinking from. Often, these devices had a secondary utility of combatting their apparent foes. Purple bloods never did catch onto the elegance of the theater. Rather, they maintained bone cups and goblets all through out. Stacked tiers of sets often had hidden compartments, belts, and inane pouring rituals to phish for interlopers. The spouts of their pots often had three individual holes to represent the Twin Messiahs and the Self. Violetbloods changed everything. Among sea dwellers, tea service was never about conversation. It was dominion manifest as a series of delicate objects. Their sets were expansive, lacquered, enamel, with inlaid shells and a series of specialty implements. They had invented tongs just for cubes of sugar. Knives were used for their citrus. Communal needles existed for poison testing next to the spoons of caviar. One particular noble had incidentally left a small fork in his tray. It became tradition to cull those who deigned to attempt to identify its purpose. Everything was arranged intentionally. Every guest fit in as demanded. Fuchsias, of course, used as they pleased. Often intending to contradict the previous generation. The modern Alternian tea set, as understood by collectors, is a domestic object as well as a social threat. The cup is rank. A saucer exists to attain permission. The pot indicates who is in control of the conversation. The presence of additional pots may imply alliance, seduction, betrayal, whatever the host requires. Context is key. Fortunately, I am excellent with context. You may ask why this brutal civilization bothered with tea at all. Of course, the answer is always simple. Violence needed an excuse to be drawn out. The sadomasochist nature of Alternians lent itself to the theatrics of a ritual in which you may cull the troll sitting across form you for not recognizing the intentions of the Host. As opposed to the tea sets of Earthly delights, it does not welcome you. It is a symbol of your place in the host's orbit. This brings me to my personal endeavor. In a long-forgotten diplomatic pursuit betwixt myself and a previous ruler of Alternia, there had been an understanding betwixt myself, the Empress, and my Handmaid. The rustblood was not to drink from the precious set of ivory, carved from the tusks of a trunkbeast that had been gifted to the Empress by myself the sweep prior. Seeing as how the Empress failed to uphold the agreement to care for my beast, I was there to exact penance per our particular arrangement. Of course, I was aware of the inevitable fate of the trunkbeast. It was necessary to establish certain culture rituals during the 12th Perigee Celebrations. Although, you must understand I am a seer of all things, naturally. I understand when things will occur, and how they will occur. The exact why is not permitted necessarily, and thoughts may only be assumed and then subsequently acted upon in prediction. I, of course, saw the disobedience of the Handmaid. I had been dreading this particular act of rebellion. It was the first time she truly intended to strike out against me, and cause legitimate harm to my operations. As the astute among you may realize, she drank from the cup intended for myself. This was an insult to the Empress. Within a short period of time, I went from sitting on luscious down pillows to gazing at the end of a bident that surely could not cull me. Of course, in order to appease these rulers, you must act with some sense of concern. The Handmaid was left with the royalty for some few sweeps as they attempted virtually every method of torture they could upon her as penance. Yet, I know that she primarily dreaded her inevitable return to the manor where her actual penance would begin. No matter how often, or how greatly I scrub, the lip smear stays. This is a rather unfortunate mar against the tea set in general, and as the cup is intended for myself, I find the occasional hesitance in drinking from such a tainted piece. I do tend to still use the set, as it is symbolic as a reminder to those involved of the fragility of diplomacy. See, it displays my particular habitat over Alternia from the perspective of the plain pink moon. It was also a symbol of the first sense of true astrological comprehension from the Alternians. A step in the right direction. Or, as I have humorously mused to the host that night, a steep in the right direction. .
#NOWPLAYING.
I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING WHILE I WASN'T ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE, BUT I'M GETTING PRETTY CLOSE TO THAT NOW SO I GUESS I'LL MAKE THE CALL. I'VE STARTED GETTING MOLT CRAMPS. I COULD GO INTO MY COCOON ANYWHERE BETWEEN NOW AND NEXT WEEK SO I GUESS WE'LL SEE. POINT IS, IF THIS ACCOUNT SUDDENLY GOES DARK FOR A WHILE- THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON. I KNOW APPROXIMATELY 1% OF YOU (THE ENLIGHTENED PERCENTAGE) WILL MISS MY POSTS BUT DON'T WORRY, I'VE SET UP SOME DOMINOES THAT MIGHT HELP YOU BRIDGE THE GAP. STAY TUNED.
Practicing appreciation for the world by taking my time with a damn fine cup of coffee.
THIS. IS MY PET. I CALL HER. KITTYBITCH. SHE IS A DEVIL. OF THE TASMANIAN VARIETY. HER BACKSTORY. IS THAT SHE ATE ALL HER PREVIOuS OWNERS. BuT SHE COuLD NOT EAT ME. BECAuSE WE ARE COOL. KITTYBITCH. LIKE ME. ALSO KILLED HER SISTER. A KINDRED SOuL. KITTYBITCH. ADORES YOu. AND IF YOu DO NOT SHARE HER LORE. WITH AT LEAST ONE OTHER PERSON. SHE WILL APPEAR IN YOuR DREAMS. DEMANDING PETS. CuDDLES. AFFECTIONS. AND TREATS. SHE WILL EAT. IMMuNITY DOG. OR ANY MEANS. OF CIRCuMVENTING THIS EFFECT. ^ / \ ^ _,-~~~--~~~--._ ( \ / \ _,-' `.__ ( \_.---._/ ) ,' `-(_` -' `-. ) / "--.. \.' `/ , `-. : _ .-. _ : / ; : (0).oYo.(0) ; / ` \.-'V'"'V'-./ / ' \\^ ^// /\ / ' : : .-'\\^ ^// ; \ ; / ,' _.-`. `. : \\^_^// ; \ ; ;`. ,'~~-' `. `.`.`-.-' \ |_/ ; `. /-'/___.---. `-. `.`---. \ / | /____.---.))) `-. `---.\ \_____/ (____________))))\\\ `-.\\\\ \\\\
MY TRAuMA HAS LEVELED THE FuCK uP. AND LIKE NANOMACHINES. I HARDEN IN RESPONSE TO IT. uNTIL IMPERVIOuS ENTIRELY. MY TRAGIC BACKSTORY MAKES INEVITABLE A TRAGIC FuTuRE FOR OTHERS. SuCH IS THE LAW OF CAuSALITY. SuCH IS THE NATuRE OF MY EMINENCE.
I hate politics, I hate weird abstract gig economy bullshit, I hate readin' about this fuckin' Stock Market. I'm tangible, I'm physical, I'm /here/. I'm a guy with a fuckin' crowbar and I either do da job da normal way or I get the tommy gun and start takin' it through crime. If it ain't cold hard cash in my hand or cold hard cash in da bank, it just ain't real to me.
IF YOU SEE THIS POST MULTIPLE TIMES, NO, IT IS NOT ANOTHER FUCKING TIME RECURSION. BUT I *AM* CHITTING THIS FROM INSIDE OF MAIDJAIL. WHICH I HAVE RE-ENTERED. VOLUNTARILY. BECAUSE I NEED A FUCKING NAP, AND I DON'T WANT ANY FORCE IN THIS OR ANY UNIVERSE TO GET IN THE WAY OF THAT, RIGHT NOW. I AM CALLING THE ADORABLOODTHIRSTY CINEMASSACRE CLUB TO ACTION. YES. RIGHT AFTER COMING BACK FROM TROLL EDO. I NEED THIS. LET ME HAVE THIS. WE WILL BE WATCHING MY FAVORITE FILM. MY FAVORITE. FUCKING. FILM. THE 2009 SPONGE-BENDING PANFUCK ROMANCE OF ALL TIME, MR. NOBODY. I'M GOING TO GIVE A BIT OF A WARNING WITH THIS ONE. IT'S DENSE. IT'S SERIOUS. RATED R MOSTLY FOR SEXUAL CONTENT AND SOME EMOTIONALLY ABDOMINAL SAUSAGE-RENDING SCENES, BUT THE REAL THING YOU NEED TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT IS THAT IT'S A HUMAN FRENCH FILM. IN ENGLISH, BUT IT STILL READS LIKE A HUMAN FRENCH FILM. SO BE WARNED. THIS SHIT GETS WEIRD. TENTATIVE START TIME IS AT 5 PM PST [PLACIDIC STANDARD TIME] ON SUNDAY, 5/31. I'LL SET THIS CHITT TO LOOP A FEW TIMES IN THE NEXT BILUNAR PERIGEE OR TWO SO THAT IT GETS SEEN, AND I'LL SEND THE LINK OUT WHEN IT'S TIME. RSVP, IF YOU GIVE A SHIT. TIME TO TAKE A HUNDRED-SWEEP NAP. #ABCC #WATCHPARTY #MRNOBODY
SIGH. THANKS, CUEKEEPER. CUEKEEP. CUKE? NO, FUCK THAT. SIGH. THANKS, SERPAZ.
HOLY FUCK. HOLY FUCKING FUCK, THAT WORKED. I'M BACK. WHAT THE FEUDAL FUCK IS THAT MALIGNANT MASS OF TEXT UPLOADED FROM MY CHITTR PROFILE.
Continuing the history of Uesugi Karkat from the Nawashii era: Shortly after his dismissal from the realm of Grubuki theatre, the once again-titleless Uesugi Karkat sought to invest his amassed wealth. He was known for being particularly preoccupied with the sciences — specifically, horology, chronology, and astronomy. Though he was a deeply private person, he was known for being eminently fixated on the movements and arithmetic of the Green Moon. Some of his studies involved tracking its lunar phases, cataloging previous celestial events, and learning to predict the path that the moons would take in the future. However, this was still not enough to turn his liquid capital into stable assets. One day, a peasant girl from a distant, rural village appeared in the city, pleading for aid from anyone who would heed her. A vicious band of mountain bandits had been terrorizing her village and reaping its resources to the brink of collapse. However, no matter how many mercenaries and samuraisolators she petitioned for help, none came to her aid. When Uesugi Karkat encountered her by chance, it is said that he was seized with a sudden and immediate purpose, as if the recognition of her face alone were sufficient to declare his support. Furthermore, the Mikkaddo who had inadvertently led to the former Grubuki actor's disgrace was so deeply moved by this act of passion that he declared his support as well. By pledging his retainers, his allies, and his crosshairs to the cause, the Mikkaddo set out to help Uesugi Karkat prepare the village's defenses before the bandits' next raid, and in doing so, forged a moiraillegiance with the would-be rebel leader of such wholesome magnitude that its pale reverberations would be felt through time. Gone were Uesugi Karkat's demure robes. His lacquerware hair descramblers and false theatre horns were cast aside for armor and weaponry. Rather than wielding a sword or the era's rapidly developing firearms, the Nobushii chose to wield a simple, bespoke sickle of custom, apparently "nostalgic" design. As a gift from the Mikkaddo, it was forged by his personal weaponsmiths and equipped with a weighted chain concurrent with the sickle-based weaponry of the time. This weapon, whose name is translated into contemporary Alternian as "the See you Later, Dear Brother," is among the artifacts kept on display at the Uesugi Karkat Historical Preservation Foundation. After emptying his coffers to hire several capable warriors and miscreants found around the region, the Nobushii led a team of twelve total trolls to rally the villagers and fend off the mountain bandits. The battle was long, bloody, and deeply dramatic — likely because a former Grubuki actor had absolutely no way of being "normal" and "mundane" during any sort of armed conflict. This, however, would be the event to forge the moiraillegiance between Uesugi Karkat and the violetblooded Mikkaddo into an unbreakable blade of pure, pale dedication beyond all question of fidelity. When the battle concluded and the bandits were repelled, the village became an important hub of operations for the Nobushii and his small, eclectic warband. Though they would later separate and go their own ways, several of them — including the oliveblooded NEKOJITA and the bronzeblooded TOGYUSHI — remained together, unified by mutual beliefs in freedom and opposition of Imperial hegemony. The Mikkaddo, however, would later be seduced into the employ of a powerful East Alternian heiress, culminating in a conflict that would define the future of the East Alternian Restoration era and the enduring legacy of Uesugi Karkat, whose next title, the SHIKIKAN, would be his last. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/9fd47e8259d7.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/3b53fcf8c9d8.png #uesugikarkat
Continuing the history of Uesugi Karkat from the Onnagata era: The Pre-Restoration Troll Edo period of East Alternia was marked by rising agitation against global Imperial rule. This rising sentiment of rebellion (believed by many to be directly affected by rising rebellious philosophy begun in the West, though it is the view of this Foundation that such a political response was merely an emergent school of thought from a coincidental, equifinal era) surfaced in the culture of Grabuki theater through bold stories of rebellious, lowblooded heroes stirring unrest against what they saw as an oppressive regime. Such figures were often depicted under the restrictions of "hojojutsu," the method of rope-binding by which prisoners were publicly bound in such a way as to inflict pain, denote the manner of the crime, and ultimately humiliate the bound captive. This painful method needed to be adapted for the theater so as to present its actors in similarly degrading circumstances without rendering their prongs numb. Thus, the noble art of Shibari was hatched. A noble art that Uesugi Karkat, by way of learning from the various stagehands and Jadeblooded costume designers of the time, came to master. Behind the scenes, the famous Onnagata took on a more private persona. As the NAWASHII, Uesugi Karkat lived his stagely praxis by practicing his knotwork on his fellow actors — especially when they were unruly, poor in performance, or dared to question his taste in romantic poetry. So severe was his ire when spoken through the language of ropework that even trolls who believed themselves to be of likely higher caste than the hemoanonymous Onnagata surrendered to the chance to be bound so deftly. Shibari itself is, of course, a complex language. The arrangement of the knotwork can symbolize the nature of the captive's offense, the identity and status of the captor, the nature of the humiliation waiting for them, and even imbued emotion from the rope-master. It is in this language that the Nawashii also considered himself a romantic poet, and in doing so transcribed the rageful monologue for which he was renowned, the Akkuttai, into a shibari form that purportedly could only be experienced to be understood. Unfortunately, it could not last. The Nawashii's secret practice was eventually discovered when a wealthy seadweller of violet caste called the MIKKADDO, who wanted to see the Akkuttai for himself, drew unnecessary attention to this clandestine taboo. The famed Onnagata was forced to step down from his position at the Grabuki theater by the Mikkaddo's jealous kismesis, leaving Uesugi Karkat with a vast fortune amassed during his lengthy entertainment career, but no immediate future prospects. This aimlessness, however, is what would lead him to meander into a wholly new occupation — the NOBUSHII — and a militant style of leadership for which he would eventually be chiefly known. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/011ed0849dc2.png #nsfw #suggestive #uesugikarkat
Continuing the history of Uesugi Karkat from his courtesan era: The life of a courtesan had educated the Akatsuki in language, poetry, refinement, and performance before a small audience. The next chapter of his life would prepare him to perform in front of a large one. Chosen for youth, beauty, and the type of androgynous features that can be easily slanted towards femininity with a little cosmetic prestidigitation, the life of an ONNAGATA — a Grubuki actor who plays predominantly feminine roles — afforded the troll who would become Uesugi Karkat tremendous fame, recognition, and inordinate wealth for a commoner of foreign hatching. As a former Boiran, the Onnagata had already learned how to wear the feminine grace of a courtesan like a costume in the theater of the Trollshiwara red light district. It was for this reason that he was scouted to play one of the most prestigious roles in any Grubuki play — the leading female role of Aggaei Makkie in the play "The Florastalk of Troll Edo" — for which the character, a commanding, fiercely loyal, and deeply passionate high-ranking courtesan, spurns a wealthy, but abusive highblood customer to protect her quadmate in one of the most famous monologues of scathing, acerbic, pitch-black venom ever recited in Grubuki theatre — the AKKUTTAI. It was for channeling this performance with such peerless vitriol that Uesugi Karkat became one of the most famous Onnagatas of the Troll Edo period. Naturally, the life of a Grubuki actor means constant pressure. Rehearsal, training, perfection of one's craft. Many onnagata of the time preferred to live their craft vicariously at all times, adopting a female persona through which to hone their "method" in everyday life. This was not the case for Uesugi Karkat, who shed his many-colored persona when off the stage to don nondescript gray robes whenever possible. Yet the constant pressure of life in a Grubuki theatre troupe and his ability to navigate it with grace made him both a leader among his fellow actors and something of a popular figure with the stagehands who he commiserated with in the wings. It was from these stagehands, many of whom were well-versed in the art of securing props with ropes, fastening theatrical rigging, and tying elaborate, functional knots, that the famed Onnagata would learn one final skill from the world of the theatre — one that would lead to his secret life as the NAWASHII. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ee6014bb70e8.png #uesugikarkat
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「Good morrow.」
About to go "real sick mode".
Got to get my case notes in order. I've just kind of been jotting them down on whatever paper is close hand and leaving it as a problem for Future me. I guess I have to... retrieve my paper pieces.
Just saw a lotus flower turn back into a shouty gray text guy. The wonders never cease.
Let's not get too h8sty here, I think there might 8e some room for you to 8acktrack and NOT sound like you're threatening my........ Fuck it, it's an open secret at this point, my 8oyfriend. Not a gr8 look to 8e pulling out a rifle when a guy's just saying his piece! Trust me, I know a lot a8out looking 8ad when someone's just speaking their mind. A loooooooot. Don't join me on the side of 8eing the evil version of yourself already!
Just saw a guy become a lotus flower. I didn't know you could do that.
AT THE RECOMMENDATION OF A FRIEND I'M DECIDING TO BECOME A LOTUS FLOWER. I NO LONGER GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. BYE.
Evilness and general morality aside. I got introduced to this new coffee place the other day. Not really my scene, but they do a good macchiato.
THIS EVIL SELF SHIT IS SO FUCKING STUPID, AS IF MOST OF US DIDN'T SPEND SO LONG TRAVERSING THE BUBBLES THAT WE'VE OUTRIGHT *MET* THE WORST VERSIONS OF OURSELVES. HELL, I'VE SEEN THE WORST VERSION OF MYSELF ON THIS PLATFORM! WHAT WOULD 'EVIL KARKAT' EVEN ENTAIL? NOT LIKING ROMCOMS ISN'T AN EVIL TRAIT IT JUST MEANS YOU HAVE A STICK UP YOUR ASS ABOUT SOME SOLID GOLD MEDIA THAT YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN YOU INSIST ON POINTLESS PRIDE.
Evil Droog does not care too much about people knowing their name.
Evil Evil Nepeta knows how to read.
As far as posting trends go this may be the most inane one.
I think the evil version of myself is obvious.
CHITTR GOES SO FuCKING HARD. WHEN YOu JuST BLOCK PEOPLE YOu DO NOT LIKE. INDISCRIMINATELY. LIKE A SPRAY OF BuLLETS. INTO A CROWD OF SITTING DuCKS. LIKE IN HIT VIDEO GAME. DuCK CuNT. https://i.imgur.com/DVngyli.png
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「Greetings everyone. Hope you’re all well.」
Diamonds Droog.
>([woke up in sneakers i aint remember puttin on cuz i was ballin even in my sleep]
Much of Uesugi Karkat's early life is completely unknown. Due to his total hemoanonymity over the many sweeps of his time in East Alternia, it cannot be deduced what province, prefecture, or continent he hailed from before his sudden arrival in Trollshiwara, the famous red light district of Troll Edo. What remains consistent is this — he arrived as a foreigner who did not speak the language, seemingly fallen out of the sky and into the cart of a local brothel owner. The owner was purportedly so taken with his boyish beauty and gap moe tsundere personality that he immediately set him to work as a courtesan within his business. It was here that Uesugi Karkat was first referred to by his East Alternian title, the AKATSUKI. Under the strict tutelage of the other courtesans, he learned to dance, sing, play music, pour tea with delicately trembling wrists, feign laughter at unfunny jokes, and weaponize the nape of his nugstalk in the way that an anglerfish lures its prey into its abyssal maw. However, accounts from the other brothel workers say that he was too ornery and foul-mouthed to do any of these things without erupting with rage. He did, however, learn the local language with surprising acuity, and the courtesans were deeply impressed with his natural propensity for writing romantic long-form poetry. Furthermore, rather than selling his concupiscent services as a low-ranking courtesan was expected to, the Akatsuki was supposedly so renowned for his talents as a pale quadrant advisor and ashen mediator that guests of some of the highest castes in Troll Edo sought him out solely for his comfort and advice. No information on the Akatsuki's hemocaste could be discerned during this time, due to never once shedding his genetic material with any customer or courtesan alike. In fact, so preternatural was his ability to touch the pusher of a customer without ever shedding his kimono that within three sweeps, he had already reached the prestigious rank among courtesans of a Boiran (boy oiran), which offered him considerable wealth and empowered him with the right to turn away any offer made in poor taste, even if they were of a higher-blooded caste. It was due to this prestige that he was later discovered by his next wealthy benefactor, who was the leader of a troupe of Grubuki actors, and began his next career as the ONNAGATA. Attached is one of the most popularly sold woodblock-print wall scrolls of his likeness, titled "Delicious Fucking Shit," for the ambiguity of its referral to either the grub-tempura or the courtesan himself. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/17e0aad9aa46.png #uesugikarkat
Good luck at work—
The Uesugi Karkat Historical Preservation Foundation is a non-profit organization dedicated to researching and preserving all records, artifacts, cultural relics, woodblock prints, romantic poetry, and erotic wall scrolls belonging or related to the Pre-East Alternian Restoration era figure Uesugi Karkat. Founded in late 20XX many sweeps after the Restoration, it was determined that this historical figure warranted further inquiry when a lacquerware hair de-wrangler once belonging to the enigmatic figure during his courtesan era was scanned using material dating technology. The scan revealed a hollow interior to the de-wrangler which, when split open, contained instructions in both archaic East Alternian and the modern-day parlance on how to find and log into the Chittr account formerly belonging to the user @carbolicGalvanologist. This has led to a dramatic re-examination of his possible origins, one which has stirred controversy among Alternia's foremost scholars. This account endeavors to offer an authentic and evidence-based chronicle of the life of Uesugi Karkat from his mysterious appearance in the Troll Edo period to his death at the Battle of Fearoyama, rejecting the insufficiently substantiated and formally unrecognized theory of time travel as of this moment in the Foundation's deliberation process. Chitts will be posted from this account related to the numerous and varied arcs of this esoteric, hemoanonymous leader of the Pre-Restoration era. The Head Curator has decided that all information hereafter will be displayed in a quirkless format for legibility. DMs are for historical inquiry only. #uesugikarkat
OKAY. OKAY. EVERYBODY CALM DOWN. CHALKBOXKUN IS OBVIOUSLY HAVING A GREAT TIME. MAKING PROBLEMS IN HISTORY. FOR ME TO UNFUCK LATER. I HAVE TO HAND IT TO HIM. I DID NOT THINK #MAIDJAILBREAK WAS POSSIBLE. HE IS DEMONSTRATING A REAL. ENTREPRENEURIAL. GO-GETTER ATTITUDE. DEVELOPING NEW STRATEGIES. TO MAKE MY LIFE HARDER. ALL THE TIME. AND POSTING SICKENING FAIRY DUST REDROM BULLSHIT. TO MY ACCOUNT. FROM MY FOURTH WALL. TO PISS ME OFF. AND WHILE I'M HERE. LAVISHING UNDESERVED PRAISE ON MY MISSING UNDERLING. I WILL ALSO SAY. WOULD.
Diamonds Droog. Just a reminder.
caliborn-sama has been drawing with me for so long that ive lost track at this point i need to catch up with whats going on while ive been trying to teach him proper human male hand anatomy
:o/ Quite. :o/ We might have screwed the pooch on this one.
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「@scratchDoctor https://files.catbox.moe/rao5p1.png」
what the fuck happened to karkat!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO -- carbolicGalvanologist [CG] has lost connection to the timeline. --
ALL I HAVE TO DO. IS KEEP WORKING THE MAGIC. WITH MY FuCKING COMPuTER PENCIL. YES!!! DRAWING IS EASY. DON'T LET ANYONE EVER TELL YOu IT ISN'T. YOu WORK HARD. AND HONE YOuR CRAFT. AND IGNORE THE HATERS. uNTIL YOu ARE IN. "THE ZONE".
I'VE STARTED USING MY OWN METRIC IN A LIMP-FRONDED ATTEMPT TO TRACK *SOME* SEMBLANCE OF THE PASSAGE OF TIME *WITHOUT* REFERRING TO ANY OF THE EVIL FUCKING CLOCKS FESTOONING THIS HELLHOLE. IT'S AN INCREMENT OF MY OWN INVENTION. THEY'RE CALLED KARKAT HOURS. ONE KARKAT HOUR = ANY AMOUNT OF TIME SPENT DOING SOME BULLSHIT THAT FEELS LIKE IT IS *ACTIVELY* AGING ME AND ROBBING ME OF MY WANING LIFE FORCE. SO BASICALLY, ANY SHIT THAT MAKES ME OLD. LIKE THIS JOB. THIS JOB IS MAKING ME OLD. WE ARE FORTY-THREE KARKAT HOURS IN. I'VE SWEPT UP THE FLOOR. AS IN I'VE SWEPT THE ENTIRE FLOOR *OUT* OF THIS ABLUTION BLOCK, BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE SHE PUT ON THE BIGGEST BOOTS HER STUMPY LITTLE LEGS COULD FIT INTO AND STOMPED THE TILE INTO FUCKING GRAVEL. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REDO THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU TO DEATH. WRITING THIS CHITT TOOK AN ENTIRE KARKAT HOUR IN OF ITSELF. WILL UPDATE AS NEEDED.
LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT. LOOK AT IT. I CAN'T FATHOM HOW SHE EVEN GOT IT THIS BAD. NOTHING BUT SEVERE DECOMPOSITION COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE ABLUTION BLOCK INTO A STATE OF THIS MUCH GROTTY FUCKING PUTRESCENCE. THIS ABLUTION BLOCK HAS HAD A LONGER DAY THAN *I* HAVE. AND SINCE THE MOMENT I SET FROND IN THIS GRUBFORSAKEN GREEN LABYRINTH, I FEEL LIKE THE DAY THAT *I'VE* HAD HAS YET TO FUCKING CEASE. NOT EVEN THE LAMEST EXCUSE FOR A DAYMARE-INFESTED NAP ON THE LOUNGEPLANK DID ANYTHING TO UNFUCK MY SPONGE AFTER THE LAST GAUNTLET MY SUPERVISOR FROM HELL THREW MY WAY. LIKE I'M LIVING ONE LONG, CONTINUOUS WORK-NIGHT. NO TENS. NO THIRTIES. AND NO LIMIT WITHIN SIGHT OF HOW MANY HOURS CAN BE CONTAINED WITHIN A SINGLE BILUNAR PERIGEE. AS FAR AS I'M AWARE, KARKAT'S LONG DAY AT THE LONG DAY MANSION #KLDATLDM #NOTPUNCHYENOUGH IS AT AN ONGOING THIRTY-TWO HOURS AND COUNTING. AND THAT'S A BALLPARK ESTIMATE, BASED OFF COUNTING THE RINGS UNDER MY FUCKING GANDERBULBS. FUCK ME. I'M GOING TO WRING HER NECK LIKE A TOWEL. SIGH. LET'S GET THIS GRUBLOAF. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/FFAC10FCDC1F.PNG
Back on the Anthropormunicipality grind—
XDXD Another night filled with insomnia and doomscrolling over this gogforsaken night until my eyes finally close. XDXD
TWELVE HOURS. TWELVE. FUCKING. HOURS. THAT'S HOW LONG IT TOOK TO RESTORE THE DOMESTIC BOMB CRATER THAT THE @HANDMAID SO BENEVOLENTLY LEFT BEHIND FOR ME TO SOMEHOW ALCHEMIZE INTO SOMETHING RESEMBLING A HABITABLE NUTRITION BLOCK. AND WHEN I SAY "ALCHEMIZE," I DON'T JUST MEAN IT LITERALLY. I MEAN THAT NOTHING SHORT OF GENUINE FUCKING MAGIC COULD HAVE RESTORED THIS SMOKING RUIN FROM THE CATACLYSMIC POST-AFUCKALYPTIC STATE THAT THIS BLOCK WAS IN WHEN I CHARGED IN MOP-FIRST LIKE A LANCE-WIELDING CAVALREAPER BLASTING MY MIGHTY FUCKTRUMPET TO THE CLARION CALL OF BRUTAL, UNGLAMOROUS, SOUL-BLACKENING WAR. A WAR ON MESS. A WAR ON *ALL* MESSES. A WAR ON THE *IDEA* OF A MESS. A WAR THAT I, KARKAT VANTAS, THE CHALKBOX, RENOWNED LEADER OF THE LEGIONS OF THE MOST OBNOXIOUS, SHIT-SPEWING SLOBS IN THIS OR ANY UNIVERSE, HAVE MARKED BY STAKING MY BANNER IN THE FIRST GROUND GAINED. A GREAT BATTLE WAS WON HERE. A CULINARY BLOCK WAS FUCKED. AND I HAVE UNFUCKED IT. BEHOLD. SO CLEAN, YOU CAN SEE YOUR REFLECTION IN IT. AT THE RISK OF STARING AT YOUR UGLY MUG FOR LONG ENOUGH TO VOMIT ALL OVER MY HARD WORK, AT WHICH POINT I'LL BE THERE TO BEAT YOUR HEAD WITH THIS MOP UNTIL IT RECEDES INTO YOUR TORSO LIKE A SHELLBEAST BEING WALLOPED INTO MEEK, FABULOSO-SCENTED SUBMISSION. AND THEN I'LL CLEAN AGAIN, BECAUSE THE MESS MAY NO LONGER ENTER HERE. IT IS CONQUERED. IT IS GUARDED. IT IS GROUND THAT I HOLD. AND YOU CAN PRY IT FROM MY COLD, TWITCHING PRONGSTUBS. AND BY THE WAY, THE ONLY REASON I KNEW THAT IT HAD BEEN TWELVE HOURS IS BECAUSE I *ASKED* SOMEONE AFTER IT WAS OVER. I HAD TO NEARLY FUCKING BLINDFOLD MYSELF TO KEEP ANY VISIBLE TIMEPIECE OUT OF MY LINE OF SIGHT, LEST I UNDO ALL OF MY HARD WORK WITH ONE SINGLE RUBBER-BANDING GLANCE OF TIMELINE-DISRUPTING CHUCKLEFUCKERY. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS NOT TO LOOK AT A CLOCK IN THIS COCKAMAMIE NIGHTMARE MANSION? IT'S LIKE ASKING ME TO PICK FLY SHIT OUT OF PEPPER. WHICH I FRANKLY WOULD HAVE RATHER DONE. BUT INSTEAD, I MANAGED TO PLAY TROLL MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE WITH MY GANDERBULBS. I PHYSICALLY BLOCKED EVERY CLOCK FROM SIGHT, EVEN AS THE ENDLESS, CACOPHONOUS TICKING DRONED ON. AND ON. AND ON. AND ON. UNTIL I COULD SWEAR THAT EACH TICK, TOCK, AND PITCH MICROVARIATION OF THE TWO THEREAFTER WAS HAMMERING ACTUAL NAILS INTO MY AURICULAR CLOTS. AND I DID IT. I GAMED THIS STUPID MC ESCHER SAW TRAP. I LEARNED THE RULES OF THIS FUCKED UP FUNHOUSE OF TEMPORAL DEVILRY AND I DID MAJESTIC BACKFLIPS OVER THEM WITH THE GRACE OF AN ARCTIC SEA MAMMAL. I STRUNG MY UGLY GREEN TIE AROUND ITS NECK AND GAROTTED IT OVER MY BACK UNTIL IT WENT SLACK IN MY TAUT, GLOVED PRONGS. I HAVE EMERGED BLOODY, BRUISED, AND EMOTIONALLY CALLUSED TO THE POINT OF A NUMBNESS THAT HAS STILL NOT SUBSIDED. AND I HAVE EMERGED VICTORIOUS. I THINK. I MIGHT. START SMOKING. ANYWAY. FEEL FREE TO COME IN HERE AND MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN TEA. I ORGANIZED EVERYTHING BY TYPE, BRAND, LOOSE-LEAF OR BAGGED, STEEPING TIME, AND KEPT LIKE COLORS ADJACENT JUST TO KEEP EVERYTHING MARGINALLY MORE COPACETIC. I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT, BUT I DID. AS ONE FINAL FLOURISH OF A FUCK YOU. I'M GOING TO GO AND COLLAPSE ON A LOUNGEPLANK FOR FIFTY-NINE MINUTES, OPEN ONE GANDERBULB, STARE AT ANOTHER FUCKING CLOCK, AND REPEAT THIS PROCESS UNTIL I'VE HAD SOMETHING RESEMBLING EIGHT HOURS OF RAW, SOPORLESS, BLOODSHOT REST BEFORE I START ON THE ABLUTION TRAP. THE LONG DAY CONTINUES. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/E7F333FBB437.PNG
I THINK THE BIGGEST CASUALTY OF BEING CREATORS WITH INFINITE MONEY AND THE ALCHEMIZING CAPABILITY TO MAKE WHATEVER WE WANT LITERALLY WHENEVER IS THAT I CAN'T UNLEASH THE GIFTPOCALYPSE THAT I WANT TO ON WRIGGLING DAYS AND TWELFTH PERIGEES EVE. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SHOP FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE EVERYTHING? YOU CAN ONLY GIFT EXPERIENCES AND EVEN THEN, WHO THE FUCK WANTS AN ~EXPERIENCE~ WITH KARKAT VANTAS RAGING OVER IT ALL THE TIME. WHO KNOWS. MAYBE I CAN TAKE EVERYONE MINIGOLFING SOMETIME, THAT'S SOME SHIT YOU DO FOR WRIGGLING DAYS, RIGHT?
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「It was already obvious I had my position, I do welcome the others who are coming onboard as I do as well. The transition has been smooth, complacent, welcoming. Like sugar in tea. To those who are still in the process of application, do know what you're signing up to. It is a changing experience, but one that's colorful and different from usual life. A toss-up in the wind, one could state. I personally was always going to be here one light, whether it was sooner or later it didn't matter. It happens all the same, and that's something one grows comfortable with knowing. Predestination can be soothing. While there may be no explicit joy in what I do, I do as I do for the pride of knowing I am doing well. To live is to serve. And to serve is to live. Every key on the ring is meaningful in it's own way no matter how one could see it. It is my hope that my time as the Doormaid will continue on. As there's no foreseeable future for me where I can see myself away from this position. Take that as you will, take that as you must. And to my fellow members / workers, please let me know if you need anything. I am at your service no matter where you are, no matter how far you are. Call my name, and I'll be there as quick as one like me can be. Thank you for the position. https://files.catbox.moe/x23jud.png」
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「I ate a PB&J.」
I am your ever transparent Host. To be precise and accurate with my current tier of employ, gaze upon my roster of newly hired individuals. @gullibleColumnist as the Doormaid. In this highly specialized role, the Doormaid will be in charge of the Keys to my manor and penthouse. @pliableDecadence#3682 as the Cuekeeper. You will find Serpaz's unique talents lend greatly to the maintenance of the various machinations assigned to her existence. @carbolicGalvanologist as the Chalkbox. As the Felt's Custodial Utilitarian, Karkat currently presides under direct command of the Handmaid during his trial period. A strong recommendation from Kurloz Makara has landed him this position. @terribleFate as the Nameless. Caliborn recruited this individual, whose many services are free to any member of English's Chosen upon request. Of course, there are many more to be considered, as this does not include my various contractors, free agents, double agents, triple agents, or those who simply enjoy the presence of the Felt in their operations. I have roughly twenty three more applicants to file through tonight. I will be doing so whilst enjoying the sweet chords of my Songbird, whose handle shall remain hidden until she decides it is time for her grand debut.
Diamonds. Droog.
OH MY *GOD* I AM THE MOST BLOCKHEADED DOLT TO EVER CAREEN HELPLESSLY INTO PARADOX SPACE.
HTTPS://I.IBB.CO/NGSXTNJL/IMAGE.PNG THANK YOU. @TERMINALLYCAPRICIOUS#2753. MY NEW FAVORITE CLOWN. (DUE TO DISQUALIFICATION. OF THE PREVIOUS SHITHEAD.) FOR MAKING THIS HIVE. INTO A HOME. #HIVEIMPROVEMENT #HIVEDESTRUCTION #HIVEGORE. @CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST BITCH BOY. COME GET YOUR WORKSLOP. I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOU TO CLEAN. ON PRONGS AND STEMJOINTS.
Detective Tip: You can totally eat that extremely stale bread. There will be no consequences for this.
Starting to get really goddamn tired of seeing random aliens getting employed by the Cue Ball. Do none of you know better. Do none of you have a memory that lasts longer than a week.
Do not die of laughter.
Moral of the story. Stop listening to Scratch. Stop working for him. Stop cozying up to the felt. I'm going to go have a girl's night with Snow now.
:o) Wonderful to have you on board, my friend. :o) We are going to have so much fun together! :o) Our merry family grows larger and larger... :o) We haven't had a shakeup like this in some time... :o) Revelries 6:18 - "Oh scream, oh cry, oh laugh and laugh and laugh, oh sing! Oh, tell it again!"
ATTENTION, WORTHLESS CHITTRLINGS. LONG TIME, NO CHITT. THERE HAVE BEEN SOME *AGGRAVATING* DEVELOPMENTS IN MY CAREER AS A PLATFORM USER, AS A CREATOR, AND ABOVE ALL, AS ONE OF THE UNLUCKY JACKOFFS STILL UNACCOUNTABLY FORCED TO EXIST IN A PLACE AND TIME WITHIN A MULTIVERSAL CONTINUITY OF ENDLESS, CACOPHONOUS FUCKRUMPUS PARADOX CHICANERY. BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BUSY TRYING AND FAILING TO WRIGGLE OUT OF THESE DEVELOPMENTS, I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN AROUND TO PROVIDE AN UPDATE. I'M GOING TO DO THAT NOW. SO DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF, BECAUSE I WON'T. I'LL JUST PULL UP THIS CHITT, SEIZE YOU VIOLENTLY BY THE HEAD, AND SHOVE YOUR BLOODSHOT GANDERBULBS AGAINST THE SCREEN UNTIL THE AMBIENT HEAT COOKS THEM LIKE EGGS. READ, SHITSPONGE. READ THIS AND GET OFF MY DORSAL RIDGE ABOUT IT, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE WHOLE. FUCKING. SCOOP. STARTING WITH THE BIG ONE. I WORK FOR THE FELT, NOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. I CAN HEAR THE QUESTION AT THE VERY FRONT OF YOUR THOUGHTSPONGE DOING BACKFLIPS, FRONTFLIPS, CARTWHEELS, AND ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTES. "KARKAT, WHAT KIND OF TURBO-CHARGED JUJU-FLAVORED CRACK HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? DIDN'T YOU SPEND YOUR ENTIRE SESSION FIGHTING THIS JOLLY GREEN MANLET AND HIS BUMBLING CADRE OF BUMBLING ASS-BURGLARS? WHAT IN THE FRESH, FULMINATING *FUCK* MADE YOU SIGN A CONTRACT WITH *THESE* LOONEYBLOCK TIME BANDITS?" THE SHORT ANSWER? THE MIME MADE ME DO IT. LITERALLY. MY SPONGE STILL HURTS FROM WHERE HE SHOVED HIS PRONG IN IT LIKE A GLOVE AND MADE ME TYPE UP THAT APPLICATION. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PLAN IS HERE, BUT I'M WILLING TO BET *ANYTHING* THAT HE'S GOT ONE. SO YES. AGAINST MY WILL. AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT. AGAINST A THOUSAND ETERNITIES OF BALEFUL, ENDLESS SUFFERING, I HAVE A NEW NINE TO FIVE. AND WITH IT, A NEW TITLE. ONE WHICH I AM *OBLIGATED* TO USE IN OFFICIAL CAPACITY, BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU CALL ME "CHALKBOX" WHILE I'M OFF THE CLOCK, I'M GOING TO INVENT A NEW WAY TO PERFORM A LOBOTOMY. FUCK YOU, KURLOZ. FUCK YOU, SCRATCH. AND MOST OF ALL, COMING IN HARD WITH THE FUCK YOU X3 COMBO, IT'S A WHOPPING FIVE-SCOOP, CHOCOLATE-DRIZZLED FUCK YOU SUNDAE FESTOONED WITH OBLONG BUNCHFRUIT, WHIPPED CREAM, SPRINKLES, AND A CHERRY-RED MIDDLE FINGER ON TOP FOR MR. MALDING GREEN MANLET HIMSELF. I'M WEARING THE BADGE OUT OF SPITE. I AM CLOCKING IN FOR THE LONGEST DAY AT THE LONG DAY FACTORY I HAVE EVER WORKED. AND IF I EVER MANAGE TO CLOCK OUT, THERE WILL BE *HELL* TO PAY. ANYWAYS. I HAVE TO GO MOP UP A NASTY, REEKING PUDDLE OF NON-NEWTONIAN ECTO-PHLEGM, OR SOMETHING. HERE'S A PICTURE FOR THE ALGORITHM. THIS IS THE CHALKBOX, SAYING, "GO BRING THAT PILE OF DIRTY CUPS AND PLATES IN YOUR RESPITEBLOCK TO THE SINK, YOU FILTHY, WALLOWING SLOBHOGS." HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/67CB4DD16DFF.JPG
:o) I am assured you will not. :o) We should get together some time. :o) For tea. :o) And to discuss the fineries of funny business.
:o) You are taking to this role so very well, Miss Helilo :o) We are so happy to have you on board.
When I'm meeting a potential client in the dead of night and she pulls out her cigarette holder and a lighter: https://media.tenor.com/rCF5e02X8uwAAAAM/jamiroquai-grab.gif
How is the Felt doing the best at this.
WORDLE ATTEMPTED! CAN YOU DO BETTER? TRY THIS WORDLE: HTTPS://MYWORDLE.STRIVEMATH.COM/?WORD=ZFFRR ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ #MYWORDLE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's about the right time of the night. Make sure to do your Droogle. https://mywordle.strivemath.com/?word=zffrr
>([ten t#ousand jades an one me cuz my steeze aint replicable]
Diamonds Droog.
MADE THE MISTAKE OF BUYING A BAG OF SPINACH AS A PERSON WHO DOESN'T EAT THE SAME SHIT AS THEIR ROOMMATE. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MEAL FOR THE NEXT BLINK IS GOING TO BE SPINACH. WE ARE ON A 24/7 SPINACH LOCKDOWN. THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED I HAD LIKE EIGHT MEALS OFF OF IT AND STILL HAD HALF OF THE GRODY EMERALD MUSH ROT IN THE THERMAL HUSK. MY CONCEPTION OF WHAT MEALS REQUIRE SPINACH IS ALL TOO RAPIDLY DEVOLVING INTO 'WHAT MEALS COULD CONCEIVABLY INCLUDE SPINACH'? I AM CONSIDERING RECIPES NEVER BEFORE SEEN OUTSIDE OF THE REALMS OF VEGAN NEW MOTHER BLOGS. BY DAY 10 I IMAGINE I'LL FALL BACK ON EDUCATION FROM HISTORICALLY ACCURATE ANIMATED MOVIE 'THE LAND BEFORE TIME' AND JUST EAT THAT SHIT RAW.
sh0uld i get this f0r the l0ver https://i.p0stimg.cc/bvdftntm/screensh0t-20260524-152751.png #sevenelevenp0sting
I WILL SAY ONE THING. ABOUT EVERYONE’S FAVORITE POSTER. @AENEASCALDARIUM. HIS AREA OF EFFECT IS SO POWERFUL. THAT WHEN I STAND NEXT TO HIM. SOMEHOW. MY CHERUB MATING TANGLE OF AN INFINITE RAP SHEET. MAGICALLY DISAPPEARS. AND SUDDENLY. STRANGERS ON THE STREET. ARE COMING TO ME. SAYING. “YOU POOR. SAD. WEAK. FEEBLE. GORGEOUS. PATHETIC RUSTBLOOD. ARE YOU OKAY.” AM ***I*** OKAY! HAA! I’M PUTTING THIS GUY IN SAWTRAPS LATER.
#NOWPLAYING CHAPPELL ROAN - GOOD LUCK, BABE! HTTPS://YOUTU.BE/1RKQOMSKGGM?SI=SZEQBW3NZ45OZ4HX
SCREAMING AT THE ANGELS. WHILE THEY PuSHED HIM THROuGH THE DOOR.
let me sp0il y0u bbg https://i.p0stimg.cc/0qvs0cpp/l-6355c83aff0484c5156c251e.jpg
"MONEY. #DRUGS. CHAINS ON MY CHEST. THAT VINTAGE CELINE. DIAMOND GRILLS. CHAMPAGNE BOTTLES. SWAGGER. I #BLEED. I WANT #SEX. #MONEY. #BITCHES. AND THE STICKIEST #WEED. I WANT A CIGARETTE." — ESTEEMED #CLOWN PROPHET. TROLL SLAYYYTER. #CHURCH #NSFW #SUBSTANCE #FUCKBITCHES #GETBOONS #NOWPLAYING.
i g0t the j0b https://i.p0stimg.cc/bnt0t3w8/screensh0t-20260524-045348.png
Wordle guessed in 1/6! Can you do better? Try this wordle: https://mywordle.strivemath.com/?word=zffrr 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 #mydroogle :o) Did it. :o) Winner.
:o) Hee hee :o) Hoo hoo :o) Haa haa
=oXO hehee that,s funny¡ =oXO
:o) Hee hee :o) Haa haa :o) Hoo hoo :o) I like your funny words, Miss Cuekeeper.
:o) Wandering fingers tracing your skin :o) Pressing into all of those tense, overworked muscles of yours. :o) You sigh, barely listening while I talk :o) Which allows me to slip in phrases unbidden :o) Telling you to relax, let go...You're safe here :o) You can give in. :o) You can give your mind to me. :o) I will take very good care of it. #NSFW
Don't forget to do your Droogle today: https://mywordle.strivemath.com/?word=zffrr
This questionnaire from Mr. White is challenging! https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0782618b03ad.png
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「Often, you have to remind your guests they are simply guests. They may have ego, they may think of themselves as new arrivals from the heavens above, in the end they are your guest. Those who are terrible guests tend to find themselves having better manners with a bit of.. forceful coaxing.」
The Repiton Corporation Fact of the Night™ is: There are currently 14,553 officially recognized flavors of Pepsi in circulation on Repiton, though several hundred unofficial homebrews are known to exist.∞
Thank you, Serpaz. Finally, some normalcy. ... What is that in your screen name.
How may I Diamonds your Droog.
i love seeing cute #lususposting 0u0 (tags: The Rankmaid/Chittr, rankmaid arisen, archive rating: G)
MAY YOUR STAY BE UNFORGETTABLE 🗝「Good morning, everyone.」
TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART IS REALLY FUCKING HARD TO SING ACTUALLY. ANOTHER ONE STRUCK OFF OF THE KARAOKE LIST.
Diamonds Droog.
THANK YOU SERPAZ, SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS MY BACK ON THIS BITCH OF A PLATFORM.
I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A FORMAL APOLOGY TO @HANDMAID, MISS DAMARA MEGIDO OF THE FELT SYNDICATE FOR MY EARLIER BEHAVIOR. I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE THROES OF ONE MIGHT CALL A MOMENT OF FRUSTRATION TO UNRELATED AFFAIRS AND MAY HAVE GOTTEN A LITTLE TOO BIG FOR MY BRITCHES. I'M REALLY SORRY, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME SIGNED, KARKAT VANTAS.
I take back what I said to Karkat about Chicago Deep-Dish. I didn't think it would lead to this.
WE ARE ALWAYS ON THE CLOCK. IDIOT.
ALSO FOR MY NEXT WATCH THROUGH CAN THE FELT LIKE THE ENTIRE FELT NOT INVADE AND TAKE OVER, PLEASE? I DON'T WORK THERE, I DON'T WORK FOR YOU, I THINK YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS IS ABOUT AS DISREPUTABLE AS THEY COME. INDIVIDUAL MEMBERS MAY ATTEND BUT NOT ON THE CLOCK.
Thinking of throwing away my entire career prospects and all reputation I've gained in order to do menial work for a short green-skulled loud guy.
FOR YOU, SERPAZ? THE WORLD. THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKER IN THERE WHO DIDN'T TRY MY GOD DAMN PATIENCE.
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO ATTENDED MY CINEMASSACRE NIGHT SHOWING OF CHICAGO. I'M GLAD THAT WE COULD ALL GET UP #INTHERE TO SEE IT AND YOU DIDN'T MAKE ME WANT TO LEAP INTO AN OPEN BLAZE EVEN A LITTLE BIT SO CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT. HOPEFULLY I CAN MAKE THIS A WEEKLY ENDEAVOR WHILE I FORCE YOU ALL TO WATCH THE MOVIES THAT I LIKE. WHO KNOWS, MAYBE BROTHER BEAR WILL BE NEXT. THAT'S KIND OF A CINEMASTERPIECE. WE'LL SEE. MORE FOOD REVIEWS COMING SOON. ALSO IF ANY MIME IS READING THIS: DON'T YOU *EVER* GET IN MY HEAD LIKE THAT AGAIN. FUCKING DISGUSTING.
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'VE NOT ASKED FOR IT, BUT IT'S HAPPENING ANYWAY. THIS SATURDAY, AT 6 AM BST (BILIOUS STANDARD TIMELINE) I WILL BE HOSTING A WATCHALONG ON HYPERBEAM FOR THE HUMAN MUSICAL CHICAGO. I WILL BE ATTENDED, HOPEFULLY, BY @ARCHIVEADDICT AND @CARBOLICGALVANOLOGIST AS ASSHOLES I'VE ROPED IN TO WATCH A MOVIE WITH ME. BE THERE, OR DON'T, I DON'T CARE. IT'S NO SKIN OFF OF MY BACK. #WATCHALONG #MOVIE #WHATELSESHOULDITAG #SUCKMYBULGESATURDAY #CHICAGOSATURDAY
Have you done your Droogle today. https://mywordle.strivemath.com/?word=zffrr
L1v3 y0ur c0m1c 54n5 7ru7h˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚
I am fxr this!!! We need mxre rising xf spirits!!! :DDD
Ghxst dx nxt tend tx be Ms Helilx!!! They fly!!! This is knxwn :)))
Spent most of the day celebrating Mutt’s birthday— I gave her a new toy and some treats— She really liked them—
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐇𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠! A proud, family-managed enterprise operating outside the boundaries of narrative stability, the Felt is looking to renew an expansion initiative under the continued supervision of myself, pending direct oversight by Lord English of multiversal destruction fame. Applicants are encouraged to review the following qualifications before submission. Our standards are exacting. Applicants are expected to exhibit a certain cultivated flair. We are not interested in recruiting common goons who grunt through their problems akin to bovines wandering into traffic. We seek individuals with presence. Those among you who understand that presentation is not ancillary to violence, but rather violence's elegant twin sibling. A proper Felt operative should be capable of entering a room and causing discomfort or envy without speaking a single word. The best among you will manage it without even entering the room. Experience with temporal anomalies, organized tactics, occult practices, cue sports, assassination, extortion, psychological warfare, or narrative manipulation is preferred. Applicants capable of violating causality in a pleasing manner are especially encouraged to apply. Do not be embarrassed to specify your supernatural or otherwise absurd gimmick. Naturally, some may inquire as to workplace expectations. The only real requirement is professionalism. The Felt is an institution that values decorum, punctuality, and loyalty. One should arrive to assignments properly dressed, armed, and psychologically prepared for the possibility that one's coworkers possess foreknowledge of one's own death. Such circumstances should not interfere with productivity. You will find the work stimulating. At times, literally so. Gunfire is common, alongside paradoxes, doomed timelines, eldritch encounters, internal betrayals, and long stretches of deeply uncomfortable silence shared between dangerous individuals in suits so expensive entire civilizations had to culminate and work themselves to death to produce them. The benefits package is exceedingly generous. Employees receive a wardrobe stipend sufficient to maintain the organization's dignified chromatic standards. Resurrection leave is provided where applicable. Dental coverage remains available in stable timelines. You will enjoy access to private galas, exclusive social functions, and networking opportunities with aristocrats, immortals, and monsters of social standing. Few organizations offer advancement opportunities capable of transcending time itself. Some applicants may express concern regarding upward mobility. You will discover the Felt embraces meritocracy with admirable sincerity. Demonstrate your competence, survive impossible odds, assassinate your targets in a stylish manner, and your ambition will be rewarded. Of course, failure is punished. You will be guided, observed, curated, and cultivated with the same care one might apply to an ornamental species in a gilded laboratory. The Felt does not inherently promise safety, morality, or psychological wellbeing. What I offer is vastly more valuable. Importance. After all, obscurity is the closest thing your species has to true death.
Today is Mutt’s birthday—
Ugh. ...For what its worth I am sorry about that.
I can try to make a tiny sculpture of her for you—
Re: last rechitt. Excellent form and prose. And he's right, Chicago Deep-Dish fucks severely. That's not a fucking pizza. I'll kill you.
LET ME SET THE SCENE HERE. I'M SAT IN MY RESPITE BLOCK AT PRESENT, THE ONLY THING I HAVE OPEN ON MY COMPUTER IS CHITTR. IT'S A TEMPERATE MAY DAY IN THE TROLL KINGDOM AND THE RAIN IS COMING DOWN OUTSIDE PRETTY HEAVILY. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I HAVE THE WINDOW OPEN A CRACK TO HEAR IT FALL. THE SYNCOPATED PITTER PATTER ON THE OUTSIDE WINDOW DANCING IN CONCERT WITH THE SOUND OF MY TOUCH STUBS GLIDING ACROSS MY MECHANICAL KEYBOARD. BACK ON ALTERNIA, YOU DID *NOT* WANT YOUR WINDOW OPEN DURING THE RAIN. THAT SHIT WAS PURE ACID, AND THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR HIVE WAS BUILT TO WITHSTAND IT, BUT THE INSIDE SURE WASN'T AND NEITHER WAS YOUR SKIN. FOR SOME TIME, EVEN THOUGH ITS SAFE TO TOUCH THE RAINWATER ON EARTH-C, I REFUSED TO OPEN MY WINDOW. TODAY THAT CHANGED. DO YOU KNOW WHY THAT IS? BECAUSE TODAY IS A DAY OF FIRSTS. UPON REFLECTION, I SUPPOSE THIS IS MY FIRST 'SPONSORED POST'. A BENEFACTOR WHO WILL REMAIN ANONYMOUS GAVE ME A GIFT CARD TO A PIZZA PLACE CALLED GIORDANO'S. THERE WAS ENOUGH ON THIS CARD FOR A MEAL FOR TWO AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE, I *WILL* BE GOING BACK. I HATE EVERYTHING THAT THIS PIZZA TRIP HAS MADE ME BECOME. THE KARKAT THAT YOU KNEW YESTERDAY IS A DEAD MAN. HE'S BEEN LEFT IN THE PAST, MERELY AN ERRANT SPECTER HAUNTING YOUR MEMORY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY, TRULY FUCKING SORRY. I REALLY, REALLY LIKE EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. EXCEPT...I'M NOT SORRY, ACTUALLY. HAD YOU FOR A MOMENT, DIDN'T I? IF THERE IS ONE THING KARKAT VANTAS IS- IT'S UNREPENTANT IN HIS FOOD OPINIONS. DID YOU REALLY THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT I WOULD GROVEL AT YOUR FEET? BESEECH YOUR TEMPLE FOR APOLOGY? THROW MYSELF AT THE MERCY OF THE EXTREMELY FAKE CLOWN GODS ABOVE FOR DARING TO THINK THAT THIS PIZZA *FUCKS SEVERELY*? YOU'RE DEAD FUCKING WRONG. WELCOME TO KARKAT'S PIZZA REVIEWS. THERE IS NO GOD HERE BUT ME. FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR TITHES IN THE TIP JAR AND KISS MY FINALLY BEJEWELED RING YOU ME DAMNED HEATHEN. NORMALLY WHEN I TRY OUT A NEW PIZZA PLACE, I GO FOR THE BASICS. NOT THIS TIME. AS THIS WAS A SPONSORED VISIT, I TOOK INSTRUCTION ON WHAT PIZZA TO GET- ANY VARIETY OF THEIR EARTH-C-HICAGO STYLE PIZZA. I SEE NOW WHY SOME HUMANS CALL THIS SHIT A 'PIZZA PIE' BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THAT THING HAD A *CRUST*. IT WAS LIKE EXCAVATING IN A MINE OF SAUCE AND MOLTEN HOT CHEESE. I'LL ADMIT. I WAS VERY HESITANT GOING INTO THIS. SAUCE? ON TOP OF THE PIZZA? HOW NOVEL! HOW STRANGE! I'D HEARD OF SUCH A CONCOCTION, SUCH A WEIRD FUCKING MEAL BEFORE AND I'D SORT OF WRITTEN IT OFF ENTIRELY. HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY APPEAL TO THE PALATE OF ANYONE WITH A FUNCTIONING THINKPAN AND THE FULL POSSESSION OF ONE'S NATURAL FLAVOR BUMPS. I WAS A FUCKING FOOL. A FRAUD, EVEN. I'M A MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN NOW. A BETTER MAN. THAT. SHIT. FUCKED. THIS WILL BE MY FIRST 10/10 REVIEW. THIS BASIC ASS, BEAUTIFULLY SIMPLISTIC CHEESE AND SAUCE DEEP DISH FLAVOR DISC WILL BE MY SWAN SONG. YOU CAN PLAY ME OUT NOW. I CAN DIE HAPPY. LET'S REVIEW WHAT'S GOOD. EVERYTHING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A WORD I JUST SAID? THIS IS UNASSAILABLE! YOU CANNOT HOPE TO ATTAIN THE BENEVOLENT PEAKS THAT THIS FLAVOR DISC PROVIDES, YOU HAPLESS DEGENERATE. YOU SPEND HOURS EVERY DAY GOONING ON CHITTR.ING WHEN THERE'S A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF EXPERIENCES WAITING FOR YOU OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR IF YOU JUST SEEK TO ATTAIN THEM,. THE CRUST FOUGHT ME. IT WAS A BRIEF STRUGGLE TO BITE INTO BEFORE ITS CRISPY DENSENESS YIELDED TO THE SUPERIOR MIGHT OF MY FANGS, LIKE A LOVER JUST A TOUCH TOO SHY TO GIVE IN RIGHT AWAY. THE SAUCE SETTLED ON TOP, A TEASING OCEAN OF TOMATO AND PESTO. SHE STARED AT ME IN OUR TWIN COLOR, EYES ALLURING AND INSPIRING A GROWL FROM ME. IT WAS FERAL. I'M NOT PROUD OF THE WAY I TOOK HER. THE WAY I CLAMPED MY CLAWS AROUND HER AND TORE INTO HER SUPPLE FLESH. ...WHAT? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS #SUGGESTIVE? I'M DESCRIBING BITING INTO A SLICE OF PIZZA YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. THE CHEESE WAS THICK. HAVING BEEN BAKED INTO THE BASED LAYER OF THE PIZZA MEANT THAT SHIT WAS LIKE A LAVA EXPLOSION IN MY MOUTH. THERE WAS SO MUCH OF IT I THOUGHT I MIGHT DIE. IT SCORNED ME AT FIRST, BURNED THE SHIT OUT OF MY CHIN, BUT ENTICED ME WITH HER FLAVOR. SO I PUT IT DOWN AND TOOK A HUGE GLUG OF COKE (WITH ICE) AND THANK YOU TO THE GIORDANO'S STAFF FOR THEIR SWIFT RESPONSE BECAUSE ANY LONGER AND I MIGHT HAVE SCREAMED A LOT AND MADE EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT LOOK AT ME FUNNY AND THAT WOULD HAVE MADE ME NOT WANT TO POST THIS AT ALL. THE FLAVOR PROFILE WAS IMMACULATE. EVERY FLAVOR BLENDED INTO EACH OTHER SO PERFECTLY BUT STILL KEPT THEMSELVES CHASTELY DISTINCT, EACH SHOWING ME WHAT THEY HAD GOING FOR THEM INDIVIDUALLY AS WELL AS A COLLECTIVE. THEY WERE LIKE MY THREE GIRLFRIENDS. AND YES THEY SMOKED WEED. TO PUT INTO THE SIMPLEST WORDS POSSIBLE. I AM A CHANGED MAN. I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON THAN WHO WALKED INTO THAT PIZZA PLACE. THAT SHIT WAS ALSO WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR ME TO EAT IN ONE SITTING SO I STILL HAVE A FEW SLICES LEFT THAT I TOOK HOME AND SHOVED IN THE FRIDGE. VRISKA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS KEEP YOUR HANDSY THIEF PAWS OFF OF MY FUCKING PIZZA I MARKED IT WITH MY BLOOD AND PUNCHED IN TRIPLICATE THAT IT'S FUCKING *MINE*, OKAY? I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU HIGH AND DRY I GOT YOU A BBQ MEATLOVERS IT'S IN THE FRIDGE ON THE BOTTOM SHELF, OKAY? I EVEN GOT YOU A 2L OF SPRITE. YOU *LOVE* SPRITE. IS THIS ENOUGH APPEASEMENT FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR LOUSY, NO GOOD CLAWS OFF OF MY FOOD? YES? GOOD. GLAD WE COULD COME TO AN AGREEMENT. FINAL VERDICT: 10/10. I'VE FOUND A NEW LOVE IN LIFE. A NEW *PURPOSE.* THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE, GUYS. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS GO OUT AND SEIZE IT. CARPE DICKEM OR WHATEVER. THANK YOU AND GOONNIGHT. I MEAN GOODNIGHT.
Diamonds Droog.
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER PIZZA PLACE TO TRY. I'M STILL SEARCHING FOR ANYWHERE ON EARTH-C WHERE THEY ACTUALLY GET THIS SHIT PERFECT. I'M TALKING THE OPTION FOR STUFFED CRUST, A CRISPY BASE, ADEQUATE GREASE AND PLENTY OF CHEESE. I DON'T CARE WHAT HUMAN '''ITALIANS''' THINK- THE TRADITIONAL STYLE OF FLAVOR DISCS IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. YOU MEAN YOU'RE PAYING FOR SOMEONE TO SKIMP ON THE CHEESE AND FLOUNDER A BUNCH OF GREEN SHIT ON THERE HAPHAZARDLY? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. TODAY'S SLICE ACTUALLY GOT PRETTY FUCKING CLOSE. MY FAVORED TOPPING IS PEPPERONI WITH EXTRA CHEESE AND THEY SURE AS HELL DELIVERED ON THE EXTRA CHEESE PART. THIS SHIT HAS A CHEESE PULL STRAIGHT OUT OF THE ONE IN WHICH AN ANTHROMORPHIC BARKBEAST AND HIS BARKBEAST SON HAVE TO TRAVERSE THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF BEING CARETAKER AND GRUB WHILE ON A SCUTTLEBUGGY TRIP ACROSS THE ALTERNIAN MAIN CONTINENT TO GO FISHING BUT THE KID WANTS TO GO SEE A CONCERT INSTEAD TO IMPRESS HIS FLUSH CRUSH. THE ONLY THING THIS LOSES POINTS FOR IS THAT THE PEPPERONI IS LESS CRISP THAN I'D LIKE. IT SHOULD HOLD THE GREASE LIKE A CUP, PERFECT FOR GETTING ALL OVER YOUR NASTY CHIN AND MAKING YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR LATER AND WONDER WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. ANYWAY, STILL A SOLID 8/10 BUT NOT PERFECT. THE SEARCH CONTINUES. #FOODPOSTING #THESLICESEARCH
its show me your pages saturday what have you guys been making or otherwise up to
>([t#ey want me dead but i aint gon let em #ave t#e satisfaction]
My lusus sure does love throwing a fit whenever I don’t give her attention—
The reviews are in. The people have spoken. Their message is clear. https://i.ibb.co/yckj95dk/testimonials.png
#nowpl/\ying - Drones In The \//\lley by C/\ge The Eleph/\nt https://open.spotify.com/tr/\ck/2T\/7q\/pjiI3xnHd\/BtGLoZ?si=f7e47c187b/\e4660///
Sopranos Tier List. Correct opinions only. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ea90f699102e.PNG
Are YOU excited for #TotalDramaIslandInterdimensional?
:33< that remeownds meow :33< did mew hear about my great mew invention idea? :33< its a pencil with erasepurrs on both ends :33< i know its a bit pointless but i like it