♣ mediated by @ardourCorvidae
Ranking excluding Creators or Creator-adjacent individuals.
no fucking respect for my man spike pitiful
cronus amporas guide to the ladies masterpost /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ it feels like an eras gone by. i may come back once or tvwice if i find anything wvorth sharing, but #cagttl is moreorless complete. compiled here is evwery part. also gonna drop my q and a link here, for good measure. mind the tags on the posts themselwves, though you can expect #nsfwv #nsfwve #dubcon #misogyny and #abuse on em all. if you ewver vwanna discuss my vwriting, use #cagttl in your post so that people vwho *wvant* to see these posts *vwill* see them. vwink vwink nudge nudge. happy reading! ask me (almost) anything: https://forms.gle/FyTW3ifuzF5yDQK9A prelude: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/5713fa95-db31-4553-86f1-fb7639ec917f part rose: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/500e1a04-e748-4115-905c-f3c2ef783ea6 part jade: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/813f3a21-ad61-4073-a6af-4c00db303d07 part jane: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/a2091e6e-dc9c-4d27-8f70-4c3e054ec23f part jane recanted: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/b9bd9df4-12ac-4fa7-a228-e8e2f72aa330 part roxy: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/9029d9df-43e8-49c5-b477-a5e23fd1ea1d part aradia: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/72f1dfb2-f2da-4f76-81ac-fda6a9993f0c part femkat: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/7e30425a-3d40-4b07-88b9-0a4fab5759cb part nepeta: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/1910b5bc-4c43-4df3-aecf-424650b1bf29 part kanaya: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/f5c26d9a-60a3-4952-94d9-f0584c461658 part terezi: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/72fdff65-10b5-46b9-ba88-e9bf5db55a28 part wvriska: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/5a3a09e7-ca06-4bd6-9556-8a4f6ecf77f7 part feferi: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/60e549c6-9d66-4ef3-859b-1b52a86306fd part damara (wvith guest author damara): https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/4e4a18e0-79cb-400c-8c82-7e46988cfa17 part femkri: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/dba0f9d2-d902-4c6f-9553-b6544d02d21a part meulin: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/1d1512e2-3f8e-4d16-8de2-c4419b300c12 part porrim: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/7e89b8bb-c8ab-48e3-9894-6b5ce9bfcf0d part latula: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/37d3ff9c-18bf-408b-83ee-0c1d0c792165 part aranea: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/abce19a2-0a70-4e0c-8c74-384163978a51 part meenah: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/08091e7c-e3cb-4e6c-ae34-7cebe7cfdb53 part alternian ancestors: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/480088c1-aee9-4b63-ad57-04ef2d873847 part her imperious condescension, punned: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/6ecac8e6-a6ad-492d-9423-a8ebd3aaed60 part her imperious condescension, unpunned: https://chittr.ing/profile/aeneasCaldarium/4d5126ed-585c-4994-9182-485bc3777f32 novw for some interesting stats. as as vwriting, part jade is the most hated, wvith a kult:kull ratio of 0.02. part rose and part condy are also belovw a 0.10 ratio. part aranea is the most liked, vwith a ratio of 0.96. part meulin and part ancestors also managed abowve 0.80. that all said, part rose is obvwiously the wvinner for engagement, vwith 5 likes, 4 pities, 82 hates, and 33 mediates as of wvriting, for a total score of 509. engagement dropped off a cliff after that, but i think vwe still had our fun. comment belowv vwith your favworite #cagttl moment!
｢konbanwa! this #waifuification... (ФωФ) is... k...k...kekekeke!!! ahh~ this waifuification is like a koinrokkā no tabemono! (；・ω・) born from himitsu! (；・∀・) hatched in haji! Σ( ﾟДﾟ) gyaahhh!! Σ(*ﾟдﾟﾉ)ﾉ megane-chan was talking to ai-chan, and she said... ｣ ｢(*^￢^*) hai, nee-chan! @gutsyGumshoe jane-sama is ai-chan's new oshi! jane-sama is so kawaii! jane-sama has (ФωФ) kyuutieful pwotential~~ (ФωФ) nee-chan. (ФωФ) beam her, nee-chan. (ФωФ) her boiyoings, nee-chan... darouoooooo~☆!｣ ｢(in nyaht so many words, but (;´-｀) basically! keke~)｣ ｢and jane-chan! maturity jane-chan! red pantsu jane-chan! ( ＾ω＾) megane-san kyudn't resist! kekek~ aaah~ (*´▽｀*) in human culture, a jukujo is marked by their young carrying #pregnancy capabilities! (*^O^*) did you know? waow! so sugoi! (*^_^*) megane-san added that. (*ﾟ∀ﾟ人ﾟ∀ﾟ*)♪ isn't it kawaii!! (*´∇｀)ﾉ aaah~~ so kyutieful. megane-san's best work to date! syoo plush looking... keke~ (ФωФ)｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: this post contains #suggestive content! don't like, don't read! (ノ｀Д´)ノ彡┻━┻ konbonwa means "good eveningggg~". koinrokkā no tabemono means "coin locker grub", the eastern alternian tradition of placing cullable grubbins somewhere and... ( ・ε・) walking awayyy... so sad (；Д；) himitsu means secret, this is me and ai-chan's secret! haji means shame, this is megane-san's shame! (´ﾉω；`) byuuttt... not really. megane-san is shameless. ε=(*ﾉ´Д｀)ﾉ kyah! oshi means someone's favorite special person, love of all lives! (´･ω･`)/~~ ai-chan is megane's oshi. ai-chan is megane's everything, so everything he does is for her. even dis! (。ゝ(ェ)・)-☆ jukujo means "mature lady"! ( -∀・) which is... (ФωФ) kekeke, a special termmm~~~ kawaii means kyutie! sugoi means... uwaahh!!! uwoaahh!!(*^▽^)/★*☆♪ moe moment!]
｢kirainahito: *attempting to intimidate megane-san* me: *stays completely calm and smirks*｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: kirainahito means enemies megane-san will cut down.φ(-｀Д´-*)]
saww a hivveless rust panhandler tonight i wwas gonna givve him twwenty caegars until i noticed he had a girl wwith him it teed me off so much that i threww my scaldin bean juice in his nug an gavve him a second degree burn im at the end a my tether evven these bloody dowwn an outs somehoww manage to get girlfriends wwhat the fuck am i doin wwrong #vviolence
decided i needed my owwn patented eri reaction image for wwhen someone says somethin bonkers on one a my chits but i dont feel like depletin precious energy slush on a response https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/cfa1ee3c7cb2.png
｢need... moar... waifu...nyow... (ФωФ) kekeke~~ (*￣∇￣)ノ ahh, megane-san was kizutsuku pretty badly by aideekay-chan ( @insufferablePrick ) a wittle while ago. (；Д；) she called megane shibō! (ヽ´ω`) as if megane-san doesn't just have his grubfat still! ( ´-｀) gyahh~ it's wakatta though. megane-san realized that with his kyutiehorn waifuification beam charging up from his epicku rap game, he could send that rotten gaijin on a trip to mount kawaii, to git gud! (*^ー^)ノ♪ this kyutiegirl is nazomeita, byut always wants to show off her oppai with a few hanekaerukaerukaerukaeru!! (*ﾟー^) kekeke~ another kawaiificafion completo. (ФωФ) the world is a better place! q(^-^q)｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: kizutsuku means hurt! his feels got hurted! ( ´_ゝ`) shibō means pleasantly plump. wakatta means okie! everything is daijobou. (^з^) gaijin means yucky westerner, like idk-chan! (゜゜) nazomeita means mysterious... ahh~ so sneaky. oppai means--- gyah!? ahh~ ahh~ gomen. that's a secret! but hanekaerukaerukaerukaeru means boiyoingyoingyoingggg~☆]
｢(っ－＿－)っ vkei-chan... onegai... (；ω；｀*) dyon't be like dis to your megane-senpai.｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: onegai means pwease.･ﾟ･(●´Д｀●)･ﾟ･]
｢konbanwa! megane-san has created moar waifuification! (*^▽^)/★*☆ dis time, we have vkei-chan! @ardourCorvidae (*/∀＼*) ahhh~ vkei-chan was cho kantan to make!~ keke~ ( -∀・) vkei-chan is always nisu to megane-san. (*^￢^*) unlike his haterz, vkei-chan wuvs when megane-san nuzzles and cuddles! ( ・ω・) choto kawaii. the most kyutieful girl!....... (ФωФ) kekekeke~~ second best to ai-chan of course nyah!｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: nisu means nice! (=^ェ^=) choto kanton means supa easy!! vkei-chan already has perfect oppai! RENTRER EN SOI is the best vkei tunez, byuttt. (／_;)/ another trick on megane! none of them were kyutiegirls, just fembois. -_-]
｢megane-san can do vkei-chan next! ＼(^-^)／｣
☼ I am so glad that you find somepony that resonates with you, but please understand, we don't condone nor desire harm towards other ponies. Ponies are friends; our friends. And Rarity is a wonderful friend. Trixie is also quite the treat. I do enjoy her shows! ☼
imagine havwing some guy vwho calls himself the helpsman as an ancestor? he needs to help himself to some 8ITCHES. nah, but really, vwhy if you dont already think im the most pitiable user on this platform, imagine havwing coolscar as your ancestor. shit, im gonna shed a single manly tear vwhile strumming a c-minor on the vworlds tiniest guitar. #sendspheres #spheresoutforcronus #pitybait
}(]]]]]) < let's all hear five biǦ booms for this fool > ([[[[[){ }(]]]]]) < #ǦuzmoǦǦed > ([[[[[){ htt₽s://cdn.imǦchest.com/files/1b08ab7bbcaa.j₽eǦ htt₽s://cdn.imǦchest.com/files/09febc8f8f90.j₽eǦ htt₽s://cdn.imǦchest.com/files/a17262a5c358.j₽eǦ htt₽s://cdn.imǦchest.com/files/5b169c884009.j₽eǦ htt₽s://cdn.imǦchest.com/files/fb32cd10ea64.j₽eǦ
HUH? WHAT? DO YOU WANT U$ TO DEVELOP LIKE, GAY PLANET$? WHAT??
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 17: aranea serket #degradation #humiliatin #freeuse #nsfvw #nsfvwe #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #cagttl sorry babe, just missed out on the 8x2. youll get there next time. vwhats there to be said about the original serket? shes got the sexy librarian look, her quirk has her tits in it, and shes got a sadomaso streak an imperial distance unit long. find her lil booth, paint an s on the sign, and youre in business. i should havwe a lot to talk about here, so lets get into it. aranea is a smart cookie. ewven the dumbest araneas iwve met at least pretend to be smart. so you havwe to appeal to that sensibility. condescend to her a bit but dont outright call her stupid. make her feel dumb, sure, act like you think shes a little slowv, of course, but dont say it. also, let her talk. like, not too much, she can and has gone on for hours about howv cereal has sex? thats all i got out of it. but letting her go on a bit lovwers her guard, lets you gawvk at her tits, and she might ewven stop paying attention to you at all. perfect opportunity to hawve some fun wvith her. most tame, pop a sucker into her mouth. i started carrying em around just for this. araneas havwe massiwve oral fixations. i shut a serks pan right off doing this once, she got all quiet and drooly, and you can guess howv i escalated it. if youre feeling a bit bolder, shut her up wvith your bulge. like i said, oral fixation, and she dont mind being interrupted if its for that. shell get right to sucking and forget all about vwhatevwer bullshit she wvas on about. most bold, sidle up behind her, rest your chin on her shoulder... and you can pull this line any time vwith her, but i lovwe doing it here. "wvovw babe, this is so interesting, sounds like no ones evwer *really* listened to you before." nowv, she lovwes this. youre lifting her up, making her feel superior and smart, vwhile also allowving her to be a wvictim. this is exactly wvhat she wvants. then you vwhisper for her to keep going as you feel her up, hike up her skirt, slide her panties dovwn... i guarantee shell be vwet before youwve evwen gotten your bulge out. hell, shes probably been vwet since she started talking. another thing you gotta understand wvith araneas, shes in her owvn head. you gotta make this mental for her too. embarrass her. shame her. she thinks shes better than you. getting fucked by you is degrading to her. and she lovwes it. lean into it. talk about hovw disappointed porrim vwould be, hovw shocked meenah vwould be, howv much damz wvould laugh... threaten to make it into a sexposition booth proper, let the entire bubble havwe a turn vwith her. shed probably go for it if you buttered her up right, ivwe nevwer tried since i dont like sharing, but theres something there. novw, i hawvent mentioned, eugh, subbing for... maybe any gal so far? besides damz, i guess. but aranea, wvell, she might go for it sometimes if thats your thing. she likes taking control. if you can convwince her to try to take it vwithout using her powvers shell hawve a fun time, though the povwers, vwell... no comment on hovw those feel. this section is ovwer. r8ings: bod: sexy librarian, vwelma cosplay, stacked as hell, surprisingly short skirt. ivwe newver met a skinny aranea, theyre all thicc 8itches 9/10 vwariety: so... the set-up is usually the same, shes at her booth. but if you get some good ones, youll get good banter, the povwer plays are entertaining... a bit limited, but fun all the same 7/10 ease: you just knovw shes nightdreaming about sucking you off the second you start wvalking tovwards her booth. you hawve to wvork for it a little bit though, and the constant yapping can make my patience run thin. 7.9/10 personality: okay i knovw iwve said it but. goddamn does she talk too much. shes condescending, mean, thinks shes better than you, thinks she knowvs better than you, thinks youre stupid, acts totally offended and shocked if you try to call her out on any of it. shes a massiwve 8itch, 8luh 8luh and all. 8r8k her. 9/10 owverall: 8/10. i didnt givwe vwriska this honor im pretty sure, but aranea earns it. rockin bod, rockin look, great hook, great lay, fun back and forth, i mean, evwen after i fuck one of em silly shell still hawve something smarmy to say. fantastic gal if you can find a gag or some earplugs. special shout-out to my buddy @arachnesgrasp for inspiring me to get off my ass and finally wvrite this part up. gonna leavwe this off vwith some choice quotes of hers from today, wvhich oughta help demonstrate some of my points. thanks svweetums! <3333333
｢ancestor-sensei came from the highest mountains of east alternia... the shishaku-san! (^-^)/ neeiht read about it in the ancient mangatexts of the kirihorns, so he's a big two percent east alternian! kyaaahhh~~ so jelly. (T^T) megane wishes he was born in east alternia. baka gaijins... kuso!・゜・(つД｀)・゜・｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: mangatexts are the meganes way of preserving history, kekeke!(*＞∇＜)ﾉ written by their own prongles, kukuku. baka gaijins means stupid, uneducated westerners... kuso means damn! (ノ｀Д´)ノ彡┻━┻]
｢megane-san needs a new bācharuriariti headset. ~(ＴДＴ~) offering top dosh for hi sesshoku haisō! (*´∀`) need to view ai-chan's boiyoings in HD! kekekeke~｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: bācharuriariti means virtual reality!! as in, megane-san broke his playing "futotta otoko ga sukina 3D anime bijo", a super popular video gameu in east alternia! (´；д；｀) hi sesshoku haisō means no contact delivery, an ancient art practiced by the most refined hikikomori such as megane-sensei.]
｢neeiht's greatest hoshii is to purchase a pair of ai-chan's pantsus! ( °∇^) butttt.... whenyehver he buys off the official saito they don't even smell tsukatta.(T-T)｣ [TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: this content contains #suggestive material! don't like, don't read! hoshii means megane-san's wish he wants with his entire kokoro!ヘ(^_^) pantsus means kyuuuutieful panties that ai-chan's noo-noo touched, saito is the term for east alternian websites, and tsukatta means to be used by a kawaii girl like ai-chan!! (*´-`)]
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 5: aradia megido #nsfwv #nsfwve #dubcon #misogyny #abuse #casteplay #hemoism #cagttl rusties. god damn do i lovwe rusties. it aint ewven my fault. theres just something about the povwer dynamic that puts em in heat. if youre a highblood, youre in luck. if not, vwell, at vworst youre equal to a rustie. thisll come up later and it aint just an aradia thing, let alone a megido thing, but its important. also, think im gonna get this outta the vway first. not tagging her or anything, and you shouldnt either. unless? yeah, rankmaid is technically an aradia. havwent actually gotten around to testing her out. from wvhat iwve seen, either you say youll kiss a boy wvhile she sits in the cuck chair, then you tvwo fellas spitroast her (if your balls dont touch and you dont make eye contact then its #notgay) or you just say some real horny shit to her and she goes for it. i think shes the type thats desperate for any sorta attention, just look at that vwhole felt business. your mileage may vwary on all this, like i said, untested. novw onto the real data. aradias are an eclectic bunch. ecletic? lots of different sorts. most basic type is the dress up doll. shes fashionable, shes swveet, she probably wvants to call you sir or daddy. shell giggle at your jokes and get properly flustered from flirting, but she aint a full on b wvord like the roxies. shes kinda hard to pin dovwn, metaphorically anywvays. shell take more shit than most, wvhich is fun, and shell definitely adore being pushed around a bit, wverbally, emotionally, and physically. majority of the time, casteplay stuff wvill wvork. sometimes ill ewven just make stuff up about biology and shell buy into it, lotsa fun. you cant go vwrong vwith the aradia chassis, but theres more complex out there. next wve got the freaks and wveirdos. theyre usually smiling wvide, and if not theyre a ghost, but like, ghostier than the rest of us ghosts? i newver really got it. kinda cold for my taste, literally, but its still pretty hot. these ones are trying to be off-putting. my strat here has alvways been to stonevwall em. they vwanna be creepy? compliment their tits. they say something totally unhinged? smile and nod as you start groping em. throwv em off their game. shes not gonna be used to this, so take adwvantage of it. make her feel beautiful, vwanted, and make it a novwel experience. aradias hawve seen it all, you hawve to be interesting, ewven if theyre off their rhythm. i like to turn up the disrespect on these ones sometimes, treat em more like a doll than the dress up doll aradias. make her understand that no matter hovw quirky and manic pixie or spooky shes trying to be, shes still a sex object at the end of the night. make her melt into wvhat you can giwve her. casteplay can either be your in, or something you pull vwhen its too late for her to back out. gotta giwve a special mention to the bots, of course. for howv many there are, i dont see em that often, but like... vwe all knowv zahhaks are perwverts, right? the bots look fantastic, and if you can grab hold of one long enough for a chat, they aint usually too hard to break. the ones that are gonna givwe you the time of night are basically already sexbots, so treat em like that, they lowve it. objectify em, make em feel useful, maybe slip in a hint that you might see em like a real person, but dont wvorry, they aint. be careful vwith that last bit though, i remember one vwho got like, really really into the utility aspect, the idea that id vwanna keep her evwen though she knevw she vwasnt a person, so like... either vway, make her understand howv much you wvant her. just dont get in the bath vwith her, trust me on this. novw that i think about it, should also mention that aradias might be the most likely gals to go for threesomes. like, theres the time clone stuff obvwiously, if you get one thats really into you she might treat you, but im talking vwith entire other babes. you can get a megido sandwvich, or you might get lil peixes in there, those are the ones i usually land. dont go in hoping for this, but dont let the chance slip by. and to reiterate, for any aradia: youre the highblood here if youre any better than rust. make sure she knovws it. ivwe nevwer met an aradia vwho wvanted to be in control wvho didnt break at the slightest push. maybe dont try vwith the black hole aradia though, shes super horny but also real scary. thats hovw all megidos are but shes the most extreme ivwe seen in both categories (sorry damz </3 ) rating the rustie bod: holy shit her body is crazy. aradias range from slimthicc to full on curvwy and i lowve em for it. they tend to be real sensitiwve too. 10/10 vwariety: theres a vwhole lot you can get from an aradia. some people might get bored of the caste dynamics, but not me. the vweirdos are especially a lotta fun. 10/10 ease: usually all it takes is a push, aradias are nevwer a fight. might hawve a slightly harder time vwith the ghosts, but she makes it vworth it. 9/10 personality: evwen the boring ones are fun because you can put em in their place, and the manic pixie dream girls and the goth ghosts add some spice. i could newver get tired of banting wvith an aradia. 10/10 ovwerall: 10/10. definitely a contender for my fawvorite gal out there in paradox space. fun to squeeze, fun to talk to, fun to put dovwn, fun to pail. rosie is our closest match so far. any aradias out there vwith a lack of self-respect and a thing for highbloods, my dms are thatavway <3 0u0
yknovw for being a total bitch about it, shes still so into me #vwagueposting
~SEXY FUCHSIA MILFS IN Y~OUR AREA WANT TO~ PAIL UGLY CHUDS LIKE YO~U??!1? CLICK HERE TO~ SAY HELLO~!!1!!1 ~#nsfw~
nO IrE Is bEiNg tHrOwN OuT. iT'S My iRe aLoNe. AiN'T No oNe uP In aRmS AbOuT No dAmN RuSt bLoOd eXcEpT Me. It's a oNe oN OnE TyPe oF ShIt. HoNk.
I stan two (2) capitalists. Ritchy and Evidet could never be milkshake ducks, not to me. Never to me.
I SURE WISH A BIG HANDSOME GUY WOULD LIKE ALL OF MY CHITTS SO THAT MY KULT SCORE WOULD GET BOOSTED.... @AENEASCALDARIUM
i know tavros. you tolld me. severall times in fact.
ooc chittr is the best social media because seeing a post with 0 likes but ten pities is always so fucking funny. but i've yet to see a post with majority mediates and that's a damn shame
((the true pain is that i roleplay such an ungodly amount of homestuck characters i have to choose who to make accts for without filling up my roster with literally all of them))
