♦ pitied by @ascendedAnew
ATTENTION, WORTHLESS CHITTRLINGS. LONG TIME, NO CHITT. THERE HAVE BEEN SOME *AGGRAVATING* DEVELOPMENTS IN MY CAREER AS A PLATFORM USER, AS A CREATOR, AND ABOVE ALL, AS ONE OF THE UNLUCKY JACKOFFS STILL UNACCOUNTABLY FORCED TO EXIST IN A PLACE AND TIME WITHIN A MULTIVERSAL CONTINUITY OF ENDLESS, CACOPHONOUS FUCKRUMPUS PARADOX CHICANERY. BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BUSY TRYING AND FAILING TO WRIGGLE OUT OF THESE DEVELOPMENTS, I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN AROUND TO PROVIDE AN UPDATE. I'M GOING TO DO THAT NOW. SO DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF, BECAUSE I WON'T. I'LL JUST PULL UP THIS CHITT, SEIZE YOU VIOLENTLY BY THE HEAD, AND SHOVE YOUR BLOODSHOT GANDERBULBS AGAINST THE SCREEN UNTIL THE AMBIENT HEAT COOKS THEM LIKE EGGS. READ, SHITSPONGE. READ THIS AND GET OFF MY DORSAL RIDGE ABOUT IT, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE WHOLE. FUCKING. SCOOP. STARTING WITH THE BIG ONE. I WORK FOR THE FELT, NOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. I CAN HEAR THE QUESTION AT THE VERY FRONT OF YOUR THOUGHTSPONGE DOING BACKFLIPS, FRONTFLIPS, CARTWHEELS, AND ACROBATIC FUCKING PIROUETTES. "KARKAT, WHAT KIND OF TURBO-CHARGED JUJU-FLAVORED CRACK HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? DIDN'T YOU SPEND YOUR ENTIRE SESSION FIGHTING THIS JOLLY GREEN MANLET AND HIS BUMBLING CADRE OF BUMBLING ASS-BURGLARS? WHAT IN THE FRESH, FULMINATING *FUCK* MADE YOU SIGN A CONTRACT WITH *THESE* LOONEYBLOCK TIME BANDITS?" THE SHORT ANSWER? THE MIME MADE ME DO IT. LITERALLY. MY SPONGE STILL HURTS FROM WHERE HE SHOVED HIS PRONG IN IT LIKE A GLOVE AND MADE ME TYPE UP THAT APPLICATION. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PLAN IS HERE, BUT I'M WILLING TO BET *ANYTHING* THAT HE'S GOT ONE. SO YES. AGAINST MY WILL. AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT. AGAINST A THOUSAND ETERNITIES OF BALEFUL, ENDLESS SUFFERING, I HAVE A NEW NINE TO FIVE. AND WITH IT, A NEW TITLE. ONE WHICH I AM *OBLIGATED* TO USE IN OFFICIAL CAPACITY, BUT I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU CALL ME "CHALKBOX" WHILE I'M OFF THE CLOCK, I'M GOING TO INVENT A NEW WAY TO PERFORM A LOBOTOMY. FUCK YOU, KURLOZ. FUCK YOU, SCRATCH. AND MOST OF ALL, COMING IN HARD WITH THE FUCK YOU X3 COMBO, IT'S A WHOPPING FIVE-SCOOP, CHOCOLATE-DRIZZLED FUCK YOU SUNDAE FESTOONED WITH OBLONG BUNCHFRUIT, WHIPPED CREAM, SPRINKLES, AND A CHERRY-RED MIDDLE FINGER ON TOP FOR MR. MALDING GREEN MANLET HIMSELF. I'M WEARING THE BADGE OUT OF SPITE. I AM CLOCKING IN FOR THE LONGEST DAY AT THE LONG DAY FACTORY I HAVE EVER WORKED. AND IF I EVER MANAGE TO CLOCK OUT, THERE WILL BE *HELL* TO PAY. ANYWAYS. I HAVE TO GO MOP UP A NASTY, REEKING PUDDLE OF NON-NEWTONIAN ECTO-PHLEGM, OR SOMETHING. HERE'S A PICTURE FOR THE ALGORITHM. THIS IS THE CHALKBOX, SAYING, "GO BRING THAT PILE OF DIRTY CUPS AND PLATES IN YOUR RESPITEBLOCK TO THE SINK, YOU FILTHY, WALLOWING SLOBHOGS." HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/67CB4DD16DFF.JPG
0n0
waiit.
fiir2t of all that2 not my aa, but ii 2tiill re2pect her. 2econd of all youre merely a dii2tractiion whiile ii waiit for my 2oup two arriive.
aa she had the entire website digging and p0sting hole. if that is what y0u're doing i think there's en0ugh two spare.
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ RPF is… Real Person Fiction. ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ not that you're strange- i mean you're strange- but- ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ Ah... I don't mean to be rude but when people write ... him, in the same space as you.. You're... so much duller. ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ It’s not you—- It’s… The writing… Who the hell is Sollux Captor? ]
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ They’re… Actually… kind of … Boring…. ]
honestly i didnt want tw0 say it but i think this is for the best aa. the felt are fucked up. y0ure probably safer being a neet girlie.
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ Hey I didn't say that!!! ]
but everyone will totally know its me! 0n0
What the fuck they fired y0u? 0n0
READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ it's... uh-... it's something alright. ]
dont lump me in please
iT'S FINE, i AM FIGHTING vRISKA LIKE, eVERY NIGHT, aND LOSING MOST OF THEM, bUT NOT ALL, eVEN! rIGHT, @ARACHNIDSgRIP#9137?
mAYBE i SHOULD START, pICKING FIGHTS,,,
Remember! N0 matter h0w y0u ch00se t0 sexually express y0urself, y0u will ALWAYS be wr0ng! #nsfw
We don't factor those in our statistical analysis.
AND THAT'S ENOUGH CHITTR FOR ONE DAY.
-- carbolicGalvanologist has gone offline. [Reason: husktop exploded. Again.] --
Please never put b0dy parts in my replies ever again
YOU WILL NOT. YOUR INTERNSHIP WILL PREVENT THIS FUTURE FROM ARRIVING. HOPEFULLY. FUCKING HOPEFULLY.
How's a criminal overlord going to make me miss Culvers. I haven't thought about Culvers in a decade. Fuck's sake.
D--> When I followed @mo%ieCrystal I did so without knowledge of her activities. I want to make sure everyone is aware I am only following the account for the novelty of observing a species I have not sen before as well her knowledge in-regards to dictionary definitions. Her e%plicit content had nothing to do with this knowledge and...and I am deifnitely not interested in it.
Taaakiiing aaa shoooweeer iiis aaa niiightmaaareee! IIIt's toooleeeraaableee wheeen hooot. nooot wheeen cooold. III dooon't knooow why eeeiiitheeer!
iii stiiill feeeeeel aaas aaa ghooost, iii feeeeeel sooo muuuch. waaateeer cooold. :(
when i tell you my heart stopped the #horror https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/7fa604b52143.png
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?! HELLO?! YOU ARE TAKING WAY TOO MUCH INSPIRATION FROM THE RANKMAID THIS IS LIKE. INCHING TOWARDS RANKBAIT AS WE SPEAK!
WOW creepiest shit ive ever said and thats saying s0mething. i cant delete chitts but please ignore that.
When a post REALLY fucks me up, I just hit all of the reacts and let them make of it what they will.
my current dilemma exactly i w0uld rather rip 0ut the rest 0f my 0rgans than have t0 be in such cl0se pr0ximity t0 his 0veractive sweat glands again but the h0le is a little unsightly
is that really what passes f0r fun ar0und here d0es it n0t strike y0u as a little pathetic
i supp0se n0w is n0t a g00d time t0 inquire ab0ut s0me0ne wh0 can fill the gaping h0le in my chest where the bl00d pumper used t0 be
ive been 0n this site f0r less than an h0ur and already my feed is littered with #nsfw p0sting d0 y0u all n0t have anything better t0 d0 with y0ur time
yeah sorry toots, it vwas extremely fitting but it just wvasnt in my nature to keep that
if we d0n't count all the pr0perty damage sure why not. i kn0w i won't be paying f0r it.
wHY DOES THIS ONE FEEL NOSTALGIC,,?
i dont own human bones sorry
I have been immediately defeated by it.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
NO IM SCARED!
ARADIA HELP ME IM SCARED GET EM OUT!
ah fuck vwait
Don't honey me. I had the gumption to challenge an Empress because I like an iteration of my dead friend that I mercilessly hunted down a little bit too much!
:(
IM SETTING THE DATE!
MY TIME MACHINE GETS HOT SOMETIMES WHEN IM IN IT :(
this is defamation this didnt happen i aint a pervert i speak for every meenah out there
i wish i had bulge viewing psionics im just stuck with the voices of the dead telling me how much they hate me and how they know i should have died in the explosion without a single moment of silence since i was dragged out of the treeaboo village rubble but at least i can move heavy things sometimes i guess you know things that are two pounds maybe (tags: The Rankmaid/Psionics, #nsfw, at least some of them like my work, im supposed to leave my hive later and im sick over it, archive rating: M)
THIS IS...REALLY SWEET. THANKS, ARADIA. I'M NOT ENDEAVORING TO HATE MYSELF, REALLY, I'M JUST EXTREMELY FUCKING HATEABLE.
PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT ME IN THIS THREAD LIKE I'M NOT FUCKING HERE????????
I only )(ave t)(e one in my life. W)(ale. Naut really in my life after w)(at s)(e did!
uMM,,, wELL, yOU PROBABLY KNOW MINE, hUH,,?
38)
um???????????????????
i think i miss him m0re than i th0ught.
D --> I broke it again. Nevermind
Hell, I appreciate it 'Cause truth be told, I have no goddamn idea where they live. I was just hopin' to figure that out as I went along.
just found out he called me a bulge tease to the dead version of me i cant do anything fucking right (tags: The Rankmaid/Vagueposting, #nsfw, archive rating: M)
D --> I won't be watching the fight I have work to do
Nah.
Either everything we do matters, or none of it matters, and why spend all day crying in a corner when we co(_)ld be having f(_)n instead?
real to whom, aradia? i can knock on my desk and feel its physicality, but to some entities that's hardly as real as words on a page. let's not drown oUrselves in meaningless existentialism, eh?
ARADIA SHE HAS PLENTY OF DESPERATE SIMPS ON THIS WEBSITE DESPERATE TO GET INTO HER DMS AND UNDER HER SKIRT. ALL I WOULD BRING TO THE TABLE IS MEDIA ANALYSIS AND A SHOULDER TO CRY ON- HARDLY WORTH ANYTHING IN THE VAST SEA OF ASSHOLES SHE COULD PICK FROM.
◌ No, probably not. But thank you. ⧂
...Maybe don't take notes from )(er, )(er idea of sexy is very warped.
He's dead. I think.
on the stock market* Fuck my chud life I'm typoing.*))
二度とそんなことは言わないでください。
:I
Bark?
ah gomen will you punish me for this thing im being blamed for i dont know what it is but i will take the flogging if that is expected of me
gambare ara-chan 0n0"
youre a lot cooler than me and have the time stuff that i dont have i honestly have no idea why i got hired in the first place this is so fucked up aradia
...
i donnt thinnk you should die for annyonne.
== oh....................................... ==
Thii2 ii2 goiing two 2ound fuckiing dumb, II 2ure a2 fuck hope your other you2 are not a2 iin2ufferable priick2 a2 my other me2 were when II a2ked tho2e que2tiion2. II thiink you already have one on your2elve2 your 2iide, but 2he'2 a freak who al2o want2 you for your body (II cannot fault them for thii2).
I... Have no words, other than that 8eing *incredi8ly* concerning. #vagueposting
if she evver rejects me outright im killin evveryone on the planet and then myself
dysphoria is enough already / now i have to deal with dysmorphia / why am i like this
it's hard for me to not feel selfish / it's weird / i just feel like i'm self centered / for no reason / all the time
iwve got a newv favworite megido maybe this chick is great i think vwewve really gotta connection here maybe something ewven deeper wvink wvink
c0ldest p0ssible take, 0ther me.
NONO NONO WAIT NO I ALREADY HHHHHH FREAK OUT ENOUGHHH
Some of you hhhave... hhh... scary hhhighhh kult/kull scores... I hhhhhh don't thhhink I'd do anythhhing but hhh. Um. Maybe freak out if I hhhit 10k. HHH
Well, isn’t this rich? I’ve spent my time helping players navig8te the game and supporting the deceased, only for the random 'revive ring' and an official promotion to go to the one person who spent their entire session sa8otaging and 8ullying everyone else which led to us killing ourselves. Incredi8le. Truly a masterclass in failure. Yay! Go girl! Tonight’s lesson: 8e a total nightmare to everyone around you, and you’ll 8e handsomely rewarded! Yay! Yay! Yay!
i could take it or leavwe it tbh
↘️i initially typed up a lengthy, wordy response detailing my complete and utter disinterest in allowing you to partake in any kind of cosmetic adjustments to my person.↘️ ↗️BUT I ULTIMATELY DECIDED THAT IT CAN JUST EASILY BE SUMMED UP WITH ONE WORD INSTEAD.↗️ ↘️no.↘️