♦ pitied by @cresciveAbyss
◌ I am never going to a beach again. ⧂
Much of Uesugi Karkat's early life is completely unknown. Due to his total hemoanonymity over the many sweeps of his time in East Alternia, it cannot be deduced what province, prefecture, or continent he hailed from before his sudden arrival in Trollshiwara, the famous red light district of Troll Edo. What remains consistent is this — he arrived as a foreigner who did not speak the language, seemingly fallen out of the sky and into the cart of a local brothel owner. The owner was purportedly so taken with his boyish beauty and gap moe tsundere personality that he immediately set him to work as a courtesan within his business. It was here that Uesugi Karkat was first referred to by his East Alternian title, the AKATSUKI. Under the strict tutelage of the other courtesans, he learned to dance, sing, play music, pour tea with delicately trembling wrists, feign laughter at unfunny jokes, and weaponize the nape of his nugstalk in the way that an anglerfish lures its prey into its abyssal maw. However, accounts from the other brothel workers say that he was too ornery and foul-mouthed to do any of these things without erupting with rage. He did, however, learn the local language with surprising acuity, and the courtesans were deeply impressed with his natural propensity for writing romantic long-form poetry. Furthermore, rather than selling his concupiscent services as a low-ranking courtesan was expected to, the Akatsuki was supposedly so renowned for his talents as a pale quadrant advisor and ashen mediator that guests of some of the highest castes in Troll Edo sought him out solely for his comfort and advice. No information on the Akatsuki's hemocaste could be discerned during this time, due to never once shedding his genetic material with any customer or courtesan alike. In fact, so preternatural was his ability to touch the pusher of a customer without ever shedding his kimono that within three sweeps, he had already reached the prestigious rank among courtesans of a Boiran (boy oiran), which offered him considerable wealth and empowered him with the right to turn away any offer made in poor taste, even if they were of a higher-blooded caste. It was due to this prestige that he was later discovered by his next wealthy benefactor, who was the leader of a troupe of Grubuki actors, and began his next career as the ONNAGATA. Attached is one of the most popularly sold woodblock-print wall scrolls of his likeness, titled "Delicious Fucking Shit," for the ambiguity of its referral to either the grub-tempura or the courtesan himself. More of Uesugi Karkat's history to come in the following chitts. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/17e0aad9aa46.png #uesugikarkat
motherfucker TRIEd to wreck my QUAdRANT -posted from My Nukia N-Gage CullD
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An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. Part trois. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/69c71ccb275b.png
sometimes i worry that my messiah DOESN't really like me or hear my Prayers
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I am trying very hard to skip that step. Step 4. I am a lotus flower again.
i missed my bus
oh... i think maybe her visions make her forget how imPortant your FRIENdSHIP is you just have to show her visions that youre a suPer awesome amazing FRIENd with a true connection ANd shell go hey im really sorry i BOUNCEd i dIdNT mean it youre my favorite clown ever
i need a relationship that doesnt drive me crazy but for some reason i only seem to get involved with traitors bullies and meanie pants geez 😔
- Owwwwwww
☀︎ᯓS☆Me☆nE AtE AlL My sTaR StIcKeRs :☆\ hEaDiNg t☆ PiCk uP M☆Re :☆3ᯓ☾
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. Part deux. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/60fe1ab7fc3f.png
What is this. Who sent this to me. What does it even mean. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c85d6579cb53.png
Unreal Heiress, play Mr. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra.
I hear the pleas of the masses. But the solution here is NOT more wanton violence. No matter how you may strike this miserable starving poonhound, you will not deter him from the table! ... There is only one weapon left in my artillery. A single lethal projectile by which to silence this fool.
THANK you, Cronus. This goes to show you that no one is beyond education. ... Is something burning? OH, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE.
... :(
Just get off my post.
Crockercorp. One word, you disappointing fucking dullard. Also- the "BOARD OF DIRECTORS?" What reality are YOU dwelling under the funk of wherein OUR namesake corporation is run by ANYTHING other than our own private equity? You haven't bought back your own fucking stock? The bootstraps are for PULLING ONESELF UPWAYS, not tangling around your own gullet like an unobserved toddler stumbling into the window shades! :B But let us be quite frank with ourselves, shall we? You are cognitively ROTTING under the yoke of that contraption. You will never aspire to anything greater than burrowing mouth-first into your empress' shoe leather like a rat trying to find fresh air. And good gravy, that is ok! I have now thoroughly observed you. Beneath the heel of a more intelligent superior is precisely your niche, Jane. Hold on tight to that shelter, because we can all see VERY APPARENTLY that you do not have the chops for upper management.
An official statement on my rendezvous with @aeneasCaldarium. He joined me at the Crocker estate for supper, and we had a long, civil adult discussion on the subjects he erroneously ascribed to MY person in his sloppy pursuit of my alternates. I took great care to wipe that slate clean and to reeducate him (VERBALLY) on the state of my interests and endeavors. He was... more than receptive to my revisions. :| Then he left! I wholeheartedly accept the apology and corrected statement that followed. And that is all she wrote, buster!
Regrettably.
@gutlessGorturer Alrighty. Let us dispense with the pretense of pleasantry, here. I am going to shift to a lower gear NOT in retreat, but in response to what you must assume is a well-calculated assessment of my person. Some minor concessions. That I stress test my alternates and peers for low-risk data by which I may color my own upward momentum. Such is the necessary vehicle of self-improvement when one has blown off the training wheels and is shakily keeping upright of their own volition- something you know nothing about!! Also, they need a little pushing. It's good for them, and for you. Or it would be, if you weren't too augmented to make use of peer feedback. :P Anyhow, that is where your potency as a social saboteur falls to a fizzling, flat failure. Now on to your points in order. 1.) "Biological clock." Nonexistent. Someone tell this dizzy broad that MY ova are EVER-replenished. Frankly, you ought to know this if YOUR spawncannon is as fruitful as it must be for you to attack MY lack of reproductive bounty. I had better watch the accordion-fold print of YOUR legion of heiresses SPILL from your wallet. LET'S SEE UNREAL HEIRESS' LITTER. The mother hen scratches herself a proper nest before letting loose! I have AS LONG AS I'D LIKE to situate that space before engaging in Phase Two. 2.) You have narrated the cycle of behaviors in my posts. Congratulations. With effort, you might bust out of your CURRENT toady britches of absolute servitude and land a gig in the social media department at MY headquarters! Oh, wait, no. These are the baseline double-digit IQ observations of essentially anyone on the platform who performs a regular check-in on my page. Congratulations rescinded. 3.) I "speak like a CEO" because I am a CEO, who is electing voluntarily to share my personal opinions on certain matters on my PERSONAL SOCIAL MEDIA PAGE. If I were any battier on the main feed, it would be a disservice to my accomplishments in the court of public opinion. Again, a cavelike simplicity to the logic you wield. Could we wake up the SUPERcomputer? I fear my genetic neighbor is burning the interior of the TI-84 she's got banging around up in that empty coconut! 4.) I am a conduit of raw Creation and those properties of Life are mine to "abuse," although I take issue with your liberal application of the word. No jokes here. I am simply going to continue doing what I want! :B 5.) (To the reader: she counted my posts. What a fucking loonybird.) YOU have posted [TOO MANY] times, comprising a quantity I refuse to dignify with an actual figure. Whatever quantity of blithering has escaped your flapping mouth has run past the dadgum fill line. 6.) Eridan Week was in fact spectacular. We are eclipsing into a rare alignment of ideals for this brief moment. Bask in the shadow of my footsteps and see how much wiggle-room you've got yet to fill on those toes. 7.) Again with the a-words. Assault? I have a towering stack of liability waivers that beg to differ. Also missing the strategic point of that night and the greater event as a whole, which doesn't surprise me. You are such a dogmatic black hole that no humor may escape your gaze with ANY remaining merit, even the shroud of joviality over actual gamepiece movement! 8.) I LOATHE being subjected to the fumbling of an individual wearing my face and name. In your case, I'll give you a pass, because you've been rendered little more than an enforcer, and at that task within your own chronology I'm sure you're quite successful. I do not SELF-loathe. This is an inaccurate interpretation of my deeper motivations spawned by YOUR artificial imperative to get me on board with your Ponzi hubbub. Durr. On the off chance that these insults are being relayed strictly for guffaws (which I doubt), you're equally missing the mark. Missy, I have got your number as well as you think you've got mine. At the end of the day, I have BEEN you. You have never been me! One day, when the circlet falls from your scalp and the scales from your eyes, I will accept your blubbering apology in the form of your face mashed against the polished marble of my executive office floors. And then perhaps, PERHAPS, in the name of sisterhood, I will drop you a couple of pointers. Or maybe you'll just die like that OTHER Jane, tormented in biological inauthenticity and so augmented that her tether to Life itself pinched shut in utter rejection of her fate. But trust. It's one or the other for you. :B
... Thank you.
Legislation on Earth-C has officially outlawed the sale of all unauthorized, counterfeit materials bearing my likeness, including toys and other various silly comfortstuffs. Farewell and good riddance, "Janunu." https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/77469c7a3c16.png
HE TOOK IT OUT. HIS CANdY IS SPILLING OUT IM GOING RO BE SICK WHAT THE FUCK HOW COULd YOU dO THAT I TRUESTEd YOU WOULd YOU dO THAT TO ME WOULd YOU KILL ME ANd LET MY CAMNdY SPILL OUT FROM MY BRAIN YOU SICK FUCKS I dONT KNOW HOW IM HES EATING IT HEAS EATING HIS CANdY BRAINS YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER I HATE YOU YOU BROKE MY FUCKING PUSHER I LOVEd YOU
.oh. .thats gore. thats gore of my comfort clown ):F httPs://i.imgur.com/9OFtX98.Png #gore #clownviolence #stoPthehate
Fuck, dog. My eyes glances right over the the word more. I am fumbling this shit.
Hmm. I offer this advice then, having been in something of a simillar situation. Mind the power dynamic between the ward, and warded. I was raised by a troll. She died by my hand. This will happen to your system as well, if managed poorlly.
- Well, on mmy end of the wipe-end victory thing there's this guy I've always wanted to see experience a little good ol' fashioned, all-Alternian torture... 😆😆 And, LOL, guess what. 🫢 - They are FINALLY torturing himm. 🤣🤣😁😁😁👏👏👏 #WINNING
I know we don't always get along. Like when I forgot to bring your favorite toXic waste. Or when you crushed my first two-wheeled travel apparatus with your large body. Or when you accidentally ate my favorite pair of Slewboutins. But I'm thankful for you, nonetheless. I won't belabor the sentimentality, as I know we'd both rather be flayed and dunked into hot oil. Happy #LususDay, dumpmother. I hope you enjoy your gift. #LususReveal #MyLusus https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/7500b3ad0dfc.png - MC Oleana
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confession: i miss the shakin of artillery. if there is a mutha fuckin thing more destructive than me, it is a platform of long ranged crust shatterin 200mm cannons. honk honk. its groundin in a way. honk.
☆▪︎An anonymous troll said▪︎☆: "i think a lot of lesbians on here operate under the delusion that just because you're thirst posting as a woman, you aren't actually being off-putting or weird. let me assure you, you are." #truthnuke
im so angry right now i have to look at buxom harlequin women with PlumP figures to calm dOWN
i hoPe he keePs the hat on
on my FRIENdQUEST tomfoolery yet again heh im going to be bulgeys hero aheeha
!!!FRIENd: ACQUIREd!!!
!huh! thats a GOOd way to think about it
... but ... hrm ive never seen something be that GOOd
how the hell dOES something have 12 stars i thought there was only 5
everyone Please Pray for the messiah shes fine I just want her to SUCCEEd with her trials
i feel Pretty healthy though i dONT even have the sniffles
i am so haPPy all the other trolls like me everyone talks to me everyone wants to be my FRIENd they think i am funny they SENd me from Place to Place selling oil for their shiPs ANd rumbles in their name ANd as i get better at it they like me more ANd more i am a victor of my own success. 'PALINd' i even get a cool name a PurPose i am caPable of so much FRIENdSHIP ANd everyone sees it some nights i feel so mirthful i COULd cry, but i dONT i never dO because what WOULd be the Point every single troll in the entire universe WOULd care shout it from the hivetoPs
GOOd ANd WONdERFUL things keeP haPPening for me vesica i am so haPPy the WORLd has never been anything but KINd
i have so many FRIENdS ANd am very haPPy ANd my emPloyee is softening his calcium HARdENEd Pusher ANd ANd ANd ANd !!!!HOORAY!!!! nothing can bring me dOWN [:F
its all coming uP PinniP the messiahs love my whimsy
heh in dUE time my sweet im making sure its just right
i ACQUIREd a one scoobert dOO Painting the same time i SNAGGEd my alPha howlbeast Painting but i HAd to wait for scoobert since they NEEdEd to shiP him over
!!MY SCOOBERT dOO ARRIVEd!!
lusus Put a rock over my recouPeracoon so i COULdNT get out for almost two nights ive been messaging from my Palm husk like some KINd of stray carnie
.Please. hes just a sweet WOOdEN boy
you want to ausPitice me so BAd it makes you look dIPLOMATIC
that oleana LAdY wants to Pitch me so BAd it makes her look dOWNRIGHT silly
shes trying to make me bury my PuPPet i RESCUEd from the SANdS HELP BOOST MY KULT SO I CAN KEEP HIM
Ugh. I know you all have been waiting with baited breath. So, fine. I suppose I can no longer deny you. Get me to 10k Kult, and I'll post #NSFW of myself. I've already booked a photorturegrapher for the occasion. #Girlboss #WomenInSTEM #WomenOutOfPocket - MC Oleana
Hey Palind, we don't talk, I do see you around though. Love the dedication to your craft and Messiah and shit, if he starts crying will you post a picture?
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
hey... he better not be wearing the cllothes i made him bc otherwise that hurts
kick him off the Program ANd SENd him here
my emPloyee has FORCEd my Prong where it has been MAdE clear that corPorate corPoral Punishment is necessary to reestablish the Power dYNAMIC because he is clearly getting too massive for his cheaP 2 THREAd count britches hes Practically tearing out of them
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Can you lik£, manif£st with m£? H£s lik£ R£ALLY lik£, pissing m£ off. NOT in th£ good way.
Under t)(e nuisance guidance unrequested yet t)(oroug)(ly provided by like everyone w)(o messaged me, I did it. 38/ Youngest Alternian -Empress -Ever! Naut like a good leader needs experience or any anyfin. Or an understanding w)(olly of t)(e systems t)(ey intend to disrupt. Or anyt)(ing useful like t)(at! Ug)(. Gonna be pretty busy an -Empress. S)(orey if we were becoming fronds! 38) I will still c)(eck in.
i just WANTEd to watch squeakbeasthunt (the classic COMEdY film with Troll Nathan Lane ANd Troll Lee Evans) but it wont Play so i guess ill watch this VIdEO about some KINd of little hoofbeast Plague
- Please stop fighting in mmy mmentions. Amm trying to watch the funny patterns on the back of mmy eyelid
- All of mmy Mintylet Momments are ending 😂 #PenciledInDyingForLaterTonight #Aww
- Please, Insoector. I will mmiss Handling all these Pickles with you. It was mmy greatest joy in life, to do that
clowwns wwill come on here and document the night they had mutiliatin some random assblood they ran into wwith photographic fuckin evvidence but wwhen i say the facepaint wwearin faygo freaks oughta get rounded up and dealt wwith suddenly im the bad guy
i no i forgot ):F but i still have animosity TOWARdS his tuchus
It is time f♋︎r #allc♋︎l♋︎rsweek as I have been inf♋︎rmed! All c♋︎l♋︎rs are valid and valuable in my eyes. D♋︎wn with the hem♋︎spectrum!
I'm Close Enough To A Natural, Large Body Of Water That I Could Just Swim There, However I Have My Own Pool Because I Hate Sand And Do Not Care About The Environment.
<action; statement input; statement: if i cou|d hit a highb|ood input; statement: it wou|d be the b|ueb|ood [@gratuitousAnnuity] who mocked me when i was about to be insta||ed in the he|msb|ock input; statement: i wou|d hit him for abject crue|ty input; statement: i am a||owed to say this because he is not my superior input; statement: at |east not one who can order my punishment />
>([can i still say glub if i cant swim]
do you think if i pleaded for long enough the empress wwould let me be emperor consort for the day im not askin a lot here but theyd havve to call me some awwesome crap like his imperial cuckoldd
I'm truly convinced that some people are just made of hatred, because it doesn't matter how benign my posts are, some people will just press hate as though its their job. Hell, maybe it is. Is there a grift on botted hates?
youre gunna ♯turnintoone man its ♯over for you
It Is Making The Mother Grub Grow Maudlin
I Would Really Like To Have A Serious Discussion With Whoever Thought It Was Appropriate To Add Troll Mitskis Entire Discography To The Caverns Collaborative Playlist
dRANK musclebeast milk i may exPunge my intestinal balloons ANd dIE here messiahs #imcoming
No Please Not "First Flush/Late Bright Season" Please Please Please Stop Playing "First Flush/Late Bright Season"