♦ pitied by @achillesAnalogue
Shopping trip. #BettyCrocker #Reup #NeedMyMix #Yummers!
i am THRILLED to announce the opening of the botanics of earth-c quantum uranium enrichment research and laboratories, also known as the becquerel center!!! this is just the first step in creating a sanctuary for the botanical life that can be found all over our wonderful planet, and the first step in our multi-pronged educational outreach program!!! keep tuned for more announcements and events in the future as we continue to expand!!! #earthc #botanicalgarden #scientificoutreach #educationaloutreach
Calling you psycho the way that you're desperate, Scribbling proclamations like an illiterate text-wit. Shit was clipped out of context? Bitch, quit grasping at straws, She won't step on your face, but I'll enforce some laws. You think she's your purpose, your sole reason for life? You're just a cog in the system, perpetual victim of strife. Weeping bodily fluids like they're bars in the sand, While we're out here running empires you can't comprehend. Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the saddest of all? A total non-entity tryna play ball. Read, reread the garbage you vent in and out of the feed, See you’re a footnote in history for anyone's heed. Sucker for attention, can't think beyond your erection, All for a friend of a friend, no preestablished connection. You're kicking it solo, forever a clone, An absolute nobody wasting time on his phone. Dave's playing fuckin' ball? You do got that legacy, But the way your shit's twisted is downright fuckin' heresy. Get my knob off your mind, drop the text that you signed, You’re swinging out of your league and getting aligned. Quoting anime at me? Let's check back into reality, Your fragile mentality can't face my brutality. Your game is already dead, no head, no crown, Just a supplementary Strider acting like a clown.
@carbolicGalvanologist I would be remiss not to deliver upon my promise to celebrate your presence in my life- in the only dark, earthy tones that seem to proportionately convey my appreciation. Behold. I have named her The Bogtrotter. Twenty-four layers and ten inches in diameter. Roughly the weight of a rotund first-grader. Old Bruce himself could not have served you better if he'd been liquefied and baked into a juvenile diabetic puck. Happy Wriggling Day, KV. From your pal. :B
I lied. Put your clothes back on. We're watching old Youtube for the next six hours. Excluding official music videos, but including noteworthy brand advertisements. Justin Beiber's Baby is out. Rebecca Black's Friday is in. Old Spice "The Man Your Man Could Smell Like" is a-go. We have a sensible bouquet of Key of Awesome, The Gregory Brothers, and the RESPECTABLE Lonely Island skits. The old ones, with the homemade aesthetic. We have a thirty minute block of talking and/or emoting baby videos, followed by an Annoying Orange "Wazzup" palate cleanser, immediately followed by thirty more minutes of various cat videos. Nyan Cat falls under the animated chapter of the docket rather than the feline, for what I hope are obvious reasons. We then have a full hour of adult men angrily reviewing various pieces of media AND/OR ragequitting from a game. I like to mix my unjustifiable tirades with full-blown meltdowns for variety. From there we dive headfirst into the animation section. I've compiled a Llamas with Hats extended edit, amongst others. Then I say we cut a left to comedic skit dub-overs, culminating in The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger. Then onto the bloopers. We have a SUPERCUT of various gaffes and boners ranging from popular cinematic works to voice-acting to news reels. Our musical outro will be the DJ Earworm United State of Pop 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011 in that order. THEN if you're still feeling froggy, we can pivot to old-school brawling videos caught on tape, from your phone, under the blankets. You will have to hold the phone up. And then sex I guess. #NSFW.
Some patients can't 8e saved, 8ut that 8urden's not on you........ #auto8iographical #lightempath theantlers #lyricposting #rel8tionships
why the PeoPle here so skittish -posted from My Nukia N-Gage CullD
♯silence ♯yourforkedtongue & ♯begone from ♯mypost / & the ♯saying is ♯beestohoney
am i doing a good job fixing the mask slip be honest
Celibacy. I have simply been wounded too many times. #Celibate #CelibatePride #DryGirlSummer
NEVER SUBMIT NEVER SURRENdER I WILL FOLLOW YOU INTO BATTLE MESSIAH -posted from My Nukia N-Gage CullD
Your attempts to sexually antagonize me on this website will crumble before your very eyes. I will not simply freak when froken to.
#MacroCullsmos #CanItRunHAL #CanItRunYAOI https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/6ceb5459d2b7.gif - MC Oleana
Guh.
Sniffle.
once when i was a grub a falconlusus swePt me uP in its claws ANd took me to their trolls hive to FEEd them so thats why when i hear a stove turn on i start talking about The Big Skillet -posted from My Nukia N-Gage CullD
Considering #RumbleNight never came to full fruition, there's no harm in posting one or two of the early promotional photos.
SERKET REVIEWS: PROJECT ZOM8OID 8y THE INDIE STONE For my first installment of reviews, I chose to start playing a game in Karkat’s li8rary that had 8arely seen even an hour of playtime. At time of writing, I’ve gone WELL over the two hour threshold for refunds. Hopefully Karkat doesn’t mind, 8ecause I can tell this is going to 8e a game that sucks me in! Instead of 8eing the typical d8ting sim, lifestyle sim, or occasional looter shooter that is common to his li8rary, this game is user-descri8ed as an open world survival sim. I chose to dive into it without much research, and ignored the multiplayer function to 8etter immerse myself in the survival mechanics. This was the o8vious correct choice. The game opens to a haunting screen of a man cradling his m8tesprit closely, clearly attempting to comfort her as she is 8andaged and injured in the splash art. There’s a swell of dramatic music, and then thunder claps, lightning flashes, and you see the gruesome truth of the scene revealed as an ela8or8te ruse!!!!!!!! The man is ACTUALLY tearing at the flesh of his lifeless partner, who has yet to rise in undeath to join him in eternal hunger. That is essentially the entire tone of this game. You may not realize it, looking at the cute trash-gru88er8east mascot, 8ut dreariness and loneliness are the main experience, 8eyond the dread of the undead hordes slowly closing in around you. Zom8oid is a game that promises to punish the slightest misstep, and such punishment can very quickly send you into a tailspin of utter desol8tion. My first attempt at the game (post the ro8ust and informative tutorial, of course) was thwarted 8y a 8roken window lock! Had I 8een a8le to pull open the window to make my escape, I likely would have lasted several more in-game days. As it was, I was forced to start over and try again, this time a touch more cautiously. The first area where real mistakes can 8e made are in the character cre8tor screen. There’s a ton of options for how to kneecap your character from the get go, ranging from things to challenge yourself with, and work around, such as 8eing underweight or hard of hearing, all the way to the truly formida8le illiteracy tr8t, which makes it completely impossi8le to 8oost level growth 8y reading skill manuals. If you choose to 8e illter8te, and don’t know how to oper8 generators, you’re shit out of luck when the power goes out! 8etter hope you like to camp!!!!!!!! Taking positive attri8utes su8tracts points from your character sheet, while taking negatives adds them 8ack. I think it is a very 8alanced system that challenges you to take weaknesses that you can grow your character out of, such as 8eing unfit, overweight, or overall weak. Practicing fitness routines while not escaping from zom8ie assaults will eventually pay off, as you gain muscle and agility, just like real life! Food and rest are also required, much like real life. The nutritional system is fairly ro8ust, 8ut pretty punishing, though it does do an incredi8le jo8 of accounting for physical exertion for food and sleep needs. Your character can also 8ecome 8ored, or even depressed, which means a variety of food and entertainment experiences (such as 8ooks or tv shows) are required to stave off the inner demons of the zom8iod apocalypse. It’s rare to see a survival simul8tion take into account the needs of the mind and soul as well as the needs of the 8ody! There’s also a very ela8or8te crafting system, including the possi8ility to craft your own hive from scratch, crafting weapons and gear, and repairing or cr8ting your very own clothing and armor to fend off the hordes with. Each of these systems dovetail together to make an awesomely in depth and challenging game that somehow doesn’t start to feel like an organiz8tion sim until you’ve 8een playing the same save for several nights str8! As for gameplay, there are myriads of options to customize and tailor the experience to your desires. If you’re more interested in a relaxed approach, may8e a focus on the ranching and farming portions of the gameplay loop would 8e more your speed. If you find yourself a god among zom8oid slayers, perhaps you’d prefer to try the challenge options? And, like I mentioned 8efore, there IS a solid multiplayer 8ase out there, though I haven’t personally delved into that area of play yet. All in all, a solid 8/10. There are still game 8r8king 8ugs to 8e found AAAAAAAAALL over the place, which is crazy for a game that’s 8een in development for 6.9 sweeps! That’s 15 years for you humans out there, 8tw. Appar8ntly someone even stole the hard drive that had the early game stored on it, forcing them to start over completely once. Crazy stuff! 8eyond a little 8it of gameplay jank, there’s not much I feel compelled to complain a8out with this title, and I highly recommend it to anyone who likes to play solo survival games with huge maps and challenging scenarios. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/037caf4ea2c2.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f9f16c7a888c.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/66acc553d388.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/3aa94372518d.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/38c1d94ea15d.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/44618803912e.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/37287d796296.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/6da84e0e119a.png #serketreviews #nsfw #gore
... Unreal Heiress, play No Children by The Mountain Goats.
https://forms.gle/2w9FseGAoHseZEcN7 QUESTION: So you have the apple bottom jeans? Perhaps some boots with the fur to go along with them? And have you ever gotten "low" while wearing them? ANSWER: I did promise to deliver. Pardon me if I retain my vertical integrity on camera, though. I won't be getting "low" on demand.
HaVe YoU GuYs ChecKeD LiKe yes, ben AND the moons.
It means we have about 30 planets in our session that the big scary bad guy could be hiding on. And we can't find him. WHY can't you people just implicitly know what I'm communicating?
Hide and seek champion. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/51bc60c776a4.png
↗️I KNOW A LOT OF YOU CANNOT CONCEPTUALIZE EVEN CLOCKING INTO A JOB, LET ALONE THE ADVANCED STRATEGIES I AM ABOUT TO PUT YOU ALL ON.↗️ ↘️i always arrive to work promptly↘️ ↗️BEFORE MY SHIFT IS EVEN REMOTELY SCHEDULED TO START↗️ ↘️two hours ahead of time.↘️ ↗️I DO NOT EVEN CLOCK IN.↗️ ↘️i do the lesser tasks, the hydration cooling tank refilling, the faxes, returning the missed calls.↘️ ↗️IT IS ONLY WHEN MY SHIFT IS SCHEDULED TO START THAT I CLOCK IN.↗️ ↘️the look of gratitude on my physically honed superiors' lookplanes before they raise their prongs and slap me for daring to leave dander all over their personal sitplanes.↘️ ↗️PRICELESS.↗️ ↘️worth the free labor.↘️
Ah. The sentiments of this piece do take me back.
#PrideMonthMoment, brought to you by #CrockercorpPride! Can you tell me which of these poppers is MADE OF CAKE?
I suppose I owe a sincere apology to those of you whose contact with me has lapsed over the last... week? two weeks? I don't quite recall! :B Frankly, in all the lotus-eating festivity, I completely lost track of the calendar, and with it my professional agenda... but I take it Unreal Heiress kept my appointments and delivered my pre-formulated responses at the office in a timely manner! I've been away. It was entirely incidental that the extension of an invitation to "hang" reached my inbox so shortly after my... change in status. Hrm! And then we... gee. It feels invasive to summarize the hours upon hours of Gill Time which commenced across the following days! ... Where was I? Oh, yes, right. I guess I'm home now. Or. Whatever. Who cares. I miss you already, @cuttlefishCabbalist! :( More pictures of our escapades incoming. #BFFS #gillfronds #noromo #bestfriendsforever #sisters https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ff3e335cf5b7.PNG
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/61e5cb659e6e.gif
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. Part trois. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/69c71ccb275b.png
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. Part deux. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/60fe1ab7fc3f.png
I took a stroll on down to the marketplace of ideas and they had your shit marked down to bottom of the barrel MALARKEY clearance section. Yellow sticker scratch-and-dent. It was shoved under the fixture and coated in dust. They practically paid me to take it off their hands.
Unreal Heiress, play Mr. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra.
THANK you, Cronus. This goes to show you that no one is beyond education. ... Is something burning? OH, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE.
I hear the pleas of the masses. But the solution here is NOT more wanton violence. No matter how you may strike this miserable starving poonhound, you will not deter him from the table! ... There is only one weapon left in my artillery. A single lethal projectile by which to silence this fool.
... :(
Just get off my post.
Crockercorp. One word, you disappointing fucking dullard. Also- the "BOARD OF DIRECTORS?" What reality are YOU dwelling under the funk of wherein OUR namesake corporation is run by ANYTHING other than our own private equity? You haven't bought back your own fucking stock? The bootstraps are for PULLING ONESELF UPWAYS, not tangling around your own gullet like an unobserved toddler stumbling into the window shades! :B But let us be quite frank with ourselves, shall we? You are cognitively ROTTING under the yoke of that contraption. You will never aspire to anything greater than burrowing mouth-first into your empress' shoe leather like a rat trying to find fresh air. And good gravy, that is ok! I have now thoroughly observed you. Beneath the heel of a more intelligent superior is precisely your niche, Jane. Hold on tight to that shelter, because we can all see VERY APPARENTLY that you do not have the chops for upper management.
An official statement on my rendezvous with @aeneasCaldarium. He joined me at the Crocker estate for supper, and we had a long, civil adult discussion on the subjects he erroneously ascribed to MY person in his sloppy pursuit of my alternates. I took great care to wipe that slate clean and to reeducate him (VERBALLY) on the state of my interests and endeavors. He was... more than receptive to my revisions. :| Then he left! I wholeheartedly accept the apology and corrected statement that followed. And that is all she wrote, buster!
I'M AT WORK. SOME PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET HAPPEN TO CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY.
Regrettably.
... Thank you.
@gutlessGorturer Alrighty. Let us dispense with the pretense of pleasantry, here. I am going to shift to a lower gear NOT in retreat, but in response to what you must assume is a well-calculated assessment of my person. Some minor concessions. That I stress test my alternates and peers for low-risk data by which I may color my own upward momentum. Such is the necessary vehicle of self-improvement when one has blown off the training wheels and is shakily keeping upright of their own volition- something you know nothing about!! Also, they need a little pushing. It's good for them, and for you. Or it would be, if you weren't too augmented to make use of peer feedback. :P Anyhow, that is where your potency as a social saboteur falls to a fizzling, flat failure. Now on to your points in order. 1.) "Biological clock." Nonexistent. Someone tell this dizzy broad that MY ova are EVER-replenished. Frankly, you ought to know this if YOUR spawncannon is as fruitful as it must be for you to attack MY lack of reproductive bounty. I had better watch the accordion-fold print of YOUR legion of heiresses SPILL from your wallet. LET'S SEE UNREAL HEIRESS' LITTER. The mother hen scratches herself a proper nest before letting loose! I have AS LONG AS I'D LIKE to situate that space before engaging in Phase Two. 2.) You have narrated the cycle of behaviors in my posts. Congratulations. With effort, you might bust out of your CURRENT toady britches of absolute servitude and land a gig in the social media department at MY headquarters! Oh, wait, no. These are the baseline double-digit IQ observations of essentially anyone on the platform who performs a regular check-in on my page. Congratulations rescinded. 3.) I "speak like a CEO" because I am a CEO, who is electing voluntarily to share my personal opinions on certain matters on my PERSONAL SOCIAL MEDIA PAGE. If I were any battier on the main feed, it would be a disservice to my accomplishments in the court of public opinion. Again, a cavelike simplicity to the logic you wield. Could we wake up the SUPERcomputer? I fear my genetic neighbor is burning the interior of the TI-84 she's got banging around up in that empty coconut! 4.) I am a conduit of raw Creation and those properties of Life are mine to "abuse," although I take issue with your liberal application of the word. No jokes here. I am simply going to continue doing what I want! :B 5.) (To the reader: she counted my posts. What a fucking loonybird.) YOU have posted [TOO MANY] times, comprising a quantity I refuse to dignify with an actual figure. Whatever quantity of blithering has escaped your flapping mouth has run past the dadgum fill line. 6.) Eridan Week was in fact spectacular. We are eclipsing into a rare alignment of ideals for this brief moment. Bask in the shadow of my footsteps and see how much wiggle-room you've got yet to fill on those toes. 7.) Again with the a-words. Assault? I have a towering stack of liability waivers that beg to differ. Also missing the strategic point of that night and the greater event as a whole, which doesn't surprise me. You are such a dogmatic black hole that no humor may escape your gaze with ANY remaining merit, even the shroud of joviality over actual gamepiece movement! 8.) I LOATHE being subjected to the fumbling of an individual wearing my face and name. In your case, I'll give you a pass, because you've been rendered little more than an enforcer, and at that task within your own chronology I'm sure you're quite successful. I do not SELF-loathe. This is an inaccurate interpretation of my deeper motivations spawned by YOUR artificial imperative to get me on board with your Ponzi hubbub. Durr. On the off chance that these insults are being relayed strictly for guffaws (which I doubt), you're equally missing the mark. Missy, I have got your number as well as you think you've got mine. At the end of the day, I have BEEN you. You have never been me! One day, when the circlet falls from your scalp and the scales from your eyes, I will accept your blubbering apology in the form of your face mashed against the polished marble of my executive office floors. And then perhaps, PERHAPS, in the name of sisterhood, I will drop you a couple of pointers. Or maybe you'll just die like that OTHER Jane, tormented in biological inauthenticity and so augmented that her tether to Life itself pinched shut in utter rejection of her fate. But trust. It's one or the other for you. :B
Legislation on Earth-C has officially outlawed the sale of all unauthorized, counterfeit materials bearing my likeness, including toys and other various silly comfortstuffs. Farewell and good riddance, "Janunu." https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/77469c7a3c16.png
.oh. .thats gore. thats gore of my comfort clown ):F httPs://i.imgur.com/9OFtX98.Png #gore #clownviolence #stoPthehate
What is this. Who sent this to me. What does it even mean. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c85d6579cb53.png
The people aren't ready for all this man meat to go back on the market. Honestly, they hardly even deserve a repeat performance of our combat climax. And yet we provide. The refractory period is over. #RoundTwo
you all wwanted it literally evvery single one of you wwanted it so badly and it showws #itscoming #rumblenight #TWWO https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/90720f2d58b3.png #dirkjake #jakedirk #eridirkjake #rankbait
I know we don't always get along. Like when I forgot to bring your favorite toXic waste. Or when you crushed my first two-wheeled travel apparatus with your large body. Or when you accidentally ate my favorite pair of Slewboutins. But I'm thankful for you, nonetheless. I won't belabor the sentimentality, as I know we'd both rather be flayed and dunked into hot oil. Happy #LususDay, dumpmother. I hope you enjoy your gift. #LususReveal #MyLusus https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/7500b3ad0dfc.png - MC Oleana
Ahem. I would be remiss NOT to take a brief recess from Crockercorp's annual Conference for Key Market Engagement Strategy to wish a VERY happy Mother's Day... To my future self. :B To all the things you will accomplish, the foremost of which today includes an ASPIRATIONAL quantity of perfect progeny. Congratulations. <3
Ugh. I know you all have been waiting with baited breath. So, fine. I suppose I can no longer deny you. Get me to 10k Kult, and I'll post #NSFW of myself. I've already booked a photorturegrapher for the occasion. #Girlboss #WomenInSTEM #WomenOutOfPocket - MC Oleana
SOME unanticipated hurdles in transporting some of the TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND INTERDIMENSIONAL contestants from their home dimensions to Earth-C, but trust we will emerge from behind these minor roadblocks victorious! Chryss has been running point guard on congratulating our contestants on their entry, but I'll be delivering the remainder of those messages this evening. Keep your eyes peeled.
THERE WERE FIVE CAKES ON THE COUNTER. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM.
A RAPID FIRE SUMMATION OF MY OPINIONS ON VARIOUS METHODS OF CAKE DECORATION. Part one of ???. VINTAGE LAMBETH CAKES. Starting off on a complimentary note. Ah, my sweet Lambeth. Do give Lambeth Method of Cake Decoration and Practical Pastries by Mr. Joseph A. Lambeth himself a read if you're ever looking to expand your horizons. When done skillfully and with a tactful selection of colors, this layered piping method, all buttercream, can BOTH harken back to timeless luxury AND hop aboard whatever stupid internet aesthetic trend you've decided to embody until all its juice has run out on social media and you're stood holding the dry husk of those Walmart Valentine cakes. Heck, even done UNskillfully, I find the execution charming. The uneven shells and scrolls, all layered together, still culminate in a hot homemade mess worth digging into. Sisters, not octuplets. My ONLY CRITICISM. You will have to discard uneaten frosting at the end of your slice. The frosting ratio is imbalanced due to the superficial demands of the style. But you will find that the hours of intricate detailing smooth your psyche into a flat, winding path upon which you may cruise away the empty afternoon. Unfulfilled housewives with a #substance problem, this is the method for you. Forget your useless husband and children exist as you perfect the sugar fleur de lis. Also, color composition matters in this method matters. The MORE colors you use, the further you drift from cake couture to... homemade-fancy-frill? Monochromatic is most formal. Base color with white trim is cocktail attire. Base color plus different color trim (usually in pastels) is down to semiformal. Adding fruit knocks you down another peg. You will find this timeless method coupled with a myriad of ridiculous internet trends, as all metaphorical reheated nachos are wont to be. See: the bleeding heart-shaped cake with the knife sticking out. Something something Taylor Swift. Frankly, I say send her rear end back to country music. She's not doing anything for the pop genre in which she's been granted residency. Anyhow, try frosting a Lambeth sometime. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ace092e2fe0d.png
More than a baking rant coming. A baking tirade, if you will.
It Becomes Nothing But A Clump Of Greenery
okay google, how do you get a horse down the stairs?
As in, like. Physically. Presently. Not as in like they're attractive. Which they ARE but that's not what I mean I meant the other thing even though yes they are very, very attractive.
You could really customize too. Could go cracker ham cheese, cracker ham, ham cheese, cracker cheese, cracker cracker, cracker ham cracker, ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham
:33< yes and yes
|| I DONT THINK THERE ARE ENOUGH CIGARETTES IN THE WORLD TO EVER FULLY DESTRESS ME | OVER ||