♥ liked by @anyphaenidsGrandeur

૮₍⑅´꒳`₎ა hello⁀excuse⁀me⁀hi⁀hey! down⁀here!!! i⁀really⁀like⁀that⁀line!

There is an expectation to be silly. And ridiculous. On this website. But I am neither silly nor ridiculous. I see no appreciation for people who are goal oriented. And making change. And chasing their goals. Very fast. With weapons.
if other peoplle didnt post shit i woulldnt have to replly and get mad about it! we need modern science on this probllem asap

well i mean. i don't want people getting hurt over being mean! but i do think it's not unreasonable to consider it amusing. exaggeration is not the same thing as intent. i'm not quite verbose enough for this. and bad people shouldn't be punished so much as just. stopped from being able to do bad things, or made to want to do good things. and i don't mean that in some ripping autonomy thing!!! i want people to be nice. to be happy.
also dexided im gonna start assignin every1 a pony from mlp i hav not watched it but i kno them spriitually

I watched the implosion last night, would recommend.

guess this is wat we doin now @cuttlefishCrusher @tentaclesTherapist @anyphaenidsGrandeur yall great and u kno it #womanposting
:33 < BREAKING NEWS!!! Chittr user and local sexless fuckboy who has b33n recently jailed for 'Crimes', @aeneasCaldarium has reportedly b33n given a TRAMP STAMP in prison?! This perhaps breaks the WORLD RECORD for recieving a tattoo in prison set previously by @glamorousAuspaciar ! What do you think? Has Cronus lost his way, or are you just curious who that stud who gave him the ink in the first place is?

Me to+o+. I'm no+t sure if we're talking abo+ut the same o+ne, but even if no+t, I think it's fair to+ wo+rry abo+ut mo+st o+f them.

y34h s4m3 grl...

38*
౷KAY PERI౷୭ ꩜ I can respect it ༘⋆ ༘⋆

Trying at all puts you very far ahead, and does not go unnoticed.

compared to all da sickos and creeps round id say we glubbin saints

READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ Huh. Neat. Happy wrigglin' day to the glasses ptitsa and veck then! ]

Glub!

https://i.postimg.cc/fLX5ZJX4/what-the-fuck.png (( I cannot post this in character because SHE WOULDN'T DO THIS, but this is what @orphanerDualscar and Mindfang's DM's exchanges feel like half the time they talk. ))

READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ The experience on Beforus has been unfavorable, possibly due to the fact I've been outside of the main civilization so far. Though I'd rather choke than get culled by a higherblood by accident. ]

this B-EAC)( deadass pulled up with a hammer the size a my lusus just to beat me yo smh #embarrassin nvm da braids ill fix em up later @ectoBiologist#6844 #meenahmemoriam https://64.media.tumblr.com/3ae4ad2e9392a2f9e4d153b4a2ef8661/b5cc23915fc8f329-53/s1280x1920/80bfe83a03adaf7a3ece4cde5f04de331e0d0687.jpg
II made my2elf a driink and II thiink II naiiled iit actually. http2://f2.tw0yh0u.2e/fiile/f2-tw0yh0u-2e/iimage2/118217710_2TayKVKqDBBc0lA.jpg

((A friend pulled this quote up actually lol. Porrim gets shit on as the "rabid feminist" parody but she's literally not, she's on point with all her critiques but the fandom ignores what she has to say. I wish there was a word that might describe why she gets ignored but Kankri and Cronus are listened to and given a pass. Oh well!))

((Relevant Porrim quote of the day: But anyone who's looked at our society more honestly can see that while, yes, it is superficially observed as a matriarchy on a fuschia-down basis, on a practical level all of the enforcement and political power governing most classes was delegated to the higher CIPs, which were generally male-dominated castes. They got to control the agenda and dictate the social conventions, and anyone who dared to object or bring light to this could always be countered with "Hey! Matriarchy! End of discussion."
That ii2 a 2trange 0piinii0n tw0 have, when the Captw0r liine ii2 ju2t a magnet 0f bad luck and mii2f0rtune2. Maybe II wiill c0me back tw0 thii2 eventually. Maybe.
There's a /ot of ta/k of ancestors on the feed tonight. Whi/e I don't persona//y put stock in the idea, I persona//y know a good number of tro//s who find the concept va/uab/e, if not crucia/, in their search for identity. So, I'// be doing something of a po// with this post's engagement. <3 if you c/aim an ancestors of your own. <> If you be/ieve in the concept but haven't identified yours <3< if you persona//y be/ieve the who/e thing is stupid c3< if you don't give a fuck, don't get it, or aren't a tro//
We have event days set up for #chilistrip! It's set for Wednesday through Friday, all day until the end of Friday! You can join both the SERVER and the Parp Chatroom! The Parp chatroom will be inactive UNTIL Wednesday. The Discord Server will be available for use all the time for casual interactions and smaller events! The time allotted is to allow people not in my timezone, US EASTERN TIME have as much time to join and participate in the events!

next time id recommend consultin me on matters wwhere you might find yourself clingin to foolhardly hope against ovverwwhelmin odds ill get you sorted

Right?

((re: my last ooc post - things are okay now. who knew that just having an honest adult conversation and communicating with your loved ones can resolve conflicts and everything can be okay again!!! crazy shit!! ))

https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/SZg8V8eooHCkMfgYDj48nk.jpg Enough 8ush talk and more a8out the Artemis II crew who captured this shot a few nights ago 8y pure luck! 8ecause the mission launch was delayed, the crew found themselves or8iting the moon at the exact moment of an eclipse. Normally, we expect the moon to 8e cast in total shadow from our perspective on Earth. However, the crew was treated to a rare sight where part of the moon remained partially lit. This is due to 'Earthshine', sunlight reflecting off the Earth and 8ouncing 8ack onto the lunar surface!
> The roleplaying site I run is taking up so mmuch space it can't handle the other two servers I run > However to commbat this I'mm taking away somme of your rights! > Autommatically signed your lives away upon creating the account. #girlsinstemm

i do NOT have a pho8ia thats cray talk yunno what just dm me fore this thread goes on for the next cod knows how many sweeps 38/
I hardly mind. This site isn't one for making proper acquaintance, moreso for replying to posts without introducing oneself first (trust me, I have, and the response to it was not kind). It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Aranea, and I appreciate both your help and the chance to speak with a fellow scholar again.

ok ok im lookin! damn son i wasnt tryna twist your horn boat it serk i dont give a glub how tall ya are reely you cod be half my height youd still be da same blabberchute i always known

Su8sequent to your adult molt, a secondary molt will occur some hundreds of sweeps later aswell, making you grow even taller. Though the underlying reason remains unknown, I speak from personal experience.

It remains a curious oversight that so many mistake The Orphaner for a pir8te, failing to recognise the legal Empirical servitude of his status as a priv8teer.
|| & i am bbeingg informedd i am not supppposedd to tell ppeopple i kill for less
This community has given me great insight into the world beyond our home planet. I see, in so many of the people here, the echoes of the trolls I love and the dreams I strive for. Across time, space, and probability, we are all more alike than we think.
— They Sound Simi\ar To A Kind Of Beast I Have Hunted On My Wor\d. It Seems \ike\y That Whatever Aff\iction Creates Them Is Common To Tro\\kind, For My P\anet Has \ived For Sweeps In Iso\ation From The Broader Empire, Yet These Oi\b\ooded Corpses Are A\\ Too Common A Sight. ->

To the early morning Arenea’s out there, I can’t match your smarts, not by a long shot, but never forget how beautiful a fact can be, of history, of life, of soul Even my dumbass learned a thing or two from you gals, so thanks for that

aiighhhtt maybe im a spider fan a lil.

megidd0 was kn0wn in the akkadian language used in assyria as magiddu, magaddu. in egyptian, it was maketi, makitu, and maked0. in the canaanite-influenced akkadian used in the amarna letters, it was kn0wn as magidda and makida. it was k0ine greek: μαγεδών/μαγεδδώ, magedón/mageddó in the septuagint; latin: magedd0 in the vulgate. k0ine greek: ἁρμαγεδών, r0manized: harmagedōn, a transliterati0n 0f the hebrew har megidd0 "m0unt megidd0". the b00k 0f revelati0n describes an ap0calyptic battle at armagedd0n in revelati0n 16:14. fr0m this appearance in a well-kn0wn eschat0l0gical text, the term "armagedd0n" has c0me t0 signify any w0rld-ending catastr0phe. i like wikipedia. 0u0

It would require a considera8le degree of idiocy to maintain the 8elief that the Signless has 8een preserved in memory. Every record pertaining to him, as well as the remnants of his adherents, has 8een expunged. On top of that, if you are indeed situ8ted on Alternia, you would not to possess such inform8tion at all, lest of all 8roadcast it if you did. The whole idea of purging adults from the planet was that such ideals no longer were orally transcended down. Children do not remem8er a time they were not existing in, so all inform8tion you have is fa8ric8ted at 8est.

I support women's rights and well as women's wrongs, and you should too.

i'm gonna be preoccupied trying to get a slumber party rolling!

maybe next time theyll get coolscar
i wish we had a question mark reaction cuz some of u guys r stupid af

finding out that my terezi having a tail is like, not a constant is certainly something.
you know if i couldnt count on someone to make it weird id say both of our species could really use some biology lessons
oh yeah yeesh that is a very good point

fair enough gill lmao
[“…What the Christ-shitting fuck are you talking about?” Acorn neighed. Dirk shrugged. “You tell me. But all that aside, I should tell you how this all will go down. Now, Acorn, even the most cursory examination of your crimes makes it apparent that your soul is unfit for any sort of reward in the afterlife. But torture and torment hardly seem right either.” “Yes. We won’t’ be making a choice between heaven and hell,” Betancourt said. “It’s much more weighty than that. It’s a choice between existence and nonexistence.” Minos nodded. “We — well, the two of them — have control over your narrative. They can rewrite it so that you never existed at all.” “The question is not what you deserve,” Dirk said, “but whether you deserve. With the sins that you have committed, Acorn, do you deserve to have ever lived at all?” Acorn pranced and snorted. “Do you think I give a shit? Erase me, delete me, whatever it is you’ll do. Nonexistence doesn’t scare me.” Dirk shook his head. “No, Acorn, I know that you don’t give a shit.” He turned his head slightly so a beam of light glinted off his sunglasses in a cool and dramatic way. “But I think that Anna would give a shit.” Acorn stood still. “…Just hurry the fuck up and judge me.” 17a) Minos: Do you remember why we have come here today? Is it not true that our purpose is to hear the sins of this pony, known as Acorn? And is it not further true that the three of us, after listening to said sins, shall make a judgment concerning the fate of Acorn’s existence? Acorn: Yes, we all know that already. And why are you using so many rhetorical questions? Betancourt: Yes, Minos, all you say is true. Minos: And what form shall our judgment take? Is it not true that each of us shall cast their own vote, and whatever ruling has gained the majority of the votes shall be enacted? This seems a just system. Is there anything I have omitted from my telling? Dirk: Nothing, Minos. Betancourt: True, it is just as you have said, Minos. Minos: Very good. And now, Dirk, you, I suppose, should speak next, after duly calling upon the Gods. Acorn: What’s going on? Dirk: All men, Minos, who have any degree of right feeling, at the beginning of every enterprise, whether small or great, always call upon God. And we, too, who are going to discourse of the nature of sin, of guilt, and of punishment, must invoke the aid of Gods and Goddesses and pray that our words may be acceptable to them and consistent with themselves. Acorn: Why is my name over there on the left in front of everything I say? Betancourt: Come, then, clear-voiced Muses, whether you have gained this epithet because of the quality of your singing or because the Ligurians are so musical, grant me your support in the judgment that my colleagues and I shall soon make.] #DetectivePony
[“The point, Acorn,” Jeanne continued, interrupting my didactic parenthetical edification, “is that we created you, and so we’re in a unique position to judge you for the horrible things you’ve apparently done.” “‘Apparently’?” Acorn whinnied. “So you don’t even know what you’re judging me for?” “They don’t know yet,” Dirk said. “I’m going to have to read them.” He pulled a thin, worn paperback book from his back pocket. Its cover showed a picture of a pony, and was defaced with some vulgar and hilarious text. “‘Read’ being a loaded term, of course. Vocare versus legere. Isn’t it funny that the English word doesn’t distinguish between reading silently and reading aloud? We need separate modifying words to clarify. The father phoneme and the filial grapheme reunited by ambiguity.” Minos and Betancourt were rolling their eyes as if they were desperate gamblers down to their last dollar and said eyes were their lucky pair of dice. They were rolling them pretty fucking hard, is the point. Dirk continued, undeterred. “The closest we have to a unique verb for reading aloud in English is probably “recite” — from the Latin “recitare,” which can mean either “to repeat from memory,” or “to read aloud.” But the English “recite” has almost entirely the implication of speaking from memory, not directly from a page. The mind as an intermediate step between text and mouth, words being inscribed on the surface of the brain before being spoken. That word — inscribe — is really the heart of it all, isn’t it? Scirbere, to write. Inscribe, not just to write, but to write into, to embed words in the page. To recite is to speak aloud the words written into the brain by the page. A reversal of the standard interpretation of causation. Page writing into man, the source and receiver of the violence flipped. Speaking as reading, reading as speaking; reading as writing, writing as reading. So when I say that I will ‘read’ your sins, it should be clear that I’m simultaneously reading and writing, but equally clear that there is no difference at all between those two actions.”] #DetectivePony
“I had the epiphany that laughter was light, and light was laughter, and that this was the secret of the universe.” *Excerpt from The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

EARTH IS SO INTERESTING. THANK YOU FOR SHARING.

the human. known as jesus. never died. he just. tucked his pods. and prongs. in. turned into. a ball. and rolled away.

hehe, gosh, i'm learning more about that from you than i did growing up.

Conc)(sider me a student and )(appy to read all of t)(is for some extra at )(ive sc)(oolfeeding. Let's see w)(at we can learn.

T)(is is suc)( GR--EAT information about --Eart)( and )(uman traditions. You've got me )(OOK--ED. 38D
I understand that to"day" is a day of festivities / celebrations for humans, compared so far to the mythos of the Sufferer with several key differences. The concept of Alien holidays is a fascinating one, where each holiday has its own history explaining a different aspect of a species' history, beliefs, values, and customs... I would love to learn more about what this specific holiday is meant to represent, the customs of it, and anything else relevant if any humans are willing to give me the time to explain. Otherwise, I will likely observed the "TL" and take notes on the bits of information I am able to gleam about it from posts.

HE IS A VERY INTERESTING CHARACTER. IN MY VIEW, I WONDER ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS. OF HAVING TO BETRAY IN ORDER FOR JESUS’ PROPHESY. TO COME TRUE. AS WELL THAT, HE COMMITTED IT. OF HIS OWN VOLITION. THERE IS SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. I NEED TO MAKE ANOTHER REPORT OF HUMAN THEOLOGY.
as llittlle as i respect the average eridan i cant say i llove the human authority figure stringing him up. feells kinda... wrong.
AGREED. THE PITY OPTION IS *CLOSE,* BUT I READ IT MORE AS A WITHERING STARE OF JUDGEMENT.
mediate may not be the best choice but i lyke to think that wyth each club dropped, a sense of my utter bewilderment grows!

gotta be reel imma lil conflicted boat this. on tha one hand i do like a public execution an he totally deserves it. On tha orter hand... i already krilled that guy once so like my own shit is settled with him #eridanweek

(( Basically: Every woman is hot except for the Empress. dsidsdsdd ))
kicking my feet giggling i haven't roleplayed in literal years and i love roleplaying sm and the people that are in the community everyone is so cool and awesome >v< admittedly i should have returned to roleplaying sooner but after some certain events in my life i had been offput from the topic out of fear (don't wanna describe them rn, they're blagh) and i also just never really found a website in specific that i vibed with after the one i had been using like. Shut Down For Good right after I left lol fun fact- this is my first time rping proper on an actual webbedsite for homestuck specifically!!! i had originally either rped different fandom stuff on the other site or in discords that eventually got nuked one way or another (at least i think that's what happened to them-)
ii know iim remarkiing on old iirrelevant bull2hiit at thii2 poiint, but how boo2ted off of 2oporiifiic2 do you even have two FUCKIING be two even con2iider 2ome goiing two 2ome 2ham event liike #eriidanweek ? ii had two turn off 2ociial2 ju2t two 2pare my2elf from an even biigger pan-ache, and yet the ma22e2 2lurped iit up liike iimproperly hydrated kraft grub-aiid 2lurry.
wr\ng\ng out your own ha\r after a /\tt/e d\p's t\me consum\ng. https://f\/es.catbox.moe/2v9tbc.jpg #se/f\e

- Yes, mma'amm! I friggin' loved it! 😄 Another slice off the literary grubloaf for mme, please, because I amm HOOKED! 🙌😁📘
HELLO DARLINGS LONG TIME NO TYPE AS YOU CAN IMAGINE BEING A TROLL OF MY CALIBER I AM INCREDIBLY BUSY ALL OF THE TIME BUT I WOULD ABSOLUTELY ADORE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL AND SEE HOW EVERYTHING IS GOING I WOULD ALSO VERY MUCH LIKE TO RECEIVE SOME RECOMMENDATIONS FOR UP AND COMING STYLISTS MY JAROMY HAS ABSOLUTELY STUFFED IT AND FRANKLY I AM DISAPPOINTED WITH HIS LACK OF WORK ETHIC AND MANY OF THE MOST DESERVINGLY POPULAR STYLISTS ARE DEVASTATINGLY OVERBOOKED AND WOULD NOT MAKE ROOM FOR ME IN THEIR BOOKS ON ACCOUNT OF MY STATUS OF AN UP AND COMER RATHER THAN BEING A KNOWN FIGURE IT IS DEEPLY DISAPPOINTING BUT I WILL DO MY BEST TO NOT HOLD A GRUDGE AS THAT IS PANCELLS WASTED ON SUCH A SMALL THING IT DOES NOT PAY TO BE PETTY AFTER ALL I WOULD NEVER DO THAT
id probably listen to Aranea Serket talk all day i won't lie...
really quite telling that mØst Øf the alternian trØlls lØØked at that culling chit and thØught "damn thØse befØrans have it sØ easy." we bØth live in mirrØred shitty panØptic dystØpias its just that yØurs causes bØdily harm and death while Øurs has trØlls cØmpletely bereft Øf any freedØms at all. im nØ fucking lØst weeabØØ but gØddamn they sØmetimes seem like the Ønly way tØ escape. #cullpØsting #befØrusvsalternia

[ E R R O+ R 5 3 4 7 ; VIA PARADO+XA FUTURA DO+LO+RO+SA ] Is this my true punishment? To+ watch him struggle witho+ut being allo+wed to+ help? He is so+ tired, so+ weak. Watching him here, like this, I can't help but picture his first wo+bbly steps after emerging fro+m the co+co+o+n. I have never felt so+ frenzied. A lusus, ready to+ charge witho+ut abando+n. The carnival sneers as he falls. Get up, they demand o+f him. Finish what yo+u started. As if this was his crime alo+ne. As tho+ugh I did no+t push my belief o+nto+ him and co+wer away fro+m the wo+rk. So+ many sweeps he has carried this weight, o+ur speaker, o+ur no+rth star. No+ne o+f his faithful rush fo+rward to+ help. O+ur sermo+n go+ers cry, but will no+t act. They believe his punishment is eno+ugh fo+r them to+ go+ unscarred. If they step fo+rward, they will be next. He takes his beating with grace that do+es no+t po+ssess me. His gaze lo+cks o+nto+ mine, and tho+ugh he do+es no+t o+pen his maw, I kno+w what it is that he is saying: will yo+u no+t stay with me? #viado+lo+ro+sa #easter2026
:33 < WRITING CONTEST!!! Furr tonight's lack of festivities clawnsidering the #dayofrest sabath #eridanw33k s33ms to be holding after a.. rather generously title 'fiasco' yestpurrday, The Leijon Gossip Column would like to offurr a small challenge to pay the tithe to our lord @caligulasAquarium INTROMEWCING!!! THE #leijonwriting CHALLENGE!!! Here, mew may submit any purriece of writing under the previous hashtag, and given certain topics mentioned like #eridanw33k or #yaoi / #yuri, you may recieve specpurr points depending on how much I like their usage :3c Mew may get some kind of prize furr it, maybe acceptance as a spurrecial guest in an upcoming eridanw33k event? We'll figfurr it out together! PROMPT: (F33l fr33 to customize it! This is just an example) You're at a bar. It's late. You hear the bells of the door jingle as you stare d33p into the half empty drink before you, you don't even care who it is.. but then you f33l a touch on your arm. You look over. It's Eridan... What does he want? What do you do? Do you want him? He might want you.. Anyway, happy writing!

Does anyone remem8er the effects they experienced during last light? I have 8een meaning to formally document its influence, in hopes of preserving a record that might help prevent it from unleashing further disruption across other realms of the multiverse. #su8stances

I think me and Aranea basically said the same thing. Great Samurai think alike.
YES! A VEŖY IMPȬŖTANT TIP! I said sȭmetħing similaŗ in Samuŗai Tip #2, but I like yȭuŗ additiȭn!
Anyways. Thinkin bout the past. As I tend to as an awful bird.
IF ONE MORE FUCKING PERSON TELLS ME TO CELEBRATE THE UN DEATH OF SOME RANDOM GUY I'M GOING TO TRAUMATIZE THEM WITH MY FUCKING SUICIDE. #THISISAJOKE #SUICIDETW #LIGHTGORE
((Hope nobody is too annoyed by Bill popping up to reply to random chitts I can think of good Bill lines for
👨🎨 I'Vee beeeen trying to reestoree this for A whillee now 😮 It's AppAreentlly A photo oof my Anceestor https://meediA.discordApp.neet/AttAchmeents/547424785194287104/1490123596339613716/Untitlleed1525_20251209151022.png?eex=69d2ee93ee&is=69d197bee&hm=cAbfc38d74c38cbA95bee5eefbcf486A10c91914d33ee50184ee5ee23cdee6b0ddc98A&=&formAt=weebp&quAllity=llosslleess&width=1281&heeight=853

You'll be the first to know

it's not really a big help, but i think if you were just observing you would miss out on a lot of the inquisitive opportunities that come from saying stuff!
I think I am just surprised that I have apparently gotten off scott free for my complacency in reality-wide atrocities. I have so much bad karma at this point, it is like the forces of nature are fighting over who gets to kick my ass first.

d/) u guys think that the dislike /)f sh/)rter heights and /)bsessi/)n with being tall is r/)/)ted in casteism bc its m/)re c/)mm/)n f/)r highbl/)/)ds 2 be taller than l/)wbl/)/)ds? #casteism

BLU)( 38XP you right i kno. you always right

https://i.postimg.cc/N0wgBCQ2/image-2026-04-04-031835468.png none a you saw anyone post boat #eridanweek 2nite is that understood

Unfortun8tely I do not have any moder8tor powers on this we8sute. Or I'd do the sensi8le decision of temporary 8anning affected accounts from posting while compromised. #iwantcandy

ha! you know me well 38)
Anyway, chag sameach. Hope everyone's spending Passover reflecting on overthrowing cruel dictators and restrictive, hegemonic systems of belief.

Good grief, steer well clear of those su8stances that distort 8ody and mind. They are categorically unsuita8le for consumption 8y any earthly 8eing; such agents are meant solely for celestial entities, such as cheru8s. Ingesting them will provoke severe nausea, compounded 8y a loss of mental clarity. If you thought the chaos of the preceding three nights was overwhelming, imagine that same tumultuous disorder magnified tenfold, now experienced without the capacity for rational thought or self-directed escape. You would 8e utterly at the mercy of a spiraling a8yss. For the sake of moral clarity, I will have to take a sensi8le approach and ensure it can 8e managed. #su8stances #iwantcandy

O+f co+urse. I mean it.

I'm always aro+und if yo+u need an ear to+ yell at. I kno+w the deal.

I'm no+t sure whether to+ suppo+rt this o+r no+t since it's vague. I'll tentatively say: think critically and go+o+d luck.

((Evil Aranea be like: fish copypasta So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was \~too mean\~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. \[Rated NC-17 for language.\] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an \~ironic\~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously -blam!-ing hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant -blam!-ing dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT -blam!-ING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to -blam!-ing go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll -blam!-ing sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one -blam!-ing knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly -blam!-ing big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all -blam!-. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the -blam!- out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY -blam!-ING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST -blam!-ING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the -blam!- out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.))

Good eye, lass.

TRULY W3 4LL COM3 1NTO TH1S W3BS1T3 Y3LLOW

:33< fur enough i guess

₍^. .^₎⟆ Oh yay you're no longer yellow!~






























