♦ pitied by @gardenGnostic
alright. wvriska vwon. sorry damz. i wvas rooting for you, i really wvas. novw. her imperious condescension vwersus rose lalonde. iwve got something real special for you all. took some bartering, some vwheeling and dealing, thats vwhy it took me a sec to get back to this. lemme start wvith the rose propaganda. beautiful blonde, knowvs howv to banter, perfect bod, perfect face, can do some spooky eldritch stuff if thats vwhat youre into. shes incredible. i dont wvanna undersell her here. but... i got a vwintage from my man @caligulaascendit. this is *art*. nowv, to share the scan, he said he vwanted to do the propaganda for her, so here you go. #nsfwv. #nsfc too, but not the c youre thinking of. "its ya boy eridan ampora here vwith a guest rewvievw on alternias biggest caked up baddie our leadin broad in the beam for #cronusbabeoff hovwre all likin my vwintage hic edition penthouse by the wvay pretty groowvy huh cost me a pretty caegar but it wvas totally wvorth it an yknowv its the real deal too cause its got her signature shade a coral pink semi gloss #2 stamped across the covwer wvhen im feelin advwenturous i take my condy penthivwe out a her plastic slip an ewver so gently stroke her lipstick mark vwith a quivwerin finger wvith my other flipper placed firmly against my crotch anyvway im afraid the competition has been crushed by the empresss unholy cake grinder the rest a you booty impaired ladies can go hivwe novw" yeah. yowvza. #cwv-cakesitting. <3 or <> for condy. <3< or c3< for rosie.
calling it. i could let it keep on keeping on, but i think wved all be happier (besides meenah) if meenahs the one wvho movwes on this round. trust me. next up. wvell, vwe already savw wvhy you should vwote for either candidate. jane crocker up against the handmaid. #cronusbabeoff! bouncy, bodacious, a real boss bitch, janey crocker herself! the maid wvith the most, shes got plenty of junk in her trunk, and the business acumen to buy you out if you hawve anything bad to say about it. dont think just because shes a life player shes a healslut. she, uhh... she scares me. and then wvevwe got the handmaid, alternias vwhore-er, the shame of beforus, servwant of time and friend o mine! wvhat a wvoman! you wvant some timestop? shes got you cowvered. time clones? easy. you vwanna get covwered? shes got you covwered. and the #contraptions. oh the contraptions. and the #doohickeys. phewv. she, uhh... she scares me. lifemaid wvs handmaid, let the wvoting begin! #nsfwv <3 or <> for janey <3< or c3< for handy
The much anticipated 2000s tier list. MOST of these series I watched either as they were released or in syndication throughout my childhood, so the metric of my enjoyment is both through the lens of nostalgia and by my old, much less skeptical yardstick. Shall we proceed to the 90s?
A tier list concerning animated series from the 2010s specifically. MOST of these series I have watched only as an adult, given they would have come out partially or in their entirety after my departure for The Medium. Next is the 2000s!
The face he makes when he wants [to escape and assassinate you]. I haven't an inkling as to why he's still so ornery after all these years. I bring refreshments and everything! Coochie coochie coo.
fLOATING IN THE POOL, i BEEN CHILLING W1TH MY HONEY, fEELING LIKE A DOPE, 'CAUSE IT'S JUST AN eASTER bUNNY, i NEED A LEAD1NG, lADY, wHO IS LUD1CROUSLY SWEETER, i WISH THAT YOU WERE,,, lET'S GO WITH, mINDFANG MAYBE, fOR THIS ONE, bECAUSE NO OTHER GIRL, iS SWEETER,
beaches dont do yes and anymoor they just moan at you until you get uncomfortable and leave
*Pops every single poppable joint in one move* I'm up.
To reiterate, the #OldYoutubePlaylist will air from 11 AM EST tomorrow morning until it ends, which presumably will be around 8 PM. All are welcome to attend. I'll be posting the link shortly before airtime and throughout the day. Feel free to blacklist #OldYoutubePlaylist to avoid the reminders. DISCLAIMER. I am merely purporting to have cultivated an ERA-ACCURATE playlist. I cannot speak to your personal enjoyment. If you get onto the OLD YOUTUBE PLAYLIST and find the comedic stylings of "Like Mah Status," "Fred Goes Swimming," "Charlie the Unicorn," and "Taking The Hobbits to Isengard" to be dated and blase, I CANNOT HELP YOU. :B See you there!
They looked at me and reduced me to the parts of my sum. They have turned me into modern Nedward.
They are flanderizing me.
aint it strange howw ill come off as an outright pervvert if i make this chitt addressed to puppy instead really makes you think
Outwitted by Cronus. Humilliating.
#wwizardwwednesday #lairsandlusii #fitcheck #wwizarding #sorcery #majyyk #lovve #philosophy #wwar wwizard wwednesday has come and gone long enough wwithout a meaninful contribution from yours truly the prince of hope therefore im blessin you all wwith an introduction to both my neww and improvved divvine robes #myrobes and the character ill be bringin to the sord coast at the advvent a LAIRS AND LUSII SORCERER HIGHTIER https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/37aa1a49b6d8.png
i'D RATHER IT BE THE FLIRTEE, tHAN A STRANGER i GUESS, bUT THAT IS, oKAY,,,
The streets are saying if we do not get more Kafkaesque, Chittr will not survive the week.
Shopping trip. #BettyCrocker #Reup #NeedMyMix #Yummers!
What d0es it say ab0ut me that my fav0urite anime characters always end up being the pr0tag0nists em0 friend
EVERY FUCKING DAY WITH THIS EMOTIONALLY STUNTED BITCH IS THE SAME. YES, INCLUDING THE ONE I'M CURRENTLY TRAPPED IN A TIME LOOP ON. IF A DERANGED LOONEYBLOCK ESCAPEE WHOSE SOLE ART FORM WAS GROWING TWISTED, SADISTIC, ENIGMA OF EMIGARA FAULT-LIKE BONSAI TREES IN SHAPES THAT ONLY SOMEONE WITH REAL, FOMENTING HATRED IN THEIR PUSHER COULD CONTORT, THEIR MAGNUM OPUS WOULDN'T EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE WRETCHED EMOTIONAL DEFORMITY THAT BELONGS TO MY MANAGER. FUCK YOU. YOU THOUGHT IT WAS ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT, @handMaid. BUT THIS POSTING WAR IS STILL GOING. https://i.ibb.co/JMcsTyX/image.png
string deez nuts
Calling you psycho the way that you're desperate, Scribbling proclamations like an illiterate text-wit. Shit was clipped out of context? Bitch, quit grasping at straws, She won't step on your face, but I'll enforce some laws. You think she's your purpose, your sole reason for life? You're just a cog in the system, perpetual victim of strife. Weeping bodily fluids like they're bars in the sand, While we're out here running empires you can't comprehend. Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the saddest of all? A total non-entity tryna play ball. Read, reread the garbage you vent in and out of the feed, See you’re a footnote in history for anyone's heed. Sucker for attention, can't think beyond your erection, All for a friend of a friend, no preestablished connection. You're kicking it solo, forever a clone, An absolute nobody wasting time on his phone. Dave's playing fuckin' ball? You do got that legacy, But the way your shit's twisted is downright fuckin' heresy. Get my knob off your mind, drop the text that you signed, You’re swinging out of your league and getting aligned. Quoting anime at me? Let's check back into reality, Your fragile mentality can't face my brutality. Your game is already dead, no head, no crown, Just a supplementary Strider acting like a clown.
@carbolicGalvanologist I would be remiss not to deliver upon my promise to celebrate your presence in my life- in the only dark, earthy tones that seem to proportionately convey my appreciation. Behold. I have named her The Bogtrotter. Twenty-four layers and ten inches in diameter. Roughly the weight of a rotund first-grader. Old Bruce himself could not have served you better if he'd been liquefied and baked into a juvenile diabetic puck. Happy Wriggling Day, KV. From your pal. :B
I lied. Put your clothes back on. We're watching old Youtube for the next six hours. Excluding official music videos, but including noteworthy brand advertisements. Justin Beiber's Baby is out. Rebecca Black's Friday is in. Old Spice "The Man Your Man Could Smell Like" is a-go. We have a sensible bouquet of Key of Awesome, The Gregory Brothers, and the RESPECTABLE Lonely Island skits. The old ones, with the homemade aesthetic. We have a thirty minute block of talking and/or emoting baby videos, followed by an Annoying Orange "Wazzup" palate cleanser, immediately followed by thirty more minutes of various cat videos. Nyan Cat falls under the animated chapter of the docket rather than the feline, for what I hope are obvious reasons. We then have a full hour of adult men angrily reviewing various pieces of media AND/OR ragequitting from a game. I like to mix my unjustifiable tirades with full-blown meltdowns for variety. From there we dive headfirst into the animation section. I've compiled a Llamas with Hats extended edit, amongst others. Then I say we cut a left to comedic skit dub-overs, culminating in The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger. Then onto the bloopers. We have a SUPERCUT of various gaffes and boners ranging from popular cinematic works to voice-acting to news reels. Our musical outro will be the DJ Earworm United State of Pop 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011 in that order. THEN if you're still feeling froggy, we can pivot to old-school brawling videos caught on tape, from your phone, under the blankets. You will have to hold the phone up. And then sex I guess. #NSFW.
are there any other good dogs out there???? :(((
Some patients can't 8e saved, 8ut that 8urden's not on you........ #auto8iographical #lightempath theantlers #lyricposting #rel8tionships
ngl looking @ dis notif is kinda giving me a headache but idk why
#MacroCullsmos #CanItRunHAL #CanItRunYAOI https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/6ceb5459d2b7.gif - MC Oleana
Considering #RumbleNight never came to full fruition, there's no harm in posting one or two of the early promotional photos.
https://forms.gle/2w9FseGAoHseZEcN7 QUESTION: So you have the apple bottom jeans? Perhaps some boots with the fur to go along with them? And have you ever gotten "low" while wearing them? ANSWER: I did promise to deliver. Pardon me if I retain my vertical integrity on camera, though. I won't be getting "low" on demand.
Believe it or not, we argued in the test kitchen over whether or not the drip was a touch on the nose. #BehindTheScenes #PrideMonth #Ally #GayCake #JustLikeYou
#BFFs #sisters #glubyou #derp #GetYourDerpOn
#BFF #:( https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ff7d1cc571de.gif
I suppose I owe a sincere apology to those of you whose contact with me has lapsed over the last... week? two weeks? I don't quite recall! :B Frankly, in all the lotus-eating festivity, I completely lost track of the calendar, and with it my professional agenda... but I take it Unreal Heiress kept my appointments and delivered my pre-formulated responses at the office in a timely manner! I've been away. It was entirely incidental that the extension of an invitation to "hang" reached my inbox so shortly after my... change in status. Hrm! And then we... gee. It feels invasive to summarize the hours upon hours of Gill Time which commenced across the following days! ... Where was I? Oh, yes, right. I guess I'm home now. Or. Whatever. Who cares. I miss you already, @cuttlefishCabbalist! :( More pictures of our escapades incoming. #BFFS #gillfronds #noromo #bestfriendsforever #sisters https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ff3e335cf5b7.PNG
just know that i was treated like a fuckin dog. or some shit like that. <:B
dont worry she didnt do much. literally didnt do shit for me.
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/61e5cb659e6e.gif
Grab your britches and tighten your belts- the rumblethon-a-rama is set to blow your briefs plum OFF until youre sitting in your skivvies thinking... *shucks* these guys are going at each other hardcore. Were going BACK TO THE PUMPKIN PATCH. Skipping hump day and sliding straight to tussletime thursday! You havent seen oil like this since #eridanweek... and whos to say i wont be taking two princes once more? Fit to make the last set of wicked heels look like damn tubby time. Two for two in a one on one youll never guess what weve got stocked in the back! Well have MUSIC and RHYMES and best of all... two chuckleheads going railing hard as all get out on each other until the fat lady SINGS. Yowzers!!! Someone turn OFF the heat because this whole shindig is about to be FIRE. Be there or be square... more deets in the works so #watchthisspace! https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/beee53c3eedb.gif
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. Part trois. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/69c71ccb275b.png
This makes sense to me
The easiest solution to the One Lies, One Tells the Truth dilemma is to assume everyone is lying, everyone hates you, everyone is out to get you, and if you do what you were going to do they will kill you.
An unnamed individual, unrelated to any #masquerade event taking place. Part deux. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/60fe1ab7fc3f.png
got searious shit to do and i just walked out the gray house and fell in a dam hole
Someone dig a hole in my honor, please. I can't leave the couch to go do it. Also, my neighbors would think I am even more of a weirdo if I went outside and got on my knees and started tearing up my garden with my bare hands. Being a creator god doesn't mean you're free from the scorned looks of neighborhood trolls and carapacians.
Digging a hole? I'm already doing that. I flirted with a Serket.
#fishingfriday #fitcheck as our wweekly foray into maritime recreation drawws to a close (wwith nary evven a single damn post in the tag wwtf is wwrong wwith you guys) i am once again carryin on the tradition a furnishin you all wwith photographic commemoration a the day i had out on the wwater "the fishing wwas good. it wwas the catching that wwas bad" -barak trollbama https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c8f1e58286f7.png off to the masquerade
What is this. Who sent this to me. What does it even mean. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c85d6579cb53.png
Unreal Heiress, play Mr. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra.
I hear the pleas of the masses. But the solution here is NOT more wanton violence. No matter how you may strike this miserable starving poonhound, you will not deter him from the table! ... There is only one weapon left in my artillery. A single lethal projectile by which to silence this fool.
THANK you, Cronus. This goes to show you that no one is beyond education. ... Is something burning? OH, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE.
... :(
Just get off my post.
Crockercorp. One word, you disappointing fucking dullard. Also- the "BOARD OF DIRECTORS?" What reality are YOU dwelling under the funk of wherein OUR namesake corporation is run by ANYTHING other than our own private equity? You haven't bought back your own fucking stock? The bootstraps are for PULLING ONESELF UPWAYS, not tangling around your own gullet like an unobserved toddler stumbling into the window shades! :B But let us be quite frank with ourselves, shall we? You are cognitively ROTTING under the yoke of that contraption. You will never aspire to anything greater than burrowing mouth-first into your empress' shoe leather like a rat trying to find fresh air. And good gravy, that is ok! I have now thoroughly observed you. Beneath the heel of a more intelligent superior is precisely your niche, Jane. Hold on tight to that shelter, because we can all see VERY APPARENTLY that you do not have the chops for upper management.
An official statement on my rendezvous with @aeneasCaldarium. He joined me at the Crocker estate for supper, and we had a long, civil adult discussion on the subjects he erroneously ascribed to MY person in his sloppy pursuit of my alternates. I took great care to wipe that slate clean and to reeducate him (VERBALLY) on the state of my interests and endeavors. He was... more than receptive to my revisions. :| Then he left! I wholeheartedly accept the apology and corrected statement that followed. And that is all she wrote, buster!
Regrettably.
@gutlessGorturer Alrighty. Let us dispense with the pretense of pleasantry, here. I am going to shift to a lower gear NOT in retreat, but in response to what you must assume is a well-calculated assessment of my person. Some minor concessions. That I stress test my alternates and peers for low-risk data by which I may color my own upward momentum. Such is the necessary vehicle of self-improvement when one has blown off the training wheels and is shakily keeping upright of their own volition- something you know nothing about!! Also, they need a little pushing. It's good for them, and for you. Or it would be, if you weren't too augmented to make use of peer feedback. :P Anyhow, that is where your potency as a social saboteur falls to a fizzling, flat failure. Now on to your points in order. 1.) "Biological clock." Nonexistent. Someone tell this dizzy broad that MY ova are EVER-replenished. Frankly, you ought to know this if YOUR spawncannon is as fruitful as it must be for you to attack MY lack of reproductive bounty. I had better watch the accordion-fold print of YOUR legion of heiresses SPILL from your wallet. LET'S SEE UNREAL HEIRESS' LITTER. The mother hen scratches herself a proper nest before letting loose! I have AS LONG AS I'D LIKE to situate that space before engaging in Phase Two. 2.) You have narrated the cycle of behaviors in my posts. Congratulations. With effort, you might bust out of your CURRENT toady britches of absolute servitude and land a gig in the social media department at MY headquarters! Oh, wait, no. These are the baseline double-digit IQ observations of essentially anyone on the platform who performs a regular check-in on my page. Congratulations rescinded. 3.) I "speak like a CEO" because I am a CEO, who is electing voluntarily to share my personal opinions on certain matters on my PERSONAL SOCIAL MEDIA PAGE. If I were any battier on the main feed, it would be a disservice to my accomplishments in the court of public opinion. Again, a cavelike simplicity to the logic you wield. Could we wake up the SUPERcomputer? I fear my genetic neighbor is burning the interior of the TI-84 she's got banging around up in that empty coconut! 4.) I am a conduit of raw Creation and those properties of Life are mine to "abuse," although I take issue with your liberal application of the word. No jokes here. I am simply going to continue doing what I want! :B 5.) (To the reader: she counted my posts. What a fucking loonybird.) YOU have posted [TOO MANY] times, comprising a quantity I refuse to dignify with an actual figure. Whatever quantity of blithering has escaped your flapping mouth has run past the dadgum fill line. 6.) Eridan Week was in fact spectacular. We are eclipsing into a rare alignment of ideals for this brief moment. Bask in the shadow of my footsteps and see how much wiggle-room you've got yet to fill on those toes. 7.) Again with the a-words. Assault? I have a towering stack of liability waivers that beg to differ. Also missing the strategic point of that night and the greater event as a whole, which doesn't surprise me. You are such a dogmatic black hole that no humor may escape your gaze with ANY remaining merit, even the shroud of joviality over actual gamepiece movement! 8.) I LOATHE being subjected to the fumbling of an individual wearing my face and name. In your case, I'll give you a pass, because you've been rendered little more than an enforcer, and at that task within your own chronology I'm sure you're quite successful. I do not SELF-loathe. This is an inaccurate interpretation of my deeper motivations spawned by YOUR artificial imperative to get me on board with your Ponzi hubbub. Durr. On the off chance that these insults are being relayed strictly for guffaws (which I doubt), you're equally missing the mark. Missy, I have got your number as well as you think you've got mine. At the end of the day, I have BEEN you. You have never been me! One day, when the circlet falls from your scalp and the scales from your eyes, I will accept your blubbering apology in the form of your face mashed against the polished marble of my executive office floors. And then perhaps, PERHAPS, in the name of sisterhood, I will drop you a couple of pointers. Or maybe you'll just die like that OTHER Jane, tormented in biological inauthenticity and so augmented that her tether to Life itself pinched shut in utter rejection of her fate. But trust. It's one or the other for you. :B
... Thank you.
Legislation on Earth-C has officially outlawed the sale of all unauthorized, counterfeit materials bearing my likeness, including toys and other various silly comfortstuffs. Farewell and good riddance, "Janunu." https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/77469c7a3c16.png
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are you guys mad @ me..... for accidentally sending him to torture space :((
if you think its weird to see imagine what its like for me
I'm thinking about my mother.
Nevver had much faith in lovve or miracles (Eh eh eh) (Uh) (Ooh) - Posted from my Unreal Heiress Tiaratop FLARP VvR Headset -
Like Eridan, girl - Posted from my Unreal Heiress Tiaratop FLARP VvR Headset -
oh my fuckin christ what was even the point of playin & beating that stupid awful game what was the point of ANY of this NYOOTS R GONE :'( #nyootsgone #EXTINCT #FOREVA?
meowls were real and now theyre all DEAD life is so god damn cruel..... why everything so awful all the time
TH4T 4WKW4RD MOM3NT WH3N D34L1NG W1TH TH3 MURD3R OF YOUR FR13ND 1S 34S13R TH4N D34L1NG W1TH TH3 CONS3QU3NC3S OF TH31R CONT1NU3D L1V1NG #4WKW4RD! #NOTV4GU3POST1NG #FN4F