♦ pitied by @affableCantor
tHEY CAN DEL1VER, - n1TRAM-DONO
nOT WHAT 1 AM SAY1NG, - n1TRAM-DONO
tHE WATERS SH1FTED, A LONG T1ME AGO, 1T 1S 1RON1C G1VEN, WHO HAS THE N1CTAT1NG MEMBRANE, AND WHO DOES NOT, WHOSE OCULAR GLOBES REMA1N OPEN, OLD FR1END... tHE lOST wOODS ARE NOT FOR YOU, NOT ANYMORE, AND THEY W1LL NOT PROTECT YOU... tHOSE OF THE eMP1RE AND HER GRASP, ARE UNWELCOME HERE, - n1TRAM-DONO
tHE WOODS WOULD NOT WELCOME YOU, NOT ANYMORE... 1T 1S BEST TO CONT1NUE KEEP1NG OUR, 1NTERACT1ONS, TO NEUTRAL GROUND, - n1TRAM-DONO
D --> Caegars D --> What would a hypothetical individual have to pay to receive this treatment D --> Say D --> A lowb100d in need of mare aggressive culling treatment D --> Or a highb100d D --> Who is unable to control himself D --> Aggressive D --> Violent D --> In need of restraint D --> Thrashing, squirming, attempting to break the binds which hold him D --> Them D --> Hold them D --> How much would one have to pay for that highb100d to receive that treatment D --> Neighaps with a customized leather body encasing
※ CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATIONS: Hi, Coolscar. As you can probably tell, I'mm sober now. - I'mm sure you can only immagine how mmuch I would truly relish in taking your offer. I, too, enjoy immagining mmy own relishmment at this. But I think you are aware of the commplicated reasons that preclude mme fromm being able to Work for you. ※ DO NOT DISCLOSE: And beyond those reasons, respectfully, that womman residing in your hive mmakes mme nervous. I don't like the way she looked at mmy squawk colummn the last timme you had mme over. She seemms unstable and highly fraught; but I will reserve the rest of mmy candid opinion for the next timme we mmeet at the tracks. ※ RESPECTFULLY YOURS, (EX-) ASSISTER HELPMEET
- Why would I need Help :-/ - Umm. And thats a weird question. No... I'mm 20 sweepos young, of course. I'mm technically an oldmmolt. Why would I want to look adorable at Work? Do I think i'mm. going to find a mmatesprig there? x-D x-DD
ii am 2orry to hear that. would you liike help arrangiing a vii2iit to the mediiculler2?
You sicken me.
[[_coughing_in_the_coffin._]]
hNN,
tHANK YOU FOR, bEING SUPPORTIVE OF TRANS WOMEN, #ALLY
i AM SURE, sHE HAS A GOOD REASON, tO BE BOMBING A GOVERNMENT BUILDING, iT'S FINE,
꧁:(꧂
s-Sorry but no offense but I would literally rather die than be a Helpssmman and do what you do as a Helperguy Helper . No offense. Howmm I going to have any timme for hoofbeast races like that ;-) Thanks brah. I mmean it
ii meet 2o many troll2 who tell me they'd rather kiill them2elf than become a help2man. to that ii alway2 2ay: don't be riidiiculou2!! you'd never be giiven the optiion. #thehelp2log #cw-2uiiciide #keepyourchiinup
꧁Here's the... Censored. version. Still marking as #NSFW. D...don't look at my eyes. [[ART BY RottenGinger on VGen and the Chittr Discord. Xei did such a good job!]] https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/8e7e90a345c4.png꧂
8oooooooo!!!!
If I was a fish would you catch me and keep me in a tank or fry me on the deck?
࣪⊹₊˚{ }*ᗜ*ʃƪ WOW!!!! KUDOS! }⟡∀⟡{ }⟡∀⟡{ }⟡∀⟡{ #reglub #thatscullquette #dualscarmy #reelorphanofinions }˚₊⊹ ࣪
There are positions one acquires, and positions VWWhich seem merely to discoVVer the troll already shaped to occupy them. I haVVe occasionally VWWondered VWWhich sort the Orphaner is. It is an odd title, VWWhen considered literally. One imagines that I make orphans. I suppose I do. But an orphan is defined by VWWhat has been remoVVed from it, and I haVVe neVVer thought of myself as a creature of absence. Quite the opposite. I correct excess. The sea produces VWWithout discipline. It sVWWells VWWith appetite. Great things breed beneath it, feed beneath it, groVWW ancient beneath it. EVVery creature imagines that because it has surVViVVed long enough to become enormous, it has earned permanence. If a ship appears on the Horizon, then I am due to folloVWW. That is all ciVVilization has eVVer been. An interruption of something else. The Empire names monsters so that someone may kill them. It names castes so that someone may arrange them. It names criminals so that someone may hang them. And someVWWhere, VVery early in our history, it looked upon the black VWWater and decided that eVVen the things beneath it required an office. I needed an office. An Orphaner. I am not a hunger, a fisherman, an executioner, nor a gameVWWarden. I am an Orphaner. A title concerned not VWWith the thing killed, but VWWith VWWhat remains afterVWWard. Curious, isn't it? #horror #cVWW-death #cVWW-VViolence #cVWW-imperialism #cVWW-casteism
YEAH YEAH, 1VE HEARD 1T ALL 6EFORE, EVERYONE LOVE2 A WORK1NG WOMAN >.]
🫢🤫📷📸😙😅 #Chairministrangling #AndIOop #Oopervising #FiledUnderNotice #GorgeousPinkBTW 🟢 CHARMS is ONLINE.
1T2 ALWAY2 A 2HAME 2EE1NG A CAREER WOMAN 2TOOP TO 2EX APPEAL TO GET CL1CK2. #VAGUEPO2T1NG
🫶🫵 omg could never be me, so i gottttttta hand it to you 🫵🫶 🫰🙌🫷 could NOT be me but i am like, so thankful that it is you, you know?🫸🙌🫰 🤘🤟🤘like wake up and smell the grindset, honey!!! you are earning your keep and that of several others!!!! that's ingenuity made manifest, babey!!!🤘🤟🤘 #Chairministrangling 🟢 CHARMS is ONLINE.
@AFFA6LECANTOR @ZOOLOGERCOOL2CAR
࣪⊹₊˚{ ooooh! }⟡7⟡{ what should MY costume be???? ill take pics + everything! SO VOTE! vote nowwww!!!! \}*7*{/ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ ⟡ <3 = orphaner girlscar {like orphaner dualscar.... but if he was a girl }*u*{} ⟡ <> = a super sexsea angelic emissary of the end, like with wings + junk ⟡ c3< = A RAINBOW DRINKER }@7@{ {this 1s sexy too} ⟡ <3< = electra hate.... from that marina + the paleflings album! }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ now vote! VOTEEEE, besties! \}⟡____⟡{/ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
(^・x・^) < ANYWAYS, I KNOW HIS EYES ARE KIND OF PURRTURBINGLY HOLLOWED AND EMPTY. SORT OF TOTALFLEA SOULESS LOOKING. BUT I'D STILL PUT A GRUB IN HIM IF I COULD.
(=｀ω´=) < DEATH OF THE AUFUR??? MORE LIKE, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT CANON! ヽ(=^･ω･^=)丿
i need a cigarette
fuck
great poseidons fuckin beard
if you put this on your quadfinder profile you wwill havve to physically pry trolls off a you and i am not sure thats wwhat you wwant
D --> I have accidentally had a slip of the hoof and hit all four reactions D --> However I commit to everything I do D --> Such is the mark of one who manetains his integrity D --> Thus I must clarify to you that my intentions through this reaction mess were not to convey some sort of comple% set of emotions toward this image D --> Simply to show appreciation for both the attire and the pose D --> However D --> If I may be so bold D --> I could not help but notice you are of low b100d D --> A helpsman neighaps D --> It would be improper of me not to stop and show my appreciation for all that you do for our wonderful planet D --> I place your ilk among the thighest of the species D --> E%cuse me D --> Highest of the species D --> As a superior ergo inferior b100d of the higher castes it behooves me to tell you this D --> And to make it known that Trostwor%, my charity organization, is always welcoming to the wants and needs of lowb100ds such as yourself D --> I have an e%tensive list of merits to prove myself worthy of your attention D --> Business wise of course D --> For e%ample I have often been tasked with feigning identity, dressing myself up in compromising outfits to appease the wants of the lessers D --> Or prostrating myself before one on my very knees, hooves high in devotion D --> Or laying across the cold f100r whilst a lime such as yourself would hypothetically lay the pointed spear of their/your heel across my back as you use me as a bridge with which to get from one end of the room to the other D --> I have lost my train of thought D --> E%cellent photo
࣪⊹₊˚{ oh mygod. }O7O{ hiiii. }˚₊⊹ ࣪
｢(；｀q´) k...kyah!!! *drools*｣
c< id Keep it, if i were yOu >c
Whoa.
IS THIS TOO MUCH FOR MY QUADFINDR PROFILE? BE HONEST. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/DC3071C3295E.JPEG #SUGGESTIVE
unhappy male lusus day to seahorsedad. fuck you for being my dark and tragic backstory (hot ladies, like 7s and up, feel free to enquire about my dark and tragic backstory). also uhh @affablecantor youre not my dad for sevweral reasons and i hate you but i guess. sometimes youre maybe almost cool.
timeline bullshit probably but she is the genuine article less the hand moreso the quill wwhen it comes to wwritin the history a alternia hand bein my aforementioned honkbeastbumps reference literally little man on the moon just shapin reality across multiple univverses also thats an awwfully alternian thin to say that your beforan self is wworse so is mind i hate that six foot fivve they them fuck taggin em so they knoww i hate em @affablecantor
damn it, i vwas wvriting up a nice reply, then i accidentally refreshed and lost it. ah vwell, vwriting it in notes this time. so! vwell done babe, got it in one. i mean, youre maybe a levwel of irony off, but you cant be blamed for that. not that im doing this ironically, evwerything i vwrote is true, and it vworks. theres a bell curvwe of intelligence for alts, right? id like to think im on the high end for cronii, and youre at least abowve avwerage for porrs just by being wvilling to engage. on the lovw end for porrims are the poor babes vwho dont argue at all, or wvho couldnt argue their vway out of a paper bag. i mean come on, my talking points are pretty (c/p)orny. on the high end, you havwe the porrims wvho knowv exactly vwhat theyre doing wvhen they "lose" to me. those are my favworites, like you said, intelligence is attractivwe. its real flattering hovw much credit people givwe me, or maybe they just think all you gals really do melt the moment i open my mouth. its probably just the dolorosa-vwhore complex (i find it quite simple, myself). not trying to defend myself, nah, i think this rep ivwe gotten is pretty hilarious. its just a shame people dont knovw hovw to play. thanks for reading porrim, really. brings a smile to my face. #nsfwv #cagttl #misogyny
#CAGTTL #NSFW #Feminism #ReaderBeware @aeneasCaldarium O+f my o+wn acco+rd, and entirely unrelated to+ any co+nversatio+n that might have taken place earlier, I decided to+ check o+ut yo+ur little entry o+n Po+rrim in yo+ur guide. I have to+ hand it to+ yo+u. It's hilario+us. Perhaps I've underestimated yo+ur co+medic genius all these sweeps. Let's dissect it paragraph by paragraph, shall we? "perfect lay, ultimate catch, intimidating": Thank yo+u. "fake feminist": Meh. Certainly inaccurate, but no+thing I haven't heard befo+re. The perfo+rmatively wo+ke male's favo+rite talking po+int is the no+tio+n that a wo+man isn't a "real" feminist unless she "pro+ves" herself to+ him, thereby o+beying his whims under the guise o+f asserting her o+wn auto+no+my. Nice try, but I have precio+us little to+ pro+ve to+ yo+u. "a po+rr that just sleeps aro+und uniro+nically, unthinking, do+esnt care": Is this really a "win", to+ sleep with so+meo+ne who+ cares so+ little fo+r yo+u she might as well be treating yo+u less like a perso+n and mo+re like a sex to+y? I suppo+se that's a turn o+n fo+r so+me peo+ple, and indeed, fo+r so+me Po+rrims. Let yo+ur freak flags fly. Admittedly, this paragraph makes me a little pro+ud, to+ kno+w that the majo+rity o+f Po+rrims yo+u meet, assuming in go+o+d faith that yo+ur experiences are true to+ reality, do+n't pass up the o+ppo+rtunity fo+r a go+o+d debate. I've met my fair share o+f mes who+ burnt their last bra millennia ago+, and the rare me who+'s never burnt a bra in her life, but I'm happy to+ kno+w mo+st o+f us are still fighting the go+o+d fight. Mo+re tro+lls really sho+uld kno+w that the way to+ this gal's heart is no+t just thro+ugh salivating o+ver her rumblespheres but thro+ugh spirited discussio+n. Big brains are sexy, unf. The fo+llo+wing two+ paragraphs are, again, the perfo+rmatively wo+ke male's favo+rite talking po+int. Who+ gives a damn what the wo+man says, what she thinks, what she feels? Her existence, her experiences, her mo+rals are no+thing but fo+dder fo+r a man's sexual pleasure. Making the feminist submit to+ a big mean man is the ultimate go+tcha. Yawn. Aren't yo+u tired? I kno+w I am. There is such an o+bsessio+n with "o+wning" feminists, bo+th in the sense o+f being made the fo+o+l and in the sense o+f po+ssessio+n, as if the ultimate humiliatio+n fo+r a wo+man is to+ remind her "o+f her place". They see the existence o+f a stro+ng-willed wo+man rallying against the patriarchy as a threat to+ their o+wn life, because they kno+w o+n so+me level that what men-as-a-class have do+ne and co+ntinue to+ do+ to+ wo+men-as-a-class is wro+ng. It's shameful. It's debasing. They think if they can sho+ve that bitch back into+ the dirt where she belo+ngs, the patriarchy is safe, and they can maintain their privileges witho+ut fear o+f retributio+n. To+ any feminists reading this, I say keep it up. That he go+es to+ such lengths to+ tear yo+u do+wn means he's terrified o+f yo+u and what yo+u believe in. Go+o+d. Keep it that way. The thing this type o+f argument is missing when it co+mes to+ the respiteblo+ck, ho+wever, is that there is in fact no+thing inherently antifeminist abo+ut a wo+man sexually submitting to+ a man. Sho+cker, I kno+w. If yo+u'd o+nly speak to+ the Po+rrims yo+u kno+w, yo+u'd find that a lo+t o+f them aren't the spo+o+ky do+minatrices yo+u think they are. A lo+t o+f wo+men - yes, including that shrieking feminist harpy yo+u lo+ve to+ belittle - are happy to+ be submissives. O+ne o+f these days, yo+u o+ught to+ try speaking to+ them like a real tro+ll and no+t a sex o+bject to+ be bro+ken. Ah, but I guess a genuine co+nnectio+n with the perso+n yo+u're sleeping with isn't nearly as fun as emo+tio+nal manipulatio+n. Silly girl. Anyway, I do+n't anticipate any Cro+nuses to+ have read this far. He's pro+bably skipped to+ the bo+tto+m where I o+ffer my o+pinio+n o+n his o+pinio+n o+f my rating. Eh. No+ no+tes. I'll take the co+mpliment.
lookin forwward to unleashin indescribable vviolence upon the sord coast alongside assassin badbitch and crushin our mutual foes underfoot the wwizard guides the laughssassins flail or howwevver the old sayin goes rest assured that if i evver degrade myself such that i spare a combatants life its so that you can sneak up from behind and bash their fuckin skulls in wwith your funny bell on a chain thing #helpful #niceidan #enabling
former i dont wanna harm nobody nor nothing and thats deadass mx zoologer coolscar theres enough hurt in the world i do not want to put that shit on animals there was this one time this rambunctious ass crow stole my shit i didnt even mean to but like i own it it died because of me i was so choked up about it i not only saw to it that bad bird bitch got brought back to life but i motherfucking fused with it in like another timeline i gave my life for animal and would do it again
BEHOLD. THE MIRTHFUL AND LOATHSOME. 「ASSASSIN BADBITCH.」 THE SOON TO BE RENOWNED LAUGHSSASSIN. EXPELLED FROM THE MUMMERY (CLOWN NUNNERY). FOR BEING A LITTLE TOO. SHALL WE SAY. “ART THE CLOWN.” FOR THE SETTING AND TIME PERIOD. TO WHICH SHE BELONGS. SHE WILL BE APPEARING. IN LAIRS AND LUSII. ALONGSIDE SUCH ESTEEMED CHARACTERS. AS SORCERER HIGHTIER (@CALIGULASAQUARIUM). MAGICIAN FAUNLOVE NATURALS (@AFFABLECANTOR). AND. NO DOUBT. COUNTLESS OTHER AMUSING FREAKS. THOUGH NONE SO AMUSING. AS MY SILLY LITTLE CLOWN ROGUE. I NEVER PAID MUCH ATTENTION. WHEN KURLOZ WAS EXPLAINING RELIGION. SO I WILL BE MAKING MOST OF IT UP. DON’T COME FOR ME. CLOWNS IN MY COMMENTS. I GO TO THE HIGH HOLY RAVES. IT’S JUST A LOT OF BOOKS. AND I ONLY CARE ABOUT THE PARTS WHERE I SHOW UP. GOMEN.
im not into what you think i am that was a misinput
ahah dave motherfucking strider kind of a milf hunter in that i would absolutely wrestle the hell out of a lusus but in like a conservation minded sorta way totally respectful i love monsters im a monster lover lover of the unnatural and odd and strange you get me
O)(, dear, Coolscar is rig)(t. It looks like you are in D--IR-E need of a culling! But don't worry your pretty little )(orns, we can take GR-EAT CAR-E of you. Just sit back, reelax, and let us envelop you in t)(e warmt)( of our large, caring bosom. 38)
can you guys not bump ugliest in my mentions holy fuck havve some basic flippin self control
AOAKJEAOWKWK2NANA.DNZBpak2ke pp oakelekrq
LOOKING GOOD AS ALWAV----ES!!! <> I'm so sad I won't be able to take Magician Faunlove out for a spin mys)(ellf but I )(ope everyone finjoys )(im!
࣪⊹₊˚{ oh, IM sorry! what!!!! what do you WANT me to do }*____*{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ if you never sling your net youll NEVER FLUKING MAKE THE CATCH }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ obviously you dont know anything about slinging net though }9_9{ so youre welcome four the pointers i guess }˚₊⊹ ࣪
false advvertisin the packagin lies much like the grimoires a zazzerfraud
࣪⊹₊˚{ YES yes YES yes EXAAAACTLY what you said }*u*{ literally yessss }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ like genuinely ever since i hit my head while flarping i see the light like, aaaall the time }9u9{ so yeah its just like that exaaaactly what you said }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ ill be waiting four your message babes }^3*{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
wwell first a all itd be COLD vviolet wwash do they not teach basic seadwweller biology on beforus or did you flunk that class durin schoolfeedin cause you wwere too preoccupied wwith the length a your thigh highs you spandex slappin slut
࣪⊹₊˚{ okay sure whatever but im actually, genuinely correct about this }˚₊⊹ ࣪ if you have a problem with me, you can LITERALLYYYY just stop glubbing + guide your prong to the block button.... }._.{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
࣪⊹₊˚{ okay wait i looked at your pfp + i just wanted to say i changed my mind. dm me. i will literally like, stop four you. i swear this r+om servants LIFE i will get better or something. }˚₊⊹ ࣪
please cod no you no i hate the lusus store id rather spend a light in a lowwblood block
࣪⊹₊˚{ swear ON it.... }˚₊⊹ ࣪ ࣪⊹₊˚{ on whats his horns life i would literally consider changing in the future four you }6_6{ }˚₊⊹ ࣪
wwhat the ACTUAL fuck
alright. see? this is vwhat i meant by you making it vweird. i am talking about MY stanely and you made it about givwing big, hairy muscle bears backrubs. i cant stand this hivwe. do you knowv howv hard it is being the only straight guy on beforus?
honestly, doesnt feel great. the vwhole pride thing, at least, coming from you. but yeah, trust me, i take good care of the 8IG fella. id nevwer leavwe my stanely boy hanging.
im gettin closer an closer to bitin its head off
Awww for a little kiss kiss!!!! So sweet!!!
im gonna cook it
im puttin its little head in my mouth
the lusii deservve to suffer as i havve suffered no amount a hippie quackery self healin telos is gonna change the blackened hatred that ovverflowws from my leprous pump biscuit
T)(at is w)(at I am )(ere for!!! We all )(ave to nurture our friends true intentions and make sure t)(ey do not feel as)(amed of t)(em because of t)(e pressures Alternia )(as put on our men!
T)(at you want to )(elp t)(at wounded )(amster!!! Isn't t)(at so.... O)()()()(!! I see!!! I read your post wrong BUT I was just reading your TRU----E intentions to )(elp t)(at sweet wounded )(amster lusus!!!! 38)
- You are too kind. Pardon mme, Zoologer, for I were to answer your question in the exact termms I wished to use, you mmight find it unbecomming of mme as a professional. To put it simmply, though: yes, they have. But scarcely ever as they as beautiful as you. ;-) - As for mmy Work. It did, a long timme ago. My tenure as the Mediator Helpmmeet was the mmost invigorating timme of mmy short Life. - I had never felt so useful. So needed. So emmpowered, powerful. Even mmore so than I had during mmy raucous club nights, I felt aLive. - Those nights are long behind mme now. The freelance conciliation Work I amm allowed to do warmms mmy cracked pusher somme. Yet, I still long for mmore. I suppose they're all right when they say we're all hatched for sommething. - Also do you really mmean that about the riding proposition or
vwell, hes definitely a close friend. i guess you could say that.
wwhat
A lot on your mind today, Big E?
OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 8oring
sorry, but i cant tell ya. thatd be vweird. just do the guessvwork. i knowv youvwe got it in you.
https://forms.gle/2w9FseGAoHseZEcN7 QUESTION: So you have the apple bottom jeans? Perhaps some boots with the fur to go along with them? And have you ever gotten "low" while wearing them? ANSWER: I did promise to deliver. Pardon me if I retain my vertical integrity on camera, though. I won't be getting "low" on demand.
holy glubbin fuck this is unprecedented i didnt realize you had that in you i didnt understand your game
I miss you too!!!! 38,) I am already s)(opping for your room's R----ESTOCK!!! I am so excited to see you get all of your goodies!!!! You know I am always a call, text, or knock on t)(e door away!!!! 38D Glub you!
I suppose I owe a sincere apology to those of you whose contact with me has lapsed over the last... week? two weeks? I don't quite recall! :B Frankly, in all the lotus-eating festivity, I completely lost track of the calendar, and with it my professional agenda... but I take it Unreal Heiress kept my appointments and delivered my pre-formulated responses at the office in a timely manner! I've been away. It was entirely incidental that the extension of an invitation to "hang" reached my inbox so shortly after my... change in status. Hrm! And then we... gee. It feels invasive to summarize the hours upon hours of Gill Time which commenced across the following days! ... Where was I? Oh, yes, right. I guess I'm home now. Or. Whatever. Who cares. I miss you already, @cuttlefishCabbalist! :( More pictures of our escapades incoming. #BFFS #gillfronds #noromo #bestfriendsforever #sisters https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/ff3e335cf5b7.PNG
i heard it vwas #yuriday. nowv i'm not a lesbian (or a girl) but if you ladies had just one look at me you'd see howv beautiful i am and you'd be cured in an instant.
I DON'T US------E SLURS!!!!!!!!!!
slur tier list (not comprehensivve feel free to collaborate in the replies) S - faygocel (coined by @caligulaAscendit) / finless / drowwner / dirtsniffer / gutterblood (a classic. evveryone knowws this one) / gillslut A - assblood / scumblood / cronus / clodhopper / B - pissblood / shitblood / foulblood / bucket fondler / peasantblood / brinesucker C - swwillblood / rusty / limey / fudgeblood / snotblood / mustardblood / mudcrawwler / scumsucker / saltlick D - wwader / chumbucket / cavviar
Don't go around just... posting things like this! Not cool, Amperage! Ugh. This entire gaggle of genetically similar seadwellers are insuffera8le pricks.
- You, Zoologer, again act in concert with your noble, violet hatchright. You always do. You are an upstanding and highly sublimme exammple of the mmodel Beforan of tonight, young or old, cold or warmm, wants to, no, OUGHT to be. ※ PROPOSAL: Could I borrow 50 caegars?
Welcome to the Sord Coast, @caligulasAquarium, @handMaid, @deathlessDeadwood, @glamorousAuspiciar, @glitteringAcuity, @affableCantor, and @timaeusTestified#0414. All other #LAIRSANDLUSII Player Applicants are in reserves for one shots. This is a malformed and deeply suspicious continent resting somewhere west of civilization, east of reason, and directly beneath the gaze of several actively malicious stars. It is host to doomed kingdoms, irresponsible wizardry, overfunded churches, hereditary violence, prophetic nonsense, and of course, monsters with distressingly specific emotional needs. Its peoples are varied and all equally terrible. Humans sharpen swords they cannot lift. Sea-dwelves run criminal empires from seafood restaurants. Purplebloods host traveling revival circuses that qualify as small forms of government. Jadeblood druids continually attempt to solve ecological collapse using bisexual polycules, moss, and the occasional jamboree. This campaign is semi-serious. Which is to say that my narrative, worldbuilding, and emotional stakes are all real. However, you are players. Ergo, I expect you to lay into absurdism, interpersonal drama, catastrophic violence, emotional sincerity tied up in irony, and the occasional moments of horror. This is inspired by our combined experiences of SGRUB, SBURB, and life itself. This much you know from the primer. You are not entering a campaign in the traditional sense. That word is too clean. Too martial. Too eager to promise that someone, somewhere, knows what they are doing. You are entering a Session. Its rules have been assembled from bad maps, old grudges, misread prophecies, dead gods, worse living ones, and the awful instinct that convinces otherwise sensible people to open a door because the growling on the other side has become narratively compelling. I will serve as your Session Guardian. This does not quantify myself as an enemy. I am the one holding the lantern, the knife, the Game Grimoire, the Minion Manual, and the small porcelain cup from which I will sip whilst you explain why your character should be allowed to renegotiate zoning rights to make hallowed land a commercial district. You are Hero Players. You may not necessarily be heroes, but it is the title given by the mechanism of the game. Simply put, this means the session has noticed you. Some invisible mechanism has turned its attention in your direction and begun making noise. Your choices may acquire symbolic weight. Your mistakes will develop into motifs. Your bad ideas will have teeth. This is considered the beginning of an adventure, but it is really a warning sign. The Sord Coast does not have a healthy relationship with destiny. Most continents have a founding myth. The Sord Coast has several, all mutually hostile, all partially true, and all somehow legally binding. Every ruined tower is a footnote in an argument nobody living remembers. Every noble family is a hereditary Status Affliction with dinner manners. Every church is either hiding a miracle, laundering one, feeding one in the basement, or attempting to invoice the gods for services rendered. There are kings here, though few deserve the term. There are saints, though most were canonized by committees with weapons. There are wizards who should have been stopped during adolescence. There are knights who believe strongly in honor, which is usually a polite way of saying they own armor and have not yet been contradicted by anyone with a shovel. You will find yourself undertaking Land Objectives for consorts, witches, fishmongers, pirates, druidic councils, cathedral bureaucrats, criminal families, ghosts, lusii, petty gods, wounded monsters, suspicious grubs, and at least on individual who is clearly lying. Some questlines will seem important. Some trivial. Some will reveal after sessions of mockery that they have quietly been the central plot of the story. The spine of it all. This is not a flaw in the session. This is how stories behave when left unattended. You will carry your sylladex. You will have a strife deck. Even if you insist on calling it a sword, staff, bow, frying pan, pistol, haunted umbrella, or emotionally significant brick. It will be your most valued tool. You will gain Boondollars, you will suffer in your vitality. You will attain afflictions. You will role to enter the ideal timelines. You will roll Perfect Timeline Hits at the worst possible moment and immediately waste them on nonsense. You will roll Critical Timeline Failures in moments where dignity would have been convenient. This, too, is tradition. There will be Strife Encounters. There will be Lair Progressions. There will be Terminal Strifes. There will be underlings, elite underlings, Denizens, and things that should be monsters but are either objects of pity, attraction, or professional curiosity. I have already accepted that some creature may become a recurring cast member despite his ER being 0.125. I resent this only slightly. The tone of this Session is gothic absurdist adventure. You are encouraged to take your characters seriously, but not yourselves. You are encouraged to joke, scheme, flirt, mourn, grandstand, confess, lie, apologize poorly, make threats you cannot back up, and occasionally realize that the bit has become more emotionally honest than the scene it interrupted. Expect horror, and jokes, and sincerity while accepting solemnity, a lack of safety, and stupid hats. This is a world where a clown sermon may conceal a coup, where a seafood restaurant may serve as the front for a sea-dweller crime syndicate, where a moss-covered polycule may genuinely be the last line of defense against ecological collapse, and where a noble duel may be interrupted because the ancestral ghost has notes about everyone’s posture. Absurdity is not the opposite of seriousness here. It is the native dialect of the type of seriousness I indulge in. Your pre-entry histories are also to be indulged in. They will matter sincerely. Backgrounds exist as far more than the decorative lace pinned to a player profile to make you seem more appealing. It is a loaded mechanism. Haunted paperwork in the background of your diligence to be consulted whenever introducing a concept. Each NPC in your background sits dangling by a thread as the villains toss knives in the air, hoping to snag dear old GRANDMACRAB. If you give me a hometown, I will endanger it. If you give me a sibling, I will complicate them. If you give me a rival, I will make them competent. If you give me a god, I will make them answer. If you give me a dead parent, I will decide how loudly the grave can speak. If you give me nothing, I will assume the absence was intentional, and I will ask what kind of person becomes interesting without knowing what abandoned them. This is my narrative hospitality. The Sord Coast is full of people who would like to be mistaken for the Primary Terminal Threat. Monarchs with inherited curses. Pirate-princes with excellent teeth. Cathedral treasurers with assassin budgets. Revival preachers whose congregations double as armies. Lich-adjacent academics with tenure. Fishmongers with spy networks. Druidic elders who can end a war with a kiss, a mushroom circle, or an extremely pointed group meeting. Some are villains. Some are quest givers. Some are both. The world does not owe it to you to organize its monsters by function for your convenience, nor do I. Feel free to kill, spare, expose, embarrass, seduce, betray, redeem, employ, be adopted by, adopt, or install them in a position of municipal authority. I will not stop you from making these decisions, provided they are interesting and you accept the bill when it arrives. Death is on the table. So is resurrection. So is coming back wrong. So is learning that death was a stepping stone to greatness. A Hero Death may be noble, stupid, funny, horrifying, or all four in rapid succession. A Doomed Timeline may still matter. A fixed point may still bleed. The Alpha Timeline may appear to favor you, but I advise against trusting it. The Alpha Timeline does not love anyone. It has preferences. Most of those preferences resemble a cat pushing glassware off a table while maintaining eye contact. I operate similarly to the God Tier system. Your death may not matter unless it is heroic or just. You will be rewarded for engagement, style, cleverness, emotional sincerity, dramatic stupidity, and understanding when the joke should become a knife. You will not be rewarded for refusing to touch every suspicious object. Even if it is cursed, you should probably touch it anyway. Haha. The Session wants characters with wants. Not vague preferences. Not “I guess they like adventure.” Wants. Sharp ones. Ugly ones. Noble ones. Embarrassing ones. Wants that can survive contact with danger. Wants that can become mistakes. Wants that can tempt, wound, and transform. Bring me someone who needs something. Suggestions: A throne. An apology. A cure. A name. A family. A god’s attention. A chance to prove everyone wrong. A chance to prove one specific person right. A reason not to become what they already suspect they are. Bring me flaws that can do work. Pride. Cowardice. Hunger. Vanity. Devotion. Guilt. Curiosity. Loyalty pointed at the wrong target. Mercy applied at the worst possible moment. A private belief so central to the character that challenging it feels like violence. Again, you are playing a character, not a statue. You are not an ideal. The session also expects you to play with one another. Not just beside one another. Interpersonal drama is welcome. Conflict is welcome. Rivalry is welcome. Romance, suspicion, loyalty, bravery, whatever. It is welcome. Also quadrants are the primary romance system. What is not welcome is making the table miserable and calling it characterization. Your character may be a problem, even if you aren't. There is a difference. The sord Coast is a continent within Lairs and Lusii. The Lairs are wounds dug into the earthen soil and seas. They are old crimes with doors, threatening you to enter. The world tried to bury them. Lusii are not just beasts. They are guardians. Some are gods. Some are ecological facts. Some are parents in the same way a guillotine is a civic instrument. Some will protect you. Some will hunt you. Treat all with caution. You will travel through coastal towns with salt in the walls and knives in the local government. You will cross forests where the trees gossip in dead languages. You will enter churches whose stained glass keeps changing its mind. You will meet sea-dwelves who conduct business through shellfish, purplebloods who think theology requires pyrotechnics, jadebloods who believe every crisis can be resolved through ritual, compost, and a sufficiently complicated relationship chart. You will meet humans. I apologize in advance. The Session Parameters are simple enough. Pay attention. Share the spotlight. Do not hide from the premise. Make choices. Accept consequences. Let your character be affected by the world. Let your character affect it in return. Do not arrive with a Hero Player who is too cool to care, too detached to hurt, too ironic to want, or too competent to fail in an entertaining fashion. The Sord Coast has no use for immaculate people. It eats them first, usually out of spite. You are allowed to be funny. You are allowed to be tragic. You are allowed to be strange. You are allowed to make the Session Guardian stare silently at the ceiling for several seconds while deciding whether to permit something deranged because it is, regrettably, thematically appropriate. This will happen often. I have made peace with that as well. Mostly. When the Session begins, you will not be expected to know everything. You should not know everything. Excessive certainty is unbecoming in a world where the stars have motives and the maps are probably lying. Ask questions. Make assumptions. Be wrong loudly enough that someone can correct you before the bridge collapses. Or don't. Maybe. The bridge deserved to get collapsed. There will be mysteries. Not every mystery is a puzzle however. Some mysteries are miseries. Some are just evasive rich lords. You are not required to solve my world with perfect efficiency. You are only required to make your attempts interesting. There will be moral choices. Safety, mercy. Truth, Peace. Saving someone who hates you, or punishing someone who deserves it. If you are looking for a world that will label the correct answer, you took a wrong turn back at Albuquerque. The Session will have jokes about odd topics. Crab divorce comes to mind. It will also have grief, silly names, consequences. It will have ugly little goblins who are unionizing asking you to kill the scab goblins. Ornate villains with tragic motives may fall for you. At least one scene will have everyone realizing the bit has gone too far and must be honored fully and wholly. This is the texture of my game. The joke is allowed to matter. The horror is allowed to be funny. The sincerity is allowed to be embarrassing. The embarrassment is allowed to become sacred. Bring a Player Profile that can survive that kind of weather. If you can not. Do not. The Sord Coast is waiting. Its Lairs are open. Its Lusii are hungry. Its churches are overfunded. Its stars are watching. Its seafood is not to be trusted. Prepare your Sylladex. Select your Strife Specibus. Review your Pre-Entry History for loose knives. Calibrate your expectations toward danger, irony, and deeply inadvisable tenderness. The Session will begin soon.
EVEЯRYO_E'S ALWAYS CLAIMI_G TO BE A_ ELITE EMPLOYEE. THE BEST OF THE WOЯRST. BUT I SAW @gratuitousA__uity CHEW THE GUM OFF THE BOTTOM OF HIS SUPEЯRIOЯR'S SHOE A_D LICK THEM BOTH CLEA_ AFTEЯR. A_D HIS PICTUЯRE IS THE O_LY O_E O_ THE WALL.
not many know this but a fun fact about myself that i notice other jades dont typically have as far as im aware? i have fur on my arms and from the knees down! and peets! :) its really cute and aids in my height but they can sometimes be a real pain haha
╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ ╰┈➤ #NSFWWW. #Dubcon ╰┈➤ 𝙸magine be.ing lost in a rainforest ╰┈➤ You think you're alone, a moment of peace since you www.ere last attacked by the beasts www.hich call this region their hive ╰┈➤ You rest against a tree for a moment... ╰┈➤ You begin to feel tired... ╰┈➤ Never have you felt safer than you do here ╰┈➤ The foliage glowww.s www.ith gentle bursts of stardust ╰┈➤ The pollen infects your senses... ╰┈➤ Your thighs gently rub together as your bulge starts to squirm ╰┈➤ The heat and humidity are really gett.ing you nowww. as you sleepily grind against yourself, your bulge ach.ing to be released ╰┈➤ As you start to swww.eat you feel someth.ing .organic www.rap around your ankle, it slowww.ly pulls you forwww.ard into a bed of flowww.ers ╰┈➤ You're far too out of it to resist, inhal.ing more of the sickly swww.eet pollen infect.ing your lungs ╰┈➤ Your body t.ingles ╰┈➤ Slowww.ly, more and more vines tangle you, they start to produce thorns, never cutt.ing your skin but tear.ing awww.ay your clothes www.ith ease ╰┈➤ You don't even process www.hat's happen.ing to you until their blades retract and start to gently crawww.l to your bulge ╰┈➤ Star.ing dowww.n, you think you'll get the moment of relief... your plea is unanswww.ered as they slowww.ly tease your nook ╰┈➤ You gasp, body shak.ing as you feel them penetrate, you can't tell but it has to be at least 3, they're thick, www.arm ╰┈➤ Hours pass... HOURS... ╰┈➤ 𝙸 kid, it only feels like hours, minutes feel like the longest torture you've ever .exeperienced ╰┈➤ They .completely ravage you ╰┈➤ By the time they're done you're covered in sticky, swww.eet nectar, every hole stuffed to the brink www.ith it ╰┈➤ Maybe you'll stay on this trip a little longer, not like you have a choice
)(ttps://www.youtube.com/watc)(?v=M5AJa)(09J)(8
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-----------------------------E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E---------------E!!!!!!!!!!! 38D 38D 38D 38D
If you or a loved one have been hurt by "wizard pussy" you are entitled to financial compensation. #nsfw
clearly you all enjoyed shrimp wwith the wwimps but are you ready to dine on lobster wwith the monsters #rumble #yaoi #rankbait https://msparp.chat/rumbleindapumpkinpatch
https://msparp.chat/rumbleindapumpkinpatch the megidos are currently wwrasslin in a wwiggler pool full a lube
NEVER SUBMIT. NEVER SURRENDER. #NSFW. #TEAMDIRK #DIRKJAKE #RUMBLE @ARCHIVEADDICT HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/73869E08C8E2.PNG HTTPS://MSPARP.CHAT/RUMBLEINDAPUMPKINPATCH
maid vs maid livefeed https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f9e8f4146822.png #jakedirk #rumbleindapumpkinpatch
wwhile im not the biggest fan a the democratic process (monarchy ftww) this nevverendin strife ovver #dirkjake #jakedirk has spilled rivvers a blood ruined friendships and propelled incredible marketin campaigns for far too fuckin long therefore the wwill a the masses must be harnessed and the truth must come out i knoww i knoww wwe are shockingly bereft a the obvvious ERIDAN option believve me your complaints are heard for noww lets just get this human yaoi hullabaloo sorted out then wwe wwill get to the important shit #ivvoted #didyou? #dirkjake #jakedirk #rumblenight #rumbleindapumpkinpatch https://poll-maker.com/poll5785981x4f474EB6-168
wwith each year spent alivve and awway from the dream bubbles the memories fade further into obscurity to the point i begin wwonderin did any a that shit really happen did i evver actually knoww those people and did they knoww me or just a facsimile a eridan a screenshot a wwhat he wwas that nevver got to become anythin more did he die again wwhen i came back and im just vvaguely recallin the things he felt at least i still remember the eridan ampora secret handshake me and the other eris came up wwith
Bow. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/817cd5a910ae.png (art by SpookyPoopet on Discord)
I miss Karkat, we could literally be drinking wine and watc)(ing reality TV rig)(t now! 38(
self portrait https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/26de4e75ad7a.png (tags: The Rankmaid/Chittr, my face, rankmaid-sensei, #gore, archive rating: G)
kiki my fat neet ass im so fucking upset right now (tags: The Rankmaid/Vagueposting, this war never ends, #mywar, archive rating: E)
:33 < befurrus is such a fucked up place. wow
nEWS: qU1RKED UP V1OLET THEY ORDERS 1N PERFECT WARMBLOOD, SHOCK1NG WA1T STAFF, - n1TRAM-DONO
:33 < hmmmm purrhaps mewr right! :33 < i am also messed to my purridan ampurra being a douchebag which has its own charms i suppawse :33c :33 < this "kindness" f33ls more like... i dunno. it doesn't f33l kind. it f33ls. pitiful.
Disagree all you'd like! As a kind and gracious -Empress, I am more t)(an )(appy to )(ear feedback from t)(e lower castes. I am equally )(appy to c)(ange your t)(inkpan! Per)(aps, as an Alternia, you s)(rimply )(ave no experience wit)( compass-ionate )(ig)(bloods, but once you get used to it, you'll sea t)(at we only want w)(at's best for you!!!
:33 < i much purrefur mew as a dick, weirdly enough! :33 < this just f33ls weird
T)(at's no way to talk to someone w)(o is only trying to )(elp. 38(
)(ow sweet of you!!! It sounds like t)(ey were so appreciative of suc)( a selfless act of kindness t)(at it rendered t)(em speec)(less. It's a good t)(ing a benelovent )(ig)(blood suc)( as yours)(ellf was around to )(elp!
Very good! I'm SO PROUD of you for practicing proper dental care!!!
Well of course!!!!! Since you were so enc)(anc)(ovied by MY punnage t)(at you adopted t)(em for yours)(ellf, I )(ave to be a good role model for you! 38)
It's spelled *S)(ep)(erd, actually. 38)
As everyone gets busy wit)( t)(eir )(oles, I must reefmind you all to be careful wit)( t)(em! You wouldn't want to damage t)(e structural fintegrity of your )(ole by letting t)(e wrong person fall into it!!!
>> Th¡ડ one ડcareડ me a 1¡tt1e honeડt1y
In Other Exciting And Pleasant News A Fresh Hatchling Has Bitten An Earring Straight From My Ear Chewed It And Swallowed It So Im Not Really Sure How My Day Could Get Any Better Than This
NO FuCKING MEAT.
LESS THAN NOTHING. ACTuALLY. BONE DRY.
YOu OFFER ME NOTHING. AND I BEG TO NOBODY.
NuH uH.
O)(, I'm sorry, I must not )(ave made mys)(ellf clear. Zoologer Coolscar is my B-EST-EST FRI-END ----EV-ER so it would serve you well not to besmirc)( t)(eir duties in my presence. Wit)( t)(at out of t)(e way. I AGR-E-E t)(at you s)(ould be carving your own legasea!! I'm a )(uge supporter of you kids and your lofty ideals and I cannot wait to sea w)(at you manage to accompfis)( in life! I can tell you )(ave t)(e spirit of a real s)(arktist somew)(ere in t)(ere!
oh man. the empress herself praising my vwork? i'm on cloud nine. i alwvays told my friends you vwere a straight arrowv. this is an honor. ugh, don't mention that guy, though. i'm trying to carvwe my owvn legacy awvay from all...that. honestly, they're not evwen THAT great. the praise is a LITTLE excessivwe for someone vwho cleans lusii droppings all light. just saying! plus, they're so far removwed from the plight of the people. unlike me. i knowv vwhat the people cravwe. vwhat they need. i am the people. this is, of course, the part vwere i vwould strum a fewv gs on my guitar, but i vwon't. because you can't hear it. but you can alvways pretend that my dulcet melodies are beside you, cocooning you like a baby peach, platonically, of course.
)(----EY!!! Waterever pat)(etic one-sided rivalry you t)(ink you )(ave wit)( me is between YOU and M-E, you DIZZY FR-EAK BITC)(. Leave my morayeel out of it or I'll stomp your C)(-EAP V-EN-E-ERS so far into t)(e back of your skull you'll be spitting out dentures for t)(e next 300 sweeps!!!
yes biggest hole
find my holes
lmao! classic strat #myfirsthugevarwasat16 #soyea
got fired in a way that im pretty sure violates my contract im not returning the outfit since lord english gave it to me so doc scratch doesnt get a say in that do i change my title too? i think ill just hang out with @archiveAddict for a while its kind of a bummer for this arc to end as abruptly as it did and she always makes me smile
Y0U T4GG3D WWR0NG G4RNDP4 Y0U D0N7 PPU7 4 5P4C3 IN Y0URR H45HT4G45TUP1DD
38|
no fucking tags because im too upset
i just got fucking fired
Awwwwww!!! You )(ave t)(e cutest little fins too! I'm so sad I can't see t)(em wriggle and wraggle around for mys)(ellf rig)(t now. 38,( You are so rig)(t, as always. It is IMP-ERATIV-E t)(at we get toget)(er for tea. And soon!!! Are you free six nig)(ts from now? I )(ave an upcoming meeting I can ditc)( )(e)(e)(e)(.
S)(---ELLO B-EAUTIFUL P-EOPL-E OF C)(ITTR!!! T)(oug)( I certainly need no fintroduction, it would be SO RUD-E of me not to offer one anywaves. So )(i! As you probubbly know, I am S)(ep)(erd Constern, t)(e one and only -Empress of T)(---E one and only Great Beforan -Empire, )(ere to spread peace and love t)(roug)(out t)(e tunaverse! I am so -EXCIT-ED to finally be able to join all of my wonderful glubjects and glubjects-to-be on t)(is cute little platform! )(appy C)(itting, all!!!
)(I B----ESTI---E!!!
YOU!!!!!!!!!
no more posts for the night, but if you vwanna see more of my #deep thoughts, dont accidentally block the tag #cagttl okay? if you do that then you vwont be able to see my #deep thoughts, so please dont block the #cagttl tag okay? thanks <3
cronus amporas guide to the ladies part 2: jade harley #nsfwv #nsfvwe #petplay #dubcon #cagttl yes. ear scritches vwork. lets just get that outta the wvay. i hawve newver, and i mean newver, met a jade wvho didnt melt for this. try scratching at the base of the tail too, just abovwe it, they lovwe that shit. sure youll sometimes find non-dog jades, but thats pretty damn rare. they alwvays go for the petplay stuff too, like, evwen if youre pretty wvanilla you shouldnt hawve a problem tossing out a good girl or good puppy, thatll get her wvagging like crazy. you a little more advwenturous? collar, maybe ewven leash. i alwvays keep a wviolet collar on me for emergencies like this, you should get into the habit of carrying one vwith your color on it. real nice shorthand for establishing wvhos the boss. okay, nowv for the nitty gritty. thats a stupid fucking phrase, nitty gritty. anywvays, there are a fewv types of jade i see. the easiest, but maybe the most boring, are the innocent jades. bright eyed, bushy tailed, dumber than a doorknob. theyll do vwhat you say, beliewve wvhat you say, and lowve evwery second of it. you dont need a guide for her, cmon, just be confident and take vwhat you wvant, shell thank you for it. so a bit tougher are like... dunno hovw to describe em, exactly. theyll turn into the first type of jade wvith some lovwing, but theyre like a real person at first. usually still swveet and bubbly, but theyvwe got some brains. thats vwhere you attack. see, in my experience, jades hate hawving brains. underneath all that genki girl shit, shes like, sad and stuff. shes super smart, and powverful, and hard on herself because she dont think shes enough. you cant let her think shes enough, obwviously, except enough to be your cute lil pet. you gotta help her get into the right mindspace to shut her brain off. givwe her praise, offer her help, unload as much of her mental load onto yourself as you can. appeal to that puppy part of her, its alwvays powverful. she might yip a lil, but her barks vworse than her bite. actually, thats not true, dealing wvith jades has backfired on me once or twvice, but its usually still vworth it. just as an addendum, jades arent as freaky as roses, but they still tend to be pretty freaky. youll nevwer hawve to push em as much, theyre like, in constant heat or something. try letting them get a good wvhiff of you, that wvorks for some of em. but yeah, they lowve getting themselvwes into situations vwhere theyll havwe to do wvhat you say, so take advwantage of that, obwviously. for not being magic gals i find them messed up vweirdly a lot, do wvith that wvhat you wvill. also, theres that vwhole grimdark thing. dont think ivwe ewver taken adwvantage of it myself, but theres gotta be something to that, right? also, if youre a bronze? good for you pal, you knowv vwhat to do. rating time bod: jades tend curwvier, sometimes wvay too much. you vwouldnt think thats possible, but it is. still, cant complain too much about getting more to hold, if you knovw wvhat im saying. sometimes theyre buff vwhich is fine, but just not really my thing 8/10 vwariety: the puppy play is fun and all, but its pretty much vwhat youre gonna get out of a jade. 5/10 ease: jades are so fuckin easy <3 the scritches are all you need most of the time 9/10 personality: can get a lil annoying and i prefer a bit more meat to my convwersations, but its hard to go vwrong wvith a cutie wvho vwants you bad 8/10 ovwerall? 8/10. im alvways happy to see a jade since i knowv im gonna havwe a fun time wvith her. only real problem is that a lotta jades just arent my thing, but those gals wvill make it real obwvious real quick, so its easy to wveed em out. wvoof vwoof.
wwait dont ban codakk he is servvin a vvital role in the ecosystem here takin the heat off us amporas wwith his highly refined military grade sleaze
Hhhehlike @archiveAddict
FUCK YOU. YOU CAN RATE *MY* BULGE FOR ALL I CARE, YOU SWEATY, CLOISTERED FREAK OF NATURE. WAIT. NO.
oohhhhmg. yygd ddd
all men do is lie
I hope you all see me as not only a #Girlboss, but a cruel tyrant. - MC Oleana
jst make sure 2 keep servin
its ok 2 b old its xtra ok 2 b old if ur hawt as balls
Goregle. I need 760,000 caegar to pay off the Empress. How much can I sell pictures of myself for???? How much should I charge for bulge ratings???? Nearest J*b Application... #nsfw #nsfc
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/f22d7c20ff4c.png https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/deb6acb1f0e9.png A few days outside of #mypod. I'm told I look more #normal than before. ((Art by https://sartorially.tumblr.com ))
AS PROMISED. BORING. PLAIN. BOG-STANDARD. THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF "BARE FUCKING MINIMUM." UNLIKE THE OBNOXIOUS, SWAGGERING SHOWBOATS WHO SHOWED UP IN SIXTEEN LAYERS OF NEON GOSSAMER FOR MY BULB-SEARING PLEASURE. SIGH. SAY HI IF YOU'RE HERE, I GUESS. HTTPS://CDN.IMGCHEST.COM/FILES/A9803F4D8B82.JPG #MIDNIGHTCITYGALA
@affableCantor
I am going to have to get good at DDR. Myembarrassment was monumentallastnight. Rightinfrontofhighbloods. Neveragain.
-- carbolicGalvanologist has gone offline. [Reason: husktop exploded.] --
FROTHING SANCTIMONIOUS CHOIR OF FUCKULATION, HOW THE FUCK DOES A TROLL LIKE YOU EVEN *EXIST.* YOU'RE SO SICKENINGLY STERILE OF ALL MORAL INDIGNITY THAT IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE A MOLTEN HOLE THROUGH THE PLANET. AND THEN JUMP THROUGH IT, OSCILLATING BETWEEN THE POLES IN A PERPETUAL FREE FALL UNTIL I NESTLE INTO THE CHURNING CORE AND IMMOLATE MYSELF, BECOMING ONE WITH THE ECOSYSTEM THAT YOU'RE SO NAUSEATINGLY CHUMMY WITH. IN SUMMARY: YOU FREAK ME THE FUCK OUT, MAN.
FIRST OFF, NOT WHAT I'M CALLED. SECOND, I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN FOR YOU CONTINUE HIGHLIGHTING YOUR STUPID HAIR UNTIL IT'S SO SNIFFSTUMP-STABBINGLY CHOCK FULL OF COSMETIC PROPELLANT CHEMICALS THAT IT ONLY TAKES ONE TROLL LIGHTING A FUCKING MATCH IN YOUR GENERAL VICINITY TO TURN YOU INTO A FIREBALL THE SIZE OF WHICH CAN BE SEEN FROM THE FUCKING MOON. FUCK YOU. I HOPE YOU GET BITTEN AS SOON AS I'M DONE TYPING THIS CHIT.
>([my croissant is too fluffy my steak too tender]
wutever :/
1F YOU WERE MY ADVERSARY YOU WOULD RECE1VE MY PRONGS. yOU W1LL NOT RECE1VE THEM OTHERW1SE, - n1TRAM-DONO
I only cupe once a week...
fuck youre too strong evven my searin empirical wwhite powwwwah turns to goo in your presence i can feel my science wwand growwin limp get me the fuck outta here
its true i lovve vvirgins because as a highblood it is my destiny to defile
i had to go get a cylinder surgically unstuck from a mini m&ms tube filled with butter and microwaved mashed banana gomen for being away yesterday! im a bit woozy still but i will be replying to dms shortly did i miss anything catastrophic (tags: The Rankmaid/Chittr, rankmaid arisen, #nsfw, archive rating: M)
ngl i was boat 2 skip trainin cuz of yesterday but ma lusus didnt raise no bitch
concept: you can barely breathe between them like this your matesprit on one side and a perfect duplicate of them on the other theyre both making it their mission to unravel you two sets of lips on your neck four hands exploring the parts of you they both know far too well their identical voices whispering in your ears "which one of us are you going to start with?" "or would you rather just watch us have all the fun together instead?" (tags: Reader/Matesprit/Matesprit, #rankworks, #selfcest, timetravelplay, paradoxspaceplay, flushfic, redrom, threesome, #nsfw, exhibitionism, two of them, archive rating: M)
Routine exam that went very wrong. A disappointment for all involved.
The highest f0rm 0f r0mance ive experienced the past sweep is living vicari0usly thr0ugh rankmaids fanficti0n
drawing so many ampora hands and i realize i just need a cronus (not you dualscar just hate the post and keep scrolling) to complete my collection of amporalings who would stand in front of me to block a large explosion (tags: The Rankmaid/Amporas, you all wear so many stupid rings, archive rating: M)
:o) You're so friendly... :o) It's hard to be mad at you.
Unreal Heiress, play Ain't No Rest for the Wicked by Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox.
Ah, yes. The majestic lusus in its natural habitat. @affableCantor https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/9932b36b6e4c.gif
As it so happens, that's what he said, too.
Apparently!!! <:|
It doesn't matter what quality of beautiful, EXPENSIVE heirloom glacial char fillet kitchen staff feeds @caligulasAquarium for dinner at my house. I WILL come downstairs for a glass of water at three AM and find him eating the head, guts and bones out of the fridge. Apparently they just save it for him in a bowl at this point. Why do I even bother. I'm about to start feeding him like a Sea World intern. Whole critter right into his open maw.
... There, there. Don't, er. ... Sorrows. Sorrows, prayers. <:|
NOT FOR YOU!
AHEM. I may circulate this post for the afternoon and evening crowds again, so don't be surprised if you see a repost. Here are the details for the next season of TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND INTERDIMENSIONAL. Our roster will include: - Twelve trolls, rust through violet castes. Two will be permitted to enter as hemoanonymous. - Four carapacians. - Eight human beings. - Two wildcards. Sprites, cherubs, and species otherwise not listed here. The grand prize for winning will be a fast track to sleazy tabloid fame, a small fortune, and *one* favor of your choice granted by myself. TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND INTERDIMENSIONAL will be sponsored by Crockercorp and air exclusively on the Bettybroadcast Worldwide network (BBW). You have until May 1st to get your auditions in, at which point we will announce the final cast! We will begin live broadcasting on May 11. Please *Read* and fill out the attached form to audition. https://forms.gle/4LzUEzdjbB3ijuqD8 #totaldramaisland
EatIIng a comIIcally large 2andwIIch.
hm. ooh! i mean you could always dress up as your favorite character!
Receiving a bukkake from your loyal fans.
T0 sniff?
// Will be back friday! Feeling under the weather and need a small break to sleepn and recover. Mwah mwah.
NO, GOD NO! I AM *A LIME BLOOD*, I AM DEFINITELY *A FUCKING LIME BLOOD*. IF YOU BELIEVED ANY OF THE *COMPLETELY ACCURATE INFORMATION CO-SIGNED BY OUR LOVING EMPIRE*, YOU WOULD BE *COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED*! -- THIS POST IS PENDING FINAL REVIEW BY THE BEFORAN BUREAU OF PUBLIC INFORMATION. --
im so embarrassed i didnt notice it before it was pointed out but everyone seems to like the picture anyways so im keeping it up none of my undergarments were clean so i had to borrow my hivemates! 0///n///0
hh arigatou leijon-chan!
im trying to get better at posing for selfies does anyone have any tips https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/82f03a56fcbb.png (tags: The Rankmaid/Chittr, rankmaid-sensei, my face, archive rating: G)
- Palebro the fliees keep touching mme 🤣🤣🤣😰😰😰
d0es any0ne i kn0w c0nsent t0 being set 0n fire? i want t0 test s0mething. must be a g0d tier. 0u0
ARE YOU FUCKING PUPAL? EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'D HAVE TO BE SIX OR YOUNGER TO FIND ANY SORRY SEMBLANCE OF GENUINE EMOTIONAL SUCCOR FROM THOSE THINGS. GO AHEAD AND WRAP UP YOUR SECOND ADULT MOLT BEFORE YOU THINK ABOUT CHITTING BACK TO ME. AND KEEP MY FUCKING NUBS OUT OF YOUR PROVERBIAL SHOUT TUNNEL, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.
WOW. JUST WHAT I ORDERED. MORE PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF SELF-DEBASEMENT ON MY CHITTR FEED PLEASE! THE MORE OUTWARDLY MISERABLE, THE BETTER!
TOO FUCKING MUCH, APPARENTLY. HAVE YOU SEEN EVEN HALF THE TURGID BULLSHIT THESE NUTCASES HAVE BEEN SPEWING ON THE PUBLIC FEED? IT IS GOD DAMN *RELENTLESS*.
the fuck is your problem i hate you youre not ewven that cool
ooh mygd
Glub. 38/ #eridanweek
Alright. Beforans, 'cept fer @affableCantor are generally on th'shit list. I dunnae e'en \/\/\/\/ant t'think about the granularity o' that statement.
Jeff the Killer in my notifications and he's mediating me. HE'S mediating ME? I believe some reorganization of priorities are in order, here, Jeff.
w/e theyll both be @ #eridanweek 2nite anyways *EYEROLLLLLLL* #DRAMA #BOYSDRAMA #DRAMAQUEENS
- I'mm normmal.
can evveryone stop doin fucking terrorism at my wweek you guys its rude as shit #eridanwweek
:33 < I have a job!!! No time for dat, Lorn...
:33 < Pawt of me misses rolepurrlaying..
D --> The satisfaction of occupation salves all malcontent, Ms. Leijon
~matesprit pranked me by hitting me vvith his scuttlebuggy vvhen i vvas out for a vvalk he’s so funny lol
((I love dming my chittr friend ab #nsfw stuff "HEYYY HIS COCK IS OUT LOOK!!"
- NNNNOT mmy freaking private account! AGAIN! LOL! I MEANT TO DO THIS! I mmeant to do it twice! LOL!!!!!!!! 🤣
- This is so... 😱😳
[FORWARD] [UNCLASSIFIED] Hey everytroll, We here in upper management have been loving hearing all about #eridanweek. (Some of us are there right now!). In order to feed off this, we thought it would be a great idea to introduce our own Hip And Hype week -- #workweek! Get stuck in, knowing you're a part of something greater. If you exceed your numbers this week, we may even provide a flavour disc festivity for everyone. NOTE: Anyone who is deemed to not be sufficiently celebrating #workweek WILL be pulled into our offices for an interrorgation and put on a PIP (painful improvement plan) immediately. Many thanks, Management. #workweek.
No I Dont Think I Will Ever Have Another Medical Problem Again Frankly But The Concern Is Noted