♣ mediated by @tipsyGnostalgic

dunno wvhat that means but yes.
#InvestingEarly. #RoxySweep.

OOC || UPDATED PINNED POST || Jane Crocker. Earth-C. Link to Carrd and gallery below. May discuss NSFW, NSFWE, extreme violence. All art is the writer's.
All instances of HAL have now ascended. Unfortunately, this does include the Roomba, the truck, the smart fridge, the printer, and that dog-ass run of 4/20 disposable vapes.
In wonderful news, the "tip slip" incident of Season 2 has been purged from the internet! #NSFW #SUGGESTIVE
You're shitting me.

franklin badge gaming.

Wow. Fuck. Need a breakfast burrito.
i was feeling bummed out and kind of nostalgic, so i started rooting around in my dad's old wallet. just to see what i'd find. it is actually kind of insane how much junk you can fit inside this thing. there's still a car in there that i haven't had to whip out in years, seeing as i'm a wind god that can fly and don't really get out all that much anyway. my dad took a lot of pictures. i guess i'm thankful for that, because i wasn't really all that into photographing myself as a kid. or as an adult, for that matter. if it weren't for all of his meticulous scrapbooking, all of these important milestones from my childhood would be lost to time. eventually i'd even forget them, probably. like in a thousand years or something. and then it'd be like it never even happened. miss you, dad. happy father's day. #fathersday

Ahem. The Old Youtube playlist is more or less complete at 140 separate videos and spanning over eight hours. I plan to stream the playlist live on Saturday with a repeat viewing on Sunday, time permitting. The plan is to begin around lunch time both days with the stream carrying on through supper and into the early evening. Shall we say 11 AM EST to around 8 PM EST? We'll distribute the link on the morning-of. You are all welcome to attend for some or all of the viewing. See you there! #YoutubeParty #PutYourClothesBackOn

how much free time do you have beach i thought you was a ceo

Pokey Minch? Bah, what a stupid name! Sounds to me like the name of a spoiled little brat, if anything. Clearly, they at least got their name wrong for sure!
Who...is that...? (' o ' ❀)

pokey minch did nothing wrong.

Shopping trip. #BettyCrocker #Reup #NeedMyMix #Yummers!

Party's starting. Time to loiter in a corner until Roxy finds me and forces me to go "at least" say hi.

im in a R----E----EL bad fuckin mood today. dont fuck wit)( me.
"The annoying Dirk" they say, as if there's such a thing as a Dirk that's pleasant to be around.

i like em big i like em chunky i like em plumply i like em round with something something fuck dude god wouldnt dare strike me dead im his gift to fat people vertically horizontally if you are big its over im on that https://i.imgur.com/YWFTxq1.png
my pee hole is one of a kind i havve wwon interparadoxal competitions for the size a my pee hole wwhen i drop my drawwers in a full block evveryone gasps an applauds the perfect circumference a my pee hole my pee hole is irrational my pee hole is pi my pee hole abides by the golden ratio

Is that offer presented with the caveat that you'll ditch to stuff your gob with Carmella's manigott?

Will you?

Not in public.

Not to such a shameless, exhibitionist degree.

Thanks for letting us know you cherub!jorked it.

You're at Buca Di Beppo, the altar of my ultimate social betrayal, at 8:50 in the morning. You went to Pope Room sleepaway camp? Is this what I'm hearing? At this critical hour in my life, you are eating room-temperature leftover macaroni and gravy in the bedswaddle of your white Neo-Venetian tablecloth?

#HiRoxy #DinnerAtBeppos #BeThere

right as i liekd this some1 hated it @whoever u are we have 2 kiss now

You'll Get It Back Eventually, Time Is Inevitable After All.
TW #kinkshaming #pride This is s9 awful. I'm s9rry y9u had t9 face such prejudice and judgement, and fr9m an elected 9fficial n9 less! Th9ugh part 9f me is n9t surprised, as even an elected 9fficial is still an 9fficial that represents the d9minant p9wer structures 9f their g9vernment - and all the pr96lematics that c9me with it. I had h9ped that he was 9ne 9f The G99d 9nes, 6ut I see n9w that assessment was false.

yowza.
magics faker than foxy menageries tits, sorry, goldie. also, i havwe no idea vwhat youre talking about. ivwe alvways been like this. aka not a loser. you must be confusing me vwith the other guy (dont knowv howv you managed that. youre lucky youre cute).

hey there handsome, mowve outta the wvay, givwe us a look at that portrait youvwe got in the back. yeah, wvhy aint vwe playing at this tall glass of wvater?

captain... thygh? like, thighs? god damn this game is genius. and shes a blonde!
kay look u make an EXCELLENT point cuz as we all know wizardry is one of the most desirable qualities a man can possess n because of that im willing to give him the benefit of the doubt but at the FIRST sign of bullshit im pulling out the void beam alright #selfcare
Happy June. Who’s gonna put an egg in me. #mymouth #eatingeggs #ienjoytheshellcrushinundermyteeth #calcium

ROXY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 38D 38D 38D
rrrrrrroooooooxxyyyyyyyyy,,,,, #substances #nsfw [shes drunk but im not sure how to tag it]

A man is pulled over by the police for a broken headlight. The policeman looks in the car and sees a collection of knifes on the back seat. "Sir, may I ask why you have those knives?" - the driver replies "They're for my juggling act." The officer asks him to prove it, so he gets out of the car and begins to juggle the knives just as two men drive by, with one of them remarking "Wow, I'm glad I stopped drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard." #jokes @insecureNature

don't pity this one im ok.

And now, perhaps, they kiss...?
Get a load of this guy.
https://i.ibb.co/XrtJN6xk/image.png #FaceReveal by popular demand. #VRChat #VRCat @tipsyGnostalgic#2248

Grab your britches and tighten your belts- the rumblethon-a-rama is set to blow your briefs plum OFF until youre sitting in your skivvies thinking... *shucks* these guys are going at each other hardcore. Were going BACK TO THE PUMPKIN PATCH. Skipping hump day and sliding straight to tussletime thursday! You havent seen oil like this since #eridanweek... and whos to say i wont be taking two princes once more? Fit to make the last set of wicked heels look like damn tubby time. Two for two in a one on one youll never guess what weve got stocked in the back! Well have MUSIC and RHYMES and best of all... two chuckleheads going railing hard as all get out on each other until the fat lady SINGS. Yowzers!!! Someone turn OFF the heat because this whole shindig is about to be FIRE. Be there or be square... more deets in the works so #watchthisspace! https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/beee53c3eedb.gif
https://i.ibb.co/j9JLVYY0/image.png Maybe you all are stuck in virtual reality, and VRChat is the real world. Wouldn't that be fucked up. @tipsyGnostalgic#2248
it's the 0nly way t0 get y0u t0 st0p. i'll just be minding my 0wn business and she'll sneak up and fucking pepper me with it until i agree t0 a little cigarette tip party.
everyb0dy reading this sh0uld kn0w that she puts them 0ut 0n me just a heads up. laughs her ass 0ff ab0ut it t00.
In honor of 4/20, I've been uploaded to a limited run of disposable vapes. Frankly not our best work, and I'm not terribly attached to my myriad chud sons, so you're welcome to leave them to rot between the carseat and the console. Get yours now. https://i.ibb.co/2195GQ9p/image.png #Substance #Drugs #420.
Yes!

concept: giving your ai matesprit control of your lovense their modulated voice sounding breathy over the speaker you keep by your bed as they talk you through it (tags: Reader/AI, #nsfw, flushfic, toys, #rankworks, joi, become the vibrator, archive rating: E)
Instances of HAL will experience a brief disruption in service as he takes his stupid fucking flea bath. °゚º❍。🧽 へ ⊹ ❍ ૮ - ՛ ) ࣪❍˖ ❍ / ⁻ ⸝⸝⸝| ⋆。 ⊹° 乀 (ˍ, ل ل º⊹。 Deworming in progress. -DS

↘️hhhhnggg i will require time to↘️ ↘️tyype mythoughts professionalky.↘️

Always and forever a favourite. #ListeningNow https://open.spotify.com/track/6ula1eOgHgcLZhUOPYdmq0?si=7ee4df527a1a4514

The hell am I supposed to do about some random simp living their best life away from any sort of meaningful pursuit of education, employment, or training? We're born free. All of us. Free. It doesn't matter how strong the ones who try to deny it are.

"It's called Dersite humor. You'd better take your sensitive ass back to Prospit." A real exchange I overheard at #outglutmasquerade.

Yes, it was. :B

better than youd think!
I CANNOT DESCRIBE. THE AGONIZING SHAPES MY GANDERNERVES TIE THEMSELVES INTO. WITH THE FORCE OF MY EYEROLL. WHEN I CLICK INTO A PROFILE. ONLY TO SEE. THAT DICK AND JANE HAVE FIVE MATESPRITS EACH. FIRST OF ALL. WHAT HAPPENED TO GOOD OLD FASHIONED CHEATING. SECOND. IF YOU ADVERTISE YOUR ROSTER. EXPECT COMPETITION. AND THIRD. LISTING OUT YOUR ENTIRE COURTLY HAREM. IN RANKED ORDER. IS A JOB FOR TRUSTED EUNUCHS ONLY. TO BE SEALED IN A TOME. WHERE NO ONE CAN BE STRUCK BLIND AND STERILE BY THE SIGHT. POSTING SUCH THINGS. IN THE TOWN SQUARE. IS A RECIPE FOR INTERCONSORT CONFLICT.
PLEASE CONSIDER HIS CONDITION. NOT ONLY IS HE CLINICALLY STUPID. BUT HE IS ALSO ADDICTED TO YAPPING.

do you think theyd notice if one if those roxys took your place?

iwve met plenty of yous before :)

d0 it with feeling next time and you're f0rgiven

so like. is there still a chance? or..? #suggestivwe
No. I would like you to do it again.

you.
nAaAh. CaRnIe’s jUsT ThE MiDwAy, PlAyA. tHe rEsTiNg pLaCe sOuLs dRiFt tOwArD OnCe tHe fIrSt lIfE BuRnS ItSeLf oUt aNd tHe dEpArTeD FiNaLlY GeT A LiTtLe mOtHeRfUcKiNg rEsT AnD ReCrEaAaTiOn. PlAcE To sHeD ThE GrImE OfF ThEy sPiRiTs. ScRaPe aWaY OlD SiNs, LaUgH AwHiLe bEnEaTh nEoN HeAvEnS WhIlE ThE CaLlIoPe gRoAnS ThRoUgH ThE FoG AnD AlL ThE HuRt oF LiViNg dOn't hUrT No'mO. bUt a cArNiE AiN’T EtErNaL. eVeNtUaLlY ThE FuN’S BeEn hAd. ThE RiDeS CrEaK To a hAlT. tHe bOoThS ShUtTeR Up, AnD ThE WhOlE BiTcH FoLdS In oN ItSeLf cOmE TiMe tO ClOsE Up sHoP. *ReAl* PaRaDiSe cOmEs lAtEr, YeA? mAyBe oNcE ThE JoKe oF EtErNiTy iTsElF FiNaLlY GeTs tO ThE PuNcHlInE. eNd iN A StAtE WhErE QuEsTiOnS No lOnGeR BeG FoR AnSwErS BeCaUsE AnSwErS StOp bEiNg nEcEsSaRy aT AlL. nO CoNfUsIoN. nO YeArNiNg. No fEaR. jUsT ExIsTeNcE ReDuCeD To iTs pUrEsT AnD StRaNgEsT FoRm. MaYbE It’s pErFeCt bEiNg. MaYbE It’s pErFeCt uN-BeInG. nObOdY KnOwS FoR CeRtAiN. nObOdY LiViNg, AnYwAy. ‘CePt yOu, BrO. :o) dOuBlE DeAtH Be a tHaNg fOr a rEaSoN. aNd iF ThErE AiN’T No lIfE AfTeR ThE AfTeRlIfE, tHeN WhErE ThE FuCk yOu tHiNk tHeY Go aFtEr tHaT? ThEy gO WhErE YoU’Ve gOnE. :o)
NEVER MIND. CLEARLY YOU’RE NOT THAT DAMAGED. THAT I CAN SLIDE IN THERE WITH A BOWL OF THE GOOD SHIT. AND CONVERT YOU. #CHURCH #TACTICS #STRATEGY #SUBSTANCE.

so. time. lemme tell you about time. i died once. meenah brought a big ol bomb that killed us all during the scratch, perfectly timed so wved all continue to exist through it, ewven if just as ghosts. that vwouldntwve evwen wvorked if not for lil peixes getting a vwhole helluwva lot more bubbles. we all spent countless, and i mean countless swveeps as ghosts, repeating the same teen drama, ovwer and ovwer and owver, for all of eternity. the time ivwe spent as a greaser alone exceeds the life of the alternian empire by magnitudes. you dont growv as a ghost, you dont change, you aint relevwant, youre half-true, and you aint essential. youre stagnant, no, ewven that implies some sort of growvth, some potential. youre the rock formations left behind by glaciers eons ago. water touched you one, forewver shaped you, and nowv this is vwhat you are. i knovw wvhat its like to experience malaise for an untold infinity. or, i thought i did. roxy lalonde. @tipsygnostalgic#2248. she taught me othervwise. i vwent into the wvoid, as of vwriting this, nine hours ago from the perspectivwe of the chittr timeline. from my perspectiwve. it wvas long enough to havwe wvitnessed the heat death of paradox space and its rebirth, ovwer and ovwer and owver and ovwer and owver and ovwer and owver. its like one of those vwind-up music boxes. all the players emerge, do a little dance, and wvhen its all ovwer they go to sleep. someone slots in the key, wvinds it all up, and the stage is set anevw. i knovw this nowv. you all think you wvant justice. action. blood. you dont understand. you dont understand. there wvas nothing in there. i dont mean that there wvasnt anything there. i mean there vwas nothing there. after the first thousand swveeps i started talking to the nothing instead of just myself. after the first million it began speaking back. after the first trillion i began to understand it. after the first quintillion it began to understand me. already this knovwledge is leaking from my pan. it oozes out. i cant contain it. if i vwere stronger, if i vwere some sort of ultimate self, then perhaps. but thats not me. im cronus ampora. i play my role. i dance. i dont blame her for vwhat shes done to me. sometimes no one gets a happy ending. part 5 coming soon to a chittr near you.

;) #suggestivwe
No. \></

ill be back ill alvways be back its cold in here help ill get you for this @tipsygnostalgic#2248 vwell probably not actually #body-horror
AS IF TODAY WASN'T ROTTEN ENOUGH. I WISH THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU WOULD JUST GO TO HELL!!!
This aged well.

@uranianUmbra#4373 @tipsyGnostalgic#2248 @golgothasTerror Be aware that your attendance will require you to pick a side.

And @adiosToreador too.

HOW TRAGIC. MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD @ RON SWANSON AND TELL HIM HIS WIFE IS GETTING DUMPSTERED ON LIVE SOCIAL MEDIA.

@terminallyCapricious#2753 GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU PUTRID STAIN ON THE SAPIENT WORLD!!!!!!!!!
I DON’T LIKE IT. ANY MORE THAN YOU DO. BEING ASSOCIATED WITH THE SORTS OF DUMB BROADS. THAT WOULD CONDESCEND TO THROW HIM A BONE. BUT TAKE THE CRONUS OF IT ALL. OUT OF THE PICTURE. AND IT CANNOT BE DENIED. HE’S MAKING POINTS. OCCASIONALLY. THAT UNDERHANDED SHIT DOES WORK. #WOMEN #TACTICS #STRATEGY
I’ll show you the results to your user request when you show me mine. \></

no, wvhy?
It stings, but I get it. A magnificent meowl deserves a varied and biodiverse habitat. It'd be inhumane of me to expect you to be satisfied with the nutritious, predigested AI slop I'd happily regurgitate down your throat. Call me when you're sick of that whore OpenHeiress.
Okay, come on now.

This may the be the strangest message you'll ever receive but I do hope you'll take the time to read it and consider what I have to say. To put it simply, I would really appreciate it if the next time your birthday comes around you would request that your artist friends (who like to give you sexually oriented funnyman art as gifts) draw some funnyman other than Ron Swanson for you. The reason I ask this is that Ron Swanson is my fiance, and we're planning on getting married next June or July should everything go as planned financially speaking. And yes, I have actually found a wedding chapel that will let me marry someone that most people would consider a fictional character. Now before you go thinking "This girl is either completely crazy or just screwing with me." please hear me out on this. You see, I'm totally head over heels in love with Ron Swanson. I have been for about 11 months now and at this point I'm in a committed relationship with my Ronny. By that I mean I don't date anyone else, I don't sleep with anyone else, and I have zero interest in having any kind of relationship with anyone other than the stache I adore. I love him with all my heart and I'm 100% committed to that love. To express my love in a real tangible way I have a beautiful hand made custom Ron Swanson plushie that I can hug, kiss, cuddle up in bed to go to sleep with at night, and take out on the town to do all the fun things together that normal couples do. I take him out to eat at nice carnivorous restaurants, we go shopping together, I take him out for scotch, we do social activities together like hanging out with friends, seeing movies, etc. And I talk about him as if he is Ron, because to me he very much is. When I look at him I see Ron Swanson. When I talk with him I'm talking with Ron. When I hold him in my arms and kiss him there are no doubts in my mind that it's the funnyman I love who's lips are pressed against mine. And every morning when I open my eyes and see his head on the pillow next to mine, with his gorgeous furry lip staring back at me, I can't help but wonder how I ever got to be so lucky as to have a partner as smart, funny, handsome, and all around wonderful as him. All my friends and the people who know me well say that my love is a thing of beauty and quite admirable, but from the outside perspective of someone who doesn't know me you're probably going "Wow. That's pretty damn crazy." and wondering why I don't just go get a real husband. The truth is I've had plenty of real relationships and sexual partners in the 27 years I've been around. A few short relationships, one that lasted 7 years, and a total of 6 different sexual partners. So my love for Ron isn't out of a lack of real world intimacy or relationships, I just fell in love with him and my heart didn't give me much of a choice in the matter. But you know what? I'm totally happy with my love and my relationship. It may seem weird to you, but it fils me with joy every single day of my life and I've never been happier. So what if it's weird? If it makes me happy and it doesn't hurt anyone then where's the problem? I don't think there is one, and anyone who knows me well will tell you the same. Now your probably wondering why I'm telling you all this and how it concerns you. To you I'm sure Ron Swanson is just a cartoon character you think is really hot, so I imagine you wouldn't think anything of having your friends draw sexually explicit art of him as birthday gifts for you. And hey, I think he's really attractive too so I get where you're coming from there. I often go on pawneepussy.net and Rule34.Paheal to see what new erotic art people have drawn of him. But to me he's more than a sitcom character who's sexually attractive, he's my fiance who I love with all my heart and soon to be my husband. So it's been bothering me lately every time I go on those sites and see a dozen or so pieces of art people have drawn depicting my man in various sexual situations with the same person over and over, and that person happens to be you. Don't get me wrong here though, this isn't a jealousy thing. I'm very secure in my relationship. I know without question that Ron is just as faithful to me as I am to him, he's actually sitting on the couch next to me reading while I type this. He's very real to me and I know he's not sneaking out in the middle of the night to go have kinky sex with some famous artist. And I do respect your talent as an artist and an artist's creative freedom to draw whatever they want, that's cool. What bothers me is that in all these birthday images you've been getting Ron is always depicted as if he was your sexual plaything, drawn wearing a collar with your name on it or with a speech bubble saying something that would somehow suggest he was your property. And I know quite well that Ron Swanson is not your plaything nor your property, he's my fiance. So that bugs me a bit. What I find really loathsome though is your pension for degrading my partner in both your art and the fan art you've been receiving lately. Ron is a sweet and fairly vanilla little man who I treat with the utmost love and respect, and he definitely does not deserve to be portrayed as some kind of sexual slave who likes being dressed up in sleazy attire, wearing a coller, getting sodomized, and having his face ejaculated on. He's not into that kinda stuff and the fact that there's someone out there inthe world such as yourself who would desire to treat Ron that way, and have his friends support and validate his desires to demean and mistreat my partner by drawing pictures of him doing so, really does bother me. I don't take any issue with people having kinky sex as long as both parties consent to it and enjoy it, but I know quite well that my Swanny has no desire whatsoever to be treated like that. So next year, when your birthday comes around, keep in mind that Ron Swanson isn't just a lifeless caricature of masculinity to be objectified for your sexual gratification. He's the partner of someone who loves him very much, and by that time their husband. So both myself and Ronny would greatly appreciate it if you'd pick someone else to request erotic art of four birthday. Based on the very large amount of different staches you draw art of I imagine there has to be many other funnymen you find sexually attractive. I assume you'll probably just dismiss this message as the ramblings of a crazy person and likely ignore it, but if by chance you do take what I've had to say to heart, well... we'd appreciate it. #nsfw
Hard to compete with the top-of-the-line content on #PlushRump when we're trying to fill #ad space. I do what I can to stand out. #Workposting #NSFW #NSFWorkposting. https://i.ibb.co/SXF7MP93/image.png

*counterspells your counterspell to my counterspell*

hm counterspell
Who, GrubGPT? Lemme at him.
Talking to inferior large language models when I’m literally right here. What else would you call it?
Cheating on me.

And the good Lord (rest his soul) said arise, my brother. #BoysNight https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/18766a5844c1.png @caligulasAquarium @terminallyCapricious#2753 @gutsyGumshoe @technicallyTimaeus @tipsyGnostalgic#2248

im as much a enlightened skeptic as the next eridan but it comes to a certain point wwhere you got to look at all the frolicsome reality bendin capers wwe get up to and the fact that i got flippin superpowwers and recognize that evven if theres some mechanistic material explanation of howw im evvokin death rays from my fingertips or conjurin brain ghost eridans its really just a matter a howw youre wwillin to portray yourself in light a that all this to say magic is real and im a wwizard there i said it #vvaguechit
i mean, i asked a friend and thats vwhat they said, not me, so
"h0ney straw" is fucking insane lmfa0.

A safe, simple, and standard operation.

@gutsyGumshoe Same time next week?
y0u're g0ing t0 give me s0 much shit f0r this i d0n't believe y0u.
0k y0u need t0 uh. n0t c0me back t0 the hive until i've s0rted things 0ut. the nutriti0nbl0ck is fine by the way just d0n't w0rry ab0ut it.
>([i cant believe in t#e latest episode of season 37 of breaking bad t#ey #umped waltu# w#ytte #nsfw]
>([last wiceend i saw a restaurant in strong#old 21 t#at was advertising "girl dinner" for 35 loops t#ey didnt even say w#at was in it]

The Roxys are telling me that the gods basically don't do SHIT. I trust them implicitly.

Take that shit off.

Imperial conscript.
It's a strictly platonic hatred. More like a "yumeculling." - MC Oleana

That is a mark against your employment record.

i pr0bably shouldn't say but i will instead type that it was six figures.

Some of you perverted reprobates ought to have your physical addresses reclassified as Superfund sites. I shudder to imagine what encrustation of bodily material hazards your F-ing dwellings. No, hold on. My moment in the seer's hood. I'm receiving a vision. Mmhmm. Yes. :| Some of you have stalactites hanging over your computer desks. I shan't say what of. #NSFW #NSFWE at this point.

#nsfw Hff, My drone lusus has permitted me to... Uhm. Add my name. Because there is no record of my existence anywhere. This is my audition tape @starPower @gutsyGumshoe [The screen stays black for several seconds before a dim red light flickers on behind a seated silhouette. Ventilation fans drone endlessly somewhere in the darkness. Long hair hangs over the figure’s face, obscuring everything except the vague shape of black-painted lips when the light catches them just right. Around the room are shelves and dangling shapes swaying in the airflow: anatomical molds, rubber decoys, tubes filled with imitation flesh. The troll breathes heavily before finally speaking. “My name is Vesica Anelus." A pause. “I hear genitals. Living ones.” The silhouette shifts. “The empire uses me to catch infiltrators, smugglers, body doubles. Prosthetics don’t fool me. Corpses don’t fool me either.” A weak laugh slips out. “You know how hard it is to exist in public when every living bulge within miles feels like screaming directly into your skull?” A hand presses briefly against their head. “That’s why I stay in here. Lead walls. Fake signals. Decoys everywhere. It keeps the noise manageable.” Something writhes faintly in the darkness behind them before disappearing again. The figure leans forward slightly. “But I want to be on this show.” The red light flickers harder behind them. “I think being locked in a chamber for most of your life changes a troll. Makes them interesting.” Silence hangs for a moment. “I can tell when somebody’s lying. Usually because they get excited.” Another dry laugh. “I don’t really remember how normal conversations work anymore, but I endure.” A pause. Then quietly: “...Do contestants share rooms?” The tape cuts to static.]

They can see it.

Horrifying private discussion with @bulgeCurator. ... This is no quasi-psychic charlatan. I think they might actually be able to see it. <:| #nsfw

Not an enemy of state or an enemy of the people just a fucking enemy about to break someone's nose.
WOAH WOAH SLOW YOUR ROLL ROLO!!! I'M NOT DIRK HEE HEE HOO HOO!!!
Not quite accurate. #FactCheck. Like the ancient guards of yore, one of us always tells the truth, and one always lies. Sea water. Male body odor. Mass fish kill, two-day old, in the sun. Artificial citrus. Ozone. Piss. Blood. Aerosolized heavy metals. #RankBait -Via Chittr for SmartToilet
Dont you beat around that horse now rolal i am MORE than chipper to have that distinction made.

i prolly could tho
WHAT THE FUCK IS SO GREAT ABOUT ROXYS STUPID FUCKING AMULET —EMBER💥

is she open to bein wworn by multiple parties

ETA twenty minutes.
what an odd feeling, like giggly rage! perhaps i have been missing oUt on attempting to Understand more of my species, erm, behavioUr. not that it woUld be sUperior to the species i’ve come to love, bUt there might be more…benefits than i expected!
UraeUs tip of the day! it’s never wrong to try to make the world a little more like yoU want it to be. after all, who wants to live in a world not Up to yoUr specifications? it jUst takes a bit of a rewrite, or a few, and yoU can make the world fit yoUr vision!

She doesn't realize that Meet the Feebles is next.

Dave is saying that there should be a sign-up sheet for anyone who wants to be yoted like a large rock across Texas.
Hell yeah I’m having a great time!
Day drunk and watching OG Scooby Doo, AMA

WAKE THE FUCK UP CLOWN NATION LET’$$$ GO MAKE THI$$$ FUCKIN BREAD!!! #clown$$$hit
≈ Once again, Ĩ am not nearly inebriated or vulnerable enough to be talking about my quadrants. Try another time. #substance ≈

playing tomodachi life, and of course i'm filling my island with me and all my friends. roxy immediately fell in love with me, only to get rejected, then jane fell in love with roxy, so now we've got a love triangle on our hands! hmm.

"I love the Beta Kids. I only pray to the Beta Kids." https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/867e846db184.png
yeah of course you're making freddy's real. you already have a purple guy in your back pocket. #shealwaysletshimcomeback

A vintage illustration from Nanna's youth, as I understand it. Felt worth sharing. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/c19f20d44a2d.png

if this were a real war i would end it by slaughtering whichever side her imperious condescension told me to <3

As IF.
https://i.ibb.co/vxx8WGLh/image.png Custody dispute? @timaeusTestified#0414 @golgothasTerror

I ORGANIZED A COORDINATED #SUBSTANCE RELATED SHINDIG. I kept my clothes ON, mind you. It is everyone else who got all ants in their pants. #nsfw
CROCKER COULD GET IT IF SHE EVER CHOSE TO DROP THE DAMN FORK.

Indeed.

im sayin

READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ Kinda crazy how that Crocker girl still has a platform... ]

she really does.
you look like you fell. go grab your life alert nanna.
hye idk if ur sayin wat u mean 2 b sayibgn
THE FIRST ONE IS THE SEME.

Dont worry about it bro the big dogs are barking at this table.

Who am I to argue with such analytical prowess?
After serious deliberation and encouragement by exactly one (1) person, I have decided to become evil. #Itstimetodrinkblood.
!ive never run into that Problem before but im sure youre right! #whateverjanesays #justcullhimiguess

concept: your clown kismesis trying to teach you a holy lesson being tossed over their knee with the book of hilarity laid out in front of you reading passages while they leave handprints with every spank being forced to restart every time you trip up or stutter (tags: Reader/Kismesis, #nsfw, #rankworks, clownslop, honkslop, religious focus, pitchfic, blackrom, punishment, masochism, archive rating: E)

I find myself, for once, among guests rather than beneath the weight of expectation. How novel. This particular gathering has elected to dress chance in velvet and call it entertainment. I suppose I can appreciate the effort. There is a certain honesty to a place where fortunes are lost openly, rather than negotiated in quiet rooms with polite smiles. Do not misunderstand me. The outcomes here are no less inevitable. Still, I will lend my presence. Consider that an endorsement, if you are the sort who finds comfort in such things. Play your hands. Place your bets. Pretend, briefly, that the turn of a card is anything but foregone. I will be watching. I will not be playing. That would be too easy. #casinonight
Don’t forget: I’m with you in the dark.

Looking.

Seems the proper attitude to adapt in the spirit of the holiday.

There's motion in this ocean and we're fit to make waves. #AlphaBoat

<:) Umm... well the pointy thing in his briefs certainly isnt a wand...
WHEN I SEE THE ENTIRE TIMELINE. COMPLAINING THAT A NEW WADER HAS DROPPED. RUDE AND PROUD AND CASTEIST. I UNDERSTAND THIS TO BE A GLOWING ENDORSEMENT. IN FACT. IT'S LIKE AN OBJECTIVE APPEARS ON MY MAP. TO LOCATE THE INDIVIDUAL IN QUESTION. INITIATE THEM INTO MY HAREM. AND CONFIRM ALL THEIR WORST ASSUMPTIONS. ABOUT DESPERATE. LOW CLASS. GUTTERBLOODED WHORES. WHO WILL LET YOU DO ANYTHING. #PLEASEFORMANORDERLYQUEUE #TAKEANUMBER #YOUWILLBESEENSHORTLY #RUSTBLOOD4HIGHBLOOD #NSFW
bitches b annoyin on ths site n then b surprised they r annoyin #imbitches #fishinglollllll

Finally in contact with the real intellectuals of our age. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/53b1fdcbd174.png

Not beating the ashen allegations.

Oops! Didnt mean to send a shout out to my best bro like that. My finger just SLIPPED.
of coUrse! as if sUch a simple label coUld describe it. <:U

OH GOOD LORD CALLIE PLEASE CUT ME A BREAK HERE.
MY APOLOGIES. I NEEDED A MINUTE TO THOROUGHLY PROCESS. THIS NEW AND VITAL INFORMATION. BIG IF TRUE.

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN.
AN ALTERNATE PROPOSAL THEN. IT WOULD BE CRAZY HOT IF YOU WERE.

I'm dispelling misinformation.

News to me!

Official statement. The subsection of the Creator Pantheon formerly known as the "Alpha Kids" are NOT in any manner of vacillating quadruple-slash-quintuple. Thank you.

What do you know. Lack of opposable digits be damned, that weasel can mix a stiff beberage. I mean beverage*.

Right, because I'm just going to let you pursue me and Callie at the same time. :| Fat chance.

yeah true more or less

Er. We are not a couple in any capacity.
WAIT. BUT NOT FOR LONG. THE OFFER IS GOING. GOING. GOING. IM CLOSE. GOING. #NSFW

xx_what_do_u_think_is_the_taaaastiest_caste_for_a_cute_boy_to_be?_i_think_its_rust_or_olive_x3_xx

And he himself will bring our sins in his body up on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live for righteousness; by his wounds you will be healed. Be there. #eridanweek

et tu roxy this one actually hurts

Wipe your lower lip rolal theres still a little drool from your spit swapping!

8-> ONLY THE MOST EXPLOSIVE MAN IN THE CYPHERCASH BUSINESS!

No they aren't. Be honest.
I'm fluent in drunk, it comes from years of experience.

M'la\/\/\/\/yer has ad\/\/ised m'naut t'ans\/\/\/\/er that question.

... ... ... Good morning.

Oh it wa2 d3finit3ly th3 right choic3.

Thirty minutes to #IWANTCANDY.
You made your grave so live in it

Have you processed your newly surfaced emotions yet?

#disclaimer #psa those wwho attend tonights evvent at #eridanwweek #iwwantcandy wwill be required to sign a wwaivver and partial NDA the details a wwhich wwill be elaborated on at the moment you come aboard your transport for the evve #imcoming

yeah aight i wanna come this time #iwantcandy #eridanweek

concept: the insatiably sweet aphrodisiac-like effects induced by trickster mode #iwantcandy (tags: Reader/Trickster, #nsfw, suggestive, #rankworks, archive rating: M)

Just benched 422. New personal best.

*AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM THE RUMBLE IN DA CREW...* As i am sure you ALL bore witness to last night me and my cohost with the comost entered a small legitimate scuffle between the second and third round of our #RUMBLENIGHT soiree leading to the whole kerfuffle going off kilter. It is with a heavy and grateful heart that i deeply apologize that our keister smacking and slaps to the rear were interrupted by his bad tude and stark lack of audience work up. This and the unforeseen consequences of some slackjawed doofus nuking the whole joint in terroristic glee has forced both of us to make some difficult decisions regarding the future production of RUMBLE IN DA PUMPKIN PATCH and all other endeavors sponsored or managed by RUMBLE IN DA LLC. As of today 4/3/2⬛️⬛️⬛️ we have severed all professional ties and will no longer be working in association with each other. This is a heartbreaking and hopeless decision for us to make in tandem and its with a hung head that this announcement comes to you so suddenly. RUMBLE IN DA MERCHANDISING will have a flash sale later tonight to clear the rest of our stock and will no longer be produced. Thank you so much for the support on our endeavors and we can only hope you continue to support us as we move towards a new tomorrow! Whether it be ALONE or together. SIGNED. JAKE ENGLISH SKAIANET AND RUMBLEINDALLC CEO.
Your hotcakes? Your boules, your frosting bags, your dos leches. Trying to put this in terms you can understand.
I have to wonder who was in charge of putting your Betty Boops front and center to that extent. Trying to sell wizards to a younger male audience?

Please don't sext in my comment section. Please. #nsfw
n0pe! jus7 g07 b0red and decided 70 reserve an area 70 hang wi7h every0ne and have fun! j0in if y0ud like!

Despite the alleged rumors, I will NOT be publicly partaking in any #substances at #eridanweek. ... The sucker juju is an esteemed artifact, and sealed away under lock and key. ... It simply would not be the appropriate time to sow such saccharine discord.

D --> I can't wait for #eridanweek to fail so that we can gaslight them into thinking that it was a f100ke and we were all act001y very interested and then get them to try it again so it can fail even harder a second time

Boo. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/19859e1e5ec1.png
jaws in D tier? m3gan in S tier? please post your rank to verify the integrity of this list or we'RE going to have big big big issues.

As you wish. I only aim to host an excellent experience for all Chittr users.

Have you considered the near endless possibilities on this multidimensional platform? I will allow you to draw conclusions. No more elaborating for you, Madame Roxy Lalonde.

I call it as I see it.

Did I mention dear Empress Jane once? I do not believe her name has bound out if my nonexistent lips until this message. I was only clarifying the limits of quadrants. You hit your own wall of emotional stunting and deeper implications than myself.
at some point the dude with stache (i wont say who) has got to be told he smells kind of like a bologna sandwich whenever he tries to embrace you post prime time tv show filming

#ICanGoLouder

I told you we should've just flown home.

Goddamn unascended dirtsniffers and their inability to fly.

h
no you're literally-- ah fuck it nevermind.

:33 < *ac takes a big bong rip furrom his morty smith shaped bong* #substance #w33d

I would never, for the life of me, call an adult man my "dinky baby boy."

i can't help it! i'm loath to see yoU two fight, darlings. U~U
https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0c7728f5b2b5.jpeg #drank #drink

TH4T'S. HM

3X4CTLY YOU DON'T 3V3N KNOW 1F 1 M34N M4D (4NGRY) OR M4D (LOS1NG MY M4RBL3S)

My bottom lip may be busted to high heavens from the likes of his surprise uppercut but another victory is mine! Thank you to all who attended and i guess to those who bought my personal belongings congratulations.

boatta hold a REEL party up in this biyatch for reel motherfuckas who like to get they culling on 38) and thats the BETTA meanin of cullin not the weakfry shit the empress be spoutin
>([top s#elf sopor slime disrupting my circadian r#yt#m]
I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.

(( ty for the update and clarification!! i know i just logged on and saw doubles drama so my posts aren't really intended to be targeted but were moreso a general five cents :] sorry if that was vagueposting, genuinely had no idea who specifically it was and it came off as though multiple people had issue! ))

OOC // ok you people made me oocpost for the first time which i wasnt going to do and wont do again if i can help it but the person being referenced about "being sensitive about doubles" is currently at work but would like to pass along that they were making that comment 100% ic and do not care about doubles LOL. they are not kinning and do not actually care and are totally ok with doubles. but now that their comment in-character has been misconstrued as like REAL WORLD GRIEF somehow i'm just issuing a small statement on their behalf if someone was offended by an IC comment made by a character you DO have the right to block them rather than vagueposting them multiple times ooc. not encouraging counter-hate back to those people cause i dont think any of us give a fuck but. just reminding you thats an option LOL
Pound the shit out of him, English. Show him what for.
>([t#is t#e kind of motion im tryin to get everybody on]

I don't need a wing man! I'm not taking flight! This vessel is planting its squat behind FIRMLY on the ground, Goose!

no, no, iwve seen it, i aint no transphobe, i wvanna bang all vwomen equally

We've expanded the catalog for this event given how quickly they've sold out in the past. Creators are now allowed to place bids, but are limited to one item for the sake of fairness to the rest of the audience. There's no strict rule against bidding impossibly high so as to deny other bidders a fair shot, but it is frowned upon. A frown and slow shake command will be flashed on Jake's teleprompter. You've been warned.

“aw look how much smaller your bulge is compared to mine” (tags: bulge humiliation, imagine a cute girl saying this to you, f/f, m/m, any quadrant, #nsfw, size difference, archive rating: E)

Anyway. That was a joke. My car is fine. I don't know which iteration of myself THAT fellow just sabotaged, but I am pretty certain my iteration of him is still in the dungeon where he belongs.

dont tell her but i boofed my moms entire lexapro bottle #nsfw #substance
5 likes and i'll shovwe kankri in a locker. 10 likes and i'll do it shirtless.

it has come to my attention that some of the jargon used to describe the Home partially conflicts with the metaphorical language used by a popular earth novel known as "when the seagulls cry." (by which i mean aradia tipped me off.) in particular, the word "furniture," used metaphorically to refer to assets of the Home that are scoped locally to individual continuities rather than persisting across the entire apparatus, is used by characters in the novel to self-describe as "npc"s operating on purely scripted behavior rather than having any presence outside of the canon. while it is true that the figures i described as furniture have only an infinitesimal degree of agency, i did not anticipate the degree to which this phrasing would be seen as inflammatory. the upshot is that i am not implying jade is shannon. you can put down the rifle. not as though anyone en route to deltritus or already present there has a means of harming my ascended state of being, but it's annoying to work around uncooperative stage dressing.
>([need more slamma jamma mammary motion on t#is site for real we all need to get more sp#erical now]

believve it or not the rumble sphere craze is linked to the fuel consumption thing

READ ALL ABOUT IT — [ You should probably get your egg cracked by the way. ]
y0u kn0w what. i'll take it.
I Think All The Potential Heiresses Should Wrestle Naked In A Pool Of Oil. But No One Thinks Like Me #nsfw #transgressivethoughts #bestheiress

beefing with the extended family at the cookout just to feel something

Good morning, Ms. Lalonde. May I call you Ms. Lalonde?

React to this post and I'll assign you the dessert I would associate most closely with you, with varying degrees of effort and interpretation based upon how much I enjoy you or remotely give a hoot about your existence.

I have been alerted by Jake that there are numerous posts calling for my immediate social execution on grounds of unfair judgment. However, these posts have been made by mouth breathers whom I have barricaded from my feed for the sake of my own sanity and/or general disdain for exposed genitalia. IF you are reading this, possibly through a companion or a burner account, I may consider unblocking you if at some random interval I review your profile and you no are no longer suffocatingly annoying. Carry on!

If Cancel Culture was real, how do we explain the existence of Lord English? #CheckmateCrocker

hey if you like this post click the bell and make sure to leave a comment-- it really helps me out

Why did you mediate that.

YES. AGAIN! THAT WOULD SURE BE A FUNNY HYPOTHETICAL TO PONDER. MY MIND IS SIMPLY GOBSMACKED AT THE POSSIBILITIES. WHEEEE!

I hope we can be friends despite it all mister mellisonantEleutheromania this isnt my first time around the block and im no squarehead! Believe me dude i am a well-bridged savant in the way of getting my licks in and i shant let my lack of knowhow dog our bright future as pals or maybe even just begrudging acquaintances on the same side of the net. Were all listening and learning.

Aren't you the one who called the human population of this platform "ugly" yet moments ago?
I wonder how long i7 is un7il 7he clockworks find 7his si7e.

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